All Over Again
by Lili Evans dotcom
Summary: Since the fateful night in sixth year, Lily and James had made no secret of their mutual loathing. But when their new positions as Heads forces them into unwilling cooperation, old wounds reopen and new truths are brought to light.
1. Chapter 1

**Finally, my first chapter of my first fanfic is complete! I apologise for any faults I missed, and well here goes.**

**PS: I do not own any characters or plot lines that can be found in the Harry Potter books. In case any of you were wondering.**

* * *

All Over Again

**Chapter 1**

The room was perfectly silent when he entered. So much so, that the soft padding of the newcomers Nike trainers seemed almost loud as they brushed the Scarlett carpet. Maybe it was this sound that made him pause, hesitate for only a moment before pulling the common room door gently shut behind him. He'd seen what it was he was looking for now, and in the fire light, one could just make out the slight movement of the left corner of his fine lips, turning upwards in a smirk. A smirk that was almost too gentle to merit the name. Almost.

The object of his search now finally in sight, his stride lenghthened and his posture relaxed, challenging the oppressive silence by the innocent scuff of his heels against the carpet, the delibrate step on the one creeky floorboard. The head that hovered above the back of the slightly worn but oh so comfortable familiar couch, seemed to purposefully ignore his arrival. The smirk reached to touch the other corner of his mouth. They both knew that she knew that he was there, just as both played along with the feigned ignorance.

In the warm, flickering firelight, everything burned red. Familiarity alone would have alerted an onlooker to the fact that the gleaming hair that had fanned out slightly against the velvet upholstery, was a slightly darker and more coppery version of the Scarlett cushions. The burnished locks seemed to dance to the same music as the flames, but the familiarity that allowed him to acknowledge the sight, had also softened the effect of its beauty.

The girl's eyelids didn't even deign to flicker as the smirker patiently let his gaze rest on her, waiting for her to acknowledge his presence. Timing was a gift, patience merely a tool, a means to an end like any other. Any other day this game could go on for hours, but tonight he knew, as certainly as he knew the sun would rise tomorrow, that tonight she wouldn't hold out. Not for long, not after today.

She didn't give in easily though, fatal pride resisting even as she admitted to herself the almost painful need for his comfort and strength. He was completely aware of it though, recognising instinctively the fierce independence that forbade her to ask for the reassurance that he was silently offering, and at the same time mocking that same streak of stubbornness that he admired in her.

She held for ten minutes before finally letting it go. The slim leggy silhouette was lying back against the couch with her knees curled up on the seat beside her. Finally, she seemed to shudder, just the once, in a barely perceptible movement that rippled though her entire body. Her shoulders slumped slightly from their tense rigidness and the pale face leaning back in a deceptively relaxed position, creased just a fraction. The only indication of the suffering she was fighting to repress.

Her observer made no reaction to the movement. She sighed internally. He wasn't going to take pity on her; he was going to play the git. She would get nothing out of him without letting down her meter thick walls, and, having no inclination to exert himself, he would let her suffer in silence until she caved. Almost as in reaction to her thoughts, the watchers smirk widened yet again, mocking her pride as childish; endearing but pointless. She was giving in and he knew it. Hell yeah, he knew it.

He watched her head lift gracefully off the back cushions, still standing like a statue next to the stone fireplace. The light picked out the girls features one by one, before her pointed chin finally halted its descent fractionally higher than its normal resting place. She was throwing in the towel but she was still defiant, unwilling. Her softly curved full lips were ever so slightly pressed together, revealing the clench of her jawbone. The straight nose was lifted as defiantly as her chin and the firelight brought her high cheekbones into even greater prominence. A half-second passed before the white, delicate eyelids finally opened with determined slowness and the great, almond-shaped, emerald eyes beneath them, sparkled fiercely at him for the first time that night.

" There! " The thought was almost spat, in reaction to her pathetic mix of searing pain, fierce anger and indignant hurt. She glared at the young man still standing in the same spot to the right of the fireplace opposite her six-seater sofa. The firelight cast the left side of him into shadow, but the smirk was still plain even without the dimple that always nestled in his left cheek. For a single second, the one visible eye glinted with unholy mirth at her weakness.

" I hope you're sodding happy now." Just a touch of sulkiness had laced the tone of her thought. Because he was, he was revelling in it, the bastard.

But the almost cruel look in his eyes lasted for only a second, before they lit up with the softer glow of sympathy and compassion. He accepted her unspoken and painfully reluctant plea and finally closed the 3-meter void between them. Stopping in front of her, he sunk into a crouch with an impossible grace, lowering himself until their eyes were at the same height, and lifted her chin with a single long finger of the strong yet shapely hand.

He paused, searching fiercely her green orbs with his own deep blue ones. His lips formed a soundless snarl as he read the depths of the agony in them; the windows to her soul were less angry than the last time, more helpless than the time before that. His frustration and anger mounted as the normally sparkling emeralds, gradually filled with uncontrollable tears. In a sudden rage, he found himself hating the cause of her pain, not withstanding the fact that that cause was his brother in all but blood.

As much to stop himself punching something as the overpowering need to comfort her, he reached out in an abrupt movement and grabbed her in an embrace that was both harsh and comforting. The red-heads' arms and legs were pinned tightly to her side but she buried her delicate face into the smooth skin between his neck and his collarbone. The minutes passed by as they stayed there, without moving. They both knew that right now all she wanted, all she needed, was the comforting closeness of another human body. So he simply held her, ready to do so for as long she needed. As he knelt there, he was aware only of the slight shaking of her sobbing shoulders and the wet veins of tears rolling down his neck and chest that were raising goose pimples on his brown skin and soaking his shirt. A single broken sob was allowed to escape her tightly clenched teeth, and he almost wished it hadn't.

" I hate him Sirius. I HATE him! "

* * *

It was almost an hour later that the flow of agonising emotions finally dried up and the girl pulled away. The movement was just fast enough to show that her embarrassment over her own weakness had finally won the battle against the pain. Another person might have considered being offended at the seemingly cold and abrupt way of dealing with the person who had soothed her for the last 49 minutes, but for Sirius Black, it was the sign he'd been waiting for. Now that the painful hysterics had subsided and the raw emotions locked away, at least for the moment, he could actually broach the issue, however much she might not want to.

He was still sitting on his heels in front of her, and, though not a glimpse of the severe cramping in his calf muscles had crossed his face, she wasn't fooled. The ghost of an apologetic smile flickered in the girls' eyes, as he rose to his feet and stretched with a nonchalance that was just a touch too deliberate.

The answering smile in his own eyes was something that no other girl had yet had the privilege to see, but then his relationship with the girl who was sitting on the sofa, was unique. His feelings for her and her alone, were at the same time mindblowing and completely unprecedented. Mindblowing because he would give her the sun, the moon and every star in the galaxy to her if she asked. Unprecedented because for the first time in his 16 years, his feelings for a member of the female population were completely…platonic.

To the rest of the Hogwarts student body and even, on occasion himself, it was, to put it lightly, incomprehensible. Any girl in third year or above would probably use slightly more violent words to describe the overpowering bond between the Hogwarts official womaniser-slash-sex-aholic, and the stunning red-haired prefect.

Unfortunately, Sirius Black's reputation tended to precede him. Having been blessed at birth with every gift nature could bestow, he had never met a woman, (and few men) who could resist him. His was the face that could only reasonably exist on the pages of an airbrushed muggle magazine; his eyes were blue as violets and framed by lashes girls would kill for, his features were copied straight from the bust of the Greek god Apollo, with a narrow straight nose, defined cheek and jawbones and the most perfectly shaped lips in the wizarding world. His hair alone deserved its own TV series, it was as black as his name and fell into his eyes with the same spine tingling grace as the rest of him. Add to this the smooth brown body of a demi god, an intellect approaching the level of genius and and a wit sharper than Godric Gryffindor's legendary sword, and you had the most lusted-after young man the stones of Hogwarts had ever seen. Unfortunately, he was probably the most lustful too.

At the tender age of thirteen, he had been initiated into the delights of a woman's body by the Head Girl of the time. She had been far from inexperienced and when she left at the end of the year, there was nothing he did not know about bringing a woman into ecstasy; by the end of his fourth year, he had deflowered and summarily dumped over half of the female student population. In this his sixth year, that number had risen to roughly eighty percent, even without counting the ones he'd gone back to before breaking their hearts a second time. Even now, when the whole school had given up hope that one day he would find the person who would break him, truckloads of girls, either sluts or simply foolishly romantics, would still fight with a passion to be that nights fling. People said it was a gift, most with affronted modesty and the honest ones with grudging admiration. However much he beat their hearts to pulp, the silly girls couldn't stop themselves coming back for more; there was just something about him that made you believe he was touching not only your body but your very soul. Countless girls had left their long-term boyfriends, after finding their normal adolescant male skills heartbreakingly unsatisfying in comparaison.

He was the epitome of perfection; on only point was he lacking. Sirius Black, for all his breathtakingly romantic words and burning passionate touches, had a heart of stone.

Right up to the beginning of fifth year, only three people in the entire school could actually boast of having any hold over him, any place in his affections. To those three people and those three people alone did he show any remotely human emotions. However, for these select three, Peter Pettigrew, Remus Lupin and finally James Potter, he would walk through the gates of hell, without thinking twice. The four boys had been best friends since first year, forming the most popular, sexy and " it " group in the school, The Marauders. In first year, they were already making a name for themselves, by third, they had there own fan clubs and by fifth year, the Marauders were set to be legends. All four boys were distinguished by beauty, brains and an obnoxious charm that made them popular with both teachers and students alike, despite weekly pranks, that became only cleverer and more flamboyant as the years passed.

The three guys meant everything to him, quite simply because for the first time in his young life, they had accepted him as a normal, living, breathing boy, instead of gaping open mouthed at the child star model with the face of an angel. Nor had they turned away in disgust or fear when revealed his belonging to one of the richest, darkest, most powerful muggle hating pureblood families in the wizarding community. The Blacks had been sorted into Slytherin house consistently for the last nine generations. The one exception, Sirius' cousin Andromeda, had been disinherited and cut of from the family entirely for being sorted into Ravenclaw. But this reaction was mild compared to that of Sirius' parents when their pride and joy was not only sorted into the house that opposed Slytherin in almost every conceivable way, but also declared himself wanting nothing to do with what he termed they're " Pureblood Mania ". Sirius had joined James, Remus and Peter in Gryffindor house, where they accepted him as the " prodigal son " and unquestionably one of them. In return, they received the full measure of all the friendship, compassion and fierce unswerving loyalty that Sirius Black was capable of. Time had built a bond stronger than blood between the four boys but the link between James and Sirius had gone surpassed even that. Two halves of the same being, " Black and Potter " had become a byword in Hogwarts and even the village of Hogsmede. They were inseparable; James' cocky energy and gift of the gab complementing to perfection Sirius' ice-cool, languid elegance. James was also the only person in the school who could really rival his best mate in both physical attractiveness and sheer, god-given brilliance.

Familiarity of his own perfection had born contempt for it, and that contempt extended to any female who was shallow enough to fall for him because of it. Not one girl had inspired in him anything more than this pitying disgust, let alone anything approaching respect. Not one female had been allowed to approach the real Sirius Black, the soul behind the face, the frighteningly loyal friend, the wicked sense of humour. No girl had ever been allowed to see the soft glow of rueful adoration that lit his eyes, as he gazed down worriedly at the red head who sat so sadly on the sofa in front of him. Not until November of their fifth year…

* * *

_Flashback_

_The closing of the wooden door finally cut of the mindless babble of twittering girls who had followed him to the Gryffindor common room. Forsaking his usual nonchalant manner, he collapsed in a heap onto the four four-poster beds in the stone walled room, that conveniently turned out to be the one with "Sirius is a SexGod" , engraved into the headboard. Stupid blond had decided she wanted to "make her mark". Sirius' return "Mark" had taken the form of the words "Shag Me" cursed onto her forehead and the girl had changed schools a week later. _

_As Sirius sank back into the cushions, the feeling of the soft breeze that blew gently through the open window, brushing his face, was pure ecstasy. Ahh sweet silence. _

_Habit tended to make him deaf to their gabbling, but tonight the Gryffindor members of his fan club had been unusually irritating. Maybe it was because James was in detention instead of by his side, flirting deliberately with the fawning females, before high five-ing him discreetly when one finally fell into a swoon at their feet. Whereas Sirius was largely indifferent to the attention, James revelled in it, and played to the crowd like a celebrity giving a concert. James never failed to make him smile._

_The faint sound of "Siriiii I love youuuuuuuu", floated though the three inch thick oak, causing his black brows to descend in a tiny sign of frustration. It could on the other hand also be that in James' absence, the members of his best mate's fan club seemed to have switched their alligience to Sirius for the night, causing high tensions between the two groups. A shriek carried up the stairs, causing his frown to deepen. His devoted groupies were probably pulling out the hair of one the "Traitor Fans", right this minute. Pathetic. And more importantly he was now imprisoned for the evening in the seventh year boy's dormitory with only Peter's one-eyed teddy bear for company. James' detention was likely to last the whole night and Remus was tutoring Peter in the library for the Transfiguration test that was set for the next day. It was going to be one fun night. No offence Mr Teddikins._

_Damn those girls. The hopeful giggling groupies seemed to pass their lives following the Marauders every move, especially his and James'. They only had to catch a glimpse of one of the four of them, to send out some kind of strange girly telepathic signal, before the hoards would descend out of nowhere. Only undercover of James' inherited invisibly cloak, could the guys actually accomplish their midnight outings in secret, when the silence of the empty castle was a welcome change._

_Sirius' eyes snapped open. For a genius he sure was slow today. The frown lifted and he even smiled a genuine, happy smile as he crossed the room to the bed with James Potter inscribed in fine italic writing on the headboard. Feeling for the secret compartment underneath the bed, he pulled out the smooth water-like material with a smirk of satisfaction, running it though his fingers as he debated where to go for his stroll as the invisible man. James wouldn't mind, maybe he could even visit him in detention, after making sure Filch was nowhere in sight of course. The Map would have of undoubtably made the whole thing easier, but James had it with him, to alert him when someone was coming to check on him._

_As he threw the cape over himself and walked quietly out of the dorm, his whole posture seemed to change, suddenly turning into "Happy Sirius", as Remus had named his disturbingly cheerful alter-ego; there was a wide, slightly silly smirk on his face and a definite spring in his normally purposeful step as he crossed the landing and made his way down the stairs, taking care to avoid the creaky bottom step._

_The "Gang" had apparently given up to go down to dinner, though one girl had obviously been set as a lookout; the fixed stare she was giving the landing, was a slight give away. Suppressing a snort, he quickly walked to the common room entrance, opening the door and closing it behind him before the girl could look up._

_Finally! Sirius breathed the sweet perfume-free air of freedom and strolled away, ignoring the puzzled looks of the Fat Lady. _

_He made his way casually down to the library, with the vague intention of seeing if Remus and Peter had finished and gone into supper yet. In a moment of cowardice, in hesitated at the doorway, before squaring his shoulders to face the previously uncharted territory, that only creatures such as "bookworms", and, even worse, "nerds", ventured into willingly. God help his poor fellow Marauders, who had so treacherously fallen to "the dark side" . _

_Poking his (invisible) head through the open doorway, he scanned the vast stone-arched room, looking for any signs of the groups of girls that would often indicate the presence of a Marauder. Nothing. Yes! They'd made it out alive at least! In the silence, only the slight scratching noise of quills could be heard, coming from the one occupied table. _

_Four girls were working quietly away, and even in the gloom Sirius could make out the burnished copper colour of the hair of the closest girl to the door. He smirked slightly. Evans and co; the auburn mane was unmistakable even at this distance. The object of Remus' affections, Jenny Dreamer and Frank's girlfriend Alice Greycloud must be there too then. And of course Blackwater. The inseparable foursome were maybe the only girls that were actually of slight interest to Sirius. They were all babes of course, in varying degrees and styles, but not one of them had ever fallen for the Marauders, or if they had they'd never shown it. They were also bright, Evans and Blackwater especially and they didn't seem to giggle every few minutes like most girls did when they were around him. Unfortunately, they were that most evil and unnatural thing known to man; goody-goodies!! _

_Sirius shuddered and backed out of the library, shaking his head to further prevent the contamination of any workaholic virus that might have latched on to him from the books and quills. Studying, Urgh! Another, more violent head shake. Best hurry away. The guys must have escaped to the Great Hall already._

_He'd only walked a few paces however when a small group of figures made him stop. They all seemed to be huddled round a dark haired girl and a mousy brown haired boy, probably sixth years by the looks of them. They were sobbing fiercely, tears streaming down their red cheeks to fall on what looked to be a copy of the Daily Prophet, which seemed in danger of tearing between their white-knuckled fingers._

_He wasn't sure what made him do it. James had a "big brother" complex that could pop up out of nowhere when you least expected it , Peter was sweet in a dopy sort of way and Remus was universally declared to be the "sensitive one" of the Marauders. Sirius Black was a cold hearted git, albeit the sexiest one alive. So it was shocking even to himself, when he found that he had put away the invisibility cloak and stepped forward in concern. _

_Every head turned to him as he approached, each with the same stricken look of terror in their eyes. Their sudden fear puzzled him vaguely. Sure he was a git, but no need to look as is Voldemort himself had swept down upon them. They were a year older than him, for Petes Sake! But they were upset; he didn't take it personally._

_The sudden movement of a wand, followed the searing agony of being thrown 10 feet straight into the stone wall, made it plain to him that maybe he should have. Shit! A sickening crunch bit into the darkness. The pain was overwhelming; by the sound it he'd cracked a good few ribs and maybe even his skull. Fighting the urge to lose consciousness, he stared up in bewilderment at the dark haired girl holding the wand that was pointed at his heart. The girl who had been crying hysterically a moment ago, was now looking down at him with a face usually seen on serial killers and fanatics; pure undisguised hatred._

_The others fidgeted slightly. The boy whose tears were still glistening on face, called out a weak plea of "Emmeline,..", but otherwise not one amongst them made any movement. Not even as the girl called Emmeline walked towards him, breathing heavily, holding her wand out in front of her with a white knuckled fist._

_She stopped a meter away from him and finally spoke, her voice coming out as a hiss through her clenched teeth._

_"Come to gloat have you? As if you and your evil, repulsive family hadn't done enough, you thought you'd come to rub salt in the wound." her voice was tightly controlled, he registered through the pain, not the hysterical cry he had unconsciously been expecting._

_But he still didn't understand. As if in response to his bewildered, questioning look she threw at his face the newspaper she'd been holding. As it bounced off him onto the wooden floor, his eyes gradually made sense of the letters splashed across the front page. Frightening word jumped out at him. "Entire Vance Family Murdered", "last member of one of the oldest pureblood families, remains at Hogwarts", "Edgars Bones, brother of the well known auror Amelie Bones and fiancé of Cassandra Vance also found dead", "Amelie Bones demands justice". And finally the words Sirius had been dreading. _

_"The suspects Bellatrix Black, Rodolphus Lestrange and 3 other members of the Black family were taken into custody, but released earlier today, by vote of jury". Vote of jury? Gold in other words; the Black family had money to burn. _

_The bile rose in Sirius' throat as the names stared back at him. He was related to these monsters, these sick twisted minds. The Vances had openly opposed Voldemort and his muggle-hating ways and had paid the ultimate price for their courage. The need to vomit was almost overpowering; that was his heritage, staring him in the face. Hatred, blood and murder. The girl looking down at him had lost in one terrifying blow, her parents, aunts, uncles, siblings, including a younger brother who, the article said, was only six years old. And Jason Bones, the mousy haired boys name suddenly came back to him. His elder brother had only left Hogwarts two years ago. So many loved ones, so many lives. All cruelly torn away by people he was bound to by both name and blood. People to whom blood and descent were the only things that mattered. _

_In a hellish moment of realisation, he realised that he deserved every pain he was feeling, that death was to good for him, that he owed this girl this girl more than life itself. He had been a fool to think that a house name could change anything, naïve to think that he could be something different and escape his past. Arrogant to hope that he deserved to be one day forgiven for being born into the darkest of households. He was a Black, and the girl, Emmeline Vance, was entitled to his life for that alone. Even that wouldn't be enough; one life of a spawn belonging to a family of murders, against the lives of thirty good, brave, decent people. But it was all he could give her, the only pathetic amends he could make. _

_Lying in a pitiful heap, the self loathing, shame and desire to die threatened to crush him and he closed his eyes silently begging for her to bring down her wand, to make him suffer for as long as she wanted before taking the miserable life he offered her freely. _

_But it didn't happen. As he looked up, half blinded by tears of remorse his mind vaguely registered through guilt and agony, the beam of red light that shot, straight over his head, at the wand that Emmeline Vance was aiming at him. The spell made the wand fly out of the girls grip, past Sirius and down the corridor. _

_Sirius' broken bones made turning his impossible, so he didn't recognise the spell caster until she stepped past him to stand in front of his battered body, her wand outstretched defensively at the Vance girl and the other teenagers huddling behind her, twelve feet away._

_The intruder knelt down beside him, suddenly and muttered an incantation through clenched teeth. Miraculously, Sirius felt his wounds being healed, the broken bones snapping into place and knitting instantaneously. The feeling of relief caused by the absence of physical pain, pushed back momentarily the black despair that had been about to break him a second before. It allowed him to register the colour of the head that was bent over him, as the owner put an arm under his to lift him into a sitting position and propped him up against the wall. Through the vivid Titan red curls, Sirius could see that the girl's expression was murderous; her jaw was clenched as if to prevent herself swearing and her green eyes sparkled with a ferocity that bemused him anew. What was Evans doing here, and come to think of it, why was she looking ready to kill him? Ah she must have read the article too. _

_Despair threatened to pull Sirius under yet again, but something niggled him. If she had read the article, why had she defended him? She was a muggleborn, one of the very people his family were determined to exterminate. Did she want the pleasure of finishing him of herself? That would explain her anger, the murderous face. _

_When she stood up and straightened her wand arm again, he was sure of it and his sprit prepared once more to break under the crushing guilt and shame. But her next action were as unforgettable as they were unexpected._

_He watched, non comprehending, as she turned back to the Vance girl who had stepped forward with a painful, ugly look in her eye, retrieving her dropped wand in the process. Both the wands were out, and rather than being pointed at him, they were aimed at…each other?_

_The two girls glared at each with obvious anger, verging on fury. Evans was outnumbered five to one but she didn't look worried; people said she was the smartest witch to enter Hogwarts since Minerva McGonagall herself. And not just booking learning either; she had whipped both James and Sirius' arses more than once during their duelling club meetings._

_Vance's eyes flickered to where Sirius was sitting, and in reaction, Evans took a step to her right, placing herself directly between the dark haired girl and the guy she obviously wanted to kill. Sirius could only watch her open mouthed; didn't she know who he was, what his family had done? How could she not comprehend that he deserved, wanted to die for the horror she had suffered. He opened his mouth to explain, to point out to the red head that she should be helping Emmeline, rather than obstructing her. After all, the Vances had died for defending the rights of muggleborns. They had given everything to protect people like her. Surely her hatred must be almost as strong as Emmeline's, surely she must want to hurt him too._

_Emmeline Vance voiced the thoughts that had been flooding Sirius' throbbing, despairing brain. _

_"Out of my way Evans. This is way beyond your jurisdiction as a prefect; now move before I bloody well make you." _

_Her breathing was heavier now, pain and the desire for revenge making her voice husky and strained. Her brown eyes seemed to burn with a fantasist's fire, they looked too large, too dark for her rounded face, and full of emotions that were too adult for her sixteen years. No child should have to feel so much grief, so much pain, so much overwhelming loneliness. The pain in Sirius' heart grew threefold, just breathing, living was agony. Deserved agony, he reminded himself; this could be nothing compared to what she was feeling._

_"Lower that wand, Vance. Now!" _

_Evans' voice was icily controlled, dignified and confident. Only her blazing eyes showed the true measure of her anger. That unexplained anger. _

_Vance's eyes darkened to almost black in her fury, and her reply was louder this time and close to hysterical_

_"How can you defend him?!!!!!!" She words were almost a shriek as they echoed piercingly down the hall._

_"How can you, of all people stand there, protecting him, you ungrateful heartless bitch!!!!! Have you seen it?!!! Or do you simply have no idea that this fucking evil son of a whore, and his whole fucking family did last night?!!!!!!!"_

_Tears were falling freely now, but no lessening of her anger; if any thing she was working herself into an even greater state._

_"On the contrary, I was one of the first people to read the newspapers this morning, but I must of missed the line saying that Sirius Black was in anyway, shape or form responsible for your tragedy, and that he deserved to be tortured for it." _

_Evans' anger was far better controlled, Sirius realised, but that didn't mean it had disappeared. On the contrary he could sense it burning still, simmering just below the surface. Why? Why was she so angry at Emmeline' so reasonable fury? Emmeline was shrieking again._

_"They killed them, every last one of my family, they killed !!!!!! Even Sam!!!! And do you know HOW they did it Evans? They didn't Avada Kedavre him, no; they tortured him!!!! Tortured a six year old boy until my parents begged them to stop, pleaded with « the Black's » to let him be!!!! « Anything but that », they cried!!! And they recorded every last minutes of it, displaying it to the world as a warning to all the other pureblood families who were thinking of following my family's example!!!! He was submitted to the Cruciatus curse for over three hours, Evans!!! They carried on even after my parents told them everything they knew, because they enjoyed watching him scream!!! Before cutting his throat. That is the family that he belongs to!! His cousins did that to my Sam, Evans!!!! And you expect me to go as thought nothing has happened ?!!!!! As though he'd done nothing wrong?!!"_

_She was screaming by the end of it, and the rest of the group behind her seemed to be frozen by the pain and grief in her voice. Even Evans looked slightly paler, and her eyes through still angry were also touched with raw compassion, understanding even . This strangely placed empathy was explained by her next words._

_"Emmeline" It was the first time Evans had called the girl by her first name, and the softly spoken word seemed to calm the girl ever so slightly. For Sirius, the whole scene was if he was watching it through water. The harrowing details of the murders had numbed him to the very core. His only conscious thought was a desire to die, everything else was barely registering. And then Evans spoke again._

_" Emmeline, I understand, I really do. I know the unbearable pain of losing ones parents and a brother, all because of choices that were never down to them, choices that I selfishly made with a child's naivety. I remember waking up one morning to be told my whole life had been wiped away, with the same indifference and coldness as instructions on a blackboard. The grief, the guilt, the pain; it never goes away. And no one can help you, no magic in the world can bring them back. Trust me, I know."_

_The revelation lifted Sirius out of despair for a moment. Her parents had died at the hands of death eaters? He'd never realised; the Lily Evans he knew had no problems. Her life was perfect, just like her. She took a final deep breath and what she said next would be forever engraved into Sirius Black's memory; it would come to him as one of the turning points in his life, during the moment he would fall through the silent black veil, and would die defending her son. Because her next words were the ones that saved him._

_"I know it all. But I also know that I will never, never let you take out your pain on Sirius Black. How can I let you hurt my one proof in this world that the murderers out there are wrong, that blood doesn't mean a damn thing. That a person can only ever be defined by his actions and his choices. I can't and never could never let you do that. The only reason that I'm still here fighting is because every time I look at Sirius, I know that he gave up everything he ever knew, faced isolation and even torture, to stand against all those people saying I don't belong here. He's the thing that tells me that whatever happens, you can always say no, you can always choose another path. As strange and unbalanced as it sounds, Sirius Black, he's my hope, my beacon if you like, that tells me I deserve this. Because if he believed it so strongly, that he was willing to defy his entire family to defend that belief, how can I do anything less?"_

_"I've never met a Gryffindor who deserved the name more, and I've never met someone ready to sacrifice so much for what they believe in. This idiot is probably the person I admire the most in the world, and I will NOT let you try to convince him otherwise."_

_She was looking down at him now, and he gazed up at her as one stunned. She turned back to Emmeline and said in a voice that was now gentle,_

_"Put it down Emmeline. Why should he suffer for the sins of his family? He shouldn't have to shoulder our burden. You don't want that, not really. Enough, Emmeline."_

_She motioned softly to the group of teenagers still standing sadly behind the now, quietly sobbing girl. In one movement, the closed in around her, obscuring her from prying eyes and gently lead her away._

_When the last echoes of their footsteps had faded, Lily turned back to the boy still sitting at her feet. He gazed up at her blankly, his mind still numb, not yet able to fully accept what had heard. It could only be a dream, a cruel dream that tormented him with impossible miracles. How could she have such blind faith in him, he had sprung from evil, and was condemned by association. _

_But the spark of hope refused to die, and that spark kept him from plunging forever into the depths of the darkness. Instead he fought to keep his head above water, staring at her as though the sight could make the dreams reality. If he blinked she might disappear. _

_The green eyes looked back at him, swimming with a mixture of emotions that made the candle of hope brighten dangerously. Their regard was direct, but he could tell that she was struggling with a wash of embarrassment and…shyness. How strange. She thought she'd made a fool of herself, expressing her feelings like that. She truly had no notion how her words had brought him back from the very brink of darkness, had no idea that she had just saved him from his greatest and darkest demons. _

_The overwhelming trust and belief that she had shown in him washed away the guilt, the self disgust and loathing. Suddenly the weight of the name « Black » was gone, like a millstone, from around his neck and he remained there, stunned by the idea of his innocence. She had pronounced him guiltless, she even was grateful to him and that knowledge, all at once made him yearn to be that person she believed he was. He wanted to deserve her faith and gratitude, to be worthy of the pedestal she, for some incomprehensible reason, had placed him upon. _

_Still looking into his eyes, she bent down into a crouch beside him. Hesitantly she reached out a delicate white hand and gently wiped away the single tear that he hadn't realised had escaped. A moment later she was holding him in a warm embrace and he clung to her with a fierceness that showed his long-denied need for maternal warmth. For the first time in his life, he was oblivious to such things as the firm breasts he had buried his face in, or even the white skin that glowed slightly in the candle light where her skirt had ridden up. All he knew was that he was forgiven, freed from the guilt and shame of belonging to evil and safe in the knowledge that his destiny had not been fixed the day he was born into the house of Black. It was his own to built and shape as he desired. _

_For fifteen minutes he stayed clasped in her arms, crying, really crying for the first time in six long years. She held him in silence, allowing all the emotions he had so carefully suppressed, flood out in a wash of tears and blissful relief. When the sobs subsided, they stayed there for moment longer, in the soothing embrace. As thay finally drew apart she looked into his famously mesmerising eyes. She smiled. The smile was beam of light from heaven itself, dazzling him with it's overwhelming warmth and understanding; the smile of an angel._

_Sirius Black would never be able to describe the whirlpool of emotions he experienced in that moment, and never spoke of it to another living soul. But from that moment on the adoration he felt for the brave, compassionate redhead would have as much a central place in his life as the bonds of friendship between the other Marauders and himself. From that moment on, he would willingly give his life for Lily Evans. In the meantime he compensated by being the brother she had lost, her confident, and as always her beacon of hope. For him, she was his sun; she had saved him body and soul, from the darkness that had so nearly consumed him._

* * *

The swish of Lily's titan hair, brought Sirius' thoughts back to the present. Much had changed since that night, almost a year ago now, when their friendship had been forged. The bond between them, though still intense, had been reinforced by a real compatibility of personalities. Both were fiercely protective and shamelessly mocking of the other, and the understanding between them was almost complete. Sure, Lily had Emily Blackwater, and James would always be Sirius' true best friend and brother, but that knowledge never bothered them. They could go for a week without speaking only to know instinctively when something wasn't right with the other, and would respond to the others need instantly.

In general, they kept their friendship discreet, Sirius' fan club tended to hex any female that came near him in public, and since the incident in October, tensions between the Marauders and Lily's group of friends had soared to a whole new level.

Tensions that were also the reason that his angel, his saviour, spend night after night with tears rolling silently down her face, each one burning a new hole in Sirius' heart.

* * *

**So what did ya think? Pleeeease review even if its only say its too long or too wordy or too complicated. Or to say to love it just the way it is! :) **

**Ps: It really does read loads better with normal speech marks :)**


	2. Chapter 2

**Well here's Chapter 2. Its even longer, something I didn't think entirely possible, but I hope you guys like it any way. **

**Chapter 2: Awakenings and Reawakenings**

* * *

It was a perfectly clear night sky; not a single rebellious cloud was daring to interrupt the fiesta being held above the silver Hogwarts grounds. Obviously the major stars were the most visible; Orion, Scorpio, Ursa Major and of course the brightest shiner, Sirius of the North; they all danced around the white glory of their queen, basking in her beauty, worshiping the perfect crescent. But tonight was special. Every celestial body was present tonight, even the lowliest joining in to celebrate the first of hopefully many warm summer twilights. So many of them as to carpet the entire sky like daisies in a field, with the Moon at the very centre.

But the Moon's attention seemed to be elsewhere tonight, and though they twinkled around her in adoration, the moonlight gave the impression of being focused into one single beam, that cut like a white sword through the sky, into the open window situated at the very top of Gryffindor Tower.

The white beam snaked into the round stone-clad room, to rest gracefully across one of the four four-poster beds that occupied it. It caressed the naked torso of the occupant of the bed with an almost loving tenderness, outlining each muscle, highlighting the glorious planes and ridges with an artist's hand. A breeze caused the scarlet curtains to move easily for a second, and the moonlight seemed to shudder in longing for this beautiful creature.

He turned his head to the window, and the moon gloried in his strong yet sensual gaze. But James Potter's admiration of the queen of the night and her subjects was almost cursory. A frown returned almost immediately to his brow before continuing his fierce scrutiny of the seventh-year dormitory ceiling.

* * *

James was pissed, as in pissed off. Sleep was refusing to come, deliberately eluding him with a determination that equalled his own in refusing to admit to the reason behind his insomnia. Why wouldn't he be pissed? He was tired dammit, it was after all 4 o clock in the morning, a time which no sane human being, let alone a Marauder should even see and he had The Quiditch bloody Final in two days time and,…and he had an exam tomorrow!

Finishing on a sulky childish thought of " It's not fair! ", James Potter suddenly sighed and closed his eyes. His mind was really going now if he was resorting to "exam tomorrow" excuses. Rule number 23 of the Marauder Handbook, forbade explicitly the use of any nerd or goodie-goodie moanings to get out of awkward situations; they were an insult to the Marauder way of Life as were things like kiss-arses, Slytherins, prefects…

"No!" James entire being tore away from the thought that would unquestioningly lead his mind down paths that he refused to go, paths that he had repelled against until it became an almost unconscious process. Tearing his eyes away from the criss-crossing of cracks in the plaster above him, he rapidly searched the dark room for something that would distract him.

His eyes fell on the pleasantly appealing pair of buttocks that were facing him to his left. They too were lit by moonlight; the owner was sleeping with her back to him, having thrown of the covers after both of them getting very hot and sweaty

He looked at his watch. Four-twenty-five, she still had about two hours. He vaguely considered waking her up to have her one last time before chucking her out. Or to be more precise, before she chucked herself out, for her own good. She wasn't stupid enough to break the one rule about having sex with a Marauder.

You could tell whom you chose, you could make up what you liked; the boys didn't care. You could even try to convince the world that the Marauder in question, was in reality rubbish in bed or a little too ready, you'd still only get a jinx or two.

However, there was one ultimate law, an unbreakable one; whatever happened, you had to be out of the room by seven. That was it, simple it seemed. Any girl, be her girlfriend or fling, had to be gone by the time the Marauders woke up the following morning, because the time between seven am and Breakfast was strictly forbidden to the public. To most people the idea of being seen before having put on their " face ", wasn't the apocalypse. And yet a girl who broke this rule would be out of Hogwarts within a week. No matter which Marauder she slept with or how many times, if she broke this rule she was gone. No one could protect her, from the teachers to the Head students to the Marauder she had spent the fatal night with. No one was allowed to look upon the Marauders before they entered the Great Hall at 8 am. That was the influence of the Marauders in the school.

Only three girls had given in to the overwhelming temptation of admiring their lovers face in the morning sunlight, and after the departure of the last one at the beginning of fifth year, no one had been stupid enough to make the same mistake.

James continued to admire the attractive behind that was staring him in the face. He hoped she wouldn't be that stupid. She'd been pretty good as babes went. Just as he'd guessed, the quiet Ravenclaw bookworm had turned out to be an animal in bed. Heck, her enthusiasm had topped the school slut Taylor Jones herself. She'd been great actually, James conceded fairly. Just not even close to…

"No dammit!" He would not go there! It was a wound he would not touch, locking it away until the day came when it would have healed itself. The memories, the emotions: he'd buried them all deep enough to deaden the constant pain they brought him. The only feeling he'd retained from that incident was a burning hatred that he used to fuel his icy cruelness towards her. And it had worked to a point. Total concentration on that hatred numbed the agony to a bearable degree. Now it stayed there constantly in the back of his consciousness like a bruise, only hurting when touched.

He needed the hatred: he had become addicted to it. Hurting her was his drug and every day he claimed his daily dose. Some days he was content with a cruel taunt, other days he binged; bringing her to her knees in humiliation and then kicking her when she was down. Again and again and again, until the brief twisted contact with her finally made him feel alive again.

Today had been one such day. Last night had been rough. It had been eight months to the day, since the incident that had changed the Hogwarts social hierarchy, changed his relationship with his truest, closest friend, changed his very nature. But speaking of his closest friend…

He hadn't registered it before but only two of the curtains that shielded the other three four-poster beds, were shut. Not only were the hangings around Sirius' bed open, but the bed itself was unmistakably empty. That was odd. James had been present when Sirius' had given in to the demands of his fan club and his hormones, granting Stacy Delmas the honour of gracing his bed that night. He'd blown off girls before, it happened every week, but it was usually to replace them with other babe whom he had deemed hotter on the spur off the moment. Sirius was a sex-aholic, and had that dubious gift of being ready to shag anytime, anyplace and with almost anyone. His bed hadn't been empty for 3 months, not since…

* * *

James eyes bust suddenly into flames. He knew exactly where his so-called best mate was at this precise moment.

"Duh!" he fumed silently. There were only four people in the world for whom Sirius Black would blow off a shag, and three of them were in this room. He would be where he'd been the last time he'd blown of a girl, the last time James had tortured her almost to breaking point, exactly three months ago.

She was probably down in the common room he raged, being comforted by the guy who was SUPPOSED to be his blood-brother, crying those damn green eyes out onto his shoulder, acting as though she didn't deserve any of the torture he inflicted. Because of cause, Lily Evans was special. Lily Evans was fucking perfect. And Lily Evans was the only person in the entire world, against whom Sirius refused to side with James.

He should have guessed really; the look Sirius had sent over the table at dinner had been his classic "disappointed in you" look, the one he reserved only for particularly nasty Lily-torturing days. It bugged James no end that, even though Sirius would never side against James, not for Dumbledore himself, he remained coldly neutral in James' Anti-Evans vendetta. Sirius was supposed to be HIS best mate for Merlin's sake, and yet he still remained her friend after what that slut had done to him.

Shit! He was getting dangerously close now to the pain, his thoughts brushing the edges of the wound. He hated nights like these, when sleep eluded him, cruelly refusing him the blissful relief of oblivion. On nights like these, it was all he could do to prevent himself crying out as the painful memories closed in on him inescapably, the seconds passing like hours, as he lay trapped in the feelings he could block out during the mania of a Hogwarts day. In the paralyzing glare of the moonlight, however, there was no escape. It consumed him; betrayal, loss, and the twisted fire of hatred that he desperately fed to try to drown out the overwhelming desire that still consumed him every time he thought of her.

For the agony of nights like these, there was only one remedy; seeing Evans suffer in return. The days that followed these endless nights of torture were the ones that Lily dreaded, the ones that gave her nightmares and sapped even her great spirit and courage. These days, James crossed the line between mean but childish pranks and cruel deliberate humiliation.

What's more he knew it and despite the evidence to the contrary, he was far from proud of it, at least when he was being honest with him self, which wasn't often. In fact he the only times he would admit his feelings of remorse was when Sirius deemed he'd gone too far because, knowing Lily inside out as he did, Sirius could tell instinctively when James knife had gone just a little too deep. At these times, he would ignore his position of neutral ground, and spend the night drawing her in his arms without a word and holding her she had regained enough inner strength and courage to get her through the next day's torture. Only when the fire had half-heartedly rekindled itself in her startling emerald eyes, would he softly kiss her damp forehead and carry her to her dormitory where Emily, Jenny and Alice would be waiting with sad eyes and small smiles of gratitude.

James had realised this the hard way, when one night not long after the incident, he had slipped down to the Gryffindor common room in his invisibility cloak, hoping to find Evans bawling her eyes out by the fire. He had done so, but the desire to gloat at her pain was destroyed at the sight of her clasped in the arms of his best mate.

All the emotions he had worked so hard to conceal, were set free by the burning fire of jealousy he felt for the black-haired boy in front of him, holding HIS Evans tightly to his chest, running his damned fingers through HIS Evans' hair. She belonged to him! Whatever the bitch had done she was still HIS; his to do with as he liked. If he decided to punish her for what she'd done, his best friend had no right to do anything other than follow his lead.

He'd stormed up the stairs in a black rage, and the next day Lily had ended up in the hospital wing. To Sirius, he'd said not a word about that night, and Sirius had never broached the subject. The two brothers understood each other on a level that needed no communication to know what the other was thinking. So, as much he hated the idea of Sirius' steadfast friendship with his red haired nemesis, he refrained from protesting further against it, because he was the one person in the world who had the barest concept of Sirius' gratitude towards Evans, and the overwhelming bond between them that had developed since that night at the end of fifth year. Evans was Sirius' angel, and James was painfully aware of the unbelievable loyalty Sirius was showing towards him, by refusing to stand against him as he humiliated her. Anyone else who would dare torture Lily in that way would be already disembowelled. This knowledge alone could break though James' white anger and allow the slightest touch of guilt to slip through the steel barriers James had erected around his emotions. It was slowly killing Sirius to watch the spark in his angels eyes die a little more every day, and James knew it, but letting go of his hatred would mean facing the feelings he'd been running from for almost eight months.

Damn it, he'd let the guilt in now, and the worm was growing bigger as he thought about his best mates pain. Sirius' absence indicated more clearly than anything, that James had crossed the line again today; the cruelty had progressed to the next level. Did even Evans deserve that..? Staring up at the ceiling, he could almost see Sirius blue eyes looking at him with sadness and disappointment from the plaster ceiling. Trying to escape the eyes and the regret he looked instead toward the three-inch-thick wooden door…only to see the same eyes staring back at him, this time in the face of the tall figure standing at the end of his bed.

The shock of finding the accusing eyes he'd been trying to escape, unexpectedly glaring at him from across the room, provoked a reaction that, on anyone else's handsome features, would have been called guilt. But in a split-second it took for James to sit up, it was gone, and he gazed coolly back into Sirius dark eyes with seemingly innocent indifference.

James knew immediately Sirius was angry; the feigned ignorance was futile and Sirius ignored it with the contempt it deserved. A long elegant finger pointed silently towards the door before the owner walked out again, exciting the room as noiselessly as he had entered.

A lesser man would have quailed at the mere thought of Sirius Blacks anger, but courage was one of James few redeeming quality's besides mesmerising beauty and the ability to excel in whatever he did. So he rose from the bed and followed Sirius out the room, across the landing and down the stairs to the common room. His unrepentance was evident in his casual swagger, his impudent smirk, his deliberate yawn of boredom as he faced his best friend.

* * *

The fire was still burning fiercely in the grate, and Sirius was again standing by the stone fireplace with his back to the flames. The only discernable differences were the person staring back at him and the look in his stormy blue eyes. The compassion and understanding that had characterised them as he had looked down at Lily on the couch, were gone. Now they gazed impassively at the cause of her pain, the guy he, well loved, however nauseating that sounded, more than anything or anyone in the world. At this precise moment however, brotherly love was waaay down on Sirius' list of priorities.

For a full three minutes, they simply looked into each other eyes without speaking, icy blue boring into mocking chocolate and gold. As between a pair of cats, the tension between the boys was electric; neither was planning to give in.

Finally, James looked away, with a huff and a slight pout, folding his arms and lifting his chin defiantly, to try to hide the fact that he'd lost the silent battle of wills. His scowl deepened; James hated losing almost as much as he despised not getting his own way. Sirius' brow darkened in unison; Lily had lifted her chin at him an hour ago with just the same note of defiance, before crying her heart out. The thought did nothing to improve Sirius' mood.

Seeing this, James' expression saddened, eventually giving in to the infinitesimal feelings of guilt, at looked back and his brother with a sigh. James wasn't a liar at heart and it was his very nature to face his mistakes head on, just as he now faced the fierce accusation in his best friend's eyes. Both boys' eyes softened slightly; James in acceptance of his friends deserved anger and Sirius' in partial sympathy with the pain his brother was feeling.

But understanding of James pain in no way lessened the anger that was almost consuming Sirius. It was taking all of Sirius' legendary self-control to not hex his best mate out of the tower window to the hard ground five hundred feet below. Even so, his clenched jaw and tight fists indicated just how much effort this was costing him.

James would never admit to being in the wrong, Sirius was well aware of that from experience. His only option was therefore to « force » James into the course of action he was too proud to pursue of his own accord. Usually Sirius admired the stubbornness and determination that characterised his best friend, but sometimes, these qualities seemed to Sirius to be more like sodding pig-headedness. Tonight for example. James' dammed pride meant that Sirius had been forced into doing something he'd sworn in third year never to do. It was beyond mean, it was cruel. But so was what James was doing to Lily.

"Well mate, in case you wanted to know, you broke your own record tonight." Sirius normally suave voice was carefully controlled, impassive. "She cried for roughly… two and a half hours? That's what, fifteen minutes longer than last time?"

"Hmmm… And there's what, two weeks before the end of term? Nah I should cross the three hour mark by then. Ten galleons on the likelihood suit ya?" The famous Potter-smirk was back in full force along with Sirius' urge to punch him in the gut. His jaw clenched a little tighter but otherwise Sirius made no movement.

"Not enough for ya, Padfoot old friend? I could stretch to twenty if you like?" The smirk was wider; the challenge even more pointed this time. He was deliberately provoking him trying to get him to snap. That was James; there was nothing he hated more than Sirius' icy silence. He couldn't achieve it himself and therefore couldn't handle it. Sirius was well aware that. Wrapped in his stony self- control, James couldn't defeat him in a battle of wills or wits.

Tonight was no different. James seemed to take the perfectly shaped black brow that Sirius raised at him, as a personal insult. His own descended in a sulky scowl.

"I'm not a sodding legimens Padfoot so rather than playing « Guess my thoughts », maybe you could actually enlighten me as to why you dragged me out of bed at bloody four in the morning." He stretched and yawned trying to force some more nonchalance into his voice and added "Not that this isn't fun but some people actually got some action last night and were planning on getting some more."

Sirius' only answer was to smirk and James didn't like it. It was Sirius' victory smirk, the one he wore just before getting himself out of a month detention or giving McGonagall the perfect alibi to a prank the Marauders had committed. It was a smirk that meant trouble.

James' eyes narrowed in apprehension; there was way to much smug determination on Sirius' handsome face for his liking. If they'd been playing poker, Sirius would be just about to reveal his long-hidden trump card.

"No worries Prongs, this won't take long." The smirk, if possible, got even bigger. Before transforming into the most angelic smile ever seen on a human face. "I just want to ask you something."

James apprehension grew tenfold. "Ask me something?", he repeated, the wariness apparent in his normally confident tones.

"Yeah." The beautiful childlike smile stayed in place but Sirius' deep blue eyes turned suddenly harsh and hard as stone. "I want to ask you," an infinitesimal pause, "for a favour."

In the ensuing silence you could hear a pin drop. An onlooker would be puzzled and confused as to why these innocent words had transformed James' expression for wary confusion to white-hot fury. His whole body was shaking, hands balled into fists and his teeth clenched so hard together they seemed about to break. The boy opposite him however made no movement, recoiling not even a centimetre before his best friends' fury. He'd expected it after all, Sirius had hit beneath the belt and was far from proud of it, but then James had been ignoring the belt for the last eight months. He'd brought it on himself.

"You wouldn't dare!" The words escaped through James' clenched teeth as a low hiss and his eyes burned with a mixture of fury and hurt. Sirius winced inwardly but didn't back down. This had gone far enough.

"I've had enough James. I let you have your revenge; I let you hurt her for eight months dammit after what she did to you, but what you did today? That was…well, just too much mate. It was beyond cruel, it was bordering on disgusting." Sirius' eyes were sad as he looked at his best friend. Sad and disappointed. That same look, Damnit.

"Oh I don't know. Looked to me like Evans seemed to rather enjoy it, if you know what I'm saying. I'm not sure if anyone strips and lap dances THAT naturally."

The desire to punch that smirk off his best mates face was almost overpowering. Disgust replaced the sadness in Sirius' blue orbs as he replied to James' smirking comment. He had the satisfaction of seeing James' face freeze with shock, as his next, deliberately aimed comeback, bit deep.

"I'm not sure Evans was the one getting excited if you know what I mean, Prongs. Or was it someone else getting a little 'High and Mighty' down below? "

To Sirius' satisfaction, James' face had turned a red to rival the scarlet cushions. Good, he deserved it, the prick. It had been disgusting to watch; Lily's tears pouring down her face as her body was forced against her will to first strip herself before performing a lap dance to the whole slytherin table. It had been beyond painful, it had been sickening. Every fucking male over the age of fifteen ogling her like a stripper in a nightclub. All while James sat there with an evil smirk on his face and an ugly look in his hazel eyes, a mixture of hatred and anger and the desire that was obviously being shared by his dick.

That was what had disgusted Sirius more than everything else; today's torture had been more than punishment for her betrayal, it had been in response to the feelings for her that he tried desperately to block out. It was borderline bloody perverted.

Which was why it had to stop. As much for James' sanity as for Lily's. And for that, there was only one thing to do.

"You probably know what I'm going to say Prongs, and frankly I never thought I'd say the words." James eyes burned into his, willing him to stop, to not do it.

"I, Sirius Black, hereby invoke the Marauder rule number thirteen." James' teeth ground together audibly. "I invoke the rule of the Marauder Favor!"

There was a flash of light and Sirius clutched at the paw-print shaped tatoo on the back of his left shoulder, which suddenly burned in agony. Through the swift pain, he could see James making the same gesture. They didn't have long to wait. In answer to the call, the final two Marauders appeared at the top of the stairs clutching their own shoulders, and carefully descended, blurry eyed still from sleep.

* * *

The four of them together, the ache in their shoulders disappeared in unison. Remus Lupin and Peter Pettigrew looked puzzled from one black-haired boy to the other, each wondering silently who had invoked one of the Marauders sacred rules, at four thirty in the morning.

It was Remus' calm collected voice that cut through the silence of the empty common room first.

"Moony, Wormtail, Padfoot and Prongs; the four Marauders are all present to witness the invocation of a Marauder rule. Let he who challenges, speak." The words were the official opening statement of any serious Marauder meeting such as this.

"I Sirius Black do hereby invoke the Marauder Rule number 13, the return of the Marauders favour."

The words echoed once more around the stonewalled room, and Remus and Peter's eyes widened in response. This was a rule that Sirius himself had sworn he would never use, declaring that there would never be a need. The Marauders' Favour was a vow between two Marauders, invoked when one would demand an overwhelming favour from the other. If the first Marauders agreed, the second would be in his dept until the Return Marauder Favour was invoked. He was in the position to ask anything in return, and the other, bound by an unbreakable vow was forcibly obliged to respect his wishes. In second year, James and Sirius had both desperately desired the Chaser position on the Gryffindor Quiditch Team. James had wanted it so badly he had invoked the Marauder Favour, vowing that anything Sirius desired in the future would be his as his Return Marauder Favour. Sirius had laughed it off, declaring that he would do anything for his friends and vice-versa, without invoking a vow to forcefully make it happen.

For five years Sirius had held true to his word, never asking anything of the friends he valued above all else, grateful simply for their unwavering loyalty to him. To invoke his Return Favour now, after all these years was a staggering shock to the other Marauders. James alone looked ready to kill his blood-brother now before he could utter the words that could change his entire existence.

"But Padfoot, why? Why now…?" Peter stammered slightly from his confusion at Sirius' statement. Remus' eyes flicked worriedly between the two black haired Marauders, and James looked livid, both of them silently echoing Peters startled question.

Sirius stared back with eyes that were regretful but determined. He hadn't wanted to use this favour; he knew that forcing James to stop torturing Lily would only make him hate her all the more. Sirius knew full well that James would see this as picking Lily Evans over himself, another even greater betrayal. He didn't like it, hated it even, but James had gone just too far today. His reply came out as a bitter half laugh.

"Why Wormtail? Because torturing Lily because she hurt him is one thing, but torturing her for his own sick desires is way out of line."

"You're seriously trying to make out that I like that SLUT in that way? That my brilliant plan was just so I could see her naked? You're warped Black, SIRIUS-ly warped."

No one laughed at the age-old, over used joke. James own smile slid of his face, his eyes and mouth hardening. He was going to have a hard time convincing the others to laugh this one off. Damn Sirius and his bitch of a friend.

"Moony, Wormtail, you don't seriously believe the crap he's spouting, do you?" No answer. Shit. "I mean come on! Am I the only one who remembers what that slut did to me? You really believe that I could even see her as a human being after that, let alone like her?? Come off it! I know Padfoot' to busy worshiping the ground she walks on to see sense, but I didn't think you guys would… " He was cut of by Sirius furious answer.

"For Merlin's sake James, give it up! Stop treating us like morons and spouting this load of bullshit!!! You really thought you could fool us?! Us, your so-called best mates??! You really thought we wouldn't fucking notice???!!"

"I don't know what you're…"

"I'm talking about the soundproof charm you put on your bed-curtains James, even when there's no girl in there with you! So we won't hear you when you moan and cry out to her in your bloody sleep! The silenco charm you put on yourself before fucking another girl to stop you screaming her name in bed!! You thought we wouldn't realize? Wouldn't notice the dreamless sleep potions you try to brew for yourself secretly, as often as you can steal the ingredients? Dammit Prongs, how long are you going to keep bloody lying to us?!!! At least have the fucking guts to admit it!!" Sirius' voice lost its usual calm, rising with desperation, anger and hurt until he was almost shouting.

"Admit what, Black?!" The question was forced through James clenched teeth, but he was still holding on to his act of nonchalance. Sirius' eyes and voice softened in sadness and he sighed before looking his brother in the eye.

"Admit that, however much you try, you still want her. That you're not just tormenting her because she wounded your damned ego. You're torturing her because she broke your heart."

Sirius and the others looked away, none of them wanting to see the spasm of agony on their friends face as he walked to the open window in ' voice was almost a whisper as he spoke his next words.

"And that's why I, Sirius Black, invoke the Return of The Marauder Favour. I claim the following act of friendship from James Henry Potter as the repayment of his dept. I ask that he abstain from hexing, pranking and, in any physical way harming the girl known as Lily Evans. With this act, his dept is repaid and the vow of the Marauder Favour, fulfilled."

Magic filled the silent room As if in a trance Sirius and James advanced towards each other, arms outstretched. As their hands clasped, there was a flash of light, and they pulled apart as though burned. As one, four heads nodded and four voices murmured the four words.

"So let it be."

* * *

The next morning, the Hogwarts population was startled by the silent and subdued entrance of the undisputed Lords of the school. Side by side, they marched in unison to their seats, slowly but with that same intimidating grace of a lion on the hunt. The merry chatter of the masses lowered to a hush as they approached the Gryffindor table, seemingly unaware the stares of every head in the room but one, all waiting, some in apprehension, some in anticipation for the follow-up of yesterday's prank.

The one bent head, covered in thick red curls seemed to droop closer than ever to the oak table, only lifting when she felt the supporting hand of the girl next to her grasp her shoulder defensively. Looking up Lily realised that her friend was glaring down the table at the four boys that she herself was trying desperately to ignore. With wild eyes, she yanked on Emily's hand, begging her silently to not attract their attention and initiate her daily torture any earlier. Reluctantly, Emily Blackwater turned back to her best friend, her ice blue eyes now filled with worry and sadness. The brave half smile she received in return almost broke her heart. Lily's heart had been broken a long time ago, Emily knew full well, but it seemed like James Potter would be satisfied only when the rest of her went the same way.

The said James Potter was watching the group of four girls openly from the end of the table. Blackwater had stopped trying to dissect him with her otherwise very pretty eyes, and now all four girls were trying to act as though he didn't exist. He supposed he couldn't blame them. After all, they had no idea that she was safe now. The vow he had made not to touch her, was unbreakable.

The rest of the school was well aware of his blatant scrutiny of the object of his torments and her group of friends. Almost every eye in the room was trained on either him or her, waiting to see how he could possibly top yesterday's humiliation. Three quarters of the guys, James could tell, were remembering with pleasure from yesterday morning, the gyrations he had enchanted her unwilling body into performing, very naked, on the wooden tables. Gits, he snarled inwardly, as if she'd ever look at any of them.

It had been harsh, he reflected reluctantly and Sirius, however much he hated to admit it, had been right to put an end to it, damn him. The only question was what he was to do now. James had only survived this long because of the relief from his pain, tormenting her had brought. Without that, he was lost. The twisted contact with her had been is lifeline, the rubber ring keeping him afloat. Now he couldn't even talk to her.

Could he? He frowned suddenly, at the eggs and bacon in front of him. Nowhere in Sirius' "request" had he mentioned "verbal abuse or torment". Had it just been forgotten, slipped his mind? Impossible, Padfoot was an undisputed genius as was he himself. He had left him a loophole then, was that the answer? But then why? He'd had a chance to sever all contact between his best friend intent on revenge and the angel he was pursuing. Why deliberately refrain from doing so?

His puzzled frustration led him to look at his brother for the first time since they departed to bed in silence the night before. Sirius was staring worriedly down the table but feeling James' gaze upon, he turned so that his violet eyes looked squarely back into James' own. They lightened and in surprise, James picked out the emotions in them; they were serious and determined as they had been last night, but there, in the back, was a smile.

The smile spread to his face as he read correctly the bemusement in James eyes. Then he snorted slightly and turned his attention back to the very appealing looking plate of English breakfast in front of him. James turned to Remus, who promptly rolled his amber eyes at him before smiling and stating, as one did 2+2= 4:

"He's your best mate Prongs. You still need her, and he, fortunately, isn't as dumb as he looks." Sirius answered by throwing his slice of toast at the sandy haired Marauder, before glancing down again towards where Evans sat and continuing his breakfast.

No, he defiantly wasn't stupid, James admitted to himself and he wasn't his best friend for nothing. Sirius, and probably the other Marauders too, had been well aware of how much he depended on his fights with Evans, and knowing this, they had allowed him the possibility to still argue with her, hate her even but without humiliating her in front of the school. They had defended her, but still protected their own in spite of him being a bastard.

The gratitude he felt towards Sirius in that moment was overwhelming and he looked up to smile broadly at him, only to realize that his best friend was watching the red head with worry yet again on his face. James followed his gaze to look, really look at the girl he hated, for the first time in months.

* * *

She wasn't eating, he noticed immediately and, judging by her pale face and gaunt cheekbones, this wasn't the first time. His cousin Jenny, and Frank's blond girlfriend, whose name was either Anna or Alice Greycloud, were both obviously trying to get her to have some toast and marmalade, while Blackwater discreetly tried to slip a potion in her pumpkin juice. The attempt obviously failed as the redhead pushed the vial away and shook her head fiercely, causing the red curls to gleam gold in the candlelight. Blackwater seemed to protest, to which Evans gave a short answer before resuming her determined stare at her empty plate.

For a further ten minutes, the emeralds never moved from their dead scrutiny of the white china. She just…sat there, thought James in puzzlement, never moving, never speaking. She just… wasn't there, emotionally a least. He'd done it. He'd destroyed her. He'd wanted to, planned to since the day he'd ran away from her by the lake; his entire being consumed with only one coherent thought, how to break her in return. He should be congratulating himself; his revenge was evidently almost complete.

But was that really it? She'd given in, she wouldn't fight any more, wouldn't yell, scream, cry. He would hurt her one final time and he'd win. But he'd lose her. The Lily Evans he'd known would disappear leaving this shadow of herself behind. Her fire, her energy and her hatred of him, it would go. That link, he'd desperately tried to sever and at the same time prolong, it would no longer exist. He'd be free, free of her, once and for all. But…

He didn't want to, he realized that now. He hated her, hated her so bad that he wanted to kill, her to scream at her, to crush her in his arms all at once. And he needed her to hate him too. Because if she hated him, she couldn't be indifferent towards him. She would still be forced to think of him, even if it was only to imagine five hundred ways by which to end his life. They would still be Potter and Evans, the most deadly enemies Hogwarts had ever seen, linked forever in history by their mutual loathing. Not Potter and the girl he destroyed. It…wouldn't be the same. Wouldn't be normal. Wouldn't be…

Fun. That was it. It came to James like an epiphany. He enjoyed the endless fighting with her; at least he did when she fought back. He liked the fieriness she'd hated him with, the way that, for the first few months she'd pranked him back, embarrassed him in return. Then he'd got more and more carried away and she, reusing to fight that dirty, she'd fallen too many times until she couldn't get up again. But ever since, torturing her had lost something. And as he'd hurt her more and more, all he'd been really doing was trying to make her get up again. Provoke her into hitting back.

That was what Sirius had known from the start, why he was so disgusted with him, why Remus rolled his eyes at his "stupidity". James had been stupid because he'd been doing the exact opposite of what in reality he been trying to do. And Sirius had stopped him, before he accomplished the very thing he was unconsciously avoiding.

James looked at her again. She was packing up her bag, leaving earlier than anyone else, hoping to disappear whist the Marauders were occupied with inhaling as much food as possible. He only had a few seconds if wanted to actually put into action, the plan that was still only half formed in his own mind. A half glance at Sirius decided him. The anxiety his the blue depths was painful for his grateful best friend to see. This would be for him as well. They both wanted the real Evans back.

* * *

Without a word, he stood and marched down the Great Hall, not worrying about his bag; the other Marauders would take care of it. James smiled inwardly; he had timed it perfectly. She was on her feet, with her back turned to him and slap bang in the middle of his path. Without accelerating, he walked directly behind her, and, on cue, she stumbled roughly into his tall frame.

The entire school held their breath, watching mouths open as Lily turned to look up into the face she was praying not to see. No such luck. Only one boy in the school could look like a freaking under-wear model in his simple black school robes. Only one torso boasted muscles that strained slightly against the crisp white shirt, and shoulders that were that broad and relaxed. He was so tall too, just over six foot so that her head only just brushed the bottom of his strong chin.

The shock of his closeness made her lift her head, and she stared frightened into his eyes, that were, as always, breathtaking to behold. There was dislike in them, mixed with mocking laughter but even that couldn't stop them being beautiful, Lily thought bitterly. Their irises were a rich brown flecked with gold and emerald and they still shone with that dammed golden light that took the breath away of any girl in the school. His glasses were gold to, sitting squarely on his straight, arrogant nose, between highly chiselled cheekbones and full lips that softened his slightly harsh, masculine yet unbearably beautiful face. There was a hint of stubble that hadn't been there eight months ago; it had been so long since she'd really looked at him and the sight almost made her heart physically ache.

It all happened in a second. Then his eyes left hers to stare pointedly at the small white hand still resting on his shapely chest, where she'd placed it to stop herself from falling. She drew back, and waited for the blow to fall, heart beating erratically and tears ready to well up in her emerald eyes.

Then he was gone, walking away with only a comment thrown over his shoulder at the trembling girl who'd backed into him.

"Watch where you're walking Evans, these robes were clean on today." That was it. Not a hex, not a prank; only an insult that was weak enough to not even register as she stared at him in shock. The room simply watched, their brains not registering what they were seeing. Only the Marauders seemed unperturbed, slight smiles on their handsome features, watching curiously to see what would happen next.

For the first time in weeks, Lily Evans felt a shred of anger stir beneath her long accustomed numbness. He was ignoring her. After months of cruelty and torture he had the cheek to act like she didn't exist! Her eyebrows drew together incredulously and she stepped after him.

"That's it?" The words cut through the silence like a knife, and unseen by all, a tiny smirk appeared on James' features. Damm he was good. Then it was gone, the satisfaction hidden carefully away so he could speak his next lines.

Like a young God in his haughtiness, he turned and stared at her with nonchalantly raised brows.

"I beg your pardon?" The words were slightly insulted sounding, as though wondering who she was.

"You heard me! That's it? That's all ?! No torture, no torment, no humiliation in front of the entire school?!" Her voice was louder now. She was bemused and angry, her voice full of emotions for the first time in weeks. Her friends stared at her in wordless amazement. Her eyes were almost alive, nowhere near sparkling like before, but there was a flicker of her old fire in those indignant emeralds. The three girls' jaws had dropped and the sight finally set loose the self-satisfied smirk James had been fighting to stop from spreading over his features. But luckily, it only seemed to annoy the red head more.

"Oh, I'm sorry Evans, was that the highlight of your pitiful day? Much as I hate to disappoint, I'm ashamed to say… you got boring. It was fun and defiantly deserved, but hey, I'm a busy guy. Some things had to be dropped and, well, you're just not really worth neither the time nor effort." He ended on an apologetic shrug and politely waited for her to answer. When she didn't he snuck an obvious glance at his watch and made to turn around again, when suddenly she spoke.

"Not worth your time." Her voice was barely a whisper. Then she looked up from the floor and the flaming emeralds shocked him into retreating back a pace; he hadn't seen them burn like that in so long not since she last really yelled at hi…

"Not worth your time?!!!!!! Well you know what you can do with your fucking time, Potter? You can shove up your ARSE!!!" Then, to the entire school's amazement, she lifted her small fist and punched him hard on his perfect nose. A sickening crunch was heard before the room was filled with the commotion of shocked students yelling, talking and wailing in the case of the 'James Potter Fan Club'.

Leaving the school idol clutching his face in pain, she threw a backwards glance at her three best friends who promptly got up and followed her out of the Great Hall. As they passed him, James distinctly heard his cousin Jenny Dreamer whisper happily to Blackwater.

" She's back! "

* * *

**So how was it? Please read and review. It's really weird in a very good way to read how people like your story. So do keep it up. Storywise, I'm a big fan of the whole "James is a git in the beginning thing" which obviously comes across but as you can see, he's not entirely bad and he is getting better. I'm kinda describing the characters as they come, via the eyes of the people looking at them, so more indepth descriptions of Remus, Emily, etc coming up from that Read and Review!!!!!! (again lol)**


	3. Chapter 3

**Wow, Chapter 3 is finally up and finished. I had loads of things and people that were all fighting to be put into this chapter so it took a really long time to strip down to the essential for the moment. Don't worry most of them will be in chapter four, which is all ready planned out. I hope you guys like it , and it was worth the wait. :)**

* * *

All Over Again: Chapter 3

_Again and again, he thrust into her, gently at first but then faster and faster, encouraged by the fervour with which she gripped him tighter and moved her own hips to match his. Her moans escalated until finally, in an earth shattering release, she screamed his name and spasmed below him, shuddering as he pumped into her a final time. His answering gasp of "Lily!"echoed off the stone walls and he collapsed onto her, two bodies almost merging in that shared moment of excatsy. Tears of pure happiness rolled down her cheeks and the feather-light touch of his lips on her forehead was the last thing she remembered before drifting in to sweet oblivion, never wanting the moment to end…_

The tears were still there, Lily realised as she sat up in bed, pushing the thick red curls out of her eyes with an impatient hand. Thank God for the curtains that protected her vulnerable heart from prying eyes while she slept. Damm that dream, damm that sodding perfect night, and most all damm HIM. It was eight months ago for Merlin's sake, didn't she deserve just one night of relief? Just one night from which she didn't wake up in the early hours of the morning, sobbing into her pillow so as not to wake the five other girl who shared her dormitory. Just one night of escape from the memories and the hurt.

She sighed into her hand; no use in moaning. She was used to it by now, really. The tears that streamed silently from her green weren't truly painful, just the outwards signs that she was allowing herself one of her small moments of weakness, in the early hours, when no one could see and sympathise. The tears had become the norm, as had the physical signs of her body's suppressed desire and the resulting cold showers. She didn't need so one to tell her what it meant, didn't want people shaking the heads in that stupid, patronising way with sad eyes and fake moral-boosting smiles.

She hated sympathy. No one knew what had happened, so how could they know how to console her. Not even Emily really knew; she guessed, supposed and worried, but she couldn't know for sure. And Lily planned to keep it that way. Okay, she was weak; it didn't mean she was proud of it.

Weakness was another feeling she'd become resigned to in the past few months. At least it was easy. It hadn't hurt as much since she'd just admitted she was weak. Her friends had been horrified to see the life leaking out of her day by day; they tried everything they could think of to bring her back, to make her fight. She'd tried, really, at least in the beginning. But it had just been so hard. Like striding through chest-high water.

Drowning, on the other hand, had been blissfully easy. And she'd simply given in, not caring, not really even living. But at least the pain had gone. Numbness had seemed such a small price to pay for the sweet absence of the endless pain and hurt. Emotions were a hassle, they only hurt you. Life was overrated anyway.

But then of course he'd decided to disagree. And just like that, she wasn't allowed to sink into the shadows as she'd desired. All of a sudden, she had been dragged back to the painful world of reality because James Potter had decided it so. Because James Potter wanted her living, breathing and above all hating. And what Mr James Potter wanted …

It had been so embarrassingly easy too. The puzzle alone of his change of attitude towards her had been enough to wake her from her emotional comatose. He'd lifted a finger and had accomplish in one two-minute conversation, what her best friends had been trying to achieve for months. Ten words and he'd made her almost remember the Lily Evans people remembered. Not the red haired wraith who took refuge in silence, from the constant taunts and torture inflicted on a daily basis. For a few short seconds he'd managed bring back a shadow of the real Lily Evans. The old fire had been kindled in her eyes for the first time in weeks. She'd even felt the stirring of her once legendary temper, that had made her one of the most feared prefects in the school.

But it had all felt so far away, like a memory from childhood. Blurred and out of reach. It wouldn't have been enough, if that had been it. However much she would have struggled, one more well aimed hit and she would have broken, splintered once and for all into a fragment of her former self. She had still been so unbelievably fragile; his for the breaking if he'd so desired.

But he hadn't. For the two weeks since, the only contact he'd made with her had been verbal. Nasty taunts and cruel comments, no respite from those, but that was it. He hadn't pranked or hexed her once, and the bliss of two torture-free weeks had made a staggering difference.

Turning her head to the small sun shaped mirror hanging above the wooden headboard, she had to admit her face looked a hell of a lot better now she'd ditched the pale as death look she'd been sporting recently. That was because she was eating again. Not a lot, but enough every meal, that her skin no longer looked stretched across her high cheek bone. Even the dark bruise-like shadows that had taken up permanent lodging under her eyes, were also hopefully on their way to disappearing. It was all coming back to her. Slowly, agonisingly slowly, Lily Evans was returning.

All in all, crying this morning of all mornings, seemed altogether ridiculous. It was the last day of school after all and the last day she had to spend with the three friends who had stuck by her during the past year from hell. Four, she should say really, she'd never got round to thanking Sirius. The subject had never been broached but intuition was telling Lily she had him to thank for this new development. She was undyingly grateful; for Sirius to stand against James was something she'd never even contemplated, let alone expected. This proof of the depths of the friendship between the notorious womaniser and herself had taken her breath away. She would probably never be able to repay him. Didn't mean she couldn't try though. Hmmm…

Lily looked at her watch; ten past six. Perfect; it was early enough that the common room would be empty and late enough that the June, morning sun would be streaming through the scarlet curtains. Half an hour later, she had showered, dressed, and gathered on her bed the items she would need for her plan. She winced at the reflection in the mirror once more; it indicated all too clearly just how much she'd let her self go this year. Both hair and eyebrows were unkempt and she hadn't bothered with make up in months. It had all seemed so pointless when the eyes looking at her would never be the ones she wanted.

Slipping through the curtains, she restrained a giggle at the sight of Taylor Jones right arm and left leg stuck sticking out in mid-air through opposite sides of the velvet hangings round her bed. The school slut didn't look quite so perfect at six thirty in the morning as she liked to pretend .

The dormitory door creaked slightly as she opened in and Lily winced, holding her breath as she strained her ears for any hint of movement. None. She pulled the door shut behind her and let out a sigh of relief, blowing her fringe out of her eyes like they do in the movies; she smiled at the silliness and skipped down the oak stairs to her favourite spot on the giant red sofa by the fireplace.

* * *

It was strange, Lily realised, she couldn't even remember the last time she'd opened her sketchbook. The pencil drawings seemed almost unfamiliar as she stared at each one, trying to recall the where and whens of their creation. The who wasn't difficult; Sirius Black's haunting violet eyes, stared back at her from almost every page. It had been one of the first of many tastes they'd discovered they'd shared.

The first laugh they had shared had been about her art work. They had been sitting on this very sofa, talking shyly the day after the incident with Emmeline Vance. Sirius had been talking, slightly disconcerted by the intense stare she was giving him; her eyes seemed to be analysing every square inch of him, appraising rather than with the admiration that was far more usual. He had been trying to ignore it but stopped speaking abruptly when Lily interrupted him saying excitedly:

"You are…perfect!" Her eyes had widened and she'd immediately blushed, realising what she had just said. But the unexpectedness of the comment had taken Sirius by surprise. For a second he'd stared at her in bemusement before bursting into throaty laughter. She'd looked up to meet his eyes and he smiled back at her and quibbed

"Perfection's overrated, believe me." Before she could stop herself, Lily's mouth had betrayed her yet again and she'd blurted out "Not to an artist it isn't." The raised eyebrow Sirius had sent at her made her wish she could dig a hole and crawl into it, but he'd been genuinely interested.

For a few weeks he had contented himself with simply sitting and watching every time she took out her sketchbook, until one day she'd turned to him with a cheeky smile and handed him the portrait she'd secretly drawn of him during his reverie. He'd liked it, admired it and finally consented to another sitting. Stillness came naturally to him, and by Christmas the pad was filled with drawing after drawing of mini Sirius Blacks, all almost identical to reality. Now they all smirked back at her as she touched the parchment lightly with a trembling finger.

Page after page she turned until she came to the last three, a different face to all the rest. The final sketch leapt out at her without warning and she slammed the pad shut with a gasp. Of course, that had been the last time she'd drawn. The memory flooded back against her will, and for a second she could almost see him pouting with laughing impatience, at the other end of the couch; almost hear his deep throaty laugh as she'd scolded him time and time again for not staying still. He'd never had Sirius's patience.

Could she face that picture? Lily had always been good at art and everyone marvelled at the talent she had for capturing a person's spirit, their identity on paper. It would be him exactly, immortalised for eternity, grinning at her with that damned impudent smile. The smile she'd blocked out of her thoughts, such a long time ago. The smile he never wore nowadays, at least when looking at her. Did she really want to see it?

Just as her mind said firmly « No. », her hands moved of their own accord, lifting page after heavy page of their own free will, ignoring her brain's silent warnings. The last sheet was lifted with shaking fingers and her heart broke all over again as she stared into the most beautiful eyes the ladies of Hogwarts had ever known. They laughed back at her, and the mocking affection in them made her own eyes fill with tears, as the reality of what she'd lost stared her straight in the face.

"I didn't lose it! It was never mine to begin with!!" The angry words were choked out through the sobs, and she threw the damn book across the room, where it landed in front of a pair of slightly startled feet.

"I'd call that more like throwing it away rather than losing it Lily. Good Morning to you too." The owner of the feet smirked at her, and not for the first time, Lily was tempted to shove a pin into that annoying dimple.

"How can he look so good at six thirty in the morning?" Lily demanded to herself. "It should be bloody illegal."

Reading her face like a book, Sirius' smirk widened. He winked at her and said.

"It's a gift Tiger, don't eat yourself up." His deep laugh echoed round the stone room, as she opened her mouth to respond hotly, but before she could inform him that no way on earth would she ever admit to him being an even passably good looking individual, he had placed the rather battered sketched book in her lap, kissed her forehead and threw himself down onto the far end of the couch.

"Go on then." he encouraged, sending her a real genuine smile, and squirming slightly until he found the most comfortable position. She stared at him in bemusement, until he shook his shaggy head, slid a pencil out of the packet and placed it in her hand.

"Now, you place the pointy end on the paper, and move it, back and forth, like thiiiiis." he said, in a voice usually reserved for talking to a three year old, and making large exaggerated hand movements in the air in front of him, like a teacher wiping a blackboard.

Snapping out of her reverie, Lily scowled and chucked the pencil at his head, before choosing another, crossing her legs underneath her and placing the sketchbook on her knees.

For a long time, the only sound that could be heard was the soft scratching of graphite on parchment. Sirius sat there without speaking, simply looking at the copper head in front of him. He'd always loved to watch her draw. Her face would tense in complete concentration, but the rest of her body would be so relaxed. Her legs would swing, her hair would fall into her sparkling green eyes, until she pushed it back with a graceful white hand. She looked at total peace with herself.

For Sirius, it had been a natural step from watching her draw to becoming her main model. Three quarters of the pad were filled with endless drawings of him; at dinner scoffing his face, relaxing by the lake, and laughing with the other Marauders. Only the last few pages were of a different face. But Sirius wasn't blind, and he'd seen immediately that she had poured more love into those three sketches than into all the other drawings put together. She'd been at her peak then; those three drawings were her masterpieces. So much had been captured on those pieces of parchment; so much life, laughter and love that it almost hurt to look at them. No wonder the book had remained determinedly closed since.

Which was why he'd thought his heart would burst with joy when he'd seen the sketchbook land at his feet. She hadn't opened it since that day. Drawing meant feeling, and that was something Lily Evans had forbidden herself from doing since October. Eight months already. Almost a whole year since her sickening revelation. So much time had passed since she'd broken James heart.

To see the book in her hands once more; it was…odd. It brought home how much things were changing. They were changing. Time was running away from them all, accelerating with every minute that passed, like water cascading down a mountain. Only one more year within these ancient stone walls they all loved so much. Only one more year of the security and peace Hogwarts offered, away the world and the painful reality of the war that was blighting the country. Sitting here, by the roaring flames, in the bright summer sun, it was so easy to forget, to live in the moment, in a utopia where the name Voldemort meant nothing. A world where brave and good people were living long and happy lives, instead of dying to protect innocent people against the Pure-blood fanatics who were tying to take over.

People like Henry and MJ Potter, the parents of his best friend, who had taken him in and offered him everything he'd never known; love, warmth and a family worthy of the name. He'd arrived on their doorstep two years previously, drenched like a drowned rat, still shaking from the unspeakable tortures inflicted on him by the rest of the Black family. He'd been fighting to stay upright, his voice almost too weak to be heard over the pounding of rain on tarmac, as he'd called out to James. Mrs Potter had opened the door. Her coal black eyes had widened slightly as she had taken in the appearance of the black-haired boy. His violet ones stared back at her bravely, trying desperately to hold back the tears as they silently begged for her help. They had been breathtakingly beautiful, but never had she seen anything so heartbreaking.

James and Henry Potter had arrived downstairs to see MJ on her knees in the hallway, murmuring softly to the fourteen year old she was clasping protectively in her arms as he sobbed unrestrainedly into her shoulder. From that moment on, Sirius Black was a member of the Potter family; in Henry and MJ' s eyes there existed no difference between James and Sirius; both were their sons, both equally loved. He'd never returned to the Black house after that night and words couldn't express the love and gratitude that welled up in his heart when he thought of the two people that were now his parents in every sense that mattered.

Sirius was brought back to the present day by the flapping of parchment in front of his arrogant nose. Rolling his eyes, he grabbed it easily out of the grinning red-head's hand, and turned it over, wondering vaguely if the months without practise had made her lose her touch.

Shit. Well. That answered that question. His jaw threatened to drop and he swallowed loudly, trying to conceal the amazement that Sirius Black would NEVER admit to. Still, he couldn't stop his eyes from widening as he bent his head to study the portrait in greater detail.

It was him, the portrait was so close to reality it was almost like looking in the mirror. But a distorted mirror. Because the pencil Sirius seemed to glow with an inner radiance, his eyes softly shinning in the morning light, his lips forming a smile to gentle, too affectionate to be real. He was sitting as he was now, strong chin resting lightly on his equally strong hand, as he gazed softly out of the picture. It was an image of himself that Sirius never saw. It took Sirius almost a minute to realise that the picture was how he looked at Lily and Lily alone.

He looked back at her, no longer caring that his amazement was now shining like a lamp from his whole face. She smiled shyly back, and he saw the gratitude there, the understanding and the affection. She knew it had been him, and was thanking him in the best way she could, a way that would make him happier than he had felt for eight months. She looked so beautiful at that moment, so gentle, so genuinely good, that the question that had haunted him constantly since October resurfaced yet again. Why had she done it? How had someone so perfect done something so sickening, so inexplicably cruel?

The spell was broken as the words leapt unbidden to lips and her eyes clouded and became guarded and frowning.

"Why Lily? Why?"

* * *

The portrait whole was flung open with a slam, and Lily's scowl lifted, silently thanking Merlin for the distraction. Lying to Sirius took hours of mental preparation. She couldn't have this conversation now.

Unfortunately the relief was short lived as the two figures standing hand in hand in the doorway, stepped into the room, allowing the light to pick out their features and identify them.

James Potter was smirking as always. Didn't God give him any other expression at birth? Observing the two occupants of the common his jaw clenched visibly but the trademark smirk stayed fixed in place as he winked at his best friend with his customary impudence. Lily he ignored, turning back to the owner of the hand whose fluorescent pink talons were gripping his arm as though afraid it would fall off if she let go.

Lily allowed her eyes to travel disdainfully over his companion. It would be her, that plastic, botox filled whore. Cecilia Dale. Barbie doll of Hogwarts, now in her seventh and, mercifully, final year. Lily's eyes took in the smeared lipstick that matched her diamond incrusted nails, the mussed up hair and the back to front skirt. No prizes for guessing what they'd been up too, she thought disgustedly.

Cecilia's blue eyes stared back at her, wicked, smug and cruelly mocking. Never breaking eye contact she ran her ostentatiously manicured hand down Potter's side and under his shirt, before pulling him into an indecently passionate kiss that left both Sirius and Lily wanting to gag.

God how she hated her. That low, fake, whoring bitch was the reason behind all of this, and just looking at her hands exploring shamelessly James backside, made Lily's eyes well up with tears. To hide it she turned back to Sirius' watchful face and held out her hand for the sketchbook. She didn't want her last memories of her sixth year to be of Cecilia Dale rubbing in her victory. Refusing to meet the concern in Sirius' eyes, she took the book from his hand, got up and turned towards the portrait door, when she was interrupted by the bitch's stupid falsetto voice saying snidely

"Leaving so soon Evans? What's the matter, withdrawal symptoms still not letting up?"

Lily frowned in incomprehension. Knowing full well that she shouldn't react to Cecilia's cruel taunts, she still couldn't help herself. She turned back to the blond, frowning warily as she watched the wide, smug smirk spread all over the blonde's over make-up-ed face. It was a smirk of triumph.

Cecilia's eyes narrowed and glittered in unholy mirth as she correctly read the incomprehension on Lily's face. She stepped closer, pausing to savour the moment before striking the final blow; she'd wanted to do this for so long, waited for this moment for months; the moment when she would finally crush the perfect Lily Evans.

Her voice was soft, almost caressing when she spoke, but the words carried to Sirius' ears, sharp as knives.

"After all, it's been what, eight months since your first and well, last time. Oh don't be embarrassed sweetie, everyone has to be rubbish at some thing, and from what I've heard, you just don't quite cut it in the bedroom department." Her eyes flickered pointedly towards James, before smiling wickedly back into Lily's. "Life's a bitch, ain't it."

Cecilia shrugged her narrow shoulders with an exaggerated sigh, and opened her eyes to fully enjoy the effect of her deliberately aimed words. She smiled gleefully. Lily' expression of stunned agony was exactly what she'd been going for. Her inner bitch purred contentedly, until she turned to share her triumph with the god-like creature standing next to her. She nearly fainted. The look in his eyes turned her own face white beneath the inch thick foundation. It was…terrifying.

His normally glowing hazel orbs burned into her washed-out blues ones with a fire, frighteningly akin to hatred. She had never seen him so angry, never at her at least. It was a look he saved for Evans alone; not even the Slytherins could inspire such loathing. She stared back at him, trembling slightly, mouth opening and shutting like goldfish. Sure, he'd told her never to mention that night, threatened to hex her all the way to Mars if she ever said a word to anyone, but it had been months now. He couldn't seriously still care about that stuck up red head. It was her last day, she wanted to show the bitch that she'd won, see her break down as Cecilia hammered the final nail in her coffin. Surely James would understand that at least.

The two words, bit out through clenched teeth, indicated the contrary.

"Get out." After one more frightened look, Cecilia seemed to crumble under the ferocity of his glare. She turned and fled up to the seventh year girl's dormitory, as fast as her spindly legs could carry her. The door slammed leaving a deathly silence in it's wake.

* * *

Damm that bitch! That lying, pathetic whore!! How dared she?! So what it was her last day of school!! How dare she even talk about that night?! Who did she think she was?! He'd made her swear that she would never mention that conversation to another living soul!! How dare she go back on her word!! How dare she sully those memories with her dirty, disgusting mouth!!

James was beyond angry. Hell no; angry didn't even cover the half of it! He was fucking furious and ready to kill. No one had the right to even think about that night! No one! And certainly not some blonde slut who thought that because he fucked her twice a week, she actually meant something to him!! That night was… untouchable. It always had been. They had both sworn, in some silent, never discussed contract, that that night was never to be mentioned. It had been too…perfect, too special to be brought into the raging war that had followed. However much he loathed her, however much she'd proved irrereversbly that she cared nothing for him, it was still left well alone. The Lily Evans from that night, and the slut that had broken his heart were two different people in James's mind. They had to be; it was the only way for James to keep his sanity. It was the one thing they'd agreed to, to never darken the memory of that moment.

And now, to all intents and purposes, he'd breached that unspoken agreement. It didn't matter that it had been against his will; all she could know was that he'd ruined that memory. In that moment, his loathing for her was all but forgotten. Right now he could hardly bear to look at the hurt and disgust that he knew must be twisting her features.

* * *

In all the time that had lapsed since Cecilia had spoken those ill fated words, Lily hadn't moved. Her green eyes stared blankly at the boy she had given her virginity to, unseeing, her whole body shaking ever so slightly. The words swam round and round in her brain, never making sense, never sinking in until he finally assembled his courage and his beautiful eyes stared back into hers filled with regret and remorse. His silent apology finally brought it home that Cecilia had not been lying, he'd really broken the one unspoken rule and the realisation made her green emeralds well up with bitter tears of disbelief and hurt.

All at once, it was too painful and she tore her streaming eyes from his and ran, out the door, out of the common, as far away as possible, anywhere as long as it was away from him. Her copper curls whipped around her faced, sticking to her wet cheeks and tangling but so what. All she could think of was that her last hope had been dashed.

For all the long months she'd clung desperately to the belief that that night at least, they'd loved each other. What ever had followed, for those few hours it had been perfect, they'd been perfect and the memory of that night remained the most precious of her life. He'd been so gentle, so passionate, so wonderful…he had to have loved her just a little surely. She had continued to believe it, even through all the torture and the hatred, even when her mind screamed at her that the boy from that night was gone, destroyed by her own words, if he'd ever even existed. But she'd never given in. She had needed to believe it so badly, it was the one thing that had kept her sane.

Now her world came crashing down as Lily was forced to face the fact that it had been a lie, a silly girl's romantic fantasy, thinking she was somehow special, thinking that unlike all the hundreds of girls before she'd had actually touched the cold heart of the notorious player, James Potter.

One of the stone slabs under her feet was suddenly higher than the rest, and the change made her trip and fly sprawling onto the hard floor in a heap. She forced herself onto her knees before her strength deserted her and she stayed their watching as the tears dripped down her chin to form a patch of damp between her white hands.

It didn't really matter anyway, she realised that now. She had hurt him so badly, too badly for him ever to think of her with anything but disgusted loathing. That had been the point after all, she thought with a bitter smile. She'd wanted to bring down the great James Potter and she'd succeeded. She'd won but only she knew just how much in reality she had lost.

* * *

In the common room, the two boys watched her go, agony apparent in blue eyes and hazel. James turned to look apologetically at his truest friend, but Sirius didn't even spare him a glance. His glorious face was white and the knuckles of his balled fists were whiter still. In a second he was gone, his long athlete's legs pounding down the stone corridors in a full sprint, intent only on finding his broken angel.

James stood still like a statue, until the echoes of his friends feet were long gone. As if in a trance, he walked slowly towards the couch where the thick, battered book sat innocently abandoned. His brain barely registered what was happening until he realised the sketchbook was between his rough fingers. They hovered, hesitating for a second over the cover as though frightened of what they might find. But the wound was open and bleeding now. He couldn't hurt much more than he was hurting right now.

With shaking hand he turned to the very end of the book. The last page, the one she'd been drawing had been torn out; it lay discarded on the floor. The face that stared back at him from the pad wasn't that of his best mate. He'd indulged in a brief feeble hope that she would have thrown away the drawings, burnt them maybe or shredded them. But he'd known the truth all along.

James Potter gently ran his thumb over the smooth parchment and his own hazel eyes stared back at him from his past. He stood there, without moving, for a very long time.

* * *

Lily's mind was blank as she stared unseeing at the pool of tears accumulating on the stone floor. The numbness was back with a vengeance, her only way of dealing with the searing tear in her heart. From the tear, the flood of regret and carefully repressed anger was escaping in a torrent, raging unmercifully throughout her entire body, burning every thing it touched. Self-loathing was also consuming her. She'd wanted this for God's sake, she pushed him to it! Whatever he may have done before or after, she'd stabbed him through the heart that bright, chilly morning by the lake.

She'd been so angry, intent only on hurting him, on showing the world once and for all that James Potter meant nothing to her, just as she meant to him. She bent her head, squeezing her eyes tightly in the desperate hope that doing so might block out the memories. A futile gesture; he was still their in front of her minds eye, his expression changing from his typical affectionate grin, to disbelief, pain and finally a furious hatred that darkened his beautiful eyes to a glittering black.

In that moment it had felt so good, so satisfying seeing him break under her words, just as she'd broken the day before. She'd smirked at him, the first smirk of cruelty in her fifteen years, and walked back to the castle, eyes sparkling with the satisfaction of revenge. She'd done it perfectly, she'd always been a good liar. And her anger had made it as easy as child's play.

At breakfast her friends had stared at her in disbelief. Sirius and Peter were already helping themselves to a three ton breakfast, as she strolled in and sat down. There had barely been time for a curious glance before Remus Lupin appeared, as suddenly as a ghost, in the doorway of the Great Hall. The repressed almost bestial fury on his normally placid features, made almost every person in the room cringe away unconsciously from his burning gold eyes. Those eyes met the other two Marauders in one searing look, before throwing an sneer of loathing at Lily that made her flinch away from him. Sirius and Peter were by his side in a second, only pausing long enough for Sirius's blue eyes to bore into Lily's green with a look of worry and disbelief, before all three of them were gone.

That had been the most difficult; convincing the four people who knew her best. For days they'd begged her to tell them the truth, talk to them, explain to them why she was doing this, until finally they had to accept her explanation, disguising their disgust, and forgiving her, as she'd known they would, because they all believed she was better than that. They all had so much faith, so much belief in her. The knowledge that she didn't deserve their trust tortured her day and night; she'd sworn never to lie to them, and that fact alone had finally forced them to believe her.

All except Emily. To Emily she'd done even worse. Only for Lily would Emily lie to the rest of the group, to her friends and the entire Hogwarts population. Lily had thrown her self on her closest friend's mercy and asked her to do the unthinkable, to sacrifice her dignity and her reputation to validate her best friends lie. And she'd done it, without a second thought, sadly swearing never to reveal the truth to another living soul.

Since that day her hatred and anger had been matched and bettered by his. Just as she'd wanted, she'd broken him and made him hate her so much that in his anger he lashed out at her verbally and physically. She'd prayed the torture would finally free her from the feeling that still lingered in her angry, hurting hard. But they'd endured, constantly repressed by the hatred she felt for him. Because however much she'd loved him, she detested him a thousand times more for breaking her heart.

The whole school had been shocked appalled when it had got out that Lily Evans and Emily Blackwater, two of the nicest, prettiest and smartest girls in the school, had made a sick twisted bet to humiliate the acknowledged king of Hogwarts. The challenge had been to keep him for a month, shag and finally dump. The teaches had had to intervene to prevent the lynching of the two girls, by the entire Hogwarts female population. He was their Quidditch Captain, their genius, their sex-god and their idol. The two bitches and the friends who stook by them, were immediately ostracised by the rest of the school. James punishment had gone way further, but only targeting the red-head who had beaten him at his own cruel game.

* * *

The sound of footsteps running in her direction was unmistakable, and she knew without looking up the identity of the person who had just skidded to a halt in front of her, panting like a dog from the exertion of running down seven flight of stairs. She didn't want to look up, couldn't bear to see the concern and pity etched on to Sirius's perfect features.

He walked to her side and crouched onto his knees, as he had the last she'd cried, in the common room, two weeks ago. This time he didn't touch her, hesitating in a way she'd never known him to do before. He seemed to be debating with himself, she realised with foreboding, and her whole body tensed as she waited for him to speak.

"I'm sorry Lily, I didn't know…didn't realise you and he had…didn't think it could have gone that far, that deep…I…"

"Don't play dumb Sirius," her force was still under control, just, despite the rebellious tears that continued to trickle down her cheeks. "The bet was to keep him for a month and shag him, in whatever order seemed the easiest. I won. You knew that full well, you knew what it meant. We shagged. Obviously it wasn't that great. End of story."

"Oh yeah? Then how come you're down crying your eyes out to the flagstones Lily? End of story? Don't make me laugh! You're seriously trying to tell me that that's it, you don't give a damm? You're lying Lily, I can see it in your eyes!"

Her head finally lifted to glare at him with a fierce anger that matched his.

"No Sirius! You know what you can see? Regret! Regret for doing something childish and not worthy of me or of Emily, however much that self-satisfied prat deserved it." Yelling was good, it made the lies come easier.

"Dammit Lily stop lying to me!! You might be able to convince everyone else in this bloody school, but don't lie to me! I know you better than anyone in world apart from Emily. Don't try and deny it; not even Jenny of Alice understand you better than I do." He was almost yelling now, and paused for a moment, fighting to regain his self control.

"I'm not an idiot Lily, so stop treating me like one. I know Lily Evans, and I know that neither she nor Blackwater would make such a cruel disgusting plan to hurt someone like that, not even my arrogant prat of a best mate!"

He yanked her roughly to her feet, grabbing the sides of her head to force her to look him in the eye. Her tears continued to flow even as she lifted her chin in that defiant attitude that was hers alone. Even with her heart breaking, she was still dignified and she stared into his face with that dammed stubborn courage; despite himself, he felt his anger and frustration ebbing away. His touch on her cheek softened to gently stroke away her tears and his eyes filled with sadness and disappointment as he tried one last time.

"Please Lils…" For a single second he thought she had given in , her green eyes looked into his with a desperate longing that was heartbreaking to see. But then she was gone, stepping away from him, eyes and voice determinedly expressionless.

"The Lily Evans you thought you knew, she doesn't exist anymore, Sirius. And I'm not sure she ever did." With that she stared at him one last time, before walking away to the Great Hall, where the students were lining up to leave for the Summer Holidays.

Sirius watched her go, his violet eyes sad. It hurt to know that she wouldn't trust him, stung to know that whatever he did, when it came to this subject, she would always run away from him. He wasn't fooled. She was still lying, still hurting and just like James, she still cared. They both knew it, and the knowledge fired their hatred of each other to greater heights, each believing themselves to be the stupid fool who still couldn't let go of their feelings for the other. Their loathing was very real, but was also a mask to protect their already fragile, almost broken hearts.

Sirius allowed a sigh to escape for the two people he cared about more than anything in the world. Watching them slowly tearing each other apart was more painful than all the tortures endured growing up in the darkest wizarding family in England.

Finally he shook his shaggy head and stalked out of the castle gates with his customary, haughty grace and a self-satisfied smirk on his lips, ignoring the splutters and giggles of the ten or twenty airheads, following in his wake. He was still Sirius Black, after all.

* * *

**So?? Tell what you think, whether it was better or worse, to slushy, to slow starting? I'm all for critics especially as I don't have a beta writer. So I'm counting on you guys! Please read and review!!**


	4. Chapter 4

**Finally Chapter 4 is up, and to all people who hate long chapters I apologize in advance because this one is the longest yet. But bear with me, there's a lot going on in this one including meeting some of the other characters properly for the first time. I hope you like it!!**

* * *

All Over Again: Chapter 4

The fields and sunny landscapes were left far behind, replaced by small box-like houses and neat fenced-in gardens, with the odd tree here and there, splashes of green against the typical English city grey. They must be almost there now; urbanisation was swallowing up the Hogwarts Express as it passed by, unbeknownst to the muggles sipping their tea with their little finger held aloof in their bland, cream front rooms.

Lily looked at her watch; quarter to six. Another fifteen minute before they would pull into Platform 9 ¾. Another fifteen minutes before everyone would pile off the bright red train into the arm of parents and loved ones. There would be mums kissing smiling faces, dads patting bouncing heads, siblings laughing and joking together for the first times in months. Tears, hugs, and kisses; every thing Lily had lost. It would be flaunted cruelly before her sad eyes.

It was petty and selfish and mean, she knew. Of course she did. She knew it was wrong to hate the fact that everyone was happy. Everyone would have people waiting for them. People that cared about them, loved them, had gone out of their way to come and meet them off the train. Everyone but her.

It was selfish to scowl at the girls giggling with excitement about seeing their sister's new haircut or their brother's new motorbike. Just as it was selfish to curl up by the window in the carriage she was sharing with her four best friends, sending the occasional glare at Alice who was jumping up and down like there was a live coal in her pants, simply because she was going to see Frank in seven hundred and sixty six seconds. Lily was acting like a brat, but knowing it didn't making stopping any easier.

It was normal for Alice to be excited; she hadn't seen Frank since the Valentines Day Hogsmede trip, almost five months ago. Lily knew how difficult the year had been for the two of them. Since they had gotten together in the girl's fifth year, the two of them had been joined at the hip, to the slight dismay of the rest of the group. But Jenny, Emily and Lily were also the first to admit that the two were soul mates, however strange the idea of their Alice meeting her future husband at fifteen was.

Frank was two years older than the girls, and after an impressive year as head boy, he'd left this time last year to go straight into auror training, where Alice was hoping to join him in a year's time. The year of separation had been hard to bear for both of them, and many times, the girls had sat up with a teary-eyed Alice into the late hours of the morning, reading his letters of love and missing her.

So it was totally understandable that Alice was sitting on the edge of her seat, her light blue eyes staring eagerly out of the window, waiting impatiently for her first glimpse of the love of her life, and Lily felt guilty for the bitter taste of resentment and envy in her mouth.

They made an adorable couple Lily begrudgingly conceded. Frank was tall and dark-haired, good-looking in a neat, well brought up way. Alice was the opposite, with soft blond hair down her back and a round, smiling face. Frank gave off an impression of strength and dependability; Alice was soft, caring and wise in a motherly sort of way. They complemented each other perfectly, and though the other girls often teased her about first love and soppiness, they all watched their friend's happiness with wistful eyes. Frank and Alice's love was one of kind; in their minds they were already married and all three of the other girls couldn't help but envy the trust, confidence and all-round, almost-too-good-to-be-true perfection of their relationship.

Which was why watching her friend, even Lily's mood couldn't help but improve slightly. It was good to see Alice finally smiling properly again and she did look rather funny with her sweet face pressed flat against the glass window.

Jenny met her glance and rolled her eyes laughingly towards Alice, who saw and blushed slightly. All of them smiled, enjoying the last precious minutes of each other's company.

* * *

The compartment door opened and Emily came in, struggling to keep hold of the dozens of packets and packages of sweets that were slipping out from between her folded arms and her chest, and an expression between amusement and exasperation on her face.

"Jenny, will you please do something about the five, no wait…SIX boys waiting outside our compartment. Not to put you or your fan club out in any way, but it took me all of five minutes just to get to the door." She dropped her 4-tonne pile of sweets onto the empty seat next to Lily before turning to Jenny and folding her arms menacingly at her.

The other girls laughed and Jenny smiled up at her friend with eyes as innocent as a newborn baby.

"But Emily, they add so much to the décor."

Even Emily cracked a smile at that one. Everyone knew that Jenny, though an incorrigible man-eater, was in reality very picky about her men. All the boys waiting like lapdogs outside the compartment were good looking, some even gorgeous.

The female population of Hogwarts had always looked on in incomprehension as "podgy, pointy-faced and diminutive" Jenny Dreamer wrapped the school most eligible bachelors around her little finger. Every one of her boys was either wealthy, hot, or a Quidditch star; most of them falling into two or more categories. The only idols not to fall for her were the famous Marauders, which wasn't unsurprising as the leader of that legendary group happened to be her cousin.

It was true that Jenny was not and would never be the classic beauty. She had a heart shaped face with a pointed chin that was slightly out of balance with her full mouth and big eyes; both seemed almost too large for her small face. She was as short as Lily but unlike her petite friend, she proudly flaunted her full hips and large bust. Her hair was an unremarkable brown, falling to her shoulders in a riot of untameable curls. Apparently notoriously messy hair accompanied the Potter genes, as did the glowing hazel eyes both she and James shared.

All in all, a seemingly rather average girl, especially next to Lily's burnished head and Emily's famous blue eyes.

But first appearances are often deceiving. Because what made Jenny Dreamer special wasn't her middle-range looks; it was just…her.

Jenny Dreamer never walked, she never simply sat down or smiled the typical beauty queen smile. She danced. She swept. She strutted. She just had…it. Charm. If her friends admitted she was a touch shallow and a little ditsy, they still loved her for her vivaciousness and her ever-present sense of the ridiculous.

No girl in the school could light up a room like she did, no one could laugh so whole-heartedly or blush more prettily. And no other girl could sway her hips in that soft rolling movement that made any boy above third year have to fight just to drag their eyes away from her. The soft smile she threw over her shoulder, the casual, friendly yet irresistibly seductive way she could approach every one, each touch, gesture, every action was perfect.

The smile that she flashed at Lily now was the perfect example. Warm, wide and winning, she invited the world to laugh with her, and the world could never resist, Lily thought ruefully. She shook her head in amusement as Jenny got to her feet at the command of Emily's raised eyebrow, saying;

"Okay, okay, no need to resort to "the look" , Em. I'll politely ask them to leave, so that you can have complete access to your precious food trolley. Heaven forbid you loose sight of it."

Emily rolled her cerulean eyes at her friend and opened the compartment door with a mocking bow and a smile.

"Oh boys look who I've found for you." Her smirk widened as Jenny looked at her reproachfully. Every inch of her screamed heartbroken betrayal as she turned back to her two other friends with soulful puppy-dog eyes, before the spell was broken and her face split into an almost evil smile.

"Six boys to console and satisfy within the space of ten minutes; Wish me luck girls!"

A final flash of a grin and her mane of brown curls were pushed out of her hazel eyes that were glittering with laughing anticipation, and Jenny was gone.

Her exaggerated sigh of contentment was the last thing the girls heard, before Emily pulled the door shut behind her, joining in as always with Lily's laughter and Alice's head-shaking.

* * *

Typical Jenny. It was a well known fact that Jenny Dreamer was the school's queen of flirtation. Any guy who came under her radar, she would have him. Some of the more cautious ones held out a week, maybe two. But in seven years, Jenny had never yet failed to get her guy.

She was never on the other hand, malicious; she played it straight with the young men she invited back to the girls dormitory. Every one was left in no doubt, that any time, any place, she could leave them and forget them within the hour. It was a risk, but one that every male couldn't help but take. The more experienced ones, the ones who understood the game, she continued playing with on a regular basis.

Jenny Dreamer was the girl that every boy dreamed of getting with. She was also the only girl that the famous womaniser Sirius Black had declared "_worth the price of the condom"._ That quote alone had, overnight, gained her the undisputed title of "Sexiest girl in the school".

The same famous quote had also salvaged her status in the school, after the beginning of Sixth year. The bet between Lily and Emily had resulted in their complete ostracization from the rest of the student body. Alice and Jenny, when told they had to choose between the two girls and the rest of the school, had laughed and had stunned the onlookers with their reply.

"If it was a choice between Emily and Lily and the rest of the English population, we still wouldn't even think about it for a mili second. Between them and you guys; there's more chance of You-Know-Who campaigning for muggle-born rights."

The four girls had immediately been blackballed, and the entire male populous had silently wept for the loss of their goddess. For one memorable day it had seemed that Jenny's career as "most shaggable girl in the school", was finally over, and the every other girl had rejoiced at her sudden downfall.

What happened in those 24 hours was never really found out, at least not by the rest of the school, but rumours would afterwards spread about meetings with the Marauders, family favours and blackmail.

What was certain, was that the next day the notorious Sirius Black and Jenny Dreamer had entered the Great Hall arm in arm, where Sirius Black had kissed her on the cheek and made his famous declaration. And where Sirius Black led, no Hogwarts male would refuse to follow. In two short minutes, it was universally accepted that Jenny, regardless of her friends, was still the most desirable female within the wall of Hogwarts. She returned to being adored by the males and became determinedly ignored by the females, which in all honesty, suited her no end.

It was therefore entirely normal to find five, six or sometimes more members of the male species, trotting behind the four girls, all jostling for Jenny's attention. To her it was amusing if a little exasperating, and her three friends knew that she secretly yearned for the guy who wouldn't take the crap she dished out, who might actually be worth fighting for. The other three tolerated these permanent attachments to their friend with friendly mockery and laughter, even if Alice sometimes thought Jenny was a little heartless towards her adoring fans. But most of the time they all laughed as they were doing now, at the lengths some guys would go to oust his rivals.

* * *

The train pulled to a wheezing stop, and the Platform 9 ¾ was almost completely obscured by the dozens of people greeting its arrival with enthusiastic waving and shouting. Alice was up and pulling frantically at her trunk and smiling like a Lewis Carroll's Cheshire Cat. Jenny had returned moments before and she and Emily rose to their feet talking animatedly about their summer plans.

Jenny and her parents were off to France for a family wedding, accompanying James and his dad, or Uncle Henry as she called him, for moral support. The bride was from James' mother's side who was unable to attend for work reasons and apparently Uncle Henry had refused point blank to suffer snails and frogs-legs alone; by bribe and blackmail he had managed to persuade his brother and his family to save him from "those mad frenchies".

Emily was off to America to visit her mum, who was shooting her latest TV series, a soap opera that was favoured to become even bigger and more popular than her last. It meant that she too would out of the country for the holidays. Even Alice was accompanying Frank to Ireland to meet his Grandparents.

Trunks fell to the ground with a heavy thunk and happy giggles accompanied the pushing and shoving as they scrambled to exit the compartment. All three girls couldn't wait to be off the train and with their loved ones again; the summer promised to be the best yet.

Only Lily hung back, sighing sadly to the glass window before getting slowly to her feet and pulling at her trunk. Her friends were waiting for her, and knowing this, she was trying very hard to repress the pangs of sadness in her chest as they squeezed her heart over and over again. She wanted them to be happy and was putting every effort possible into not tainting their joy with her inevitable glumness. So far she'd succeeded reasonably well, she thought with tiny smile of relief, but mustering their level of enthusiasm was beyond her; calm and resigned was about the best she could do.

"Lily?" Lily's green eyes were veiled briefly as she sighed and squared her petite shoulders before turning to face Emily's concern. There was no hiding her feelings from Emily, the two girls understood each other far too well for the dark-haired girl not to realize just how much Lily was fighting simply to remain upright.

Sure enough, the cerulean orbs fixed upon her were shining with compassion and understanding, and that alone nearly set Lily over the edge. Time had patched the gaping hole left by the deaths of her parents and her little brother Andy, but today, surrounded by overwhelming atmosphere of love and family affection, the old wound ached anew for the first time since the train had left for Hogwarts in September for the start of term.

With a final sigh Lily grabbed the handle of her trunk and dragged it out of the compartment, determinedly avoiding her best friends gaze.

* * *

Emily watched the red curls bounce back and forth as her friend pulled the trunk of the train and onto the platform. She was hiding the pain even better than last year, Emily thought sadly, but then after the break up with Potter and the ensuing months of torture, it wasn't unsurprising. Hiding her emotions had become second nature to the once fiery, straight-talking red-head, and it was heart-breaking for Emily to see the changes the hardship and humiliation had wrought on her best friend.

She was still stunning, Emily sighed, as she watched Lily and Jenny laughing good-naturedly at Alice, who had seen Frank making his way towards them, and had turned an interesting shade of magenta. Lily could never not be pretty, but now she the gave the impression of being a glass nymph, fragile and so easily breakable, instead of glowing with the overwhelming life and vitality she'd once had.

There were purple shadows beneath the emeralds that had once upon a time glittered with either anger or laughter and the skin and hair she'd once lavished time and money on, now were dull and unkempt. In the last two weeks she'd finally started eating more than a mouthful per meal but the proper nourishment had barely begun to repair the damage she'd wrought upon herself.

She'd come so close to giving up. For weeks Lily had been teetering on the very edge of anorexia and depression and the morning of Potter last and cruellest prank, she'd so nearly gone over the edge. She'd been on the brink of snapping as the tears poured down her cheeks and her body exposed itself to the fifty or so people who had come down early for breakfast.

The spell work had been incredible, neither Lily, her friends nor the few early teachers, had found a way to put an end to it, leaving them to watch helplessly. During those long minutes of humiliation before Dumbledore had finally arrived, the last remains of Lily's walls had been crushed and Emily had dreaded the next morning when James Potter would deal one last final blow to break his nemesis once and for all.

Only he hadn't. To the entire school's shock, he'd not only refrained from dealing that blow, he'd put the first pieces of her fragile mind back together again.

Emily could only wonder at what had provoked this completely unexpected change in attitude but she still didn't trust it. James Potter was a spoilt, selfish and cruel bastard when he didn't get his own way, as he had proved over and over again in his sick tormenting of Lily.

If the rumours were true about the alleged meeting with the Headmaster that was supposed to have taken place in the hours after the prank, then it was possible that Dumbledore had been the instigator behind Potters unprecedented mercy. Only the probability of expulsion could make Potter show any kind of better feeling, Emily thought viciously. The headmaster was the only person in the school to have any measure of control or influence over the arrogant, self-centured prick, and the day James Potter suffered from any feeling of remorse or pity, would be the day Taylor Jones became a nun.

Unfortunately however suspicious of Potter's motifs she might be, Emily had to begrudgingly thank whoever it was that had forced Potter into giving Lily breathing space, however short a time it might last. He'd refrained form crushing her before leaving for the summer holidays, which meant two whole months of respite. Emily prayed that somehow, those two months would give Lily the time and space she needed to recover her spirit and her dignity. If not, their final year might be the death of her.

* * *

Lily looked up with a smile, as her best friend finally succeeded in pulling her trunk of the train and made her way over to them. Emily walked up to the group and greeted Frank with a friendly hug, remarking grumpily that he'd grown yet another inch taller.

"What do they feed you in Auror training, seriously?? I would have thought being ten foot tall would have made you an even larger target." Frank laughed and ruffled Emily's hair with the hand that wasn't wrapped around Alice's waist.

"You're not doing badly yourself Emily, especially compared to some of our more diminutive friends here." Jenny and Lily's scowls were identical and adorable as they folded their arms and looked up at his admittedly very high-up smirk.

"I would have thought that somebody called "Longbottom" would have been smart enough to avoid SIZE jokes, eh Big Bum?" Threw back Jenny with a smirk. The girls laughed and even Alice giggled despite her boyfriend's scandalised look.

"Right, I can tell when I'm not wanted, and you shorties are obviously feeling just too threatened by my superior stature." He winked cheekily before taking Alice's hand and smiling,

"We'd better get going love, the plane leaves at two and I thought we could grab a bit of lunch before the happy reunion with my darling mother. Tell the Marauders we were in a hurry and that I'll owl them when we get to Dublin would you? I'd like to beat the rush."

He looked particularly at Jenny whose smirk coincidently made her look uncannily like the messy haired leader of the said group, and she nodded reassuringly. No need to tell Frank that the two cousins were not on speaking terms anymore.

The group all hugged and wished the two lovebirds a good summer with "the Dragon" who commonly went by the name of Mrs Longbottom senior. Then they watched the couple squeeze their way through the groups of laughing people until they were swallowed up by the crowd.

A minute later Jenny spotted her parents waving to her beside a dark-haired Mediterranean looking woman who was looking up and down the platform, tapping her foot with obvious impatience.

Jenny, Lily and Emily exchanged final hugs and promises to write every week, before pushing her way over to her parents, ignoring the dirty glances of fake blond Taylor Jones and her equally fake blond, snooty looking mother as she "accidentally" knocked them into Severus Snape. Another frantic wave and a grin and she too was gone, leaving Emily and Lily standing together watching the students and their families start to file out slowly through the barrier.

Emily looked at her friend directly, and demanded

"Will you be all right?" Lily finally gave up the pretence she'd been holding onto shakily all day. She sighed and answered with the same frankness.

"I don't know, Em. I just…not really sure about anything at the moment… It'll be a long summer without you guys." The half smile Lily sent her friend was brave and meant to reassure, but Emily could see just how much it cost her. The last comment made her eyes darken.

"I shouldn't leave you, I shouldn't have told my mum I'd go. There's still time Lily, I can phone her up and cancel the flight-Dad won't mind having me back for the summer, you know how he hates my mum, and you could come and stay like you always do, rather than spending the summer at the Leaky Caldron! It'll take a minute to call her up, I can arrange in an hour if you'll just…" Lily broke her off, laughing, and she smiled at her best friend lovingly.

"Don't be silly Em, you know you've been looking forward to this trip for months. You'll have a great time with your mum and all the gorgeous actors and fancy parties. And I'll be fine, Tom'll look out for me and working at Florean Fortesque's Ice-Cream Parlour, will fun. Who knows, I might get free sundaes on my breaks."

Lily finished with a grin, inviting the black haired girl to share a final laugh with her, but although Emily smiled, the worry in her blue eyes didn't disappear. Lily sighed and tried again.

"I'll be alright Em, really. You know I can't sit still, and this way I'll have no time for moping about; even when I'm not working, I'll have the whole of Diagon Alley to explore, and Sirius has promised he'll come and brighten my day if I give him a discount on the ice-cream, that'll be a laugh so you see…"

She concentrated every scrap of willpower left to her and summoned one of her rare true smiles.

"I'll have a whale of a time."

Emily scrutinized her eyes, searching them minutely for a hint that she was lying. Apparently she seemed reassured because she smiled more happily and changed the subject as Lily was silently begging her to.

"Speaking of Sirius, have you seen him? It's not like him to forget to say goodbye to you." Frowning slightly Emily scanned the slowly empting platform. She knew that Sirius lived with the Potters now and had done since forth year, but she had no idea of what James parents could look like.

Lily waited sadly, her green eyes on the ground. She didn't want to talk about the slight argument she and Sirius had had that morning.

"Maybe he was in a hurry." Lily offered sadly.

He wasn't coming, she supposed she couldn't really blame him. She'd refused to tell him the truth once more, basically telling him she didn't trust him. But it still hurt that he hadn't come to say goodbye; he of all people knew the loneliness of departing from the platform 9 3/4 alone.

Lily had lost her parents, but Sirius had never truly had any to begin with. The Black family were well know to be the darkest of the old wizarding families, relying of their wealth and status to avoid the consequences of their "Pure-Blood Mania" and altogether hatred of muggles and muggle-borns alike. Discipline was installed into the children's head via methods such as torture, beatings, even sometimes use of the Unforgivables.

Sirius never talked about that period of his life, not even to Lily. What she knew, had been hinted at by James in that short month they had been going out, when she'd asked about the scars that decorated most of her friend's body. Magic could have vanished them but to Sirius they were proof to the world of his disownment of his family and their entire way of life.

Sirius knew better than anyone the sadness she felt as she stood alone, watching the happiness around through tear-filled eyes as every embrace, every laugh brought back the painful memories. Since the year they'd become friends, Sirius would always and join her as she sat on the green, metal bench until the last person finally disappeared through the barrier. It was her ritual, before taking the bus the Leaky Cauldron where she rented a room most of the summer, thanks to Dumbledore's generosity and understanding. The idea of doing so alone, made her heart sink, but after all, she thought sadly, she had only herself to blame.

* * *

The loud bang of a door being slammed open made every person on the platform turn their head, and the two girl rolled their eyes simultaneously at four boys standing side by side like models, in the open doorway.

James and Sirius were as ever, in the centre, side by side, breathtakingly beautiful and wearing identical smirks and they surveyed the platform as kings might their court. Equally tall, equally broad, they drew the eye of every girl and held it. James seemed to glow with satisfaction at the success of their attention grabbing stunt and even Sirius looked languidly amused at the jaws all hanging to the floor.

He turned his gorgeous head to roll his eyes at the tall, pale boy next to him, who chuckled with long-suffering amusement.

Remus Lupin had neither Sirius' mesmerising perfection, nor James' jock-like sex-appeal, but he still made a striking figure, with a loping grace and watchful amber eyes. At first glance Remus seemed to represent calm itself; his pale features customarily surveyed the world with an aloof amusement and only twice in his six years of Hogwarts had he ever been seen to lose his legendary cool. To the Hogwarts population he was detatched, intuitive and undemonstrative, the voice of reason and practicality behind every Marauder Prank. Remus was smart without having the instant genius of James or Sirius, but his hard-working and rational nature had won him the coveted position of prefect in his fifth year, along with the red-head, Lily Evans.

The sandy-haired adolescent grinned at his friend, nodding to the rather short boy standing on the other side of James, who was gazing awe-struck at the fifty or so people staring up at them. Sirius chuckled and turned to look questioningly at the group's unofficial leader.

James grin widened and he nodded. He glanced at his three fellow Marauders, ran his hand through his famous hair and set his trademark smirk in it's rightful place.

"Guys, I believe it's our stop."

In perfect unison, the four sixteen year olds descended the ramp like models on a catwalk; brunettes gasped, blonds fainted and even one red head allowed the tiniest hint of a small affectionate smile to brush her lips. Cocky git.

* * *

Five minutes later the effect of the Marauder Entrance or in this case exit had dissipated and people were bustling about trying to push their way to the barrier, with only a few side-glances at the famous group.

" Jesus Peter, it was a RAMP! A FLAT ramp! How could you trip on a perfectly smooth, trip-proof, IDIOT-proof surface?!"

James shook his head in amused exasperation and Peter flushed slightly. He just didn't really have the natural grace of his friends; he was clumsy by nature, explaining the embarrassing stumble in the middle of The Entrance. He had only just been prevented from falling flat on his face by James' quick reflexes, in grabbing the back of his stripy maroon jumper and yanking him upright.

"I'm sorry alright." Peter small faced creased into a scowl and folded his arms in a way that could only be called sulky. James sighed and answered good-naturedly

"Nah, don't be, I'm being dumb Wormy, stupid making an issue out of it." Peter was always slightly touchy about the obvious differences between him and the rest of the Marauders. Most of the time, these differences were never really an issue; it was testament to the power of popularity that small, rather podgy Peter had his own fan-club complete with girls who adored him just as much as Sirius and James and Remus's groupies worshipped them.

Just being one of the famous Marauders meant that Peter had far more girls than he ever would have otherwise and the group's influence with the teachers meant that being rather less clever than his friends, wasn't usually a problem. But Peter did notice and it did worry and wind him up and his friends knew that however much they told him he was as much a Marauder as any of them, the small pangs of jealously were always there hidden deep down.

But they didn't allow him to dwell on it, even if they sympathized with him, at least on James and Remus' part; Sirius saw nothing to envy in his own life and therefore had difficulty understanding his friends self-esteem issues. To them it didn't matter if Peter was a little short, with dirty blond hair and washed out blue eyes and a scowl that made him rather rat-like in appearance. Peter, although less bright and less brainy than the rest, was sweet in a dopy way.

He completed the group and though they laughed at his occasional clumsiness and childishness he knew that they would stick with him through thin and thin because that was who they were. Even if he couldn't stay upright.

Ever the peacemaker, Remus deftly brought the conversation back to their unfinished discussion from the train ride, feigning a sulky pout to lighten the atmosphere.

"So explain to me again why you are basically being rewarded for casting a completely inappropriate, cruel, perverted jinx on an albeit deserving fellow student. Because I'm having trouble with Dumbledore's logic here."

"Rewarded? Euh Remy don't take this the wrong way or anything, but erm… I thought you're Moon Madness was supposed to have finished yesterday. Maybe we should lock you back into the Shrieking Shack for another month until your brain starts functioning again? What do you think guys?" James shot worried looks at both Peter and Sirius, edging away from the werewolf with exaggerated wariness.

They laughed and even Remus grinned as his eyes cautiously swept the empting platform to check no one in earshot. Most of the people had gone by now; only thirty or so people were still waiting for their offspring. His parents were nowhere in sight, but he wasn't worried; his dad was always hopelessly forgetful.

Taylor Jones still couldn't bear to miss a single last second of the Marauders and she was talking loudly to her strangely plastic looking mother about how she'd « done…like…so amazingly in her exams » Remus rolled his amber eyes and noticed a woman standing by one of the brick pillars. Judging by the way MJ was tapping her foot, Prongs might do well to hurry up a little.

Catching his friend's eyes he nodded towards the dark-haired woman sending rather scary death glares at the joking boys, and had the enormous satisfaction of watching a rather adorable expression of absolute terror cross James' face. This would be fun, thought Remus as he and Sirius exchanged smirks.

Peter too, finally caught what had grabbed his friend's attention and his pointy face paled to an interesting green colour. His hasty goodbye was somewhat garbled as he walked very fast in the direction of his parents whom he'd just spotted, throwing a « have a nice summer » over his shoulder, to James ' intense irritation. Lucky git, at least he got to run away.

James turned to Sirius with doleful eyes saying

"Perhaps we'd better not make her any madder, hey, Padfoot?"

But Sirius' attention was otherwise occupied; down the platform Evans and Blackwater were exchanging final teary, goodbyes before the dark-haired girl stepped through the magical barrier with last frantic wave. The two other boys followed his gaze and looked at their friend; Remus with a mixture of anxiety for Sirius and dislike for the redhead he was watching; James with a hard, carefully emotionless expression on his handsome face. The coldness in his voice was mirrored in his hazel orbs.

"Mum's waiting Padfoot." Sirius seemed to wrench his gaze form the girl standing alone, staring forlornly at the barrier through which her friend had passed. His met James cold look with apologetic but determined eyes and said

"Tell MJ I'll be a bit late. I'll take the night bus to your place later, it shouldn't take to long to drop her off at the Leaky Cauldron. I'll be back for dinner."

The two boys held each other eyes for a very long moment and the air around them crackled with repressed tension. Remus found he was holding his breath, but then James was walking briskly away, without a backward glance, towards his mother.

* * *

Remus turned to Sirius. He was watching Lily again, always with that look on his face. Remus hated that look, simply because it was look reserved only for Lily. The carefully masked worry and affection in his breathtaking violet eyes, made it impossible for any onlooker to doubt the depths of his adoration for her. Disliking Lily as he did so for her treatment of his best friend, it was nigh impossible to accept the bond between her and Sirius. It made him uncomfortable, uneasy, stirring up infinitesimal feelings of guilt in regards to his own treatment of his fellow prefect.

He'd never tormented her, not even verbally; he'd simply blanked her. From the morning of October the 31st, he'd refused to acknowledge the pretty red-head's existence. It had her hurt her, he knew, and to no small degree. They had been friends before that day, not especially close, but enough to enjoy patrolling together, enough to share the odd laugh and occasional light-hearted flirt. But since that day any liking he might have felt for her had been abruptly destroyed.

To Remus his friends were his life. Every month they risked expulsion, prison and even their very lives for him. The only thing he could offer in return was unconditional loyalty and friendship. When Lily Evans had broken Prongs' heart, she'd forfeited all rights to even his civility. The difficult part was accepting the fact, that the playful but incredibly kind girl he'd thought he'd known, had never existed. The Lily he knew would never shag a guy and break his heart, for 20 galleons.

Watching her now, it was…odd. Despite his still ever-present anger and disgust towards her, he couldn't help but feel for the red-head on this day. No one should have to go through that kind of loss.

His sad musings were interrupted by Sirius voice, harsh as he struggled to hide his emotions, roughened by concern for his angel.

"I've got to go to her Moony." His violet eyes burned into Remus', begging for his understanding, his pardon.

It was painful to see the earnest sadness on his friends habitually mocking and slightly bored face. Remus glanced once more at Lily's burnished head and nodded. Sirius was already meters away when he halted as Remus called after him.

"Can I…come…?" Sirius stared back blankly, and Remus felt his pale cheeks flush slightly. The black haired boy hesitated before answering, as though searching carefully for an inoffensive way to say what he wanted to say.

"She's hurting today Moony. A lot. She won't…she might not be able to deal with hatred or anger today. I…you can't hurt her…not today mate. Please." His eyes were uncertain, worried about his friend's reaction, but equally reconciled to the knowledge that he would do anything he had to, to spare her any more pain today.

"I don't want to, I just… Next year will be hell for her, Sirius. Prongs isn't one to forgive and forget, whatever Dumbledore might threaten to do. He'll do everything he can to bring her down and make her lose that badge. She'll need help. The other prefects all despise her and James will make all the use he can of that. She needs an ally."

"And you're suddenly worrying about her now? You haven't talked to her all year Remus. Why this sudden burst of forgiveness?"

"I haven't forgiven her anything!" The menace in Remus usually soft voice sent chills running down Sirius's spine.

Careful, his inner voice said, don't make him lose control, full moon was only two days ago. Sirius looked warily into his friends suddenly burning eyes, mentally recoiling from the beast as it thrashed against it's bonds. The bestial fury, the evil, it was always carefully repressed, lurking unnoticed at the back of the amber depths. Remus famously even temper was a necessity, every moment the werewolf inside strained to break free, to take control, and any anger was like throwing him the key to his shackles. Only twice had Remus ever lost the battle with his inner demon. James' back still bore the scar from being thrown fifty feet into the stone wall.

Never breaking eye contact he slowly placed his arm on his friends shoulder. The rage flared in to a fury and Sirius almost closed his eyes his to the blow. The moment seemed to go on forever, decades passed before finally Remus softly exhaled and slumped, exhausted from his silent battle. His amber eyes were weary as he met Sirius' gaze.

"It's her dream, it always has been. Ever since her parents died, everything she's done has been to get Head Girl. Her mum was…she always hoped Lily would do the same. I can't ruin that for her, however much I hate her. And for the memory of the girl I thought I knew, I can't let Prongs ruin it either."

They looked at each other for a moment and then Sirius nodded.

"Are you going to tell her why?" His voice was clipped and business like.

A pause and then,

"No, it's not our place." Another nod and then Sirius indicated towards the bench where Lily was sitting staring at her hands. The two boys approached in silence; they'd reached an understanding.

* * *

She really should stop biting her nails, Lily thought dully, they kind of ruined her otherwise quite pretty hands. Short, stubby and unkempt, rather like the rest of her, she self-mocked.

Her gaze remained fixed on the white fingers until out of the blue, a shadow made them suddenly seem blue, as the owner blocked out the June sunlight. Pushing her curls out of her green eyes, Lily raised her head to see the smile she'd been thinking of for the past ten minutes, beam down at her from a rather intimidating height.

She smiled irrepressibly, meeting his wickedly laughing eyes with instantaneous relief and gratitude; suddenly the sun seemed brighter.

"I thought…"

"I wasn't coming? You actually thought I'd let you down today of all days, huh? For the top of the year Lils, you can be quite adorably stupid, you know that?" His words were softened by the affectionate grin on his lips as he looked down at her, shaking his head in laughing exasperation.

She smiled back, before her eyes widened and she said haltingly

"Sirius, about earlier…I wanted to…." She was interrupted by his hand held up in a gesture to stop. His eyes were serious as he answered gently

"Don't worry about it, babe." then they turned playful. "I've even brought you a gift, though I'd probably wait till you get to your room before unwrapping it." His violet eyes were sly and wickedly amused; hers were uncomprehending until she looked past her black-haired friend and saw the boy standing behind him; they widened in disbelief.

Remus stepped towards her, rolling his eyes at his friend's irrepressible innuendos, before giving her a slight smile.

"Hi." Lily could only stare blankly back. What was he doing here, talking to her, SMILING at her? He hadn't even looked at her since that day.

"What…?" Lily started, but the words just wouldn't come. She didn't want to hope, to dream that Remus might be talking to her again, she couldn't take being shot down, not today. She was suddenly scared and realised with horror that her eyes were welling up with tears. Angrily she blinked them back and stared at him, waiting for him to speak.

"What am I doing here?" he paused, staring at the floor. Then he sighed and his amber eyes met hers seriously.

"This year, we haven't even tried to work together, at least I didn't and I didn't give you much of a chance either. Our prefect duties really suffered and next year will be even harder if we don't try to pull together." He took another deep breath and his face hardened as he looked her directly in the eye.

"I can't forgive what you did to Prongs, Lily, and our friendship will never be the same because of that. But next year, it's going to be our last, and to me it seems stupid to make it even harder than it has to be. So I guess I'm here to ask if you want to try and salvage some kind of…something, from what happened. I'm angry with you, I don't particularly like you a lot at this precise moment, but holding grudges this long seems…stupid." He paused waiting for her to speak.

"You want us to be civil?" Her voice and face were dead of all emotion.

"Well…I was kind of more going for the friendly acquaintance thing, but it's up to you." She looked up to see a small grin on his face. He was joking with her, he really meant it.

Suddenly her heart felt light as a feather and a real happy smile spread across her face for the first time since Emily had left. She could only nod, and he smiled again, saying

"We'll just try and forget the past, sound good?" Again she nodded. He echoed the movement in satisfaction and returned Sirius' grin widely.

"Great. Well my parents are expecting me so I can't really stay any longer, my Mum will eat me alive." He joked. "Have a good summer guys, and Sirius, I'll owl you about my rabbit ok?" A final triumphant grin and he was gone, the lucky bugger had already passed his apparation test, having turned seventeen in May.

* * *

Lily turned back to Sirius, who laughed at her stunned but happy expression. Shaking his head he drew her into his arms and hugged her saying

"Stoopid." Lily snapped out of her daze to hit him smartly round the head, and he pouted at her with his puppy-dog eyes.

"I thought you liked your present." He said reproachfully, rubbing his ear theatrically. "Even if you didn't get to unwrap him."

Lily was in the process of hitting every available part of her friend's body when she was interrupted by a cold voice from behind her.

"You risked my Mum's wrath to let yourself be beaten up by a girl Padfoot? I'm not sure pathetic really covers it."

Lily's heart threatened to jump out of her chest it was beating so fast, as she turned to look into the beautiful eyes of James Potter. Instantly they looked away to Sirius, who was frowning slightly in puzzlement at his friend's unexpected reappearance.

"Hey Prongs, erm, I said that.."

"Trust me I heard you, but Mum has decided that if you do not come home with her right now, then, I quote, "I will shove that broomstick so far up your arse you'll look like a squirrel!" Meaning MY broomstick and MY arse, and so to save my arse I AM going to make you come with me now, whether you like it or not."

Sirius smirk was pure evil.

"I don't know mate, You might look good with a bushy tail."

Lily couldn't help but giggle at the classic mental image, before stopping hurriedly as James' icy cold eyes locked with hers. His voice was soft, sensual but the menace in it sent shivers up her spine.

"Don't…ever…laugh at me, Evans." She gulped and cringed slightly as she watched his full lower lips curl with disdain. Even cold and rather frightening, he still managed to resemble an avenging angel, her brain registered vaguely.

"Or I might find that abusing one's power is just…too irresistible." He ended with his trademark smirk, and watched with satisfaction as her brows knitted in incomprehension. He opened his mouth to speak again, but was cut of by Sirius' sharp voice slicing through the tense atmosphere like a knife, breaking the moment.

"If what you said earlier is true mate, we might want to think about leaving, unless of course you want to make MJ even madder; either way, it's your tail." He shrugged elegantly and sent a innocently questioning glance at his best friend, who scowled but gave in, saying darkly

"What I want to know is why I'M the one ending up a rodent when YOU'RE the one who's wasting her time."

Sirius smiled his sweetest smile and said simply

"Easy; she likes me better!" A kiss on the head to Lily accompanied by a quick "I'm, sorry, I'll come by tomorrow.", and he was swaggering away with his biggest smirk plastered all over his face.

Another giggle escaped from between Lily's lips, and once more James hazel eyes burned into her own. Slowly agonizingly slowly he leaned forward, so close his lips brushed her ear, his warm breath giving her goose bumps as he spoke softly and gently

"Till next year, Evans. I'll be looking forward to it." He drew back and her eyes opened; she hadn't realised she'd closed them.

He was already walking away, strutting towards Sirius as though he owned the world and more.

She stared after him, allowing herself once last look of what may have been longing, taking in every inch of his strong back, tanned arms and irresistibly firm behind. His messy hair shone like ebony in the sunlight, and softly she sighed. It seemed that all she ever did was watch him walk away; the only exception had been that day by the lake. She'd strutted away from him, with that exact same smirk of cruelty on her face, not knowing it would be the final time, that from that day on, he would always and forever be the one leaving her behind him.

* * *

The onlooker watched impassively as the girl, seemed to sigh before turning back to her trunk. She looked tired, fragile. Maybe even crying. Not good. It seemed a pity; Lily's observer had heard great things about her from contacts in and outside the school. A brilliant mind, pretty and a brave and caring disposition. And a reason for wanting revenge. She'd sounded perfect. But weakness was unacceptable for what the onlooker had in mind.

About to turn away disappointed, a movement caught the person's eye. As they watched, the girl stood up, and suddenly slapped herself on both cheeks, shaking her head vigorously. The watchers mouth quirked into a smile. Better, she obviously was as impatient with tears as her observer. The girl squared her petite shoulders and proceeded to march smartly down towards the barrier, head held high and eyes flashing with determination. The onlookers smile widened. Maybe this girl did have something. With a little help and guidance…

A voice called out and after a slight pause, the onlooker turned and walked away towards a shiny black limo, marching with a smart stride almost identical to that of the girl leaving in the other direction.

* * *

**So what did you think?? Please tell me, even if it's just a big rant about how ridiculously long this poxy chapter is. This chapter is sort of an introduction to what will happen in the next few chapters, there was a lot of information in it as well as the long-awaited descriptions of the rest of the gang. So anyway do review and moan at me or even better complement me lol. It makes me write faster and better, honest. :)**


	5. Chapter 5

**Wow, already chapter 5, it's kinda hard to believe. For all those who were slightly disappointed about the lack of J/L action in the last chapter, this one, hopefully, will make up for it a little. **

**Apart from that, thank to all my reviewers, especially the anonymous ones that I can't respond to in person. **

**I've been thinking for a while about leaving a preview at the bottom of each chapter, of the chapter coming after it, like I've seen in a lot of fics. But it did seem a little boring so instead I've decided that any reviews will be rewarded by a hint or tip about what will happen in the future. So if there's one specific question that's keeping you up at night, put it in your review and I'll try to give you at least a hint if not an answer to it. Promise! Hmm that sounds rather worryingly like bribery lol. **

**Anyway, apart from that, I own nothing of this apart from the plot and a few characters that you don't recognise, and I luv you all!!!!**

* * *

All Over Again: Chapter 5

It was an unusually hot day even considering the fact that it was early July, and Florean Fortesque's Ice-Cream Parlour was doing a roaring trade. Almost every table was full, families and couples happily enjoying the rare English sun and the sight made Lily smile with satisfaction, thinking of the tips the day would bring in.

Her boss looked to be equally satisfied; Mr Fortesque was bustling from table to table, chatting with familiar faces and welcoming newcomers with his famous, French charm. The way he moved was French too, Lily thought affectionately; the dark-haired confectionary genius simply couldn't keep still. Even when stopping to talk with his beloved customers, his hand would be gesticulating wildly, his eyebrows as mobile as the rest of his lithe body and his eyes would always flicker constantly to the different tables; they missed nothing and had earned him the reputation of an impeccable host, completely attentive to his guest's needs.

He made her job as a waitress fun, Lily acknowledged, while still keeping her on her toes; the Frenchman was a perfectionist and anything less than the best would earn his two waitress' an earful of his frightening French temper. In the week since school had ended, both her and Hestia had heard enough French swearwords to see them through the next twenty years.

Lily cringed inwardly at the memory and shook her head; better not get caught daydreaming or she might never hear again.

Catching her boss's eye, she quickly arranged her face into her best «charming customers » smile. The answering grin of appreciation on all three of the young men's faces, indicated they wouldn't be mentioning her slight lapse in attention to her boss anytime soon.

She took down their orders and walked to the back of the Parlour with another smile, ignoring Hestia's laughing eyes and waggling eyebrows. Hestia Jones was an incorrigible flirt and firmly believed that Lily was as well; apparently prettiness was synonym for promiscuous.

Rolling her eyes slightly, Lily couldn't help the upward tug pulling at her lips. Hestia for all her mocking looks and innuendos, was great fun to be around. Two years older than Lily, the dark-haired girl bore an uncanny resemblance to Sirius or rather the Sirius he never showed to people. Lily sighed slightly thinking of the difference between the boy she adored and the Sirius Black the rest of Hogwarts knew and worshipped. They were complete opposites in every way. His true smile was only ever seen by the Marauders and herself, and Lily couldn't help thinking what a waste it was; something that beautiful shouldn't be locked away.

Hestia's loud, excited voice shook with barely suppressed laughter as it carried through the open door to the inside of the Parlour where the massive pots of ice cream were stored, and Lily's eyes widened in surprise.

"Lils, there's a certain young man asking for you and he seems rather determinined to…get what he wants." The implication in her voice was thinly veiled and Lily rolled her eyes at her friend's comment. She called back with slight irritation

"I've got an order for two sundaes and a banana split Hestia, can you tell him to wait?" Sirius would understand, she thought, reaching the metal scoop back into the tub, though what he was doing here, she couldn't begin to fathom. He'd told her only yesterday he couldn't come today, hadn't he?

* * *

Sirius had been making a point of visiting every day since term had ended, declaring that he'd broken his promise to accompany her to the Leaky Caldron, and therefore was obliged by Marauder code, to apologise everyday for an entire fortnight. Stoopid boy, she thought fondly; as if she hadn't worked out it was so he could give her ludicrously large tips.

Her working for the summer had been a contentious subject between the two friends; Lily's adamant refusal to let Sirius pay her lodging at the Leaky Caldron for the summer had led to the first shouting match the two had had in over a year.

Sirius had been left a substantial amount of money by his great uncle, and would probably not need to work for the next twenty years if he had been so minded. Money had no particular value to him, and though never particularly ostentatious, he simply could not comprehend why Lily insisted on earning and paying her own way.

She'd hurt him by her refusal and she hated it, but her pride refused to accept hundreds of galleons a month from a friend only three months older than her. There had been many glares and sulks and pointed comments for the week following their fight, but Sirius had finally and begrudgingly accepted the arrangement. Now he tried to get around the difficulty of his angel's stubborn pride, by turning up every day, ordering the most expensive desserts on the menu, and innocently leaving her tips of enough money to buy food for a week.

Lily's lips couldn't help but curve into a smile as she thought of her friend's generosity; reasoning with the beautiful, black-haired but oh so stubborn boy had made no difference. He'd looked at her with wide innocent eyes when she'd demanded where the ten galleons had come from, waving the offending coins in front of his annoyingly perfect nose, and he'd taken to leaving while she went to get his receipt, affectively forcing her to keep the preposterously large amount of change.

* * *

Hestia' cheery tones intruded once again on Lily's musings, louder this time as the pale girl poked her pretty head round the door. Seeing Lily still struggling with the enormous banana split, she rolled her black eyes before walking over and grabbing the metal scoop impatiently out of her friend's surprised hand. She ignored Lily's protesting and pointed to the door with the spoon saying in a rather McGonagall- like manner.

"Maybe you misheard me, but did I or did not explicitly say that there is a ravishingly gorgeous young sex-god waiting out-side at table 13, refusing any other waitress but you?"

"I just need to…"

"Lily Evans, get your pretty butt out there this minute before I use this rather coincidently shaped utensil to scoop out one of your apparently blind eyes and stick it on the bloody sundae!"

Lily gave in with an irrepressible grin at her friend's ridiculously stern look, at backed out the door. Over her shoulder Hestia voice caught up with her in an afterthought

"And get me his phone-number!!!"

Still snickering, Lily brushed down the front of her uniform and mad her way quickly but elegantly towards the wooden table embossed with two gold numbers; 13.

* * *

The occupant of the table was sitting facing the Parlour and therefore Lily as she walked towards him, but the white and gold menu he was currently reading obscured his face completely. Only his thick black hair peeped over the top as it twisted gently in the breeze and the hands holding the elegant booklet were as tanned and strong as ever.

Lily couldn't help the grin that spread until it covered her entire face; it was so good to see Sirius. Even if he had been there everyday of the past week, it still felt like a weight lifting of her chest. Nevertheless, it was strange for him to be here. She could have sworn he was meeting up with a girl today.

Trying to keep her pleasure and excitement out of her voice, she said laughingly

"I would have thought you'd have had that menu memorised by now. Was it me you couldn't do without for one day, or was it more likely Mr Fortesque's ice cream?"

The white paper descended slowly, revealing the customers' identity and Lily's happy smile seemed to fall off her face. For a full minute, she could only stare at him, her entire willpower engaged in keeping her instinctive shock and horror off her features.

James Potter caramel eyes laughed mockingly into hers, as he elegantly folded the smart menu and held it out to her unresponsive figure. His dark humour deepened as he watched her gape like a strangled codfish, and he sat comfortably back in his chair, openly enjoying her stunned reaction.

It was this more than anything that finally made her pull herself together; his mocking attitude, the arrogant way he was tilted back his chair, in the exact same manner he had as he finished an exam in only half the given time, or received yet another perfect O. It all infuriated her, and finally managed to break though her horrified disbelief.

The emeralds turned hard and deliberately expressionless, as she took out her notepad and pencil, before speaking with a bitingly forced politeness

"Hello, I'm Lily and I'll be your waiter today. What I can I get you?" Her cheeks flushed with rage and embarrassment as his eyebrows rose suggestively at the implication behind her words.

Lily grit her teeth, trying to ignore the way his eyes were roving inch by inch over her entire body, taking in her and her uniform with an experienced eye. He finally looked back at her with grin almost identical to ones she'd received from the threes still watching her from two tables down. But when they'd smiled it had been with honest admiration, with no insult or sous-entendu intended.

Only James Potter's predatory gaze could make her feel like she was being stripped naked; hot, bothered and exposed as he looked her up and down for the simple pleasure of making her feel uncomfortable. To her annoyance she could feel the blood pooling in her treacherous cheeks as his gaze lingered shamelessly on her open top button and long smooth legs. She'd liked the fitted white shirt and black waistcoat both she and Hestia had to wear, and today in the heat, it hadn't even bothered her to be wearing black dress shorts with her heels, instead of her usual trousers. Right now though, she was definitely regretting her burst of self-confidence.

The sixteen-year old in front of her seemed to sense her uneasiness and his smirk widened, making Lily wonder exactly loud her frantic heartbeat actually was. His beautiful eyes sparkled with unholy mirth as he answered her and Lily's cheeks flushed an even darker pink.

"Well…Lily," his voice caressed the syllables with deceptive gentleness and Lily felt her heart clench; she'd forgotten what his calling her name, did to her.

"What would you recommend for a young, sexy guy who's feeling rather hot and sweaty?" He smiled innocently as she bit her lip hard to stop the retort escaping and, ignoring the obvious innuendo and the slightly nauseous feeling in her stomach, she managed to reply with tolerable composure.

"Maybe Sir would like to try out Pineapple Sorbet and Firewhiskey Surprise, very refreshing on a hot day like today." It was her turn to smile innocently back, and she watched with great satisfaction as his eyes narrowed dangerously. They'd been going out two weeks when he'd confided that secret to her; James Potter was badly allergic to pineapple in any form, coming out in large unsightly rashes and pick blotches, seconds after eating even the tiniest amount. The dig hit home, but both of them felt the pang in their chest as it brought back banished memories of the two of them sitting in the kitchens, swapping chocolate frogs and histories.

He recovered almost immediately, though and put on the trademark "James Potter Smirk" that made hearts flutter and knees go weak. Lily was no exception and the effort it took to keep her face calmly composed and friendly was…painful.

"No thanks, I think rather have a…Double Chocolate Cookie Crunch Sundae if you don't mind?" He said, shooting her his sweetest smile. Lily heard her teeth grind together. Bastard. They both knew he hated chocolate, just like they both knew she couldn't live without it. Florean Fortesque's Double Chocolate Cookie Crunch Sundae was Lily's favourite thing in the whole world, as high up as air and water, on her list of everyday necessities.

"With extra chocolate sprinkles and marshmallows on the side." He returned the menu to her with a flourish, smiling innocently.

Lily's answer was sickly sweet as she bit it out between clenched teeth

"Of course, right away sir." Struggling to keep her mouth tightly shut, she inwardly cursed Potter for having chosen the table that was furthest away from the door to the inside of the Ice Cream Parlour; she had a whole twenty meters to cross, before she could escape his perverted gaze. Her final glance at him showed her how deliberate his choice had been, as he smirked at her nodding his shaggy head towards the door that was so far away.

Taking a deep breath Lily shot him a fierce death glare and marched as quickly a possible to the safety of the cool, inside salon where the ice-cream bar stood. As she'd expected, Potter's burning gaze never left her back, scorching her though her clothes like a red-hot poker. Only when she was through the wonderfully thick, impenetrable door did she allow her knees to give way, taking a few moments to calm her vibrating heart and cool her hot cheeks.

Five minute later, she came back outside with the requested sundae, only to almost drop it in shock as she saw her nemesis laughing and talking animatedly to her boss.

* * *

Banishing the surprise and annoyance from her face, she walked over to the table and placed the ice cream in front of the two of them with a wide friendly smile. No way was James Potter going to provoke her into getting herself fired. The man and the teenager looked up, smiling smiles of equal sweetness.

"Thank you Lily, if you only knew how hungry I am." the hateful git, said in a voice of velvet. Another battle with herself not to punch him; his warm glowing eyes were indeed gazing hungrily. Shame they're not fixed on the bloody ice cream, she snarled silently.

Mr Florean gave the black-haired boy a doting smile and flapped Potter's hand away as he reached into his wallet for the seven sickles.

"Put zat thing away zis minute, James. As eef I would let you pay you seely boy. Your mother would nezer forgeeve me." he chuckled and added

"And Ow as Miss Lily been treating you, well I hope?" Lily's heart, which had been threatening to jump out of her chest, now stopped still as she and Mr Forteques waited for James' answer.

Panic overwhelmed her and, throwing pride to the winds she stared into her nemesis' eyes, openly pleading, silently begging him to do this one thing for her. He locked his eyes with hers, enjoying the sweet smell of victory, revelling in the feeling of having her begging for mercy, his mercy. As his cruel smirk of triumph spread over his face Lily's heart sank, her eyes filled with tears and her copper head bowed, waiting for him to crush her once and for all.

"She's been perfect, all I could ask for. Maybe you should think about giving her a pay rise." Lily raised her head in disbelief to seeing James laughing with the tall Frenchman. Mr Fortesque laughed back, saying

"Excellent, excellent _mon garcon_. Now I must get back to my other customers or zey weell sue me for neglect." Another elegant laugh and he was gone, leaving James and Lily staring at each other, one in stunned incomprehension, the other in easy amusement.

For a minute or two, they simply looked at each other, until Lily broke the silence saying confusedly

"Why…you could have got me fired…and you hate me, so why…?"

"You really think I'd stoop that low Evans? You think I don't know that this job is what's keeping a roof above your head? » His expression darkened, the amusement disappeared and he looked back at her with something akin to disgust in his hazel eyes.

"You can hate me as much as you want Evans; it can't come close to my loathing for you" she flinched slightly but he carried on unmercifully "You can call me an arrogant arsehole and a bastard, but don't you dare imply that I would get you kicked out of you fucking job. You really think I'd celebrate my first week of the holidays by getting a classmate thrown out onto the street."

Lily opened her mouth to protest but again he interrupted her, still speaking in that same, low but painfully vicious voice;

"And don't say you'd tell Sirius or anyone for that matter, because you wouldn't Evans; you're too stuck up to let even your friends see that you might be just a little weak, that you might need a little bit of help. So just to let you know Evans, I DIDN'T come here today to get you fired, I came here to…"

He paused, and all emotion disappeared from his eyes and tone.

"I'm off to France for the holidays, Evans, tomorrow. And no, before you ask, don't worry; your precious Sirius isn't going too," he said with just a touch of bitterness. He took another deep breath and continued

"As I said, I'm leaving tomorrow, for the whole summer. My Dad's taking me training and ,well, I won't have a chance to do this any other time…" Another hesitation. He looked up and saw that she was still staring at him in confusion; her brow was slightly creased and her lips parted as she tried to see his point. Damn those lips.

Finally he stood up, and without looking at her said briefly

"I didn't want to leave without telling you that...that night…it was better than every other night I've ever had, put together. So don't you dare believe a word of what that over-manicured bitch said, you hear me? Not...a bloody...word."

With that, he turned towards the busy street and didn't look back, not even as his name floated softly to his ears from her lips, for the first time in almost nine months.

"James…"

He halted at the gate to the terrace, shoulders tense and staring fixedly ahead as she spoke the last words he would hear from her all summer.

"Thank you…"

He nodded, and carried on walking, unable to speak or even to look back for one last glimpse of the girl who still had, now and forever, his heart.

* * *

It was late afternoon, before service finally quietened, and therefore late afternoon before Lily could really reflect on the unexpected meeting with the school's Golden Boy. She had done well so far, putting him completely out of her mind, refusing to let him shake her professional calm. But just now, a little violet haired girl sitting with her stately but smiling mother and rather goofy father, had just ordered a Double Chocolate Cookie Crunch and Lily had nearly, so nearly broken down; she even asked for extra chocolate sprinkles, Lily thought, as the pain grasped her in an iron grip.

Pulling herself together, she delivered the glorious looking sundae, and had added an everlasting sparkler and a pretty gold umbrella for good measure. Her attention to detail was rewarded when the little girl gasped with excitement and before sticking her tiny tongue out in concentration and, to Lily wonder, turned her entire head of hair, a bright sparkling gold to match the little parasol. Both parents smiled gratefully at Lily and indicated their thanks with a handsome tip when they left half an hour later, the little girl twirling the sparkler around like a wand.

The Ice-Cream Parlour was almost empty now. It was nearing six o-clock and most people were leaving rather than arriving at Diagon Alley; Hestia had already been given permission to leave, even though the Parlour technically closed at six thirty.

Lily finally finished putting away the last of the empty glasses and walked back out onto the terrace to enjoy the last minutes of a lovely summer's day. However, pushing her copper curls out of her eyes, she was a little astonished to see that she wasn't the only one having had such an idea.

Sitting at one of the tables, surveying the now peaceful alley way, was a black haired, brown skinned woman, tapping her graceful fingers with slight impatience. Seeing this Lily walked rapidly towards her, an apology floating on her lips, but she was stopped by the lady's words.

"Ah, I do apologise for the lateness my dear, you must be all but packing up but I really am in grave need of ice-cream, before I head home." Her smile was warm and friendly, and Lily couldn't help but smile in return.

"Of course, no problem. What exactly would you like?"

The woman frowned at the menu, and pushed her sleek black hair back into place behind her ear before handing the booklet back to Lily with a flourish.

"I guess I'll just have to forget my diet and go for one of Florean's Strawberry Sundaes, with raspberry coulee and nuts." she decided, giving Lily a dazzling grin.

Slightly dazed, Lily nodded and took the menu being held out to her, smiling and walking in to the ice cream bar. Mr Fortesque was there, checking the quantities of ice cream remaining, with a pleased smile on his face.

"Zere you are Leely, I was going to tell you could go ome, if you're done with ze cleaning." He smiled cheerfully at her,

"Estia , she as already left."

"Well sir, another customer has just arrived. She'd like a Strawberry Sundae, with raspberry coulee and nuts. From what I could gather she seemed to know you sir."

The Frenchman's eyes widened and he muttered to himself something in French before rushing out the door with a look of disbelief mixed with anticipation on his thin face. Lily watched him, slightly surprised at his sudden hurry. Florean Fortesque never rushed, hurrying was beneath him; he was as cool and languid as his famous ice creams. Odd.

The sundae was a relatively simple one to put together and only took a few minutes; still Lily took the time and effort to make sure it was perfect. If this woman was one of her boss's friends, she didn't want to leave her with a bad impression.

* * *

As she passed through the door, she came face to face with her said boss, and only quick reflexes prevented the perfectly made sundae from ending up as a pile of pink gloop on her freshly cleaned floor. Mr Fortesque staggered back with an apology and Lily was rather disconcerted o find him gaping at her with a look that was almost…respect on his haughty features. Lily stared at him in incomprehension; he gave her a final almost proud smile and pat on the head, before bustling back to his beloved ice creams, practically bouncing with suppressed excitement. Lily could only stare.

The woman's hand waving gracefully towards her, snapped the redhead out of her musings, and she hurried over, slightly flushed from embarrassment as she placed the Sundae on the table. The woman smiled in a reassuring manner.

She was very elegantly dressed, Lily thought to herself, albeit it surprisingly muggle attire. The neat fitted pencil skirt and matching suit jacket were of beautiful cut and a pretty, smart yet feminine powder blue. The t-shirt she wore underneath was blue too, but a darker shade, fringed with lace that softened the formal ensemble. The whole thing set off the woman's beautiful gold skin and large eyes, that were so dark they were looked black in the late evening sun.

The woman smiled at her and Lily, realising she'd been staring, flushed an even darker pink. About to crawl away in embarrassment, she was saved yet again by the lady's musical, unusually deep voice, saying with gentle amusement

"It's the up and coming fashion apparently. My friend Coco who designs them, persuaded me to be one of the first to wear one. What do you think, does it look ridiculous?"

She was asking her opinion on her outfit? This beautifully dressed, obviously wealthy woman was asking her, Lily Evans, what she thought of her clothes. The thought was almost overwhelming, but with great effort Lily pulled herself together and answered with tolerable composure.

"It's beautiful. The cut, the colour, the touch of femininity, it's all perfect. The suit is perfect. Though personally I would have worn maybe simple heels rather than boots. Powder blue ones even to match." Lily hesitated slightly. Had she said too much? The woman had, after all asked for her opinion, but she hoped she hadn't offended with her often rather blunt answer.

But the black haired woman seemed far from offended; on the contrary she seemed…satisfied in some way, as though Lily had just lived up to her expectation, as though she'd passed a test somehow. Her eyes glowed with approval and the smirk that touched her lips was more business like and slightly familiar, but before Lily could contemplate it any longer the woman in front of her was pointing a gold finger towards the seat opposite her, encouraging Lily with another dazzling smile, to take it.

Still bemused, Lily sat. There was a sense of power about this woman, a no-nonsense, McGonagall way about her. Behind the pretty clothes and elegant manner, there was a confidence and air of one used to being obeyed immediately. Even when she smiled, Lily suddenly noticed, the woman's black eyes remained watchful and omniscient. This was not a woman to be crossed.

A slight pause and the woman seemed to make up her mind about something. With another smile she held out her hand towards the puzzled girl, and said

"I didn't get the chance to introduce myself; my name is Moniqua Monroe. Florean told me your name is Lily Evans, is that correct?"

The second half of the speech fell on deaf in ears; Lily could only stare gaping at the woman in front of her who had just announced herself to be one the greatest Quidditch prodigies of the last century.

Moniqua Monroe had taken the world by storm at the tender age of fourteen, making her name as the youngest ever player to play for a countries national team. She had taken the French quidditch team to victory in two world cups, and had earned her place as one of the greatest seekers in history, and a role model and hero to female quidditch players across the world.

The teenager had been on her way to greatness, her career expected to be one of the longest and most glorious in the history books. The world had been her oyster and she, for some inexplicable reason, had turned her back on it.

On the eve of her twenty-second birthday, having just won her second world cup title, Moniqua Monroe had stunned the world by announcing her intention to give up Quidditch for good, to the horror of her team and country. True to her word the legend had seemingly disappeared, without a trace. No records had ever been found, besides those of her five year at the famous French School of Magic, Beauxbatons, and then her two years at Hogwarts after her transfer in fifth year. The world mourned their lost hero, and in time the searches stopped and the legend of Moniqua Monroe faded from most peoples minds. Only to young female quidditch players, was she still known as an inspiration and role model; in other words only, to people like Lily.

The woman calling herself Moniqua smiled at the young redhead's obvious astonishment and, sensing her disbelief took out of her pocket a slightly grubby passport. Despite its obvious age, the words « Moniqua Jasmina Monroe » were there, clearly printed above the smiling photo of a much younger version of the woman in front of her. Lily raised her eyes from the girl winking in the black and white photo, to the woman that girl had become, disbelief now replaced with amazement.

"Would it be really stupid to say, that the first thing I want to ask you is 'Can I have your autograph?' " Moniqua laughed her deep throaty laugh and shook her head at her copper-headed fan.

"If you really want it, I can give you one later. But if I've taken the time out of my rather busy schedule to come and speak with you Lily Evans, it probably isn't to sign your shirt." her face became serious, even grave as she continued

"I'm here to ask you about your parents."

* * *

The silence was deafening in a strange, wrong way. How could a silence deafen you, the thought floated vaguely through Lily's head, as her brain tried desperately to take in Moniqua Monroe's words. It was several minutes before Lily could answer, several minutes of feeling the dark haired woman's sympathetic gaze on her face and feeling strangely light-headed and grasping frantically at the wall of self-control she erected around her emotions. But when she finally pulled herself together, Moniqua was still there, still watching her with that gentle, patient gaze.

"Why do you want to know?" the rasp of her voice surprised Lily, before she gasped slightly at the implications of a complete stranger knowing both her past and her whereabouts.

"How do you know that anything happened to them. How do you know all this about me?? » Her eyes were frantic, she was already up from her seat before Moniqua firmly grasped her wrist, in surprisingly strong grip.

"Enough Lily. Sit down; I'm not here to hurt you and I am willing to explain exactly how and why I know so much about you."

Her calm and at the same time stern voice cut through Lily's panic and she felt her heartbeat slow just a little. Lily had always been good with authority. Even when young, she had already grasped that when an adult told you not to do something, it could be for a good reason. The teacher-like attitude calmed her, and made her open her deaf ears. She sat back down, still cautious but no longer bordering on the verge of flight. Her logical mind was already telling her that if this woman knew something about her, she'd be well advised to find out both why and how.

Reading her decision in the green eyes, Moniqua Monroe allowed the slim white wrist to slip gently out of her grip. She leaned back, approval in her expression. The girl was, if checked, able to overcome her emotions and master herself; that was good, in time she would learn to achieve it on her own, through strength of mind and willpower. The woman nodded her black head, before continuing quietly.

"I do know a lot about you Lily, and I will explain how that is. But what I need from you first is one final proof, to show that you are capable of handling this knowledge. I need you to talk to me about your parents' death. Can you do that for me?"

Slowly, very slowly, Lily nodded and Moniqua's eyes once again watched with sad approval as she watched the girl in front of her face the horrifying memories, the ones that gave her nightmares to this day.

* * *

_Flashback_

_"Come on Mum, Dad! "_

_Mr and Mrs Evans laughed as they watched their beautiful, baby girl turn around yet again to beg them to hurry; Lily had been accepted for the Gryffindor Quidditch team the year before, and after a whole season playing on one of the ancient school Shooting Stars, her parents were finally taking her to buy the new broom she'd been saving up for since September. _

_"Go on ahead luv" Lily's father, Jonathon Evans, answered the silent pleading in his daughters eyes. The emeralds flashed immediately to her mother, Rose Evans who nodded smilingly towards the green sign of Quality Quidditch, all the way down the other end of the street._

_The fourteen year olds face lit up in a breathtaking smile of happiness and she squealed as she ran as fast as her legs would carry her, down the cobbled streets, the thought of the new Nimbus 500 making her break into a sprint. She collapsed outside the door, exhausted but happier than she could ever remember being since she received the Hogwarts letter that had changed her life._

_It was still early, the shop had barely opened, but despite this there was one other customer there, contemplating the different brooms with an undecided expression on his face. As she ran over to her long-awaited Nimbus, she skidded on the wooden floor and collided with the tall man, who, looking down at her in amused surprise, couldn't be more than twenty-five._

_She flushed slightly at her clumsiness but the young dark-haired man, spoke to her kindly, with a hint of a laugh it his gentle voice_

_"No worries Miss, you seem just as excited as I am at the thought of finally getting a new broomstick. Which one are you tempted by?" Lily smiled back at him, pointing at the shiny broomstick with Nimbus 500 written in gold across the Mahogany handle. _

_"Hmmm… I'm having trouble deciding myself. What do you like so much about this one?" With excited eyes; Lily was off, pointing out every one of the finer points of the broomstick; the balance, the acceleration, the speed, the …_

_She broke off abruptly, suddenly very aware that she had just gabbled away to this poor unsuspecting stranger for the last five minutes. But he laughed at her expression, and opened his mouth to reassure her when suddenly an explosion of earthquake proportions shook the building and the entire street._

_Both Lily and the young man were out of the door in second. At first, the thick smoke obscured the magnitude of what had happened. As it began to clear, figures motionless figures almost completely covered the cobbled streets. In that lull of silence, no one seemed to breath; all they could do was try and take it the sight before them. The street had been literally blown apart, ending only meters down from the shop lily and the young man had been in._

_Finally in the hush, ten or so figures stepped out of the smoke, 100 yards or so away from where Lily was standing. They were all masked, her stunned mind registered numbly, all in black robes and masks like skulls. People from other shops further up from the devastating blast, were by now all standing in shock in the street, with more running towards the scene every minute._

_For a second Lily didn't notice the hand pulling gently, so as not to attract attention, on her sleeve. Looking up with her terrified eyes she saw the man from the Quidditch shop, looking down at her urgently. Finally she managed to focus on what he saying._

_"Listen to me Miss, I need you to run, as fast as you ran for your broomstick this morning, I need you run ten times faster now, can you do this for me?"_

_She nodded dumbly before her eyes widened with horror_

_"But my parents, they're down there, I can't leave them, I won't!!"_

_« Miss, you've got to, this is life or death. You have to run with me. Run and keeping running and… »_

_"No they're my parents I won't leave without them, they're muggles, they can't do magic, they'll…"_

_Her voice caught on the fatal word and she realised tears were streaming down her cheeks. The figure were moving closer now, their wand arms slowly rising and the young man knelt down to grasp Lily's shoulders. _

_The look of determination on his face would haunt to her dying day, just as his next words would make the turning point in her life forever_

_"I'll go, I'll get them. But first listen to me yeah," he stroked her wet cheek before continuing, "can you do this for me? I need you to remember my name," he hushed her as she tried to interrupt, speaking faster and faster, eyes fixed on the figures steadily coming closer, "When you get out of here, tell the aurors that Harry McKinnon sent you back, that Voldemort has finally moved out into the open. You got that? Harry McKinnon says Voldemort has moved into the open."_

_The small red-haired girl nodded fiercely, and Harry smiled down at her;_

_"Good girl, good brave girl. You'd make a fine auror some day, if you're not playing Quidditch for England that is."_

_Lily laughed through her tears, a tiny tinkling sound, but in the silence it echoed through the air fast as a ripple, reaching the ears of the figures in cloaks. Over Harry's shoulder Lily's heart stopped as she met for the first time, the blood-red, cold, merciless eyes of the one who would come to be known as the most powerful Dark Wizard in history. Trapped in them, Lily could only watch as a pale, hand slowly lifted the wand that, she was certain, would take her life and the life of everyone she loved. _

_It was at that second that Harry McKinnon turned to see what had transfixed her and at that moment that he pushed her physically away yelling at her, his dark blue eyes burning into green ones, willing her to do this last thing_

_"Run, don't stop running and don't look back, remember…" he fell to the ground as he took the curse meant for her, in the back and collapsed blank-eyed in front of her._

_She ran, ran faster than she'd ever run before, though the flashes of light, feeble protego's and the endless Killing Curses, faster than a normal fourteen year old girl could ever normally run. Whether thanks to adrenalin, or some strange uncontrollable burst of magic, Lily would never know; she willed her feet to take her away, to obey Harry McKinnon's dying wish, and they did._

_End of Flashback_

* * *

Tears were streaming down Lily's cheeks once more as she came to the end of her story and even the dark eyes of the woman in front of her, seemed to glisten slightly with unshed sadness. It had been so long since she'd talked about that day, about her parents, about Harry, the sweet, gentle auror who had lied to her and had given up his chance to escape, to save her life. So long. So much suppressed pain, flooding back.

Lily's voice trembled as she spoke once more but whether from the tears or the anger in her soul; Moniqua could not tel.

"I'm going to kill him." the words were soft, barely audible but cut the silence like a knife. "Even if I die in the process, I swore at my parents and Harry McKinnon's funeral, that I would kill the monster who took away their lives. Or I'll take down as many death eaters as I can while doing so."

Her lip trembled as she said it, her voice catching, her tears still streaming down ghostly white cheeks. Never had a girl looked less dangerous, Moniqua thought to herself, but when this girls say it…She shook her head looking into the fiercely burning emeralds. With all the people who have sworn they will kill You Know Who, never have I believed a person more. There was no more question about it, Lily Evans was worthy.

Moniqua's voice broke the deathly silence, filled with warm pride and quiet sympathy.

"I'm sorry I put you through that Lily. It was unfortunately…necessary, however much I regret it."

Lily Evans's eyes were flames as she demanded simply

"Why…?"

Moniqua looked at her before answering her demand with another question.

"Do you know what happened to the once famous teenage superstar known as Moniqua Monroe, Lily Evans?" Lily shook her fiery head and stared back into the dark head woman's suddenly intense gaze. For a moment the coal black eyes rivalled Lily in their passion scorching, her with their intensity.

"She gave it all up; the fame the fortune, everything, to fight for what she believed in. She disappeared, vanished from the world. She was given a knew completely secret identity and she became an auror. »

Lily could only stare as Moniqua Monroe continued, locking her eyes with Lily's and holding them.

I'm giving you a chance Lily to do that too. To fight for what you believe in, to make this world the better place we want it to be." She hesitated, waiting for Lily to speak but the redhead remained silent.

"You want revenge Lily Evans, but you and I both know that as you are now, you couldn't defeat two of his death eaters, let alone try and kill the greatest dark wizard of all time. You need training, help, a mentor. I can give you that." She paused to take a breath and spoke more gently;

"I can make you into a weapon capable of fighting against the Dark Lord. I can teach you how to duel, how to think, how to escape and most importantly how to survive. I can turn you into an auror to rival the best of any of the fresh blood coming out of their three-year auror training. I'm offering you the chance to bypass the official system, taking you into an elite one-on-one intensive training that will, if you so please, fully qualify you as an auror at the end of this two month long course. At the end of your final year at Hogwarts, you will then be accepted straight away into the squad of your choice. That is what I am offering you; a chance at you revenge, the opportunity of a lifetime, and most of all, the ability to save others less fortunate than your parents and Harry Mckinnon."

She finished her speech and simply looked at the girl in front of her. Still so young, Moniqua thought sadly, barely on the edge of adulthood and already her life is spiralling out of her control, already her future is centured around war and death. It made her heart ache to see all these children being forced to grow up too soon, no longer safe in the knowledge that parents are invincible and loved ones immortal. Childhood and naivety were luxuries people just couldn't afford any longer, war knocked at every door, often the ones thought the safest. If she took it, this chance would shape Lily Evans forever, defining her as the person, the adult she would be, and despite the small sad part of her that yearned to scream at the girl as Harry had done all those years ago, to run, run while she had the chance, Moniqua Monroe knew already what her decision would be, because that was why she'd chosen her.

On queue, the scarlet head lifted, and for a second as Lily Evan's green eyes burned into hers, Moniqua Monroe could help but feel a tiny glimmer of hope, flickering treacherously in her heart.

"Yes."

* * *

**Whew, that was a surprisingly difficult chapter to write, especially the second half. Part of me worries I kinda rushed it but, the other half reasons that the chapter was already very long. Only one way to tell, Tell me what you guys think! **

**Please please please read and review!!! Any feedback is welcome, especially from some of my favourite critics lol**

**Lily has finally found her mentor, and the story can really get started now that she's on the right track again. Even James helped a very little, by coming and apologising about Cecilia. He's sorta progressed from ginormous arsehole to simply a major arsehole. **

**You can probably guess what's going to be happening in Chapter 6, but do look out for it any way and don't forget, R&R**

**Luv y'all**

**Lili**

**:) :) :)**


	6. Chapter 6

**This Chapter turned out slightly different to plan, mainly because, as you'll see, the Flashback overran. This meant that the finished chapter complete with every thing it was supposed to would be roughly around 12000 words long, which you probably agree is pushing it slightly. :)**

**But I couldn't bring myself to cut down the Flashback, quite simply because I liked it and also because, for one of the few times in this story, it is entirely from James' point of view. I'm hoping that this very very long flashback will be worth it by giving you guys a better insight into James' mind and very carefully hidden emotions. Unfortunately to do this meant cutting the chapter in two, so the ending isn't the cliff-hanger I wanted it to be, but hopefully it'll do. I'm too much of a L/J fan to deprive you of the best bit of L/J action so far. :)**

**Read, review and enjoy lol**

**PS: No skipping ahead :)**

* * *

All Over Again: Chapter 6

"Up, up, up!! Come one Lily, you're already ten minutes late." Lily lifted her head, blurry-eyed to see Moniqua standing at the end of her bed, arms folded and foot tapping in a way that warned Lily she'd do well to wake up a little faster.

"But Miss Monroe, Sunday is marked down as relaxation day, can't I…"

"May you emerge from your cocoon somewhere in the late afternoon, is that right? Unfortunately, my dear Lily, becoming an auror means saying farewell to such luxuries as lie-ins." The dark-haired woman spoke sternly, but the tiny twitch of the corner of her full lips made Lily permit herself a small sigh of relief. She wasn't mad yet, and she wouldn't be if Lily made up the lost time.

Forcing her body to abandon its comfortable position in the warm, squidgy duvet was not a fun experience. Even after Lily's fourth week of intensive training under Moniqua Monroe, her muscles weren't quite accustomed to waking with the dawn. By the time Lily emerged from the small, simply furnished room she'd been allotted by her mentor, half an hour had lapsed, and the wait had done nothing to improve the Frenchwoman's temper.

Lily's eyes were apologetic as she stood silently in front of the black-eyed auror who still managed to convey an impression of intimidating fierceness. She looked Lily up and down and sniffed. Lily pouted; she'd been in a hurry.

One of the first things Moniqua had informed Lily about being an auror was that power came from confidence.

"Enemies feed on fear, the run from confidence. Even Voldemort is nothing more than a bully at heart, and, like every bully and every tyrant, he will always fear the people he oppresses, because one day, one of those people will stand up for themselves and his invisible prison of terror will vanish. Our job is to be that person, to stand up and fight, and show that we too can inspire fear. Confidence, Lily, is everything; coincidently it is also the thing you lack most. Part of it will come as your abilities will grow, with each step and each new skill, you will feel yourself better and better armoured in your fight. But part of it must come from you as a person. Step number one: To act confident, you must dress confident. Which is why, no matter the day nor the lesson I will expect in smart, well-chosen attire. For this, my wardrobe is at your disposal. I also expect you hair to be neat and nails to be unchewed. Anything else I leave to your choice. Am I clear?"

Lily had nodded and quickly continued packing her things in her room of the Leaky Caldron. Moniqua had taken her to a training outpost, complete with a small room for her to lodge in. The training room was a massive space almost as large as the Great Hall at Hogwarts. The walls were lined with bookshelves on every subject that could exist, and Lily couldn't stop herself beaming as Moniqua told her they were there at her disposal.

The only downside to the arrangement was having to give up her job. The farewell to both Mr Fortesque and Hestia had been strangely sad for people she'd only know a fortnight. But Moniqua's timetable was scheduled to minute precision and every day was filled. There were no weekends; to complete the three year auror training in just two months meant working from early in the morning to late at night, each day and every day. The only spark of hope Lily had seen on the horizon had been the Relaxation Day marked under Sunday on the intimidating schedule.

Monday was dedicated to offensive duelling, from curses and hexes to traps, manoeuvres, and technicalities of duelling aggressively, alone, with a partner or in a group. Lily had always excelled in the school duelling club, but she barely knew a quarter of the spells, listed by Moniqua as 'to know'. Most were, either highly difficult or only to be used in exceptional circumstances. There were spells to break bones and to blind, to suffocate and to cut. Lily felt sick simply by reading them, but any auror had to know what he could one day be up against. Casting them at her teacher, regardless of Moniqua obvious ability to protect herself, was still difficult. Knowing when and how to use dark magic, Moniqua reassured her, was something that only came with experience.

Tuesday was dedicated to healing, exploring all methods from antidotes to with a wand. This particular part of the curriculum was something Lily loved. She'd always had a natural feel for potion making, so antidotes were child's play for her, no matter how dark and deadly the poisons they healed. Healing with a wand was far more difficult, but her mind enjoyed the challenge and her heart warmed at the idea of saving either loved ones or strangers. The class didn't go into as great a detail as Lily would have liked, but, as Moniqua told her when she complained, she was being trained as an auror, not a healer. Her job meant that she needed to know how to keep someone alive until a healer arrived on the scene; emergency magic not surgery.

Wednesday was for tracking, concealing and stealth, all, according to Moniqua, just as important as knowing how to duel. A good auror know when not to rush into a fight, when working silently and swiftly is less risky than jumping into a battle. Moniqua was teaching her how to 'feel' magic, how to taste the subtle differences between their essences and thereby determine the spell caster. Another important part of the training was 'the snatching of the wand'. Moniqua would stand in the middle of the huge room and Lily would have one hour to retrieve her wand from her pocket using any method she chose. The first, second and third time she'd tried, Lily had been detected within three minutes. On her fourth try she lost her temper and tried to hit her teacher with a nonverbal stunning spell from behind. The stunner was sent back at the speed of sound and Lily awoke with a splitting headache an hour later. Lily never tried attacking her teacher in Stealth class again.

Thursday was reserved for duelling again but this time defensive duelling. Moniqua had started off slow, throwing only mild hexes at her, before gradually progressing to darker, more difficult ones. Half way through her training, Lily could already block ninety-five percent of the curses Moniqua sent her way. Another aspect of the lessons was how to protect someone else. Moniqua explained that roughly half of a good auror's career would be spent acting as a bodyguard, to dignitaries, members of the Ministry or simply prisoners. Lily was given a stuffed dummy she had to defend from all sides as Moniqua apparated like lightning around the room sending destructive hexes and curses at the poor thing. Lucky for Jim as Lily had named him, Lily was improving. The first lesson Lily had spent more time putting Jim back together than actually defending him. To make it easier, Moniqua had suggested imagining Jim as someone she cared about, someone she WOULD do anything to protect. Lily had given Jim thick black hair, complete with black pen stubble, insisting to herself that it represented Sirius, knowing full well that even in bed, Sirius would never allow his precious hair to fall into such a state of disarray.

Friday lessons were…unexpected. Rather than being a necessity to becoming an auror, Moniqua had informed her that any person, in any job, needed to learn at least one other language. In regards to being an auror, one never new who one might be assigned to protect, nor where an assignment might take her. A second language was another useful weapon in her toolbox, rather than her armoury, and therefore Thursdays were dedicated to learning French. Lily had asked her mentor about her choice and Moniqua had answered simply, because it would be a waste to not make the most of having a native French teacher. French was also quite closely related to both Spanish, Italian and obviously Latin, and would facilitate the learning of any of these languages. As Lily became more and more fluent, Moniqua also introduced her to the idea of inventing and designing spells, which happened to be something she did as a side job for the Ministry. The process had fascinated Lily ever since Sev, no SNAPE had started weaving his own incantations in his free periods and scribbling them all in that textbook of his. It was however extremely difficult and very much one of those 'you either have it or you don't' things, and Lily apparently didn't have it. It didn't stop her from trying though and she'd certainly improved a little in the last two weeks; just not a lot.

Saturday was test day. In one day-long assignment Lily would have to call on everything she'd learned so far. Moniqua's favourite form of test was making taking Lily to an obscure spot in the British Isles, and leaving her with a map and instructions to get to a certain spot before nightfall. Moniqua would attack, trap and misdirect, distraction or impeding Lily from accomplishing her task, and the read-head was allowed to use anything spell, trick or plan to arrive at her goal. These assignment were incredibly tough, but extremely rewarding; they allowed her to acquire first-hand some real experience of the situations aurors would find themselves in. Another variation on the test was to accomplish the same task, but this while carrying and protecting Jim; the mannequin died the mission was classed as failed, much to Lily's disgust.

* * *

That left Sunday, which was officially marked down as Relaxation Day. Lily scoffed inwardly, Moniqua had made it clear that a relaxing auror was an auror doing a bad job. In other words Sunday was just another day of torture under a prettier name. To Moniqua it meant sport, usually painful and humiliating sport. Lily had been put through lessons of horse riding (which Lily wasn't very good at), kickboxing(which she was actually pretty good at), fencing (bloody damned difficult) and shooting (which was actually quite fun when you imagined the target as James Potter' head). But today Moniqua had planned something different, something fun, she'd said with a distinctively evil smirk that STILL bugged Lily as to where she'd seen it before. Lily had previous experience of Moniqua's slightly different concept of fun to the rest of the world; according to her, doing sit-ups was 'fun' and Lily should try it. Lily had complied but she'd yet to find out where the 'fun' part came in.

Moniqua seemed to sense her qualms and smiled reassuringly

'Trust me, you'll like this one.' Lily sighed and followed her teacher out the door towards a small broom cupboard in the kitchenette. She opened it and reached in, before turning and handing Lily the most unexpected thing in the world.

"A broomstick?!" Moniqua seemed to look puzzled at her

"Well there is a reason they're called broom closets Lily." She winked and grabbed a second broom before closing the door.

"They weren't originally named for hormonal teenagers, you know." she laughed her deep musical laugh marched smartly to the door, nodding at Lily to follow.

Outside Lily asked

"Are we flying here?" Moniqua shook her head and grabbed her arm. Lily felt her insides squeezing like a pressed lemon; she hated side-along apparation. Feeling slightly sick she tried to concentrate on her unknown where-abouts, as Moniqua had taught her. She was outside what looked to be…a Quidditch pitch. What the hell? Where WAS she? Empty countryside apart from…

"We're still on the estate," Lily noted with surprise. Moniqua smiled.

"Why?"

"Because that's the manor house near our training post, only we're looking at it from the West side, rather than the East." Moniqua nodded in approval before leading Lily through a side gate, into the stadium, which could only be a little smaller than the one at Hogwarts. Wow.

"But you told me the training post belonged to the Manor house, on the hill. Does that mean…?"

Moniqua nodded, but changed the subject almost immediately.

"Do you remember our first day, and how I talked to you about confidence Lily?" The copper head nodded.

"You told me that during your third year of Hogwarts you played in the Gryffindor Quidditch team, which indicates that you must have no little skill in flying. I want you to develop that skill, and in doing so break your self out of this mindset that you are worthless, am I clear? "

"Yes Miss Monroe." Lily tried to repress the nausea . Moniqua nodded and her voice became more gentle

"I know you don't want to do this Lily, after the death of your parents and the circumstances, I understand your reluctance and your fear. But your parents wouldn't want you to give up the things you love Lily, especially because of them. This is my old darling, my Silver Arrow. He's seen me through two World Cup matches and lots more beside. He'll look after you" On her face was a slight smile, sad but loving; for a split-second it reminded Lily of her mother's.

Lily nodded and, at a signal from Monica, mounted the broom. Her heartbeat mounted exponentially, Moniqua was wrong, she had been on a broom since her parents' death but that day had been different. She'd trusted him, wanted to please him on his day of triumph. Without his warm body to cling to, her hands were trembling like leaves.

Moniqua walked over and placed her brown hand on Lily's white one. Her black eyes were warm and comforting as she looked into Lily's and said

"Relax, it's alright. Really." The words made a lump come to Lily's throat as the words brought back the flash of a long-banished memory.

_"Lily, LILY!!" She stopped her mutterings of shame and looked back at him. He stroked he cheek soothingly, repressing the laughter_

_"Relax, it's alright, really"_

Maybe it was the memory of his face as he tried to be a gentleman and not laugh at her embarrassment, maybe it was to prove something to herself, that was stronger than before, that she didn't need him to reassure her any more. Either way, she straddled the broomstick and kicked off as hard as she could.

For her split second she thought she was going to faint, her heart seemed to stop and oxygen just didn't want to enter her lungs. Then the Silver Arrow moved slightly, blowing off course to the left, and without thinking, her hands automatically corrected the error. Her eyes opened and suddenly…she remembered why she'd joined the Quidditch team in third year, it wasn't for the glory or the popularity or even the actual game.

She loved to fly. From the feeling of the wind running it's invisible finger through her hair, to the exhilarating swoop-of-the-stomach as she dived from a thousand feet, she loved it all. The freedom of it was something that could only be felt here, floating between earth and sky, for once with no baggage and heartbreak to weigh her down.

* * *

Somewhere, a thousand miles away James Potter was thinking the same thing. The wind tangling his hair, the thrilling emptiness in his stomach, the frantic heartbeat in his chest; only when he was flying did he ever feel so ALIVE. The quaint stone cottages and neat vegetable gardens were far beneath him; any muggle admiring the perfectly clear sky would see only a faint speck, he would be an eagle or a buzzard, to their weak, unsuspecting eyes.

The hills rose and fell like the green coils of a giant sea monster and on the horizon, the Mediterranean Sea sparkled tantalizingly at him in the glorious sunshine. How had his mother ever left the south of France? Not even the majestic sloping ground of Hogwarts could compare to this wild, twisting landscape. He loved it; from the tiny villages nesting in the winding valleys, to the endless plains of vineyards and finally, the vast glittering blue water that seemed to hug the coastline, tender in it's embrace.

Only here, amongst the sprinkling of white fluffy clouds, above the country he loved so much, could James enjoy the sweet taste of freedom. Up here, only the birds could judge him, only the clouds could hurt him; his heart was safe, and, soaring and twisting around the hot thermals, even the name Lily Evans could only cause him the lightest of pangs.

The wedding planning seemed to be drawing on forever, and the hustle and bustle of frantic, emotional woman had finally driven him to seek sanctuary, in the blue sky where he truly felt at home. In all honesty James couldn't see the necessity of having matching seat covers and napkins, or the impossibility of seating his aunt Caroline at the same table as his uncle's second wife Diana. So what if the divorced couple were still at it behind the dumb blond's back. Nothing bored James more than family dynamics.

There were the odd perks though. He hadn't seen his cousin Sophia for two years, before she and Guillaume had even got engaged, so it was good to chat and catch up, and even better to see her face glowing with permanent happiness. She'd looked good at the dress rehearsal too, the couple made an attractive pair with their matching ebony head's and tanned skin. James smiled slightly and ruffled his own equally black hair; at least he fitted in here unlike his poor dad and English relations. Hah. Serve Jenny right.

Almost all the people here were typically Mediterranean in their looks. His mother's family were French and proud of it, but the Spanish and Italian blood of his great grandparents still ran strong in the new generations. What's more, the sleek black hair, the coal eyes and gold skin were omnipresent, as Guillaume father was Spanish, and had passed on his latino looks to both his son and his daughter. Ahhh…and what a daughter.

James eyes lit up with wicked amusement and his tongue escaped to wet his lips before he could control it. Alicia was a seriously hot little thing, only fifteen, but as skilful and definitely practised as a woman twice her age. What the little minx got up to when her brother was out with Sophy, god only knew. If he didn't refuse to watch in shame.

They got on well, both physically attractive to the other and both far from being novices, and shagging her in the honey-moon sweat had been certainly memorable. Her one problem; possessiveness. The girl was fiercely jealous of anything or anyone whom she deemed as "her property", and in her eyes, the deliciously handsome, charming cousin of the bride-to-be was definitely in that category.

James sighed and pushed his black locks out of his eyes; that was the problem with birds, however slutty they were to begin with, there seemed to be just something about him that made them suddenly start demanding exclusive rights. Whatever it was, it was a bloody nuisance; Sirius never had this problem.

It was partially to escape Alicia's ever-present grip on either his right arm or his dick, that he had grabbed his broom and made his escape for the day, much to his Dad's intense irritation. James grinned; the jealousy in the hazel eyes they both shared was barely veiled and his indignation at being left to suffer the constant fussing of thirty very busy, very broody females, had been quite frankly, hilarious.

Unfortunately the tables had been turned when his evil cousin Jenny had slyly suggested that Alicia might fancy learning to ride a broomstick, smiling innocently when James father had asked her to repeat her barely audible comment of, "though I'd wager she hasn't got much left to learn." Then out loud

"What do you think James?"

Her eyes had met James', innocently questioning and the urge to burst out laughing had almost overcame him. Struggling to force the glare back onto his face he informed all present that his Nimbus 500 was a racing broom, fast as lightning but not built to carry two people. Ignoring Alicia's highly disappointed face, he turned to leave, whispering menacingly in Jenny's ear that unless she wanted to see her precious Cleansweep 4, burned into a crisp, she'd better not even think about offering him the loan of it. Her eyes sparkled at him mischievously but she stayed quiet, and he was allowed to fly off without further protest.

His own hazel orbs were burning furiously again, but not he admitted grudgingly to himself, about Jenny's mickey taking. He owed her that in all honesty; regardless of the not-so-friendly terms they were on, she'd kept her promise.

No, what had angered him was the fact that something had bothered him that he shouldn't have let bother him. Even now, just thinking about taking Alicia for a fly, made him grit his teeth, in a snarl, and then berate himself silently for allowing a stupid, pathetic memory to get to him like that. It wasn't Alicia's fault that she'd wanted to come, it wasn't that big a deal for Merlin's sake, just like it wasn't her fault that he couldn't forget the past. He rolled his eyes to the heavens, mocking himself with a bitter smile. How could she know that only one girl had ever been invited to fly with him, and that only one girl would ever have that right again. It wasn't fair to want to murder Alicia simply because her name wasn't Lily Evans.

* * *

_Flashback_

_"Just…a bit…further… " James' voice was inaudible through his teeth clenched tightly in utter concentration, and the wind that was howling in his ears as he pushed his speed to past 160. He could see it, just ahead, his entire mind focused entirely on the golden hoops that floated teasingly in front of him, so close and yet so far, coincidently like the snitch that Jenny's fingers were brushing as she reached out to grasp it. _

_"Three…two…one", he muttered to himself, and with a final burst of adrenalin, the red quaffle soared through the goalpost as Hooch's whistle sounded proclaiming Gryffindor the winners. _

_The crowd erupted with screams and cheers and girls chanting 'James, James, James' over and over, as his team-mates soared over to him, every face shifting from stunned to ecstatic as their brains finally registered the mid-boggling scoreboard. 280-0: James Potter had begun his career as the youngest Gryffindor Quidditch Captain of the century, by trouncing the Slytherin team, utterly and humiliatingly. The last breathtaking goal had made sure that his name would be on everybody's lips for the next six months._

_James could only grin stupidly in pride and relief. The whole team beamed back, Jenny high-fived him and even Sirius honoured the occasion with a leisurely smile of satisfaction. James winked and said to his team_

_"We only gave them half an hour, the poor things. How about we spoil them with some REAL flying." The other players grinned back, and followed one by one, as James initiated the Victory Lap. James had been saving this display for when they would win the cup at the end of the year, but right now, after winning his first match as Captain 280 to zero, the moment couldn't be more perfect. _

_The team soared in perfect arrowhead formation, before executing at precisely the same instant, a breathtaking loop the loop, followed by a synchronised corkscrew turn. The screams became deafening as the seven players lapped the pitch , stopping one after the other until they were separated by precisely one seventh of the circumference. Then as one, they dived towards the grass at the very centre of the pitch before shooting upwards together, in a vertical ascent and finally exploding away from each other. _

_At precisely that moment, jets of light were shot from the Gryffindor end of the crowd and suddenly gigantic bursts of red and gold fireworks erupted, raining down on the victorious team. They laughed with amazement, dancing in the harmless sparks and cheering their captain. More and more came until finally the last jet exploded and a great dazzling gold lion roared, louder than even the screaming spectators, pawing the air and throwing back its sparkling red mane. _

_James was already gone, soaring towards the stand where the impressive display had come from, eyes searching wildly for the flash of copper that could only be hers._

_Sure enough, her wand was out, along with Remus' and Emily's. Peter and Alice were next to them, jumping up and down, their voices hoarse with cheering, but at that moment, James had eyes for only one person._

* * *

_Her own emerald eyes were sparkling with mischievous excitement, her titan curls were waving wildly in the wind and her lips were parted as she gasped for breath from laughing and cheering so hard. As he stared at her, she looked down and her cheeks flushed adorably, until she shyly raised her head and met his gaze with the softest, smile trembling on her lips. Somewhere in his chest, something tugged and his breath caught as yet again he felt that inexplicable need to have her with him, on him, in his arms._

_He zoomed towards her and smirked as her eyes widened in surprise and uncertainty. Stopping in front of her, he gave her a sweeping bow from his broomstick and his eyes sparkled with irrepressible laughter_

_"A kiss for your victorious Knight milady?" James felt his smirk widen as her cheeks blushed an even darker pink, and she bit her lip with embarrassment as she stepped up onto the seat to reach him. It was all he needed; in a split second, he'd grabbed her arm and pulled her onto the back of the broom, laughing wickedly as she gasped and clung to him for dear life. _

_There was a pause in the noise as Hogwarts stared in amazement as James Potter, player extraordinaire, both Quidditch and otherwise, shared his arguably favourite part of the match, his victory lap, with a girl. Every member of the female population watched in stunned horror this unprecedented mark of affection for his present girlfriend. But then James soared back to the stands, waving and slapping hands with every person in the front row. The screams erupted once more as the school idol, played to his audience and gave them the attention they wanted. Only when their cheers had returned to top volume did he stop, smirking with self-satisfaction._

_He looked back and her elflike features were struggling with both anger and laughter. He winked and smirked as her eyes grew wary and she stared to protest_

_"James, don't you dar…." The dive was vertical and she shrieked as he plummeted towards the grass below. James crowed inwardly as her small hands gripped frantically at his Quidditch robes, worming their way underneath to hold tightly onto the black t-shirt beneath. Her whole upper body was suddenly pressed against his and her hands so close to his skin seemed to send his pulse into overdrive. He frowned slightly trying to concentrate on pulling smoothly out of the dive rather than on the fact that his difficulty breathing had nothing to do with the approaching ground. Thank God he was the one in front._

_The crowd still screamed as he soared back to the skies to his team and he smiled as Lily congratulated her friends on their spectacular performance. She was deliberately avoiding any mention of him, James realised with a smirk.. She wouldn't let go of her pride enough to tell him how wonderful he was in front of everybody, because he was different, he thought with satisfaction. _

_She'd already hugged Jenny and was now going through every fantastic hit Sirius had made during the game. James eyebrow rose mockingly at his brother who was trying desperately to hide not only his pleased smile but even, James thought wickedly, the hint of pink on his lean cheeks. _

_As soon as Lily turned her attention to Jamie, Gryffindor's keeper, Sirius sent him a ferocious scowl and James couldn't resist, tapping his own cheek with a pointed look of amusement. Sirius' death glare was almost living up to it's name now, and, partly because of the way Sirius was swinging his beaters bat rather menacingly, James decided to quit while he was ahead. _

_A nod towards the ground, a final wave and the team soared to the changing rooms, amidst the screams of 'I love you James' and 'Potter for President' and of course 'Go Gryffindor'. James' high was complete, he'd done it, he'd not only won, he'd trounced the other team, they were Slytherins to boot, they'd had victory fireworks and his deliciously tempting girlfriend was tracing small but highly distracting circles over his chest. Damn life was good._

* * *

_The other team members flew straight in through the open door, and James smirked at the rather dangerous stunt he'd made famous in third year. Navigating around the cramped corridors to the Gryffindor changing rooms was not easy, but he'd always been a daredevil._

_James pulled his Nimbus to a smooth halt just outside the door and at once Lily slid off and stepped away, obviously expecting him to fly straight on. The slight surprised smile on her face as he dismounted gracefully and stepped towards her, was worth breaking his own rule for he thought vaguely, ignoring the voice at the back of his mind yelling at him to be careful._

_James ignored it. Perhaps he hadn't gone this far, ever, for a chick before, but than he couldn't remember ever wanting one more either. Her pretty face was glowing with excitement and her breathing was slightly erratic. She let out a peal of irrepressible laughter and James felt his own lips twitch in response. They weren't the only thing he realised ruefully. _

_Looking so deliciously hot and bothered should definitely be illegal, James thought to himself, stepping closer and again closer without even noticing. Her lips parted, with either nervousness or anticipation. Maybe both. His groan was barely suppressed as her pink, pointed tongue slipped out and wetted them._

_His voice was understandably husky when he spoke, trying desperately to force some light amusement into his question_

_"No congratulations, Evans?" The emerald eyes sparkled with mischief and she indicated with her glorious burnished hair the adjacent Quidditch Stadium from which the howls and cheers could still be heard._

_"Not enough congratulating for you, Captain?" His breath caught in his throat at the irrepressible feelings and images brought on by her calling him Captain with those softly smiling lips. Why couldn't he take his eyes off them?_

_"Nah" he breathed, his eyes never leaving her mouth, "I was thinking of something a little less…verbal." Again with that adorable blush, contrasting delightfully with the coy smile hovering on her lips. Those pink, soft lips that screamed "Kiss Me"._

_"Hmmm, I don't kno…" her words were cut off as he crushed her mouth under his, digging his right hand into her curls and pulling her waist into him with his left. She moaned into his mouth and he could feel her knees giving way as she clung to him with a desperation to match his. _

_He pushed her back, further and further until she was pinned between his body and the grey stone wall of the outside of the changing room. Her small hands were in his hair and he didn't know when they'd got there and didn't particularly care. Only when his name was moaned from between her otherwise occupied lips did he somehow find the barest minimum of control._

_He looked down at her, and immediately regretted it; if she'd looked unbearably tempting before, it was nothing to what she was making him feel now, with her hair mussed and her lips swollen from snogging. Her green eyes looked back at him, shocked his passion and even more so at her own answering desire. She was still so innocent, he cursed himself inwardly. He could see it in her expression that she'd never kissed or been kissed like that before, not even close. Though that may be because no one's wanted to shag her so badly. James' thought was ruefully honest, even slightly ashamed. _

_"Not yet!" his mind screamed at him. "I don't want this to end yet!"_

_The effort it took to pull away from her was unbelievable; his whole body was shaking with the almost painful need to throw her against that wall and fuck her until sunset. But he didn't, he couldn't. Not if he wanted this game to continue. _

_She was looking worried, hurt even, and immediately he had to reassure her._

_"Sorry Lils, but there's only so much a cold shower can do. If we continue you'll have to throw me into the lake, and wet is not a good look for my after party." He smiled as her eyes frowned before widening with comprehension and her cheeks once again turned that tempting rose. He touched the hot skin with his thumb and felt her tremble at the contact. He smirked and she glared at his obvious enjoyment of the effect he was having on her. For some reason it was vitally important that she want him as much as he wanted her, even though she obviously had little experience with this degree of...need._

_Her dark lashes fluttered as his fingers slowly moved down her neck and her eyes closed despite her annoyance. He smirked again but desisted; as enjoyable as it was to turn her on, his own self-control would be fighting a losing battle if he didn't cool himself off, and quickly at that; even his Quiddtich robes were having trouble hiding the train of his thoughts now._

_He pulled away again. Her eyes snapped open in dismay and despite his good intentions, he couldn't mask his deep chuckle. She pouted in embarrassment and lifted her chin in adorable defiance, but he ignored her obvious challenge, saying with an affection that surprised himself_

_"I'll see you at the After party, yeah? Save me a butterbear?" She smiled softly back and nodded. She turned to leave when he startled himself and her by placing a quick, affectionate kiss on the top of her now tangled curls. He groaned inwardly. God she smelled good, the light spicy perfume made his mouth water. _

_A final smile and he determindly turned his back on her and made his way through the long corridors to the changing rooms, a rather large grin spreading all over his very handsome face._

* * *

_Ahhhh…bliss. The water trickled down his tense muscles, soothing them and calming the heat that still stubbornly lingered in his groin. He'd been under the shower for ten minutes now, and the rest of the Gryffindor team had left with knowing smiles on their faces as he'd rushed into the guy's shower room as if Hagrid's pet dog Fluffy was after him. Stupid perverted idiots. He growled to himself. They didn't seriously think Lily would let him take her up against the wall, did they? Prats. All they'd done was exchange saliva, he sneered, and most of the members of his team were definitely used to doing way more than that. Bloody hypocrites. Lily was ten times purer than they would ever be. He's hex any of them if they set false rumours around. _

_James frowned, suddenly bothered by his rather exaggerated reaction. Why should he care if his going out with her got a few rumours going. She knew full well his reputation, had known it for years and it obviously hadn't bothered her. She was firey and smart, not one of those hopeless romantics who thought that going out for a month meant marriage and babies and forevers. _

_He's kissed her head too; definitely not a Prongs-like thing to do, he thought, biting his lip in confusion at his own unexpected action. A second later though, he was already justifying his sudden soppiness; she wouldn't sleep with a guy she didn't like, or with a guy she wasn't one hundred percent sure liked her as well. It was necessary, girls loved that kind of crap and he wanted her to love him, at least...like enough to shag him right? That was the point, why he'd spent the whole summer trying to make up for the fateful argument about snivelus at the end of last year. Not to get her to REALLY like him, just…want him…kinda. Fuck, why was this so difficult?!_

_James turned around and banged his head against the wall of the shower room. No, dammit no!! This was not what he thought it was!! No!!! He was not getting feelings for this chick, that wasn't him, he didn't do stuff like that. He was James, James Potter, golden boy and sex-god extraordinaire!! Never getting tied down, never serious, never…_

_His name echoed of the stone walls, muffled by the pulsing of the now warm water, but unmistakable. He closed his eyes; this was not what he needed right now, not while he was having serious problems getting his head straight, but he couldn't just ignore her. _

_He turned, his face carefully expressionless and at that precise moment she walked through the open door. _

_Her mouth had opened in a silent 'O' and her eyes had widened as she took in the sight of his very wet, very naked body. He had to laugh; her stricken expression was undeniably cute, she hadn't even realised she'd been staring for the past two minutes. James felt not the slightest embarrassment under her stunned gaze. His body was the best in the school, his summer job had been as an underwear model for Calvin Klein; what girl wouldn't stare, he smirked to himself. _

_The smirk widened as he realised her eyes had been fixed on one particular place for the past twenty seconds, and the urge to laugh was almost too much. She'd probably never even seen one before, and definitely not one quite that imposing. His eyes followed her stricken gaze with a slightly smug smirk, before looking back at her._

_Lily suddenly met his mocking eyes and flushed to the roots of her hair. She quickly adverted her own and turned to run, saying shakily_

_"Oh God, I'm sorry James…erm…I'll go…now…sorry!" She was almost crying he realised with a shock. His jaw fell open and suddenly he was panicking, he couldn't let her cry. Without thinking he ran towards her and grabbed her arm, preventing her from escaping. She snuck a glace at his face and looked away again to hide the tears. The humiliation in her eyes was unbearable; he did the only thing he could think of._

_Not even caring that he was still completely naked, he folded her in a fierce hug, pressing her to him and kissing her again and again on her copper curls. Placing his hands on her cheeks he forced her to look up, look him in the eye as he gently wiped away the escaping tears._

_Her expression was agonised and her voice broke as she spoke haltingly but earnestly, begging him to understand_

_"I'm so sorry James, I didn't think…oh god…I am such a PERVET!" Her horrified expression was so ridiculous, so pathetically adorable, so LILY, that he couldn't help but laugh._

_"Lily, LILY!! » She stopped her mutterings of shame and looked back at him. He stroked he cheek soothingly, repressing the laughter_

_"Relax, it's alright, really" The pitiful hope in her eyes made him chuckle again and he continued_

_"I really don't care that you've seen me naked. I'm not exactly shy" he smirked at her and she gave a weak chuckle_

_"What's more you're my girlfriend, so lets just say better you than Minnie or Hooch coming to lock the changing rooms" She had to laugh, and he smiled as she relaxed in his arms._

_She wasn't crying any more, the frown lines were smoothed out and her eyes were smiling. With a start, James suddenly realised how beautiful she looked, how close she was and how the only clothes separating them were hers. The heat was back in full force, accelerating his heartbeat and his breathing, and he looked away so she wouldn't see the fire in his eyes. _

_Her expression turned to concern, sensing his sudden tension, and gently touched his cheek with questioning fingertips. Involuntarily, he shivered; her skin on his was unbelievably difficult to ignore, but she thought it was for another reason._

_"Oh Merlin, James you must be freezing, you prat!" She looked around the room searching for a towel but it was bare. James had been alone when he'd made his way to the shower room; the towel had seemed stupidly prudish. _

_"Warm me up!" His eyes twinkled impishly, waiting for her face of outrage or embarrassment, but when she looked at him her eyes were…. _

_"Lily, I was…" she cut him off with warm lips, and all thoughts of teasing went out the window. Her arms were round his neck, fingers entangled in his wet hair and her whole body was pressed up against him in a way that made him groan into her mouth. He felt her smile as she pressed closer and closed before suddenly…._

_James gasped as the water covered him from head to toe and broke off the kiss, staring at her cheeky grin in astonishment. Did she just…? The grin widened as if in answer and his eyes lit up at the obvious challenge, he smartly turned her around, so that once again she was trapped between him and the wall, the water pouring over both of their bodies. _

_James' smile faded as he watched the water drench the crisp white shirt, that separated them, his mouth suddenly dry as the red bra underneath slowly became more and more visible. The thin white cotton became totally transparent as it moulded itself to curves he could see properly for the first time.; curves he'd only dreamed about, night after night. _

_Finally he could take it no longer and he fastened his mouth to hers, as his hands made their way tantalisingly slowly from her hips to her waist and upwards. Again she smiled against his lips and he felt her small fingers brush his chest shyly. He moaned for her to continue and the fingers grew more daring, tracing the glorious planes and outlining each muscle, with a slowness that drove him wild._

_His own fingers were under her shirt now and he wasn't even sure how they'd got there, but they sure as hell weren't high enough up yet. Undoing the buttons proved difficult for the first time in his life; his hands had never trembled like this when he touched any other girl. He knew this uniform minutely and could remove it entirely in under 10 seconds; it was one of many skills he'd learned over the years. Now he bit her neck in frustration as his fingers fumbled on the plastic circles and she groaned an he sucked on her pulse point, fingers working furiously all the time. Five…six …seven. There! _

_The shirt peeled away under his fingers and he grinned slightly; the next bit was a piece of cake. James was an expert with bra clasps._

_The offending article was removed and he pulled back to stare at her. Again she blushed and smiled a small shy smile at him and he couldn't help it, he had to touch her. _

_He attacked her neck once more, planting tiny kisses from behind her ear down to her collar bone, smirking as she whimpered. His lips moved lower and she gasped as his expert hands and lips left her skin tingling. His name flew out from her parted lips and he moved to crush them under his own, hands taking over from where his lips had left off. Her whimpers were driving him mad, and yet he wanted, needed to continue, because for some strange reason, giving her pleasure, being the one to make her experience this for the first time, it was better than anything he'd ever felt. So what if his second brain was screaming at him to cut the crap and shag her already? His own need was at a point it was nearly painful, but making her moan in ecstasy, giving her everything she could ever want or even dream of from a man, it just seemed so much more important. Besides he didn't want to lose her yet._

_James eyes flashed open and he wrenched his mouth away from hers and tried desperately to control his breathing. She was looking puzzled, worrying if she done something wrong, and the ache to reassure her was overwhelming. But if he let himself get close to her again, he'd never stop. His voice rasped, still rough with wanting her as he spoke_

_"I won't…I won't be able to stop if we go any further Lily. I don't want to make you do something you'll regret later." He couldn't exactly lie and say he didn't want to shag her senseless; in his very naked state there was no hiding just how much he was yearning for her, just how much in was costing him to not take her up against the wall, right there and then. James wasn't used to having to deny himself his body's desires. If he wanted a shag, there were at least fifty girls who'd take him up on his offer no questions asked. Half of them would probably even pay HIM to do so._

_"James, I…" she took a deep breath and her cheeks turned that delicious shade of pink again. By God she wasn't making this easy for him. She was going to say it. _

_"I'm not asking you to stop…." she half-laughed in embarrassment, and he closed his eyes fighting for control_

_"In fact… I'm begging you not to." Her eyes bored into his and he knew just how much courage she'd needed to say those words. She bit her lower lip as she waited for his answer, her hands trembling as she laid her heart on the floor for him to pick up. And he wanted to, Merlin he'd never wanted anything in this world more than he wanted this spunky, blushing, incredibly sexy girl in front of him. But he couldn't. He had to get a grip and fast, or else it would all be over tomorrow morning, and he couldn't face that. Not yet. Maybe not ever._

_He shook his head, and her eyes filled with tears of hurt, she looked down , grabbed her soaked shirt and bra and moved to slip out of the room, but he couldn't stop himself grabbing her arms._

_"Lily, look at me, please." It took her a moment, but she finally lifter her chin in that defiant manned that was so HER, and met his gaze squarely, determindly ignoring the tears creeping down her cheeks_

_"Lily I want to! Merlin Lily, look down and you'll see JUST how much I want you," she blushed and opened her mouth but he continued_

_"But I don't want our first time to be in the boy's locker room, I don't want YOUR first time to be on a hard stone floor that'll give you back ache tomorrow morning." her lip trembled and a sob caught in her throat but she nodded, and seeing that, James let her go._

_A moment later he realised he'd been wrong to do so, but she was already gone, running out the room and out of the building as fast as her slim legs could carry her. _

_"Argh!!! James slammed his fist into the wall. After all that, he'd still managed to hurt her. She'd offered him her first time dammit and he'd thrown it aside like a stuffed toy. It didn't matter if he'd been right to do so, didn't matter that he shouldn't be giving a damn about her or her feelings. All that mattered was that she was hurting, he'd made her hurt and he had to fix it._

_Frustration and worry giving him wings, he was dried, dressed and running towards the castle in under ten very short minutes._

* * *

_The party was in full swing as he burst through the portrait hole and every head seemed to turn before he was smothered by about fifty people all hugging him at once. Breathing was-oof…difficult and it took some time to extract himself from the grip of the twenty or so girls that had accidentally attached themselves to various bits of his body. Finally he managed to meet Sirius's languid gaze and send a pleading look for help. Sirius smirked but elbowed his way towards his best friend, escorting him rapidly to the bottom of the girl's staircase._

_"She's up in the dorm." James smiled slightly. Of course Sirius would have noticed her coming in, just as he would have noticed the tears and wet clothing. Lily was his angel, and the tiny bit of guilt that James did his best to smother most of the time, flared suddenly into life. He nodded, not meeting his friend's eye and replied_

_"I need a distraction Pads." Sirius nodded and to his friends complete astonishment, proceeded to climb up on one of the tables and dance to the song that was playing in a particularly raunchy manner. In an instant, every eye in the room was fixed upon him, and he smirked, knowing that James would see it, as the Gryffindor girls fought tooth and nail to get closer to his table. He watched James twist a particular baluster of the girl' staircase and unobserved by all, ran quickly up the stairs without difficulty. He and the Marauders had figured that trick out in third year, round about the time they discovered that girls didn't actually have cooties. Looking down from the girls landing, he mouthed a quick "Thanks" to his best friend who was now unbuttoning his shirt. Sirius' eyes gleamed as he mouthed back_

_"You owe me big, Prongs"_

* * *

_The room was dark as he pushed the door gently open, but he could hear the muffled sobs coming from the four poster bed on the left. The hangings were open, she was sobbing so hard into her pillow that she hadn't even noticed him come in. The sounds of her pain made James' chest physically ache and he was across the room, caring only about stopping her tears. As he neared the bed she looked up in shock. His eyes grew equally wide; she'd changed into her pyjamas and if he'd had any self restraint left at all, it would have gone now as he stared open mouthed at the flimsy strappy top and tiny pair of matching shorts she was wearing._

_"James! How did you..." she was cut off once again and, without removing his mouths from hers, he lowered them both onto the scarlet duvet. A minute later, the curtains were tightly shut, the silenco and contraceptive charms performed and what was started in the boy's locker room, was promptly resumed._

* * *

_In the early hours of the morning, James pressed his lips his girlfriend's forehead, silently thanking her for giving him the best memory, the best night he would ever have. Screw the consequences, screw his reputation; he'd figure the rest out in the morning. The only thing worth knowing was what he'd realised an hour ago; he loved her. _

_End of Flashback_

* * *

James closed his eyes and screamed to the heavens, a loud harsh sound of frustration and longing and hatred as he realised that since that night, even now, nine months later,nothing had really changed. There was still only one thing in the whole world worth knowing.

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**Well, you like, you like??? This flashback is probably one of my favourite bits of the entire story, so do tell me if I managed to do it justice. Oh and also tell me if you think the first bit of the chapter was rushed and needs to be redone, because I'm worried I gave most of my love and attention to James in this Chapter rather than Lily. See what you think aaaaaaaaaaand**

**Read and Review!!!!!!!!!!!!!! J**

**PS: My deal about reviews still stands, if you missed it check out the note at the top of chapter 5. Luv ya!!!!**


	7. Chapter 7

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First of all, I would like to dedicate this chapter to the girl who pushed me to hurry up and get this chapter finished; my not so little sister Nic Nac who recently started reading this story and who has become my "conscience" if you like in regards to updating. In any case me luv her lots n lots n lots, BUT no Nic Nac, you will NOT be getting my room!!!!!

To all my readers I would first of all like to sincerely apologise for the lateness of this post. I started university a week ago, and it has been completely hectic, mayhem and every other word you can think of, which explains the lateness and the slightly shorter chapter. I won't bla bla too long, so please, read and hopefully enjoy.

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All Over Again: Chapter 7

"Concentrate Lily! Come on!" The small white feather trembled, struggling against invisible bonds, but instead of rising any further off the ground, it floated silently back to the tiled floor from its rather pathetic ten centimetre height.

Two pairs of eyes watched it fall, the one black and faintly impatient, the other dull green and woefully defeatist. The silence stretched uncomfortably until Moniqua spoke in a brisk business tone.

"Again. Concentrate and DIG! You're not going deep enough Lily, you're still avoiding, skirting around this wall you've put up. You have to face this, head on and with determination: confidence Lily, you must KNOW you can do this! If not…"

"If not then I bloody won't be able to do it! I get it! I KNOW!!!" The yell broke halfway through and Lily sank to the cold stone floor, her face in hands that were trying desperately to push back the tears that were seeping out of her tired eyes.

In all the seven weeks she'd been training with Moniqua Monroe, nothing had ever been so impossible, so frightfully painful as this challenge. Her training all but complete, this last lesson had had Lily screaming in frustration for days, and after all her efforts, her wandless managed still limited itself to levitating a goose feather five inches from the ground.

For Lily it was beyond frustrating; from childhood, she had been raised in the firm belief that hard work and effort would always produce results. Lily was not a genius, on the contrary, she pitied people to whom things simply came naturally because they invariably became lazy and even arrogant with their god-given good fortune. Her consistent Outstandings were earned through long hours of dull, torturous study and many sleepless nights; she had begun revising three months before the OWL's and had already mapped out her revision timetable for the NEWT's. It was therefore understandable that after thirteen days of practise, the lack of any visible progress was pissing Lily off.

Moniqua sighed, it WAS difficult, horribly so, and for Lily to have reached even the level she was already at, was an impressive accomplishment. But it was light-years away from what the redhead was capable of. A witch of Lily's talent should have progressed far beyond her current level in the past two weeks, she should be excelling as in every other subject of the Auror training Course. That she was not doing so was…incomprehensible to Moniqua.

Wandless magic was one of the most difficult forms in the wizarding world, and yet it was a talent every witch and wizard had as a child. The potential was present in everyone; the difficulty was bringing that talent back to the surface.

In a child, the first signs of magical ability were uncontrolled magical 'spurts', quick burst of power triggered by high emotional stress or tension, and in ninety-nine point nine percent of cases, wandless. Only through time and schooling, did this ability become locked away, as the first thing a child was taught when attending school was how to control their magic. In the battle for control, the skill of producing magic without a wand was almost always forgotten and locked away until the ability itself became lost.

The struggle to knock down that inner barrier was one only attempted by highly talented and advanced members of the Ministry. To unleash ones full power, abandoning all control and restraint was incredibly dangerous, often resulting in nasty accidents and even, on occasion, death. Lily was extremely young to be attempting such a feat and yet Moniqua was sure she had the ability and mental strength needed.

She obviously had found the source, the pool of magical power present in any witch or wizard with magical ability; the levitating of the feather, however weak and pitiful the attempt, showed quite clearly that she had found that pool. What she was lacking was the trigger.

From past experience, Moniqua knew full well that finding the source of ones magical power was the easiest part of the lesson. The step that was impossible to most, was the controlled unlocking of that door. The witch or wizard had to somehow open themselves up to and embrace the whole of their consciousness, blanking out worries or fears and especially emotions, clearing their mind in a technique almost identical to that of Occumency or mind-blocking. For this, complete acceptance of ones self was necessary.

In one word, confidence. It always came back to that, Moniqua thought to herself in frustration. Lily was blocking it, refusing to open the door, always interrupted by some memory or emotion that brought a look of terror and agony to her face before the magic was released, flung away from her in fear. Every time the same thing too, if the expression on the young girls face was anything to go by. She would get so far before suddenly her strange nemesis would flash before her green eyes and break both her and the magic she was trying to draw out of herself. In the past few lessons, Moniqua had thought she was beginning to confront this strange fear, but no. All Lily was doing was brushing the edges of her magic, commanding only the weakest of spells, trying desperately to avoid whatever memory came back to her whenever she dug too deep. In short, she was being cowardly and Moniqua had had enough.

She shook her head and the thick ebony locks rippled like a shadow on water. The movement seemed to bring the girl in front of her to her senses. She looked up with eyes that glistened with unshed tears, silently apologising for the cowardice her mentor had so plainly recognised.

Moniqua's face was sad but otherwise expressionless. Her musical voice was soft but clear as she told her pupil to get up and retrieve her wand. Lily silently obeyed.

"Sit." That was all. Lily looked at the auror in confusion, but she sat.

"I will return in half an hour. I want you to use that time to meditate on whatever it is you are so strongly avoiding thinking about. As long as you keep running from this thing, any work we do in regards to wandless magic is pointless. Reflect on this." Another nod and she was gone, apparating with a swish of black cotton robes and a wave of her wand, ebony as her hair.

* * *

Lily was left alone, cross-legged on the stone floor and her burnished head dropped to between her small hands in a gesture of defeat. Why? Why dammit?!! Why was he doing this to her?! Even during her holidays, her one time of peace from her nemesis, did he STILL manage to haunt her day and night. However many times she tried to calm her mind and embrace her past, the pain would always come rushing in like an overwhelming flood after the opening of a damn. She just couldn't deal with it, the pain, the hurt and worst of all the hateful longing she felt in her entire body as soon as she tried to plunge into the depths of her unconsciousness. Every time, his mocking, infuriatingly gorgeous face would swim before her eyes and the words, those crushing blows, they would just pull her under, drowning her in the agony of the past.

She was weak, so damn weak. Moniqua's contempt would be barely veiled. She would realize how pitiful and worthless her pupil really was and everything Lily had strived for in the last few months would be for nothing. Overcome with despair, Lily waited in silence on the cruel cold floor, for the swish of black robes that would announce Moniqua's return and the end of Lily's dreams.

* * *

"Up." Lily spun round in shock, reaching automatically for her wand as the soft, musical voice cut through the silence like a knife through butter. Moniqua was standing just inside the open door, her arms folded and a heavy looking, dusty oak chest a her feet. Lily scrambled to her feet, brushing the dust of her dark jeans and black sweater, eyes questioning a she wondered why her mentor had obviously chosen to arrive outside and enter via the door rather than simply apparateing into the training room. Though now she came think to of it, the racing of her heart and slight shaking of her hands her were probably reason enough. Moniqua always reminded Lily to be on her guard and sure enough, her mentor's silent arrival had completely disconcerted her.

As ever, her embarrassment triggered the tell-tale flush on her cheeks but Moniqua made no comment, instead simply indicting that Lily should move to the centre of the room. Without question, Lily obeyed, frowning warily as Moniqua waved a wand and levitated the dusty chest towards her and placed it about three meters away form the redhead. Lily had taken a hasty step back as the chest voiced it's heavy disapproval of the movement by a vigorous shake, causing cobwebs and a small spider to fall unceremoniously to the floor. Lily didn't watch it scuttle away; her green eyes were fixed on the trunk that was continuing to rock and shake as the creature inside stirred menacingly. She turned her nervous gaze to her teacher.

"In this chest is a Bogart. I will not insult your intelligence by demanding or giving a definition of its form and nature. Instead, I want you to think carefully about what this boggart will transform into once I open the chest. If you will not confront your fears yourself then I'm afraid that I must and will force you to do so. I cannot allow this thing to hold back our training any longer."

By the end of her speech, Moniqua's eyes and voice had softened slightly, regretting the necessity of pushing her student to so far. But this phobia needed to be recognised; only then could t be cured. And facing a boggart was the most drastic but fastest way of revealing a witch or wizards deepest and darkest fears.

For a moment she wondered whether Lily would refuse; there was terror in her eyes now, as she realised exactly what was about to take place. The girl looked so incredibly fragile, in was heartbreaking, but no, she needed to face this. She had the ability and the famous Gryffindor courage; in short, she had all and more that was required.

As if in answer to her mentor's thoughts Lily turned back to the chest, her wand in hand and her eyes burning with determination. She squared her shoulders and gracefully leant back, one foot forward into a flawless, classic duelling position.

With a nod, Moniqua waved her wand and the chest sprang open with sharp bang and a dark, formless shape burst out of the oak case, before seemingly turning towards Lily and disappearing with a loud pop.

Moniqua wasn't really sure what she had been expecting. Her parents lying dead perhaps, a gruesome memory from the past, or even the tall dark silhouettes of the terrifying death eaters who supported Voldemort and did his bidding. But nothing could have prepared her for the form in front of her. For once, her calm, composed features seemed to freeze into an expression of pure shock. It was an expression that coincidently was mirrored on the small face of the red head standing with shaking hands in front of her worst nightmare.

* * *

He was taller than she remembered, Lily registered through her silent scream, broader too and so, so much more beautiful. Even the ugly sneer that curled those flawless lips couldn't lessen the perfection of that dark brooding face. James' hazel eyes were lit with that startling fire that strangely enough darkened rather than lightened them. Their cruel almost sadistic intensity brought out the familiar sweat over Lily's skin and her knees threatened to buckle as he moved with catlike grace towards her. Unable to tear her eyes away she could only watch with tear-filled eyes as his hand reached to brush a lock of hair behind her ear as he lent in close enough for his icy breath to touch her cheek.

"Poor pathetic little Lily, falling for the oldest trick in the book." He laughed low and mocking. "You thought you were special didn't you, you actually thought you were different, that maybe I gave toss about you." She lowered her green eyes, as the tears rolled down her white face. She could hear the vibration of his chest as he chuckled once more, and as she squeezed her eyes tight against the pain, the sneer that haunted her nightmares still mocked her from beneath her closed lids. His hands were moving now, brushing down the soft skin of her neck, and part of her screamed in warning as they closed lovingly over her jugular.

"It was so pathetically easy Lily and you know what, when it came down to it, you weren't even worth the effort." The words made her gasp and sink to her knees, not even caring as he prepared to tighten his grip. She couldn't face the truth, the agony of knowing just how far she had fallen, how pathetic she had been to fall for it, how pitiful she was to love him still. Her lids closed in resignation and a soft half smile touched her lips as, unbidden, a sweat memory came to wish her goodbye.

* * *

_Flashback_

_"__Hey." Lily turned, a smile already on her lips. Only three months ago, it would have been a look of disgust. Strange to think that now, she would recognise his deep, seductive tones anywhere. His eyes were laughing at her, sparkling with childish pride at having found her, a cocky grin hovering on his lips. She smiled back questioningly. How had he known she'd be by the lake, under the same tree of their last, heated argument? But then, he always seemed to know_

_He sat down gracefully beside her leaning back against the bark with his large hands clasped behind his very handsome head, lids hiding those breathtaking hazel eyes. Lily swore under her breath. This seemed to be happening a lot lately, the side glances at his profile, the outright staring at the back of his shaggy head, the annoying itch to reach out and touch his lean cheek that seemed impossibly smooth. _

_Without warning, he opened his eyes and looked straight into hers, his cocky grin and the sly glint in the hazel orbs showing he'd been well aware of her staring. She flushed and turned her head with such force, that the red curls swished round and slapped her in the face. She shoved them back angrily and determinedly glared at her knees until his low laugh caused her to peep through her thick hair to look at his face._

_"All right, Evans?"_

_His eyes were glowing, mocking certainly but gentle rather than malicious. He then looked smoothly away and changed the subject with a gentlemanly tact that surprised her. _

_"I'm guessing you're out here because it's his birthday." She looked away and his eyes widened slightly in worry that he'd upset her. "I mean, after what you told me in the kitchens, I just gathered…He's a friend of the family, he was I mean. He worked with my parents and well, the Potters and the McKinnon have known each other for centuries. That's how I know. If you want me to go, I can…" He was rambling, and Lily smiled slightly as she touched his arm with her small hand to prevent him from rising._

_He looked at her intently, devouring her eyes in his search for tears or pain. Seemingly reassured by what he saw, James relaxed at settled back against the tree, still holding her gaze. _

_Her smile was sad but sweet, before turning and looking out over the vast stretch of blue water, fringed in the distance with the beginnings of the dark forest. Thoughts and memories of Harry McKinnon filled her head and she found in surprise that tears were rolling down her cheeks as she thought of his soft, infinitely kind smile as he listened to her fourteen year old self ramble on and on about tailwind and acceleration. Even as he'd shielded her from the deathly green light, his eyes had been impossibly gentle, loving even. Not one ounce of regret had been there, as he gladly took the curse to save her. His last smile had reminded her of her father's, proud of her and soft and kind._

_A warm hand against her cold one brought her out of the past with a jolt, and she looked down to see her small fingers wrapped safe and secure in James' brown grip. She raised her gaze to his face and her breath caught in her throat. Glaring in anger or sneering in arrogance, he'd always been beautiful. Now as he looked at her with softly glowing, anxious eyes and hair ruffling gracefully in the breeze; she thought her heart might break with longing. Her lips parted in a silent cry and she could only gaze with agonised eyes as he gently wiped her wet cheeks with cautious fingers._

_He wasn't looking at her, carefully keeping his gaze on their interlocked hands as though studying a rare species. When she didn't look away, he finally gave in and raised his eyes so that green met hazel in spark of electricity that suddenly made the atmosphere tenser than ever before._

_Her eyes still locked on his, she slowly moved her face towards him, silently begging him to do something. His raged with too many emotions to count; uncertainty and want and for some strange reason guilt, all battled for supremacy in those hazel orbs until he suddenly tore his gaze from hers and pulled back, his whole body shifting until it was as far away as possible from the girl beside him._

_Rejection tore at Lily's heartstrings and her cheeks stung with embarrassment. All she wanted to do was to run, to flee to her room and her friends and cry her heart out because she wasn't good enough, wasn't pretty enough even for the Hogwarts playboy. Fumbling for her bag, she started to scramble to her feet, blinded yet again by tears that she refused to allow to fall. _

_The hand that still lay in hers suddenly tightened its grip and, eyes wide in shock, she found her self wrenched back to collide against the chest of James Potter. Her lips had opened in surprise but the words died on her lips as she cowed before the raging fires that fixed her to the ground in their intensity. They were wild, mad even, with such emotion that her first reaction was fear, until it was smothered by an answering desire so strong it sent tingles down her spine and made her body ache with desperation for something, anything that would satisfy her unbearable need for the boy in front of her._

_The silence stretched and the two simply stared at each other, both tasting the tension on the air and the delicious anticipation that was building. James' eyes softened and instead of ravishing her as she was half hoping he would, he raised his hand and Lily's eyes closed as the pad of his thumb gently brushed her lower lip, as they parted wistfully at his touch._

_The thumb left her mouth and she started in surprise to feel it move to her neck as he tilted her face up until she was looking him directly in the eyes. He smirked slightly at her expression of shock and shook his head slightly as she pouted at him._

_"Lily Evans, you silly girl, for the last time, will you or will you not go out with me?"_

_Her eyes widened and he took her shocked smile as a yes. The next thing Lily knew, her lips were crushed under his in a kiss that almost made her knees give way, as both she and her heart were carried away by the tide of his passion. It was slightly dizzily that she pouted at him when he finally drew away. After all, who needs oxygen anyway. _

_End of Flashback_

* * *

Oxygen, that rang a bell. Lily's consciousness suddenly realised that she was breathing again, the hands around her throat were gone, he hadn't even had time to tighten them. She opened her eyes to see the small and yet strangely imposing form of Moniqua Monroe in front of her. Her mentor's wand was out, pointed directly and the boggart who was no longer James and yet was also one of the last things Lily would ever have expected to see.

It was another boy, almost identical to James in both height and breadth, but older by maybe five years. Like the form before it, the illusion man was breathtakingly beautiful, in a way that reminded Lily of Sirius, but a Sirius so cold, so obviously dangerous that it was an insult to call them alike. The young man had the same longish black hair that fell into his eyes with impossible elegance. But the eyes themselves were opposites. Whereas Sirius' violet orbs sparkled simply for the love of living, these eyes were cold and hard and grey as a shadow, though the whites around them were oddly tinged with red as though the owner hadn't slept in weeks. His skin was pale as snow and his long bony fingers flexed in a way that made Lily's skin crawl.

She glanced at her teacher to see her reaction to this man who was apparently her greatest fear, but Moniqua's face was set in stone. For a heartbeat there was complete silence, before the vampirish figure opened it's mouth and spoke in a soft lilt that send shivers down Lily's spine.

"The famous Miss Monroe. I word of advice; people who covet Lord Voldemort's property seldom prosper."

There was a flash of light, and the boggart was gone; the woman's silent rididiculis had blasted the shape shifter into a thousand pieces. Lily looked wide eyed at the grim smile dancing on the dark-haired woman's lips. Her black eyes were far away, deep in the past as her voice echoed softly into the empty room.

"How fortunate then, that he was never yours to begin with, Mr Riddle."

* * *

The room itself seemed to wait with Lily, for Moniqua to awaken from her trance-like, blank scrutiny of the stone wall. A few tense moments later, she stirred and met Lily's worried eyes with a reassuring smile before walking to the huge open window. Lily hesitated before silently following, coming to stand beside her mentor as she looked out over the vast green fields that surrounded the building.

Lily yearned to speak, to ask her teacher if the man they had seen had truly been Lord Voldemort, but the silence was cold and unfriendly and she didn't dare break it.

"Ask Lily, only by questioning do we gain answers."

Lily turned to her teacher, returning her gently mocking smile with one of relief. Moniqua eyes were kind as well as serious and she waited for once without her habitual impatience.

"Was that really…?"

"Yes, it was. A younger Lord Voldemort, but one quite as deadly. Though rather more personable, than the present day." She smiled at her own slight joke, but Lily couldn't laugh. She was too busy trying to get her head around the fact that Moniqua had somehow known, or at least met the young, handsome man who would, not so long after, become the greatest dark wizard the world had ever seen

"He said you took something that he considered his." She left the statement hanging in the air, the question implied not asked. Moniqua was silent for a moment, before sighing and turning back to her anxious pupil.

"And in a way, he was right. In some strange way, I knew that the threat in those words was no bluff but, I took it anyway. You'll probably understand what I mean when I say, when you want something so badly, reason and consequences seem to go out the window." She sighed once more, a heavier and sigh sadder one than the last.

"And so I earned the emninity of the most dangerous man on the planet, and a price on my head worth more galleons than most people make in a year." Moniqua's smile was cynical rather than bitter, Lily suddenly realised. She looked back at her mentor who was now staring once more out of the window, smiling softly at someone only there in her mind The emotions were so adult, that Lily hesitated, trying to grasp the alien concept, before asking her question.

"Whatever it was, was it worth it?"

Moniqua's laugh seemed to echo over the sloping grounds, rolling on the wind as a bird of prey rides the thermals. She turned her majestic head and the coal black eyes sparkled at Lily's bemused expression.

"Was it worth defying the most powerful, evil dark wizard of history?" Her smile was ageless, filled with a wisdom that made Lily suddenly feel very very young.

"Oh yes, it was worth it."

* * *

Moniqua shook her head and the spell broke as she turned to the girl beside her, suddenly business like in her manner.

"Enough about me, this task was for you to face the fear which kept you from opening your subconscious." A pause, and then Moniqua continued, her voice suddenly strained and uncomfortable.

"Who is he?"

Lily looked back out the window before answering.

"James Potter."

"Yes but who is he to you?" Moniqua's tone was impatient, even frustrated and Lily turned back to her with puzzled eyes. Her teacher seemed to realise how she'd sounded and relaxed, smiling gently at the redhead.

"What happened?" The question was gentle and unobtrusive, and for the first time Lily ached to let down the walls around her, to let someone in, to tell Moniqua the truth. But she couldn't, it was too…much. She would have to settle once more for white lies and half-truths that would satisfy her mentor's curiosity. Lily sank to the stone floor, and Moniqua gracefully lowered herself beside her. Lily's white hands clenched and unclenched, as she took a deep, steadying breath and prepared to tell her story.

"He was the schools golden boy; quidditch hero, genius, idol even. Every girl would have killed to spend a single night with him and every male in the building dreamed of filling his shoes. He's…James Potter, the guy who has it all; looks, brains, astounding talent on a broomstick, he even had the personality, most of the time." She paused, staring down at her fingers with a rueful smile.

"And I hated him."

Moniqua's brows had been lowered in a deep frown, but at this, they rose in surprise and then puzzlement. Lily laughed at her expression and went on.

"I wasn't jealous if that's what you're thinking, Miss Monroe. I hated him, because he was a bullying, big-headed, son-of-a-gun who, instead of being grateful for his good fortune in life, believed it gave him the right to treat everyone else like shit. He doesn't give a damn about anybody, at least except about his three best friends."

"Sirius Black, didn't you say?"

"Yes, and Remus Lupin and Peter Pettigrew. They are the gang, his boys, his world really, the constants in his life. Anyone else is just passing through; if they're lucky, they might get a wave goodbye." The smile was bitter now, filled with hurt and resentment. But Moniqua still looked puzzled.

"And you hated him for his arrogance?"

"Yeah…for his arrogance and for the fact that he was a complete and utter womaniser. What 's more, he's virgin-killer, one of those guys who thinks it's the funniest thing in the world to make some poor, unsuspecting, probably shy and quiet girl into falling in love with him. They all do, he just…gets to them, anyone from any house. He knows the words, the touches, the smiles; he's the Picasso of the art of seduction. And every time they fall for it. And every time they give in, lose their principles and standards and every time they let him into their pants. Despite the fact that he's been cheating on them the entire time, with some bleached blond from the year above. And then the next morning, he's gone. A quick note on the side on the pillow, and when they come down to breakfast, he's already chatting up his next victim. I hated him, I loathed his very existence because of that…way he had of dragging down any self-respecting female into the dirt. The way he just had to SMILE and they would come running to his feet like pathetic little lapdogs. The way he…loved it; loved watching them fall so far…"

Lily's voice dropped softer and softer until it was barely audible.

"And than he turned to me. He decided that the bookworm Lily Evans would be his next target. He beat the crap out of my ex-best friend and then had the fucking NERVE to ask me out while Severus was still dangling in the air. God, if I'd hated him before, it was nothing to what I felt then. Severus became, simply Snape that day, and I hated the arrogant prat for taking away my oldest and closest friend, however much my brain knew that it would have happened anyway. It was still his fault, EVERYTHING was his fault." she said with a slight smile.

"It was all worked out in my head; I would hate him for all eternity, he'd realise I wasn't worth the time nor effort, and we'd both move on with our life as we had before. And then he had to go and mess it all up."

"He changed. He stopped flirting with everything in a skirt, he studied and made an effort in every OWL, and then when school broke up for summer, he came and visited me almost every day while I was working. At first with Sirius and then more and more often on his own. He would bring me a bottle of butterbeer after work, maybe take me for an ice-cream and he was…perfect. Still cocky and flirtatious, but even that he managed to tone down so as not to wind me up. Every effort in the world, he made it, until I couldn't find anything I could hate about him anymore. Bloody git."

"I began to call him 'James' rather than screaming the word Potter. When he wasn't being a prat, I could see what everybody else saw in him, understand to a certain extent why people worshipped the ground he walked on, why girls and guys alike flocked to him in their hordes. He was just so…fun. He could adapt to anybody and any situation. He had that way of looking at you and making you really feel that at that moment, the only thing in the world he cared about, was you. So when he asked me out, I'd been silently wishing he would do so ever since the beginning of term"

Lily half laughed, a harsh bitter sound and Moniqua watched and listened in silence as the redhead's green eyes, suddenly ignited into emerald fires. The white fingers clenched into small, but purposeful fists, as she glared at the white wall as though James' portrait could be seen there.

"I didn't even stop to think that is was too perfect, didn't even wonder at the fact that in two short months he'd transformed himself into the epitome of my ideal man. It was all so subtle, so slow and so beautifully done, that I didn't even notice him doing it. The rare times he let the mask slip, he immediately committed the mistake to memory and never made it again. Looking back, I have to give him credit as the most unbelievable master of seduction I've ever seen. In that sense, its not even really his fault; I was the one who fell for it, I was the idiot who fell for the guy I'd sworn I'd never be taken in by. And that night, just when I thought maybe, just maybe he loved me, he proved exactly how little he thought of me."

The tears were falling by now, softly and silently rolling down her faintly flushed cheeks and she wiped them away with rebellious determination. Moniqua's eyes were soft and sad, but at the back of them lingered a fury that Lily missed. Probably only two people in the world would have had any idea just how angry Moniqua Monroe really was.

She pulled the quietly sobbing girl into a gentle hug, resting her brown chin on the girl's copper curls and softly rubbed her back with loving hands. It was good that Lily had got it off her chest, good that now she could talk about what had happened, and would now, hopefully be able to move on from it. She shushed the redhead quietly, rocking her back and forth as one would a baby to calm a nightmare. Only when the sobs had subsided and Lily had pulled sheepishly away, did she break the silence.

Lily felt her chin being lifted by a gentle yet firm finger, and the gesture brought a slight pang as involuntarily she remembered another person by a blue lake doing the same thing. She raised her head to meet her teacher's eyes that were now stern and dazzlingly intense.

"Listen to me Lily Evans. Don't you ever let people make you feel worthless. James Potter is, granted, everything you're not, and he's also everything you'd never want to be. Your modesty, your determination, your inner strength and astounding courage, all of these qualities make you worth ten of that spoiled, apparently very badly educated boy. He doesn't deserve you Lily, but if I had to bet on anything in the world, I would bet he's still kicking himself for letting you go, and if he isn't he isn't worth a second of your time. I know that hearing all of this will never stop the pain of loving him, I want you to promise me something. Promise me you'll show him just how much he lost when he hurt you, and don't dare ever let him see you cry again. If this is your heartbreak then « trés bien » , but I will not have you cowering like dog in front of it. Regardless of the pain, these feelings are one more emotion to be mastered, with the same techniques as all the others; discipline and self-confidence."

Moniqua paused, and looked at the girl who was, by now, far more than just a pupil.

"What do you say Lily? Will you let him win or will you stand up for all the girls whose hearts he's broken? Will you sit and sigh over what might have been or will you teach him a lesson he won 't forget? It's really your choice and yours alone."

Lily didn't answer, but then she didn't need to. Just looking at the fire in those burning emeralds, Moniqua couldn't quite suppress either her smile of satisfaction or a tiny twinge of pity for the boy who would have to deal with this new and improved version of the redhead Lily Evans at the start of the new school year. The girl smiled back; a vicious, cynical smile but nevertheless, it's ferocity was enough to send shivers down any casual observer, peeping in at the other window. He wouldn't like to be in James' shoes right now, not for love nor money. The poor bloke would have no idea what had hit him.

* * *

The night air was refreshing when Moniqua stepped outside. It was about half ten, and Lily had just collapsed into the small camp bed, exhausted from the two hours of practising wandless magic, that had followed the rather enlightening encounter with the boggart. She was still far from finished, but in those two short hours, her progress had been, finally that which Moniqua had been hoping for. Lily was on the road to recovery. Now Moniqua could turn to other matters, number one of which was the bone she had to pick with a certain somebody.

In the last rays of the late evening sun, most of the grounds and trees were cast into shadow; Moniqua's face and left side were no exception. Apparently staring quietly and the magnificent sight of the orange and red streaks, just disappearing over the horizon, she waited. Only the tiny smile on her on her lips would have indicated to people in the know, what was going to happen next. The world was silent, the lack of wind meant that even the trees were resting as if weary from the hot day's sun. Outside the large stone building, the peace was left unbroken for all of ten minutes and the dark haired woman listened and waited.

Then he moved and a split second later five beams of light had shot out of Moniqua's wand, plunging into the ground around the intruder like fiery javelins. The comical look of panic on his face made the coal black eyes light up in a cynical smile. The smirk that hovered on her mouth was almost innocent, but the sight of it caused the newcomer's face to blanch.

Another flick of her wand, and more javelins flew out, surrounding the young man and effectively encaging him in red beams.

"How it that for a person who is famous for his infinite patience allowed his mind to be clouded with distractions, causing him to move too soon?"

"Well, it's a funny story, so funny in fact that I'll, erm, go, yes, right now to erm, share it. Please feel free to continue, you wonderful woman." The winning smile sent her way did indeed make Moniqua's own smirk widen, but from the nervousness obvious on the intruder's face, this was apparently not a good thing.

"You do that Sirius. And while you are expressively forbidden to tell James why, feel free to warn him that goblin torture is nothing to what will be waiting for him when he gets back."

The Hogwarts idol, visibly gulped.

"Yes maam." He was already edging backwards towards the back outline of the manor house against the dusk.

"Oh and Sirius…"

In the pregnant silence, the french woman's smile became just a touch more evil.

"Tomorrow we'll discuss how you forbore to mention that my pupil's greatest traumatism, the thing that has been holding her back for the past two weeks, is none other than my son."

* * *

**There you go. I do hope you enjoyed it. I'll keep this comment pretty short because I'm trying to post this at 5 in the morning just before I leave for Uni, (two hour drive ****L ) but please read and review. And the speechemarks are offucially normal thank god . :)**

**Luv you guys**

**Lili**

**xxxxxxxxxxxx**


	8. Chapter 8

**Well not quite within the week sadly but hopefully still not too long a wait for my faithful readers. This is the last chapter set during the holidays, so I hope it's good and leaves a good taste in people's mouths before the next chapter. I'll stop babbling for now and allow you guys to read in peace :)**

**As always R&R and I luv all you guys!!! :)**

All Over Again: Chapter 8

For one accustomed to the constant lights and movement of a large city for would be difficult, nigh impossible to imagine a darkness so complete or an atmosphere so heavy and forbidding. Only the rain, thrown down in thick, constant ropes prevented silence; instead it lashed the now muddy forest floor like a nine tailed cat, sending up spurts and splashes over MJ's once black robes, and reducing her area of vision to three meter span around her. Every soft, measured step she took disturbed the puddles of brown water and her eyes flashed as she felt the cold wetness seep through her shoes. The impervious spell was already wearing off, fighting a losing battle against the storm.

Conditions like these were the worse that an auror would have to face. The blackness and the heavy rainfall cut off two of her most crucial senses, leaving her with only one friend remaining; instinct. She was heavily vulnerable and she knew it; it was little consolation that her prey was as hampered as she was.

Without warning, MJ came to a soft stop. In the near distance was a clearing, a refreshing patch of moonlit grass against the black conifers and oaks. She could sense her prey now, the taste of magic still lingered in the air, in this case, sweet and slightly spicy. Powerful magic was always the most distinctive. Monica's brows descended in disappointment. Not even an attempt to disguise the essence that floated on the wind, trapped beneath the heavy boughs. A mistake of an amateur, in this case a dangerous one.

The spell had been unmistakably a charm, a difficult one by the intensity of the scent, seemingly performed either on the person themselves or something they were carrying; there were no traces remaining on neither the ground nor the trees around her. Interesting.

Without moving, she silently impervious the ground at the entrance of the clearing before vanishing the water that had already pooled there. Yes, a hit! Inexperience had led her prey to trust the water to hide her intentions, but it had let her down. In the soft ground was the faintest of imprints, minutes old only to still have kept some semblance of their original form. More importantly, next to it was its twin. A triumphant smirk. Her prey was no longer alone, which could mean only one thing. A protean charm, the transformation of something or someone to mimic the caster. The prey she was stalking would leave the fake in plain view before attacking from behind. _Quel amateur serieux_. Pfff. She would have to do better than that. And she had no idea just how close Moniqua was behind her, how much she'd guessed.

Instead of stepping into the clearing, she stayed quietly in the wet shadows around its edge. The fake hadn't been placed yet, and when it was, MJ would have them both. Her target hadn't taken into account her follower's superior speed and stealth. This would be simple.

Sure enough, two minutes later, a flash of colour shattered the gloom, followed by a second of the same vibrant scarlet. The two identical girls were moving slowly and carefully to the middle of the small clearing and Moniqua shook her head at her student's stupidity. What was Lily doing? Burnished copper was probably the one shade of the colour spectrum that had no place in the dark forest, disguising it should have been the very first step to completing her mission. Two months of training for this? Did she really have so little clue as to how important this mission was? MJ was conscious of an impulse to strangle the stupid girl.

This fierce glint in her eyes would have made any member of her family cower in fear, and anger and severe disappointment in her habitually talented pupil had brought on a determination to show Lily exactly what she thought of this crap performance. Moniqua was ripe for murder. She aimed her wand at the backs of the two girls and the incarceration spell she shot was of staggering proportions. The robes flew out towards the middle of the clearing at the speed of sound, and not just any ropes either; thick coils of iron thread prepared to throw themselves around the two girls before suddenly, out of nowhere, a devastating flash of light made MJ blink.

The two girls turned round, wands outstretched. Wands? Peering through the huge iridescent bubble of protection that was now hovering mockingly in front of her, Moniqua reached out with her senses trying to feel which one was the fake and thus which witch was her target. Nothing. Blank. Both wands were protected to an impossible degree; not a trace of magic was left on either of them. Moniqua's eyes widened, impressed against her will. Maybe Lily wasn't completely fooling around.

The bubble faded and both girls assumed two flawless examples of the classic, Ministry approved duelling position; right leg forward, weight heavily back on the bent left one and wand held outstretched above the head. The challenge was beyond pointed.

MJ smirked. If the girl thought she had a hope in hell of winning against her teacher she had another thing coming. Lily would remember in the future to never be over confident of her own abilities. This would be a lesson she wouldn't forget.

The spell was harsh and silent and obscenely powerful, and in the flash of red light Moniqua's could see the identical widening of the two red-haired girls eyes. The stunner would have blasted a whole through a five-foot thick wall, so why were the girls suddenly smiling. MJ's brows suddenly snapped into a frown as the taste of magic from behind her suddenly made aware of her terrible mistake. The delibrately undisguised magic, the innetionally left footprints and of course the protean charm performed on not one but TWO dummies, two dummies mimicking the real, hidden trainee auror.

The white bubble took the stunner and absorbed it in an instant but the piece of impressive defensive magic went unnoticed. In midturn, the light, innocent touch on the back of her neck brought a small proud smile to MJ's lips, and her mind was filled with one last conscious thought even as her body dropped to the ground in a soft, dreamless slumber.

"Congratulations Miss Evans."

* * *

Moniqua awoke on the hard stone floor of the training room to find herself bound and gagged and to see her copper-headed pupil waiting quietly by her side. Green met black and the heavy ebony head nodded in acceptance that the test was over. Lily returned the nod and, with a small soundless movement of her wand, the ropes fell away and Moniqua rose to her feet, tearing off the gag as she did so.

They stood there for a moment, simply looking at the other, their faces identical masks of calm that gave no hint of the thoughts behind them. She was an incredible learner, Moniqua though to herself. The mannerisms, the calm, the poise, she had acquired it all. No teacher could have a better pupil.

Looking at the girl in front of her, it brought back a slight stirring of nostalgia, as Moniqua's thought turned repressively to a day some twenty years ago now, when she herself had waited with that same calm patience for her own teacher to pronounce her fate. The green eyes were confident without cockiness, her arms hung gracefully by her side and she stood quite still with not even a flicker of an eyelid to show her anxiety for the verdict. In that she had probably overtaken her teacher, Moniqua thought ruefully. "Impatience and impulsiveness", her mentor had proclaimed, "will always be your besetting sin Miss Monroe." And Sylvester Prewitt had been right. To Lily, that easy poise came far more naturally.

She was ready; as ready as she'd ever be. The small broken redhead MJ had first studied so critically on platform 9 ¾, was now gone for ever; she'd come so far in the last two weeks, become an entirely new person. New Lily laughed and giggled and danced while still being utterly calm and confident. Wandless magic was almost instinctive, self-assurance now came so naturally. If the wound her son had dealt the girl still bled, at least it was acknowledged and rebandged every day. Maybe, in time, it might even begin to heal, though this was the one thing MJ still had doubts about. Lily had it bad; to Moniqua, the signs were all too visible, but to the outside world, Lily's heart could only be pure and intact.

Looking at the seventeen year made Moniqua's heart swell for a moment with an almost maternal pride. If anyone deserved her son, it had to be this heartbreakingly brave, passionate but oh so kind and loving redhead. But that wasn't for her to decide, and if Lily was already her hearts daughter, it would a secret that the young people didn't need to know. For now, all she could do was wish her pupil well.

Moniqua smiled before saying, in a voice warm with pride and affection

"Well, Miss Lily Evans, I am pleased to inform you that you have hereby passed your training and as of now, are officially invited into the ranks of the Ministry Aurors."

Lily's sudden smile lit up her small face light a beam of sunshine and she laughed, a sweet merry sound that finally rung clear and loud, untouched by hurt or heartbreak. Moniqua's smile widened before giving in to the deep throaty chuckle she had been repressing.

Lily's now dancing figure spun around, and Moniqua's eyes widened as, without warning, the girl threw herself into her mentor's arms and hugged her tight enough to stop her breathing. She raised her titan head and the green eyes sparkled for once with pure, disbelieving happiness, and MJ almost gasped as that smile transformed her from unusually pretty, to a dazzling creature suddenly worthy of the rather cliché epithet beautiful.

They pulled away and Moniqua couldn't help but laugh slightly at the expression of giddy bemusement that still lit up the young girl's face. She shook her ebony head before walking away suddenly to one of the heavy oak tables that stood in the large room. Lily watched rather dazedly as her now ex-teacher came back to the centre of the room, in her brown hand a closed envelope of heavy parchment decorated with a very familiar seal. Lily's eyes widened and without thinking she swooped to snatch her Hogwarts letter from a laughing Moniqua.

"I thought I'd wait till your training was over to give you this, so that we could celebrate both amazing achievements at the same time."

Lily gazed at her, not comprehending before suddenly gasping as her brain registered the unusually heavy weight of the envelope, fingers already pressing eagerly, hoping, praying to feel the tell-tale bulge of metal that would mean…

Her shriek echoed round the huge space and Moniqua's laugh followed it almost immediately as Lily frantically opened the letter and pulled out the gleaming badge she had been working for, for almost five years. The words 'Head Girl' beamed back at her and the smile on her face grew impossibly bigger.

"Come here," Moniqua shook her head in laughter and Lily danced forward. Moniqua's nimble fingers fixed the small but surprisingly heavy shield on Lily's emerald jumper, just above her heart. The red curls tumbled over her shoulder as the girl turned to continue her expressions of joy, but Moniqua held her back with a grin and a remonstary finger.

"And as for your other achievement,…" Moniqua waved her wand and golden mist swirled out of the very tip to assemble in her other hand before turning into a shimmering piece of gold parchment. Lily took it, her shining eyes taking the words in black ink that told her she had just graduated from her training.

She looked back at her mentor almost in disbelief.

"I just…can't really believe it…can't believe I've actually DONE it! I finished!"

Moniqua's black eyes twinkled mischievously.

"What do you mean finished? We haven't even started." She laughed yet again as Lily stared at her in incomprehension.

"Your official graduation ceremony will only take place around Christmas time certainly, but before that Lily, we've still got work to do."

Lily's face stayed blank, before her eyes widened warily as her mentor's smile transformed into that all too familiar smirk of pure evil.

"We're going to give your James Potter a surprise he'll never forget."

* * *

The said James Potter was blissfully unaware for the surprise that fate, his mother and his nemesis had planned for him, as he sat, staring up at the diamond-scattered sky from his place in the soft, damp grass. Every star in the solar system was visible tonight, all seemingly gathered to mourn the sad parting that awaited him in a few short hours.

The soft breeze ruffled his hair and James sighed. The summer had raced by horribly fast and he physically ached at the thought that it would be another whole year before he would next see the wild but beautiful mixture of sweeping hills and intricate green labyrinths he considered his homeland. With the dawn would come the tearful goodbyes, the long-winded speeches and sad empty promises for the future.

James' brow darkened. Who knew what the future would bring. There was a war going on, despite the temptation to forget the painful reality as he relaxed and trained in the safety of the rural French countryside. Who knew if they would ever see each other again? Who could truthfully say that there would be a next year, or that next time his Mum would come to and that they'd bring more cheddar and pork sausages. Why try and pretend otherwise? But that was the job of an auror, his dad had said, to pretend and lie through your teeth in order to reassure and keep hope alive.

His musings were suddenly interrupted by the tiny snapping of dead wood under a careful but not careful enough foot and the reflexes honed through years of training with both his parents had James' wand out and aimed at the intruder in less than ten seconds.

"Enough with the showing off coz. However much I'm sure you'd like to hex me all the way back to England, you and I both know that Uncle Henry would much prefer me to take the portkey with the rest of you."

Jenny's light, teasing tones and mischievous smile would have made almost any other male on the planet grin rather sheepishly back but right now, James was far from being one of his charming cousin's admirers. A single black brow rose and his lower lip curled in an unmistakable expression of disdain before he turned and settled back into his former position.

Far from being discouraged by such a welcome, the thick brown curls shook slightly as she tried to restrain a peal of merry laughter before seating herself beside the young sex-god, seemingly oblivious to his rigid fury. She pushed them back to admire the fine clear sky before glancing over her shoulder at James with eyes that were almost identical to his own.

"I brought you your mail. It arrived this morning, but as you slipped away after your nights adventures with the oh so charming Alicia, as well as missing lunch AND dinner, I thought I'd see that you got them in person."

No answer. Jenny rolled her eyes with affectionate mockery and tried again.

"Taylor Swift will be horribly disappointed if you don't reply to even ONE of her letters over the holidays. As will…Sarah Green, Jennifer Backbone, how dare that bitch share my name,…erm…Katie Johnson, Samantha White, Amanda Spinnet, oh and of course, how could I forget, my personnel favourite Cecilia Dale."

Jenny's voice had been gently teasing as she flipped through the large pile of envelopes, almost all of which seemed to be decorated with rather disturbing compositions of hearts and frills and pink ribbons, but at the last name it hardened, and whether in response to the suddenly chilly atmosphere or the name itself, James did, finally meet his cousin's gaze.

His eyes were impenetrable, hers were cynical under the one eyebrow that was pointedly lifted. The silence was long and cold and measuring, before James finally spoke.

"Trying for more Dreamer? You called in that dept remember and I got you what you wanted. I wouldn't, if I were you, push your luck." The menace behind the soft smirk was thinly veiled but steel was far from lacking behind Jenny's own answering smile.

"I'm not pushing my luck James, I'm just pushing your buttons. And are you honestly telling me that if I'd asked for your forgiveness that night you would have given it to me? I would have called in that dept and just like that we would become family again. I knew you were dumb James but I didn't think you a liar."

The obvious mockery lit a fire in James hazel eyes that would have had even a Marauder edging away slowly, but Jenny stood her ground, that damned smile softly curving her naturally pouty lips. She eyed his clenched fists with interest and said conversationally

"Isn't the thumb supposed to be outside the fist when you want to punch somebody? I'm sure Uncle Henry told me that one should never clench thumbs in." She glanced back at him, head tilted in a questioning smile, she eyed him speculatively.

It was too ridiculous, even his rigid self-control couldn't prevent his mouth to quirk upwards for a single second and her eyes glinted, sensing victory. But she'd underestimated his anger, and drawing on it with all his strength, a moment later his face was firmly set into its cold mask. No one would have guessed that James was inwardly cursing the girl next to him with every swearword under the sun.

She'd always been able to do that he raged silently. A single look and she'd have him grinning like an idiot, even as a child she'd been able to coax him out of his blackest tantrums. They were too alike, that was the problem, and in the very depths of his consciousness, he acknowledged that he missed her horribly. She wasn't a Marauder, but they'd grown up together, both only childs in a relatively small family; she probably knew him better than any other member of the female population. But betrayal was one thing that James Potter couldn't forgive.

"What do you want Dreamer, and don't give me that crap about bringing me my fan mail."

A pause. Then Jenny's voice was suddenly sad and small.

"How did it get to this James? If I'd told you a year ago that you would one day loathe me for all eternity for picking my best friend over you, you would have told me to lay off the firewhiskey. I mean we were close, all of us. Well Sirius never cared about any girl in his life apart from Lily," she paused as James' teeth ground audibly at the name

"But the rest of us, you, me, Peter and…Remus. We were friends weren't we. Laughing together during the holidays, buying the silliest Christmas presents for each other at Christmas and then I choose to stand by one of my three closest friends in the world and that's it, over. Damn it James I hurt you, I get that and I'm sorry, but the others? Peter makes a point of scowling at me every time he sees me, and Remus…"

James' fists clenched at the mention of his friend, silently snarling at his cousin to not even go there. But of course she did.

"He just blanks me James, even more than you do, and I don't know why. I mean he hates Lily too but that's because she humiliated you. Does he really hate me that much by association? I mean he still talks to Alice and even Emily when he has to but me… I'm not even worthy of his dislike, all I get is his contempt and that cold indifference, that means he's retreated behind that veil where he'll let nobody touch him. Why, why is it..?"

"You seriously think he hates you because you sided with Lily?" The words were dragged out, unwilling and goaded through James' clenched jaw, before immediately regretting the slip-up. Jenny's eyes widened at the revelation and opened her mouth to ask the incredulous question, but James suddenly turned to her, with fire and dislike burning in his eyes.

"Get out of here Dreamer, and I won't tell you a third time; stay away from me and my friends." He stood up, his arms folded menacingly in front of him and glared down at her from his impressive height. Jenny to rose to her feet and looked squarely back at him, indifferent to the obvious disadvantage the position put her in.

"Sirius said something rather similar to you didn't he James, and did you listen to him?" A muscle twitching in her cousin's jaw warned her just how close James was to snapping but she tried one last time.

"I didn't, remember? I didn't say anything when you decided you wanted her because, Merlin help me, I trusted you. Just like that night coming out of the Room of Requirement. You swore to me that it was nothing and I trusted you. I had faith in the big cousin who used to come to save me from the monsters."

A flash of something like pain momentarily crossed James' face as the long forgotten memory came back to him, of waking to the screams of his diminutive cousin, who, tormented my nightmares, would wake up sobbing night after night. The hint of longing in Jenny's own eyes showed that she too was thinking sadly back to the countless times when James would hug her tightly until she escaped their grasp and would lie beside her telling her stories until finally she would drop off into a short but for the moment anyway, peaceful sleep. That was where her own nickname for him had originated, the one who sprinkled her with his magic dust and brought her her sweetest dreams. Even to this day, memories of his soft voice telling magical stories of unicorns and dragons and princesses, were still her night-time trigger to fall into blissful oblivion.

Her smile was sad but infinitely soft as she sighed at the man that boy had now become and she searched quickly through the thick stash of envelopes before pulling out one, two and then a third.

"Here, I guessing these are the ones you want. » She held them out and after a moment of hesitation, James took them, glancing briefly at the addresses. Moony, Pads and then,…

He paused at the last letter with its familiar seal, measuring silently its weight before meeting Jenny's eyes.

"I guess congratulations are in order. Apparently tormenting other students wins you extra credit nowadays."

James face stayed carefully expressionless, and Jenny shook her head as she realised he wouldn't rise to the bait. One last half smile and she spun daintily on her feels and made to climb down the hill. At the last second she threw her brown curls over her shoulder to gleam up at the dark haired boy, saying sadly

"If we ever staring talking again, it seems you'll have lots of new stories to tell me huh. » She turned away from him and the soft lilt of her voice only just carried only the slight breeze to his ears.

"See you tomorrow Sandman."

She didn't look back and James didn't watch her go. Only when she was far away, back in the safety of the well-lit little village did he whisper his answer to the wind and the trees.

"See you tomorrow Jen-Jen."

* * *

It was sometime before James Potter moved from his cold scrutiny of the green valley, but he couldn't put it off for ever. Eventually his strong fingers moved almost against his will to tear open the heavy parchment and open the letter. The moonlight rendered his wand unnecessary and he read the neat narrow script of his deputy headmistress with a strange mixture of dread and disbelief. There it was, written in deep black ink, the words that he'd know would be there and yet had tried so hard to ignore, along with the consequences they would bring. Automatically he reached a second time into the envelope, pulling out the little golden shield where the initials HB glinted at him mockingly.

Turning over it over in his fingers, he stood there feeling the weight that seemed to have descended not on his hand but over his chest, as words like responsibility, growing up and adulthood swirled depressively in his mind. Remus had said he'd been rewarded for his appalling behaviour but James was far from agreeing. This little lump of gold was a permanent hangman's noose around his neck, a constant reminder that one more error and he was out.

It would hopefully be, Dumbledore had said, a wake-up call to the sulky arrogant young man lounging in his chair in front of him. The memory made James wince. Dumbledore was the one adult in the world whom James respected more than his own parents, and the disappointment on his headmasters face had made even the famous James Potter's face flush in shame. Only once before had he seen the grey haired man so grave, and in that instance the tables had been turned, the disappointed frown had been turned upon his brother , while James was heralded a hero. Dumbledore's expression that night had brought home to James how unforgivable Sirius's actions had been and so to see it once more because of his own comportment had numbed James to the very core.

* * *

_Flashback_

_"I'm afraid I must tell you James that never have I been so ashamed of one of my students. Even Mr Black did not reach quite such a level of perversity in his treatment of Mr Snape."_

_The blue eyes were for once without a twinkle, instead they surveyed him gravely from over the rim of the half-moon spectacles, waiting calmly for an answer. But what answer could he give. It was impossible to explain the rage, the disgust and the jealousy that had overtaken him that Monday evening as he'd watched Snape, SNAPE the greasy git that he was!, come over to HIS Lily after dinner and attempt to talk to her. After what had happened after the OWL's she'd sworn she wanted nothing more to do with him, but there, right before his burning eyes, she had simply stood and listened to what the oversized bat had had to say. From behind the suit of armour he watched as the long white fingers reached up to softly brush her cheek, wiping away a tear had had escaped._

_James had found that he couldn't take it anymore and he'd turned and ran to the closest outside entrance. Without even caring whether he was seen or not, he had transformed into Prongs and was away. The night passed quickly as plans of revenge for the morrow filed his mind, revenge that would be worse than any before because she'd gone back to HIM, she betrayed him one more time and it hurt more than all the curses in the known world put together._

_"The Governors have asked for your departure, much as though they would far rather avoid expelling the exceptionally talented son of the Head of the Auror Department."_

_A lump came to James throat as he imagined his father's disappointment._

_"But you will perhaps remember what I told Mister Black during that late night meeting between the four of us. Sirius made the most of the second chance he was offered, indeed that experience was possibly one of the best things that could have befallen him. It is certain that he grew up that day. I told you then James and I will tell you once more that in saving Mr Snape, you behaved with a maturity and selflessness beyond your years, that that courage persuaded me to hope for great things for you in the future."_

_A pause and Dumbledore continued._

_"It is possibly for this reason alone that I have decided that you yourself deserve a second chance to prove me right about your true nature and character. One last chance." Dumbldore shot James one of his uncomfortably piercing looks from under his bushy grey eyebrows_

_"It will perhaps interest you to know that Miss Evans has been put forward for the post of Head Girl in the following year."_

_Sure enough, the gleam in James' eyes was one that meant no good for Lily, and Dumbledore could almost see the plans beginning to form in the his highly acute mind for using this to his advantage. However the Headmaster's next words wiped the smirk clean of the seventeen year old's face._

_"Before you get ahead of yourself James, you will possibly be rather more interested to know that your punishment and second chance will take the form of taking upon yourself the role of Head Boy and assisting Miss Evans in every way you can."_

_In the silence you could have heard a pin drop, and James could only gape at the grey-haired man in front of him who had obviously just lapsed into momentary insanity. He was a Marauder, a womaniser and Quidditch Captain. Head Boy? The very notion was ridiculous. He hadn't even been a prefect and in any case, no…just NO! That kind of thing was for goody-goodies, nerds, all round weirdoes. He couldn't!! His reputation, his freedom; he'd lose it all._

_James' mouth opened automatically to protest against this madness when Dumbledore cut him off with a raised hand._

_"If Miss Evans comes to me with word of any problems on your half, then I will stand aside and will concede to the wished of the Governors. This is therefore your choice James. I need you to be a man, the world needs a man and if you will not grow up willingly then I will make you do so, by any means possible. You have extraordinary gifts James, and I cannot allow such a talent to go to waste simply because you refuse to accept the past and face the future."_

_Dumbledore's expression was sad as he watched the spasm of pain cross the boy's face. They were still so young, both of them, and their feelings were too strong, too powerful and too strange for them to understand them yet. All they could feel for now was the pain, the hurt, the agony of suddenly needing someone more than food or water. How to tell them that such a love was a blessing that so many long for and so few ever really find. How to explain that the greater the love, the more painful the heartbreak and the fiercer the hatred that follows. That strange mixture of hatred and need was gradually ripping them to pieces, but youths pride and stubbornness held both teenagers still firmly in its grasp. This year of forced partnership could well be the one thing to make them stop resisting the inevitable._

_End of flashback_

* * *

The wind suddenly gusted hard enough to whip up the leaves on the ground, up into the air and into the young mans face. James stirred for his reverie and sighed, closing his fist around the badge. His father would be proud, he thought a little sadly. He couldn't tell him he'd only got it through the torture and torment of an ex-girlfriend. Henry would smile and grip his son's shoulder with a warm smile and James would have to grimace back at him and act shocked and surprised as everybody else. And their reaction would be nothing to the student body's.

Only two more days before school would start once more and he'd have to deal with the downsides of his privileged position. Sure, he would get his own dorms and own bathroom to share with Evans, but there would be meetings to organise, prefects to direct and paperwork to do. If he slacked off he would be expelled. His days as a carefree Marauder were now officially over. The Headmaster had said he wanted to bring him back to reality and James and had uncomfortable suspicion that the crazy old man's plan would work.

Merlin, was it already only two more days? Only two more days and he would be back to school. The cheery puffing steam train would be waiting for him filled with both friends and foes and the notion of war and deaths and Voldemort would once again take it's place as an ever present fear, a bruise on their spirits all of them, from his fellow students to Dumbledore himself.

Under Dumbledore's protection, each young witch or wizard knew themselves to be safe, but the constant dread of the black letters and the news of more and more deaths kept first years and seventh years up into the late hours worrying. And now it would be his responsibility to do something about it, both as an auror and Head Boy. Was he really capable of it?

In the growing darkness James suddenly surprised himself by yawning, and the sound seemed eerily loud in the silence. He sighed and shook his handsome head. No use in worrying about it now. What would come would come and if Evans thought that she would get him expelled she had another thing coming to her. He would make the most of this. Oh, he'd do his duties he thought maliciously, but he'd be damned if he helped her to do hers. That bitch would get a shock if she tried to make him lose his badge. Not that she would, he thought suddenly. For all he knew, the summer break mightn't have had any effect whatsoever. Her eyes might still be blankly expressionless and her laughter still forced and fake.

As he turned to make his way back to the village, he couldn't hoping with all his heart that September the first would prove him wrong.

* * *

"And a little snip here… and wait wait wait, stop MOVING you silly girl! Just a tad more here… THERE!!"

The slightly rotund little woman stepped back a pace to admire her masterpiece and admire it she certainly did, if the beaming smile spread from ear to ear on her round face was anything to go by. She bustled forward once more, ruffling and rearranging the silken copper locks she had been so occupied in cutting before swivelling the chair round with a great "Voila!!"

Lily smiled cheekily at her mentor , who had just winced at Madame Maple's over-emphasised, very bad French accent before rearranging her features into an expression of calm anticipation under Moniqua stern gaze. She finally took the deep breath she hadn't realized she'd been holding and turned to confront the unfamiliar face in the gold-gilded mirror. Her green eyes widened and it was Moniqua's turn to smile as the girl's mouth fell open, forming a soundless "O" as she stared at her own reflection.

Strange how much difference a straightening charm and a pair of good old-fashioned scissors could make, Lily thought rather dazedly. Her fingers crept up to her temple to touch the perfectly smooth thick bangs that now framed her face, highlighting her high cheekbones and softening her pointed jaw line. The girl in the mirror had highlight of gold, and lowlights of various shades ranging from russet to crimson and the entire effect made her head seem to glow like an eternal fire. Still staring in amazement, she shook her head slightly to fling the thick smooth curtain over her shoulder and a small smile crept onto her lips as she watched the movement make the strands sparkle in the light.

The cut suited her to perfection, Moniqua thought approvingly. The soft layering created a charming shape as it curved in towards the neck and around her cheekbones. It was young and stylish whilst still making the girl look somehow older, and accentuating both her skin tone and her eyes against the strikingly burnished head of hair.

She smiled as Lily got to her feet, shaking off the tendrils of newly shorn hair from her shoulders before remembering she was a witch and vanishing them with a word. Seeing Moniqua's smile change suddenly to a frown, Lily immediately apologised with her eyes; Moniqua had made it very clear that the ability to do wandless magic must be kept very secret.

Ten minutes later Moniqua's face had relaxed and mentor and pupil prepared to apparate back to the training faculty. It was strange looking around the grey stone walls, the oak furniture and the hundreds and hundreds of dusty books, to think that this would be the last time she would ever see it. It was all so dear to her, she realised sadly, as she looked around the place where she had spent some the happiest months of her life. Her own little camped, the imposing wardrobe that took up half the space in her small box-like bedroom, the sweeping grounds that surrounded the outpost, and of course, most of all, Moniqua herself.

Lily turned to see her now ex-teacher watching her with an equally sad smile. Without a word, the two walked into each others arms, and Lily tried desperately to stem the tears that were pouring down her cheeks and almost certainly staining Miss Monroe's elegant white shirt and navy pencil skirt ensemble, before realising that hers were not the only tears dripping down the silk. They stayed like that in comfortable silence for a long time before finally MJ pulled away and touched the redheads flushed cheek with loving fingers. Her eyes smiled with maternal pride as she gazed down at the girl who now didn't really merit such a name. She had grown up, grown into a young woman just about to finally spread her wings and take off into her own adventure. She was strong now, trained and powerful and a match for any new auror just out of his three years training. This brave compassionate redhead had so far to go in life, so much potential, so much ahead of her, and Moniqua found herself hoping with all her heart that she would be there to watch her do it. But for now, for a year at least, this was farewell, and Moniqua had something special planned for her young prodigy.

Her smile turned mischievous as she indicated towards the door that led to the small living area with her head. Lily followed the flowing ebony locks in slight puzzlement before gasping as Moniqua stood back to allow her a view of what lay beside the school trunk and pile of books on the small table.

"This is your graduation present, a gift to help you in your own revenge against a certain someone" she said, waving towards the pile of new, expensive clothes and stack of makeup that almost completely covered the wooden table. Lily could only stutter her thanks, and Moniqua laughed at her mixture of embarrassment and gratitude.

"And this, this is for you and for a promise I intend for you to make me." The dark-haired woman reached behind her and turned back to Lily holding out something than Lily had thought she would never see again.

As if in a trance her fingers reached out to reverently take the beautiful, gleaming broomstick offered to her, and her green eyes sparkled with tears as she ran her finger over the carved gold words that said « Nimbus 500 ».

Lily raised her blurry gaze to Moniqua's face, the huge lump in her throat forcing her to try to convey her gratitude through her shining eyes and shaky smile of joy.

"I want you to try out for the Quidditch team, Lily and I want you to soar to victory on this broom, just as your parents would have wanted you too."

Lily nodded tearfully before managing to stammer out

"We won't see each other again for a long time, will we?" Moniqua's smile was sad once more.

"Probably not, Lily, but letters of you and your progress will keep me happy until Christmas."

"Christmas?"

"Of course. Your official Graduation ceremony remember? As well as the introductions to other members of both the auror department and the Ministry." Moniqua grinned as Lily's face lit up in happy anticipation.

"You didn't think I'd just love you and leave you now, did you?"

Instead of answering, Lily once more flung her arms around the woman who had given her so much, and through the tears, she laughed from pure joy and her heart sang at the thought of tomorrow,of her friends and of course her foes. Still wrapped in that last comforting hug, her smiled a fierce triumphant smile.

"Bring it on James Potter."

**Whew!! There you go, the summer is over and done and I must admit, at some points I was so excited for Chapter nine and the return to school, it was incredibly difficult to concentrate on getting this chapter finished. In this one it was all about goodbyes and partings, and I'll admit that what with going off to Uni, this chapter hit a little closer to home. I hope you guys like it and that it was worth the slight wait. With the end of this chapter, the « prologue » to the story is finally over and in Chapter 10 the both the new year and the story really starts. It'll be longer and of course about 75% J/L action which is always the best so don't go anywhere lol**

**As I said before I luv you guys lots and lots and lots aaaand**

**Read and Review :)**


	9. Chapter 9

**Hey there to all my loyal readers! Well here it is, I've worried over it, had many a sleepless night because of it, but, finally, Chapter9 is up. I really, really, REALY want to know what you guys think for this one, so please I really do beg (however much it hurts my knees, and my pride sigh) you to read and REVIEW!!! Even if it's to tell me this chapter was a complete and utter let down.**

**Oh yeah and I apologise for the lateness to all the people who were wanting me to update, but this chapter is long enough so as to hopefully make up for it lol.**

**Please enjoy and I luv you all!!!!!**

* * *

All Over Again: Chapter 9

All in all, there was only one word for it; strange. It was strange, how small the first years seemed all of a sudden, each of them bearing identical expressions of either glowing excitement or pitiful nervousness. Even at eleven years old, the rare muggleborns were easily distinguished from the tide of pure and half-blood's. Strange how their tinyness brought home just how much time had passed since the similar day, seven years ago now, when the eldest of the young witches and wizards gathered on the almost completely filled platform, had sported that same mixture of wary excitement as they prepared for the long-awaited departure.

It was equally strange how much the now seventeen year olds had changed, since that never-to-be-forgotten day; strange how legendary friendships had innocently been formed and how others were already, unknowingly, soon to be broken.

Strange too, how unhoped-for tolerance and forgiveness had been found in some of the unlikeliest places and how those who thought themselves condemned to loneliness, were stunned by an unexpected hand of friendship.

Strange and sad how jealousy can hide itself so slyly, growing in the shadow of a mind, only revealing itself when it's grasp over it's host is so complete that resistance is pointless, and the guilt brushed aside as easily and contemptuously as a cobweb.

And so, so strange how one word can wrap itself around a fragile heart, armouring it more completely that dragon scales or steel; how confidence truly can change a person inside and out. How the screams and laughs and smiles now warmed her fragile heart instead of crushing it. How acceptance and courage could overcome the greatest of hurts and how a person once so close to breaking could now survey the happy, bustling platform with a smile to rival even the most ecstatic of them all.

Strange? Oh yeah!, she thought, but you know, she could definitely get used to it. The smirk barely touched the corner of her lips as she strutted gracefully down the platform, fingertips playfully brushing the shiny red train that chooed so cheerily at her, and seemingly unconscious of the open-mouthed stares and gasps that followed her, every elegant step she took.

* * *

"Oh, come ON Padfoot, what, for Merlin's sake, are we waiting for? The compartments will all be gone if we don't get a move on."

Sirius's violet eyes rolled to survey the back of his head, but otherwise he gave no sign of having heard the winy drawn-out syllables coming out of Peters mouth. Usually Sirius had patience to spare, even for his small friend's occasional bursts of childish petulance, but today the black-haired boy simply ignored him, waiting for his other, more mature friend to step into the breach, which, as always, Remus obligingly did.

"Then how about you go and grab it, Pete's; that way it'll save us kicking out some poor scared group of first-years who didn't read the sign." The werewolf's voice was calm and placating, ever the peacemaker in moments of tension such as these. Sirius was in a touchy mood, and two least alike members of the Marauders, would soon be a loggerheads if he didn't tactfully persuade Peter to let Sirius stew in peace.

The short blond boy visually pouted but past experience had long proved that ignoring Remus' advice was seldom wise. The lean, tawny-haired boy had an instinct for avoiding conflict and defusing tensions, and even Peter wasn't stupid enough to think himself a match for the undisputed Number 2 of the famous group. Sirius had a little known streak of coldness that could take even his closest friends by surprise; an anger-induced lack of mercy or pity that would manifest itself from time to time, and transform the young Adonis into a harsh unforgiving young man to whom morals and consequences meant nothing.

Age had seen these occasional outbursts dwindle to nothing, indeed, the last one Peter could remember had been in fifth year. The rat faced boy cringed; at one point it had seemed that Snape had finally gotten his deepest desire in destroying forever the brother-like bond that tied the boys together. Peter still remembered watching in dismay as his strong, dependable friends had turned on each other, torn each other apart with a loathing that had numbed little Peter to the very core. Only the infinite depths of Remus' gratitude and the startling change that had overcome Sirius after that incident, had prevented the end of The Marauders forever.

No, picking a fight with Sirius Black was not a good idea, even for one in the privileged position of being a Marauder, which was why Peter, with a final huff, did as he was told and took himself off, weaving his way through the hordes of students and giggling girls, to jealously guard the compartment inscribed with the words; "Property of The Marauders".

* * *

He was soon out of sight and Sirius yet out a soft sigh of relief before meeting his friends amber eyes. Remus' smiled mockingly back, one eyebrow raised in innocent inquiry at his friends extremely unusual display of impatience. His grin widened as Sirius own eyes narrowed in warning, but before the young sexgod could crush him with an icily cutting word, he deftly changed the subject, chuckling inwardly as, for once, Sirius Black was caught .off guard.

"So. Why didn't you go and get her?" The toss of the shiny ebony locks would have successfully distracted ninety-nine point nine percent of the Hogwarts population, but on Remus the tactic had no effect in hiding the tell-tale twitch of a muscle in that lightly stubbled jaw. The werewolf's eyes lit up with an unholy glee; maybe once a year did Sirius Black suffer from worry or guilt, but those rare occasion were moments of unashamed delight for his friend; there was something so…ridiculous about seeing the man of ice, flustered and ruffled like a mother hen.

"Maybe we should just wait for her inside…" The question was innocent and Remus' tired face was a mask of calm as his friend rounded on him with flashing eyes, magnificent in his anger. He continued to glare balefully at his fellow Marauder before something, invisible to anyone else, seemed to assure him that his friend was teasing.

Sirius Black was therefore his typical languid self as he answered, his bored tone ever so slightly exaggerated as if show that he was anything but riled. His words however, belied his heavy nonchalance as he lounged back against the red steelwork of the Hogwarts express.

"Moony, you can wait for her in Antarctica for all I care, but I am not leaving this platform until I see Lily Evans."

Remus sighed to cover the smile he couldn't quite repress and, adjusting his own position against the school train, he resigned himself to waiting for the diminutive red-head.

* * *

The people around the two young men swarmed and screamed, as goodbyes were yelled with excitement or tearfully whispered, and the minutes crept closer to ten o-clock. Remus finally gave in to his protesting muscle and stretched his arms over his head, glancing discreetly at the big round clock hanging on a nearby pillar, before looking sideways at his friend. Sirius had yet to even twitch; stillness was a lesser known example of the boy's many gifts, Remus thought ruefully. But sooner or later, they would have to join their baggage and Peter on the train.

Prongs had boarded the Hogwarts express over half an hour ago, declaring the need to prepare for his meeting as Headboy. The evil grin that had accompanied this pronouncement had brought an identical look of wariness into his two friends eyes, and Remus again snuck a glance at his watch. If Prongs was preparing something for Lily, then for her sake, he ought to try and find out what, if only to give her some forewarning of what awaited her.

Remus had already opened his mouth to say something of this nature, when Sirius' head suddenly snapped up, his violet eyes burning with intensity as they scanned the platform. Following his friends lead, Remus breathed in, and all at once the sudden battering of thousand of smells he habitually tried to block out, hit him like a tidal wave. Werewolf senses could be both help and hindrance; in this case, the sudden flood of information was almost overwhelming. Eyes blinking rapidly as he tried to control the sounds and smell that were threatening to drown him in their multitudes, until finally once particular scent made him sigh with relief.

The delicate mixture of sweetness and spice that his friends canine nose had obviously picked up on could only belong to her, and the smile crept into his eyes as he scanned the dwindling masses of people, looking for that unmistakable burnished head that would hopefully mean Sirius' return to normality.

For a few moments he frowned about the platform, unable to find the source of the unmistakable scent and his friends rare impatience. Only when Sirius' breathtaking eyes suddenly latched with the fierceness of a hunter onto someone behind him, did Remus finally manage to pinpoint the odour.

The smile was already on his face, as he turned to welcome the red-head, determined to show that the summer had not lessen his determination to rekindle their friendship. What he saw however, made his jaw drop to the ground.

The girl in front of him was everything he'd hoped she would be, but hadn't really dared to dream of. During the long summer months he'd worried for the broken redhead, wondering if by some miracle, the gods could answer his plea and somehow transform the fragile-looking wraith back into the fiery spirited girl her friends knew and loved. But his rational mind had know just how forlorn a hope it had been, and realism had forced the young werewolf to abandon the dream that the two-month break would have miraculously healed his, well, "friendly acquaintance" as they now were.

And it seemed that prayers were indeed on occasion answered, because the Lily Evans waving at him so excitedly was everything he could have hoped for and more.

Sirius' booming laugh suddenly sounded from behind him and he could only watch, dazed, as the copper haired sprite danced forward before throwing herself into Sirius' outstretched arms. The same strong arms swung her small form round and round as though she were weightless, and the red mane flew out behind her like a spray of molten gold.

He finally let her go and she laughed irrepressibly, flushed and breathless and as beautiful as she'd ever been and more. A final hug to her darling and she turned to Remus, eyes sparkling with pleasure and lips slightly parted from the exertion. She met his eye and visibly hesitated. She was nervous, Remus realised, as he watched her chew her lower lip looking at him with doubtful eyes, unsure of her welcome.

The sudden passage from supremely confident to suddenly unsure dragged a laugh out of him and he opened his arms, smiling as her small face lit up with joy and she flew into them. The hug was brief and a little awkward Remus reflected ruefully as he drew away, but then why was he surprised? Sirius was her brother, her soul friend, her darling and she adored him above all else. He had a long way to go before regaining even the status of friendship with the now sparkling red-head, so the twinges of disappointment that still niggled him slightly, as the dark-haired boy immediately reclaimed her attention, were silly really. And anyway, while she laughed with his brother, he could comfortably observe the mind-blowing changes two months had wrought on the copper headed sprite.

Copper hair that was now straight he remarked with inward surprise, straight and shining as it fell in thick bangs around her small features, emphasizing the delicate bone structure and emerald eyes that now glowed with happiness. Those same eyes that were highlighted by carefully applied makeup, in soft neutrals shades of sienna and gold and outlined in dark brown liner that seemed to make them double in both size and beauty. Her skin was soft and smooth and white, and the grease and blemishes she hadn't bothered to look after were now banished from her entire face and body. The faint flush of her cheeks against the natural paleness of her skin was breathtaking to behold and the softly curved lips shimmered with a hint of balm rather than a more obvious gloss.

The clothes were new too, Remus vaguely registered, and they looked bloody good on her. The black denim skinnies hugged her petite figure like a glove, stylishly tucked into equally black boots of soft suede and sporting a heel of at least three inches. The emerald jumper looked like cashmere too; James' mum always loved that kind of thing, and Lily seemed to have acquired that same classic elegance during the past two months.

A sardonic smile thrown at him over the top of Lily's burnished head brought him out of his daze and he raised an equally sardonic eyebrow at his smirking friend. So this was what Sirius had wanted him to see, allowing him a sneak preview so he could enjoy the look on James' face fully when Lily walked into that Prefect's compartment. An evil wink and he was sure of it, and for the first time in quite a while, he found himself pitying his absent friend.

* * *

The high keening whistle of the train made all three faces blanch suddenly as they realised that the Hogwarts Express was preparing to leave, with or without them. Lily's thing's were hastily levitated through the nearby door, followed by the three seventh years, all of them silently thanking Remus' parents for their forethought of having their son in the month of May. Magic certainly came in handy.

The train started moving mere seconds after Sirius ran up the steps, having saved the small velvet box that had fallen out of Lily's black leather bag, from spending the year at Kings Cross Station. He handed it to her with his breath coming rather fast, swatting at her head as she giggled mischievously at his flushed face. Only five minutes later did he deem Lily's apologies and coaxing sufficient to merit forgiveness for having laughed, LAUGHED at Sirius Black and even then only after she'd given him a breathtaking hug, to Remus' rueful amusement. Only around Lily did Sirius become so affectionate, demanding her attention like a spoilt puppy, revelling in her obvious adoration for him.

The three made their way, still laughing to the famous Marauders compartment, where Peter awaited them gnawing his nails in impatience, until he jumped up, gaping in horror as Lily followed the two boys into the small space. The sudden tension in the air was immediately apparent, and it was Lily who saved the moment, hurriedly intervening as Sirius' brows descended in a scowl, declaring that she had a meeting with the Head Boy.

The swift glance between all three boys were quick enough for Lily to miss them, and she smiled innocently back with excited eyes, as she pinned the shiny gold badge on her chest.

"If I'm already late it's entirely because of you two and so I shall tell the Head Boy. "

The words were unaccompanied by a sparkling smile of mischief and even the two boys who both regarded her in an entirely platonic light, couldn't help but gape a little at the copper locks being thrown over a white shoulder, as she turned and walked out of the compartment. The door closed behind her and both boys suddenly started, staring blindly at each other as the carelessly spoken words registered.

In the silence, only the breathing of three worried seventeen year olds could be heard until Peter finally voiced the threesomes thoughts.

"Prongs is…in for a shock, isn't he guys."

The comment drew a shout of laughter from the Sirius, and he shook his ebony mane and ruffled Peters blond hair affectionately, before turning to Remus with violet eyes brimming with laughter.

The smile was faintly echoed in Remus' own amber ones, but there was worry there too; worry for his friend who was about to come face to face with the girl he loved and hated in equal measure, only to find that she, to all outward appearances, was apparently over him. This could well be painful.

His eyes fell to his watch as the young werewolf reconciled himself to counting the minutes until he could rush to the Prefect compartment and save his friends from each other, though right now, he wasn't sure who needed saving the most.

* * *

The corridor was busy as Lily made her way down the train, blissfully unconscious of the consternation she'd left behind her just as she was equally unaware of the not-so-welcome surprise that awaited her in the Heads Compartment up ahead. Even strolling down the carriage after carriage, as first years and seventh years alike pushed and shoved to grab the best seats, she couldn't help but smile. She'd wanted this job for years; since the age of fourteen every thing she'd accomplished, every rule she'd fiercely upheld, it had all been with this in mind. And finally the spotless record and long dismal hours of tedious study had finally paid off. She'd earned this, more than any other girl in the school she deserved the shiny gold shield glinting proudly on her chest.

Only one grey cloud threatened to rain on her parade; the identity of her as yet unknown fellow head student. Lily had been dismayed to find that in a moment of insanity, Dumbledore refrained from giving the badge to Remus, not only for her "friendly acquaintance's" sake but equally for her own; the prospect of sharing dorms and even a bathroom with a Slytherin made her feel slightly nauseous, especially as, with Remus out of the running, her ex-best friend, Severus Snape was the next primary candidate.

Lily shuddered, before eyeing the heavy oak door in front of her with foreboding. The fancy gold writing seemed to scream imposing and for a split-second she was tempted to turn around and hide herself in the baggage compartment.

The slam of a door made Lily jump, and typically her cheeks flamed with embarrassment as she realised she'd been staring at the words "Head Students Compartment" for almost a minute. The door still loomed impressively in front of her, but Lily was no longer the broken wraith that had left the train at the end of last term, and Lily laughed inwardly as Moniqua's face suddenly appeared in her minds eye, shaking her head in disgusted horror at her prize student as she trembled like a leaf because of a DOOR! Lily's own burnished head echoed the movement ruefully; Moniqua would be completely justified too. The girl was planning on challenging You-Know-Who himself, and here she was shaking in her boots at the thought of sharing a bathroom with Severus Snape. Come on Lily, pluck up. There were worse things in life than grease-plugged showers. Possibly.

The small redhead squared her shoulders and her thick locks fell back from her face as she lifted her pointed chin in a deliberate challenge. Through thick and thin, that fiery defiance had been the one thing she'd always kept. The only difference was the gentle smirk curving her lips upwards below emerald eyes that were suddenly glowing eagerly for battle, and she tossed the crimson bangs over her shoulder as she prepared to push the door determinedly open. After all, she smiled wickedly, how bad could it be?

* * *

It was rather snazzy, James thought lazily as he lounged back against the red leather cushions; maybe there would be some perks to this bloody job after all. Apart, of course, from the one that was due to arrive in roughly two minutes and twenty-six seconds time. James couldn't resist sneaking yet another eager glance at his watch, as his fingers tapped distractedly on the smooth Mahogany sideboard, a habit he'd picked up from his notoriously impatient mother. He hadn't even seen her before leaving he reflected a little grumpily.

The party had returned from France the evening before, to be met with the news that his mother had been called to the Ministry about the alleged threat on the wizarding community that was planned for September the first. James' dad had left immediately, and messages of love and apologies had accompanied the pair of Ministry limousines that had turned up the next morning to drive both boys to Kings Cross Station. Sirius had been fascinated, and "Happy Sirius" had annoyed James the whole sodding two hour journey with his typically ill-timed cheeriness.

It was easy for him, James thought with more than a touch of sulkiness; he'd spent the whole summer flitting back and forth between MJ and of course Evans. James on the other hand, had difficulty remembering the last time he'd had a conversation with his mother that had lasted longer than ten minutes, before she was called away to save yet more lives.

The dark-haired boy sighed suddenly. He was being a brat, and he knew it. He'd been lucky enough to spend the entire summer training with his dad, if only officially. Most of the stuff James had known for years and the little he didn't, he'd mastered in a few short weeks. His mother had had her own student to train, a girl he remembered vaguely, starting from scratch too. He'd had it relatively easy really.

* * *

James' head suddenly snapped up and he leapt to his feet, waiting silently, ears straining as her listened eagerly for the footsteps he was sure he'd just heard. There! A few more; light musical steps, definitely a girl; hopefully the one he'd been waiting for.

Every muscle in James' well-toned body seemed to quiver, a hunter tracking his prey, and his tongue slipped out unconsciously to wet his full lips in eager anticipation. It felt almost indecently good too and he found himself torn between perversely wanting to prolong the wait, and the overpowering need to see her once more.

The thought of her nearness was intoxicating, and, eyes glowing with unholy glee, he turned to the window, displaying only his back to the door that could only be seconds from opening. The triumphant smirk was already fixed in place, as he waited; he'd been planning this for months, right down to the words he would say to make her crack, right down to the magnimonius offer he half-planned to make. But he had do go carefully. No mistakes. Not any more.

Because, down in the depths of his consciousness, the need to see her was still dangerously strong, and James was all too aware that the butterflies in his stomach were more than just impatience to punish the redhead once and for all. At the end of last year he'd been weak, her proximity had chaffed at the iron chains he'd placed around his heart, picking holes in his defences, allowing the suppressed desire to weaken his resolve.

But he was stronger now, and if the simple yearning to see her face again after two months was speeding his pulse and leaving his mouth uncomfortably dry, no casual observer would ever have guessed it. His demeanour was dangerously calm, and he waited, with his back to the door that his nemesis was preparing to walk through, any second…

* * *

The heavy oak creaked loudly as it was pushed firmly open and he was nearly undone. For a split-second, the sound almost had him spinning around to look at her, see her for the first time in months, but he held on grimly to his self-control, waiting for the gasp that followed a moment later. Victory had never been so sweet as it glowed in his hazel orbs, and he turned languidly on the spot, god-like in his arrogance and victory, to meet the green eyes that haunted his dreams.

And then he saw her.

In the bright compartment, the silence itself seemed as staggered as the girl and boy, who simply stared at each other, two pairs of eyes widening in mutual horror at their own personnel demon.

* * *

Lily's mind was blank. How could it be him?? No!! Never!! Bathrooms! SHOWERS!!! Oh sweet Merlin, no, no, NO!!! She was over this, over HIM!!! She loathed him, detested him, craved him…Holy shit, how could Dumbledore…after what he did… Oxygen didn't seem to want to come. Forget butterflies, AEROPLANES seemed to have taken permanent lodging in her tummy, and surely he'd grown over the holidays, and must have spent two months at the beach because that tan just wasn't NATURAL, and his muscles, dear God…NO!!!

Wrenching more than pulling herself together, she grasped fiercely at the remnants of the self-control she'd been practising the entire summer. Breathe Lily, breathe, Moniqua's voice rung softly in her head, but Moniqua had never been faced with the glorious, dazzling creature in front of her. Nor had she ever had to face not only working but living with said creature, who simply had to unexpectedly inflict his intoxicating presence upon her, to make her treacherous knees seem to give way beneath her.

But it was working. She was getting there. Breathing was good. Breathing meant not thinking about the way his gold flawless skin had darkened to bronze and how the crisp white shirt he was already wearing seemed specially designed to highlight this highly distracting fact…NO!!!

In panic, Lily found herself resorting to her newest and, according to Moniqua, most effective weapon; confidence, however feigned it might be.

Taking blissful refuge in arrogance, she tossed her copper bangs over her shoulders, using the movement to discreetly close her eyes as she struggled for control. Then the smirk; Moniqua's instructions rang through her brain, holding her together, giving her time, sweet precious time to still her vibrating heart and summon every ounce of courage and confidence she had assembled over the holidays all for this one battle with her greatest enemy.

* * *

Strange how fate has a way of paying ill-natured plans back in kind, in the form of rather poetic irony. Disillusioned and cynical as he was, even James through his sudden numbness could vaguely appreciate the cruelly humorous, twisted blow fate had dealt him. But so what? Who cared if he was simply gaping at her like a strangled codfish, and drool was slowly sliding out the corner of his mouth. Why would he give a shit about the rather obvious fact that SHE was the one supposed to be stunned, flabbergasted, horrified. What did he care, as long as he could stare at her for the rest of eternity.

His endless fantasies hadn't done her even close to justice, he realised numbly. Those eyes were ten times greener and brighter and more sparkling; her skin bearing a distinct resemblance to cream silk. God, those lips too! How?! How could they have gotten even more tempting? Rosy and faintly shimmering with some kind of make-up, it was so obviously an unfair, unsporting tactic to drive him to insanity. And there was more.

He feasted his eyes unashamedly over every inch of that body that seemed to grown even more gorgeous than before, vaguely remembering that his not-so-long-ago certainty that such a thing was impossible. Those indecently tight jeans seemed moulded to gloriously long legs, and that jumper! The colour of emerald and envy, cut cruelly low across soft white skin that curved smoothly out of sight.

The shock was lessening now, James' teenage body had no interest in wasting time and energy on such a pitiful emotion when there were other more important things to be doing, namely repopulating the planet with lots of little red-haired Potters. The groan almost escaped his lips as his eyes raked back and forth over that slim frame, wondering vaguely if it was illegal to look so fucking good. Fucking. Yes, what he should be doing. Now. Fast.

His body had moved half a pace before he was even aware of it, and horror washed over him as he realised he'd been close to jumping on her. Shit Shit Shit!!! Panic flickered wildly in James' eyes as he fought desperately to focus on anything, anything that would distract him from those lips seemed to be screaming his name.

His eyes flew wildly round the room before being irresistibly being drawn back to gaze at her, and he had to shake himself mentally as he found himself sinking back into those awfully tempting daydreams. No!! This was Evans!! Evans the slut!! Evans who broke his heart. He was NOT going to let her do it again!

The burst of white-hot anger was a god-sent, overcoming the need that was getting to the point where it was physically painful, and allowing him for a few brief moments, the ability to think clearly. He was not going to let go of his victory without a fight. She might have bested him in this first battle, but the war was far from over, and he had every intention of winning it. But fuck she looked good.

And then her next action left him completely and utterly stumped all over again.

She bent her head and for a brief moment James indulged in the hope that she was about to burst into tears, declaring him the victor. It was rather sweet really. Naïve, but sweet.

The auburn bangs were suddenly thrown back over a delicate shoulder and he could only gasp, transfixed as the naughtiest, taunting triumphant smirk proceeded to curl those flawless lips. James' eyes suddenly glowed with outrage. That was his SMIRK!! The bitch had had the audacity to not only acquire his trademark facial express but she then had the nerve to transform it into the most irresistibly tempting invitation he'd ever seen on a girl's face in all of his seventeen years. It was perfect, a mesmerising mix of sly cockiness and innocently coaxing coyness. James' mouth was suddenly dry as a bone, and again he found himself instinctively licking his lips, before scowling as the stolen smirk widened in mocking delight.

Fury cut through the lust, and permitted him to regain some small measure of control. His face hardened, taking refuge behind his expressionless mask, whilst all the while, questions were buzzing around his brain. Where had she learnt that? What had happened over the summer? How much had Sirius known and not told him, treacherous git that he was?

Slowly, he took a deep breath. It didn't matter, not for the moment anyway. For now at least he was safe, heart protected by the cold mask he'd had to fight so hard to regain.

* * *

As the boys eyes darkened with anger, Lily tensed instinctively. The preliminaries were over, both students had lost the element of surprise and the odds were once more weighted in James' favour. Or at least they would have been, Lily smirked, if she'd still been the same girl she'd been two months ago.

Boy and girl stayed quite still, each sizing up their opponent with a newfound wariness. Searching for weakness' both old and new, all the while fighting to suppress the almost overwhelming urge to close the gab between them. And like that, they waited, for the moment when one or other make their opening move.

* * *

It was unsurprising that the second round was initiated by James. A newcomer to this complicated game of timing and wills and wits, Lily hesitated a second to long, and James, with years of experience behind him, seized on the occasion with hunter reflexes.

He moved towards her, slowly, languidly, circling around the slim figure with a dancer's grace. The temptation to follow his movement by turning on the spot almost overcame her training, and Lily had to fight to keep her body completely still as his tall frame sauntered out of her view point. She couldn't let him take control, she had to prove that she wasn't intimidated, and so, gritting her teeth, she ignored her entire body's silent screams for her to turn around so as not to expose her vulnerable back to him.

Nevertheless he sensed her consternation as he moved smoothly into her blind spot, and the sudden tension in her shoulders brought his own smirk to his lips. He'd give her a master class in this game, and teach her not to play with fire in the future.

Still behind her, he gently picked out a lock of shining hair, twisting in gently between his brown fingers as if admiring it's sparkle in the sunlight, and she quivered irrepressibly as the tip of one digit brushed the back of her neck with a feather-light touch. The smirk widened, and he leaned in close enough for her to feel his warm breath on her skin.

"Looking good Evans. Was all this effort just for my benefit? I'm flattered."

He chuckled lightly waiting eagerly for her reaction, curious despite himself as to how far she would be able to keep this up. To his surprise, she made no movement and, slightly perturbed, he carried on, driven by a sudden need to get her to give in to him.

He took a step closer, his voice low and husky as he all but whispered in her ear

"But if you wanted my attention, another more private version of last years lap dance, would have done the trick just as well." His eyes gleamed as the hairs on the back of her neck stood up at his words, and he smiled at the easy victory. Then she spoke, and her voice clear and sharp as a knife under the careful politeness.

"Tell me Potter, how does it feel to be the last of your line." James' brow descended in confusion and then wariness as he heard the mocking ring of triumph in her voice.

"I'd advise you to reflect on it, because if you touch me again, I'll fire this wand and send you your balls back in the post tomorrow morning."

James' eyes shot down, wide as golf balls as he stared in shock at the elegant willow wand that was suddenly aimed directly at his crutch. His mouth fell open. He'd never even seen her move. What the…?

She spun round and, faster than his eye could follow, the wand was touching the gold skin of his throat and her green eyes were flashing in battle lust and triumph. She smiled at him and the ferocity made him cringe, swallowing nervously as the tip of her wand pressed delicately into his neck. The smirk, his poor kidnapped smirk, was now back in full force, and he glared at it, as it treacherously flaunted itself in front of his nose

"Let's get something clear Potter. Dumbledore may have been crackpot enough to make the most arrogant arsehole in the school Head Boy, but I'm telling you now; Mess with me, and I'll bring you down. And I'm rather good at it remember."

Two black fires suddenly blazed in James' eyes at the cruel taunt, but he met her gaze fiercely, lip curling with forced distain to hide his grinding teeth as her words tore a gaping wound in his chest. Hazel and green glared at each other in loathing, locked in silent battle as they stayed like that, trapped and yet revelling in each other's gaze.

A knock on the door broke the moment, and the electricity that had been humming between the boy and girl suddenly snapped as they turned theirs heads to the door, automatically stepping back and away with flushing faces.

Still red-faced Lily's mouth opened to call out to the knocker, and tell whoever it was to come in, when suddenly her words were cut of as an explosion of mind-blowing proportions suddenly shook the train, throwing them to the ground.

They struggled to their feet and ran to the door, yanking it open to see Remus' white face and people running past, screaming and pushing, towards the other end of the train. There was pandemonium in the corridor, and James' voice was almost inaudible as he demanded the girl whose arm he'd grabbed as she ran past, what the fuck was going on.

Her voice was drowned out by the screams and shouts but cold fear settled in all three stomachs as her lips formed the dreaded syllables.

Deatheaters.

* * *

For a moment Lily felt her whole body simply freeze in horror and irrepressible fear, but two months of training had done their work and a minute later she was composed and determined, albeit still deathly pale. She spun round to face Remus, barking instructions to gather the first years down the other end of the train and stay with them, finding as many other prefects as possible before finally and most importantly, getting an urgent message to Dumbledore. She didn't wait for his nod, and by the time he'd moved, she was already half way down the corridor, pushing past the hoards of students running in the opposite direction.

A particularly burly Slytherin, shoved forcefully into her, grinning like a maniac, and his weight was such that she would have fallen to ground had not a strong arm suddenly grabbed her round the waist and held her tightly and securely.

She looked up in disbelief, but James' glorious face was fixed on the door at far end of the carriage; eyes blazing and jaw clenched, his expression was so murderous that she almost backed away in fear.

She opened her mouth to speak, but he was already moving, using his gorgeous muscles to clear a path through the flood of rushing bodies, gripping her tightly to his chest to prevent her from being swept away in the tide.

In under a minute they had reached the next carriage, and then the one after that, movement becoming easier as the throng of students lessened and Lily found herself released without a word as they silently approached the last door, through which screams, laughs and one particularly cruel cackle could be heard.

Lily made to move forward when a sudden grip on her arm almost made her scream with shock and a moment later James' hand was covering her mouth fiercely. He removed his brown hand and spoke in a lone urgent undertone that was the complete opposite from his usual mocking arrogance.

"Get out of here! Find Sirius. He'll probably be with Remus and he'll protect you, he's had some training in this kind of thing. Get an owl to Dumbledore and the Ministry; this attack was planned well in advance, but no one in their right mind would have guessed that THIS was their target…" He shook his shaggy head suddenly, aware that he was rambling.

"Just go!! Quickly! I'll try and keep them occupied so that the students still in there will have a chance of getting away, but you, you've got to get away from here..."

She cut him of, her eyes blazing furiously at him, angry beyond reason that he was actually suggesting that she run away and hide while he took on an unknown number of Deatheaters on his own. What's more this was HER job. If anything, SHE should be the one telling him to go and hide while she took care of this; she was the sodding auror after all. Her low, answering whisper was hissed from between furious teeth.

"If you say one more bloody word I'll hand you over to the death eaters myself! Don't you DARE imply that I would leave you to do this on your own, you arrogant, big-headed PRAT!! I'm going in there whether you like it or not, because I'm the only one who has any bloody idea of what I'm doing!"

He just looked at her, dumbstruck by her apparent insanity and she seized her chance to step into the doorway, shooting of three stunners in quick succession as she took in the sight in front of her.

* * *

There were four of them, three heavily cloaked with impenetrable hoods hiding there features and rendering them unrecognisable. They were all watching silently the centre of the room where the last death eater was standing over the shivering, screaming body of a blond girl who could only be in first year, and two boys who looked to be of much the same age.

This was the cackler, she was gasping with delight as she turned her wand from the girl who didn't move, still sobbing quietly, to the smallest of the boys, her smile stretching from ear to ear as his screams were the next to fill the sunlit corridor.

The deatheater had thrown of the heavy fabric, so that her wild black mane tangled down her back and her face, as it turned towards the door, made Lily recoil instinctively from the manic laughter dying on her lips.

The expression was so…wrong, so awful on such a young, otherwise attractive face, that Lily seemed to freeze in horror and the infinitesimal lapse in attention would have had her writhing on the floor as the death eater closest to the window took advantage of her distraction to fire a powerful crucio at her stricken form.

She began to close her eyes instinctively against the blow, knowing full well that she was too late to successfully block it, when suddenly a blinding flash of light lit the small corridor, causing the black-haired woman to shield her eyes before they narrowed at the sight of the tall figure behind the red-head, whose Protego spell had just saved his companion.

* * *

That Olivia Burton had happened to be occupying of this compartment was no fault of her own. It was the tall good-looking boy, some five years older than her, who'd brought her here when she'd told him frantically all the compartments were full. He'd looked her up and down in a way that hinted at danger and she'd felt just a little worried until suddenly he seemed to change completely, asking her if she was muggle born and smiling kindly at her when she'd shyly said yes.

He'd led her to this compartment, which, he'd said, was rarely occupied, as the trolley lady never came this far down the train, and some time later she'd been joined there by two boys, who declared themselves to be starting their first year at Hogwarts just like she was. She'd been surprised; the boys seemed older but she shyly introduced herself and shook their hands. By coincidence, they too were both from muggle families and, like her had never heard of wizards or Hogwarts before the arrival of their letters. The three first years had talked for roughly two hours, and were getting well when suddenly a massive explosion blew the door and glass windows of their small compartment into oblivion. Olivia had screamed and turned to see four black figures in the space left behind from the blast, all of them aiming there wands at Jack, Dominic and herself.

All she could remember next was pain; mind-blowing, paralyzing agony that made her scream until the sound almost seemed to be coming from another persons mouth. All she could do was cry, sobbing in terror during the brief intervals when the pain would suddenly cease, and the screams that still rung in her ears were somehow different. And then it would begin again and the only thought that still lingered in her terrified, tortured brain was the desire, alien to an eleven year old, to simply die and make it stop.

It was then that the pain had stopped once more, this time ceasing for long enough for Olivia's dazed brain to make some sense of what was going on around her, and still sobbing, she raised her eyes to the door that her torturers were fixedly regarding.

The sudden flash of light completely blinded her, but when it cleared, she could finally see what had diverted her captors attention.

The two figures were tall, far taller than her, one towering even over his companion. A man, Olivia registered vaguely, standing with his wand raised, behind a woman with red hair who's eyes were flashing green. Like traffic lights, Olivia thought through the haze. She was pretty this woman; maybe she'd come to help her, to save her from the knives. And the darkness. Because everything was going black and it wasn't night-time, so why…

* * *

Lily's eyes widened in worry as the girl's head lolled to the side, eyes closed and unseeing. But she couldn't help her yet. No, she had to help James in his struggle to keep both of them alive. While she stared like a dummy, Lily realised furiously. What the fuck was she doing,!!!

Gritting her teeth with fury at her own stupidity, she pulled herself together, firing four different hexes in quick succession and smiling fiercely in satisfaction, as one adversary fell to the ground, unconscious. Her eyes searched immediately for James and, instinctively she fell into the motions and techniques she'd learnt with Moniqua during her lessons on offensive teamwork in duelling. She moved immediately to James back, her own pressed almost against the wall, as she fired spell after spell over his shoulder, synchronising her own wandwork with the protego spell's he was casting every two seconds or so to protect them against the counterblows.

The small part of her mind that wasn't one hundred percent focused on the life-threatening battle, registered with surprise just how well she and James worked together. Their timing was flawless; it seemed almost as though he could read her mind. Either that or he knew the exact same techniques she was using like he knew the back of his hand.

If her shots were quicker, his were by far the more powerful, his simple stunner was enough to throw the second unconscious death eaters fifty feet down the length of the carriage. He moved better than she did as well, and it confused her. She was an exceptional dueller, she'd even beaten Moniqua herself on three occasions, and yet James was still outclassing her easily.

* * *

Next to her James was wondering the same thing. How did she know that spell, and where the hell did she learn the double breasted formation that they were using so effectively. It was impossible, impossible too that she could…HEAL him? For a split second he stared in shock at the pink line on his arm that, a moment before had been a deep, bleeding gash. That was complicated magic, magic that one usually learnt in her first year of either Healer and Auror training. How the heck did she…

He was distracted as a burst of green light flew towards him from that bitches wand. Half panicking, he grabbed Lily round the shoulders and threw her to the ground beneath him, sighing in relief as the curse missed them by inches. A moment later he was back on his feet, and seeing the last hooded death eater still fighting, suddenly distracted by a large shard of glass he'd just stepped on, James used the moment to send a quick silent leg locker, and the death eater fell to the ground, paralysed from the waist down.

Three down; one to go. And god he was going to enjoy this. Bellatrix smiled manically at him, as though reading his thoughts and they waited, never taking theirs eyes of each other, tense as two cats fighting for dominance.

The hatred rushing though his veins seemed to be at risk of consuming him. The young striking face hid a soul so twisted, it could more easily belong to an animal than a human being. The list of these woman crimes was endless; the deaths at her hand innumerable. The horrific murder of the entire Vance family had been her idea and her execution. If all of that wasn't enough, Sirius had confided enough of his history with the horrifyingly sadistic member of his family, that for the first time in his young life, James felt the overwhelming desire to kill.

She could see it in his eyes, and they mocked him, daring him to do it if he wanted to so badly. The whole of James' vision was red, and the words Avada Kedavre were half out of his mouth when suddenly he realised his mistake. Taking advantage of his commitment to the spell, she blasted a quick vicious non verbal spell, but not at him he realised in mute horror.

Lily had been reaching for her wand where it had fallen from when James had knocked them both to the ground. Her outstretched arm took the full force of the obscenely powerful spell and James felt the blood go cold in his veins as the sound of breaking rang in the short silence and the red-head right arm fell suddenly limp to her side. He started to run towards her before remembering Bellatrix, and fired a spell that hit the wall where she'd been a moment ago before apparating to safety.

* * *

He cursed long eloquently under his breath, in a mixture of French, English and Spanish, his eyes blazing with fury and disappointment when suddenly a suppressed sob brought him flying to Lily's side.

His heart lurched as he looked down at her arm that was down completely limp as a rubber glove before staring helplessly at the girl with panic in his eyes. Lily's face was white as she bit hard on her lips to repress the screams of agony; Bellatrix hadn't simply removed the bones. She'd shattered them with a terribly powerful reductio spell and with every movement the fragments of bone still in their original places, cut and tore at her flesh from the inside.

Having no clue what else to do, he dropped his wand and held her as the dry sobs shook her slim body, whispering to her automatically that it was ok, it was going to be alright, help was coming soon, he promised. Lie through your teeth, his dad had said, shaking his head wisely when James' had scoffed. And his dad had been right. What else could he do but try to comfort her, to help her through the agony.

James had never felt such a fear as the terror that consumed him as he could only watch helpless as his Lily, his love lay in his arms trapped in the grasp of a torture he couldn't stop. This was living death, he could only gape numbly, his mind blank as terror held in firmly in its grasp.

Only Lily could wake him from his nightmare and she did, by moving her left hand suddenly so that it rested lightly on the remains of her destroyed arm. The feather light pressure nevertheless caused her to cry out and James made to grab at her hand and throw it away in fury at her stupidity before she stopped him with a look.

"Trust me." The words were bit out through tightly clenched teeth, but her eyes, wild but sparkling with iron determination, finally made him retract his hand.

White lids closed, obscuring those emeralds briefly from view and to his complete and utter shock, she muttered words that could never have come out of her mouth, because as yet, they weren't even legal. How the…

Before his stunned eyes, a dull glow of green light shone from under the girl's left hand, lingering for the briefest of seconds before sinking slowly into the mangled arm. For a moment there was silence, and then suddenly Lily let out a scream of agony that pierced James' very soul, and made tears build into his hazel eyes before rolling down his cheeks as he begged her to stop.

The scream finally died and, trembling and shivering, Lily lifted cautiously the arm that, moments before had been entirely destroyed. James' jaw was on the floor and he simply stared as she flexed the repaired member, twisting it this way and that, testing its movement and flexibility, before finally resting it on her lap and looking up at the boys who was till clasping her tightly in his wonderfully strong, reassuring arms.

They looked into each other's eyes, and for brief moment Lily's heart skipped a beat, as fantasies flooded her brain, of his pulling her to him and crushing her mouth under his with sheer relief, and she found her self leaning up towards him in readiness and want.

Then his eyes darkened as reality sunk in, and the moment was lost. They were James and Lily once more, hated enemies, and it hurt unbearably so soon after having been allies. He put her away from him roughly and turned so his back was to her, so that he missed her look of painful longing. But then he swung round, hazel orbs suddenly burning with strange anger and he gripped her shoulders so hard that she could feel the bruises forming; despite her pride , she winced.

His grasp lessened immediately, but he still held her, eyes still burning furiously into hers as he asked angrily

"When did you learn that." She stared at him in incomprehension, and his grip tightened once more as his voice became harsher

"That spell!!! Who taught it to you?! Dammit, Evans tell me where you fucking learnt it!!!!!" His breathing was heavy and forced and as he shook her roughly, Lily could feel her own anger mounting. She opened her mouth to reply fiercely that it was none of his damn business where she'd learnt it, when suddenly a voice startled both of them into drawing apart.

"Regardless of your heroic actions today James, I must request that you refrain from manhandling your fellow head student, unless of course…"

Relief filled both students hearts as they're Head master appeared, tall, stately and grave in the doorway of the carriage, but their happiness was short lived as another voice cut across him, sharper, angrier and horribly familiar to both Lily and James.

"Unless of course he's interested in being cursed all the way back to the south of France and being forced to eat frogs legs every day for a month." Moniqua stepped into the room after the tall figure of the Hogwarts headmaster and James' face turned deathly pale at the look of cold white hot fury in her eyes.

"Mum, I…"

"Your MUM!!!!" Lily's gasp echoed round the room drawing the eyes of every one of its occupants. A man limped in behind the dark-haired French woman, unnoticed by all, and surveyed the room in one keen swift glance, under heavy brows and the mass of scars that seemed to decorate every part of his body. Without a word, he levitated the unconscious forms of the three first years and magically carried them out of the room.

MJ's eyes flickered to her ex-pupil and infinitesimally, they softened. A smile wiped away the heavy frown lines that were creasing her brown forehead and she walked towards the girl. Lily found herself enveloped in a brief, painfully tight hug, before being searched for injuries over every part of her body. Still numb with shock, Lily allowed her to continue without moving until James stunned tones interrupted MJ's constant flow of muttered commentary.

"You know my Mum?!! How…"

MJ's shot to her sons face in an eagle like glare before replying in icily cutting tones

"_Toi, je te conseille de te la fermer mon petit, au moins si tu veut sortir de cette salle avec tous les members de ton corps. On va discuter ensemble toi et moi, et jusqu'à ce j'aurai fini de te dire exactement ce que je pense de ton comportment, tu ferai mieux de ne pas me provoquer plus."_

Lily watched speechless as James Potter, Golden Boy, idol and obnoxious prat, winced and bowed his head, muttering quietly

_"Oui, m'man."_

The information still refused to sink in and she cast her eyes around the corridor as though someone would jump out and tell her that the whole thing was, in reality, a joke. Her headmaster's vivid blue eyes suddenly met hers, and to her further surprise, they twinkled at her engagingly. She couldn't help but smile back, and eventually burst out laughing as her sense of the humour kicked in, and the ridiculousness of the whole situation finally struck her as irresistibly funny.

From the other side of the room, James suddenly lifted his head and shot her a look of loathing that cut of her laughter abruptly. It was rather nervously that she turned to Dumbledore and Moniqua who, having finished with her examination of Lily's wounds was talking in low voices with the stranger who had followed her in. MJ nodded abruptly before turning to Dumbledore and saying

"I've got to go Albus, they're attacking in masses in Diagon Alley, if anything thing this terrible stunt was nothing but a diversion. They knew we'd all rush to save the children."

Dumbledore nodded gravely before turning to his head students. He opened his mouth to speak when suddenly the door to the carriage was flung open, and a whirlwind with thick black hair, powered into the room, babbling at high speed

"MJ, where are they?!!! Is Lily alright?!! It was Bellatrix, they're all saying!!! If she hurt one hair on my Lily's head I'll…"

Sirius was cut off with laugh from Moniqua who pointed towards where Lily was standing by the broken window. Sirius's violet eyes seemed to burn in their intensity before he gripped the redhead in an iron hug that threatened to re-break the bones Lily had just managed to put back together, talking all the while.

"Damn you Lils, you stupid, stupid, idiot!!! How dare you waltz off to take on four, FOUR death eaters on your own, you idiotic, insane brat!!!! I knew this would happen, I let MJ teach you a couple of curses and look, what do you do? !!! Decide that it means that you can go and say "fuck you" to Voldemort himself!!! How dumb can you get, you stupid noble, heroic dwarf!!! Don't you EVER, EVER!!! Do that again!!!!!!"

"You knew."

The words were soft and cold and emotionless, and Sirius swung round, eyes wide and comically guilt stricken as he looked helplessly at his brother. James' face was a mask, but Sirius knew full well just how spitting furious his best mate was right now and had every right to be really. Fuck, fuck fuck!!!

He let go of Lily and turned to the dark-haired boy, shrugging in helpless apology. Suddenly no one was laughing; even MJ looked unusually worried.

"You knew, this whole time. And you didn't tell me." It wasn't even a question, just a cold emotionless statement of a fact. And Sirius winced.

It was Dumbledore who broke the painful silence, speaking in a clear carrying voice.

"You ought to be off MJ. » Moniqua's head snapped up, she'd been looking between her two sons with concerned eyes, but at Dumbledore's words she returned to her brisk, professional demeanour.

"I'll be back tomorrow Albus. If I could borrow some of your students time." The question was rhetorical, and without waiting for an answer she turned on her heel and strode sharply out, leaving once more that strained uncomfortable silence.

"The train will be arriving any minute now, James, Lily; if you could enter last please, I'm sure the entire school would like the opportunity to applaud your extremely prompt and highly courageous actions of today."

The two students nodded, and Dumbledore strode out in MJ's wake, leaving the three seventh years to what was going to be a very tense last few minutes on the Hogwarts express.

* * *

Half an hour later, James and Lily were obediently waiting, in the entrance hall for every last student to slowly filter into the huge, impressive arched space that formed the Hogwarts Great Hall. They stood in silence, looking anywhere but at the other, the girl clenching and unclenching her white fingers around the edge of her black cuff, the boy still as a statue of Apollo, expressionless and cold as marble.

The steps finally faded and the two students head rose simultaneously, two pairs of shoulders were squared and two masks of determined calmness were carefully fixed in place. They moved to stand, side by side, eyes fixed straight ahead at the open door.

For the first time since MJ had left, James suddenly spoke, voice cold and passive as he addressed the air in front of him.

"Don't forget the smirk Evans."

Lily's eyes widened, as she turned to him questioning as she recognised the familiars words.

The ebony head moved languidly to face hers and his hazel orbs finally burned into hers, cruelly mocking. He smirked at her obvious surprise.

"My mum's never wrong after all. But wait, you probably knew that already. "

Lily stayed silent, but the hurt at the unspoken accusation showed in her eyes and seeing it, he sighed.

"Come on, Lily,pluck up. Five more minutes of pretending to be the perfect partners and we can go back to despising each other in peace." His eyes were serious suddenly, and in struck Lily that he too had changed a little over the holidays. Not as visibly perhaps, but inside; he'd matured.

She ruefully half-laughed, and threw back at him one last joke, ignoring the pang of knowing it would probably be the last. Because after this, everything would go back to normal. But even so, she savoured the moment, the sweet second of companionship and most of all, his soft, faint grin at her comment.

"Ready Potter? Say cheese."

As they stepped through the doorway, the cheers and applause were deafening, even the teachers rose from their High table to give the two heroes a well deserved standing ovation.

Boy and Girl caught each other's eye, before turning to the cheering crowds, and, on cue, they smiled.

* * *

**Whew!!! I am officially exhausted!!! Lol Well I hope that it was worth all the wrist and finger cramps, and remember do feel free to tell me if it was or not. For those who don't speak French; here's a quick translation of what MJ says to James near the end of the chapter:**

**"And as for you, James Potter, I would advise you to keep you're mouth shut if you wish to leave this room with all your limbs intact. We are going to have atalk later on, and until you have heard exactly what I have to say concerning your atrocious behaviour you would do well to SHUT UP."**

**To which James rather adorably nods his head and says "Yes, mum." How cute. I love seeing tough guys getting told off by their mummies lol.**

**Anyway enough bla bla, I hope you liked the chapter and do remember, R&R. The more reviews I get the faster I manage to type lol, honestly. :)**


	10. Chapter 10

**Hi there everyone. I do realize that this chapter is technically a day late, as I promised in most of my replies that it would be posted Saturday. However as you will see, I got little IN to this chapter, and it kind of grew and grew until suddenly it was over ten thousand words long, *sigh*. I do hope it's enough to excuse the lateness lol. :)**

**This is the chapter quite a lot of people have been looking forward to, the meeting between MJ and James and the ear thrashing it entails. In the end however it ended up being a little sadder and (to me anyway) more moving than I originally meant it to be, but it seemed to be a good thing rather than a bad thing, so I let it stay that way.**

**What else to say? Not a lot lol, because most of you are probably already wishing for me to stop babbling so you can read in peace, and therefore I shall shut up with one last heartfelt plea :).**

**PLEASE!!!! Read and Review!!! You may have noticed but the number of reviews is wonderfully close to 200 hundred and quite frankly, I can't wait to pass that milestone. In other words review and I will write ten times faster lol. Really. ;)**

* * *

All Over Again: Chapter 10

Right, that was it, the gargoyle was definitely pushing his luck now. The dark haired boy glared at the ugly, stone face whose features were arranged into an expression of smugness that the mason DEFINITELY hadn't intended, all those centuries ago. James turned his brooding eyes to continue their interrupted scrutiny of the stone floor, vengeful plans of everlasting graffiti and Poirot moustaches swimming vaguely through the part of his mind that wasn't concentrating on the rather more important problem of the meeting awaiting him.

He looked once more at his gold watch and snorted, when a movement caught his eye. He spun round, speechless with anger as the gargoyle blocking his path winked from his crouch that was now angled to more comfortably observe the seventeen year old, who had been waiting, teeth clenched in impatient fury, for the last fifteen minutes. A great smile of unmistakable mockery curved those beak-like lips, and the sight of yet another person using his trademark smirk against him, pushed him finally over the edge. James' mahogany wand was in his hand and the reductio spell on his lips, when the gargoyle said in a voice filled impartially with boredom and smugness

"You can go up now."

It moved aside, smirk still wide and irritating and James hesitated noticeably before shoving his wand back into his pocket with a snarl and making his way up the stone steps, swearwords and curses echoing darkly of the stonewalls, right up to the moment when he stood outside the door to the Headmasters office. Unfortunately for him, this meeting would be far more unpleasant than the one due with Professor Dumbledore later that day.

The great James Potter swallowed with a nervousness he would never have allowed himself in public, before lifting a slightly shaking hand to knock with forced determination on the thick slab of oak.

There was no call to come in, but the door swung slowly open with a tired creak and James took a moment to calm his rather heavy breathing and unclench both his fists and his jaw. Then the smirk.

He took the four steps forward into the room and paused on the threshold, face a mask of casual calm as he surveyed the large disorderly room in a brief glance, before focusing on the figure behind the oak desk that stood in the centre of the bazar_._

MJ was reading what looked to be a long letter written in black ink, and although James cleared his throat quite loudly, her coal eyes continued to peruse the page; she neither looked up nor betrayed by even the smallest sign that she had even noticed his entrance. James waited, feeling his temper rising as she stared thoughtfully into space somewhere above his head, before continuing to read with maddening slowness. He set his teeth once more and resigned himself to the pointed snub.

Two endless minutes later, James' mother's eyes flashed suddenly to his and, for the first time, she spoke.

_"Assis-toi."_

The voice was sharp and cutting but otherwise emotionless. James felt his anger rise in response and replied just as coldly.

"I'd rather stand, thanks." He watched his mother's eyes narrow at his triple refusal, not to sit, not to speak in their more customary French, and not to allow her to dictate the rules of the meeting.

"As you wish." MJ answered in kind and sat back in Dumbledore's chair, surveying her son with forced calm. He was on the defence she noted, hidden behind a mask of iron determination. He didn't get that from her and MJ felt a pang as she recognised the expression that she had hoped to never see again. She ignored it and the inescapable fear and worry that suddenly grasped her, was pushed roughly to one side. Focus. Think of what he's done. The anger, the disgust and the disappointment. It gave her strength.

Drawing on that strength, she opened her mouth to unleash the tirade she'd been storing up for almost three weeks, a speech that would tear her son's character, education, and deportment to shreds and crush him under the rain of blows.

But he cut across her, and the unexpected cheek of his comment stunned her for a moment, before her eyes flashed in anger that suddenly grew from a spark to a burning tower of flames.

"I would have been here at ten as you asked me, but apparently Lily isn't the only one you've been teaching to be obnoxious." The comment burst from between his lips, before a moment later, he winced at his stupidity, and MJ could see just how much he regretted the childish outburst. It had been provoked by pain and jealousy but nevertheless, hearing him speak the name of the girl he'd tortured to breaking point, made MJ rise from her seat, like a goddess in her suddenly volcanic fury.

"James. Henry. POTTER! How DARE you! How dare you even speak that child's name after what you've done. Never in my entire life have I ever been so disgusted and ashamed of having brought you into the world. I wiped your arse, I changed your diapers, I even taught you everything I ever knew in Quidditch, duelling, spell casting, only to find out from my student that all of it was for an arrogant, cruel _batard _who has abused every gift ever given him! Do you have any, ANY idea how I felt when this girl poured out her heart to me, crying her eyes out over this…this…_enculé _who didn't even deserve to breath the same air as her, knowing that that lowlife, that evil twisted being, was my SON!!"

Her son winced under blow after blow that his mother threw at him in a voice rising louder and angrier with every word she spoke, until her last accusation made him look up.

She watched open his mouth, brows lowered in a frown of incomprehension as he made to question her, before his eyes widened and stared at her in stunned indignation. She waited coldly for him to dare call either her or Lily a liar, when he surprised her by remaining silent. He shut his mouth firmly and looked at her, eyes suddenly blank, the anger and hurt that had burned in them, now suddenly vanished into nothing.

It puzzled her. What had he been about to say? That it wasn't true? That he hadn't tortured the pretty redhead constantly for the past eight months? Preposterous; even Sirius hadn't denied it when she'd demanded of him if what the girl had said was true. His affirmative answer had stunned and sickened her.

She continued to glare at him, her furious gaze daring him to deny his disgusting, appalling behaviour, whilst half of her yearned for him to do so. She compromised.

"Give me one reason, James Potter, why I shouldn't call your father and have him disown, disinherit you and throw you out of this family right now."

She waited for his answer with furious impatience, praying that somehow there HAD been a cause, at least a reason, for him to hate her and hurt her so badly. She needed so much to hear him tell her that it wasn't what it sounded like, that somehow, in some small way, Lily had deserved his tormenting treatment. She wanted him to yell and scream and cry that it wasn't true, that she'd misjudged him, that she didn't know the whole story. That there had been more, much more to it than simply breaking the girls heart and sending the rest of her the same way.

But he didn't. He stood their like statue, beautiful and tall and so young, and MJ realised just how long it had been since she'd really seen him. Not for over a year in truth, he'd returned at the end of sixth year, only to leave for France the next day. Had he already been like this, she found herself wondering. Had he already changed from the laughing, mischievous boy she loved more than anything in the world, to this cold, emotionless figure before her. He spoke, softly and emotionlessly, and the words confirmed her worst nightmares.

"There isn't one."

MJ closed her eyes fighting the pain and disappointment that threatened to crush her. Then more softly.

"I'm sorry, _m'man_."

She looked up at him and felt the pang as his eyes fixed on hers, worried and filled with shame. They were so like Henry's. HE was so like Henry, and the thought almost made her cry out.

She pulled herself together, shaking her ebony head to rid her eyes of the ridiculous tears that were threatening to escape her closed lids. She had to be strong, she had fought indifference and coldness before. She would do it again. No matter how hard it was when the memories threatened to pull her under. And James, James didn't know, couldn't know. Which was why he was confused and scared even by the weakness suddenly apparent in his indomitable mother's slumped shoulders and clenched hands?

MJ met his hazel eyes, allowing only anger and disappointment to show in her own. His own face tensed, the emotions were once more carefully hidden behind that mask of stone; he waited, unflinching, for the verdict.

"Professor Dumbledore has seen fit to beg on your behalf, for a second chance to redeem yourself. He has explained to me that this chance is to be in the form of a test, a test of your maturity in giving you this position as head boy. From what he has told me, your actions on the train have encouraged him to be quietly confident that this experiment will succeed. He deems it an impressive beginning on your new, clean slate, not only in regards to defending most heroically your fellow students, but more importantly to working so admirably well with your fellow Head Lily Evans, despite your past. Though personally I feel that Miss Evans is perhaps more to be congratulated than you, James."

She took a deep breath, firmly in control and still disapproving.

"For now, I will respect Albus' decision to grant you this possibility to show us that you are not the person you were last year. But I'm telling you now, James; one word of any, ANY, problems from Lily and I swear you will be out of my house faster than you can say 'sorry'."

There was a silence, before James bent his head in one brief, swift movement. He raised his eyes once more to his mothers face and waited; the anger there was almost gone but the hesitation lingered; she obviously had more to say.

"Very well. Moving on, your father has informed me that you passed your auror training exam with a one hundred percent pass grade. It that regards at least, you have not disappointed me. You should be proud."

Another nod, accompanied with the barest softening of that dark passionless gaze.

"The presentation of your diploma as well your official introduction will take place during the Christmas holidays, at the annual Ministry Ball that coincidently enough shall this year take place _chez nous_."

MJ was pleased to see that this information finally provoked a reaction from her son, if only a faint raising of those black brows. She continued, a spark of pride warming her voice.

"The other nine students admitted to the training will of course be present, including the four that did not make the grade. You will all be presented together to the Head of the Auror department…" MJ scowled as a hint of a smirk touched her sons lips, and she raised a cold eyebrow at him in distain.

"You WILL do everything that is expected of you, James Potter, and you will be everything that is humble and respectful during your presentation, despite the fact that he is your father. Any hint that you are not taking this seriously and I will rethink my decision to refrain from informing him of the real reason behind your appointment as Head Boy."

James' wince made her sigh inwardly. They both knew that MJ's highly vocal anger would be nothing to Henry Potter's icy, unspoken disgust and disappointment in the son that resembled him so closely.

Their eyes met briefly in understanding, and Moniqua brought the rather one-sided discussion back to the subject in hand.

"Lily, of course will also be present…" The answering silence was suddenly ten degrees colder and MJ hesitated as her son's face became once more that emotionless mask.

"As the only female to succeed, and the student who gained the second highest marks after yourself, she will be the subject of an enormous amount of interest and speculation. Almost as much as you, James. You, however have been attending these functions for the last five years; Lily, on the other hand, has never been exposed to this kind of test. I must ask you, James, to put your differences with her aside. As a muggle born in a world where pure wizarding blood is still so highly prized, she will need all the help she can get."

"Her darling Sirius will be all to willing to assist her, I'm sure. As will you _m'man,_ am I right? James spoke for the first time in the past twenty minutes, cold and expressionless. There was no hint of the bitterness the words seemed to imply.

MJ sighed, looking sadly at her son, recognising the childish hint of jealousy he was so carefully trying to hide from her. He never used to do so; they would talk about anything, always honest, always direct. To see him so cold and withdrawn as he fenced with her, it was painful.

"Yes James. As always you are right, I do care about her , very much…"

He cut her off, and threw her a look of anger, hurt burning in those hazel eyes.

"So much that you taught her your new spell? The one you told me was too dangerous? That I was too young, too inexperienced to attempt it? The one that you said you'd probably never even submit for testing anyway. But Lily knew it, didn't _m'man_. She wasn't too weak, was she? Do you know what it felt like? To hear it on her lips? Not just to see her use wandless magic, _m'man_, but THAT spell? Right before my eyes? The one spell you told me I wasn't strong enough to use, you taught it to her… »

"James,.."

"No. It doesn't matter." The anger was gone, as suddenly as it had come. The mask was back on, her son replaced by this cold, harsh young man who MJ recognised only too well. The outburst was over, he had mastered himself and his emotions that would have made her proud if she'd been the one to teach him. But it had always been Henry's greatest skill. And James had acquired it, adopted it more like, and the sight of that harsh, merciless mask of stone she hated so badly, on his beautiful face, made her hands shake.

She took a heavy breath before answering once more, but his eyes were staring into space, she wasn't even sure if the words would reach him in that deserted polar region he had banished himself to.

"James, I taught it to her because she has a natural bent for healing. Far more than you or I. In another lifetime, Lily would never have been an auror; healing is her heart's calling, not fighting, and she could do far more with that spell than you or even I ever could. Her very nature, her ability to love without question and without judgement, the kindness that sets her apart; the spell was made for her, and she for it. That doesn't make her better than you, James. If anything, it makes her weaker as an auror. Only over time will she be able to acquire the cynicism, the 'kill or be killed' mentality that an auror needs."

"So you're saying I have the nature of a killer." The words bit deep despite their lack of any feeling, and MJ frowned in exasperation as she tried to make him understand.

"No James, I'm saying you are willing to do anything to protect people weaker than yourself, especially those you love. You're a leader, making the hard choice is what you do. It's something you inherited from your father, not me, but it's what makes both of you a person that people believe in, somebody whom people will follow into the gates of hell and back again. Because you will be strong for the world. Even if it kills you and people you care about. You are somebody who will make a difference, James, somebody who may just turn the tide of this war. Somebody people will love and hate in equal measure, but will never, ever be able to ignore."

The last words were a whisper, sad and soft with love and pride.

"You're destined for greatness, James; you were born to be a hero, a symbol of hope in this time of darkness. But more than any of this you are my son. And Lily will never, ever, replace you in my heart."

James finally lifted his dark head to look at her, and opened his mouth as if to say something, eyes suddenly filled with a pain that shocked MJ to the core. She stepped closer to him, and reached out a cold hand to touch his rough cheek; brown on brown, she searched his face for the cause.

"Talk to me James. You could always talk to me. What is this thing that's tearing you apart?"

For a single moment hazel met black, and he was the boy that had once come running to her, holding back rebellious tears as he showed her the arm that was hanging at an odd painful angle, after a fall of fifty feet from his broomstick. She'd shushed him, and proudly stroked his tear-free cheek as she'd healed the broken forearm. Back then, his bravery had been adorable, and she'd smiled lovingly at the seven year-old boy's fierce protesting when she'd offered to kiss it better. He'd told her scornfully that he was a big boy now, only baby's got kissed by their Mummy's. But he'd still stayed in her lap as he told her about the goal he'd scored just before falling, hazel eyes no longer full of pain, but shining with youth's excitement and resilience.

It hurt so much more now, as she watched him push back the agony, eyes hardening until she almost didn't recognise the man in front of her. He was a big boy once more, and never again would he come to her, knowing with youth's innocence, that she could make it all better. The knowledge that he was so close to adulthood made the familiar panic rise once more in her chest. She was running out of excuses now. Soon the day would come when he would have to know. She could no longer hide her baby from the pain of reality, no longer convince herself that he deserved more time in which to be free and happy and untroubled. More time to be the child that she still thought him as. The child that she could no longer truthfully call him.

As if in answer to her thoughts, he sighed soundlessly, and took her hands in a gentle loving grasp, eyes suddenly fierce.

"_Pardonne-moi, m'man. Mais cette fois, tu ne peux pas m'aider."_

MJ closed her eyes as he gently touched his lips to the middle of her forehead. Then he drew back, and she turned away. They were two adults once more, he possibly the more-so of the two. The grief MJ silently felt for the little boy that would kiss just so, every night after story time, it was pushed firmly away, and no hint of it showed in her dark eyes as she turned back to her son.

"Professor Dumbledore asked me to tell you that your Head Dormitories and Common Room are now available for your use. Lily should be waiting down below, so you may both go and discover them for yourselves, before commencing your lessons this afternoon. Albus mentioned that you would probably need no directions, but the password is 'Erised'."

James nodded, mask now firmly back in place. MJ took one last look at him; Christmas was horribly far away. For one last time she feasted her coal eyes on his tall frame, his dark beautiful face and those eyes that sometimes were frighteningly like those of another boy she'd once known. With that last burning gaze, she engraved it all into her memory, so she could keep that image of him with her throughout the long dangerous months that would pass before she would see him once more.

"I love you James. Goodbye, my son."

His eyes closed briefly and his answer was short and soft before he turned and walked out the door.

_"Moi aussi, m'man. À jamais."_

She was still standing there, staring at the door, when the tall thin figure came quietly into the room from the second door that led to the Headmaster's private chambers. She didn't look away, not even when the grey-haired man placed a gentle hand on the shoulder of her powder blue jacket, offering some small, tactful comfort to his former student and Head Girl. Gaining no response, he moved quietly and unobtrusively to the far side of the desk and sat down, surveying his hands as the long fingers touched at the tips to make a kind of bridge in front of his bushy brows.

It was some five minutes later when MJ finally stirred, meeting Dumbledore's eyes with an apology in her own. He smiled gently at her, indicating the chair beside her in an offer to listen if she needed. She sat, but made no movement to speak, and he didn't break the sad silence. The wise Professor waited patiently for his former student to decide whether she would confide her worries to him, as she had done so many times before. Finally she spoke, the words sad and self-hating.

"I should have known, should have been there to know. But I wasn't."

"You save a hundred lives a week MJ. I do not think it is fair for you to blame yourself."

"His face Albus. To see that look in his eyes…that expression…after thirty odd years… You have no idea how it's haunted me…and to see it on James' face…" Her voice was strained as she relived the memory, panic in her black eyes until Dumbledore reached across the desk to lightly grasp her arm.

"He is not Henry, MJ.

"His face…it was identical, Albus…etched in stone, cold and lost and merciless. I'd prayed that I would never see it again. And then to see James… They're so alike Dumbledore; the same strength, same genius, the same blood running through their veins. Pure wizarding untainted blood. He'll want it Albus. Now more than ever. My James…"

"He is not Henry. James is the son of two parents, MJ. Two. He is as much yours as Henry's. And not just in the fact that Henry would rather eat one of Hagrid's rock cakes, than sit on a broomstick."

The small chuckle made Dumbledore's eyes twinkle back at the dark-haired woman, before continuing.

"He is very much like his father certainly, and you should be proud of that; Henry Potter is a name that will go down in history for his bravery and strength as he pulled the wizarding population through this war. But it is your charm MJ, your humour and your smile, that wins the hearts of the entire Hogwarts population, students and teachers alike. Just as it is your hunger and passion that burn in his eyes and his heart. And may I add, that his rather remarkable temper certainly did not come from Henry either."

A laugh this time, escaping through those worried lips to echo around the room, lightening the heavy atmosphere. She smiled at her former Headmaster and now trusted friend, as she acknowledged the hit. But the smile vanished at Dumbledore's next words.

"He is exceptional MJ, and he no longer a child. He needs to be told."

Moniqua's eyes hardened and her jaw set, as the old argument was once more initiated.

"You cannot hide this from him forever. You and Henry have been lucky, thanks in a huge part to your own exceptional skills. But luck will one day run out. And you MJ, it is not your loyalty that he desires; it is your death. James needs to be warned. You came to me for help all those years ago, both of you, and for those eighteen years your luck has held. But Lord Voldemort grows stronger every day MJ, and he has not forgotten."

MJ let out a ragged breath as she turned to the thin grey-haired man behind the desk, and her voice was weary as she answered.

"I'll tell him when he turns eighteen. The day after his birthday, I'll tell him everything. But I must let him have these last, small months, Albus. These final months of peace."

The matter was obviously closed, and Dumbledore bowed his grey head in acceptance, suppressing the dread in his heart. The goodbyes were short, but even after his guest departure, Dumbledore sat behind the oak desk for many minutes, gazing into the fire with eyes that for once were without a twinkle.

* * *

Jame's mind was swirling with too many emotions to name, as he descended the stone spiral staircase. As expected, the meeting had been horribly painful; seeing that look of disappointment in his mum's eyes, however expected it had been, it was… James shuddered inwardly. He wouldn't see her again before Christmas either. Another four months before he'd get maybe a couple of days of her time, they might even be all together for Christmas this year. Then again, maybe not. It hurt. Badly.

However much James tried to hide it, he adored his mother and respected her as he respected no one else in the world. Growing up, she'd been his idol, not only for her talent on a Quidditch pitch, but in everything; her charm, the way she could light up a room with a single smile; the impatience and impulsiveness she'd passed on to him that had so often made his dad shake his head in exasperation. He loved her so much, but had long resigned himself to the fact that she wasn't and never would be, just his mother.

Being the son of two such gifted people had it's downsides too; forget siblings, James had had to deal early on with the fact that the rest of the wizarding community had a claim on his parents attention. Usually a larger claim than his.

James sighed. That wasn't fair. They'd always made the effort to be there for him, his mother had still came to every one of his Quidditch matches and his father had never missed their weekend training sessions. He was lucky, far luckier than a lot of pureblood children, who maybe met their parents five times a year. But the goodbyes still stung, as this one was stinging now.

Distraction came as he descended the last of the steps, albeit an unwelcome one. Seeing her there, standing so innocently, it suddenly reminded him of the lies she had told, and how he'd lied for the bitch, lied to his own mother to keep the redhead's secret. The unfairness made his blood boil and there was an ugly look in his hazel eyes as he glared at her, lower lip curling in disgust as he thought of their short camaraderie the day before, and how he'd almost thought about forgiving her, simply to have her back. Then to find out she'd lied like that; cried out some pathetic, sad, sob story about how HE'D broken HER heart. The nerve of the bitch! His hands were suddenly shaking and he turned away before he gave in to his sudden need to hit something.

* * *

Lily had barely been able to keep still as she'd heard his heavy footfall on the stone staircase. She hadn't seen him since that one last glimpse as she'd climbed up the stairs to the Gryffindor Girls dormitory with Emily, Jenny and Alice. Seeing her three friends again at the feast, it had been better than anything in the world. The girls had stared in stunned joy at the sight of their once broken friend, who now laughed so mischievously at them from across the table. The whole of the feast, Lily had barely been able to escape the questions and the stories for long enough to even glance at the boys sitting at the other end of the table. The Marauders were obscured entirely from view by the thirty or so girls that were pushing and squabbling in the desire to gain and hold their idol's attentions.

The fierce jealous clench in Lily's stomach had been firmly repressed and she'd succeeded in refusing to let her eyes flicker over to the noisy group, throughout the entire feast. Her friend's stories had helped enormously in keeping her mind occupied and away from a certain shaggy-headed Maruader.

Alice had led the discussion with squeals of excitement of how Frank had mentioned the M word, in front of his mother too, and her description of the famous Dragon and her reaction, had kept the girls talking animatedly for almost an hour. Alice was ecstatic, her friends were stunned before the words sunk in and they gasped and congratulated the round-faced blond with the widest smiles ever seen. The merits of blue bridesmaid's dresses over green ones were solemnly discussed, as was the question of what the ring would look like and the girls squabbled good-naturedly over who would be named Godmother of the couple's first child.

Emily was next, wickedly winding her friends up with long descriptions of the male actor's in her mum's new drama, right down to things that made Alice blush furiously, with Jenny avidly demanded more details. Talk of Keith and Jesse and ahhhh…DAVID, carried through to dessert, when the sight of the rather coincidentally named « Spotted Dick », made all four girls collapse in helpless giggles.

The Head rooms would not be available till the following day, Professor McGonagall had informed Lily, as she'd told her the password to the Gryffindor Common Room, which had suited Lily perfectly. The night had been spent laughing and joking as the four friends made the most of their first night together for two months. Lily's and Jenny's holidays had been discussed only briefly; Jenny had declared the whole thing had been a complete waste of time, as her fair skin had refused to tan or even burn, she'd snorted with mock disgust. Lily had mentioned briefly that working at Florean's Ice Cream Parlour had been fun, that Sirius had been to visit almost every day and she's had enough money to finally be able to splash out on an entire new wardrobe. Only Emily had seemed a little suspicious of this brief explanation for the red-head's sudden confidence, but she'd stayed silent, and Lily had been thankful. Moniqua, or MJ as she should really call her, had told her to, if possible, avoid any mention of the auror training she'd undergone, at least for the time being.

All in all it had been a brilliant night, apart from one thing. Since the moment she'd woken up this morning, Lily had been unable to rid herself of the strange mixture of horror and excitement at the thought that from now on, she'd be living with the boy who she both loved and loathed. The need to see him had grown exponentially as she waited, eyes slightly panicked, for the messy-haired boy to descend the stone steps that led up to the Headmaster's office.

It was worse than ever now, she reflected ruefully, the short taste of partnership from the day before stubbornly refused to leave her thoughts, and she found herself wondering, hoping, praying that maybe, just maybe, that partnership would be the first step towards something more.

During the holidays, Lily had confronted the fact that despite all her efforts, her heart still stubbornly continued to beat for the breathtakingly gorgeous arsehole who had broken her heart. Denying it, as she'd found, was futile. Just being near him made her pulse leap into overdrive and the need, the desire for him, was now a recognised feeling, ever-present under her skin and in her fingertips that ached constantly to touch him.

He had hurt her and she hated him for it, but she had finally reconciled herself to the fact that he if ever offered, she would be horribly tempted to allow him to do so all over again, because having him so close aand at the same time, not having him, it was worse than any torture Voldemort could inflict upon her.

His foot suddenly appearing on the top step of her view point, yanking out of her daydreams with a start, and a moment later, his mere presence was already causing her body to respond. She lent back against the wall, arms folded as she waited, the position carefully chosen to disguise her trembling knees and shaking hands. His legs came into view next, followed by his crutch and then torso, and finally his face. He descended the final step and for a brief moment she could only feast her eyes upon him, fists clenched hard enough to turn her knuckles white as she held them fiercely under her armpits.

* * *

He was dressed in everyday clothes and the plain black t-shirt encased his lean torso tightly enough to hint at the six-pack she remembered all to well. It was short-sleeved to top it all off, deliberately flaunting toned arms that had darkened to a shimmering bronze during the two months apart. He had grown taller too, and his shoulders were that much broader; the fitted t-shirt and casual jeans made him seem older than the Hogwarts school uniform. Older and way, way too sexy. Unconsciously she licked her lips. Definitely not a good thing.

With all these thoughts spinning through her mind, it took a few moment for her too register his expression, and when she finally met his burning furious gaze, the unexpectedness made her gasp in shock.

He was beyond angry; he was livid, she thought blankly; his eyes were had darkened with fury until they seemed almost black and a muscle twitched in that strong, lightly-stubbled jaw. She could only stare back, uncomprehending as he curled his lip in an expression of undisguised loathing that made her flinch. After yesterday, she hadn't really been sure what to expect, but it certainly hadn't been this. His face portrayed more hatred than she'd seen him show since the fateful morning itself. For once he wasn't bothering to hide his emotions and the cold, murderous look in his eyes chilled her to the core.

She hadn't had time to even gasp aloud when suddenly he was away, striding fiercely down the corridor with such a speed that he was twenty feet ahead of her before she realised he had moved. She ran to catch up with him, taking three steps to match every one of his, her small face flushed as she struggled to keep up.

Twice she opened her mouth to speak, to ask him if he knew where he was going, but each time the jeering harshness in his face made her question the wisdom of talking to him when he was as wild as this.

The speed was such that Lily gave up on paying attention to her feet and suddenly one foot hit the edge of a slab of stone that was unexpectedly higher than the rest. She gave a gasp and would have fallen heavily and very likely painfully, when suddenly an iron grip on her wrist yanked her upwards and saved her from being thrown to the ground.

She glanced up a him in surprise, and their green met hazel for a brief second before James suddenly dropped her arm as though it burned, and was off again, striding round the corner at that same brisk pace.

Lily stayed there for a second, as uncontrollable tears suddenly filled her green eyes, and she brushed them away angrily, though still careful not to smear the black mascara over her white cheeks. Silly, she berated herself fiercely, silly to think that something might have changed, that somehow he might hate her a little less. She needed to get a hold of herself, she'd been taught better than this. And she'd promised. Green emeralds flashed at the memory; she'd sworn to Moniqua, that never again would James Potter see her cry.

The deep breaths helped, and when she rounded the corridor, there was nothing in her face to show the dull ache in her heart as she wondered how she would ever find the way, now James had disappeared.

The tall figure suddenly standing in front of her made her jump and she gaped open-mouthed as James Potter stood there in silence, face blank as he waited for her to catch up. Lily stared at him, conscious of the feeling of gratitude that must have been obvious in her green eyes as she walked quickly to his side, but he said not a word. He turned and continued to lead the way, though noticeably a little slower than before.

* * *

James finally drew to an abrupt halt in front of a portrait of a man who seemed to being standing in front of a full-length mirror, framed in gold, that strangely enough seemed to throw back no reflection. The dark-haired boy stepped closer and Lily waited, a pace behind, for him to speak the unknown password. Inwardly her heart leapt at the thought, suddenly realising that it was the first time she would hear his voice since the night before.

The rich chocolaty tones made Lily sigh unconsciously in longing, as they echoed softly around the empty corridor, sending tingles up her spine. Yet again, her tongue slipped out to wet her lips, as she fought to suppress the feelings that were suddenly waging war with her self-control. Damn that velvet voice that could still make her go weak at the knees.

"Erised."

The small gaunt man seemed to wince at the single, softly-spoken word, but he nodded, and the portrait swung slowly open on rusty hinges, and one after the other, boy and girl stepped into the brightly lit room.

It was completely round, Lily noticed through her excitement, they had to be in one of the smaller towers, and it was PERFECT. There was a great stone fireplace that was already roaring happily away on one side of the room. The carpet was soft and a deep, cheery, crimson, to match the huge appealing-looking cushions on the leather sofa, obviously reflecting the Heads Students mutual house pride. The sofa and two armchairs were placed near the fire, separated by two small identical coffee tables, of heavy slightly worn oak, to match the larger table on the other side of the room and the four chairs surrounding it. Further away there was a huge gold-rimmed window, curving outwards, to form a window seat, that was also decorated with the same plush velvet cushions as the six-seater sofa.

Lily could only smile stupidly as she surveyed the cosy, comfortable room happily. Already she could see them here; her curled up at the end of the sofa with a favourite book, James lounging at the window that rather coincidently looked out over the vast Quidditch Pitch. It suited them, both of them. There was a glass case filled with models of different broomsticks by the fireplace, and Lily didn't have to look to know that James was already eyeing it up discreetly. There was a snitch it there too, and Lily smiled inwardly, wondering if Dumbledore was taking the mick. Every student in seventh year knew how James had famously stolen the school snitch two years ago, transforming it into his favourite toy.

There was a massive bookcase too and Lily's green eyes widened in excitement as she realised that many of them were muggle novels. Titles leapt out at her from the past; Pride and Prejudice, The Just So Stories, the Brother Cadfael omnibuses. There was even her all time favourite, 'These Old Shades', as well as it's follow up, 'Devils Cub'. Period novels, these two books were like gold to Lily; after borrowing them from the public library, she'd spent years keeping her eyes peeled for the rare, little-known manuals. The told the story of her childhood heroine, Léonie, a spirited, brave and cheeky imp from the backstreets of Paris who comes to love the wealthy, womanising Duke of Avon. Lily loved the story for it's romance and because the pretty French girl, like Lily herself, had a flaming temper to match her rich, copper curls.

Suddenly feeling warm and content, she turned to James with an irrepressible smile, forgetting in her pleasure that he was still ready to murder her.

The cold look of distain he sent her way, brought the red-head back to earth with thump, and the smile slid of her face as his eyes burned a hole through her face and her heart. He didn't even bother to conceal the hatred he clearly felt.

It hurt, and all at once she felt her own temper rising; he had no right to ruin this for her. This was her day of triumph, why shouldn't she smile and be happy. How dare he bring her down from her cloud nine.

He turned away and made to walk towards one of the three doors built into the wall across the room, and for some reason it enraged her even more. She stepped after him, eyes blazing in sudden fury as she demanded furiously

"What? What is it, what the hell have I done NOW to infuriate the great James Potter?! Dammit you arrogant, pig-headed git!! When are you going to stop having these bloody temper tantrums, and simply tell me what I've done to piss you off once more!"

She caught her breath, cheeks flushed in anger, fists clenched as she fought to keep them by her side.

He turned around, haughty and outwardly nonchalant, but she could see the answering anger burning in those hazel orbs as he walked towards her.

He stopped centimetres in front of her, eyes flashing dangerously as his words were hissed through gritted teeth.

"Why I'm angry Evans? I don't know, you tell me. Could it be because not only did you stoop low enough to spilling out my reputation to my MOTHER, but you actually had the nerve to spew some twisted, tearful, bawling bunch of lies/sob-story, about me bloody breaking your heart! I couldn't even believe it when she said that, Evans. One, that you actually lied to her, after she helped you so much, and two, that you passed off YOUR bloody crime onto me! Didn't tell her about the bet did you, red? Didn't mention the fact that you shagged your teacher's son just for fifty fucking galleons, did you!! How dare you, Evans!! How dare you even talk about fucking heartbreak!!"

Through his anger, and hurt, he didn't even register the fact that Lily was now white as a sheet, and trembling from head to foot. Nor did he notice her green eyes, suddenly wide with horror as she realised the depths of her mistake. is voice lowered, icy and smooth as silk.

"So don't you ever, EVER, make me lie for you again, Evans! Yeah, I told my mother it was true, that I broke your heart and I let her believe that every thing that happened after, if was for no fucking reason. Consider it an apology, for taking it just that little bit too far last year. But don't you ever ask me for any thing again, Evans. I don't even want you near me. Right now, I can barely stand the sight of you."

He stopped breaths coming fast, and he closed his eyes, fighting for his self-control. When he opened them, his smirk was already securely in place. His hazel eyes laughed jeeringly into her and he leaned closer in that hateful way that gave her goose bumps every time, the words softly and silky across her cheek.

"But trust me, Lily, you will regret crying that load of bull onto my mums shoulder. That I swear."

He turned and strode into his room, and the door with the words, James Potter written in Gold italic, was slammed shut behind him.

* * *

The sound seemed to echo round the room and through Lily's dazed brain, that was still hopelessly trying to make sense of what she'd heard. She sunk slowly to the leather sofa, knees suddenly unable to support her weight, as the horror of what had happened finally began to sink in.

Of course she'd lied, but James was wrong, horribly, terribly wrong. It was to him, him and the rest of the school she'd lied to really, only he could never know that. In the warm comfort of Moniqua's arms, Lily remembered all to well how her pain had gradually eased as she spilled out her woes or most of them to her mentors supporting shoulder. It had felt so liberating, so blissful to finally tell somebody at least some of the truth, to confess to someone just how badly he torn her heart to pieces that night. And the rest of the school would never meet Moniqua Monroe, how could they? Her secret would still be safe, but one person at least would know her heartbreak, and would never know the lie she'd told over and over again to the rest of the world.

But of course, fate had once again foiled her perfect plans, by making her mentor, her agony aunt, James Potter's mother. No wonder he must hate her a thousand times more now. But to tell him the truth, it was unthinkable. All she could do was admit he was right; she'd poured out a bunch of disgusting lies to her teacher, leading her to be furious with her son. Sitting on that sofa, staring at he door with her nemesis' name taunting her in gold letters, Lily thought she might just give up. It had gotten so far out of hand, and she'd hurt him all over again, only this time she truthfully hadn't wanted to. But he could never know that.

She stayed there without moving, for over an hour, eyes staring blindly, heart silently weeping as she realised that now, all hope of reconciliation was now gone forever. His loathing of her would now be justified, and that knowledge threatened to crush her.

But it didn't. Moniqua's training was too strong to be ignored and almost unconsciously, she pulled herself together finally, as a glance at her watch indicated that their first lesson would be starting in ten minutes time. She rose to her feet and threw her bag over her shoulder, suddenly panicking as she realised that she had potions first, and that it took time to make her way down into the dark dungeons. Roughly ten minutes of time.

She was at the portrait hole when something stopped her and she hesitated, glancing towards the words 'James Potter', and back to the portrait hole once more. A voice in the back of her mind screamed at her to GO; he sure as hell didn't want to speak to her, and she would be late if she didn't leave now. So what if he missed first lesson; it had never bothered him before.

Lily chewed at her lip without moving. He might have fallen asleep, or lost track of time in his anger with her. Plus it wasn't a very good beginning. As Heads they would have to work together, like it or not, and if they had to be united, she had to start somewhere.

Finally she spun on her heel and walked nervously over to the rather imposing door, already thinking to herself that this was a very very bad idea. She knocked, gently at first and then more loudly when there was no sound from the other side.

Frowning slightly, she looked back towards the portrait hole; James would certainly kill her for entering his room uninvited and she was already looking to be almost five minutes late, but still, leaving now, when she'd come so far, it seemed rather cowardly. She bit her lip once more before squaring her petite shoulders and determinedly turning the round, gold doorknob.

Nothing happened. Lily frowned. Had he locked it behind him? There was no keyhole, that she could see. And jamming it shut with a deck or a chair seemed a little extreme, even for James.

Puzzled she bent down to frown at the doorknob, turning it in front of her eyes to see whether it had somehow jammed. It was then that she noticed a tiny picture engraved into the smooth metalwork, so small that you had to be a fingers distance away to actually see it.

She ran the tip of one white finger over shining the gold, tracing the outline as she tried to work out what it depicted. To her surprise it seemed to be some kind of flower, carved into the round knob in minute detail that seemed impossible for a human hand.

She bent closer, squinting as she moved her head so that the tiny image caught the light, and her mouth opened in surprise as the sunlight picked out the smaller details.

"It's…a lily." she breathed, in confusion, and, almost in answer there was a faint click, and the door swung silently open under her bemused gaze.

She stood up, biting her lip once more in hesitation, before calling softly into the room

"Potter… Potter, class is starting in three minutes and we're down in the down in the dungeons."

No answer. For a moment Lily simply stood there, not comprehending. She'd watched him walk in here. Then her brain caught up and her eyes darkened in anger as she understood what the idiot was doing. He was ignoring her, the bloody prat, and she wasn't in the mood.

Lily walked smartly though the door, eyes flashing as she turned her head, searching for the messy head that she expected to see lounging somewhere, probably with a dumb smirk on his face in having succeeded in making her late on her first day.

He wasn't there. The room was empty, at least of any human life, and Lily stared blankly, half expecting him to jump out from behind the bed with a loud BOO!

She took a step forward, head turning back and forth as she searched for possible hiding places, but there were none. The huge four-poster bed stood majestically against one wall, with rich crimson pillows and blankets, decorated with tiny patterns of gold. She moved closer, now curious despite herself and smiled in childlike delight as she realised they were tiny embroided snitches, thousands of them, zooming back and forth across the crimson velvet.

Lily looked around the room once more, curiosity now filling her entirely as small items leapt out at her, raising hundred of questions in her mind about why they were obviously important to James. The need to suddenly find out more about him, it was overwhelming, and finally triumphed over the dread of being found here that still gnawed in the back of her mind.

The huge, richly decorated fan spread over one wall, for example; it seemed strangely out of place in the room of a teenage pureblood boy. As did the muggle football sitting on the large intricately carved walnut desk, next to the familiar school trunk. There was a model of a muggle racing car too, being used as a paperweight as it sat on what looked like a blank piece of scrap parchment. She moved closer and picked up a small white-rimmed mirror, smiling slightly as she remembered him always carrying it around with him when they were going out. She'd thought it odd at the time, because he never seemed to look in it. James had laughed and said that he did his best to hide his arrogance and vanity whenever he was around her. The memory caused a slight pang as she replaced it carefully where it was.

A guitar sitting by the impressive bed, caught her eye too and she was puzzled; he didn't actually play, did he? So many questions she longed to ask, so many stories behind each and every item, it was almost intoxicating and she want badly to ignore the alarm bells still ringing silently in her head. She shouldn't be here.

She shook her head and turned to leave, before something stopped her in her tracks. She hadn't seen it as she'd came in; it was attached to the stone wall right beside the door; a large, cork, pin board, covered entirely with photos and letters and a few small objects, all obviously stuck on by magic. In seemed to draw her in and her curiosity took her over as she saw that a green t-shirt had placed over one side of the notice board.

Lily frowned. It was too deliberately placed to have been casually thrown there. It was almost as if the fabric had been used to cover up something, but even that was strange. If James hadn't wanted something on here, surely he would have simply removed it.

She hesitated, nervously chewing her lip once more, before she realised her white hand was already creeping towards the green material without her realising. Only a quick peep; it couldn't hurt surely.

"Didn't anyone ever tell you that curiosity killed the cat."

The hand was snatched back, and guilt was written all over Lily's white face and she spun round to the owner of the voice with scared eyes. Then her jaw dropped.

* * *

James smirk was more arrogant than ever as he watched her mouth fall open and her eyes widen, at the sight of him. He raised a brown hand to brush his wet hair out of his eyes and his smirk grew, as her stricken gaze followed the movement with agonised eyes.

The water from his hair was dripping constantly down his bare torso, glistening as each tear-like drop snaked over muscle, again and again, before disappearing into the white towel round his waist. He'd been horrified to find her in his room, as he'd walked through the hidden door that joined the bedroom to the luxurious Heads bathroom. Still shaking with anger, he'd decided to cool off in the Olympic sized swimming pool, laughing like a child again as he played with all the perfumes and bubbles. And then to come back and find her in front of that bloody notice board, fingers mere inches away from lifting the t-shirt he'd furiously placed to hide what he still couldn't face seeing.

He's panicked, but the sight of her almost fainting with desire in front of him, it had brought back his good humour. He was in control once more, and she was to busy concentrating on his abdominal muscles to worry about some green t-shirt.

A pink pointed tongue crept out to wet those even pinker lips and he frowned inwardly. Damn, he'd forgotten how tempting she looked when she did that, but his own lust was still firmly under control, unlike the girl's in front of him.

She suddenly stared at him straight in the eye, face flushing instantly with embarrassment, and the impression of déjà vu hit him painfully somewhere in his chest. But she was thinking the same thing, he could see it in her eyes, and he was still stronger. He could overcome this pain and use it.

* * *

The smirk belonged to the devil, Lily thought vaguely as he moved with that damnable catlike grace towards her, his...gulp...very wet, very firm, brown body glinting slightly as the small streams of water caught the light. She swallowed again as he got closer, too close, DEFINITELY too close! She edged away from the proximity, still stubbornly holding his gaze as she ignored the small detail that she was going to pass out any second now from hyperventilating.

He was right in front of her once more, so that his smooth bronze neck was at her eye line, and she watched fascinated as one particular drop, slid down his adam's-apple to nestle in the small crevice of his collar bone. Was it normal to be envying a drop of water? , she wondered rather dazedly.

Lily's pupils dilated as he lifted a brown finger and collected that same drop she was staring at, on the very tip. Her breath caught as he carried it to his lips and licked the digit dry with a sensuality that made her own tongue slip out yet again to wet her own lips in yearning.

The movement seemed to wind him up for some reason; a flash of something crossed his dark mocking eyes before it was gone. The smirk was back, he was back, back in complete control and it annoyed her. But annoyance was suddenly strangely unimportant as he moved closer yet again, and yet again she moved back nervously. Forward. Back. Forward. Back.

He suddenly leaned his face towards her and she visibly gulped; his lips were so close to hers that merely speaking made them brush each other, but so far away that she yearned for him to close the gab. They opened tantalisingly, and she realised that he was speaking in a soft voice that shook slightly with suppressed laughter.

"Later, Evans."

Green eyes widened as suddenly the oak door was swung shut in her face, and she stood there, open-mouthed before her temper suddenly roared into life. Eyes blazing at his despicable mind tricks, the way she hadn't even noticed him backing her out of the room, his parting double entendre!! Argh! She kicked the oak door with a furious foot, snarling at him through the door as she strode to the portrait hole and yanked it roughly open

"Never in a millions years, you arrogant, perverted, piece of SHIT!!!" The little man in the picture fell over in astonishment as the portrait was slammed closed behind her, but she didn't notice. She marched towards the staircase, fuming inwardly, with James Potter's mocking laughter still ringing in her ears.

* * *

**Well? Thoughts, questions, complaints, theories…They're all welcome. Please please please do, because I love reading about how certain things are coming across and whether people are close to understanding the little hints for the future. Complaints too, I'm only an amateur writer and any critism is definitely welcome. **

**Oh yeah, translations for those who want them:**

**_Assis-toi._ Sit down**

**_Batard/ enculé _Any kind of swearword really, bastard, git, arsehole, take your pick :)**

**_Chez nous_ at our place**

**"_Pardonne-moi, m'man. Mais cette fois, tu ne peux pas m'aider." _ Forgive me mother, but this time, there's nothing you can do to help me.**

****

_"Moi aussi, m'man. À jamais."_ Me too, mother. Always.

After that, oh yeah, an explanation about the books Lily mentions. They happen to be two of my favourites (there's a surprise) and they actually inspired at lot of sides of my characters of Lily and James; there personnalities, turns of phrase, etc.. So to anyone who's interested, I highly recommend them as I do all of the other book written by Georgette Heyer. She's a big big favourite of mine. :)

**Anyway to sum it up, R&R!!!!!!!!!**

**Lots an lots and lots (x10^1000) of love to all my readers**

**Lili**

**xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx**

**PS: Very recently I finally managed to actually put up my profile (yes yes I know, it's about time) so if anyone feels up to reading a little bit about me as well as some background on the story, well it's there for you to sneak a peak at lol.**

* * *


	11. Chapter 11

**Heya there people!!! Yes, yes, I know another ridiculously long chapter is what you're all thinking, but as hopefully you will see, there just wasn't anything to cut out of this one. Everything had to stay and therefore the length had to remained at over 9000 words, for which I apologise to those who don't like long chapters, and pat myself on the back for those who DO lol.**

**I will warn you now there is a lot of developments in this chapter, some more subtle than others BUT all of them have a role to play, so anyone guilty of skip reading over any sentence with out the words James and Lily, do read the rest of it, if only the once lol. ****J**

**Errrrrrm apart from that…? Not a lot really apart from the usual begging for comment, compliment and critics. Pretty pretty please lol, and for that you know what to do I'm sure ;)**

**R&R!!!!!!!!**

* * *

All Over Again: Chapter 11

_"Say it James..." More gasps of pleasure, another harsh, heavy groan and a growl escaping from the back of a smooth brown throat. But no answer._

_"Say it." Sharper this time, harsher, more desperate. Surely from the steadily building need, to have him, to possess him once and for all. And it made a glimmer of hope flicker treacherously in her breaking heart. Don't say it. Please. Please don't. She could take it all, forgive anything. Anything but those words. The words he'd avoided, the three little syllables he'd so carefully refrained from ever pronouncing, with a smooth dexterity that she hadn't even noticed until he'd given her hope. Fatal, treacherous hope. Please._

_Another gasp, synchronised breaths coming faster and faster, until the moans escalated into one final scream of agonising ecstasy._

_"James!" White lids squeezed tight over tears that still escaped to spill down whiter cheeks, and a short sharp breath caught in heartbreak as his voice betrayed both her and him, more unbearably beautiful even than in her naïve, lovesick imagination.._

_"I love you!"_

* * *

Standing in front of her full-length mirror, allowed herself a small, satisfied smile. She'd waited two days for this, two days of nerves and lip-biting and almost chickening out, until her three friends had politely informed her that she would be going through with the plan, whether she liked it or not. The memory brought another, softer smile to her face. Alice's horrified expression as she'd explained the incident through gritted teeth, pacing back and forth across the seventh year girl's dormitory. Jenny's disbelief giving way to righteous indignation at her cousin's dastardly behaviour. And of course, Emily's eyes lighting up in sadistic anticipation as she outlined the plan for revenge. James Potter was going down.

She laughed too thinking of her friends' looks of disgust as she mentioned the slight problem being that the mere presence of the hatefully gorgeous git made her lose all control of her functions, both bodily and mentally. There had been a dark silence, before all three had girls rounded on her, eyes sparkling with feministic fury and outrage, as they chastened her for allowing such a small important detail to stand in her way. The blushing confession to trembling knees and stuttering heartbeat every time he looked at her, was summarily brushed aside by Jenny's sparkling eyed declaration that James Potter would be a puddle in the middle of the Great Hall by the time they were through. But first, a strategic retreat. It was necessary, Emily had informed her, to lull the enemy into a false sense of security. Let the prat think his oozing pectoral muscles had effectively turned her brain to mush, make him think that she was almost at her wits end. And then, when he least expected it, Strike!

And today was coincidently the day 'the Strike' would take place. For the last two days, Lily had played her role of the submissive and embarrassed wet blanket to perfection, allowing the flush to rise every time he deliberately brushed close enough to touch, or allowed those dammed eyes to linger shamelessly on her slim form. In every lesson she'd successfully stayed as far away as possible from the school Golden Boy, thanks in large part to the constant presence of all four Marauder Fan-clubs, the members of which seemed determined to make up for the past two months of absence of their idols, by sticking to them like glue.

It had certainly helped, Lily had grudgingly admitted when Emily had smirked as her friend sent yet another death glare to the giggling swarm of airheads; for either the twentieth or twenty-first time in the past hour, the black-haired girl had pointed out mockingly.

Okay, sure, the constantly surrounding groupies made it difficult for her nemesis to harass her, but it also made her habitual hobby of sneaking glances across the room at him, equally impossible. Plus the overwhelming urge to poke each and every one of the girls' eyes out with her own three-inch high heels, was getting increasingly difficult to ignore.

But the day was finally here, and, turning her burnished head slightly so the sunlight caught the vibrant strands, Lily knew that today, revenge would, hopefully, be oh so sweet.

* * *

In the Great Hall, the student body happily babbled or moaned to friends and acquaintances about what the day would bring. Each table was almost full, first lessons started at nine and the great golden timepiece hanging impressively on the wall above the teachers dais, indicated that it was already half past eight, a relatively late hour for most to begin gorging themselves in readiness for the day ahead. However to most of the teenagers present in the vast vaulted room, there was still something missing, and almost every female in the room was discreetly observing out of the corner of their eye, the empty, silent space in the very centre of Gryffindor table.

Four seats sat, innocently unoccupied, and over seventy pairs of eyes watched them in impatience and longing. Even the teachers were aware of the absence, the complete silence from that famous square meter of table, was a blissful relief that could only last so long, and yet every professor hoped to see those seats filled before breakfast was over. The Marauders in class on an empty stomach was a trial none of them looked forward to with anything but misgiving.

One professor in particular was thinking darkly of her first lesson with the Gryffindor and Ravenclaw Seventh years. As the clock sneaked closer to nine, Minerva McGonagall's black brows descended until they almost touched the bridge of her nose, in a hawk like glare that left most of the students present hoping devoutly that that look was not aimed at themselves. Her mouth became a thin line, perfectly parallel to the heavy wooden table she was sitting at, when suddenly, as if in answer to her thoughts, the huge ironclad oak doors swung majestically open, and the Hogwarts Great Hall fell instantly into a complete silence that every teacher couldn't help but envy.

Every eye turned to gaze on the four figures in the doorway, their expression ranging from disapproval, to amusement and most commonly, a rather discontenting expression of blank adoration that seemed to have suddenly appeared on the faces of every girl over thirteen years of age. Three of the few exceptions did permit rather evil smirks to cross their faces, but neither Alice, Jenny or Emily allowed themselves to stare for longer at the boys, lest their mocking looks of anticipation accidentally warn the object of their friend's payback that today, he was in for a shock. Instead they simply rolled their eyes in distain at the girls who now resembled weirdly enough, a large pack of blond, brunette or black-haired little lapdogs, all staring as though hypnotised at the four boys standing like the four musketeers between the open doors.

They stepped forward in unison and Hogwarts itself seemed to sigh in relief as the Marauders finally made their entrance. For a brief moment they lingered there, a meter inside the doorway, four pairs of eyes surveying the crowd with expressions bizarrely different from one face to another.

* * *

Of course it was James who broke the spell first; the official leader of the famous gang swaggered forward, eyes roaming the Ravenclaw table for one vaguely familiar face. He soon found it; Jennifer Backbone's muddy brown eyes were staring at him like a starved dog in front of a juicy bone, so tense in her seat that her knees were already flexed in hope as his allowed his trademark mark to grace his fine features and nodded, in a sign of approval. It was all the mousy-haired girl needed, and as James Potter made his nonchalant way to the seat he had claimed in fourth year as his and his alone, the head of his loyal fan club trotted at his heels, followed by the other twenty or so members.

Sirius Black was, as ever, next in line behind his messy-haired friend, and thirty or so other girls suddenly tensed in readiness as he stepped forward, everyone on the edge of her seat as they waited, drooling slightly for a similar signal of permission. It didn't come. To the _Sirius Black Association's_ horror, their idol stalked to his seat beside James, with his customary arrogant grace, nose held haughtily in the air as he stared stoically ahead and refused to meet any of the eyes gaping at him in dismay. A few even moved to follow of their own accord, but a look at his expression cowed even the bravest of them, his beautiful lips were thinner than those of his favourite teacher, and his flashing eyes seemed to dare anyone to come near.

Remus watched him go, wishing tiredly that he could do the same. However, the gaunt werewolf's greatest weakness was a particularly strong conscience that almost always popped up to interfere with any plan to gratify his own desires. He couldn't quite bring himself to watch for the third time that week, as fifteen or so faces would fall in unison; his guilt at their sad disappointment would niggle him, he knew. Which was why, with a weary, sardonic sigh, he nodded grudgingly towards the hopeful looking Samantha Moonbeam, even suppressing the wince as her squeal of delight screeched across the silence like nails on a blackboard. The others soon followed her lead and Remus resigned himself to the half hour ahead where he would feel obliged to kindly and politely listen to the girl's gabbling nonsense. Sometimes, he thought, life would be so much easier if he had an ounce of Sirius' heartlessness.

Peter on the other hand had no such qualms, and his pale blue eyes raked the Hufflepuff eagerly for the six or seven airheads that for some reason unknown to most, had decided that he was their one and only love. He winked cheekily at them and they rushed over with giggles of delight, babbling away happily at him as he completed the foursome, looking, to his friends' amusement, extremely pleased with himself.

The Marauder Space was finally complete, and after a slight pause, the noise level swiftly regained it's former loudness before rising even higher, largely due to the cluster of squabbling females vying for the eight or so seats around their idols. Laughs and giggles accompanied every word a Marauder spoke and a few of the saner people in the room were reduced to constantly wincing as they screeched like a mob of crows. Most however ignored the pandemonium; it had after all been going on for over three years now, and if the small, unsuspecting first years stared in open shock towards the table, no one in the room was stupid enough voice a comment or complaint.

Questioning a Marauders actions lead invariably to being pranked severely and comprehensively in a manner that would discourage any other to follow their lead. All in all, normality returned to the Hogwarts Breakfast Hour, and if a certain redhead was still absent from the proceedings only one other person noticed the fact and continued to await her arrival with impatience. The Hogwarts population filled it's belly in peace.

* * *

Peace however was not the word that first sprang to mind observing the expression on the chiselled features of a certain black-haired Marauder. Sirius Black was not happy; a fact made rather obvious by the harsh look of cold, angry distain that curled his lip and creased his brown forehead. The very scary aura of darknes that seemed to be coming off him in waves, could also have been a slight give-away.

Remus and Peter exchanged discreet, worried glances but otherwise gave no outward indication that they had even noticed the young Adonis' black mood, stuffing their faces quietly with their eyes determinedly fixed on the plates in front of them, only raising them to answer some stupid pointless question from one of their adoring fans. They hadn't seen Sirius in this state in years; since the incident with Snape and the resulting discussion with the Headmaster Sirius rarely allowed his very frightening temper to get the better of him, with a level of maturity that had stunned the boys who knew him best. But the memories of past tantrums made them hold their tongues; a Sirius Black, as angry as he was now, could turn invariably very nasty. Habitually James was the only one bold enough to even approach Sirius when he looked as he did now, eyes gleaming like shards of ice and that telltale muscle in his jaw twitching in the place of his usual dimple. But of course habitually, James wasn't the cause.

The reason, in fact, as to why the Hogwarts heartthrob was sitting in his seat looking ripe for murder, was because his friend, his brother, his twin separated at birth, was refusing to tell him, HIM; something that Sirius Black was determined to know. And when Sirius wanted something he would invariably get it, by any means necessary.

Something had happened; that much was blindingly obvious, even to one didn't happen to have an IQ of over one-fifty. That James continued to stubbornly insist the contrary was an insult, both to his intelligence and their friendship. The mere thought made Sirius scowl darkly at the boy sitting next to him, flirting with three girls at once, seemingly oblivious to his friends black fury. The dog in him growled under his breath. Did James really think he was that stupid?

The messy-haired boy had, without warning, abandoned the half-hearted attempt at not talking to his brother, for having neglected to mention the small detail that his mother and his ex were now bosom buddies. But Sirius knew James like the back of his hand, and both were fully aware that this fits of the sullens was simply a childish way of showing his hurt and jealously at being the last to know. Another day or two and the thing would have been over, gone as swiftly as it had came, but Sirius had been extremely surprised to say the least when, without warning, his own betrayal was suddenly completely forgotten, and all of James' hatred and fury was redirected to the girl he'd worked with so successfully the day before.

Sirius was, for once at a loss. That evening in the boys familiar dormitory, he'd been almost willing to bet good money on the fact that his two loved ones were finally on the road to putting aside their past differences, possibly even realising their ever-constant need for the other. James had nonchalantly mentioned that Lily had duelled quite well, and had even admitted to admiration as he eyed the faint pink line that was the only sign of the injury he had sustained in the fighting. Her bravery and skill had not been touched on, but Sirius had been surprised to have gained even this much from his notoriously stubborn friend. Perhaps this was going to be easier that he'd thought.

And then, quite suddenly, the very next day the James/Lily war was back with a vengeance. The malicious look in those hazel eyes every time he looked at the redhead was one Sirius recognised all too well. James was back into full-out Lily-loathing mode, and the sudden unexpected turn around had stumped Sirius Black more than he would ever admit to.

Lily's behaviour had been an equally huge shock. For most of the day she was as confident and sparkling as ever but for some strange reason, she became completely subdued as soon as the Marauders entered the room. More often than not she fled all together, seemingly in an attempt to avoid the cruel, caustic comments and smirking taunts that James threw at her at every available opportunity. To begin with Sirius had been frantically worried that Lily had gone back to how she was before, and he had been half way through an urgent missive to MJ, when he realised that this quiet, shy Lily only appeared as soon as the Marauders came into sight, disappearing instantly as they did. It puzzled him, the way it all seemed an act, a mask for the boys' benefit but it had also awakened his curiosity, and so he'd watched his angel from afar, respecting her obvious wish to avoid any member of the famous group with good grace, trying his best to hide the bad mood his angel's absence invariably put him in.

But missing Lily was the very least of his worries; nothing compared to the outrage, the insult, the BETRAYAL of James' refusal to tell him what had happened to set the pair off again. This, Sirius flashed silently, was unpardonable, ridiculous, unthinkable, and as James had continued to refuse to spill the beans, Sirius had steadily become more and more homicidal. How dare he?! They told each other everything; from all the gruesome details of Sirius' first shag, right down to James highly embarrassing memory for his pitiful first attempt at riding a broom. There simply WERE no secrets between the pair. None. Zilch. AUCUN! Which was why this obvious change from normality had brought on Sirius' biggest fit of the sulks his friends had seen in over two years?

It was lasting too, much to Remus' frustration and slight anxiety. James and Sirius never fought; the only time they had ever spent longer than two days not talking to each over was after Sirius' horrifying betrayal in fifth year. The night it had seemed that, the Marauders were over once and for all. Any other spats had lasted a mere matter of hours; the duo were far too inseparable to let a silly thing like wanting to punch the other's guts out to get in the way of more important things, such as pranking Snape, flirting with girls and altogether ruling the school.

But this time, two days later Sirius' tantrum was still going strong, as was James' stubborn denial, and neither showed any sign yet of abating. Of course, Sirius' reaction was always a little exaggerated when it came to his blood brother and his angel, but nevertheless, Remus thought wearily to himself, this was getting ridiculous.

And James wasn't exactly helping either, he huffed silently, as the leader of their group, attempting and succeeding to appear completely oblivious to Sirius' death glares. The werewolf shook his head exasperation as James tried once more to draw, provoke and coax his friend into the conversation, seemingly unperturbed by the biting retorts that occasionally broke Sirius' stony silence. All in all, it was going to be a fun morning, Remus sighed to himself.

Sirius's arms were folded insolently in front of him and his violet eyes were sparkling militantly at James latest attempt to talk to him, when suddenly a small white hand gently tapped him on his broad shoulder.

For a split second, the school womaniser's eyes lit up with pure, childish excitement as he spun round to greet his angel who was probably the one person in the world he actually wanted to talk to at that moment. His frown had gone, the smile of welcome almost in place when he met the eyes of the newcomer and abruptly his face fell with ludicrous disappointment, as washed-out blue looked back at him instead of the vibrant emerald he been expecting. All at once, his expression darkened until Sirius' face was blacker than his name.

Matilda Sanderson was standing behind his chair, hand still outstretched with a pitiful mixture of hope and adoration on her pale pointy face, but at her idol's expression, it blanched visibly and the carefully prepared words died on her lips.

« Hey, Sirius, erm…we were wondering, if maybe we…could… »She stopped, her eyes widening in very real fear.

The fire in Sirius' eyes was close to demonic, as disappointment turned into a black rage and pushed him over the edge he'd been so close to for the past few days. The silence was spine chilling; all three Marauders, as well as the groupies hanging on their every word, they all turned to watch warily what would come next. Remus' was half off his seat, only James' brief glance at him at kept him from laying a calming hand on his friends arm, but James was well aware that right now, physical contact would only initiate his friend's fury. He watched as Sirius rose slowly and elegantly to his feet, and automatically his hand clenched tighter around the wand he was gripping silently under the table. If Sirius made a move, James, both as Head Boy and Sirius's best mate, would be there to stop it. Both for the girl's sake and to protect, as he had done many times before, his furious friend from the consequences of his temper.

It was at precisely that moment when providence intervened in the form of the entrance of a latecomer, and instinctively, all eyes turned to the small figure standing in the great arched doorway. She stepped forward, straight into the bright beam of sunlight streaming through one of the many glass windows, and as one, three hundred jaws dropped, and Sirius Black smiled a gleaming, appreciative smile.

* * *

Walking through that door was like walking into a nightmare. Just as she'd know and yet still dreaded, every eye was suddenly trained on her as Lily stepped elegantly into the Great Hall, blinded momentarily by the sudden burst of sunlight that warmed her left cheek and set her fiery head alight. She silently thanked Moniqua for the thousandth time, realizing that her poise was such that nobody noticed her trembling hands and knocking knees, as she surveyed the vast vaulted space with total outward calm. Perfect. Everyone was looking at her. It was time for the games to begin.

One, two three; TOSS. The mane of scarlet was deftly thrown over her shoulder, flashing in the sun like an arrogant spray of liquid gold, and the grin gleamed of it's own accord as one hundred pairs of males eyes followed the movement with agonised expressions. The next step was all at once child's-play, and the all-important smirk spread over her face as smoothly as silk, as she felt the long forgotten pleasure of feeling and looking fab. Right there, right then, she knew, one hundred percent that she could do this, and her eyes flickered to where her three friends sat looking smug as she sent them a quick glance of gratitude. They'd been right. She could sooooo do this. And she was definitely going to enjoy it.

Her green eyes found him of their own accord, it was instinctive by now; he was like a magnet, the sun she seemed to orbit around like a redheaded planet. And even before her eyes met his, she could feel his gaze upon her, scorching as it raked over her entire body. Emerald met hazel, and the well-know shiver lightly touched her spine as those orbs of molten gold burned into hers, for once rendered completely open and readable by shock. Her smirk widened and in answer his expression darkened. Even at this distance, his gritted teeth and clenched, white-knuckled fists were apparent and they sight made the swoop of victory warm her stomach.

The feeling of elation gave her a new sense of mischief and, playing on the success of her first attack, she threw down the gauntlet once more. Lily raised a small hand to her waist and closed one sparkling eye in a deliberate wink that made the twenty or so girls around the Marauders, gasp at her impudence.

Her heart soared to cloud nine as, uncontrollably his teeth closed around his full lower lip, biting the pink flesh as his the fire in his eyes burned even fiercer, and she almost gasped with triumph as she saw, finally, the desire she'd been hoping for raging in those hazel depths. The fact that his need for her was waging war with what looked to be an equally strong desire to murder her on the spot, no longer worried her. Just seeing, finally knowing that physically at least, he wasn't indifferent to her; it warmed her from her fingers to her toes. He was already rallying his forces, self-control finally suppressing the emotions that had burst free moments ago, but he was also looking at her with an expression akin to panic. The sparks flew as their eyes locked once more and his burned now with fury as he realised just how much, in that small brief moment, he'd let slip.

The feeling of power as she smirked at him, watching him squirm in worry as he fought to control himself, it almost made her forget the next step in the plan. A deep breath that was also a happy sigh, and she pulled herself together, scanning the Gryffindor table for the person on whom the next part all depended. If he didn't catch on quick enough, if he didn't exert that powerful intellect she was counting on, then the whole thing might be wasted. Lily locked her eyes with those laughing violet orbs, pouring everything she had into that one look, begging, praying for him to understand.

* * *

James' face was once more forced into that carefully black mask but underneath his mind was spinning, questions and answers buzzing through his brain at the speed of light, as the accepted genius used his brainpower for once to the full. But she was so distracting, Merlin was she distracting him, playing with his mind that was trying desperately to concentrate on the more important question of why she was doing this? How dared she do this? And most of all, thanking the gods above for making her do this.

No dammit, wrong, wrong answer. This was not good, not a positive development. He glared inwardly ignoring the very strong disagreement coming from somewhere under the table. Shit, shit , shit. Think, James think! This couldn't be just a coincidence, it was too perfectly done, too obviously planned out to the letter. The bitch had done this deliberately. His brain clicked. This was it, why she'd been so quiet, so inexplicably fragile. It had all been an act, a great big game to make him believe that he had her exactly where he wanted her. She had needed the element of surprise, and, arrogant prat that he was he had fallen for it. If he'd seen that martial light in her eyes, the smirk of smug anticipation beforehand, he'd have been on his guard, the effect of that damned new look would have been nothing compared to the HUGE mistake he'd just made. Damn her!! Argh!!!

James stared at her once more, eyes burning in fury as those emeralds laughed back mockingly into his. God, she was definitely good, he admitted grudgingly to himself, taking in her appearance with a determined businesslike manner. Those clothes, the bare skin, they were her weapons now, and he had to analyse them as such. A feat made rather difficult by the saliva pooling in his stubbornly closed mouth.

Inwardly he snarled, as he looked her up and down. Great, she'd acted liked a slut; now she even looked the part, he thought viciously, well aware that the remark was untrue. The skirt was high certainly, well above the knee, but nowhere close to the shortness of the true sluts of the school. It was perfectly placed he calculated with an experienced eye, precisely at the middle point between her kneecap and…. He gulped, no definitely not a good idea, to even think about going there. It would be WAY too much for his rather fragile self-control. But the smooth white skin still taunted him from between the bottom of her school skirt and the tops of those irritatingly sexy thigh-high socks.

James' eyes suddenly narrowed. Thigh-high socks, red and gold striped, of thick wool? Of course he recognised them. Just as his smirk was known throughout Hogwarts, those socks were the trademark of only one person. His head snapped to glare down the table at the three girls, trying desperately to contain their giggles as they watched his reaction eagerly. His jaw clenched. He met his dastardly cousin's eye in a black rage, that only increased as the look on his face finally crushed what remained of her self-control and she collapsed onto the table in helpless mirth.

James returned his gaze to Lily, trying desperately to stop himself from hexing his treacherous bitch of a cousin, who had obviously played a big part in the whole charade. He should have known, and those socks were a blatant finger in the face. Jenny had long declared a copyright on that very appealing look, and as she was know for her skill in duelling, it was universally accepted as her style and hers alone. Their presence on Lily legs showed all too clearly that she was backing her friend in her war against her cousin. The whole look was probably Jenny's idea he thought wrathfully, as he continued to take in the redhead's appearance with unwilling appreciation.

She wasn't wearing her robes, and white shirt was fitted to her slim form perfectly. Lily had always worm the most boring version of the school uniform, right down to the square bog-standard unisex shirts recommended in the school rulebook. The knowledge somehow enhanced the effect of this new improved version and he cursed silently, wondering if he could, as Head Boy, legally punish her for inappropriate abuse of the uniform. The fact that he himself hadn't worn the full version since third year didn't actually cross his mind. All he could seem to concentrate on was the three shirt buttons left deliberately undone to expose her white neck and the soft, tantalising curve of her cleavage. Cleavage he remembered all too well, and cleavage that was now being hinted at to the whole of the male student body. The tie was of course red and gold to match those bloody socks and it hung loosely round her neck, only partially obscuring the open neckline. The sleeves were rolled up too, and her white arm rested elegantly on her hip while the other hung gently by her side.

Every boy above fifth year was transfixed by her, he snarled silently, and for a brief moment his vision turned green with jealousy and his eyes glared balefully around the room at anyone taking too close a look. Unfortunately this had very little effect, as every male in question obviously had better things to stare at than the leader of the Marauders. Somewhere in the depths of his mind, James couldn't help but admit that there was justification for this, but the thought had no effect in stopping his temper from rising even higher.

In was then that his mouth fell open as the sight in front of him left him gaping in stunned horror. Lily Evans was walking towards them, towards him, towards HIS table. Panic suddenly threatened to overcome him as thought of her and proximity took hold of his mind and left both of his brains frazzled. She was strutting like a goddess, coming closer every step, closer and closer until he realised that if she came as step nearer he would simply have to jump on her. Then drag her off to the closest broom closet and jump her again. Then the head dorm, Quidditch-changing rooms, … NO! What was he thinking?! Dammit James pull yourself together, he yelled silently, mentally slapping himself as he followed her movement with a black stare and waited eager and yet dreading. And then she turned aside.

* * *

Sirius watched as his angel moved gracefully towards him, taking in immediately the fiercely pleading look in her eye. She was demanding his help, begging him to play along with her little game. But he hesitated. As much as he wanted to, aiding and abetting Lily would definitely be stretching his role as strictly neutral, and James had some very nasty jinxes up his sleeve. But of course James had made it plain HE didn't want Sirius' help anyway. The heartthrob's eyes lit up in pure wicked mischief, as the thought of James' unprecedented secrecy made up his mind for him. With no further ado he walked towards the redhead, the girl he had been ready to kill mere moments ago completely forgotten, indicating with his laughing eyes his willingness to be her ally in this particular battle and her smile gleamed in excitement at the thought of another, now assured victory.

They were a meter apart when he threw a last wicked grin at his best mate, who was now staring in horror at his best friend and his nemesis. A second later Lily threw herself into his arms and smiling like a maniac, he swung her around as she laughed like a child in pleasure. He set her down and finished the display with a breathtaking hug that lasted long enough for every girl in the room to suddenly begin plotting her early demise for being in their idols arms. He used the moment, unnoticed by all, to whisper in her ear, his velvet voice shaking with barely suppressed mirth and appreciation at this beautifully accomplished counter-attack.

"Minx."

The single word brought a gleam of mischief to her eyes but she whispered back urgently.

"Come sit with me in Transfiguration?"

The question hung in the air and in her eyes as they drew apart, and he paused, strong brown hands lightly holding her small shoulders. She was asking a lot and she knew it. Sirius adored her, but his allegiance and love would always go first to James, which was why she'd anticipated the no she felt sure was coming. But she had to ask.

Sirius' eyes were carefully expressionless as he thought quickly. Accepting would have rumours flying about the school in no time. His reputation might even be in jeopardy; already people had to be shocked at seeing the notoriously cold Sirius Black smiling like a love struck fool at some girl. Plus it would wind James up no end, but more importantly it would hurt him, badly. On the other hand, a furious James was the only James who might on occasion let slip a secret, and Sirius badly wanted to know what had happened two days ago. This strike from Lily was a counter to something, that was certain now; something that James had done. And who knows, Lily herself might be coaxed into revealing some of the secrets she too was hiding behind those pretty eyes. Curiosity was always his besetting sin.

He nodded and grinned once more and the surprise and then gratitude that lit those emerald eyes in front of him made him smile in satisfaction, before throwing one last apologetic look towards the rest of the Marauders and following the redhead out of the room with a swish of his shaggy black head.

* * *

Transfiguration past quickly, as did the Charms lesson that followed. Lily was animated and irresistible as she laughed and smiled and danced with her friends, gleeful when Sirius accepted finally to sit by her in her favourite class as well, grinning playfully at Professor Flitwick's obvious surprise at seeing the two abandon their own groups of friends to works together on the Protean charm. When the bell rang for lunch, Lily finally let him go, running off to Alice, Jenny and Emily to recount her triumph in minute detail over pumpkin juice and pasties.

Watching her leave, Sirius couldn't help but smile, as her gleaming head of copper was thrown back in whole-hearted laughter, or cocked to one side with a cheeky grin. It was so good to have her back, to see her smiling and laughing and FIGHTING once more. He sighed in contentment and made to walk towards the staircase that led to the kitchens. Sitting with her at lunch would be going way too far and he wasn't sure of his reception at the Marauder table yet. The unity and loyalty between the four boys were what made the Marauders so special. Their reputation was founded on that fact, and if there was going to be an argument, he wanted it to be in private.

An iron grip on his upper-arm suddenly made him stop, and he turned around to see James' hazel eyes burning into his with carefully repressed fury that nevertheless made Sirius gulp a little in fear. His brother tugged his arm briefly, indicating with an angry impatient nod in the direction of the secret alcove behind one of the paintings down the corridor. They walked in silence, shoulder to shoulder, paces in step, leaning against the portrait of the famous witch Morgane la Fey with a forced nonchalance, before tapping the outraged, black-haired woman three times on her pointy nose. As the painting swung open, Sirius shot the notoriously evil witch a look of dislike; rumour had it that she was a famous ancestor of his, one of the earliest know founders of the Black bloodline, and the pureblood family were hugely proud of the fact. Sirius wasn't.

The two boys slipped inside and for a moment there was complete silence in the small room lit by a single tiny window. James turned to face his brother and Sirius winced inwardly at the look of betrayal on his chiselled features. Damn, why didn't he listen to his head for a change, instead of following his instincts. No secret could honestly be worth the pain and jealousy on his friends face right now. Sirius opened his mouth, fighting his disgust at the thought of what he was about to do and began to apologise, but he was cut off before the first syllable left his lips by James' slow, carefully controlled voice.

"Happy now, Sirius? You got me. Well and truly." he let out a short bitter half-laugh. "I guess that'll teach me to not to hide things from you in future." Sirius could only stare at his friend as one stunned. JAMES was apologising? Admitting he was wrong, had made a mistake? The thought didn't want to register. But those hazel orbs were scorching into his, still filled with pain but also rueful, echoing the words spoken.

In took a moment to reply, voice suddenly rough and croaky,

"Nah, Prongs don't. Don't! You know I'm a nosy git. I shouldn't have let it get to me. You're allowed your own life for Merlin's sake…"

"Pads. Pads! Padfoot shut up!" Sirius stopped rambling to glare haughtily at his best mate, this was the first time he had apologised in almost three years and now Prongs wasn't even letting him get the sodding words out. His scowl brought a smirk to James' face as he correctly read his brother's righteous indignation, and he shook his head with a deep chuckle.

"Give it up mate, saying sorry takes sincerity and heartfelt regret. And we both know you've never even heard of either of them. Some people on the other hand…" James drew himself up, and arrogant smirk of superiority appeared on his face, belied by the taunting mischief in his hazel orbs. The light of battle lit in Sirius Black own eyes and a moment later the two teenagers were tussling back and forth on the wooden floor, before finally collapsing, out of breath, with Sirius smiling smugly at having made James literally eat his words.

They sat their for a while, simply enjoying the missed ease of each others company, two minds connected even as they both stared out into space, both lost in their busy thoughts. The silence was comforting, rather than awkward and neither felt the need to break it. Both knew that things would have to be said before they left, important, probably painful things, but they had time. For now they could simply appreciate that warm, fuzzy and very dumb feeling of companionship.

It was James who broke the peaceful silence, in a voice so soft that Sirius was obliged to turn his head to catch the soft, angry words.

"She lied, Padfoot."

For a moment, one brief moment, Sirius' heart leapt, his eyes suddenly scorching as they silently ordered James to continue. How did he find out? How much did he know? The curiosity was almost painful. Sirius had been completely, utterly certain that, regardless of her swearing to the contrary, his angel would never ever have conceived a plot to break a guy's heart. And now it was coming out, she'd admitted it, admitted that something else had happened to cause her to break up with his friend. His friend who was not speaking bloody fast enough!

"To my Mum Padfoot. After all she'd done for her, she cried out some story onto Mum's shoulder to make her seem like the victim." James wasn't looking at him. He didn't see the sudden blank look of complete incomprehension on Sirius' handsome face as he stared at him in now total bemusement.

"She lied to MJ?" The words were filled with total disbelief as the speaker tried to assemble his thoughts and make sense of this new information. It didn't seem to…MAKE sense. The words seemed wrong, ridiculous. Lily lying to the school, that was one thing, but Lily lying to the woman she loved almost as a mother, the woman who had given her back her life and more. It was impossible, but he waited for James to continue, his mind whirling.

"After everything she'd done. Everything she'd given her. How could she do that Sirius? Why? She didn't even know that we were related, so why…"

The pain in James' voice was hard to hear, but Sirius was distracted, and suddenly he cut across, eyes alight with burning curiosity to verify the theory that was only half-formed in his own mind.

"What did she tell her?!" James looked up surprised out of his thoughts by the sudden urgency in his friends tone. He frowned, not understanding, but replied slowly

"She…she said that somehow I was to blame, that I broke HER heart. Mum didn't really go into details. Something about hurting her, and showing her I didn't give a fucking damn about her." His voice sharpened in anger at the memory, his eyes glaring at a girl no longer in front of him, burning with resentment and betrayal. But Sirius was no longer listening. Those breathtaking violet eyes were alight with sudden blazing realisation and he stared at his brother without really seeing him, his mind gradually managing to grasp what he had just heard, what maybe, just maybe it could mean. James felt his gaze and turned back to him in slight surprise, opening his mouth to laughingly ask if Sirius' codfish look was intentional. He was interrupted by a voice that seemed almost unearthly in its intensity, neither hard nor soft, angry nor warm, but demanding, needing an answer.

"Was she right?"

The silence stretched, longer and longer, blue burning into brown, before James finally answered.

"Of course I gave a damn about her Padfoot. I didn't ask her out because you're her biggest fan. I asked her out because I fancied the pants of her, you prat." His lightly mocking laugh echoed strangely round the suddenly cold room, but he met his brothers gaze deliberately, holding it until Sirius himself looked away, to emphasize the statement. Sirius nodded and, after a pause, smiled at his brother, who grinned back and grasped his mate round his broad shoulders.

"What do ya say about grabbing something to eat, huh mate? We've still got half an hour before potions with the slime balls."

His grin was infectious, Sirius couldn't help but grin back but his thoughts were elsewhere. James wasn't stupid, he knew Sirius had picked up on the sudden tension in the air as he'd smoothly side-stepped the question. Sirius also knew when James had shut the door to his thoughts, and at that moment the door had been slammed shut with a bang. There was definitely more to this than originally thought, and James seemed to know far more about it that he'd let on. Sirius had seen the look of panic that had lasted a split-second before being wiped away by his trademark smirk, and Sirius was far more worried about it than he was planning to tell. He couldn't really have hurt her could he? His best mate? His blood brother, who'd more importantly sworn on their friendship that this was for real. That this was different. She was different. The girl who might just hold all the answers to this riddle.

The boys laughed and joked all the way down to the kitchens, but in the rare moments of silence neither could stop their thoughts wandering back to the discussion in the small hidden alcove, nor to a certain red-head who was happily munching her favourite chicken kebab sandwich in the Great Hall up above them.

* * *

Lily collapsed onto her bed with a happy sigh, the irrepressible grin spreading over her face as she thought back to her day of triumph. James Potter hadn't pestered her once, instead he'd watched her discreetly in every lesson, his eyes raking down her form whenever he thought that she wasn't looking. The knowledge that she could do this to him, wind him, turn her on as he so easily did to her, it made her want to jump up and down like a kid at Christmas.

She sighed once more, this time softer, tinged with just a touch of longing as she thought of his face as he's stared at her that first minute after she'd walked in. The want in his eyes had warmed her inside almost like a bottle of butterbeer, and seeing him look at her like that after so long. Well. She remembered all to well what had happened the last time he'd ravaged her that fiercely with his eyes.

She could feel the mixture of pain and desire building in her own chest now, the memory of that night seemed to gradually grind away all her defences. Her eyes closed unconsciously, as she felt once more the feeling of his skin smoothly moving over hers, his fingers dancing down her spine, across her cheeks, before venturing deliciously lower. She smiled to herself as his invisible lips once more crushed her mouth to his, ravishing her like some forbidden fruit that once picked, had to be savoured to the full. Her own lips opened in wistful remembrance, and his name escaped her lips as a small soft sigh, rusty from lack of use but still so so sweet.

She got up and walked towards the notice board that hung as his had, beside the oak door to their shared common room. She had by now discovered the irritating secret of this seemingly good idea. She'd been stunned and overjoyed to find that all her favourite picture and postcards and letters of love and friendship had already been stuck to the cork by magic. Jenny, Emily, Alice, Sirius and of course her parents, they all smiled lovingly back at her from picture after picture. The pyjama party from fifth year, Sirius hugging her head while Emily and Alice laughed in the background, even a few sweet photos of her and Petunia, back when the word sister actually meant something more than sharing a gene pool.

They were all perfect, and changing them had never even crossed Lily's mind until she'd suddenly spotted the top right-hand corner of the board. Her jaw had dropped in an expression of horror to rival Sirius' on a bad-hair-day, as seven pairs of hazel eyes laughed at her from photos she's burned over a year ago. Lily had been stunned, then angry, wondering who had thought up the cruel joke, for a moment suspicious that James himself had been the culprit. The anger deepened as she realized that, try as she might, the pictures were impossible to remove. She'd hexed them, reducto-ed them, sworn at them and vanished them but nothing she'd tried had made the slightest bit of difference. James Potter was stuck on her wall for good and it bugged her no end, especially when she changed in and out of her clothes. Even from a photograph, he still gave her the impression of molesting her with his eyes. Not that that was a completely bad thing.

She now raised her hand to lightly touch the beautiful face in one of the pictures. It was of both of them, taken by Remus maybe a week after they'd started going out. Picture Lily was sitting, back against their favourite tree by the lake, holding James' favourite toy, his stolen snitch, high out of reach above his head that was lying in her lap. She was almost crying with laughter as he stubbornly refused to move anything but his arms, which were waving wildly in the air like an upturned spider. He was trying hard to keep his gorgeous grin of his face and failing miserably, especially when the black and white image of herself bent quickly down to kiss his nose before laughing mischievously and returning to their game.

Real Lily couldn't help but smile too, and she had finally worked out why these photos were there. The clipboard had pictures of everyone and everything she loved in the world; her friends, her family, chocolate ice-cream, Quidditch, there was even one of Moniqua smiling and waving at her from outside the Training Post. Of course James would have a place here. How could he not? She smiled bitterly. She loved him almost as much as everything else put together, however much in stung to admit it. She was crazy about, in every way possible. His body that made her ache with longing, his smile that made her go weak at the knees, those eyes she would happily drown in for eternity, and of course HIM. The way he made her laugh, the little romantic gestures he made, his sudden bursts of jealousy and the feeling of safety and warmth she felt just from being in his arms.

Lily suddenly shook her head roughly. What was getting into her?! She needed to stop doing this, stop torturing herself!! It had all been nothing but an act. It had meant nothing to him; she couldn't let it mean something to her. How could it, when he was in love with somebody else?

The tears threatened to fall but she pushed them back. She'd sworn she wouldn't cry for him. Not anymore. It was pointless, stupid; she was only torturing herself. As she had for the past year. Night after night. Day after day. Reliving the two consecutive nights that's threw her so harshly from pure blissful pleasure to complete utter heartbreak. The memory flashed before her mind's eye and, lying on her soft four-poster bed, she could once more feel the wooden floor of the Gryffindor girl's landing, see the soft moonlight streaming sadly through the open window, and she could hear. Lily's eyes closed as they had so many times before, as the moans, the gasps and words cut her heart to shreds all over again.

_Don't say it. Please, please, don't…_

But he had. And all over again she felt her heart break in two as her love, her heart's deepest, most desperate desire, whispered those three innocent little words to the blonde bitch who lay clasped in his arms, grinning in her triumph.

* * *

**DA DAAHHHHHH!!!!!! Well ? Tell me, tell me, tell me!!!! What did you think? Was t worth it, did u love it, did u hate it???, I reeeeaaaaaally need to know, as in right now lol.**

**We finally begin to find out what really happened, and what's more Sirius too is catching on quicker and quicker. But of course this is still only part of the truth, so do keep reading and of course reviewing!!! **

**Love u more than ever lol**

**Lili**

**xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx**


	12. Chapter 12

**Hi there to all my lovely readers, my loyal long timers and any newcomers. This Chapter 12 but in reality it actually is more like Chapter 11 part two. The two chapters are very much linked as they reveal the two halves of the reason for Lily's hatred of James. Part one you've already read and I've been evil enough to keep you waiting a whole week for part 2 and for that, I do apologise but hopefully it will be worth it. As in the last chapter, every little thing counts and if you skip-read you may well miss out on certain points that you hopefully might quite like. ;)**

**I also want to take this opportunity to apologise to anybody whose review I haven't replied to; I'm getting busier and busier and some of the later reviews I haven't had a chance to answer yet. I am very very sorry and I will reply, that's a promise lol but I warn everyone in advance that I may be a little later than usual. **

**Right that's it from me and I shall finish by saying please enjoy and as always R&R!! J**

**Luv y'all lots n lots n lots**

**Lili**

**Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx**

* * *

All Over Again: Chapter 12

"Easy girl." The words were not enough, and in the end it was the restraining hand on Lily's arm the prevented her from rising from the table and either sprinting out of the Great Hall at high speed or storming over to the Marauders and Co and planting James Potter a sock in the mouth. Both seemed like very good options to Lily. Though admittedly rather irrational and slightly psychotic as Emily had pointed out, when she'd told her best friends of her two possible plans of action. Emily who had clearly not seen the coldly mocking smirk the bastard had sent her way, before re-locking his lips with the pink faced, spindly-legged blond in his lap. Because if she had she would be already over there, holding the git down as Lily punched the living daylights out of him.

"Lily"…Lily!!" Emily almost cringed away as two ball of green fire suddenly threatened to burn a hole in her forehead. That look would have sent most running for cover but Emily was happily not just anyone, and even her friend's famously scary temper wouldn't stop her from doing what was best for the seething redhead. And allowing Lily to show just how bad Potter had got her, exposing her to the mockery and ridiule of the entire school was definitely not in the redhead's best interests.

"Look at them Emily, they're practically thrashing."

No! Really? As if she hadn't noticed. Emily rolled her eyes, before yanking on her friend's wrist sharply enough to make her tear her eyes away from the rather nauseating sight down at the other end of the table. A quick glare and a nod towards Jenny, and Lily obediently turned to the messy haired girl who was trying and failing to keep her face straight and sympathetic. But seeing Lily's expression, Jenny sighed.

She was taking James' revenge badly. The girls had been crowing victorious at the success of their attack but in their triumph they had forgotten that James Potter was far more experienced in this game, even than his cousin. In an attempt to raise her friend's spirits, Jenny reminded Lily once more of the plan for getting back at him.

"Cheer up Lils. Just think, he'll see the notice board sometime after breakfast and he'll be wilder than a dragon in an apothecary."

It did bring a smile to the redhead's lips, but only for a brief moment. Laughter just didn't really want to come and if Lily dutifully kept up her side of the conversation with her friends, it was half-heartedly to say the least.

To be honest Emily couldn't blame her. She'd known that Potter wouldn't just take Thursday's humiliation lying down but even so, the guy was definitely hitting below the belt. And he'd certainly not wasted any time either. The very next morning Lily and her friends had come down to breakfast, still laughing from the previous day's victory, only to see James Potter having his face snogged off, by the resident school slut-in-chief. All three pairs of eyes had turned instantly to their red-haired friend, but her face had been carefully blank. Emily had sighed inwardly, silently thanking whoever she had to thank for Lily's newfound strength.

For the whole day Potter hadn't been seen without his new friend and by fourth period, even the Marauders were sick of Taylor's false nails and falser laugh. Sirius had put aside his distain for any female apart from Lily, and had graced the foursome's evening meal with his presence, much to James' fury. Remus and Peter had stuck by their leader, but the quick smile and weary eye-roll Remus had sent their way numerous times throughout the meal, had indicated the sacrifice he was making and had even brought a small grin to Lily's pale face.

Emily shot another glance towards the Marauder Space, and smiled slightly at the sight of Remus' eyes carefully fixed on his newspaper and Sirius' icily blank stare in the other direction. Peter's gaze caught hers and he sent her a comically pleading expression as he mouthed the words 'help' towards the girls, followed by a slight, small smile. Remus caught the movement and looked up. The pairs eyes met in silent comprehension, and Emily bit her lip to repress a laugh as the tawny haired boy shifted his position, before fake-vomiting from behind the safety of his paper. The grin he shot her was swift and unusually wicked before turning back to the other Marauders, eyes wide and innocent.

Emily's answering grin was wiped abruptly off her face through as overly-descriptive moan echoed clearly across the almost empty Hall.

The pair were grinding into each other in a way that left nothing to the imagination. It was small consolation to see the brief expression of disgust on Potters face as he pulled away, only to feel Taylor's tongue slapping all over the contours of his mouth. A friend called across the room to the slut, and as she turned away for a moment, the black-haired boy quickly took advantage of her inattention to wipe his very wet looking face. He seemed to feel Emily's crystal-eyed gaze and curled his lip at her. She shot him back an evil grin and waggled her tongue at him, closing her eyes in mock ecstasy. For a heavy moment his expression was murderous, before Taylor decided that her mouth was already lonely and promptly glued it to his.

Emily shook her head in disgust, before turning back to the girls. Lily was staring in the pair's direction again, and the pain in those dull emeralds was horrible for her friend to see.

The red-head sighed and look down at her plate, before meeting Emily's gaze. Those famous blue eyes were soft and understanding, but they were also telling her to pull herself together. Lily nodded at her closest friend and managed a small brave smile. It wasn't much, but it was better than nothing, and least Lily wasn't showing the nosy student body just how effective Potter's counter-attack had been.

Emily searched blindly for a distraction, something that would make her friend laugh properly, anything that would help her friend regain her composure.

Her cerulean eyes fell on the dark haired figure sitting opposite the still writhing pair. Sirius was staring in to space, his clenched jaw and carefully expressionless eyes indicating his heavy but resigned disapproval of his brother's new hobby, but after a moment he seemed to sense the stare that Emily was sending him. He turned his shaggy head and the movement caused the thick black locks to shimmer slightly in the early morning sunlight; he was…infuriatingly beautiful. His violet eyes locked with hers, empty of any emotion, as they looked through her with complete indifference.

It wasn't a surprise. Emily had long realised and resigned herself to the knowledge that Sirius Black's boundless affection for Lily in no way, shape, or form changed his opinion of the rest of the female population. For Lily's sake he was civil to the three girls when absolutely required, but in general their presence was tolerated and nothing more. An unavoidable consequence of spending time with his angel. In a particularly good mood, he might, on a whim, address a few words to either Alice or herself. Jenny took a mischievous pleasure in trying to provoke him into conversation, and was therefore summarily ignored. The girl was too used to attention from every male in her path, and Sirius' complete lack of any interest in her continued to bug the school's 'dream girl', to her friends' weary amusement.

But however indifferent he might be to her, Emily knew full well that for Lily, he would walk to the ends of the earth. She deliberately glanced at the subdued red-head before once more meeting his violet eyes that were suddenly intense and attentive. She hid her rueful smile and looked again to Lily. Sirius followed her gaze, took in his angel's demeanour in a sharp appraising stare before setting his jaw. He gave a brief nod in Emily's direction and turned to say a few short, and judging by the look on James' suddenly liberated face, acid words, before gracefully rising to his feet and walking towards the girls.

Emily sighed with relief as the tall, broad shouldered figure silently approached the group. As she watched, Lily heard the nearing footsteps and looked up, her face suddenly transforming in pleased surprise as the school idol nonchalantly lowered himself into the seat next to her. The black-haired girl nodded in satisfaction and gratitude before claiming both jenny and Alice's attention by once again announcing her intention and determination to be either Baby Neville's or Baby Nancy's Godmother, for the hundredth time. Sure enough Jenny hotly denied Emily's superior claim and the two squabbled happily to Alice's sweet amusement. A side glance at the pair opposite indicated the success of her plan. Shining black hair mingled with vibrant red as the two conversed in low undertones and Emily, feeling rather pleased with herself, turned back to defend her God-mothering rights with vigour.

* * *

"Hey."

"Hey. So, what are you doing over here, you're missing the Saliva Show your friend so kindly organised for our entertainment."

Sirius simply looked at her, one black eyebrow raised before smirking.

"Careful Lils, one would almost think you were jealous." Her eyes flashed at him, before she tossed her head, chin lifted with defiance.

"Funny, Sirius."

"I believe that's a contradiction." Her burnished head flew round to glare at his obnoxious, smirking face and for the thousandth time she yearned to stick a needle into that stupid dimple she hated so much. Or was secretly jealous of, depending on when he used it.

She continued to scowl at him and he arranged his perfect features into his 'angelic' look, the one that melted hearts and caused girls to sigh with longing; his lips pouted in slight hurt but his eyes continued to dance wickedly at her, enjoying her snappy temper.

Lily folded her arms in an obvious attempt at sulking but he was way ahead of her, lips at her ear to whisper something he knew would have her smiling in no time.

"You know, she asked him if they were officially dating."

Lily's head twitched slightly but she continued to stare blankly towards the Ravenclaw table and didn't answer. Only the sudden ferocity of her gaze showed how interested she really was in this piece of information.

"You don't want to know what he told her?" His voice shook with repressed laughter but his face remained a mask of innocence. Lily scowled and snapped back.

"Why would I give a damm about what one shallow neuron-less moron says to another?"

The smirk broke free at this comment and Sirius' eyes lit up in pure wicked amusement as he sighed and said

"Ok, ok, forget I mentioned it." He lowered his gaze to his finely manicured nails and proceeded to inspect them in silence. She didn't keep him waiting long.

"Fine! Tell me! Go on! What did prat number one have to say to prat number two? Besides ' 'slobber my face off.' '"

"No really, it's not very important, what is, on the other hand, is that…"

"Sirius Black, answer my question or I will personally inform your entire fan club of both the existence and the whereabouts of your zone-out spot."

He smirked back at her appreciatively but one eyebrow lifted in challenge.

"Liar." She allowed the rueful grin to escape, but still pressed him for his answer.

"Well, alright maybe not, but I will find some way to punish you if you don't stop being mean. Come on, I've admitted I want to know…"

She was openly pleading now, pride thrown out the window as she shamelessly pouted and batted puppy-dog eyes at him. He mockingly hesitated before continuing, a smirk of easy victory gracing his chiselled features.

"He turned round in the middle of the Great Hall and said 'Hell no, I'll snog you and I'll shag you but quite frankly you're not particularly good at even those and I often can't even recall your name. This is business and if you want more the door's just over there." Stupid girl. Anyone could see he was in a bad mood. She turned fluorescent pink. Though that might have been the jinx Remus sent her under the table. Blamed it on me too, sly git."

Lily looked at him, stunned into speechlessness before a massive smile spread over her small features. She gave a choke of laughter before succumbing completely to the fit of the giggles. Sirius smirked in self satisfaction that widened when Emily sent him a quick smile of gratitude before resuming her own conversation.

People were flooding into the Great Hall by now, even the late risers didn't want to miss breakfast, Sunday or not. The sunlight was streaming through the twenty or so great arched windows, and the ceiling was a clear perfect blue above the munching students. It gave Sirius an idea.

"Lils, do you fancy taking a walk." The question was sudden, out of the blue, and Lily cocked her copper head to the side, puzzled.

"Right now?"

"Yeah, I have this overwhelming, uncontrollable urge to admire the lbeauty of the lake in the morning sunlight." The words were spoken in a dreamy tone that Lord Byron himself would have envied, and Lily looked at her friend blankly.

He caught her lost stare and replied defensively

"What, I can be poetic when I want." A silence and then

Lily's hysterical laughter echoed round the Great Hall, causing heads to turn and bringing a look of hurt and then sulky petulance onto Sirius' handsome face. He lifted his beautifully straight nose and made to stalk out of the Great Hall, toned arms and the remains of his dignity wrapped around him in laughing disgust, but Lily ran to him and stayed him by throwing herself around his rigid figure. For a whole minute he successfully kept up the façade but finally his angel's puppy dog eyes and coaxing smile brought a rueful grin to his face and he ruffled her hair and pushed her out the oaks doors, shaking his head in amusement.

* * *

Outside it was brisk but beautifully sunny, and the lack of all but the lightest breezes stopped them from needing to fetch slightly warmer clothing. The lake sparkled cheerily, the last leaves on the trees were turning to rich gold as Hogwarts made it's final farewells to a sweet summer. Lily threw her head back to feel the warmth on her pale cheeks, white lids obscuring those emerald eyes as she sighed in contentedly at this reminder of how lucky she actually was; to be here, to be magical, to have people like Emily, Jenny and Alice, and of course the tall ebony-haired boy beside her. She opened her eyes to grin at him and he smiled back sillily before suddenly grabbing her hand and starting to sprint towards the lake. She gasped in shock as the impression of 'déja-vu' burst into her mind, but she couldn't concentrate on the memories; he was dragging her behind him at such a speed that a few times, only his strong arm stopped her from tripping over her feet and landing on her face.

He stopped at the edge of the blue stretch of gently rippling water and threw himself onto the grass, for once all decorum and vanity forgotten. His violet eyes danced from between those impossibly long lashes and she couldn't help but laugh at him as he lay at her feet, childishly pleased with himself for making her so out of breath. An eyebrow raised, a mocking invitation to join him, and despite her half-hearted annoyance at his joke, she did so.

Sitting there, warm sunshine caressing her face and setting her burnished head on fire, everything seemed a little easier. Sirius' presence was like a roaring fire next to her, pushing back the cold sadness she felt as only meters away the oak tree waved kindly at her, shielding her from the inevitable feeling of loss it all brought back. Coincidence had made him bring her to this particular spot; she couldn't be angry at him for it. It was the place she and the girl had used to come often, to paddle in the lake and to splash and laugh at things that seemed so far away now. A place of freedom and relief from the pressures of life, and Lily remembered fondly coming here in between the OWL exams.

And of course the tree. The tree that had changed her life so many times, now she thought about it. It was barely thirty feet from the waters edge, close enough that she had been unable to NOT overhear that last argument over Snape. The tree she'd leaned silently against on Harry McKinnon's birthday, yet another that he would never see. The tree she laughed under so many times in that sweet single month, and cried under so many times in the months that had followed. It had seen them through so much, watching silently but reassuringly in the background, as two hearts had beat in time, only to be broken hours later. Seeing it close, still waving it's heavy branches at her, she couldn't help but remember, couldn't help but wonder once again at how it had all happened. How one night they'd been…perfect, fated and then the next morning, the world was crumbling around them.

* * *

_Flashback_

_"So? Where's Lover-Boy then?"_

_Lily sighed and lowered her edition of The Daily Prophet to see Jenny's mocking smirk hovering inches from her face. She rolled her eyes playfully and pointed to the seats opposites, reminding both Jenny and Emily to take advantage of the free spaces before 'The Hoards' descended. They grinned back, smirking at their friend's derisive sniff as she thought of the ten or so airheads who had apparently not yet grasped the concept of 'Taken'. _

_The fact that James and Lily would be going out for one month exactly the next day, apparently made no difference whatsoever to the mixture of soppy Hufflepuffs and snooty Ravenclaws, who stubbornly believed that James Potter was classed as 'public property', despite his frequent acid remarks to the contrary and his girlfriend's very scary death-glares._

_Lily was, quite understandably, jealous, however much she refused to admit it either to her oblivious self or to the not-so-oblivious rest of the world. Both Jenny and Emily thought it funny and rather sweet that she stubbornly believed that nobody was aware of her infatuation with the guy she'd sworn to loath for all eternity, but for some strange reason happened to be dating. What Lily couldn't know was how her eyes lit up as soon as he walked through the door, how her smile turned to a rather silly, goofy grin whenever his skin brushed hers. She was head over heels, and her friends were torn between thankful for seeing her radiant with happiness, and the small secret worry that this period of grace couldn't last._

_But how to tell Lily that. How to remind a girl so loved up she seemed to float on air, that her albeit gorgeous, romantic, funny and highly popular boyfriend still remained the second biggest player in the entire school. How to point out that the redhead's original decision of 'keeping it light' and 'not getting serious' was hardly going accordingly to plan._

_Jenny knew her cousin by heart, and she thought and sincerely hoped that maybe, maybe Lily would be different. He had promised after all. Sworn it on the heads of their old matching teddy bears, hers of which still sat on her pillow every day and every night._

_But the fact remained that he was still James Potter, and James Potter and monogamy did not go together, however loving and sweet and altogether perfect he'd admittedly been the entire month they'd been together. And Lily's friends watched dolefully as every day she fell deeper and deeper._

_But all of that was not for Lily to know, and today of all days, she wouldn't have paid it any heed even if she had. Because after last night, something, infinitesimally, had changed. Lily felt the soppy smile spread for the thousandth time that day over her delicate features. Last night had been...more wonderful, more perfect than words could ever come close to expressing, and the afterglow had stayed ever since. Never had she looked so beautiful, and coal black eyes from the past couldn't help but stare at her in outright painful longing._

_"JAMES is finishing his detention with Sirius and should be here in a few minutes."_

_She avoided Jenny's eyes as she answered with forced disapproval, biting her lip, determined to repress the wicked grin of mischief that was slowly curling the corners of her mouth. Those hazel orbs that so resembled James', lit up in an answering smile._

_"What's my dastardly cousin been doing now then?" Both girls leaned forward eagerly; The Marauder Pranks were always hilarious and the notorious troublemakers actually getting caught for once was even more so. Lily's eyes danced as she fought to keep her face straight and her voice level as she told the latest anecdote._

_"James and Sirius thought it would be...amusing, to welcome Filch's new cat, Mrs Norris I think it's called, to Hogwarts, and they also decided that the perfect way to do so would be to… turn it BLUE!" Both girls let out a choke of laughter but Lily continued, giggles escaping despite her efforts._

_"Shhh, there's more. So they start to stalk the poor thing, following it around until it went far enough away from Filch, right into one of the classrooms..."_

_"Go on!"_

_"They shut the door and Sirius pounces on it, holding it so that James can perform the spell, and a second later the poor thing was the most gorgeous shade of cerulean you've ever seen, when suddenly..." She paused, eyes sparkling with laughter._

_"There was a loud 'POOF' and there was Sirius clutching a very ruffled, very angry, very BLUE...PROFESSOR MCGONAGALL!!" Remus' low highly amused voice finished the tale and the werewolf watched amused as, after a moment of stunned silence, all three girls were rolling in their seats overcome by the side-splitting giggles._

_Which was how Alice found them, five minutes later as she came down for dinner with the rest of her Care of Magical Creatures class, tears streaming from their eyes and rolling down their cheeks as the Professor in question marched past them to her seat looking ready to kill. The story was soon told, and only the loud bang of the Great Hall doors being not very discreetly flung open, distracted all four girls from their laughter._

_Lily suddenly sat up straight as a poker, face carefully arranged into an expression of cool unconcern while fifty or so females sighed as HER boyfriend and best-boy-friend, swaggered nonchalantly into the room._

_He was laughing, hazel eyes sparkling with mischief as Sirius threw an impudent wink to the seething bespectacled professor who sat rigid in her seat next to a softly chuckling Dumbledore. James returned the Headmasters smile with his own trademark grin, before his eyes automatically raked the Gryffindor table for the tell-tale flash of copper._

_He found her immediately, and his face seemed to soften infinitesimally as moved towards her with new purpose. His fan club glared as he stopped in front of her, but James seemed completely oblivious; his eyes one fixed on one person and one person alone._

_Lily moved without a word to allow him space, and determinedly smiled at Sirius as he lowered himself with breathtaking grace into the seat between Peter and Remus, fully aware that her boyfriend's gaze never wavered from her face. She continued to ignore him for two minutes, shyness and embarrassment suddenly overcoming her as thoughts of the night before leapt to her mind without warning. Thoughts she definitely shouldn't be having at the dinner table._

_His hand brushed her thigh under the table and she started, her own coming up to grab his wrist at the unexpected contact, eyes slightly panic-stricken as they flashed to his. He smirked at her and took the hand that had stopped him, entwining their fingers pointedly before leaning in to whisper in her ear._

_"Thank you". Before returning his attention to the now full plate in front of him, his brown fingers never leaving hers as he ate one-handed._

_Lily felt her cheeks flush slightly under her friends knowing glances, all of them obviously imagining very different, rather less innocent things to be going on beneath the thick slab of oak. James' smirk widened as he finally caught Jenny's laughing eyebrow waggle, but he stayed silent, only grasping her hand rather more tightly and resuming the small languorous circles he had been tracing on her white hand. _

_Dinner passed in laughter and sweet, quiet happiness, the four boys and four girls simply enjoying each others company, for what would be, unknowingly, the last time for many many months._

* * *

_Hmmmm...Treacle tart should definitely be made illegal, Lily sighed to herself as she felt her flat stomach expanding before her eyes. She sat back, finally admitting to fullness, unconsciously leaning into James' deliciously hard chest. His equally toned arm came around her and the group of friends surveyed each other, with expressions of content and wonderfully full bellies. _

_People were already leaving, and after a minute or two, the group rose slowly and stiffly to their feet yawning and bemoaning the next day's labours as they moved to towards the massive marble staircase that stood, imposing and majestic in the vast Entrance Hall._

_Lily was about to follow Jenny up the steps when a light tug on her hand made her turn, eyebrows raised in slight surprise. James ignored her silent question and merely nodded to the others, indicating to them to go on without them, only turning back to Lily when the last one finally disappeared from view._

_James' eyes were glowing with a gold fire that took Lily's breath away. Unusually for him he seemed nervous somehow, as well as excited, and he seemed to take a steadying breath himself before asking_

_"Come with me Lils?" She stared uncomprehending._

_"Outside. I thought we could go for a walk by the lake." Lily's eyes widened._

_"James, curfew finishes in ten minutes."_

_He placed his warm hands on her cheeks and tilted her head up so that his eyes burned directly into her, for once deadly serious and even more painfully beautiful. _

_"Please." And she could only nod. A mute yes before he swept her away, along a corridor, down some steps and through a hidden back door until they standing under the twinkling stars._

_The grounds were pure silver in the light of the Moon that was almost, not quite but almost full. The grass seemed like velvet, and a light breeze ruffled the leaves of silver trees that moved like ghostly fingers in welcome to the young lovers._

_The boy suddenly pulled her hand and they were away, him in the lead, dragging her playfully along behind him, laughing with pure utter happiness as she protested in shock. Two white figures running, on the silver silk that dipped towards the vast expanse of crystal clear water, the moonlight transforming it into a mirror to reflect her glory as she smiled kindly down upon their sweet antics._

_Lily was breathless when James finally came to an abrupt halt, irrepressible laughter bubbling over, as he turned to her with those breathtaking eyes that now sparkled at her in pure pleasure. She looked up though the branches of the tree they were now standing under before stepping closer to him, eyes smiling as she spoke._

_"Everything seems to happen to us here doesn't it." He returned the smile, hand reaching up to brush her cheek with tender fingers. But he was James Potter, and he couldn't quite repress his incorrigible innuendos as his eyes twinkled wickedly at her._

_"Well, there is one thing we haven't done here yet.." He trailed off suggestively before letting out a shout of laughter as her expression turned from shock to playfully scandalized._

_"You mean you brought me out here for...for THAT!" Her adorable expression of disbelief made him yearn to do just that, but he couldn't. He'd brought her out here for a reason and for once that reason wasn't sexual gratification. Though now that she' mentioned it... His eyes flickered to the ground below them, sizing it up with an expert eye before she interrupted him with a laugh and light slap on his arm._

_"Stop that!! I know what that means when you get that look. No. No way!"_

_He pouted at her, eyes alight with laughter, but obeyed and concentrated once more on what he was about to do._

_She stopped laughing as his eyes turned serious, dark and glowing as they burned into her with an intensity that made her feel suddenly light-headed. For a moment she was paralysed with fear; he was going to break up with her! He'd got what he wanted and now he was going to leave! She would lose him. No, no please._

_He read it in her face and was quick to reassure her._

_"Hey, hey, hey! Lils, LILY!" he tilted her head upwards so that her stricken gaze locked with his. _

_"I'm not, I repeat NOT breaking up with you. Relax, it's alright..."_

_"Really." She smiled weakly at him and he couldn't help it, he took her in his arms and held her tight, and it felt so unbelievably perfect. How had he ever imagined he could let her go? _

_After a moment he drew back, keeping only her hand, and led her to the trunk of the tree._

_She looked at him with curious eyes, watched him swallow and then ruffle his already messy hair in a movement that she'd come to realise meant that he was nervous; petrified in fact. She stared at him, silently waiting for him to explain._

_"Come over and look, right here." His voice was strained in the semi- darkness, trembling slightly with some repressed emotion. She moved obediently closer, squinting to pick out the small, smooth piece of bark-less trunk his finger was pointing to. The outer lair had been deliberately stripped away, and into the starkly pale bare patch were carved..._

_Lily's breath caught in her throat and she turned to him, speechless. He smiled at her, not his classic heartbreaking smirk but a real true smile, and she could only gape at the gentleness, the affection, adoration even, in that soft curve of the lips._

_He was waiting for her to say something, she realised and so she did._

_"JP" He nodded. _

_"And LE" he finished. She looked back to the small pair of initials so carefully carved into the oak, reaching out with trembling fingers to gently touch the letters. She swung round, smiling widely and happily at him, and made to throw herself into his arms but he held her back._

_"But it's not finished. You can tell right? There's something missing. Something important." _

_She frowned at him, puzzled, before looking back to the engraving. What was wrong? The two initials were there, side by side, just like in the teenage muggle films. And then she realised and her heart seemed to suddenly stand still as she maybe, possibly thought she knew where he was going with this. He was right, there was something missing. A small innocent shape that none the less changed the signification of those letters from nothing, to something very very different. The same thing that was studdering weakly in her chest as he moved closer to her, so close that she could count his long black lashes._

_"Tonight I have some unfinished business to clear up, but tomorrow, before breakfast, I want to complete it. Properly. And every thing that goes with it. If you're here."_

_She stared at him, heart thumping in her mouth as she dared to hope, to dream what maybe this could mean. Was he really going to say it. Those three words he'd avoided like the plague for the past seven years. Three words that every girl in the school would kill to hear from his lips because they'd never, not once been uttered._

_"Will you come, Lily? Will you be here tomorrow?" His voice filled with a carefully repressed passion but it still seeped through, warming her heart and making her knees so deliciously weak, but she managed to croak out one word._

_"Yes."_

_For a single moment green burned into gold and something passed between them that would change their lives forever; an unspoken promise; a silent vow of something more, something special, and something so wonderful that she couldn't really take it in. All she knew was that one moment he was looking at her like she was his last drop of water in the Sahara dessert, the next she was locked in his arms, arms she never wanted to escape from and he was lowering his painfully handsome head towards hers and she needed him, needed his touch more than earth or air._

_He pressed his lips to hers with a gentleness she'd never know in him before, the passion was there but finally it had given way to something much more important, much more magical. In that kiss he poured out everything to her, tenderness and adoration and happiness and impossibly, unbelievably...love. A silent agreement, that included faraway words such as relationships and futures and forevers. _

_In that moment two hearts beat in unison, and two souls cleaved to each other, having found their true mate. And in that perfect breathtaking, moment, Lily's eyes stung as she knew, as surely as she knew the sun would rise tomorrow, that finally, against all odds, they were in love._

* * *

She had been so so sure. But it wasn't meant to be. It had slipped through their fingers and looking back Lily wasn't even sure who had had really been to blame. Her eyelids stung but the tears couldn't quite be held back, she could only allow them to fall as silently as possible so as not to disturb her friend's abstraction.

Of course she should have know him better than that. The first tear hit the dewy grass and almost as though he'd heard it fall, Sirius' shaggy head shot round to meet her eyes, his own blazing in intensity. In typical Sirius fashion, he wasted no time and a second later she was clasped in his warm, strong, comforting arms that, if she shut her eyes tight, she could almost pretend were those of the boy she yearned for, the boy she'd briefly thought would maybe be different, special, the cliché 'one'. How had it come to this? How could he have left her broken? How had she let him go?

The oak tree had no answers, it waved silently as ever, rustling leaves mourning all lost loves and broken hearts. Neither did Sirius as he held her fiercely. He had questions yeah, hundreds of silent questions hovering on his lips but withheld barely. He so badly wanted to know, wanted to help his friends who still cried silently for what might have been. He brought her out here for that purpose, to question, to provoke and to finally get the truth from her. But his burning curiosity was nothing beside his adoration for her, and so he held his peace. Truth would out, it was only a question of time, timing and patience and Sirius Black was the human personification of both.

* * *

That was it: the bitch was going down! That sneaky lowlife slut was going to rue the day she EVER crossed James Potter. If she thought she seen anything yet, she had another thing coming. She would be begging for mercy by the time he was through and she could plead and cry as much as she wanted; it wouldn't do a thing. How dare she?! How fucking dare she!!!!!

James was so furious he could barely see straight as he marched down the corridor, almost missing the Head Common Room portrait hole as he swore and snarled and cursed to the stone walls, earning him shocked faces and scandalised glares from may of the portraits that lined the corridor.

He growled the password through gritted teeth, eyes flashing in livid anticipation as the door opened and he yanked it shut behind him with a deafening slam. She had to be up here. The bitch had come in almost half an hour ago from her cosy little romantic walk by the lake with guy who supposed to be his best mate. Bastard. James let loose another eloquent selection of French and English words under his breath that would have had his mother hexing him to Florida.

The common room was empty and James' gaze immediately fixed on the oak door on the left, with an ugly look in his burning eyes. In a moment he was in front of it, brown hand turning the gold handle and he shoved his entire body weight against it hard enough to slam the wood into the stone wall as it opened.

If it had opened.

James grasped his shoulder in sudden pain as he stared mutinously at the door. It hadn't budged. He tried again, twisting the gold knob back and forth, slowly at first then faster as impatience and anger held him in their grip. He slammed against the wood again and again, before suddenly realising his mistake.

His eyes darkened to molten gold, and his expression would have has Sirius himself running for cover. That slut had locked him out! The coward, she couldn't face him and his fucking deserved anger! She thought she would get away with this that easily. He banged on the heavy wood and roared through the door

"EVANS! Get your prissy little butt out here now !!" There was no answer, and his vision turned red.

"Dammit Evans, open this DOOR!!" He brought his fist into the thick oak, swearing as something in his hand cracked under the impact and small droplets of blood begun to escape the grazed skin. He didn't seem to notice and might have continued in his attempts to break the door down, had not a small voice made him spin round in shock.

"A key might make things a little easier, no?" The voice was youngish-sounding and definitely snide. James raked the room for the intruder, wand out in front of him as he pressed his back to the door in the standard defensive position. There was no one. His mind was whirling, all his formidable brainpower concentrating on the conundrum of where the invisible voice was coming from. A Marauder perhaps, in his invisibility cloak? But they wouldn't know the password. A ghost then. Were they even allowed in here?

"Here dumbass." The voice was bloody close and he jumped slightly spinning to face the wall next to him.

In front of him was a small rather dusty portrait, of a roughly twelve-year-old boy, from some regency period. He was sitting outside in a very green fancy garden and was dressed in what must have been very fine clothes complete with a once-white ruff, but which were now covered in dark brown mud, as was the subjects face. The face itself was that of an imp, dark eyes twinkling wickedly and a wide toothy grin that stretched from ear to ear. His black hair stuck up at all angles and as James stared in surprise, the boy gave a cheeky wink before turning around and promptly exposing his small behind.

The sight of the tiny white buttocks seemed to stun the unflappable Head Boy and school idol. His mouth gaped until suddenly the imp let out a tiny 'parp' and his anger came rushing back, now directed at this grinning little monster who had just had the audacity to FART at him.

He brandished his wand at the brat in the picture with a snarl, when the boy spoke once more and his words put all thoughts of retribution out of James' head.

"Well don't you want the key?" The boy had pulled up his pant and was now swinging insolently on the swing that hung from one of the trees. James glared at him but the imp grinned back and simply waited.

"There isn't a keyhole.", James growled back suddenly realising this. The boy's eyes danced mischievously.

"Not that kind a key then, is it?" James' eyes were scorching with fury and he spat back

"Then what kind of key IS it, you dammed brat?"

"Hmmm that would be telling, but you did have it in you hand a minute ago." The smile was wide and deceptively innocent, but by now James was thoroughly sick of this game.

"Tell me how I fucking open this door, you disgusting, annoying son of a…"

"Potter, what on earth are you doing?!"

James spun round to see Lily standing in the now open doorway, face completely bemused as the Head Boy seemed to be insulting thin air.

"I…He, that brat…"

"What brat? There's…no one here Potter"

James turned around to the picture, ready to show Evans the annoying little culprit, when his face fell open. The picture was completely still, dark and nostalgic as a angelic faced little boy sat sadly on a swing in a sweet, luscious setting, the sunrise in the background lending a beauty to the picture that was quite breathtaking.

Lily moved around him to get a closer look, before raising her green eyes to his saying hesitantly,

"I think it's just a muggle painting, Potter. It doesn't seem to be moving." She bit her lip slightly as the giggle threatened to escape but suddenly the laughter was cut off as James rounded on her, all his fury back with a vengeance as he remembered why he had been arguing with the treacherous little beast.

Lily's eyes widened as he leaned in closer to her to snarl in her face.

"What the fuck is the meaning of this Evans?!" She stared back at him in puzzlement and his face darkened. He thrust his brown hand into a pocket and pulled out a rather crushed and scrunched up piece of paper and waved it furiously under her small nose.

"This Evans! The Quidditch tryouts sign-up sheet!! The sheet with YOUR name on it! What bloody game are you playing at?!"

Lily's green eyes lit up in comprehension and the carefully cultivated smirk curled her lips as he loomed over her, although she'd never admit it, very very scarily. But this was what she'd been hoping for. Her eyes danced in silent victory. Jenny had been right, nothing would wind up James Potter more than his nemesis becoming part of his popular, very selective world of being a Quidditch idol. His team was his life, everything else came second after his beloved game. It was his great love, and true to form, the mere thought of Lily being anywhere near that world was enough to put him in rage to rival MJ's.

She answered tauntingly, eyes mocking him openly, and she leant towards him in challenge.

"Hopefully Quidditch. But I guess we'll have to wait until Wednesday to find out, right Potter." The confirmation was asked for with wide innocent eyes and James heard his teeth grind together in fury. He leant towards in echo of her own movement, eyes locked with hers as his breaths came slightly fast with anger, and the beginnings of lust burning in their hazel depths.

"You honestly believe I'll let YOU on the team?" The words were soft, but the menace in them was no less deadly and Lily bit her lip as a shiver ran down her spine. But she refused to look away, defiant green trapped in smouldering hazel as they fought silently for dominance.

"Careful Potter, you wouldn't want to lose your badge for letting personnel reasons interfere with your responsibilities as Captain." His eyes darkened as the hit went home. His breath came out as a hiss through clenched teeth and she saw pure loathing in those orbs of molten gold.

"Take your name off the list Evans. I won't tell you twice." The words were almost a whisper, but they burned with the thinly veiled promise for revenge if she refused to obey. He would make her pay for this, she could tell, but it would worth it to see his face he would be forced to acknowledge her skill in front of the entire team. Lily had practised with Moniqua Monroe, for Merlin's sake. James wouldn't find better than her if he searched the entire school. He knew it too, and the fact was only making him all the more livid. He was trapped, backed into a corner unless he could make her take her name down. She could feel the victory inches away, and it gave her strength, strength enough to look him straight in the eye and smirked.

"Make me."

The challenge hung in the air, and for a brief moment, Lily thought she'd won as he stood there stumped. Then his hazel eyes lit into a blazing fire of victory as he leaned in, closer and closer, and her mouth opened in panic as she realized what he was about to do. She gasped , the word 'no' flying from her lips, but it was too late. All she could do was close her eyes as his fingers dug into her hair and she was pulled up to him with a brutal strength and her mouth was crushed under his with a furious hatred that made her knees give way.

He held her up, refusing to allow her to escape so easily, brutally moulding her softness to his hard chest, forcing her mouth open with a need that had been repressed for so long it had become agony. He ravished her lips and then her neck and white shoulders until they felt bruised, before fusing his hot mouth to hers once more. Their tongues danced as once as he explored every crevice of her mouth, tasting the forbidden fruit. His hands instinctively remembered and found her weak spots and they moved fiercely and dominantly over every inch in reach, claiming her one more as his, proving to her triumphantly that she'd never been anything but.

And he was right. Even now as her mind screamed in loathing for him and the way he had hurt her all those months ago, her body hummed and burned under his fingertips, answering him and his kisses with a passionate pent-up desire that, now set loose, was like a flood having broken it's dam. The feel of him, his skin, his lips, his passion, she gloried in it, moaning as he bit her neck cruelly, whimpering as his hands tormented every inch of her skin and his kisses left her gasping for air. How could she ever have imagined not needing him? How could he still do this to her after all this time? He was playing her body like a master pianist and as their mouths and hands moved in furious desire, she couldn't bear to stop him.

Time and space seemed to stop , rewind, fast-forward, who knew? Nothing seemed to matter. Only that he was here and he wanted her with a furious desire she had hoped and prayed hadn't died that morning by the lake. And it hadn't, they were still perfect, still fireworks and drums and angels singing, as incredible and more so than she remembered. Her heart beat frantically in pure sweet bliss and their souls merged once more, finally complete, the gaping holes filled and the constant dull ache suddenly gone without a trace.

And then suddenly he pulled back, panting furiously, eyes scorching into his, with lust and need and longing and anger and a thousand more emotions Lily couldn't even begin to name. His hair was messier than ever, from her frantic hands she realised vaguely. Her lips were swollen and her cheeks flushed and just looking at her made him burn with the need to make her belong to him, to kiss her, to crush her, to make love to her again and again until she pleaded for him to stop. But he was still hurting, and his pride was ever his greatest fault as it was hers, and so he ran once again, pushing the emotions back in his childish attempt to prove to the world she hadn't hurt him.

She felt him pull away from her, emotionally this time rather than physically. Lily watched all feeling slowly die in his eyes and her heart wept as that all too familiar smirk of cruelty twisted his flawless lips. Their souls tore apart once more and the pain brought tears to her eyes as he straightened his back and smirked down at her.

"I'll cross your name of first thing tomorrow."

His arrogant smirk of victory, his sadistic pleasure at her broken expression; it all suddenly enraged her. Her eyes were emerald flames and her face etched into a vicious snarl as she suddenly with out warning stepped towards him and brought her knee hammering up into his groin with every ounce of her anger-induced strength.

He fell groaning to the ground, clutching his crotch and throwing a look of pure hatred. She smiled viciously back before leaning down to whisper in his ear.

"See you on Wednesday, Captain!"

She turned to walk away before suddenly hesitating. James eyes widened in fear as she swung back to face him, eyes wickedly malicious and pointed her wand once more at the area he was still clutching in pain. The spell she used brought a ferocious snarl to his lips but the pain was still to strong to let him do anything but gasp. So he swore silently at her smirk of victory as she walked away, consigning sticking charms to the devil and already resigning himself to the fun prospect of politely asking Madam Doucanne to please remove his hands from his crotch.

* * *

**So?? Did I shock, stun and flabbergasted you as I meant to? THEY KISSED!!!! FINALLY!! How was it? Was it up to your expectations? Were you horribly disappointed? Or was absolutely fabulous in every way shape and form?? And Lily's trying out for Quidditch as she promised MJ, with her knew broom and THEY KISSED!!! Please PLEASE review, you HAVE to for this chapter really. **

**R&R!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!**

* * *


	13. Chapter 13

**Hey there my wonderful readers!! First of all I have to, of course, apologise on this update being a day later than expected, the fault of which is entirely my own. I had the bright idea to reread this chapter when I was all but finished and decided I completely hated it, which led to the re-writing of the entire thing. *sigh* To be frank I'm not one hundred percent pleased with it; it's a little bit of a filler, but it is a necessary filler, in the sense it deals with the couples Head duties, which I'm sure you'll agree, play an important role in any L/J fic. On the other hand, it's mainly fluff rather than big cliffies and developments but, hopefully it'll make up for that by being quite light and humorous rather than angsty for once. Basically, it is "a day in the life" of Lily and James.**

**In other words, it's very important that you read and review this chapter, because as I said, I'm not one hundred percent sure about how you guys will find it. To everyone, and I know you are way too many, whose reviews I didn't get round to replying to, all I can say is that it was my last week before the holidays and every waking moment was spent either finishing my three projects or studying for my four tests. I do apologise, and will turn over a new leaf with this chapter. PROMISE!!!! Okay? :)**

**Loads of love to everyone**

**Lili**

**xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx**

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All Over Again: Chapter 13

That was it; James Henry Potter was the most vindictive, odious, infuriating bastard on the planet who deserved to be boiled in oil, skinned alive and then fed to the nearest werewolf! After being force-fed one of his mouse-like friends horrendous attempts at potion making! Before being thrown out of Gryffindor Tower seven hundred and sixty-six times! Sixty-seven if the insensitive, conceited arsehole wasn't in the next sodding broom-cupboard she flung unceremoniously open.

Lily's eyes were flashing orbs of emerald lightening as she yanked the closet door open hard enough for it to slam into the stone wall. She hissed through white, gritted teeth, as only a selection of mops and buckets seemed to stare back at her mockingly. Damn James Potter!!

Broom closet number twelve was slammed shut with a loud bang, and the seething redhead resumed her search of the third floor, looking ripe for murder. It was half an hour into lunch break, she was extremely hungry but rather than being downstairs in the Great Hall enjoying her favourite chicken Kebab sandwiches, instead she was scouring the castle for the prick who was supposed to be her partner.

Students making there innocent way down to lunch shrank back into the wall of the corridor as the Head Girl marched furiously past, a goddess in her fiery rage. First years visibly gulped, and even some snooty Ravenclaws refrained from comment or complaint as Lily's shoulder shoved grumpily in to them as she passed.

In fairness to the furious redhead, there was a certain amount of justification for her rather obvious ill temper. To be forced to scour every broom closet in Hogwarts, simply to communicate with the boy she was supposed to work with for the entire year, had hit Lily's famous pride and even more famous temper, extremely hard. The crowning insult was that it was completely deliberate, a malicious blow to both her dignity and her heart, both already fragile from the kiss the night before.

Lily grasped her arms tightly around her, physically holding herself together as her furious pace slowed slightly. Her eyes closed unconsciously, and she bit her lip as the pain threatened to suffocate her once more. The adrenalin rush from seeing him rolling in fury and agony on the floor couldn't indefinitely suppress the flood of emotions he'd suddenly, so easily, brought back to the surface, and the cruelness of his behaviour since had stung, badly.

Lily slowed completely, until she was standing, back against the wall and shoulders slumped as everything just seemed to become too much. The emotions felt as heavy as stones, pulling her down, making her feel more weary than she had felt since the end of sixth year. Her burnished head fell back against the stones, and a small white tear seeped down a white cheek as she allowed herself the short, blissful moment of weakness. Even through her closed lids, all she could seem to see was him; his eyes burning with desire before he crushed her to him, his smirk as he tore her heart to shreds a moment later, and then his cruelness the morning after. That morning. Only a few short hours ago.

* * *

_Flashback_

_Pace, pace, pace. Pause. Pace, pace, pace. Why was she pacing anyway? Stupid legs. So what if he'd kissed her the night before? So what if it had been completely and utterly perfect and wonderful and so what if she'd laid awake all night long thinking about him and his lips and the intoxicating feeling of being crushed in his strong golden arms as he ravaged her very willing mouth. So what if he'd proceeded to break her heart all over again, and so what if she'd happened to glue with hands to his balls. It was completely by accident after all. Nothing to make a fuss about. Certainly nothing to justify pacing non-stop as she waited for him to emerge from his room for breakfast._

_She hissed inwardly. Of course it was just her luck. Just her luck that all that had happened the day before she needed to organise the meeting with the prefects. Shame she'd forgotten that little hitch whilst jumping up and down in glee in the safety of her room. Because if she hadn't forgotten that little detail, she wouldn't be here now, waiting to try and force the same boy into helping her later that day. _

_All in all, Lily was nervous as hell. James was sure to be spitting furious still and to be completely honest she couldn't really blame him. The hospital wing was on the second floor, and the ten minutes walk whilst still clutching his groin would have been enough to put any school idol into a rather nasty mood. _

_A small wicked grin lit her eyes. He had sooo deserved it though, and it had felt bloody good. But no, now was not the time to gloat on ones ill-timed cleverness. She had to be remorseful, sweet, charming; she could do this. She'd twist him round her little finger. It would be easy. She's lie through her teeth about being very sorry and very very ashamed, and he's be so chuffed at having won that he'd say yes right away. Foolproof. Damm she was a genius._

_Then the door opened, and no, she was definitely not a genius._

_He was standing there, haughty and handsome, flashing eyes and curled, derisive lip indicating all too well that simply batting her eyes would not get Lily very far on this one. She visibly gulped. He took a nonchalant step forward and made to stalk right past her, but she just managed to relocate her voice box in time before he arrived at the portrait hole._

_"Erm…Potter, we erm…we need to talk."_

_The silence was heavy as lead and she felt her courage fading fast as he paused, hand half way to the door handle. So much so, that when he finally turned silently on the spot, she could feel her hands shaking as she clasped them behind her back. His face was blank, head tilted slightly to one side as he observed the flush rising in her cheeks in silence. She hated it when he did this. He made her feel so small, so stupid; all from one faintly incredulous gaze. Then he spoke and she couldn't help but wince._

_"Go to hell, Evans." The words were gentle, lilting and almost sweet, the accompanying smile deadlier than hemlock. He turned back to the door and made once more to leave, but she forestalled him once again, determination and pride driving her on._

_"Potter this is serious. We've had a weeks grace thanks to Dumbledore, but we're still Head boy and Girl. The first meeting with the Prefects has to be today, in time for this evening's rounds, and they've all got to be told. We've got tonnes to do."_

_He paused once more and for a moment she thought he was simply going to leave, but a moment later he had spun around and was a mere meter in front of her. She cringed at his expression. He was smiling now, but looking at the pure malicious humour in his face, she rather thought she preferred him angry._

_His eyes were sparkling, the corner of his full lips quivering in suppressed amusement, but she wasn't fooled. He was still blazingly angry, and the mirth was only at the cruel sadistic pleasure of having her come to him for help. Sure enough he didn't disappoint._

_"Tell me Evans, during your long, pathetic nights of reading textbooks and dictionaries, you must have come across the definition for a certain little word." He leant in closer to her, and the evil, mocking glint in his eye became even more pronounced._

_"It's called irony, Evans. Sweet sweet irony. Ring any bells."_

_Lily gritted her teeth but with an effort, remained silent. A wide vicious grin spread over his face as he correctly read her carefully suppressed anger. His hazel eyes danced tauntingly, enjoying playing with her, a cat with its mouse._

_"The Great Lily Evans lost for words? What's the matter Red, no curses, hexes or even sweet little sticking spells today? I'm disappointed. You can't fool me into thinking you DON'T want to hex me into oblivion. Your pretty little eyes are trying murder me as we speak."_

_She forced out the words through gritted teeth. She couldn't do this without him; they both knew it. The Prefects would laugh in her face if she asked them herself. Lily Evans was an outcast, a freak. She needed him. which was why she shelved her furiously protesting pride to speak her next words._

_"I'm…sorry. For the sticking charm. Now please, help me organise this meeting."_

_Victory glowed in his eyes, cruel mocking victory as he smirked down at her rigid form. The chuckle escaped as he brought his brown hand to her chin and lifted her head so she looked directly into his face. The effort it took for her not to throw of his hand was evident in every shaking line of her body. He grinned back appreciatively, savouring her defeat to the full. _

_"You really take this Head Girl thing seriously, don't you. Even enough to grovel to the person you hate most in the entire world. You always were one of a kind."_

_The laughter in his eyes was almost affectionate as he watched hers flash in silent, rigid fury at his words. Despite himself, he couldn't help but be impressed. To shelve her pride in this way, to plead for help from her greatest enemy, it took guts and lots of them. But it didn't mean he would give in._

_He drew back his hand with a mocking apologetic shrug._

_"Sorry Evans, but no can do. My lunchtime schedule is entirely full, and as that's the only possible time for all the prefects to be present, I guess you'll just have to patrol all on your lonesome tonight." His eyes glinted wickedly, before continuing._

_"On the other hand, you're not being very persuasive yet. A little re-run of last night might just satisfy me enough to render my twelve o clock meeting with Taylor unimportant. There's still a whole hour before potions, easily enough time for you to convince me if you really put your mind to it."_

_He was closer now, too close. Close enough that for a few moments Lily found herself actually considering his disgusting proposal. But the wild fantasies were almost immediately pushed violently aside, and she glared up at him and spat back a vicious answer._

_"When hell freezes over, you arsehole!"_

_For a moment, something flickered over his beautiful face, but it was gone before her eyes could even fully widen. He stepped back nonchalantly, his trademark smirk firmly in place as he tossed his shaggy hair insolently out of his eyes._

_"Have it your way, Evans. But don't say I didn't offer."_

_He turned smartly on his heel and was gone, only his mocking laughter remained, echoing down the stone corridor to her ears long after he'd left._

_End of Flashback._

* * *

At first she'd been to angry to think straight, and by the time she joined her friends at the Gryffindor table for breakfast, she was already swearing to never ask James Potter for help ever again. Never again would she give the git that pleasure of seeing her stoop so low. Even if she had to patrol every night alone until she graduated.

But by the time first period was over, her natural good sense had returned. The prefects meeting had to be organised that day or else it would reflect on her as Head Girl. She finally realised that her only option was to tell the prefects herself, and so she's summoned up her courage after potions to approach the Ravenclaw prefects, disguising her nervousness as best she could.

The memory alone made Lily cringe. Amanda Spinnet's glossy-lipped sneer had been openly mocking. The stuck-up blonde had raised an over plucked eyebrow towards the girl who had jilted James Potter, with exaggerated incredulousness, before laughing out loud and walking away without a word. It had been unbearably humiliating and all the more because of the taunting smirk James had thrown at her before joining the giggling group of girls waiting for him outside the door. Lily had flushed redder than a tomato and even a few rebellious tears had threatened to escape but she'd pushed them back stubbornly. Narcissa Black and her old friend Mulciber had sneered in a similar manner and even the Hufflepuffs had come up with pitiful excuses as to why they couldn't make it.

It was times like these that brought home to Lily just how much she had lost when she'd invented that bet. Not only any chance with James, but also any respect and liking the Hogwarts population had ever had for her. She was an outcast, hated and despised. The title of Head Girl meant nothing in reality because to the prefects, she didn't deserve it.

Only James could have changed that. It irked her more than anything to know that if he had so wished, he could have organised the meeting in the blinking of an eye. The female Ravenclaws and Hufflepuffs were members of his fan club, explaining their undisguised loathing of Lily, and neither the males not the Slytherins were fool enough to disobey a direct order from the acknowledged king of the school. A single word would have sufficed had he only decided to speak it. But he hadn't, preferring to see her try her hardest alone before the certain failure would eventually lead to her losing her badge.

Reality was so lowering that Lily almost wanted to run to her room and cry. Her own helplessness was disgusting and unbearable to one to whom pride and dignity meant everything. But she was stubborn by nature, a trait that was the reason why she had spent the last half hour searching every broom closet on the third floor for her unsatisfactory partner.

He had to be here somewhere, for Merlin's sake. Sirius had sworn that he was in one of these disgusting lairs of lewdness, and he's even told her which one, if only she could remember. Lily stamped her foot in frustration. It was on the third floor he'd said, she was sure of that, though how Sirius knew was a question that she didn't even bother to puzzle over anymore. The Marauders always knew; long experience had taught her that.

Lily massaged her temples with stressed fingers, willing her unresponsive brain to remember her friend's exact words. Charms corridor, down to the statue of Eric the Oddball, then turn right and then left and finally left once more, and then second door on the right; she was sure that was it. A weary sighed and she traipsed once more back to the Charms corridor, ready to retrace her steps for what seemed like the thousandth time.

Hope had all but gone now. She'd been searching for over half an hour and she still hadn't found the dratted thing. Her glare burnt a metaphorical hole through the ugly head of Eric the Oddball as she passed for the fifteenth time, before almost screaming in frustration as the instructions led her to exactly the same place once again. The same corridor with the same broom closet that was STILL stubbornly empty. She snarled inwardly. Damm bloody James Potter. And his fake blond slut. Damm them both and their stupid teenage hormones.

She hit the wall in frustration when suddenly a sound made her prick up her ears. She swung round to glare at the door with furious eyes. The door that had just…giggled. Green emerald flashed as she threw the oak door open for the ninth time, staring into the small dark space suspiciously. Then a space somewhere near the floor seemed to shudder, like a mirage in the Sahara desert and Lily's eyes narrowed as the distortion suddenly disappeared.

Thinking hard, she carefully begun to shut the oak door, pausing a brief moment when suddenly she flew it back open, and aimed her wand directly into the emptiness with a shout of "Expulso!"

She had barely time to move out the way before two invisible figures were thrown hard out of the closet and into the stonewall opposite, one shrieking shrilly in pain as they fell entangled in a grey cloak to the floor.

Lily watched in mocking amusement as James furiously threw a bawling Taylor Swift off his torso and vaulted to his feet. His expression was ugly, the telltale muscle was twitching in his jaw as he strode fiercely towards her, tall and broad and imposing enough to make her heartbeat stutter just a little as he backed her into the stonewall.

"What the fuck do you think your playing at Evans?!" The snarl made Lily wince but she held her ground, glaring back at him fiercely.

"What I'm playing at? I'm not the one hiding like a baby in a broom closet rather than face any form of responsibility. I'm not the childish, spoilt little brat who thinks playing games with the person who, like it or not, he has to work with, is so amazingly funny. And I'm certainly not the one shagging some tarty little slag who's slept with more boys than she has pillows!"

Lily allowed her eyes to sneer pointedly at Taylor's bare breasts and crumpled skirt, before smirking towards James own horribly tempting bare chest. The muscles stood out proud and the gold skin glistened slightly from his previous…exertion. He glared down at her, rigid with fury, and beautiful enough to make her head spin.

"You really are pathetic Evans." The words were quiet but unmistakably vicious, and his eyes flashed as he leaned in closer so she could hear them.

"No one cares about your little fits of jealousy, Evans. No one. And you have no right to judge ANYone I sleep with, because not one of them comes close to being as big a slut as you."

She swallowed but refused to drop her gaze, fighting with everything she had to not give any hint as to how much his words were hurting. He continued, merciless, cold disgust twisting his voice as he lashed out at her.

"All of those 'slags' as you call them, I shag, all of them are worth ten of you because you know what, they actually fuck me because they really really want to. Not so they can run off back to their best friend and claim fifty galleons in winnings. You have no right to judge either them or me, Evans; because you're more of a slag than all of us put together."

The silence that followed was colder than ice, even Taylor stopped her whimperings from where she lay, still sprawled on the floor, obviously waiting for her lover to pick her up. But James was still glaring into his nemesis' eyes, deadly fury still burning in their depths.

It was Lily who moved, and a moment later it was Lily who broke the unfriendly, almost painful silence, her words echoing strangely of the walls, free of all emotion.

"Sixty points from Gryffindor, for inappropriate behaviour on the school premises." Then she spun on her heel and almost ran away, fighting desperately to keep the tears at bay until she was safely out of sight.

The words didn't sink in for almost a minute, when suddenly James' eyes lit with new fury as he realised she'd just taken sixty point from her own house. It was base and low and pure treachery and he was already running to catch up with her and make her give them back when a shrill voice made him halt in mid-flight.

"Jamiiiiiiiiii!! Help me Now!! I think my legs broken and my arm and everything and my beautiful face!!!"

He turned back to the blond with obvious impatience, but at heart he was still a gentleman, with a gentlemen's upbringing, and so, albeit cursing in all three of his native languages under his breath, he obediently helped the girl to her feet, untangling and retrieving the invisibility cloak he'd almost forgotten and accompanying her to the Hospital Wing that mercifully, wasn't too far away. As soon as she was safely disposed however, he wasted no time, unconsciously breaking into a run as he followed after his nemesis.

* * *

Thank Merlin for secret passageways, thought James as he finally caught sight of her burnished copper head, at the top of the massive marble staircase. His smug relief was such that he didn't immediately notice that Lily was no longer alone, and only the voice of a guy he recognised, made him stop behind a suit of armour, out of sight but not out of earshot, frowning in sudden inexplicable disapproval.

"Come on Lils. We'd be great together, Hogwarts hottest couple."

James' expression darkened. What the fuck did Jamie think he was doing?! Jamie Mclaggen, HIS keeper chatting up HIS Evans. Slimy git. James saw his knuckles whiten, as his grip on his suddenly exposed wand tighten almost enough to break it. Then Lily's voice echoed down the corridor to his ears and he frantically leaned in closer to catch the softly bemused but laughing tones.

"Jamie…you don't fancy me. You're Jenny's favourite…erm…"

"Shagging partner?" Jamie chuckled and James could almost hear his Lily flush slightly as she laughed nervously back.

"Basically, yes. So come on, where's this coming from?"

"You know Lils, you need to get more self-confidence. Is it so hard to imagine that a young, gorgeous, single thing like me wants to go out with a young, gorgeous, single thing like you?"

James gritted his teeth, for once infuriated rather than ammused by his teammate's natural charm with the ladies. Fucking git. Everyone knew he was both Jenny's best guy friend and best shagging buddy. They'd been close for years, perfectly content in their liberal, friends-with-benefits arrangement. It was an arrangement with no ties attached. Both could sleep with whoever they wanted on the side, no questions asked. The only stipulation was that Jamie never touched either Emily, Lily or Alice, at least in a non-platonic way. As a result he was quite a close friend of the girls, a little like an older brother, laughing and jokingly flirting but never serious. Jamie wouldn't get a long-term girl friend for love nor money. Especially not one of Jenny's off-limits best friends. So what was the guy playing at? Lily, thank God, seemed to be wondering the same question.

"Cut the flattery Jamie, and tell me why this sudden interest in becoming monogamous."

James heard the guy sigh in defeat.

"Okay, okay. MAYBE Jenny bribed me to go out with you to help you get back at James."

There was a long silence. James' own mouth dropped at his cousin's treachery. First the knee socks and now this? Jenny was hitting back hard in defence of her best friend and she was no novice at this game. No, she knew what she was doing, James begrudgingly conceded. If he'd been met, without warning, by the sight of Lily and Jamie snogging their heads of at dinner, he WOULD have been completely stumped. It was a low, low blow. Although knowing about it would lessen the shock, it still made him burn with furious envy. He wasn't sure if he could take it, seeing her in Jamie's arm, kissing Jamie's lips. Not after having kissed her last night. Damm the bitch! Damm her for doing this to him!

His anger was such that he almost missed Lily's answer, hesitant at first, but then stronger.

"That's sweet Jamie, really. But…I can't."

"Why not? He deserves it, if only for practically shagging the bitch while others are trying to eat in peace." The scowl was almost audible, and James silently echoed Lily's laugh. Jamie did like his food. Anyone who interrupted his meal was swiftly and comprehensively…persuaded, to never repeat the same error twice. Anyone apart from his captain. Lily answered with deliberate calm, but James could almost see her eyes twinkling brightly in laughter.

"Atrocious, isn't it. And you so in need of nourishment Jamie. I wonder you didn't challenge him to a wizards duel."

The broad-shouldered Quidditch player laughed appreciatively but was almost immediately serious once more, and his next words made James silently swear to never let the guy set foot on a Quidditch pitch again.

"Come on Lils, fight back, hit him where it hurts like he's doing to you. He deserves it, whether he's my captain or not." Well he certainly wouldn't be his Captain much longer, James growled. Lily sighed before answering.

"I can't. I just can't…do that to him. It's so pathetically petty, and low and bitchy and…I won't do something like that…just to hurt him. If it would even hurt him. He probably doesn't give a damm Jamie. And even if he does…that's just not me."

There was a pause and James could only gape, staggered at what he'd heard.

"Is that really why Lils? Or is it really because all you want is him. And you still can't bear to be with anyone else."

James recovered from his shock enough to edge as close as possible without being seen, suddenly yearning for her answer, all anger forgotten in the sudden treacherous hope that she might feel something for him. The pause seemed to last a lifetime, and he inwardly screamed for her to say something, anything to put him out of his misery.

"Hurting him…it just doesn't solve anything."

The half-answer made James snarl in frustration, but he was also suddenly stunned to the core. He heard Jamie walk away, just like he heard Lily sigh and do the same, but it didn't really register. All he could feel was one, slowly increasing emotion building steadily in his breast, one he hated, despised above all else. Guilt.

* * *

James sank to the floor, eyes wide as they stared into space. Why? Why hadn't she taken the opportunity offered. He would have. He'd have wasted not one second before jumping at the chance to hurt her, strike back in such viciously effective way. Why hadn't she done the same?

She hated him, loathed him more than anyone in the world. They both despised each other with a passion, almost as strongly as they still lusted after each other. Only on his side it was something more than lust. Something that kept him awake night after night, dreaming of her smile, her laugh as well as the feeling of clasping her finally in his arms once more. He stupidly cared about her still, whereas she only wanted to shag him. Nothing more. It had never been anything more.

So why hadn't she hit back. He'd hurt her badly, so many times in the last two days alone. He'd seen it in her eyes when he'd practically fucked Taylor Swift in the middle of the Great Hall. Just as he'd seen her break in two as he'd cruelly taunted her a mere moment after that kiss. The kiss that had haunted him hour after hour, replaying in his mind until his alarm went off for breakfast the next morning. The kiss that had almost made him weaken. Almost made him fall for her one more time. Almost made him allow her to play him for a fool, all over again. But he'd held on. Barely. Thanks to his ever-constant feelings of betrayal.

But she hadn't hurt him back. She'd refused. Said no. Said she wouldn't go that far. Almost said she wouldn't hurt him. Could she really mean that? Had Jamie been right? Could she really not bear to see him in pain?

James shook his head suddenly. He was being dumb. Of course she didn't give a damm about hurting him. She'd torn his heart to pieces in one sick blow almost a year ago now. She'd hadn't cared then. She'd even laughed, those emerald eyes mocking and cruel as she'd thanked him tauntingly for helping her earn fifty galleons. And then she'd gone, strutted away, with all the smugness of victory, and he'd watched her go, broken inside, his heart a gaping wound.

He'd needed her more than air, craved her like water and for the first time in his life, he'd loved a girl enough to marry her the very next day. He would have given her the world if she'd asked for it. Of his own accord he'd decided to give her the next best thing, his reputation, his freedom. And she'd stamped on him. For the first time ever he'd bowed down to somebody, and she'd kicked when he was down. Even now, a year later, the wound still ached and bled. And she still haunted him, her face, her laugh, her eyes, hair, lips, everything about her he craved and it ate him up inside until last night, he'd cracked. He'd given in to the desire that tormented and tortured him and he'd kissed her once more, after all this time, and once again, he was lost. Because after that kiss, every emotion had been let loose. Nothing could distract him. She haunted him from dawn to dusk, and even five shags in as many hours still left him burning for her and her alone.

She'd torn him to pieces, but now she declared she couldn't hurt him? Why?!! The question rang again and again in his mind, tossed and turned like a ship in a storm. It was strange though; apart from that one day, she'd never really lashed out at him.

He frowned at the flagstones, trying to recall the last time or any time for that matter, she'd maliciously tried to hurt him. But he couldn't. Even when he'd tortured her daily, throughout almost the entire sixth year, she'd never once really retaliated. She'd ignored, and retreated and ignored again, never hitting back, never deliberately starting their typical fights. Was it really all him? Was it really possible? That she'd never once tried to hurt him back after all he'd put her through. The pranks and torments flew through his mind, and that feeling of guilt became stronger and stranger until he felt almost sick. Was she really that much of a better person than he was? Could she have felt guilty? Regretted what she'd done? Surely not, her gloating expression, the vengeful glint in her eyes, he remembered it to this day. She hated him, loathed him, despised him, but...she still refused to hurt him.

Did he really have to hurt her? Was it really, in all honesty, worth it? He'd been a bastard last night after the kiss. He deserved the knee kick and possibly even the humiliation afterwards, for his cruel taunt as they'd drawn apart. Even if he'd only been scared stiff, petrified by his own actions, horrified at the sudden abandon of all his famous self-control. He hadn't know what the hell to do. HE'D kissed her, he couldn't even blame it on her, and the sudden realisation that he was still as hopelessly in love with her as ever, had had him kicking into reverse at one hundred miles an hour.

In desperation he'd ran to the Gryffindor Girl's dorm as soon as his hands were unstuck, jumping on Taylor with a furious need to drag his thoughts away from the redhead he so badly wanted to fuck. And he hadn't stopped since, doing his best to avoid his nemesis in an attempt to get his head straightened out. But of course she'd been waiting for him and seeing her standing there outside his door, it had taken everything he had, just to stop himself from dragging her into his room with him and locking the door.

He frowned slightly as he thought the request she'd hesitantly made. It had been reasonable, and it had taken a lot of courage to make it. Just as it had taken even more courage to try and convince the prefects to attend the meeting of their own accord. Of course they'd refused. He'd made sure they would, bribed and blackmailed them with kisses or hexes, into ignoring the commands of the Head Girl and all in all, treating her like shit.

That was all he ever seemed to do really; treat her like shit. She'd been absolutely right, it had been childish and pathetic and cruel, and more to the point, not even really justified. The last time she'd hurt him had been a year ago. The last time he'd hurt her had been under ten minutes.

Of course he still loathed her and he certainly didn't forgive what she's done to him. But maybe it was time to lessen the revenge a little. He didn't have to carry on this all out war on her. He could do as she did. Hate him and argue with him to their hearts content without stooping to such low, below the belt tactics. Was he ready for that, to almost give in the towel. She could. She had. And that decided him. No WAY was she more of a Gryffindor than he was.

James got to his feet, determination suddenly set his hazel eyes on fire, as he looked at his gold watch. About an hour and twenty minutes before classes resumed. He'd better get a move on.

* * *

Lily's face was the picture of unconcern as she sat quietly between Emily and Alice. Only the slight dullness of her usually sparkling eyes betrayed how worried and weary she really felt. Her friends had questioned her, numerous times in fact, but the only answers she'd returned were non-committal. The redhead was lost in her thoughts and her friends, recognising the signs, wisely left her to them, deducing that when Lily felt up to it, she would tell them what was up. Pressure only made Lily clam up like oyster, and her friends had no wish to see her go into lockdown. So they chatted between themselves, keeping only a discreet but watchful eye on their friend as the lunch break passed.

Almost every student was present by now, as well as the teachers, and the Great Hall babbled happily as it three hundred hungry pupils sated their appetite.

The peace was suddenly disturbed by the loud opening of the enormous doors, and, out of habit, three hundred pairs of eyes turned to stare curiously at the latecomer, before half of them broke into happy smiles of glee as the tall, irresistible figure of James Potter swaggered into the vast vaulted room.

To the crowd's surprise, he made his nonchalant way to the middle of the Great Hall, instead of his habitual place with the Marauders. Every eye followed him move, marvelling at his manly grace with either jealous or admiring eyes. As he approached the Teachers dais, James looked up to catch the Headmasters gaze and Dumbledore indicated his assent with gracious nod.

James spun back round to face the student body which was now watching his every step. And of course being James Potter, he smirked. But his amusement at their bemused faces was swiftly pushed aside, and to the room's surprise, he opened his mouth and proceeded to address the silent students in a rich carrying tone that caused may females to sigh dopily.

"Right, this is a notice to all the prefects, from the Head Girl and myself. The prefects meeting has been scheduled to now, as most of you I believe were informed but seem to have decided to ignore. So I'm here just to remind you that anyone who does not turn up at the Head Common Room in under ten minutes, will be at a very serious risk of losing his badge. Yep, that goes for you too, Moony.' he winked at the werewolf who had raised an amused, incredulous eyebrow at him, before continuing.

"Count yourselves warned. The Head Girl and myself will see you there in ten minutes, and to the rest of you, well...ignore every thing I just said. Have a nice lunch."

He flashed his gleaming trademark grin, which widened as he picked out the twenty-four prefects staring at him in open-mouthed horror, and made his arrogant way over to where an equally stunned red-head sat.

She watched him walk towards her, in complete shock. It was surreal, her mind was screaming that she HAD to be dreaming. He'd just organised the prefects…as she'd asked him to do…just like that. What on earth...?

All at once his tall, delicious frame was right in front of her, and a warm brown hand pulled her out of her seat with surprisingly gentle firmness. She looked at her friends for help, but they stared back as bemused as her, and minute later she was being led by the hand towards the Head Dorms. He was holding her hand, she registered vaguely. After their huge fight only a quarter of an hour ago, now he was helping her and holding her hand into the bargain? What the Hell??

He suddenly came to an abrupt halt and she stumbled into him, slightly dazed and her hand feeling strangely empty as he withdrew it and spoke the password to the Portrait Hole that was suddenly in front of them. How had he done that? They arrived here in under a minute? A moment later he was pushing her forward this time, leading her towards the oak table, talking all the while.

"Now listen, I have NO idea what we've got to say to these guys, so I hope to God you do, and that you're going to let me in on the secret, which as I've just been supremely generous, in all honestly, seems to be the least you can do, though of course we've only got about ten minutes, so a brief summery will have to…"

"Potter! Shut up!" He turned to glare at her, but she was staring at him like she'd seen a ghost, and her expression made his lips twitch despite himself.

"What the… Why did you just do that?" He he gaped at her, incredulous but amused despite himself.

"I'm not sure this is really quite the time Evans. In case you haven't noticed, they're coming in about seven minute's time. So maybe if we covered this later?"

She stepped abruptly towards him, so that suddenly her face was only inches from his own, and her eyes were blazing fires.

"Fine. But we WILL talk about this later." He side-glanceed away, mumbling his non-commital answer.

"Look, whatever…"

"JAMES!" There was suddenly silence, as he broke off from the shock of hearing her say his name aloud. Hazel stared into fierce green and instinctively he gave in, gave her what she wanted, whatever she wanted she had to have, he couldn't resist that burning look.

"Fine. Later then. I swear. But right now we have other issues. Notably the fact that I have no clue about what being a prefect, or a Head Boy for that matter, entails. Apart from having very big bathrooms."

For a moment she could only stare back. He'd made a joke. With her. What was this? But no, she could think about that later, right now they had work to do, and fast. She sat down at the table, pointing to a chair opposite, for him to do the same. He did and it surprised her once more, and she glanced at him speculatively as he lounged in his seat across from her.

"Basically the main thing is to sort out the patrols. Different prefects patrol in pairs from eight to ten, two pairs a night, every day of the week, roughly twice a week for each pairing."

"Right, what about after ten?"

"That's our job. We patrol every night, from ten to eleven on weekdays, ten till twelve at weekends. Any questions?"

"Just the one. Where's the bin marked 'Social Lives'? Because I have a feeling I won't be using mine anymore."

Lily's lips twitched at his coment and suddenly moody expression, and for a moment she felt the old need to kiss away his sulks, as she used to in the old days. But they were long gone, and Lily pushed the thought aside as she continued the briefing.

"You're allowed one night off a month, of your choice, but it's down to the prefect in question to find someone to cover for him. And of course, most important of all, patrols must never be done alone."

"That wouldn't be a dig about this morning would it?"

She looked up and met his eyes. They were mocking as ever but…she couldn't explain it. There was something different. A noticeable lack of his customary cruelty. They were by no means friendly, but…different. It was strange, but what was worrying was the way that difference made her heart suddenly pound in her chest, and she found her self thinking wildly that he mustn't start being nice to her. She didn't think she could take it.

As if to repudiate her thoughts he answered his own question, voice infinitesimally sharper.

"Nah, that would be too subtle for you wouldn't it Red."

His white teeth gleamed at her and her eyes flashed in anger before she coldly replied.

"That's basically all you need to know so as not to make a complete and utter fool out of yourself, at least no more so than usual."

The hazel orbs locked with hers, the light of battle in their glowing depths, but before he could throw her the retort burning on his lips, there was a knock on the portrait hole, and the moment was lost as they turned towards the sound instinctively.

Lily made to get up out of her seat, but James was already ahead of her. He strode to the portrait hole, and turned, hand resting lightly on the doorknob, enigmatic eyes locking with hers as he threw one last caustic comment over his broad shoulder.

"Let's get the party started. After all, it's probably the most exciting one you've ever been to"

* * *

Half an hour later, Lily collapsed onto the crimson sofa with a mega-sigh of relief. It was over, thank God. The timetable had been drawn up, and Remus had good-naturedly convinced Mary McDonald to agree to take the first night's patrol with him. For once, the brunette's infatuation with her tawny haired, now fellow prefect, since she'd had replaced Lily in her role, was something to be eternally grateful about, as indeed was Remus' newly restored friendship.

Eyes blissfully shut, she heard her fellow head make his nonchalant way over to the window seat, and follow her weary lead, right down to the exhausted sigh. The silence was peaceful for a few brief moments, until James sarky voice cut across the room.

"You know what? That was so much fun, lets NOT do it again any time soon. I'm not sure my throat could take it."

Lily rolled her eyes.

"Your throat would be perfectly fine if you hadn't insisted on yelling normally to get everyone to shut up each time. They invented the Sonorous charm for a reason, you know."

She opened her green eyes to see him glaring half-heartedly at her, but a second later, he fell back against the cushions, deeming her comment unworthy of a response, especially when he was having a hard time breathing let alone speaking. A few minutes later, his eyes were fluttering closed and his face seemed almost angelic as it relaxed and it's owner fell into a light doze. It made him seem younger, more vulnerable, more like the happy-go-lucky guy she'd fallen head-over-heels in love with.

The midday sun scintillated through the open window to fall across his face and torso, setting his gold skin aglow, and casting the chiselled planes of his manly features into greater prominence than ever. He was soon breathing heavily, the crisp white shirt and loose tie, rising and falling steadily with regular breathing, and the knowledge made her yearn to creep over and brush his messy black locks back from his forehead as she used to do, so many months ago.

It was strange how little had really changed since this time last year, Lily thought sadly. Asleep, he still ressembled a sunlit angel, his thick lashes brushing his bronze cheeks as they fluttered to the rhythm of his slow, easy breaths. He still captivated her so completely.

Lily sighed and looked at her watch. Still some twenty minutes before they had to be in Defence Against the Dark Arts. He deserved a nap. Lily settled herself comfortably against the velvet cushions, allowing her tiered eyes to rest on his sleeping form. She would stay and let him rest, then wake him up in time for DADA. A ruefully mischievous smile tug the corner of her lips. Of course this was only because he'd helped her out. It had absolutely nothing whatsoever to do with the fact her heart was already stuttering at the mere thought of being able to stare at him for a whole twenty minutes without risk of detection. Of course not, she laughed ruefully. Nothing whatsoever.

* * *

Mmmmm. Lily sighed in pure bliss. God she loved the feel of his hands, revelling in the wonderful feeling as they ran slowly down her cheeks, before tucking a tendril of red behind her ear. She leaned into the heavenly touch, and his name escaped, feather light from her softly parted lips.

"James."

The contact was suddenly gone, and she creased her face into a frown as all at once, her skin felt cold. Her head moved unconsciously towards where his hand had last been, searching impatiently for him, but finding only soft velvet instead. Eves still closed, she pouted, when suddenly his voice made her smile once more in happiness as he said her name.

"Evans."

Strange, she registered vaguely, why was he calling her by her surname, instead of Lils, or even Lily? But it wasn't quite time to open her eyes yet, and thinking would definitely mean waking up. No. No, no, no. Just a little bit longer.

"Evans!"

Louder this time, and she rolled away from the voice of her mean boyfriend as he cruelly tried to deprive her of her well-earned sleep. Remind her to tickle him to death later. Bad James.

There was a light laugh suddenly, before he spoke again.

"Yeah, I know I'm a very bad person, but we still need to get to Defence lesson in under thirty-eight seconds, Red. So if you could go back to abusing me later?"

The questions were coming too fast now, so that locking them out of her very tired brain was becoming more and more difficult. The words relating to schoolwork alone were already dragging her away from the very warm, comfortable oblivion and back towards what looked to be a suspiciously evil sunny room. In a last ditch attempt she flapped the air above her with a half-hearted hand, before rolling back into the depths of the couch.

"Don't say I didn't warn you Red."

Again with the Red. Why… AHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!

Lily's eyes flashed open to frantically survey the world from her new surroundings, in other words the floor. For a moment she could only stare blankly up at the wickedly mocking face above her, when suddenly, memory came flooding back all at once and she gasped, horror-struck as reality hit.

Shock was followed almost a moment later by a weird mixture of fury and embarrassment, and one or both turned her white cheeks a stunning shade of crimson. His eyes were still dancing wickedly at her, and as she struggled dopily to her feet she glared up at his mocking figure, lounging against the wall, arms casually folded and eyes glinting down at her as she stood up.

She glared at him balefully, inwardly cursing him with every swear word she knew when suddely he brough her out of her thoughts with his wickedly mocking, velvet voice.

"Yeah, I know. BAD James."

Lily flushed redded than her hair, wishing devouptly that the flor would just swallow her up now. Why had she said that out loud. Damm her dreams, damm HIM. Her expression of outraged humiliation made him give a shout of laughter, but before she could begin the tirade that was suddenly bursting from her lips he had already pushed towards the portrait hole, his velvet voice still shaking slightly with repressed mirth as he said

"Come on Red, we don't want to spoil your spotless detention record for being late now do we? Your rep as perfect priss might never recover."

She snarled silently at him as he guided her out of the open door, stalking ahead, nose in the air as she tried to ignore his very existence. Like hell she was going to walk to class with that bastard.

"You'll be late if you go that way, Red."

Her only answer was a crude hand signal from behind her retreating back, and he shook his head mockingly, watching her go with evil eyes, before turning and heading towards one of his favourite secret passageways. Being Chief of the Marauders definitely had it's perks.

* * *

"What?!"

Lily mouth fell open in complete and utter horror. Surely this had to be a nightmare. This wasn't possible. The new teacher, Professor Vespers hadn't really just said what she thought he'd said. It had to be a joke. No!!

"Yes, you will be working with Mister Potter for the whole year. As you are both Head Students and yet seem to apparently lack the ability to be on time, you should have enough in common to hopefully work well together this year. Now please sit down, and get to work."

Lily walked to the designated seat in a daze. Working with Potter, for the entire YEAR?! No! What had she done to deserve even more torture. She already had to spend time with him OUTSIDE lessons. Now she had to work with him during her classes too? It just wasn't fair!

He was sprawled in his chair, hazel eyes glinting evilly at her as she took the seat beside him. She returned the look with a fierce glare. He was loving this, the bastard. Another three hours a week in which he could make her life miserable. Her anger soared to greater heights when she realised he'd arrived a whole ten minutes before her. He'd somehow managed to be only two minutes late, the arsehole. Stupid, arrogant, infuriating git. Damm him and his knowledge of the school. And damm his infuriatingly gorgeous eyes that were still laughing at her.

His delight at her frustration made her eyes flash most magnificently and he smirked humourlessly back.

"Remember that little word Evans?" She grit her teeth in a silent snarl, refusing to meet his mocking gaze.

"Irony, Evans. Sweet, sweet Irony."

* * *

**Et Voila!! Well come on let me have it, what do ya think? Of course this is also more like part one of another big chapter. Next time we'll see how their patrols go, as well as the Quidditch Trials, both of which I promise will be a lot more exciting. He he he. I think I'm warming up to this chapter a little. Rereading it, and correcting and changing bits as I go along seem to have improved it a little but it's still…different to most of the other chapters. So do set my mind at rest and tell me what you think lol.**

**Of course, the other reason I'm laying on the "Give me reviews" very very thick lol, is that I'm unbearably close to having 300 reviews for this story. Youpiiiiiiiiii :D :D :D You have no idea how that would make me happy, for this chapter push me past that milestone. So pleeeeeease lol.**

**R&R ;)**


	14. Chapter 14

**Hi there to all my readers. Well I know, I have got lot's of apologies to make sigh, I feel very useless lol, but bear with me. :)**

**First of all , I'm sorry for the lateness of this chapter. I've never passed the weekend before, and hopefully I never will again lol. This week was a little busy because of a family holiday and a lot of homework to do over my (sadly over now) holiday. But I did finish all my projects YAY!!! And even got in some revision time lol but doing all that meant that I DIDN'T fulfil my other promise sigh, which leads me to apology number two.**

**You may or may not remember that I promised to reply to each and every review as I've always tried to do lol. Unfortunately , I didn't quite make it, think I got to roughly thirty out of the forty and had to give up because of hand cramps lol. I guess I've had to accept that it probably won't be possible to answer every bodies review every week, and I am sorry for it, because it's actually one of my favourite parts of writing this fanfic. I will how ever try to reply to as many as possible, but I will warn you now that I might not get round to you. I am VERY VERY sorry!**

**Some questions however keep popping up and so as I haven't got around to replying to some here's a few answers that I owe to quite a few people lol. :)**

**-I update on Saturdays, or at least I try to lol. Once a week, aiming for the weekend just about covers it.**

**-So far this story is planning out to be somewhere around thirty to thirty-five chapters long, but this is really changing every week because every week new ideas come and replace the old ones lol. However you will be glad to know that there is a general plotline, and that plotline should hopefully be covered in somewhere around thirty-five chapters. If it does change however, I'll keep you posted.**

**-Sirius is a little more present in this chapter, though only in the second half, but I say this to all my fellow Sirius fans who missed him last chapter he IS in this one, though more through Lily's viewpoint, and NEXT chapter he will have a very very big role !!he he he :)**

**-Finally, many people were understandably extremely frustrated with James' complete and utter DUMBNESS in regards to not realising Lily is head over heel for him. I suppose, all I can say is, yes he is dumb when it comes to Lily. Sure he's a genius and everything, but when it comes t emotions he's really quite useless. Partly it's a guy thing, but it's really more to do with the fact that he's spent a whole year convincing himself that she never loved him and he HAS to stop loving her, that he's finding it very very hard to see past that prejudice now. James is black and white; he doesn't do grey, which is why any change is a big thing for him, and it will take a BIG event to finally convince him of her sincerity. He he he ;)**

**I thinks that's about all for now, so I'll simply say I hope you like this chapter, and I will also say good luck, as I've just looked at the word count and it's up in the thirteen thousands. God do I ramble! Oh well, I hope you guys like it anyway, and see you in roughly three hours time lol.**

* * *

All Over Again: Chapter 14

Music. The physical expression of a human soul. Notes transformed into sparkling beads of emotion and then strung together by the composer to give audible form to the raw and unforgiving reflection of his deepest depths. A silken chain that threads though the listener's mind and unbeknownst to them, ensnares and captures it, until the hold is finally strong enough to wrench them from reality's grasp and pull them over the rainbow, across the bridge that separates fantasy from fact, and into the painful world of "If only"s and "What might have been"s.

He felt that hold now, the soft tendrils of longing brushing his heart, as the strings seemed to dance of their own accord beneath his brown fingers, bringing back the memories. The soft, flickering firelight, the quiet gentle strumming of the guitar; all that was missing were the people around him. His mother leaning back against the sofa, her head slowly dropping onto Dad's shoulder. _Mami _rocking back and forth, one and two, creak...creak in her favourite rocking chair by the massive stone hearth, knitting needles working busily away on yet another woollen creation. And of course, the gnarled fingers of _Grandpère Monroe_, brown on brown, coarse on smooth as they corrected over and over again his grandson's playing.

The gentle Spanish folksong wafted sweetly around the stone room as it had all those years ago. A time when love songs still warmed the cold winter nights, making eyes smile and lips sigh in small content. Back before the War had really started, before _Mamie_ had succumbed to the Spanish influenza, before his gruff, scowling _Grandpère_ had finally left the world and the music he adored, to join his wife in final sleep. But not before he'd taught his Grandson everything he knew.

James felt his hazel eyes well up as the strings hummed and called him home, and as he squeezed them tight against the pain, he could hear the old man's voice chasten him for losing to the music, the rough tones still melodic despite the passing years.

"You play the music, _mon p'tit_, it must not play you. You invoke the emotions. Others lose themselves in them. _Lache_!. _Maintenant_!."

But he was losing the fight. His hands moved, faster and faster, the notes escaping of their own accord, the melody too familiar for James to pull back now. His eyes stared into the space before him, glowing in sweet madness, scarlet lights flickering in their depths, but not from the flames that strained against the stone fireplace. The copper mane flashed and danced like a spray of molten gold, and she spun before his minds eye, her eyes glinting emeralds, smiling and enticing, her lips pinker than the ripest of fruit. Painfully beautiful, sinfully innocent, she twirled and pranced to the Spanish love song, ever faster to match his burning fingers.

The music climbed higher, gaining speed and passion as the end approached, the end he knew was coming, as certain as the dawn, because he remembered this song, and the pain and heartbreak as the two lovers were torn apart by pride, stubbornness, and finally death. The final note flew, her eyes locked with his, pleading for him to stop, but the story had but one ending, and so she turned and followed the last agonising sound, driven over the cliff by despair and need for the person fate had cruelly denied her. And in the silence of his mind, he could hear his own voice call in grief, call her back, scream for her forgiveness, the sound echoing back mockingly to his ears as the guitar slipped from his fingers, the heavy clang echoing the knife thrust that the young man delivered into his own heart.

James leant back against the cushions, breaths coming raggedly and painfully, hands trembling before he opened his eyes to reality once more. The last echoes of the song lingered in the Heads Common Room, and he pushed back the inevitable feelings of longing and loss. It had been the last one _Grandpère_ had taught him; the most difficult, the most beautiful and the very saddest. It seemed fitting.

He looked up and her eyes met his, echoing the emotions so completely that his heart almost tore apart. Her nymph-like form was framed by the oak doorway to her room, and the imposing structure made her seem all the smaller and more fragile. The copper locks hung around her agonised face, green eyes soft, pink lips open in silent longing.

For a moment the spell held, and James swallowed back the pain as their souls reached out for the other in long-denied yearning.

Then he tore away, eyes and heart, and rose to his feet, looking anywhere but her. His hands unconsciously reached for the abandoned guitar and placed it lovingly on the couch. James turned to the portrait hole and spoke in a voice that sounded nothing like his own.

"I know; Patrol. Let's go."

* * *

It was strange how different the castle suddenly became after nightfall. Shadows crept eerily up the stonewalls, small sounds seemed magnified by ten and the silence between the two Head Students lay heavy like a blanket as they walked side by side down the empty corridors.

Strange, thought Lily. Usually she loved the night. The silence always seemed welcoming to her, peaceful and comforting. But tonight her pulse was racing, her heart pumping uncomfortably somewhere in her throat. Near blinded by the darkness, every one of her remaining senses seemed to be on overdrive; she could hear every breath, every footstep, she could smell the mixture of spice and freshness of her companions' cologne, and she could feel. His proximity was intoxicating, making the hairs on her neck stand up on end, sending small pleasurable shivers down her spine every time his movement brought them momentarily closer. It was as if she'd drank fifty cups of coffee one after the other; every nerve was stretched to breaking point, and every inch of her body seemed to be on fire.

She took another deep breath, the hundredth in the last half hour, and snuck yet another glance at him. Just like every other time, he wasn't looking at her, eyes fixed on the gloom ahead, but from time to time, as they passed a window, the silver moonlight would capture his profile and make her catch her breath at the harsh, masculine beauty.

Contrary to her, he seemed completely at ease, alert but confident, his stride smooth and purposeful as he moved one graceful leg in front of the other. But she could tell he was being deliberately careful. His face was once more a mask, cold and closed unlike the strange openness he'd had earlier that day, and she wondered at it.

Throughout the entire afternoon, he'd acted strange. The camaraderie from the Head's Dorms had lessened, but he'd still stayed determinedly close, close and infuriating. Every action, every word he'd spoken had been specially designed and calculated to piss her off.

In Transfiguration he'd decided to show of as ever, by transforming his inanimate object into a Phoenix instead of the desired crow, and more to the point he'd used HER pencil case as his inanimate object!! Lily felt her blood boil as she remembered his smug face as he'd been awarded twenty points to Gryffindor for his arrogant, look-at-me, display and Lily had had to wait until the end of the class before Professor McGonagall would permit her to change it back.

Charms had been almost as bad. For some strange reason, Jenny's wand had been inexplicably redirected away from the plant she was trying to charm into flashing the seven colours of the rainbow. Instead, Lily had spent the whole lesson flashing from red to violet and back again until Professor Flitwick, could stop giggling for long enough to remove the spell. Jenny had apologised over and over again, but the demonic glint in James eyes was enough to convince Lily that her friend had been entirely blameless in the affair, and she'd proceeded to glare at the gorgeous arsehole, for the entire duration of the lesson.

Dinner had mercifully been much more bearable. The airheads of the school had successfully surrounded the Marauders during the entire meal, preventing Potter to do anything but smirk down the table at her, in between long, slurpy kisses with his happily restored blond bitch. But even that had been enough to wind Lily up and if looks could kill, James Potter would have been lying dead on the floor two hundred and thirty six times in total. Jenny had mischievously counted. Even as she'd said good-bye and good night to the girls, Lily's eyes had still been flashing over to where her nemesis was grinding into Taylor's buttocks, so the expressions of fear on the different portraits faces as she'd passed had been really quite justified.

The portrait hole to the Head Common Room had been thrown open, if not with a slam, at least with a decided snap and Lily had thrown herself onto the wonderfully comfortable couch and closed her emerald eyes in an attempt to  
'cool it' as Jenny often said. It hadn't been easy though; thoughts of the messy haired Head Boy who would undoubtedly be returning sometime soon, had continued to plague her, until the object of her ill humour had swaggered through the portrait hole, cool as you please, informing Lily with a smirk that she had about an hour to pretty herself up before their 'alone time'.

Just thinking about it made Lily's eyes darken in anger. Alone time her arse. His manner, the arrogant wink he'd thrown over his shoulder at her before disappearing into his room, had made Lily's famous redhead temper ignite into a blaze. In fury she'd stormed into her own dorm, slamming the door behind her, cursing James Potter with every name under the sun and thrown herself onto her four-poster to scream into her pillow.

And then she'd heard the music. Soft, lilting notes of sweetness, slipping under the oak door to her unwillingly curious ears, and she'd lifted her head to listen in growing awe. The song was soft but charming, and Lily had smiled as the melody danced playfully and flirtatiously; the essence of young love. And despite herself, Lily couldn't resist. The notes coaxed and enticed and she'd found herself tiptoeing to the door to lay her ear to the oak panel, in an attempt to hear better. But still the sound was muffled, and Lily had itched to open the door and see if it really could be James playing the wondrous sweet sound.

And it had been. Sitting at the window, the first beams of moonlight picking out his closed eyes, black lashes and brown fingers that were caressing the strings to create the notes. Her silent gasp had gone unnoticed. He was lost in the music, far away where not even she could reach him. His lips moved to unsung words, and the song had begun to escalate. The notes had come faster and faster and faster until his fingers were a blur as they strummed the strings quicker than the eye could see. Lily had felt her heart tremble in fear as somehow, suddenly she knew where the music was leading them, the only possible ending. His eyes had flashed open, wide and agonised as they'd stared at something she couldn't see, but she'd felt his pain and yearning and she'd mourned with him, eyes welling up with tears for a heartbreak she couldn't understand. All she could feel was the sadness, the feeling of doom as the song flashed like thunder, louder and louder, faster and faster until the last final crescendo and she'd gasped at the sudden onslaught of emotions that tore at her heart.

She'd watched the beautiful instrument slip from his now motionless fingers and then he'd looked at her, golden orbs burning into hers with an intensity that had almost made her collapse to the floor. Even from this distance, his passion, his raw burning power threatened to consume her and her poor stuttering heart, before suddenly he'd released her, removing the prison of his eyes and allowing her to escape. He'd let her go, thrust her away before she could give in to his fire.

* * *

His sudden halt pulled her out of her musings and she looked up at him with curious eyes. He was tense as a cat, eyes narrowed and breathing soft and even as he listened to the darkness. Lily strained her ears, searching for whatever it was that had made him stop. She could hear nothing. The charms corridor was empty and silent, save the light snores of the occupants of a couple of the portraits. Three huge windows threw a criss-cross pattern onto the stone slabs and velvet rug, the streaming moonlight would reveal even the stealthiest of intruders. Lily frowned, confused. There was nothing here. And still James stood there, silently listening.

Finally Lily could take it no more and she opened her mouth to ask the question burning on her lips when suddenly James' head spun faster than the eye could see. She followed his scorching gaze, but only the shadow of one of the suits of armour looked back at her. Then James spoke, softly and reassuringly as he finally met her gaze.

"Nothing. Must have been imagining things. Lets go."

He indicated for her to move ahead and, with one last doubtful frown at him, she did so, and the watcher permitted himself the smallest sigh of relief.

His disillusionment charm was perfect, in the gloom he was all but invisible, but still something niggled. Potter had still somehow sensed he was there; how? He hadn't made a sound. No human could have picked up on his presence, so why had he stopped?

She was walking away now. Her copper mane somehow silver in the bright moonlight and he sighed once more, this time in wistful longing. She was still heartbreakingly perfect.

The sigh was silent even to his own ears, but to the observer's shock Potter's head suddenly spun around and impossibly, his arrogant eyes burned into his own invisible ones. The watcher's breath caught. Time stood still and Potter glared him with impossible, hateful comprehension. No! it wasn't possible! He couldn't know, just couldn't.

The contempt in that burning gaze made the watchers blood boil, and his fingers inched towards his wand in yearning. Merlin, how he hated him. The arrogant, cruel git deserved to die for hurting her as he had, to have him now living with her was almost unbearable. He'd taken the thing he loved more than anything in the world and one day he would pay.

The watcher silently longed for him to attack, to strike first, giving him a reason to curse him into oblivion. But with one last look, Potter turned away, turned his back on this observer and walked back to her side, his arrogant and obvious challenge apparent in the very nonchalance of his movements. The observer snarled with hatred, but tonight he was a spy, and disobeying orders would lead to the giving of this job to another.

The spy watched them exit the corridor. No he couldn't give this up yet. Having a legitimate reason to watch her, it was worth even Potter's hateful proximity.

When all was completely silent. The watcher moved, his silent feet echoing the path she had just tread, and when he breathed in deeply, he could almost taste the spicy sweetness of her perfume lingering on the air. He licked his lips, and silently wept for what he'd thrown away. Lily…

* * *

Just half an hour more. Thirty minutes longer. One thousand eight hundred seconds; he could hold on that long, he fucking would! She would not make him crack. She would not sodding break him!

James' eyes burned furiously as he repeated the mantra he'd been inwardly snarling for the last hour. But she was so so close. Even keeping his gaze firmly aware from her, it still didn't really help. His senses were already a thousand times better than a normal human, thanks to his animagous form. The essence of the stag ran in his veins, he could hear an owl flying a hundred feet away, he possessed reflexes worthy of superman, as well as being able to run faster than most racehorses. That was what being an animagous did for you, the reward of years of study and dangerous transfiguration. But tonight he would have given it all up at a moments notice.

She was so close he could practically taste her on his tongue. The darkness heightened his already unnaturally powerful hearing so that each breath and stuttering heartbeat was as loud as drums. Normally, he could block this constant flood of extra information, but in the silence, it was inescapable.

He could sense her tension too, by the way she swallowed every few seconds, the quiver of taught muscles she was fighting to keep under control, and the smell of nervousness was coming of her in waves. She kept glancing at him too, and every time the urge to look back into those breathtaking emeralds was almost more than he could bear. But he held on, barely. Just as he'd held on before they'd left. Held on with a strength he hadn't known he'd possessed. He'd never imagined he could ever be so close to forcing a girl, the very idea disgusted both him as a person and his upbringing as a gentleman. But she; she was slowly driving him to madness.

James berated himself suddenly. He was yet again getting distracted. Worse, he was letting HER distract him. Damm her!

He paused infinitesimally and listened as hard as possible. Nothing. The watcher hadn't returned; James breathed and carried on walking. Whoever they were, they'd disappeared about ten minutes ago, somewhere near the dungeons. At first James had been suspicious, fearing an ambush, and had unwillingly close the gab between himself and the girl next to him, every muscle and sense on the alert for the telltale breathing that had given the observer away. But eventually he'd accepted that to all intents and purposes, the observer had turned in for the night, and James had gratefully returned to keeping his distance from the redhead beside him.

The minutes crept passed, seemingly as slowly as possible in a deliberate attempt to drive James to suicide. But finally, his treacherous watch glinted up at him showing that it was twenty past eleven. They were up on the seventh floor, and it took ten minutes to return to the Head Dorms. James breathed a sigh of relief.

As if in answer Lily looked up at him, and nodded. In silent unison they turned around and began to make their way towards the staircase, when Lily hesitated.

"You realise we haven't talked."

Her voice was nervous but determined, and it cut across the silence abruptly enough to make James spin round in sudden surprise. After an hour and a half of quiet, any sound was enough to make one jump.

For a moment Lily thought he wasn't going to answer. The surprise had been hidden as swiftly as it had came, and the eyes that looked into hers were deliberately expressionless. She bit her lip nervously, wondering whether to press further. Would he take it? Then:

"Enemies don't tend to." The words were soft and lacking in any emotion, but they still stung. Lily winced but fought on. He'd sworn dammit.

"Earlier you said we'd talk. You…" She hesitated on the suddenly lame-sounding words.

"You promised."

She watched as the sneer darkened his eyes and his lip curled in distain. She cringed inwardly. Maybe not the best tactic. After all their history made any talk of promises a touchy subject. Sure enough, his answer was cold as ice.

"You make me sick."

Lily flinched away from the venom in his voice, but she couldn't completely blame him. It was a stupid thing to say, and she watched him turn harshly away with eyes full of regret and self-anger. Still the cold contempt bit, and the tears welled up and over before she could push them back, and all she could do was wipe them away as quickly as possible, so that no trace would show when she ran after his disappearing back.

Then a snarl, mere centimetres away made her head shoot up, and she stared uncomprehending at the red piece of fabric suddenly being held under her nose. Lily raised her blank eyes to his face but he refused to meet her bemused wet gaze, glaring at the nearby suit of armour, jaw clenched and eyes dark as night.

Lily took the handkerchief with trembling fingers, and as soon as it left his grip James had snatched back his hand, and walked over to the nearby window, gripping the sill hard enough to turn his knuckles white, even in the soft moonlight. His breaths were coming fast and heavy and Lily watched in silence as the inner battle he was fighting twisted his features into beautiful anger. Then he spoke, the words spat through gritted teeth as he asked the question that had been consuming him since earlier that day.

"Why didn't do you it?" Lily's eyes raked his profile, searching for some clue as to what he was talking about, be he refused even to look at her, self-disgust curling his lip as he unwillingly revealed his weakness in desiring an answer. She paused, thinking wildly, but eventually had to say

"Why didn't I d…"

He swung around in a flash, his glorious face suddenly inches from hers, his breath warming her cold cheeks as his eyes burned molten gold.

"Why didn't you say you'd go out with him, Evans? Why?! Why dammit?!"

The green emeralds widened in swift, sudden understanding, and Lily stepped back, seeking to flee, to run away as fast as her legs could carry her, but his strong hands came to grip her white shoulder with new urgency. She struggled for a moment but he held fast, his gaze never wavering from her white face, furious but somehow desperate too. Then he spoke, voice breaking in barely repressed pain as he pleaded now for an answer, and she couldn't not turn back to him.

"Please, I…I need to know."

He looked so young was her first thought, lost like a little boy, depending on her answer so much his hands were trembling against her thin shirt. And he was so so beautiful, his ebony hair glinted in the moonlight that streamed through the antique glass to caress his right side and her left. What else could she do but tell him the truth?

"Because I can't hurt you."

She gasped in disbelief at the words she'd allowed to escape as the momentary madness brought on by the pain in his eyes faded, and quick as lightening she back-pedalled, words spilling from her lips as she babbled desperately.

"I'm not like you Potter; I won't try and hurt people for revenge like you do. Stooping so low as to shag someway I don't give a fuck about just to get back at someone who…" But his jaw was dropping now, his eyes darkening in new incredulous anger, as he stared back at her.

"Are you even listening to yourself?" She glared at him and the expression on his face turned ugly.

"That's EXACTLY what you fucking did Evans!! You fucking shagged ME!!! To get back at ME!!!! Damm you, Evans how can you even spout that bullshit?!!! You shagged me and dumped me because I was, as you put it, the most vile despicable piece of womanising shit to walk this planet!! So what's changed Evans?! Why are you now trying to act like the 'white as snow' angel?! For once in your fucking life tell the fucking truth, damm you!!"

His voice was shaking with fury, her eyes flashed like green lightening as they spat answer after vicious answer, back and forth, each only intent on releasing the lingering feelings of frustration and hurt. One brown hand was now clasped around her jaw, angry fingers forcing her to meet his eyes, her white ones were pressed against his chest, pushing them apart with all her might as he dragged them ever closer.

"God Evans why do you do this to me?! Why can't you just hate me and be done with it?! Why can't you fight back, hurt me in return, like I deserve?!! Why do you have to make feel guilty, damm you?!!"

He was almost yelling now, his rich voice echoing of the stone walls in fury as his grip on her cheek and chin tightened unconsciously and then she spoke, gasping with lingering anger, but shocked, stunned even, as his words sunk in.

"That's why you helped today. With the prefects. Because you felt guilty." His eyes widened, and all at once he was the one pulling back, face suddenly forced back into his expressionless mask, and her the one following, demanding answers.

"You can't stand the guilt, can't bear the thought that I might be a better person than you are. You want a reason to continue hating me, something to justify this continued war between us."

Her eyes sparkled in comprehension, mixed with dawning anger, and he cringed away from her words like blows, until her last accusation brought his head up in sudden unexpected fury.

"A reason to hate you Evans? You think I don't have a fucking reason?!"

And in one swift movement James caught her in a grip of iron and crushed her mouth under his, all his anger and hatred for this girl he couldn't forget pouring out in the hot frenzied mingling of tongues and lips. She responded just as fiercely, lust and longing driving her to thrust her fingers into his hair and puling him down towards her until their bodies seemed to fuse in the welding moonlight. He backed her against the wall, trapping her hands in one unbreakable grip as he forced them over her head and proceeded to kiss and bite his way down the white skin from her ear to her collarbone. She gasped in that strange mixture of pain and pleasure, groaning as his free hand wrenched open her shirt to reveal the bra beneath. Her eyes closed despite herself, and all she could do was give in to his onslaught. Because truthfully, she never wanted him to stop.

As quickly as it had started, his lips left her tingling skin and he drew abruptly back to look her deep in the eyes, showing her every ounce of hatred and loathing he felt in that one burning glare.

"I hate you Evans more than anything in this world, because I can't escape from you. Day and night your image torments me. I can't sleep because even in my dreams you come to torture me, making me want you, need you so fucking badly. I loath you with my entire being because like it or not, every second of the day I spend not touching you is a sodding waste, and no mater how many mindless blonds I shag, it doesn't do a fucking thing. I don't need ANY other reason to despise you Evans. Look at you're doing to me Evans: nothing could ever make me hate you more.»

He thrust her away from him and turned back towards the window, so that the moonlight transformed him into a black silhouette before Lily's shell-shocked gaze.

"Go back Evans, go back and sleep."

"James…I…"

"Please. Just go."

And she did, looking back at him one final time with agonised eyes, before walking quietly the last few meters to the Head Dormitories. Her voice echoed down the corridors to him as she gave the password, and his lips twisted into a cynical smile. Erised. Score one to Dumbledore. What was that word? Irony? The password had never seemed so apt.

James waited for the sound of the door being quietly shut before moving, and then he ran. Ran down the two flights of steps, using every ounce of his unnatural speed and agility, feeling the power racing through his veins as he flew out of one of the many doors that led to the castle grounds, before finally allowing the physical form of the stag to burst forth from his human shell. And under the sad, compassionate gaze of the all-seeing moon, Prongs danced.

* * *

Tuesday passed in a blur. Lessons, and the girls seemed to take up all of Lily's time and thoughts. It was their seventh and last year, and the teachers were apparently wishing their pupils a not-so-fond farewell by piling on as much homework as possible. Already, Slughorn had assigned a project due in a month's time, McGonagall's aim was obviously to deprive them from eating or sleeping and even Lily's favourite teacher, Professor Flitwick, had demanded a four foot essay on the Protean Charm due for next Monday. But despite the whirlwind of schoolwork, one particular person still found their way infuriatingly often into Lily's thoughts.

Throughout, Potions, Herbology, and double DADA, he'd been tantalizingly close to her, never more than a few seats away. His golden gaze seemed to permanently scorch her back, only looking elsewhere during those few brief moments when her need to gaze at him overcame her pride and she allowed her eyes to glance quickly at his handsome profile. But he hadn't spoken to her.

The thought made Lily frown, as she silently undressed, so lost in her thoughts that the bang of the closing portrait hole made her jump out her reverie. Then she sighed; it was only James leaving. As Captain, he had decided to arrive with the rest of his remaining team a good half hour before the trials officially commenced. It was Wednesday, now. The day of the Quidditch Trials had finally arrived. Her chance to prove herself to the entire school, to her friends and to Moniqua. And of course to her nemesis. She gazed wistfully at the oak door that separated her dormitory from the common room they shared, her thoughts lingering despite herself on the memory of the tall dark-haired figure in his leather uniform. Unconsciously she licked her lips, before suddenly scowling. Curse her bloody hormones.

Lily turned back to her four-poster bad where her own clothes were laid out in readiness for her, silently berating herself for thinking about James in leather trousers when she should be concentrating on winning her position. She had to concentrate, she told herself for the thousandth time, James would pounce on any excuse to pick somebody else. She couldn't make a single mistake; only perfection would force him in naming her the new chaser. Focus, Lily, focus. There would be time for drooling later.

Five minutes later, Lily was analysing her reflection in the full length, gold-rim mirror with a small approving smile, but the sigh that escaped as she turned around to pick up her broom was distinctly rueful. No point kidding herself that she'd picked out the sombre ensemble for any other reason than that she looked damm good in it. The black stretch denim clung to her legs like a second skin in a way that could rival his glorious leather any day, and matched with the t-shirt, with it's longs sleeves and shimmering blackness, she could modestly see the uncanny likeness to Catwoman from the muggle comic strips. But, she defended herself rebelliously, if he could look good enough to eat on the Quidditch pitch, why shouldn't she?

Her white hands dug into the auburn mane and finally succeeded in restraining the red strands with the help of a black hair band. There! Perfect! Professional but rather sexy if she did say so herself. Lily smiled at her face in the mirror and brushed the last few escaping tendrils behind her ears. Another mischievous grin. Like hell she'd be the only one getting distracted.

* * *

The Quidditch Stadium was all but full and James scowled at the masses in frustration, safe in the knowledge that they were to far away to notice. Normally, James revelled in his status as Hogwarts' Golden Boy, but today, popularity was a bloody nightmare. There were roughly one hundred people sitting in the stands, a little under half of the entire school populous. Shame there were no more than seventy Gryffindors in the entire school, the dark-haired idol thought sourly, eighty max. Damm the sheep-like attitude of his fellow students, sodding timewasters the lot of them. Every year they did this.

Beside him, the remaining members of last years team exchanged equally exasperated looks. Ever since James and Sirius had joined the team, the annual Quidditch Trials had become more and more chaotic. Half of the people present weren't even in Gryffindor for Merlin's sake. How dumb could they really be?!

Thankfully, past experience had allowed their Captain to prepare for this ritual streaming process, and true to form, a moment later James sprung into action.

* * *

He was definitely an imposing figure, Lily allowed begrudgingly, as she watched him swagger forward to the green grass at the bottom of the stand. It was the leather that did it, she declared defensively to her disapproving subconscious. How could any girl resist those broad shoulders and toned, lean muscles, encased as they were in that skin-tight black uniform. ANY self-respecting female would allow herself a quiet moment to admire his thick and carefully windswept hair, the breathtaking grin he'd just fixed on to his glorious face as he welcomed the crowd with his usual charm.

He also had presence and authority, she conceded, as she watched him clap his hands once and the babbling masses instantly fell silent under his now intense gaze. Every eye was trained on him, but no sign of nerves or discomfort showed on his face or in his posture. He oozed self-confidence, revelling in the stares of admiration like a Hollywood movie star. This was where he was meant to be. He was born to be special, a leader, one of those one-of-kind people who seemed to go through life with a spotlight trained on them. On this pitch, he was king, the adoring fans and wannabes; his people. Lily sighed sadly. Never had he seemed so far out of her reach as he did now.

But he was also no fool, and Lily found her lips quirking upwards in an appreciative smile as his next words echoed round the stadium, magically magnified.

"Alright, lets get down to business people. Much as I thank you all for coming, I want every person who is not a member of Gryffindor house to be out of this Quidditch Stadium before I count to five, anyone who refuses will be…persuaded to do so by rather more violent methods. I give you all fair warning."

His white teeth glinted as his sexy grin deliberately softened the blow of his words, and Lily scowled at three of the girls around her who had just flushed a deep pink as they made their rather wobbly way towards the exit.

A minute later, barely forty people remained seated and they in turn rose to their feet to occupy the seats closest to the ground. Lily did the same, moving close enough to see and be seen by the five people standing on the pitch itself. Jenny threw her an exasperated eye roll before grinning impishly at her friend as she took in and approved Lily's choice of outfit. Sirius being Sirius, refused to demean himself by grinning, but the slight curl of those fine lips indicated that he too had noted her black ensemble. James himself had determinedly avoided looking anywhere near her so far, but even this couldn't dampen Lily's excitement. The Nimbus Five-Hundred clutched in the black gloves Moniqua had also bestowed on her, gave Lily a courage that seemed to sweep away any doubts or fears.

"Right, next step, guys. I want anyone not in second year or above to clear out too. You all know the rules, so I won't waste my time or yours by reading you the rulebook like certain prissy prefects used to love doing so much."

Lily glared as his famous smirk spread over that handsome face. The bloody git. Even as he continued to look anywhere but at her, she could feel the mockery coming off him in waves. Her jaw clenched as she felt her blood boil. She'd show him.

Nearby, other people were moving towards the exits, five of them Lily counted in laughing disbelief. What was it some people didn't get about rules. It wasn't rocket science for Pete's sake. First years weren't allowed they're own broomsticks just as they weren't allowed to play for their House team. Lily shook her head, still smiling before turning back to the tall figure of her hopefully soon-to-be Captain.

"Great. Now we've determined that all you people remaining are actually eligible to be on my team, we'll find out if you're good enough. As you all know, these four people standing next to me were on the team last year, and at least the two years before that too. You may probably guess that they are pretty darn good. However, the RULEBOOK says that everybody has to win their place on this team and for once I happen to agree, God help me."

Lily rolled her eyes, as almost every girl in the stands giggled at the boy's admittedly sexy lack of respect.

"This means that they will be defending their positions alongside all you newcomers who fancy trying to steal it from them. Any position is therefore up for grabs if you think you're better than they are, not just the vacant places of chaser and beater. Everybody clear? Wicked. Let's get moving."

Ten minutes later, the aspiring hopefuls had been narrowed down to under twenty, after James first order was to have each of them attempting four simple laps of the pitch. Simple being the probative word. Over five were off only seconds after getting into the air, the other ten hadn't lasted much longer. By the end of the test only the original members, Lily, a few fifth and sixth year boys, a group of giggling younger girls and one girl who looked very very tiny indeed, remained. Lily had been quite shocked at the level of incompetence some of the unsuccessful aspirants had shown, but the resigned look on both James and the rest of the teams face showed that this was nothing new.

The next step was to sort them by means of the role they wanted to play. Unsurprisingly, Chaser was by far the most popular. Jamie's intimidating combination of flexing huge muscles and a wide, challenging smirk, had successfully put off anyone who had briefly fancied becoming the next Gryffindor Keeper, and apparently Jenny had used similar tactics. Whatever the means, nobody answered when James called out for anybody desiring to try for seeker and Jenny had made her sensual way over to where Jamie now slouched in the stands, to observe to rest of the Trials with a wide-eyed innocent smile.

Twenty minutes into the Tryouts, only the positions of Beater and Chaser were under dispute. The wannabe Beaters were first to go under the hammer and Lily could in all honesty say she pitied the group of fifth and sixth years that Sirius was eyeing so contemptuously. Most were wise enough to treat the black haired Adonis will all the respect he unconsciously expected, but one young jock had apparently decided that he wanted to die, and therefore was antagonising his seventh year rival at every possible moment.

Lily watched nervously as the casually good-looking yob shoved into her friend as they made their way to pick up one of the ten or so wooden clubs the beaters used in practice. Sirius' breathtaking eyes narrowed into slits as the foolish boy then deliberately picked out his favourite bat, going so far as ignoring the name 'Sirius Black' that was etched into the heavy oak.

It was stupid and pathetic but Lily could see by the almost demonic glint in those dark purple eyes that the petty tactics were succeeding to rile the school heartthrob, and for David Saunders own sake, she wished he'd stop. Sirius had not gotten onto the team by being James' best friend. He was a demon with the Beater Bat, a deadly combination of both strength and impossible accuracy. And more importantly, the angrier he got, the more both qualities increased.

It was therefore with growing fear that Lily watched with the other seven girls who wanted the Chaser position, as James ordered the young men to split into pairs. The anger had completely disappeared from Sirius' face now, instead there was a lurking smile in the back of his glinting eyes that worried Lily all the more. James seemed to notice it to, and visibly hesitated as Sirius walked nonchalantly over to David and casually asked him if he fancied being his partner.

David eyes lit up in stupid smug pride, and he puffed out his chest before saying with loud cockiness, that carried to the ears of everyone present.

"See you already recognised your biggest threat, huh. Sure I'll play with you, Black, and I'll even wish you luck. You'll need it."

He turned around, oblivious to the team's aghast faces and mounted his broom with exaggerated speed. Sirius merely watched him for a second before picking up his own ebony broomstick, the softest smile hovering on his lips. A couple of the girls next to Lily giggled, sighing over one of their idols rare, gentler expressions, but Lily bit her lip all the harder, and for a mad moment she contemplated running across to her darling and attempting to reason with him. But he'd never listen. Not now, not in this humour.

Then a massive sigh of relief escaped her anxious lips. James had obviously noticed the warning signs as she had and she smiled as he clapped his best mate on the shoulder, to the world to wish his brother good luck, but discreetly used the moment to whisper in Sirius's ear. Sirius turned to his friend and raised a single, perfectly shaped eyebrow, his eyes cold and mocking. More words, harsher this time, Lily could tell by James' face. The pause was heavy and long, but then, eventually, the shaggy black head nodded in acquiesance.

Suddenly those blue-black eyes locked on hers and it took a moment for her to recover from the surprise enough to send him an equally pleading glance. But Sirius just threw her an impish wink, before bending his muscular legs and kicking smoothly off from the ground.

They were all in the air now, waiting for the Bludgers. The Quidditch set had been brought out and the iron balls charmed so that they would keep only to one of the three pairings. Even after James' talk Lily couldn't help but bite her lip nervously. Sirius was her darling and she adored him more than almost anyone in the world, but she also knew better than most his terrible temper. It was ironic really, she supposed; to the entire school population Sirius Black was the 'Ice-Man', cold, mocking, and contemptuous of the world in general. He didn't waste time or emotions on anybody other than the Marauders and herself. His rare bouts of black fury were therefore one of the boy's best-guarded secrets, especially nowadays; the last one she could remember had been before she'd started going out with James. Lily had never found out what had happened to provoke this sudden change in her friend, the boy's never spoke of it. But ever since, the Black temper had been kept on a very tight leash. It worried Lily that this was the angriest she'd seen her darling in years.

The Bludgers were released, one at a time, rocketing into the air, gaining speed before finally beginning their first attack. The first pairing seemed reasonable, but nothing outstanding. Both boys succeeded in protecting themselves from the onslaught, but neither seemed capable of using the Bludgers against their partner. Lily's gaze moved on.

The second group was far more interesting. The pair was comically matched,. One was a giant of a guy with a right arm that rather resembled that of a gorilla; the other was a slim, compact boy with light brown hair and very dark blue eyes. Lily watched the boy with growing curiosity. Compared to his partner, the kid looked a complete weed, he was barely hitting the thing for Merlin's sake, only playing defensively like the first two, and Lily had almost dismissed him completely, when suddenly the boy moved the bat from his right hand to his left and dealt the incoming Bludger such a punishing blow towards his not-concentrating partner, that Lily could hear the crunch of iron breaking bone from her place in the stands.

The trials halted as the gorilla felt twenty foot to the grass below, clutching his broken jaw that was hanging horribly limp. All attention was upon the injured; only three people fixed three swift looks of new respect at the fifth year who was hovering quietly in the same spot above the mayhem. The boy was swiftly carried to the hospital wing but Lily didn't watch the group go. Even from that distance, she recognised all too well that look in James' eyes, that fierce hawk-like mixture excitement and hesitation. The guy was very very good, and Lily, James and Sirius all knew it, as did the boy himself. But over all three there was also a strange disquiet. In the last fifteen years, only one other person had ever deliberately injured another player that badly during a Try-Out, and even Lily remembered the uproar it had caused. Some teachers had demanded that Sirius Black be forbidden from ever touching a beater's bat ever again, but the incident had finally been declared an accident and Sirius been allowed onto the Gryffindor team.

James made no comment and merely indicated for the boy to land and stand with the others who had already flown. The final team to fly was the one that every one had been waiting for; new against old, cocky against quiet confidence. The fear crept back as Lily watched that silky smile softly curve her friend's lips. The light was back in his eyes, tinged with a new excitement that the last group's incident seemed to have provoked. Lily could tell he was remembering his own second-year try-outs and the bullying sixth years face when the deceptively pretty twelve-year-old boy had shattered his arm with one perfect hit.

Then the shaggy head turned and Sirius met James' eyes in one long look, before the Bludger zoomed gleefully from it's captivity towards it's next victims. It shot towards Saunders first, drilling faster and faster like a bullet towards that self-satisfied grin until the boy's arm flew upwards and hit it as hard as possible towards his black-haired opponent who hovered so nonchalantly before him.

The hit was strong and sharp and Lily, despite herself, had to be impressed. She gasped as the iron cannonball rocketed towards her friend's handsome head, screaming inwardly as he made no move to even intercept it. What was he doing?! He could be hurt, worse; killed! Damm you Sirius, DO something!!

The twenty or so people in the stadium held their breath, staring uncomprehending as still he refused to move, still did nothing except from smile that same soft smile. What was he thinking. Every pair of eyes except one was fixed on the boy or the racing Bludger, that every second was getting closer to the boy's head. But James' full attention was on Saunders; Saunders who was already gloating, Saunders who already believed he'd won, Saunders who, unless he lifted that bat fast, was about to feel the true meaning of pain. Damm you, Sirius, DON'T!!!

And then suddenly, the most unexpected sound echoed across the silence. Laughter. The richest, gayest, most gorgeous shout of mirth escaped from Sirius' throat as suddenly his entire torso was thrown back so that it was parallel to his broom, while at the same time his right arm descended and then swung back over his head in a breathtaking movement akin to a tennis serve. Lily could only gasp as all at once every once of that built-up whiplash was thrown into the iron ball as it soared over the boy's head only to be met with the club in it's full ascent. The entire thing was timed to a staggering perfection. The wooden bat let out a huge CRACK as it split in two under the incredible pressure, and the Bludger was sent back at the speed of sound to smash into Saunders broom handle, shattering it into a thousand pieces.

Both players landed amidst staggering applause, Saunders' face was redder than a tomato and James grinned proudly at his brother who had so beautifully defended his spot on the Quidditch Team. But Sirius remained coolly unmoved; his brown hand dropped the destroyed bat, only to sweep his glossy hair out of his eyes with an arrogance that only he could make so devastatingly attractive. Only when he turned to his defeated partner did he permit himself one small smile of contempt before strolling over to the stands with all his customary elegance.

On his way though he paused, meeting Lily's eye with a mischievous gleam as he mouthed

"Beat that."

And Lily rolled her eyes and shook her head before turning back to James who was calling for silence.

"This year's Gryffindor Beaters will be…Sirius Black and Karl Quigley!!!"

Lily applauded enthusiastically for her obnoxious friend and the slim, blue-eyed boy who'd broken his partner's jaw. But inside, she was already panicking. The trials for the position of beater were over; now it was her turn.

* * *

"Chasers Line UP!" James voice was sharp and to the point, the underlying mockery invisible to all but Lily. She snarled under her breath, hating him for enjoying this so much and so obviously. All seven girls moved forward at once, some of the younger ones fighting for the place directly in front of the admittedly very sexy Quidditch captain. Lily found herself shoved to the side and her anger grew as her nemesis' smirk visibly widened, all the time still refusing to look at her. She was last in the line, partially hidden behind a big, rather brutish looking sixth year who could have been the twin sister of the gorilla guy from earlier. Eying the girl's right arm with caution, she peeked carefully around the imposing form in an attempt to force James to acknowledge her flashing eyes and angry glare. Both increased as she realised he was altogether to occupied in looking at somebody else.

"Amanda, if you please."

Spinnet's teeth gleamed like matched pearls as she flashed a dazzling smile at her handsome Captain. She moved forward to stand at his side and Lily felt her own teeth grind together rather loudly. They made a stunning pair, and it infuriated her no end. Amanda was a good few inches taller than the seething redhead, and when she stood at James' side his appreciative eyes just brushed the top of her honey-blond head. Her eyes were a cool grey, and in every place where Lily was small and sprightly, Amanda was unfairly tall and willowy, and the deliberate easy grace extended to her performance on the Quidditch Pitch.

Nicknamed 'The Dancing Swan', she had been James main partner and foil for the past three years, the strong and stable second to his flare and genius. Ever since fifth year, bets had been made that the two would end up married one day; they were Hogwarts' dream couple and simply looking at the pretty pair turned Lily a vivid shade of green.

"The final part of your trial will take place as a little game of two-on-two. A session of short, five minutes mini-matches where the aim is to score as many points as possible, preventing the other team from doing the same. Once every team has played each once I'll make my decision. Any questions?."

One giggling girl put her manicured hand up, and her cheeks blusher pink even under the copious amounts of shimmer and rose.

"But we're only seven, does that mean one of us will have to play with you?" her excitement was barely veiled and Lily found herself rolling her eyes for what seemed the thousandth time.

"Indeed it does. » Lily inwardly snorted at the look of pitiful anticipation on the girls face. Anyone possessing even one more lonely neuron like this girl could tell that James was only messing with her.

On clue, his perfect curved into the sweetest smile ever to grace the human visage, before replying with wicked relish.

"Amanda Spinnet, whom I'm sure you all know, will be my team-member."

The disappointment on every girls face was ludicrous, and Lily watched the git struggle to keep back the mocking, smirk of mischief.

"Right, now that's settled, I want everyone to get into pairs and into line. Try to pick someone of roughly your own age and size, and remember this person is now your team-mate, your partner. You need each other to get through this so backstabbing of any kind is a pointless exercise."

Lily found herself one of the two remaining people without partners, which in all fairness, was hardly surprising as the other four girls had come in twos anyway. She eyed the dark-haired very very small girl in front of her with justifiable wariness. The girl was a midget, even compared to Lily's lack of inches. But then who was she to judge by appearances.

Lily held out her hand to the girl, who shocked her by simply scowling back at her and turning back towards James. The kid was damm lucky she was obviously only a second year, Lily thought angrily. Stupid brat. If she went around doing that she'd soon get another thing coming. Not everyone had the same small disadvantage of being Head Girl and therefore the obligation to be universally kind and considerate. Lily shook of the homicidal thoughts impatiently. Focus Lily, she had to work with this brat whether she liked it or not. Come on. For her parents. And for Moniqua.

The first match was Lily's team against the two fourth year girls, and quite honestly, Lily thought in exasperation, these two airheads shouldn't be anywhere near a Quaffle. Hand-eye coordination was quite simply zero. The brown-haired girl had dropped the red ball three times already through sheer giggling, and her blond team-mate wasn't much better. Lily and the tiny second year massacred them, scoring seven times in five minutes, though the triumph was somewhat lessened by the lack of skill in the opposing team.

Their second match was marginally more difficult. One of the pair of sixth years, the gorilla girl, had actually played before, and managed to score twice before the whistle blew, declaring Lily and Gwenog the easy winners at six points to two.

Lily couldn't but be impressed but her diminutive team-mate. Even to her inexperienced eyes, the scowling black-haired girl seemed to have a rare talent for the game, a natural feel for the Quaffle, and love for speed and complicated manoeuvres that both stunned and confused their opponents numerous times. Youth alone was her weakness at the moment. Gwenog was still rash and often stubborn, her natural flair had obviously made her cocky, and Lily could well imagine her being a little difficult to work with in a team. She tended to hog the Quaffle in an attempt to show off instead of passing to a team-mate in a better position. All in all, raw, uncontrolled talent.

She also wasn't happy to be paired with Lily, that much was obvious by the way the dark, sullen eyes remained fixed on the massacre above during the entire wait for the match to finish. Lily sighed and followed the girls lead. Quite frankly, if the girl didn't want to talk to her, she saw no reason in forcing the issue. Not when there were other, more important things to be doing, such as watching James Potter fly.

Even now, after all those months, there was still something about him on a broomstick that made her feel the need to swoon like every other silly fan girl. It was effortless. Boy and broom forged into a single glorious being that ruled the skies, unchallenged. Every movement was faster than the eye could see, every twist and turn sharp as a knife. He was unmatched and he knew it, but unlike Lily's young team-mate, he was intelligent enough to know that genius and talent would never fully suffice. James had matured from the young star anxious to show-off at every chance he got, into a Captain whose tactical brain rivalled his skill in the air. Even against the poor fourth years, he worked with Amanda as though it was a championship game, synchronised and smart, both using each other's strengths to conquer rather than trying to bask in personnel glory.

Lily could only smile with soft admiration and affection. Whatever else had happened between them, he was still the most breathtaking Quidditch Player she'd ever seen.

She was snapped out of her daydreams as the two teams landed and dismounted. The scores weren't mentioned, but from the girls' red-rimmed eyes and flushed cheeks, James had shown them no mercy. Andd he would show her even less.

Lily felt her heartbeat stutter as he stepped forward and, for the first time that day, looked her dead in the eye.

The challenge in those gorgeous pools of gold was open and mocking. This was when it really started, the reason they'd been playing with the fourth and fifth years for the last ten minutes. They both wanted this match, the next battle in the ever-ongoing war. And like period duellists they acknowledged their opponent, with appreciative smirks.

* * *

Fuck that damn girl, that outfit had be illegal. How was he supposed to concentrate on grapping the Quaffle when all he wanted to do was grab HER, her and certain very appetizing bodily parts that those skin-tight clothes were currently showing off to very good advantage. Easy James, control man, control the hormones. The deep breath helped, the desire lessened slightly until it was safe to look at her without risk of jumping her there and then. He allowed his eyes to rake over her entire body, a lazy smirk hovering on his lips. Hey, if she wanted to cheat via use of her womanly assets, he sure as hell wasn't going to complain. Plus it was fun watching her get all ruffled as he deliberately lingered on her bloody gorgeous behind, and those deliciously long, toned legs. His inner mischief sparked as her eyes flashed, and so he did the one thing that would infuriate her even more. He winked at her.

* * *

Bloody arrogant, infuriating arsehole! The effort it took for Lily to force the smirk back onto her face after that wink was huge. But there was rueful appreciation there too, he'd looked darn fine she admitted, licking her lips unconsciously. Even better up close. And the leather… Lily felt herself go weak at the knees as her finally could finally feast on that most perfect body, encased in that thick black protective suit. Just looking at the way his muscles seemed to ripple like Indian ink, hmmm, Lily cool feel her mouth watering. Suddenly a movement caught Lily's eye and she focused over James' shoulder to see Jenny's' dazzling smirk gleaming impishly at her. She raised a cynical questioning brow and her friend answered by cracking an imaginary whip, before nodding towards the oblivious Quidditch Captain with a knowing look and a very descriptive lick of the lips.

All at once Lily felt her cheeks flush, and she bit her lips as images flooded into her mind that certainly shouldn't be there, especially not when she was preparing to challenge the object of these fantasies to a match, and DEFINITELY not when he was looking at her in that infuriatingly arrogant way as though he knew exactly what she was thinking, and was inwardly saying 'whenever you want, Red.'

But God, would he look good with a whip, or better yet…handcuffs,…NO!!!!! No, no, NO!!

Lily wrenched her thoughts back to the the task in hand, away from the sexgod in front of her and force herself to concentrateon the five minutes of Quidditch she was about to play. Possibly the most important five minutes of Quidditch of her life.

* * *

They faced each other, all teasing gone for the moment, eyes locked on one another, burning with matching determination. The four players mounted their brooms. The whole stadium had somehow sensed that this match was different, this wasn't just strictly business anymore, this was personnel. This was war.

* * *

Four players kicked off at precisely the same time, shooting into the air like bullets and then the Quaffle was thrown and they were off.

Lily watched the red ball rise and then fall as if the whole things was in slow motion. A split second later she was zooming towards it, hand outstretched, a triumphant smile already on her lips as the tip of one finger brushed the red leather an she imagined herself scoring the first goal against James and Amanda's team all day.

Then it was gone. Lily blinked, wondering if her eyes had tricked her, when suddenly James' mocking grin zoomed up from underneath the Nimbus' broom handle and over her head, the Quaffle firmly under his right arm. Lily felt like screaming as she whirled the Nimbus around and chased him down the pitch. Stupid! Stupid! Both Sirius and Jenny had warned her about that trick, one of James' favourites. Soaring directly below the player, hiding from view before cutting up and over in a stunt that often caused his opponent to fall from his broom. Right! Her turn now, if only Gwenog would work with her.

Lily caught the black-haired girl's eye and nodded towards Amanda, who was heading at top speed to support her Captain. For Lily's plan to work, Amanda needed to be distracted. Gwenog glared at her for a brief moment, but then to Lily's surprise, zoomed towards the blond girl and cut straight across her, again and then again, to chasers increasing annoyance. She couldn't go anywhere! The midget was infuriatingly fast and was managing to keep her from heading after her team-mate and scoring their first goal. Damm the brat.

* * *

James could see the shining goalposts ahead, winking cheerily at him in the morning sun, old friends after all the years. It would be easy to simply score, there was no keeper, and both Evans and the midget couldn't hope to keep up with him. All her had to do was get a little more speed, and then a quick, insultingly simple throw through the middle hoop. Childs play.

Which was unfortunately the problem. It was so easy it would be pathetic, and James goal wasn't to win; his heart was pounding in his chest, the adrenalin rushing through his veins because he wanted to crush her. Winning couldn't satisfy the battle lust. It had to be complete utter humiliation. He would not lower himself to that throw. He would show the bitch, exactly why he, James Potter, was the best Quidditch player in the school. He would annihilate her.

Which was why he was letting Amanda take this one, to show off one of their favourite moves, a feint where he would pretend to aim at the left hand hoop, when in reality, Amanda would cut across, snatch it from the air and pound it through the right-hand one. Simple but deadly. And rather impressive he smirked to himself. His sharp hearing picked up the sound he'd been waiting for, the rush of air about ten meters behind his left shoulder that could only belong to a broomstick. His grin widened, she was perfectly placed, on the Quidditch pitch he trusted her like as he trusted his right hand, and, supremely confident, he lobbed the ball out to the left and smirked as, right on queue, the girl shot across and grabbed the red leather one hand, her copper ponytail spraying out like dancing flames behi…WHAT THE FUCK?!!!!

James could only gape in horror as Lily soared past him, her gleaming grin of triumph visible even at her growing speed. Reflexes and reflexes alone saved James at that moment, and his body moved of it's own accord, pushing his Nimbus into top gear in a sharp U-turn, while his mind still blankly tried to register what had happened. That bitch had deliberately used one of his favourite moves against him, damm her for being one step ahead of him! Anger spurred James faster, he flattened his torso entirely against the broom, reducing friction as much as possible, pushing his speed to the next level; he was nearing one fifty now, and she was still ahead. But he was gaining on her. Just a bit more speed, he snarled, and he could cut ahead of her to guard the goalposts. Come on, faster dammit.

He was gaining, she was only five or so meters ahead now. Three. One. They were neck and neck, bolting towards the golden hoops in a strange race that somehow both had to win, because whoever lost would have to submit first.

* * *

Lily's chest was heaving, her emeralds eyes streaming tears from the whiplash of the wind as she pushed the broom past one seventy, tears that never touched her cheeks but flew straight back into the air left behind her. But she was so close and so was he. She could see the glinting goalposts, feel his body heat radiating across the left side of her body as he drew level. Then she gasped, as, in panic and frustration he did something that was so unexpected and so low, she could only gape in shock.

"Come on Lils, let me win, just this once." The wind tore the words to tatters almost as soon as they left his mouth, but she still heard. And in that breathtaking final moment, she couldn't but look around to meet his eye in aghast horror as he used her old nickname for the first time in an entire year.

He always used to say that, every time they'd played chess, because he was hopeless at the game, and in the whole month they were together she'd never lost once. Now the memories tore at her heart strings and the loss of concentration made her slow her pace infinitesimally.

A moment later, he was cutting across her and she was forced into another direction, but somehow she didn't know if she really cared anymore. The throw to Gwenog was weakened by hurt, and Amanda seized on the chance and snatched the red ball out of the air. The blond, still angry from the other teams near success, shot towards the goalpost, determined to beat the brat and the bitch. Nearer and nearer. She brought back her arm and…

PHEEEEWWWWWWW!!!!!! The whistle pierced the morning air and Amanda spun round to gape at her Captain holding the small metal object to his lips. He had just ended the match thirty seconds earlier, and he'd stopped her from scoring!! The match was a draw!! Nil-Nil!! What was he thinking?!! NO!!

* * *

All four players landed amidst the stunned remaining people on the ground. They all stood waiting for an explanation and a conclusion to the test. Who had won? Why was the game stopped?

Then James stepped forward, his face suddenly grim and harsh, and his voice when he finally spoke was filled with self-disgust.

"I award the victory to Miss Evans and to Miss Gwenog Jones, due to the disqualification of the opposing team."

They could only stare. James was disqualifying his own pairing? What..?

"I am ashamed to say that during the match, I was provoked enough into insulting my opposing player, in such a way as to distract her from the goal in hand. All I can offer is my sincerest apologies to both my team-mate and Miss Evans. I think we can all assume that the goal in question would have undoubtedly been scored had I not used this despicable tactic, therefore it can only be considered fair to call the scores so; 1-0 win to the team of Evans and Jones."

He hesitated before finishing softly, eyes fixed on only one person, one person who was now a rather pretty shade of pink.

"I really am very...very...sorry

The was a silence before suddenly one person applauded, then two and then everybody started clapping, all at once. The applause echoed around the stadium and Lily felt herself flush with pleasure…until she realized they weren't applauding her.

"Well said, James! That's our Captain!"

"Isn't he noble?? And gooorrgeous."

"Good call, mate. Don't worry, it happens to the best of us."

Lily could only stand rigid as the despicable git was engulfed by hugs and claps on the back and swooning girls. Her hands were clenched into tiny fists, her eyes were flashing emeralds. How dare he!!! Argh!!!! Stupid, manipulating, calculating, bastard!!!

James finally managed to catch the redhead's eye as he extracted himself from numerous grips with some difficulty. She was absolutely seething, he laughed despite himself. There was almost steam coming out of her ears; she had always managed to look perfectly adorable whilst having one of her temper tantrums; And it truly wasn't his fault, a fact he tried to convey via the means of a comically helpless shrug and look. He'd apologised. It wasn't his fault they now decided they loved him all the more. Though it was rather funny. Despite his best intentions, James' gleam of mischief broke through and he couldn't help it, a wicked grin escaped and proceeded to further infuriate the livid redhead. James sighed as she folded her arms, stuck her nose in the air and started to march indignantly away, and quickly called for silence.

"Ok, can I have everybody's attention please."

James smirked as Lily paused in mid-stride, obviously torn between her anger and her strong desire to know who had made the team. He continued, the smirk widening, as she turned unwillingly around.

"I have made my decision as to whom will be this years Chasers, and though the choice was a little difficult, I'm sure you'll all agree that at the end of the day, two people flew better than all the others." He paused, drawing out the moment, still grinning wickedlly.

"First off, I congratulate Amanda Spinnet for successfully retaining her spot our the Gryffindor Team." The crowd clapped enthusiastically as the willowy blond moved forward to shake the Captain's hand, albeit still looking a little disgruntled. She moved to join Jamie, Jenny, Sirius, and Karl, and James finally lifted his hand once more for silence.

"And finally...the newest member...to our Team is…Lily Evans."

For a long moment there was only stunned silence, when suddenly Jenny let out a sparkling cheer and Sirius lazily started clapping his beautiful hands together. The applause grew, and almost in a dream, Lily moved forwards towards the boy who was now her captain.

His brown hand was large and strong as it wrapped around her trembling fingers. The sudden warmth gave her the courage to finally lift her gaze to his face, biting her lip and flushing slightly as all eyes stared her way. His expression was grave, and serious, and in the back of those liquid eyes lingered an defensive apology, that brought a soft smile finally to her face. His grip on her hand tightened and his lips begun to whisper the word

"I'm Sorr..."

When suddenly Lily found herself gasping for breath in Jenny's bone-crushing hug. Jamie's voice could be heard congratulating her enthusiastically and even Sirius honoured the occasion by sending her a small, discreet wink and a handsome affectionate smile. Lily felt her heart swell with happiness. She'd done it. She was on the Gryffindor Quidditch Team. Moniqua would be so proud, as would her parents wherever they were. Walking on air she allowed herself to be dragged away by a loudly screaming Jenny as she called for Emily and Alice to be fetched immediately to celebrate, 'Girl-Style'. It was time to PARTY!!

* * *

James watched them go, a lone figure leaning by the exit to the Stadium, beautiful and still as a marble statue. There was no expression in those hazel eyes, other than a slight self-mocking sneer, as the school's Golden Boy reflected on the irony of life. He couldn't deny the feeling in his stomach anymore, the strange flutters and jolts that like it or not, showed all to well the supreme pleasure he was desperately trying to hide. It was pathetic really, he thought cynically, already he couldn't repress the excitement at the thought of them spending more time together, flying together once more for the first time in twelve long months.

The last flash of her copper head disappeared from sight, and finally the faintly bitter smile was allowed to escape, and his voice was low and ruefully affectionate as he murmured the soft, proud words

"Well done, Lils."

* * *

**Sorry, no time or energy for long goodbyes lol, so please **

**R&R!!!!!!!!!!!**

**PS: I luv u guys!! :D :D :D**


	15. Chapter 15

**Hey there my wonderful readers!! Welcome to All Over Again; Chapter fifteen!! It seems so strange to say that; fifteen chapters already, the story's almost half way through. Time just seems to be flying past *sigh* rather evident in the fact that I seem to be updating later and later****L All I can say is that next week all my projects will be complete and all my tests finished until December, so I will be able to really get back to work properly on this story lol.**

**First things first; this is part one of two. Mainly because this was getting really too long and if I left the whole thing as one whole chapter, well it would be double the length. Two I'm late enough as it is *sigh*, its all these damned projects. Next week should return things to normal thank god. And three because it's quite a nice little cliffy lol, even if I do say so myself. J**

**This chapter focuses mainly on Sirius, especially the beginning. I guess the reason for that is because, so far, we've only really seen the Sirius we love, the person he his with his fellow Marauders and Lily. The humour, the passionate loyalty and endearing strength of his love for his friends, but we haven't really seen the other, bigger side of his personality. We've had hints of his contempt and coldness towards other people, but only really through memories or peoples accounts. In this chapter I really wanted to bring home the fact that, like it or not (and believe me, loving Sirius as I do, I definitely don't lol) he is in actual fact a complete and utter bastard, with all the Black cruelty and contempt for lesser mortals and general selfish unconcern for anyone besides him and his own. As much as I love Sirius, he also has to be hated, and that's what this chapter is mainly about. **

**Apart from that, I've also got a potions lesson lined up for you guys and of course, a little break from the Sirius theme, with some good old L/J action. ;) Because we all can't live without it lol.**

**So read on and enjoy and I hope you like it. J**

**Loads a luv**

**Lili**

**xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx**

* * *

All Over Again: Chapter 15

The tiny room was lit by nothing but a single glowing candle, nestling in the stone niche near the door. The dancing flame cast deep shadows on the stone walls, highlighting the five square meters that made up the hidden alcove, and turning the profiles of the two young people a rich gold. The orange contrasted sharply with the blackness of their opposite side, and the colours of the tiger rippled over the boy's perfect skin, lending him the distinct look of that beautiful predator.

He took a step closer and the girl trembled. He was so tall and so nonchalant that she felt horribly young and out of her depths. The dare seemed so silly now, and as he stepped even closer, his wolfish grin sent her poor heart stuttering hopelessly in both fear and delicious anticipation. Because however scared she was, she did want him, God did she want him, but her fifteen-year-old self still recoiled from the idea of satisfying that desire so drastically.

Her friends had told her he'd be gentle, that nobody in the school would make her first time so wonderful. If he accepted, she would be the luckiest girl in the whole of Hogwarts. Her new muggle boyfriend would never have to know that she wasn't quite as experienced as she'd made out. She'd never have to see the look of shock and anger in his eyes as the unavoidable pain and blood indicated just how badly she'd lied to him. So when the school heartthrob and Casanova had accepted her pleading request to make that danger disappear, all she could think about was how eternally grateful she was.

The moment when she'd asked him was the most embarrassing one of her entire life. Her friends had told her he was cruel enough to refuse her request to speak with him privately but the knowing stares of his equally gorgeous friends had still made her cringe so much she'd had to ask.

Sure enough they'd been right. The single contemptuous eyebrow he lifted at her had been a colder and more obvious "No" than any word he could have spoken. So she'd had to say it there and then, in front of all four Marauders and their respective fan clubs, in the middle of the Charms corridor.

The leader had smirked, his face beautiful and wicked as the devil. Lupin had simply looked at her, pity embarrassingly evident in his liquid amber eyes. Peter Pettigrew had openly mocked; his loud guffaw ringing down the corridor and then echoed by the twenty or so bimbos now grinning at her so triumphantly and viciously.

He himself had been unfazed. Not a flicker of surprise had lit his devastatingly beautiful purple eyes, as they'd glinted so enigmatically down at her, and she'd pleaded to every God in existence to make her just sink through the floor. Her head had drooped, her eyes had welled and she was already turning to flee when suddenly a horrified gasp made her look up.

Every jaw was hanging to the floor, only Potter and Lupin seemed unsurprised. And each and every bimbo was now looking daggers at her, if looks could kill she'd be dead a thousand times over and she flinched away uncomprehending from the menace in their eyes, until suddenly she saw it.

His beautifully toned golden arm had been extended in offer, a wicked smile dancing in his eyes as he'd taken a step forward and slipped it lightly through hers. She could only stare, stunned as his glorious face looked down at her and he'd sent her a mocking grin. And then she had been swept away, his cold glare to the spectators warning enough not to follow.

Sophie looked around the small room he'd brought her to, desperately trying to swallow the stubborn nervous lump in her throat, frantically looking at anything but him. Because he was coming closer. So close that she could count his unfairly long, sinfully dark black lashes. So close that she could watch in fascination as that irresistible dimple quivered and danced before her agonised eyes, close enough to touch with her small fingers. Close enough that the fear she'd been trying so hard to fight, suddenly overcame her in one swift outburst.

Her eyes filled with frightened tears, soft and dove-grey and pleading, while her hands trembled uncontrollably.

"Please, I can't! Please let me go!"

His smirk merely widened, as he yet again he came impossibly closer, and she shrank away from him, the panic in her eyes growing as he followed, so that soon she was backed against the wall. The urge to scream was overwhelming, but her throat refused to move. Tears were falling freely as she looked up at him, her whole body shaking as his hands lifted silently towards her and she turned her head away, eyes squeezed tight as she fought to block him out.

"Look at me." The velvet voice commanded so softly and so reassuring that despite herself she did so, forcing her frightened eyes to his to shamelessly beg for him to stop.

He was smiling still, but more gently now. She gasped as his warm hand stroked her ice-cold neck, and panic returned once more as she cringed away from the contact.

"Please, I beg you…" But he interrupted, smooth and soft as silk, as his other hand came up to her waist.

"You asked me here, in front of almost forty people. It took guts, which was why I said yes. But don't get me wrong."

His eyes suddenly locked with hers, black as night and burning with lust and cruelty.

"You offered yourself to me and by God I'll take you. Let me, and I swear on my own life, that you won't regret it."

Sophie felt her knees give way as the dark, delicious words sent tingles of mingled fear and lust down her spine and he used the moment to press his warm lips to hers, passionate but gentle, fierce but reassuring, and she melted into his ardent kiss, her mind suddenly blank. The heat rose in the small room, and his hands set her body alight with a fire that threatened to burn her to cinders. His lips whispered beautiful words into her white skin, his arms crushing her to him with a passion that made her go weak at the knees. Her gasps, moans, and whimpers echoed round the rough walls, as he lavished all his skill upon her still trembling form. He was everywhere, and soon their clothes lay discarded beside them as the two bodies sank to the floor and Sophie, for the first time in her young life, finally found out the true meaning of ecstasy.

* * *

Sirius Black sauntered down the corridor completely at his ease, all thoughts of the girl he'd left behind him forgotten. The lingering adrenalin rush from the light morning distraction had made his eyes bright and his body itching to move and be doing things. He'd put this off for too long, today he'd speak with her.

The difficulty would be to do so alone. All four girls were like four limbs of the same being. Accosting Lily in this way would no longer be cause for gossip, but right now, his angel was the last person he wanted to see.

Sirius checked his watch. Perfect. Second period should just be finishing and she should be coming out of Ancient Runes any minute now, the only class the other girls didn't take. The corridor was deserted, and Sirius revelled in the silence, something hard to come by with a circus of blondes and brunettes following your every move. He lounged back against the wall, leg casually lifted up to the stones as he settled back into a comfortable position to do what Sirius Black did best. Wait.

Seven minutes later, the bell rung magically loud and clear, and the purple orbs opened lazily to rest upon the door opposite him. The bustle of papers and bags and the scraping of chairs could be heard through the heavy oak, before finally the door opened and the class streamed noisily out. Girls stared and giggled to find the school idol alone and approachable but a cold glare kept each and every hopeful from coming closer, preferring instead the safer option of walking as slowly as possible towards the staircase and glancing back every few seconds before disappointedly disappearing out of sight.

Sirius sighed with resignation. His disgust for the babbling bimbos had long been tempered by time and he no longer yearned to murder the bunch of shallow airheads who dared to claim to love him. He snorted contemptuously. The poor stupid things had no idea who he really was; if they did they would run away screaming. It still amazed the school heartthrob how a simple visage could deceive the most careful observer. Not one of them realised how dangerous such mesmerising beauty could be. How in the wrong hands, it could be transformed into a weapon deadlier than a sword. Hands like his. To the world he possessed the face of an angel and therefore, the soul of one too. Another pitying smirk curled his lips.

If only they knew.

She was the last one to leave, just as he'd predicted. Even a year later, the after-effects of the bet still remained strong and unforgiven in people's minds. Hogwarts hated the two girls with a passion that, so far, time hadn't softened. Which was why, as predicted, when she quietly exited the classroom, she did so alone.

She wasn't looking at him, ebony head bent over the piece of parchment that seemed to be a graded essay. E. For most a very reasonable mark, but by the look on Blackwater's face, not what she'd been hoping for.

To his surprise, he found himself hesitating, and a soft cynical smirk escaped as he realised that for the first time ever, he, Sirius Black would actually have to work to get a girl's attention. The school's Casanova laughed inwardly at himself, realising he could barely remember how to accost a pretty girl. He hadn't needed to in such a long time; he was out of practice.

The smile warmed his eyes, transforming the coldly forbidding Adonis into a glowing angel whose beauty words couldn't describe, and it was in this guise that he reached forward and caught the black-haired girl's arm. And as her head shot round in surprise, it was all Emily could do to remain upright.

Her breath caught as those purple eyes trapped her blue ones in an iron grip. It was almost ironic, she thought distantly. Her eyes were famous throughout the entire school, apparently unmatched in their cerulean beauty, but those pools of violet and royal blue and black, all dancing together in two dark orbs; they were like the sun to her candle. What could she do but stare, allowing the feelings she always worked so hard to conceal, leak out through her tortured gaze.

Then he pulled her back to reality with a jolt. His eyes hardened, recognising the desire there and instantly curling his lip in distain. She wrenched herself together, reminding herself why she'd sworn never to go there, never to even think about going there. Because he would hate her as any other of his adoring fans and she didn't think she could bear that.

She forced all emotion from her eyes and face but surprise, and lifted a laughingly incredulous eyebrow at his hand that still clasped her forearm.

"Black?"

His face relaxed, the disgust replaced by a certain enigmatic wariness, and he eyed her composed features undecidedly. Emily breathed, praying that he'd think he'd been mistaken, that the expression on her face had simply been of shock. That he'd continue thinking that he was nothing to her but the near-brother of a mutual friend. Finally he answered, his voice low and lightly drawling, and as his attitude returned to normal, so did her heartbeat.

"Water." Her eyes creased in a small appreciative smile. He so rarely spoke to her, that she'd forgotten he never used the first half of her surname. It was an old first-year habit that had somehow stayed thoughout the following years. It made her feel warmer, thinking that such a little point made her just infinitesimally different from all the other airheads who languished after him. But he was still watching her minutely and the thought was quickly pushed aside, as she forced the nonchalant curiosity back into her voice.

"I'm guessing you're not here for the pleasure of my company," she grinned at him, inviting him to smile back but his face remained blank and, used to his coldness, she continued unfazed,

"So, I'll cut to the chase; What do you want Black?" A pause and then

"To talk to you. Obviously."

She raised another cynical eyebrow at him, the sarcasm heavy as she said

"Wow, what an honour. And what do you think I can tell you about Lily that she won't herself?"

The tiny quirk of his lips showed that she had hit the mark, and the smirk spread over her pretty face, head tilted to the side in obvious mocking challenge.

"Well. I'm listening."

But instead of answering directly he simply looked at her for a long moment, head tilted in a similar movement to hers, his heartbreakingly beautiful face giving away no clue to his thoughts. Eventually he spoke, but as they fell from his perfect lips, the words made Emily frown in surprise.

"Maybe we could take this somewhere a little more private?" His tone was business-like and to the point, but she couldn't quite ignore the tiny flutter of her heart as he said those words. His expression darkened slightly , his eyes filled again with that strange mixture of contempt and disappointment and she wondered why. So far she'd succeeded in keeping her face carefully blank and it wasn't like he could hear her heart's pitiful attempts at keeping to its normal rhythm. So why the sudden return of the doubt?

Still she pushed the thoughts once more aside, reflecting inwardly that she seemed to do that a lot when ever he was around. Her own lazy tone matched his as she answered

"Sure, what did you have in mind?"

Instead of answering he turned on his heel and strolled away, and Emily found herself torn between scowling at his arrogant, high-handed certainty that she would follow, and the overwhelming urge to drool as his gorgeous buttocks clenched and unclenched to the movement. She shook her head, inwardly cursing teenage hormones and moved quickly after him, only slowing down when she was directly at his side. Her nose was haughtily lifted as she practically marched in her fierce determination to keep up with his long easy strides, and unbeknownst to her, his lips lifted in a minute appreciative smile.

He led her down the corridor, through a door, and then another hallway until they stopped in front of a large, rather frightening portrait of a witch with startlingly green eyes and knee length hair as black as the locks on both Sirius' and Emily's heads. Emily eyed Morgana la Fey warily and the evil hag looked down at her descendants with distinct menace and dislike. Both increased tenfold as Sirius tapped her sharply on her pointed nose. Just thinking that she was in any way related to the witch made Emily cringe inwardly, and she glanced at Sirius' back curiously, wondering if he felt the same displeasure. Perhaps even stronger. The Blackwaters were a weaker spin-off of the true pureblood Black line, and the split was centauries old. Still it seemed ironic that both she and the beautiful boy waiting with unmatched patience for her to climb through the now open portrait, both shared the thick, shining, blue-black mane that was the heritage of that ancient line. Strange too that the newest generations of both families would now be meeting behind the portrait of the famous ancestor they shared.

* * *

Emily climbed carefully into the small space, automatically holding down the back of her mid-thigh length skirt regardless of Sirius' coldly derisive gaze. Standing back to let him follow with his customary languid graced, she scowled defiantly at his contemptuous smirk. So what if he didn't fancy her; it still didn't mean he was allowed freebies.

The door was closed behind them and the small alcove suddenly turned very dark, too dark for Emily's liking. In the blackness, all she could see was the faint outline of his magnificent body, her ears catching only the soft sigh of his breathing. It made her uncomfortably aware of his proximity, her tension only increasing as she realised just how he probably knew about this tiny space, what he usually got up to in the horribly tempting darkness.

Fighting the urge to reach out for him, instead she drew her wand and cast the Lumos spell, allowing a smile of relief to spread over her face as the sudden brightness chased away the unbearably heavy atmosphere.

He was gazing at her in that same enigmatic way, and Emily frowned slightly in confusion. It was almost as though he'd been looking at her long before she conjured the light, but that was ridiculous. However gorgeous the git was, he still human, and humans did not yet have the capability to see in the dark. Still the fixedness of his gaze disconcerted her slightly and so to hide her discomfort she prompted him to get the meeting over and done with.

"Well, we're as alone as can be so, come on, spill. What's keeping the great Sirius Black up at night?"

Almost immediately she flushed lightly, as the duel sense of the words hit home, but he made no comment, and despite herself, Emily felt a twinge of disappointment. Of course, he wouldn't make any kind of joke with her. If he was even conversing with her now it was because of Lily.

In general, her best friend's inexplicable bond with the cold, contemptuous heartthrob never really troubled her. If anything it allowed her to catch the odd glimpse of the person the rest of the school, including herself, never saw. She was lucky really, most girls would kill to see Sirius Black actually smile a real true smile of affection, even if the affection wasn't directed at her.

But sometimes, just the odd moments like these, she couldn't help but think wistfully about having a similar friendship with the beautiful but aloof boy. It was at times like these, that he seemed like the wind, the harder one tried to hold him, the faster he slipped away. For only a select few would he stay, but even then it was only ever because he wished it so.

Lily had once sadly sighed that sometimes she couldn't help but realise that James was, well...waaaay out of her reach. But Lily had no idea really. James Potter, despite the face, the fame and the overall perfection, still had a heart to give to that one special person. Lily hadn't thought she could hold him, keep him, because Lily hadn't realised that she too was special, however differently. But Potter had known it, and that was what made him different; James would always come down from his pedestal and pull her up there with him, because in his eyes, she was as deserving of the place as he was. Even if the world tried to pull him away, love would always keep him by her side. And right there was the difference between the school's two most famous players.

James had kept his heart and his love for one person and one person only. Sirius's had been thrown away long ago.

The sigh escaped and pulled Emily back from her musings, surprised that he hadn't done so himself. But he was simply looking at her again, his lips curled into a sneer as though he'd read her thoughts and felt only contempt for them. His eyes were hard, distain lingering in the back of those violet depths and his voice was cold and smooth as ice when he finally broke the uncomfortable silence.

"Nothing too difficult. I just want information. Information that you, Water, can give me."

Her incomprehension must have shown on her face because he continued silkily on

"Information about the bet."

He watched as the girls admittedly appealing blue eyes suddenly turned carefully blank, her face hardening infinitesimally as all emotion was carefully locked away. She met his gorgeous eyes with wary determination, holding his gaze as she spoke each word deliberately and watchfully.

"I'm sure Lily must have told you everything to know about that incident. There can't really be anything left to add."

She forced some lightness into her voice and laughed

"That was it? All that solemnity to talk about something that happened almost a whole year ago? I feel rather let down."

He made no answer and she moved towards the door with obvious relief, saying

"Well, if that's all it was Black, then you'll have to excuse me. Next period's in five minutes, you know and Slughorn…"

She was cut of by his large muscular body that was suddenly between her and the exit. She raised her eyes to his, wariness battling with the beginnings of anger as he blocked her passage. But before she could do more than open her mouth to demand him to move he cut her off once more, this time by his words, sharp and contemptuous as they bit like knives.

"Don't play games with me Water. I know Lily lied about that bet. And I know you collaborated with her story. What I don't know is why. Why did she do it Water? What brought on that sudden bout of hatred?"

"I have no idea what you're on about, Black."

He moved closer, eyes flashing with dawning anger now, tearing straight to her soul as his face darkened and she felt the first stirrings of fear clutch her chest. He towered over her, his stance tall and menacing, the look on his face almost demonic as glared down at her. But even in his frightening rage, he was unearthly beautiful.

Emily forced her eyes to keep glaring straight back into his. She wouldn't bow down to him, wouldn't be cowed into betraying her friend simply by a spoilt idol's temper tantrum. If he wanted her help, he sure as hell wouldn't get it by threatening her.

She lifted her chin at him in distinct challenge, a militant sparkle in her crystal clear blue eyes returning glare for glare. His jaw clenched in repressed fury, and Emily realised just how unused he was to not getting his own way. It only made her angrier.

"What did you expect Black? That I would betray my closest friend simply because the most worshipped prat in the school commanded me to do so. How dare you! How dare you even think that I would do that!"

"Enough of the theatrical outrage Water. You can spout off all this bullshit to someone else, I really couldn't care less about your poor wounded dignity. I want to know why she suddenly decided to break him."

"And you seriously think that I'm going to tell you?! Fuck off Black!"

His eyes locked with hers, glinting in fierce triumph.

"So there was something!" Her face froze and went blank, her voice flat and distant.

"I didn't say that."

"You implied it, Water. So come on, what did he do? What was it that hurt her so badly, that she struck back so hard?"

Emily's eyes narrowed and she tilted her pretty head, her expression suddenly shrewd and curious.

"Why are you so sure that he did do something Black? Who put this idea into your head?" The words were noticeably softer and coaxing. He met those knowing eyes straight and appraisingly.

"She told somebody."

Emily's eyes flew open in surprise, her jaw dropping before she quickly recovered her composure.

"Who?"

For the first time in their short but fiery meeting, Sirius hesitated, his gazing suddenly shifting away under the girl's suddenly hard stare. She wanted to know who Lily had trusted enough to confide in, he could see it in her eyes. But that was something he couldn't tell her.

But she also wanted to know how he'd come by the information and what planned to do with it, stubborn loyalty to her friend warring with a visible trust in him to only ever want Lily's best interests. He was winning. Curiosity and the hope of helping their shared loved one was gradually overcoming her dislike and mistrust of him. Sirius sensed his advantage and seized upon it, summoning a weapon he particularly disliked using but in his eighteen years, had never once failed him. His smile.

Emily blinked as though blinded by a sudden light, a soft blush tingeing her cheeks and inwardly he crowed. He moved closer to her, widening his violet eyes and staring deep into her cerulean ones. The intensity and worry in his velvet voice was not entirely feigned. The curiosity that had been keeping him awake for so many months was setting his entire face and body alight. He was so close to finally knowing, he could almost taste it on the air.

"Please Water. It's…it's eating them up inside. You must see it. How they need each other. How they're still hurting even after all this time. We could make that go away. Both of us. For both of our friends. I need to know what really happened. Please!"

In a sudden desperate rush, the words came out harsher and more pleading than he'd intended and flow of so many emotions finally won over the girl before him. But still she hesitated before speaking.

"Black, I…I can't tell you everything…"

"Water!"

"Because I don't KNOW everything!"

The pause was heavy and bemused, and Emily quirked a brief smile at the shock written all over those perfect features. She continued a moment later, the gravity returning to her blue eyes as she explained.

"She didn't tell me what he did." Sirius watched as the girls voice became distant and sad, her eyes staring wistfully into the past, confused and afraid for her dearest friend.

"She came back to the dormitory at some unearthly hour. I didn't know she'd gone and I wouldn't have at all if she hadn't come over to my bed and shaken me awake. Lily's a night-time person, how many times she would get up in the night to walk and to think. It always made her SO grumpy in the mornings too; one time we ended up having to vanish the bed out from under her she fought so hard to stay in it." Emily let out a quick snort of laughter, the memory briefly warming her eyes before she returned her gaze to Sirius intent face. Instantly she was solemn once more.

"But she'd never woken me up before. And, I guess I knew, weirdly, that something had gone terribly, terribly wrong." Her voice caught, in remembered pain, the pain she'd shared with her friend. The words dropped to a whisper.

"She'd been so happy all day. Floating on air; that smile…she was radiant. A little shy and bemused but so so…HAPPY. Like a blushing bride on her wedding day. But every time she asked she just laughed mischievously at us and say she'd tell us soon, she promised. Like it was one big surprise that she didn't want to spoil."

"And then that night, she came up to bed and somehow it was…multiplied by ten. If she'd been happy before, now she was simply glowing with suppressed joy. Her eyes sparkled in a way I'd never seen before. She was…stunning. Alight with pure bliss. She couldn't sit still, she couldn't stop smiling that silly dopy grin and every five seconds she would look at the clock and she would close her eyes in pure and utter joy. We didn't know what to make of it. I remember we pressed and coaxed her for over an hour but she wouldn't give in. Jenny was nearly in hysterics, she never could bear to not be in 'the know'. But finally we had to give in, and, as far as I knew, we all slept."

Sirius gaze wavered not once from Emily's white face, his eyes glowing quietly as his monstrous brain took in and processed every little bit of information, a thousand theories running through his mind all at once, ready to be evaluated and dismissed later. He remembered her being happy, the image of her green eyes sparkling with wicked pleasure into his as she'd ignored his curious questions. The flash of the bright mane as she teasingly shook her head. James' unprecedented small smile of repressed joy as his brother demanded the same questions of him with ever growing impatience. That day had been the perfect day. The perfect day before the end. Sirius nodded at Emily, silently demanding more. She gave it to him, in a voice wracked with pain and sadness, the words catching as she recalled the moment that had changed everything.

«"Her face was so white. Her eyes were filled to the brim with tears, but she wouldn't let them fall. Lily would never… The pain battling with an ever growing anger and disgust; it was…awful to see. It was like she'd been crushed, every scrap of life squeezed out of her. She looked so dead, so lost and so…hard. The lust for revenge was already burning in her eyes, the beginnings of a hatred that looked so wrong. Especially on her. Especially after so much happiness."

Emily raised her eyes suddenly and locked his gaze, defiant but fierce and unrepentant.

"She asked me to help her with her plan. You know just how cruel a plan it was. I begged her to tell me what he'd done to deserve THAT but she wouldn't say. She just begged me to help her. She couldn't ask anyone else."

"And you agreed to it."

The voice was lacking in all emotion but Emily still heard the silent disgusted criticism behind the words. She looked him in the eye and smiled softly, one brow lifted in gentle inquiry.

"If James had asked you the same thing, would you have refused, Sirius?"

He didn't answer and she didn't repeat the question, merely nodding and looking tactfully away, until his voice pulled her gaze back to his.

"What did you think might have happened?"

Her black brows descended.

"I told you, she didn't…"

"I know. But you must have wondered. There were no hints, no…I don't know…slips of the tongue? Not necessarily straight away but in the last year. She must have let something slip."

Emily continued to frown at his handsome face, though this time in a way that showed she wasn't really angry, rather that she was puzzling hard over anything she might have missed. Sirius felt disappointment flood through him as a minute later she shrugged helplessly, her face apologetic. His expression darkened in frustration; he'd been so sure Emily must have held the key. His eyes flashed in magnificent anger as he snarled under his breath, cursing his angel's damned pride and stubbornness in refusing help from even her closest friends. Damn the silly girl and her cursed bravery. Then.

"There was one thought that did occur to me…" Sirius' gaze flashed instantly back to hers, intense and for once furiously impatient. But she hesitated, refusing to meet his gaze.

"You won't like it. But remember you asked for my opinion before you hex me into oblivion."

He frowned, wary but curious. What could be so bad that he'd hex her?

"I think…he may have cheated on her."

In the silence you could have heard a pin drop. It was an ugly silence, heavy and menacing and even in the dull glow of the wand light, Emily could see the demonic fury in the black-haired boy's eyes as he glared at her in open-mouthed indignation and seething anger.

"How…dare…you." The words were bit out from gritted teeth, laced with so much cold fury that she cringed away despite herself. The words were coming quicker now, his voice getting harsher and harder until it trembled with the force of his fury.

"James would never…NEVER cheat on Lily!" Emily's eyes darkened in turn and she flashed back

"Because he's got SUCH a spotless record!"

"This is my brother we're talking about!"

"Who, in case you forgot, happens to have cheated on all thirteen of his previous girlfriends before Lily and all seven after her!!"

"Lily was DIFFERENT!!!"

"No, Black!! Lily was different to YOU!!!"

Emily glared at him, chest rising and falling with heavy angry breaths. He paused, eyes still flashing with loathing but she could see she'd struck a nerve, behind those livid eyes she could see his monumental brain working at full speed, past observations of his own suddenly being strung together so easily now that the key was at hand. Or possible key anyway. She felt her anger slipping away at the flash of hurt on his beautiful features, her glare softened but she held his sparkling gaze.

"Just admit...it's possible." A pause and then, lost and hurt

"No. He can't have. He swore…"

Sirius suddenly pulled himself together, conscious that in that moment of shock he'd given too much away, let this girl who meant nothing to him see a part of him that she had no business seeing. The cold mask of distain was fixed firmly into place and when he spoke it was with his customary insolent drawl.

"Thank you for telling me all this Water, you've actually been of help. But I warn you now; repeat such a thing about James ever again, and I swear you will not survive this year with all five limbs intact." The menace was thinly veiled in the voice of silk and Emily flushed in anger at his sudden return to the cold, arrogant unapproachable bastard.

She marched straight to the door, fists clenched before a sudden thought made her turn around, white hand wrapped tightly around the handle, eyes glinting with cold mockery and lip derisively curled.

"Now now, Sirius. Whatever would Lily say?"

Her lips curved into one final smirk of victory revelling in the sadistic pleasure of watching his eyes narrow in vicious dislike at the knock out blow. But he kept his self-control, even when the pretty ebony headed girl threw him a mocking wink and flounced out of the portrait hole, her final words floating back to him, ringing with wicked laughter.

"See ya around Black. I'll tell Lils you said hi."

* * *

The last lesson of Friday morning was Double Potions with, as always, the Gryffindors' favourite people in the world; the Slytherins, along with the neutral Ravenclaws and one lone Hufflepuff. But even the looming mass of green that leered menacing at her from across the corridor where the class waited for the rotund little potions master, couldn't quite dampen Lily's spirits. For some strange reason unknown to most of her fellows, she happened to love both the subject and even, on occasion, the Professor who taught it. However pompous and ingratiating Slughorn was towards his betters , Lily hard it hard to feel anything but laughing affection for the little man who treated her much like a favourite Granddaughter.

The bell rang loud and eerily through the damp dungeon halls, signalling the start of fourth period, but it was a full seven minutes later that the rotund, panting form of Professor Slughorn and his quivering moustache rounded the corridor at a near run. Lily's eyes couldn't help but twinkle wickedly. The effects of such rare exertion were clearly visible in her teacher's shiny brow and heaving chest and as he bustled past her to the door, Lily had to stifle a giggle as the faint odour of sickly sweet pineapple lingered in his wake.

The pupils traipsed gloomily in, but Lily hesitated at the door. Not one of her fellow Gryffindors had yet arrived, and though lateness was the norm for the four Marauders, Emily neither Alice nor were never usually late. Jenny had, with great delight, said a not so fond farewell to the subject at the end of fifth year, a sentiment echoed vehemently by Slughorn. The two had never really clicked and Jenny's ego had not taken kindly for being completely ignored and overshadowed by her best friend. Lily smiled ruefully. That was always Jenny's besetting sin; the unconscious expectation of the attention she invariably received. Most of the time she moaned and protested about the constant adoration, but her three friends knew that any person who didn't warm to her instantly, would be forever marked down in her black books.

The slapping of frantic feet made Lily look up and then smile with relief. Emily was sprinting down the corridor like lightening, rapid as a shooting bullet, while a few paces back Alice valiantly tried to follow, her sweet round face flushed from the exercise. Lily felt for her. Alice was by no means unfit but Emily was one of those lucky people who could simply run for hours at a time. It always seemed strange to her friends because Jenny, who was considered by all as the sporty one of the group, was notoriously lazy and despised any form of running altogether. That was why, she always grinned, she'd chosen a sport where you sit down.

The two girls slowed to a halt at Lily's side, one panting in a way rather similar to Slughorn a few minutes before, the other looking unfairly refreshed and bright eyed, grinning mischievously at her friends both of whom simply rolled their eyes and pushed her to the door.

As they took their seats, Lily raised her voice so that it could be heard over the noisy group of Slytherins.

"So where were you two? You guys usually get here way before me." Arithmacy was up on the fifth floor.

Alice shook her head laughingly.

"Sprout overrun. She arrived late because apparently some second year decided to stick his hand in the mouth of her favourite Venomous Tenticula. It took her three hours to coax it into giving all four fingers back."

The girls laughed and Lily turned to Emily this time, curious as to why the rest of her friends Ancient Runes Class had arrived a good fifteen minutes before Emily had. The black-haired girl looked briefly uncomfortable, shrugging her shoulders vaguely when a welcome distraction came in the form of the arrival of the notorious foursome.

Typical, thought Lily acidly. Almost twenty minutes late and not even a comment from their teacher, a teacher who was rapidly losing brownie points in Lily's critical eyes. For a brief moment James looked directly back at her, his eyes deliberately and carefully blank, but a second later his glorious face had turned back to Remus, his echoing laugh insolently and infuriatingly loud.

Slughorn caught sight of the school idols slipping into their customary seats at the back and beamed widely, his face full of good-natured humour as he shook his bald head ruefully. Then he turned to the class, new vigour in his small watery eyes. Lily scowled.

Sirius of course missed nothing and he caught her glaring eye with wicked mischief dancing in his own. She stuck out her tongue and lifted her chin as she turned back to the Professor, but the grin was escaping despite her best efforts. She shook her head laughingly, damm Sirius and the way he had of soothing her most ruffled feathers. A single look and all her indignant anger had disappeared. Stupid git.

"Right, ladies and gentlemen. Today we shall be doing a brief but highly important revision of the evolution and creation of poisons and antidotes." Lily groaned inwardly. Last year revisions AGAIN. She mastered antidotes last October, not to mention her far more advanced study during her training with Moniqua. But hey, at least it was an easy lesson.

"To spice things up a little Dumbledore believes that you need a real sense of danger and the diffulculties of working uder extremly intense pressure. He has therefore given me permission to direct an highly unsual and dangerous pratical test today. You will be administering these unknown poisons to your classmates, to give you that sense of real urgency and pressure, though I assure all now, I have the correct antidote to every poison here at the ready.I will warn you now that these poisons are not fake and are certainly to be taken extremly seriously. We hesitated about doing this but eventually it was decided that it is preferable for you to be aware of the full dangers of these potions. Therefore every poison will provoke extremly real effects, including both pain and paralysis. We trust in your maturity to take this seriously."

The class murmured in new interest, and Lily felt a spark of excitement tinged with fear despite herself. This was more like it, real poisons to real people and real pressure to work as quickly and efficiently as possible. She listened harder and Slughorn winked at her obvious interest.

"The class will be split into two groups, and each person from the two groups will pick out a number from one of two bags. The two people with the same number will be working together, though deciding who will make the antidote and who will drink the poison is up to you; next week you will be switching roles anyway. Each number corresponds to one of these bottles on my desk. Right, are there any questions? No? Excellent. Let's get moving."

The noisy sounds of scraping chairs and pushing bodies could be heard in the small damp room, and Lily, eying the leers of some of the Slytherins, could help but bite her lip in worry. Then Emily pulled her arm over to the closest group, wincing as Snape roughly shoved into her shoulder as he reached from the same bag. Even so she couldn't help but smile with relief. At least she couldn't be partnered with him.

She pulled out the crumpled piece of parchment and opened it with a silent prayer to anyone listening. The number 2 was written in black scratchy ink, and she glanced over to Alice on the other side of the room, with a look of hopeful inquiry.

But Alice shook her blond head and held up a seven dolefully, before smiling as Emily jumped on top of her gleefully waving her own seven over her head.

Lily giggled at her friends' antics but a moment later her gravity returned, she scanned the other group, and caught Sirius' eye.

"You wouldn't by any chance be number two Sirius? Remus?"

Both shook their heads and Lily bit her lip once more. Then a hateful voice of velvet spoke smoothly from over her shoulder.

"Finally, a legitimate reason to poison you, Red."

* * *

Lily spun round, wide-eyed to stare in revolted disbelief into James' smirking face. His eyes were glinting wickedly and he threw the ball of paper to her, so fast she barely had time to snatch it out of the air. Wrenching the parchment open she glanced desperately at it, before closing her eyes as her worst nightmare was confirmed, confirmed by the messy black number that loomed tauntingly back at her. A number two.

Why,!! Why him?!! Anyone but him!! Snape! Give me back Snape, I'll put up with the grease and the glare, honest. I'll never miss Sunday mass ever again!! God, please!!! Not unexpectedly, nothing happened, and when Lily opened her eyes the mocking grin still hovered inches above her. She glared up at him, hating him for enjoying his, and detesting even more the way the gloomy darkness somehow made him look even sexier, the candle light sparkling on his gold skin like sunbeams on rippling water.

James' eyes were brimming with evil laughter, and as she seethed in silence, the glinting wickedness in his hazel orbs only increased. He suddenly made a mocking bow and when he spoke it was a light drawl, smooth as silk and openly disdainful

"_Après vous, mademoiselle_."

She flushed with anger and stormed over to the seat opposite the one he was politely holding out for her. He made no comment but sat down beside her, deliberately close enough for her to feel his body heat warming her entire left side. She refused to look at him, staring determinedly ahead towards the preposterously large, quivering moustache. He chuckled softly beside her but said nothing. The treacherous blush rose in her cheeks as he simply sat there in silence, a small smile curving his lips, gazing at her with disconcerting intensity amidst the hustle and bustle of the final pairings being formed.

Suddenly a snarl cut loud above the racket drawing everyone's eye. Snape's eyes were hard and sharp as onyx, his teeth bared and his chest heaving as he glared with the deepest loathing at the boy in front of him. Both heads were black as ebony, both bodies trembling with barely suppressed fury as they glared into each other's eyes.

Professor Slughorn bobbed worriedly between them, his piggy eyes flying from one face to the other, the only resemblances between them being the matching sneers of hatred twisting both their features, and the blue-black heads, similarities that highlighted all the clearer the already painfully obvious differences between the pair. The one, broad and tall, gleaming gold in the candlelight, the anger on his face transforming him into an avenging angel, unmatched in both deadly beauty and power, his distain regal, his contempt only enhancing a natural god-given majesty. The other pale, scrawny and greasy-haired, with eyes cold and black as jet and bony fingers clenched around an invisible throat as he gnashed his teeth towards his hated enemy.

Lily's insides were suddenly cold, her eyes wide with horror as her two closest male friends, past and present, seemed ready to murder each other there and then. Whatever Snape had done, she still couldn't bear to seem him hurt and humiliated at the Marauder's hands. In was instinctive, possibly unreasonable, but she hated both of them at that moment. Snape for so willingly throwing away all traces of humanity and their old friendship; Sirius for risking his life for an old schoolboy grudge, for the cruelty that made her cry out silently for his victims, for bullying a boy that however weak alone, had tied himself to the most powerful dark wizard in the world. Lily felt her entire body begin to tremble.

His hand was warm and strong as it suddenly grasped her shoulder, the pressure enough to pull her back together, the unexpectedness distracting enough to make her burnished head spin around to stare up into his glorious face, her own full of blatant shock.

He was looking towards his brother, but her stare finally made him lower his gaze to hers, defiance and arrogance not completely hiding the tinge of embarrassment lurking in the back of the glowing pools of gold.

Breath didn't seem to want to come. Somewhere, far far away, her mind was screaming that she should be thinking about Sirius, Sirius and Snape both ready to commit murder only a few meters away, but his eyes refused to let her go.

His hand slowly loosened and the sudden panic must have shown in her eyes, because a moment later his grip had strengthened once more, his expression intense enough to burn, and her eyes half closed as his warm fingers slid slowly down the length of her sleeve to her wrist. They touched the bare white skin, her breath caught in her throat and she bit back a gasp as the last remains of his icy mask fell away and the lust that was setting her skin aflame suddenly ignited in his own eyes. Unconsciously they moved closer, his grip tightening, her heart rate quickening, and they were closer still, so close she could feel his body heat, so far that her fingers itched to close the gab between them, so close…

"Boys, Boys that is ENOUGH!" No one noticed the pair suddenly jump back in panic, all present were oblivious to anything but the threesome in the middle of the room, and Lily found herself gasping in relief, however short-lived.

"Enough do you hear me? You are soon to be eighteen years old, you are both adults by law! This childishness is beyond ridiculous. You are to work with the person with the same number as your own. That is FINAL."

"I'm not letting that bastard poison me!" Snape spat viciously

"Cowardly as ever, Snivellus." The cold taunt was accompanied by a absurdly handsome sneer, but his violet eyes gleamed with a frightening mixture of cruelty and hatred.

"Then show us what a brave Gryffindor you are, Black. Take the poison yourself." The room waited for an answer to the obvious challenge.

Sirius raised a weary eyebrow at him before drawling.

"I will."

Every jaw dropped to the floor, flabbergasted by this ludicrous stupidity. A Gryffindor placing his life in the hands of a Slytherin? Was he mad?! Only Slughorn seemed newly cheerful.

"Well, there, you go, finally someone mature enough to be the bigger ma…"

"And then I'll brew my own antidote."

The silence became if possible even more stunned. Even Slughorn was stuttering in his dismay.

"My dear boy, don't be ridiculous, these poisons are NEWT level, at the very least they will have effects of…of paralysis, blurry vision, difficulty with both balance and physical weakness. You will be in no way up to analysing and brewing a highly complicated antidote. It's quite simply preposterous, even I…"

"Nevertheless sir, I'll do it. If you please."

"Mr Black, I must insist…"

"Why not let him try Professor."

Lily started as James' voice suddenly interrupted, clear, confident and mature. She looked up at him bemused, but he kept his direct gaze on the highly put out little man.

"Mr Potter I hardly believe…"

"As you said sir, we're all but adults now, all wanting to push our own boundaries. You'll excuse me I'm sure for reminding the class that Sirius Black has a near perfect potions record, second only to Miss Lily Evans and Mr Snape. I agree that it will be a challenge, sir, but as you yourself pointed out, you posses the antidote, should anything go wrong. Therefore the danger itself must surely be minimal, with somebody of your skill and experience present should the worst happen. "

Lily openly gaped at him. James had always been a favourite with all their teachers, adored for both his unmatched raw talent as well his natural charm and good-looks, but never had she seen him so blatantly suck up to Slughorn before. She scowled. It irked slightly that for never having practised, flattering ingratiating walrus' obviously came as naturally to him as everything else did.

Slughorn was evidently pleased and receptive to the polite yet confident persuasions of the tall handsome Head Boy. Cowardly by nature, he was always one to find the answer that put him and his own comfort out as little as possible. The small blue eyes were already wanting to give in, and sure enough a moment later the huge moustache bounced up and down as he begrudgingly nodded.

"Very well, very well, if you must insist in this absurdly childish manner then I suppose for the sanity of this class I must give way. However, this leaves mister Snape without a partner." he shook his bald head in exasperation.

"I simply cannot permit myself to withhold the opportunity of…"

"I'll work with him."

This time the gasps were audible, every face was stunned and white as James Potter offered of his own free will to work with his most hated enemy Severus Snape, and Sirius suddenly dark eyes snapped to his brother's face. It was ludicrous, impossible. Already every girl was blanching as she imagined the beautiful boy lying pale and rigid on the cold clammy floor, some going so far as to add a mercilessly laughing Snape standing triumphantly over his lifeless form. James seemed to read the fear and panic on their faces and smirked reassuringly to the different members of his fan club.

Lily watched his throw a sexy grin and a wink to a teary Jenifer Backbone, who along with her friends seemed to be already planning their own suicides. But for once she didn't roll her eyes at the spineless bimbos, instead she shared their fear, albeit far more discreetly. How could he be so calm, so confident? Did he truely beieve that Snape wouldn't take the chance to harm his oldest enemy? Her face remained carefully calm and watchful, but inside something seemed to be screaming like a banshee. Somewhere in her chest. Her heart, she realised vaguely. And then James was speaking again.

"Perhaps if Miss Evans preferred she could rejoin her habitual group of Miss Blackwater and Miss Greycloud." He nodded towards where Emily and Alice stood beside their cauldron, as stunned as the rest.

The words brought Lily back to reality with a jolt. James was planning to put himself in danger, place his very life in Snape's bony hands, and more to the point send her away? Leaving him alone?! Like HELL! Her eyes blazed with sudden anger and determination, and almost without realising she had stepped forward back to James side, saying loudly and fiercely.

"That won't be necessary Professor."

Every eye turned now to her, and as her old friends coal black orbs burned a hole in her forehead, she found herself flushing. She pushed the thoughts of Sev away, reminding herself that he was no longer that little boy, ignoring the pain in her sudden determination to protect her fellow Head. Beside her, James eyes were narrowed to slits, warning her to stay out of this, furiously refusing with all his strength. But it wasn't his request to refuse.

She turned back to smile charmingly at her favourite Professor, her green emeralds dancing as he visibly melted. Lily crowed inwardly. HAH! That was how to do it Potter!!

"I see no reason why two people can't work on the same antidote Professor. And I would be happy to…"

"No!" James' snarl was almost as frightening as the ferocity in his glowing eyes.

"I would be happy to volunteer to drink the poison twice, for both members of the group."

James strode suddenly forward, his teeth gritted, voice as cold as ice, and to the world, he casually laid his hand on Lily's shoulder; the world who remained oblivious of the grip of iron that almost made Lily wince in pain.

"I'll…drink…the poison, Sir." His tone warned against any argument, but Lily still opened her mouth to protest until he met her indignant gaze, stared deep into her eyes and said just a little more softly.

"If anything goes wrong, I'd prefer to have BOTH of the best potions students in the year trying to save my life." The rest of the class laughed nervously, but James and Lily never broke each other's gaze.

She was silenced, unable to refuse the demand in those painfully burning eyes. And the request. He was asking her to be his backup. He was counting on her. And even after everything he'd done, she couldn't let him down.

"FINE!! Black you will take vial number three. The group consisting of Mr Potter, Mr Snape and Miss Lily Evans will work with vial number two. Now, it is time to start WORKING."

The class recognised the voice of one who had been pushed to his limits and silently obeyed. Lily watched white-faced as her darling made his way over to the remaining empty table, the green vial swirling ominously in his hand.

He felt her anguished gaze and he turned around, his rather hard face softened as he sent her his typical arrogant grin. She couldn't not smile back, but worry was eating away at her. Sensing this, he sighed and seemed to think for a moment. Then his eyes lit up and he rummaged in his bag before pulling out a small scrap of parchment. Lily frowned puzzled but he simply grinned wickedly at her before bending over the table to hide his machinations from view. The frown darkened to a scowl at his deliberate provocation and she turned grumpily away back to her own group, her face paling once more as her once best friend lowered himself warily into the remaining empty seat. His eyes were locked on her face but she kept hers on her hands, avoiding both his intense gaze just as she was avoiding James' sparkling eyes.

It was James who broke the painfully heavy silence, saying with complete outward composure.

"Well, we'd better get started."

He reached forward and grasped the vial of crystal clear liquid, eyeing it reflectively for a brief moment before unscrewing the top and raising it to his lips. The first drop touched his tongue when suddenly, for the first time, Snape's cold, malicious voice cut into the bubble of stillness like a knife through butter.

"Unless you really want to die Potter, you might want to give us both a sample of that poison before gulping down the entire thing. I don't particularly desire the dubious pleasure of having to analyse all your physical symptoms."

Lily seemed to awaken from a daze and she flushed under Severus' highly disapproving stare. He was right. What was she doing? She had to concentrate, James was counting on her. She shook her head vigorously, ignoring both boy's stare and assumed her businesslike demeanour.

"Potter, pour about 50 millilitres of that potion into each of these two vials. Snape and I will get these fires lit and the cauldron's filled with a neutral base. Then..."

She paused as something tugged on the sleeve of her robes that lightly brushed the table. Lily looked down and gasped in shock as a tiny paper dog barked and pranced adoringly beside her pencils case. Completely distracted she bent down closer, an irrepressible smile pulling at her lips as she examined with delight the puppy's perfect minute detail. Unbeknownst to her both boy's faces darkened, with the same jealous sparkle, before turning moodily away and getting on with their jobs.

The little creature pulled once more on her sleeve before running and fetching another paper creation, a small rolled up ball that Lily hadn't noticed. It spat it out by her hand, wagging its minute tail insistently and Lily couldn't help but laugh.

She picked the tiny thing and carefully unfolded it, her smiling eyes turning sombre as scanned the parchment. The words were written in tiny perfectly formed script in the French style that was drilled into most young and wealthy purebloods heads. Some things just couldn't quite be completely erased. It said

"Enough with the glum face Lils. I need you on top form to keep that slimy bastard from murdering my best mate. Please Lil's, whatever it was he did, please help him now."

Lily forced all emotion from her face, but her eyes flew involuntarily to those enigmatic violet orbs. His face gave nothing away, even more carefully blank than hers but his eyes were disconcertingly knowing. She looked back at him warily, her mind buzzing with frantic questions. Did he know? How? Why was he so sure?

She forcefully pulled herself together, focusing on the bright little flames growing steadily stronger under her pewter cauldron. The words could have been referring to something else completely. She was overreacting. James had tortured her in almost every conceivable way over the entirety of their sixth year. There were countless things he'd done to her that she could want revenge for. She had to be realistic. There was no way he could know the truth.

Then across the room, Sirius suddenly convulsed in his chair and she almost cried out. But a moment later he was back on his feet, and she fought the desire to run to him as his face turned pale as death itself and his lip clenched between white teeth against the obvious pain, but his brown hands were mercifully steady and precise. His met her eyes and jerkily towards where James sat, carefully pouring out the amount of liquid. Lily nodded, swallowing hard and tore her eyes away, forcing her thoughts back to her own group , blocking out from her mind the image of Sirius' beautiful features taut with agony.

"Whenever you're ready…" Snape voice dropped so that only she could hear.

"Lily."

Lily flushed and glared fiercely into his cold eyes, before turning back to James who was lounging easily in his chair, the three vials lined up in front of him. His eyes met hers and involuntarily she swallowed. The green emerald sparkled once more in panic, her hand twitched as the urge to knock all three bottles to the floor almost overcame her good sense. She didn't want him to do this. Not him too. He shouldn't have to. What would she do without him?

His brow creased into a frown as he watched the emotions tauten her face. She could see the puzzlement there, the confusion and a look of doubt as his hazel irises bored into her too-bright eyes.

Then he picked up the middle vial, saying with a hint of an obnoxious grin

"Bottom's up." and drained the bottle to the dregs.

For a heartbeat he sat there, his arrogant smirk taunting her wickedly as she waited petrified for what would follow. Then a moment later James sprawled in his chair, eyes wide and body rigid and wracked with barely repressed convulsions. The tears almost came there and then but James' hazel eyes locked with her, wincing in pain but with that same compelling strength that she recognised as Moniqua's. The thought gave her strength and she forced everything out of her mind apart from what she had to do.

Lily's burnished head bent over the simmering cauldron, jaw clenched in complete concentration. Beside her Snape's eyes glanced time and time again to her rigid figure, painful loss and jealousy in their depths but he too worked swiftly away. He would show her he still cared for her, even to the point of helping his greatest tormentor.

The race was on.

* * *

**Well there you go! So? How was it? As I said this chapter is really to make up for the lack of Sirius in both previous ones, though this is « the dark side of the Sirius » lol. **

**Anyway part two is already in motion and I'll try to post it this weekend. My last project is to be given in Friday so if I'm a bit late I am sorry but I promise that after this week things will return to normal lol.**

**For now, lots and lots a luv and thanks to all my readers and reviewers. Don't give up on me just yet, I'll be back in rhythm soon lol.**

**See ya soon **

**Lili**

**xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx**

**PS: I know I'm getting greedy lol, but the 400 review mark is almost in sight and so I will luv you fr ever and ever lol, if you push me over it with this chapter :) Pretty please!! R&R!!**


	16. Chapter 16

**Jesus Christ Almighty! Sorry, bad way to start a chapter lol, please nobody send me hate mail for that little piece of blasphemy. I am, to put it briefly, exhausted. (and moaning lol) :)**

**This chapter is probably the most difficult I've written, and that makes me think it maybe isn't as good as the others, or as it should be. Because if the emotions are this tiring to write they can't be much better to read *sigh* Yes, this chapter is pure ANGST, well you probably expected that after last time's cliffy but still… Who knows, maybe I'm just being a worrywart as usual lol. :) I mean there's been a couple of chapters I've been terrified about putting up that most people have actually really liked. So hopefully it's just me lol. Obviously this means you all have to review and reassure me, he he he ;)**

**Hmmm I really don't want to say anything because it will spoil the shock, so I think I'll simply thank all my readers and reviewers and leave you to hopefully enjoy in peace. You all know how much I tend to rabbit on and on and on… Shutting up now ;)**

**Luv y'all**

**Lili  
Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx**

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All Over Again: Chapter 16

Drip.

One.

Drip.

Two.

Drip.

WHOOOSH!!

The curtain of molten copper gleamed in the oppressive candlelight as Lily jerked away from the sudden spray of spitting acid, barely quick enough to avoid the steaming drops. A few moments later and the fizzing, swirling, now-black mixture in her poor, much-tried cauldron returned to normal, the last bubbles bursting on the surface which eventually stilled and calmed, gleaming innocently like black onyx.

Lily replaced the bottle of armadillo bile on the oak workbench, eyeing the soon-to-be antidote warily. Her detailed analyse of the poison that James had consumed had proved it to be every ounce as complicated and as dangerous as Slughorn had warned and the antidote no less so. Until the addition of the last of over thirty-five elements, the mixture remained a clear liquid, the colour of which depended on the stage of the brewing, but which, nevertheless, held approximately ten times the corrosive power of sulphuric acid. Only the last ingredient, a single unicorn hair, turned this deadly mixture into one of the most powerful healing potions in existence.

Lily couldn't help but thank Moniqua silently for having introduced her to both the poison and the antidote during their training together. Her prior knowledge reduced the task from nightmarish to merely complicated and difficult. Still there was zero room for error.

Lily looked at her watch, wiping a bead of sweat from her white forehead before sneaking yet another glance at James's pale figure. The first stage of the poison had finished, the convulsions had ceased and the dull constant throb of pain had lessened. The effects of the second part of the poisons slow progression had commenced roughly fifteen minutes ago. The thought brought the flash of panic back into her too-big, too-sparkling eyes, threatening for the thousandth time to overcome her when James suddenly lifted his dark head.

His hazel orbs opened to meet her agonised gaze and she abruptly wiped any trace of her anxiety from her pale face, meeting his stare with only businesslike determination. She would not show him her fears. She would not let him see how the sight of him ashen and trembling from the short, sharp regular bursts of white-hot agony that characterised the second step of the progression, was almost killing her inside.

The fear was pushed back once more; her face tautened into complete concentration as she progressed to the next part of the process. She picked up the bowl of liquid silver she had preheated earlier and carefully dropped three dragon scales into it. Her white hand swirled the bowl so that the thick shimmering melted metal seemed to writhe and pulsate like a living organism. In a few seconds, all three shell-like scales were completely coated, and very carefully, Lily levitated them from the recipiant and into the semi-brewed potion that sat motionlessly in her cauldron. Her face spread into a small smile of satisfaction as her idea of coating the scales in silver worked perfectly. The magical metal protected the scales from the acid just enough to allow the rough half-circles to dissolve slowly and progressively into the black acid. During her training, she'd found that simply adding the scales on their own led to them reacting instantaneously with the mixture and exploding beneath the surface, invariably covering the brewer with painful splashes. Instead small bubbles rose one after one to the surface as the physical manifestation of strength and protection slowly melted into the brew without incident.

Lily allowed a brief moment to admire her own cleverness when she felt a different gaze scorching her left cheek. In spite of herself and the screams of warning from inside her own head, her eyes involuntarily flickered to the carefully expressionless face of the boy next to her.

Snape's eyes were glowing with frightening intensity but as they met the wary emeralds, the pools of blackness turned blank and devoid of anything but a lingering distain. Lily quickly looked away, escaping under pretence of adjusting the fire that was a touch too strong under the cauldron. Still she couldn't repress the small shiver. To be so close to the boy she'd once adored was worse even than she'd expected. His proximity brought back inevitably the memories of the old days, of quiet hours such as these passed comfortably away in almost complete silence as both simply enjoyed the companionship and the quiet, lilting subtleness of their favourite class.

But that was before. Before society and reality had kicked in.

Looking back, Lily could see now haw naïve they'd both been really, struggling for five years to hold onto a friendship that in reality should have never taken place. Because in the real, cold, callous world, muggleborns and muggleborn-haters could never really be anything but enemies. Looking back, she knew that she was lucky to have kept him as long as she had, lucky that he'd cared enough to stand by her for all those long years, resisting so hard against fate. But youth and youth's sweet optimistic belief in the power of friendship couldn't hold out indefinitely against the pressures of society and adulthood. There must always have come a time when they would finally part ways, each to follow a path that, truthfully, had been laid out for them from the start.

For a while, she'd indulged in the hope that their bond would be enough to take him with her, to resist the pull of his world and his obligations and follow her. She'd fought with every ounce of her strength to bring him back, cried a hundred tears and prayed a thousand prayers to any higher being listening for him to stay, stay the boy she'd known, the friend she'd loved, the brother she'd adored.

But he hadn't. He chosen power and security over loyalty and courage. He'd chosen Voldemort over her, and her hatred for the man who'd murdered her parents had increased tenfold as he'd stolen yet another person she loved away from her. And Sev, who had gone if not willingly but of his own accord, he'd ceased to exist for her, any bond they'd ever shared severed by two cutting syllables. Her original fury and hurt had over time lessened to a dull bruise that hurt only when touched, but the loss and regret of having been unable to save him still weighed her down like a millstone around her neck. Two years on, she could only feel pity and sadness for the friend who'd introduced her to the wonders of magic, and was now, ironically, fighting to take them away from her and her kind forever.

Lily sighed and returned to the present, letting go of the memories and the dreams and bringing her attention back to the here and now, where the boy she loved was dying before her eyes. She picked up the sprig of mistletoe, and with one hand dexterously added the foliage one leaf at a time, stirring three times clockwise, twice counter-clockwise all the while as she did so. The each green spike sank silently beneath the blackness, leaving barely a ripple behind as the acid immediately dissolved the vegetation. After the last leaf, the mixture turned to a minutely different constancy. Only a skilled person could detect the barely visible change, the slightly more velvet texture, the greater clarity and shimmer. Lily sighed yet again in relief at another stage accomplished successfully. The potion now had to rest for five and a half minutes before continuing. Lily sat back in her chair and breathed deeply for the first time since she'd started.

Immediately though she turned to James, her eyes wide and stricken as she felt his brown foreword that was slick with sweat. He'd been sitting with his eyes closed, breathing heavily and still trembling ever so slightly and every minute or so his face would suddenly crease in a sharp agony before fading once more to the dull constant throb. But as her finger brushed his skin, he looked up and somehow summoned a brave heartbreaking shadow of his typical cocky grin. Her hand trembled, ice-cold against his burning skin and she bit her lip as, before her eyes, another onslaught of pain wracked his body, forcing his eyes momentarily to close in his supreme effort to prevent himself from crying out.

Suddenly a girl's panicked scream cut through the heavy silence and every eye turned towards table three. Lily's heart missed a beat as she saw her darling collapsed over the oak workbench, completely silent. Slughorn was busy with a group of Ravenclaw girls who had obviously messed up their potion. Returning the gangly strawberry blond to health seemed to be proving difficult, due to the fact the girl was sobbing hysterically, overcome by hallucinations and refusing to swallow.

Her eyes flew back to James, terror in their depths as automatically she pleaded for him to do something. It was instinctive, only a moment later did she realise how ridiculous she was being. James could do nothing in the state he was in.

His eyes were back open, as though staring through thick fog with dreadful determination towards the motionless figure of his brother, the expression in his eyes excruciating to behold. A moment later, he was struggling to get up and out of his chair and Lily spun back around to restrain him.

"Don't be so stupid! You can barely move!" He snarled and pushed her roughly away from him, fighting her hold with iron determination.

"Get off me dammit!!"

"No!"

"My brother is fucking dying, damm you, now let me go!" He gave a huge heave and even in his weakened state, it took all her strength to hold him down.

"For God's sake Potter, you're almost in as bad a way as he is!"

"He's dying, Evans!! Dying you get that?!!"

"Of course I do!!!" The words were shrill and filled with unshed tears, and somehow the agony managed to penetrate James panic-stricken brain. His movements slowed, the fight slowly left him as his burning eyes met her glistening emeralds.

"Do you think this isn't killing me too?! That I don't want to rush over there and fly him right now to St Mungo's and screw Slughorn and this entire test?!! But I can't James! I can't let you get like that. Please!"

She was crouched in front of him, arms wrapped tightly around herself, but still focused enough to check her watch. Five minutes; in thirty seconds she'd have to continue the antidote or she'd risk its utter failure. She'd risk losing him. She had to hope Sirius would be fine until Slughorn finished. She couldn't lose James. He stared her, eyes full of silent agony, when suddenly he spoke.

"Then you go. Go help him."

Lily raised her wet emeralds to his face, stricken and horrified at what he was suggesting.

"Potter, without that antidote…"

"I could die, I know." He was speaking faster now, fear and excitement mingling in his rough tones as the idea grew stronger.

"But I'll have one."

Lily stared at him uncomprehending for a moment before gasping as the sense of his words registered. Her eyes flew towards Snape who was still carefully brewing his own antidote, his eyes cold and empty as he watched the pair. Lily swung back round to James, indignant fury quickening her tones as she whispered furiously.

"No!! Never!! I won't leave you to be poisoned!"

"Evans…"

"NO!!"

"Evans!!!"

"Don't even say it!!!"

"LILY!"

Her breath caught, her eyes focusing on his scorching orbs of gold. He held her gaze, intense enough to frighten, forcing her listen. He glanced up into Snape's pale face before looking back to the trembling redhead, his expression softened slightly, his voice still strong and determined but infinitesimally more gentle as he sought to reassure her.

"I trust Snape." Lily gaped at him in staggered disbelief, before raising her wild eyes towards her old friend. She opened her mouth to speak and unconsciously it was his first name that flew from her lips, a despairing whisper, begging for his help just this once. He met her stricken gaze and something flickered in those black eyes. After an agonising moment he nodded curtly.

"Go."

She stared at him as he turned back to the simmering cauldron, apparently all thoughts of her gone. James' warm grip on her forearm brought her to her senses and after one last look into his beautiful face, she rose in a swift movement and ran to where her darling lay silently over the oak table.

Both boys watched her go, both momentarily dazzled by the flaming head of burnished copper that fluttered out behind her small form as she ran, both sighing in silent wistfulness as they reluctantly returned their gazes to each other.

* * *

The two enemies regarded each other for a single tense moment before Snape turned abruptly back to the pewter cauldron. James watched him in silence, allowing the pain to once more twist his chiselled features now that the redhead was out of sight. As a new wave of agony ran through his body, a gasp escaped, his head lolled and his eyes closed as he lent back in the wooden chair.

Snape didn't spare him even a glance, the potion needed to be stirred precisely thirty-three times; no more, no less. One wrong stir either way and the antidote would be useless. Then James' voice, low and rough from the pain, broke the silence.

"How much…more to go?"

For a moment the pale vampiric boy didn't answer, then his cold contemptuous tones floated smooth and quiet to James' ears.

"Twenty-six more stirs. Seven more ingredients. Three minutes of boiling before the final step; adding the unicorn hair."

James nodded wearily and closed his eyes once more when suddenly Snape spoke again.

"Why this trust Potter?"

James' eyes opened to survey the ebony head above him. He hesitated.

"I guess I'm counting on the fact that I saved your life. Though who knows, that sense of honour might mean nothing to a Slytherin and soon-to-be Deatheater." The words bit slightly, the disgust slipping through his efforts to disguise it, but Snape merely nodded. The silence fell once more, then,

"One…more thing…" James' voice cut off, gasping as the third and final step began, the escalation of the constant throbbing pain. Snape shot him one swift impassive glance and his movement became notably faster. Then he said

"You shouldn't talk. It will sap your strength. » James shook his head, the limp sweaty hair clinging to his drenched brow. The urge to cry out was fiercely repressed and through sheer power of will alone, he forced out the words through gritted teeth

"No…got…to say…something…"

"You are accelerating your own death Potter. »

"I….know it's you."

The silence was suddenly cold as ice. Snape's eyelid twitched but he made no other sign of having heard.

"You're raving Potter."

James met the black gaze directly, swallowing in the effort to continue speaking.

"Each night…from the shadows. Without…fail. You follow."

* * *

Lily's face whitened as she leaned over the boy's seemingly unconscious form, her heart in her mouth, repressed panic in those too-bright emeralds. Please, no! He didn't seem to be breathing. Her heartbeat quickened and she threw out a frantic trembling hand to push him back from the red oak.

It never reached its target. Quicker than the eye could see, the limp brown hand suddenly grasped her pale wrist in a grip of iron and she gasped in shock and then relief. His head turned against the wood and his violet eyes glimmered with the madness of one living through hell, dark as the night sky against his paleness. She met his gaze pleadingly and finally, something flickered in those purple depths. His grip slackened, his eyes creased in recognition and he let out a sigh.

She moved to him once more, slipping her white arm under his broad shoulder and this time, he made no move to stop her. With her help he managed to sit up against the wooden chair. Then he raised his eyes to her anguished face, and impossibly, the beautiful features twisted into a cynical grin.

Lily could only gasp at his effrontery. All of her anxiety was transformed into a furious rage, and quick as lightning she smacked him across the shoulder, on his arm, his chest, harder and harder as she hissed

"YOU!!! You STUPID, IGNORANT, ARROGANT GIT!!!! How DARE you!! Damm you!!! I HATE you!!! Do you hear me, HATE you!!"

He chuckled weakly under the onslaught and the sound sent her over the edge. Every ounce of the fear, the love, the terror she had felt at the sight of his lifeless form was now poured into an anger that was only made worse by the relief of finding him alive. Her eyes flashed with fury and unshed tears of relief as she continued to smack until he reached up and grabbed her wrist once more, mocking affection all over his face.

"Easy, Lils. I may be alive, but I'm not exactly kicking quite yet."

"GOOD!!! DIE!!! You stupid, bigheaded PRAT!!"

She struggled against his grip to resume her attack but he held her fast, raising the other hand with obvious effort to wearily ruffle her hair. She twisted away, glaring at him furiously, but slowly the strugglings subsided. Instead she narrowed her eyes at him.

"You WILL call Slughorn over this MINUTE and ask for the antidote. Do you hear me, Sirius Black?! NOW!!"

He looked at her once more with hazy affection but shook his head. His angel opened her mouth to fiercely protest but he cut her off, saying with difficulty

"No…I'll…do it myself."

"Are you fucking MAD?!!" She made to turn and do what he would not but he pulled her back, his eyes suddenly burning with a determined fire.

"NO!! Lily. I must do this on my…own." He let out a choking half-laugh and winced at the resulting pain, his eyes bitterly self-mocking.

"I'm out of practise. More fool me."

Lily simply stared at him in bewilderment but he continued without explaining.

"Please, Lils. You gotter trust me." She sent him a withering glare but he stared her down, holding her gaze until finally she clenched her jaw and nodded in furious disapproval.

"Fine! Kill yourself! See if I care!"

His face lit up once more in a weak smile and, heedless of her protests, he struggled to his feet.

Sirius breathed long and deep, the muscles in his brown neck taught from effort, his eyes burning with a fire to send chills down Lily's spine, and he reached out and picked up a bottle from the many on the workbench.

He worked, each minute seeming like a year to the small white-faced, white-knuckled redhead who watched in silence. Ingredient after ingredient was dropped into the simmering pink liquid. Two stirs clockwise, nine anticlockwise, clockwise anticlockwise, again and again. A drop of mandrake juice to halt the ripping pain, rosemary and lavender to clear the mind, one single drop of acromantia venom to kill the paralysis that, if left too long, would spread to every cell of the body.

His face grew whiter with each movement, his hands beginning to tremble as Sirius fought the loss of movement in his fingertips, the growing pain as his organs gradually slowed their mechanics. But still he worked, with the same precision, same nonchalance that seemed to deliberately mock the spreading poison. A fierce sneer curled his perfect lips and his violet eyes challenged somebody that Lily could not see. Her darling was caught in an inner battle against his past and there was nothing she could do to help him.

The last ingredient seemed sadistically out of place. Sirius eyes gleamed with dark triumph as his trembling fingers picked up the perfect rose petal, smooth as silk, beautiful as the dawn, the ancient symbol of love that would complete the lifesaving elixir. Lily watched it fall, the deep crimson resting on the surface for a heartbeat before sinking out of sight. The mixture turned blood red.

Lily's eyes were closed in relief, a sigh escaping her lips, when Sirius fell silently to the ground. She cried out in horror and dropped to his side bringing his head round to look at her through his half closed eyes. He smiled weakly up into her face from her lap and whispered

"Now you can help."

A moment later his shaggy head lolled, his body went into tiny convulsions and the delicate lids closed to obscure those stunning mauve eyes. Lily felt her heart tear cleanly in two. Without thinking she grabbed the closest empty vile and thrust it into the scarlet liquid, scooping up as much as she could before lifting his beautiful head and emptying it down his throat.

Nothing happened. Her insides were cold as ice, her green eyes wide and pleading as she scooped up another dose and repeated the gesture, another and another, tears leaking from her eyes and she heard a voice begging him to wake up. Her own.

And then...

The convulsions ceased, his limbs trembled one last time and were still. His eyes opened, and purple met green, soft and smiling and Lily gasped tears of joy. A minute later she was hugging him with every ounce of strength in her body and he smiled and closed his eyes in her arms, stroking her fiery head.

They drew apart and her he wiped her wet cheek saying with all his customary arrogance

"This still counts as me doing it all on my own." Lily chuckled weakly and hit him half-heartedly on his damp black head and he dodged laughingly, his colour and strength returning before her eyes, his grin impudent and triumphant.

Then memory returned and Sirius' eyes widened as one word sprang from his lips

"James."

Lily stared at her friend for a mere instant before moving. Her burnished head spun as she turned to look over at the other side of the room, the furthest workbench away, and her heart froze in her chest.

* * *

Snape became quite still, his left eyelid flickered before returning to the cauldron in front of him. Through the haze of pain James gave a weak half smile, childishly pleased at having disconcerted his archenemy. The white hand continued stirring, the circular movements hypnotic in James' semi-conscious state, but he managed to pull himself together enough to continue.

"You still…love her…don't you Snape." Still no answer, only a tiny twitch in the pale cheek as a jaw was tightly clenched. James eyed his enemy through hazy bloodshot eyes, and smiled slightly as he took the silence as an affirmative answer.

"That's why you…follow her…every night. Why you creep behind us…during patrols. To be close…to her."

Still no answer, but the flash of agony in those coal black eyes couldn't be completely hidden. James closed his own hazel orbs, dull and lifeless from the white-hot needles. His voice caught as he spoke, low and rough and painful.

"It hurts doesn't it. Loving someone you're supposed to hate. Wanting her regardless… It's worse than all the fires of hell."

"You have no idea what you're talking about Potter." The words shook with suppressed fury and Snape's eyes flashed in the candlelight. They seemed to bring James out of his thoughts, he turned his head back towards his enemy.

"You'd be surprised." The half-laugh was strangely bitter and self-mocking, but the resentful tone seemed to send Snape over the edge. His greasy head spun round, eyes burning with a fanatic's fire, loathing and fury and jealousy mingling in those black depths.

"You pathetic piece of shit Potter. Moaning, winging, and blaming the world. You had her Potter, and you threw her away. And now you sit there bewailing your fate. You deserve that I let you die."

"Then do it."

A heartbeat of disbelieving silence. James' burning eyes locked with Snape's, the sneer held in place through sheer willpower alone.

"Go on. You said so yourself, I deserve it, for the…the hell I put you through…all those years."

The poison was in its final stages, breathing was agony. There were only minutes left and James knew that he was too weak to even call for assistance. It was too late. There was no going back now.

They held each other's gaze, in that moment, a moment that, little did they know it, would define the future of the wizarding world. A moment when something, be it cowardice or bravery, made Severus Snape disobey the orders of his own vengeful heart, of his fellow Slytherins, of his Leader. He turned back to the bubbling cauldron and muttered a few words over the fire, reducing it to glowing red-hot coals. His white hand shot out and picked up the long glimmering strand, pure white and yet somehow all the colours of the rainbow, the world's beauty dancing between his bony fingers. This was it, the final ingredient, Snape's final step to saving his enemy's life.

"I knew it."

The cold unexpected tones made both black heads turn in surprise towards the newcomer, one twisted in obvious loathing, the other suddenly frozen into blankness.

Avery curled his lip at the unicorn hair glistening in Snape's hand, his dark eyes glinting in disgusted yet met expectation.

"I knew you were weak. I told them you wouldn't have the guts to kill him. And I was right yet again Severus, wasn't I? Here you are, about to save the blood traitor's life."

Snape said nothing, his eyes meeting Avery's coldly and without expression. Avery' mouth twisted into a vicious smile, his eyes suddenly gleaming with triumph as his hand moved faster than the eye could see.

James watched the single drop of dragon's blood fall as though in slow motion, mouth opening in echo of Snape's silent "NO!"

The sparkling ruby it the surface of the liquid and erupted, spraying up the edges of the cauldron and all three boys ducked away from the fizzing acid. The antidote turned green and thick as cement, and as Avery slipped away, laughing in evil triumph, both boys could only stare helplessly at the ruined mixture.

James was shaking from the escalating agony, Snape looked into his eyes completely lost, not knowing what to do. The school idol met his gaze, for once empty of contempt or hatred, he summoned a weak pathetic smile of reassurance; a lie.

"JAMES!! PROFESSOR!! PLEASE! COME QUICK!"

Both head's turned, the discheveled one with obvious difficulty, to look into the girl's agonised face. Lily sunk to his side, her hands shaking her face white and she turned to the cauldron. She froze, gasping with horror as the sight of the ruined mixture sunk in. Worthless; he was going to die. An overwhelming fury burst forth as she spun round, tears in her blazing eyes towards Snape's frozen figure, words falling as freely as the tears as she spat at him,

"How could you?!!! I trusted you!! You murderer!!"

" No!" The whisper made Lily spin on her heels to glue her eyes back to James' face.

"It…wasn't him. Snape made the mixture…perfectly. Avery. Not Snape."

Lily stared into his face, as it convulsed in silent screams. Slughorn suddenly appeared over her shoulder, his face white with panic. She stared up at him wildly, searching for the antidote in his hand. The little man forced the mixture down James throat and stepped back, his piggy eyes waiting anxiously for the effects to happen. Nothing. Slughorn could only gape, flustering as he babbled

"It's not possible, I brewed it myself only this morning!! No!! There must be…how?!!"

But Lily was no longer listening. Her eyes met with Avery's, they danced at her in glowing triumph and he clapped Mulciber on the back and threw her a wink. Lily felt the bile rise in her throat as it came clear. How they'd replaced the mixture, then ruined Snape's antidote. Her own was nowhere near completion. They had nothing. All her backups had been foiled. She was going to lose him. The hospital wing was too far. The nurse couldn't help her. Lily felt his eyes on her face, watching as the realisation sank in that there was nothing she could do.

She turned back to him. The sparkling tears were pouring down her face, her white hand was trembling against his cheek, the other grasping his tight enough to break the bones. Neither watched Snape disappear. Lily vaguely felt Sirius, Emily and the others nearby, all gazing in frozen terror, but for the pair, there was only each other.

He lifted his own brown hand, wincing at the resulting fire, but he managed to reach her face to brush away the diamonds. She stared back at him, eyes begging and pleading, new tears replacing the ones he'd wiped away. Both ignored the world around them, Slughorn's incoherent whimpers, the class's silence. Nothing mattered, not now, not when there was so little time remaining.

They stayed like that, soft flickering hazel drinking in her face, her eyes, her lips, as though wanting to memorise the sight. Her mouth was open but the words wouldn't come. All she could do was scream silently for someone to help, to one to save him, please, anyone. He wrenched up some pathetic mockery of his heartbreaking smile, his eyes soft and glowing as he feasted them on her delicate features, his fingers tracing the lines with love. Then he winced and the brown lids closed as the poison overcame even his great strength and willpower and he slipped silently into a coma.

Lily cried out a single broken word as his hand fell from her skin, his breathing quickened and she felt the poison throbbing in his pulse in triumph.

"No…"

It couldn't be happening, not James, not now. Not now that she knew so surely that she loved him. Not when maybe, just maybe he was beginning to love her too.

Suddenly he was wrenched from her grasp and she started, her hand automatically reaching out to pull him back when she realised it was Severus, Severus pulling her love's torso upright, wrenching up his beautiful head and forcing open his clenched jaw. The tiny stone was visible for barely a minute before the Slytherin thrust it between James' lips, holding up his chin to ease the passage, blocking the nostrils to force the dying boy to swallow. Lily could only stare through the tears as her old friend massaged the brown skin of James' neck, forcing it down little by little.

He let the boy fall back against the chair, his white hand on James' wrist, black eyes fierce as he waited for something to happen. Lily wasn't sure what. Nothing seemed to make sense. He was dying. James was dying. He'd never know that it wasn't true. That she'd lied to hurt him. How much she regretted it. How much he'd torn her heart to pieces that night. How much she loved him still.

"Cough…Cough…HAAAAAAAHH…"

It wasn't possible. It couldn't be.

Lily's head shot up and there, lying back against the wooden chair, was James, coughing and choking. He heaved a huge breath, his entire form shaking with the effort before, miraculously, the boy leaned back in the chair with a sigh. Thick black hair gleamed in the candlelight as his glorious head turned towards her.

His eyes opened, glowing orbs of gold, that dammed cocky smile lifting his lips as he grinned at her with all his stupid impudence. She couldn't speak, fearing it was some dream, he couldn't be alive, couldn't be smirking at her so arrogantly and yet so affectionately. It couldn't be true. Oh Merlin please let it be. And then his lips parted, his face brimming with stupid childish mischief and his eyes gleaming as he said hoarsely

"Had you worried Red."

She gasped in pure stunned relief, colour rushing to her cheeks as she moved towards him. His arms moved apart, she was inches away from them, when suddenly Slughorn bustled past.

"MY BOY!!! Mr Potter!! Thank the Lord!! And Mister Snape!!! Such genius my boy!! A bezoar!! You wonderful wonderful boy!!!"

Lily halted mid-stride, her face flushing with sudden embarrassment as reality flooded back and she realised where they were. Her eyes moved to Snape and watched hazily as her old friend faintly flushed and scuttled into the background, but James' eyes sought him out to hold his gaze. Lily glanced back and forth between the two enemies and then held her breath as James quietly spoke.

"Thank you."

There was a pause before Snape nodded curtly and then glared back into James' face.

"A life for a life. Don't ever expect it again Potter." The words were cold and filled with hate but James nodded back unsurprised, contrary to Lily, who's green eyes darted back and forth between the pair with incomprehension.

The bell rang and everybody jumped. With all the drama the double period had swept passed like seconds. The nightmare was over. The remaining groups had either successfully prepared their antidotes or had been given the potion prepared by Slughorn. Everybody had survived Lily realised with relief as she met Remus', Peter's, Emily's, Alice's and Sirius' eyes. They were all shaken, all pale but were all standing and most importantly alive.

The class was subdued as everybody returned to their seats. Nobody spoke, what had happened had been too real, too frightening to discus just yet. One by one they filtered out, until finally only Sirius remained at Lily's shoulder as they both stared down at the messy haired boy who was gradually regaining colour. He glanced between the pair who were now looking anywhere but at each other. Lily's cheeks were dark pink and Sirius' expert eye could even pick two spots of colour tingeing his brothers cheekbones. Time to leave.

He grasped James' shoulder briefly. The two boy's eyes met and something passed between them that even Lily couldn't pick up on, a scorching look that somehow made her feel a twinge of jealousy for their friendship, the iron bond that would tie the pair together for all eternity. Something stronger than blood. Then Sirius spun on his heel and walked out, throwing only an unusually gentle backward smile towards his angel. Apart from the flustered Professor, the pair were alone.

"We ought to be moving, the next potions class starts in roughly three minutes."

Lily's eyes seemed t come into focus. She jumped up, face taught with new determination and cleared away their things with a sweep of her wand. She levitated them behind her before turning to James.

The copper head bent forward and James started as she wrapped a pale arm around his chest and helped him to his feet. They walked to the door and away, the two bags bobbing behind them, each step getting easier as James felt his strength gradually returning. For five minutes neither one spoke, then James frowned and said suddenly.

"This isn't the way to the Great Hall. Where are you going."

"To the Hospital Wing, you prat. Where do you think?"

"The Hospital Wing? What the…"

He pulled back for her to stop and she glared up at him with obvious impatience.

"What?!" she demanded

He returned the scowl, his jaw setting mulishly.

"I'm not going to the Hospital Wing." Lily stared up at him in disbelief.

"You can't be serious!"

"I'm not going."

"WHY?!!"

"Because I'm completely fine, that's why."

Lily shook her head, eyes wide and incredulous.

"You can barely walk…"

"I'll be fine!" He pulled away from her, and a look of hurt flashed in her green eyes. Instantly he regretted the outburst and moved back towards her.

"Evans."

She didn't look up, her gaze was fixed on the floor to hide the angry tears that his sharp ill humour had brought to her eyes. He took another step and staggered slightly. The bezoar had done the job but it still wasn't anywhere near as quick or efficient as the antidote would have been. The after-effects of the potion were still strong; his head swam, his vision hazy and he would have fallen had her white arm not slipped under his to hold him up.

He looked down into her worried face and sighed, holding her gaze as he begged her to understand

"Please, Red. Just help me get to the Common Room so I can rest. If I go to the nurse she'll try to keep me overnight and Quidditch Practise is this evening. I won't miss it."

Lily glared up at him in exasperation, but his eyes were unfairly glowing and beautiful and before she knew it she had half-heartedly agreed.

His face lit up, and her breath caught. She turned away and continued moving, ignoring his sudden look of rejection. They advanced in silence, slowly and carefully and so it was a full fifteen minutes before the portrait of the Man with the Mirror came into view.

To James' annoyance just the walk alone had exhausted him and it was Lily who spoke the password, ignoring the little man's look of curiosity and leading James to the red sofa. The soft leather was a blessing and he leaned back eyes closed for a moment, to enjoy the blissful relief from his aching muscles. But she was inches away from him, and he couldn't keep his eyes or mind off her for long. James opened his eyes and boy and girl locked gazes in silence.

* * *

Already his colour had returned, his eyes were bright and sharp and glowing, and she felt her cheeks flush under the intensity of the look he was giving her. Just thinking how close she'd been to confessing everything she felt for him, had felt for over a year, in front of her entire potions class, it made her cringe in horror. The sight of him hovering on the very brink of death had brought on a fit of madness. Thank God Slughorn had interrupted when he had. She could only imagine the humiliation as he laughed in her face, his eyes darkening with mocking irony, the words of vicious rejection being sneered from his beautiful lips. Lily shuddered inwardly. Thank Merlin for Slughorn.

She could feel his gaze scorching her face still, unwavering and unyielding. Reluctantly she raised her eyes to meet his, dreading the inescapable mingling of love and lust that, right on queue, welled up inside her entire body.

He was lying lengthwise along the sofa, head against the scarlet armrest, his black locks falling into those glowing eyes as he regarded her unblinking. She felt her poor heart stutter and valiantly continue in its efforts to keep to its usual beat, but it was a vain hope. Her breath was already quickening, her hands beginning to tingle as they always did when the urge to reach out and touch him became almost unbearable. God, if he only knew what he did to her.

She could feel her crouched knees turning to jelly, and more in search of distraction than anything else, she glanced blindly around at anything that would help her pull herself together. A glistening bead of sweat caught her eye, rolling down the side of his face towards the crook of his neck. Then another. He was covered in the sticky clamminess. The fever. Lily rose to her feet, glad to have found something she could reasonably do.

The movement made James lift his head, worry making the words come out sharper than he'd meant

"Where are you going?!"

Lily turned back to him, slightly puzzled at the intensity in his voice.

"I was going to get you some fresh clothes. You'll catch a chill if you sit around in all that sweat. Or maybe you ought to take a shower first," she bit her lip, debating with herself when James spoke

"No, just the clothes, we haven't got time for a shower » he frowned suddenly remembering something

"But Red, you won't…"

"Will you stop calling me that!!"

James looked up startled. Lily eyes were flashing with a mixture of hurt and anger, hand resting lightly on the brass door-handle to his room.

"My name is LILY, damm it! It's not that difficult." The words were snapped and she wrenched the door open with obvious sharpness, but James barely noticed. How had she…?

A minute later she was back her anger forgotten as, blushing slightly, she held out a fresh white shirt, black trousers and clean socks but James took them from her with a only distracted air. Instead he grasped her wrist, frowning up at her and demanded

"How did you do that?! How did you get in?"

Lily stared at him blankly and he snarled in frustration, pushing himself to his feet ignoring her protests. James staggered over to the other door, the one with Lily Evans etched in elegant script into the oak. He turned back to the puzzled redhead and put his hand on the doorknob.

"Watch."

He twisted the knob and pushed forward. Nothing happened. James turned back to the redhead his eyebrows lifted pointedly.

"That's twice I've tried now, and twice I haven't been able too. You on the other hand don't seem to have any problem whatsoever."

Lily stood up frowning at him and walked over to his bedroom door. Her white finger's wrapped round the round golden ball and she echoed his movement, expecting the door to smoothly open as before but to her surprise it resisted her efforts. She tried again, harder this time before swinging round to glare at him.

"What did you do?!"

James' mouth fell open, and he glared at her in disbelief.

"I didn't DO anything you idiot!"

"Then WHY isn't it opening?!"

"See, I told you so."

Lily stamped her foot in temper, and James paused suddenly, all thoughts of their bickering forgotten, fascinated by the movement. Her cheeks were flushed, her eyes sparkling and her lips pouted in frustration. She looked completely and utterly adorable.

The sudden realisation made him pulse quicken uncomfortably, his tongue slipped out to wet his lips. Lily felt the instant change in atmosphere and her cheeks flushed noticeably darker. His eyes widened as she drew her bottom lip into her mouth and chewed on it, sending waves of desire suddenly pounding through James' body. Finally she spoke, her voice low and self-conscious.

"You should put those on before you catch cold."

He nodded, never taking his eyes of her and Lily felt a shiver drift up her spine. The feverous look had returned to his eyes, they glowed with a lust to match her own deepening desire, and unconsciously she took a step towards him. He kept his eyes locked on hers before suddenly his face broke into a wicked grin. She frowned in confusion when the sight of his hands moving towards his top button made her eyes widen in dismay. Half of her screamed to run, but the other, greater half simply stood transfixed as his graceful fingers peeled away the white cotton to reveal the glorious torso beneath.

Lily felt a moan of pure need catch in her throat as her green eyes feasted on the golden skin, pulled taught over strong rippling lairs of muscle. His six-pack was more defined than she remembered which didn't quite seem possible and his shoulders had broadened impossibly in the year since she'd last melted in front of his naked body.

A chuckle escaped his lips and the sound brought her eyes darting back to his face. The hazel orbs were glinting with mischief, his trademark smirk curving his mouth as he trapped her instantly in his predatory gaze. Her skin was tingling, her breaths coming short and fast as her mind remembered those muscles and those crevices and itched to retrace them once more. He moved deliberately closer, his body-heat coming off him in waves, those glinting eyes taunting and tempting all at once. He was irresistible and by God he knew it.

All at once it was too much and she slipped away from him towards the portrait hole, muttering an incoherent jumble of words including "Emily" and "Lunch"

His brown hand reached out and grasped her wrist, forceful and demanding, and in spite of herself, she raised her agonised eyes to his face.

He was looking down at her, eyes smouldering with a new fire, glowing like red-hot nuggets of pure gold and uncontrollably she shivered.

"Stay with me."

The words were low and shook with intensity, she couldn't have disobeyed even had she wanted to. Spellbound Lily allowed him to pull her back, towards his body until she was close enough for him to feel her light breaths against his bare skin.

Time seemed to stand still as his hand crept up her arm, over her shoulder to caress the white skin of her neck. His eyes stayed locked with hers, all laughter and mockery vanished to leave only a look of such furious longing that Lily felt her knees all but give way. The warmth of his fingers moved from her neck to her cheek, gently stroking her cheekbone with unbearable tenderness. Unthinkably she blurted out the words she'd fought back ever since he'd taken that poison, her eyes welling up with overwhelming the relief she'd been repressing.

"You could have died. You almost did..." His eyes glowed darker and he answered low and husky but gentle in his efforts to reassure her.

"But I didn't. I'm right here." He smiled down at her, following the path of the single sparkling tear that had escaped one from one of those dazzling emeralds and then grinned saying

"Next time I'll get rid of myself for you Red, I promise. No need for these tears of disappointment."

She gasped indignantly, and he laughed affectionately at the adorable look of outrage on her face. She looked so beautiful, so desirable that James couldn't help but swallow in sudden yearning.

His thumb inched towards her lips and they parted pink and tantalising. His other hand came up to caress her slim waist and she felt her head spin. His presence, the smell of his damp, gloriously bare skin close enough to touch, it was beyond intoxicating. She felt him pull her closer, his eyes still locked with hers, his fingers dancing back from her cheek to wrap a strand of copper hair behind her ear, gentle and cruelly slow and tender. She forced back the sensations with an effort and fought to keep her eyes from closing to the lull of his hand. The green emeralds sparkled hazily up at him as she said with an effort

"Not Red. Lily."

For a moment his eyes turned black, her face whitened, panic overcoming her as she thought he was about to pull away. He hesitated, fighting an internal struggle, his fingers frozen on her skin as she waited for the outcome. Then

"Fine. Lily."

She stared up at him, her surprise and pleasure written all over her face as her eyes smiled shyly into his. His face was expressionless for the briefest of moments but before the dark look in his eyes could wipe the excitement from her face, he was already smirking back. She relaxed, looking up into his glorious features, a slight blush tingling her cheeks. She looked unbearable gorgeous, open and deliciously tempting and he leaned his face towards hers, finally giving into the repressed desire.

His soft pink lips were inching towards hers, and Lily closed her eyes automatically, wanting him, needing him so unbearably badly…

Tap Tap. Tap Tap.

Girl and boy spun around at the unexpected sound and instinctively James pushed himself in front of the small redhead, eyes narrowed as they darted round the room searching for the cause.

Tap Tap. Tap Tap.

Again. Louder this time with obvious impatience. Then James caught the movement outside the huge bay window. He moved quickly across the room and opened the glass in one deft movement before standing swiftly back to allow two owls to soar relieved into the round room.

Lily's eye's lit up in pleasure as her beloved Kester circled the ceiling, narrowly avoiding the heavy beams and swooped to land on her outstretched arm. His soft russet feathers were ruffled, he eyed her with obvious indignation and she smiled lovingly at his haughty expression. They had obviously been outside the window for some minutes whilst she and James were…otherwise occupied. It took a little coaxing and some well-placed scratching to persuade the owl to extend his leg so Lily could untie the attached letter but eventually Kester relented, nibbling her ear lightly to show she was forgiven.

The envelope was heavy in her hand, the parchment of unusually fine quality and Lily's eyes widened as memory returned in a flash. The letter was swiftly pulled open, the smile of delight spreading over her face as Moniqua's short, sharp answering script leapt out from the yellow vellum. But as the words sunk in, her delicate face fell, as more and more worry clouded the bright emeralds. Lily stared at the parting farewell and bit her lip, before finally summoning the courage to look into James' face. Sure enough, the sight that met her eyes made her wince.

* * *

James stared in surprise as his family owl soared into the room to land with majestic grace on the back of a chair, before the look in the owl's eyes made him instinctively begin to sweat.

Moriarty was a sight to behold; that at least nobody could deny. The eagle owl stood at an imposing two foot tall, a perfect specimen, with feathers of a eerily complete and shimmering black. He had to be ancient by now, James thought sourly, eyeing the bird with blatant dislike; it had been making his life misery since before he could remember.

Moriarty had been found and raised by Henry Potter from the egg. As such their bond went deeper than any James had ever seen between master and servant. They were companions, equals in Henry's eyes. The eagle owl had accepted MJ with tolerance, but the young James had soon learned that in the family pecking order, Moriarty was about fifty rungs above the family son and heir.

The round golden eyes glared back and him, the contempt undisguised as he stared at his youngest master. James flushed and swore at the wretched bird inwardly, memories of vicious pecks and glares of deepest distain recieved every time his younger self had tried to befriend the "family pet". The name suited him, James glowered, deliberately ignoring the fact that his own first name came from the appropriatly evil thing's namesake. Damn his Dad and his stupid interest in muggle psychopathic genius'

James folded his brown muscular arms in with all his childhood impatience and said grumpily

"Well come on, give it over." The pitying superiority in the birds gaze made James grit his teeth, and as like so many times before, he had to force out his least favourite word in the world.

"Please….May I have the letter...Moriarty."

The majestic figure eyed him haughtily before, with insulting slowness, he raised his very sharp, very dangerous talon. James stalked forward and removed it still scowling.

"One I'll day I'll have you stuffed, I swear."

The muttered words were barely out of his mouth when vicious pain tore through his hand and James yowled as blood spurted from the three long scratches. He swore and glared at the owl who was now preening its feathers, without paying the slightest bit of attention to the cursing boy.

"You…evil, little…ARGH!!!" James stormed around to the other side of the table and ripped open the letter that was addressed to him in his mother's handwriting. Moriarty raised his head, hooted disdainfully and then returned to smooth his slightly ruffled feathers after the long flight. James snarled at him and unfolded the letter with painful difficulty.

* * *

_Dear James_

_I hope both you and Sirius are well, Remus and Peter too. I also want to congratulate you on the maturity you have continued to show since the beginning of term. Albus says you have been performing your head duties responsibly and conscientiously, to the point of working remarkably well with Lily. I am, to put it briefly, proud of you beyond measure, so much so that I can even bear to hear Dumbledore's « I told you so » with equanimity._

_Unfortunately, as you have probably guessed, this letter is not simply a note reminding both my boys of how much I love and miss them. I'm leaving tomorrow on a new assignment, and I could be gone a while. This is therefore also an « adieu » , « a see you soon » , I hope. You know by now that this means no contact for some weeks with the outside world, so I would like to take the opportunity to ask a few favours of you my son, important things while I'm gone._

_First, do write to your father, from time to time. I know how much you hate Moriarty but Henry misses you more than perhaps he shows. Remind him that eating and sleeping from time to time would be helpful, and of course do make sure that house-elves are given their instructions for the preparation for the ball. I hope to have returned by then to do it myself, but just in case, you know how much these things bore your father. Stupid lazy man._

_Which brings me to my second request. I was, well, relieved to hear that your relations with Lily seemed to have improved so noticeably. She wrote to tell me of her making the Gryffindor team, James, I will admit that I doubted you for a second. Can you in honesty blame me? After the way you tore the girls heart to shreds last year and then preceded to torment her in a manner that still makes me want to hex you to Australia. Nevertheless your behaviour this year has been such that I am encouraged to hope that you have matured from that vile, cruel person. Which is why I am going to ask for your help on Lily's behalf. As you know full well, the Ministry Ball is horribly formal and old-fashioned, and dancing will be a necessity. I need you to teach Lily how to ballroom-dance. You will I am sure, be ranting and raving about the unfairness, my despicability, ect… to everybody present when this letter reaches you but on this I will not budge James. You are one of the best dancers among the pure-blood youth of today, and, muggle-born as she is, Lily must be above reproach. Please James, if not for Lily in some kind of apology, at least for my sake. I am counting on you, mon fils._

_Apart ça, il ne me reste qu'à dire que je t'aime James, ne l'oublie jamais. Je t'aime plus que tout au monde._

_A bientot j'espere_

_Maman_

* * *

James' finger curled into furious fists as the words of reproach bit deep. It still stung badly. Having to lie to his own mother, having her believe those stories just to protect the damn redhead. His hazel eyes were dark and blazing above his gritted teeth, all of the love and affection he'd felt moments ago, shrivelled to a crisp as his pride throbbed from the mere memory of the verbal whiplashing his mother had dealt him. All for her, her and her lying tongue. And now he had to help her. Teaching her to dance. James snarled inwardly and glared fiercely towards the bitch who had wrapped his mother round her little finger.

She was looked up at him, wide-eyed and nervous, obvious from the way she was chewing on that damned lower lip. From her expression he guessed rightly that MJ had written to inform her of the intended lessons as well as expressing her congratulations and praises for making the team. She didn't look happy though, far from it, he realised.

James' gaze softened marginally as he registered the anguished apology in those worried emeralds. She was waiting for him to say something, something to reassure her, but he just…couldn't. What was there to say? He couldn't refuse dammit. He had a gun to his head. If he said no, she would write to his Dad and let the cat out of the bag. The feeling of being backed into a corner tasted bitter in James mouth. Ever a free-spirit, he hated being trapped like this, loathed the cage she and his mother had locked him into.

It was too frustrating and to hide the fiery rage in his belly, he withdrew behind his mask of indifference. He simply looked at her, cold and blank, and devoid of any emotion. He didn't want to shout and scream and say something he might regret. He cared about her, for Merlin's sake. Even with the anger still gnawing in his chest, the reluctance to see her hurt was still stronger. But right now, he was too close to the edge. He needed to leave before the mixture of hurt and anger overwhelmed his self-control, before she said something stupi…

"You don't have to. I'm sure Sirius would teach me James, really, I understand that you don't…"

Lily trailed of, blanching at the sudden blazing anger in his eyes as he thought of Sirius being the one to teach, Sirius holding her in his arms, lacing his fingers through hers, circling her waist. The rage burst through, the single spark of jealously enough to ignite the flame he desperately been trying to repress.

"You'd like that wouldn't you!! Of COURSE, it has to be your precious Sirius. Why didn't I think about that? Here's me about to say sure I'll teach but, you know what you're right, I doubt I could do it half as well as SIRIUS!" He spat the words at her, filling them with all the loathing and contempt he could muster. She gaped, stunned by the onslaught, stammering as she tried to get through to him.

"James, I…don't be ridiculous, of course I'd prefer it to be you..." The look in his eyes turned ugly, his lips curling in undisguised disgust and she flinched away from the icily contemptuous sneer

"Give it a rest Evans. As soon as I say no you'll be in your room writing another little letter to by Mum, crying out your eyes about how I refused to even help you. After all that's what you do best, right Evans, go running to tell on me to MUMMY."

Lily's eyes sparkled in growing anger and indignation.

"I would NEVER do something like that."

« Oh please, you'd just love it. Making me lose everything in one tearful letter, my position as Head Boy, my place at this school, oh and lets not forget my inheritance too. Well NO Evans, like it or not, you'll have to put up with me as your teacher and not your DARLING Sirius, and I'm sorry to disappoint. I guess you'll just have to close your eyes and use your imagination."

He finished, breaths coming heavy and fast, eyes sparkling in jealous fury, not completely concealed by his mask of arrogance. Lily stared at him, mouth open in stunned anger as the words sank in.

"You're...jealous!!" She gasped.

There was a silence and if looks could kill Lily would have been dead on the wooden floor. James' face was murderous, his whole body shaking with fury, his hands balled into fists that seemed to be inches away from crashing into her jaw.

"I…am…not…jealous."

« You are, look at you , you filthy hypocrite."

His self-control was gradually taking over, he managed to force some nonchalance into his contemptuous drawl as he sneered at her.

"In your dreams Evans."

But his eyes were flickering, she was winning this battle and she knew it. Lily sensed her advantage and seized upon it, propelled forward by her anger.

"How DARE you, James Henry Potter!!! How dare you even think about being jealous that I might prefer Sirius to you when at this very moment you've got at least THREE different sluts on the go?!!! You're still just a bloody hypocrite, James, you always were. The great James Potter can do what ever he likes but everyone else has to be some kind of saint!!"

"I…you're fucking mad Evans."

They glowered at each other, each now in a right royal rage, chest heaving, eyes blazing, pure loathing etched into every feature.

"You know what?!! Maybe I will find Sirius and ask him to teach me!! Anyone would be better than some spoilt brat who has a massive tantrums when he THINKS he not getting his own way!!!"

"FINE, DANCE with Sirius for all I care!!! Why should I give a FUCKING DAMM?!!!!"

"FINE!!!"

"FINE!!!!"

Two doors slammed in deafening unison, and two bodies were flung onto two matching four posters. Lily grabbed her pillow and screamed into the softness with all her might when suddenly James voice bellowed from the other room.

"AND DON'T YOU DARE BE LATE FOR PRACTISE!!!!!"

* * *

**OK!!! It's done lol. Whew, that was such a long chapter to write I mean lol, but hopefully it was worth it. This turned out to be part two of three finally because in my original plan, chapter 16 also includes the Quidditch Practise and the final flashback from Lily's POV. BUT as you can see, it was just too long and so this seemed like the only possible point to take a breather lol. In other words, part three will be chapter 17, and all my plans are getting out of place lol, so this fic is getting longer by the minute. But oh well. I have an inkling you guys won't be complaining ;)**

**Luv ya loads and as always **

**R&R!!!!!!!!!!! you know you want to ;)**

**Lili**


	17. Chapter 17

**Hi there everybody!! Ok I know I'm a day late when technically I have no right nor reason to be lol, but the truth is I had quite a lot of difficulty getting into the mindset for this chapter, for the simple reason that I made the mistake of going to watch the new Twilight film, New Moon, Sunday evening. Anyone of the female gender who has seen the movie will probably understand when I say, my thoughts were way too focused on a very wet, very very mouth-watering Jacob Black, rather than on this story. I apologise wholeheartedly, but defy any normal teenage female to NOT be distracted from her other obligations by such a sight. ;) As for any guys out there, trust me, the power of female hormones is an overwhelming force of nature not to be denied. ^^ (I'm still drooling as I'm writing this sigh.)**

**Right, enough of my perverted fantasies and back to the story in hand lol. This is part three of three and the final piece of Lily's side of the story, though do please remember when I say « Lily's » it is for a reason. The first bit of this chapter is one of my favourites, however it isn't actually J/L action. I will say no more but am eagerly waiting to see if you agree with me or not.**

**One final thing to say is actually rather embarrassing lol. I think I mentioned in my profile that I like to draw, well a friend of mine who follows this story finally persuaded me to post some of my sketches of the character's from « All Over Again » on a very new, for the moment very bare blog. Obviously, there is no obligation whatsoever to take a look. Most of you will probably have an image in your mind by now of James, Lily, etc… and therefore might be rather under whelmed by my poor efforts lol. However if it does interest you, these are the characters as I imagined them. Some of the sketches are quite old, others are newer and a couple have even been taken into paint and stripped back into a more polished outline. I do however promise that every fan-art put up on the sight is my own and « authentic » lol. The only downside is that my scanner is playing up so for the moment there are only two articles. ****J It will increase, I swear.^^**

**if you fancy taking a peak check out my profile page. The link's wrtten their in blue lol Please do, enjoy and if you love me enough feel free to even leave a com lol. ^^**

**That's all for now so please, read and enjoy and of course review (please please lol)**

**Luv everybody lots and lots**

**Lili  
**

* * *

All Over Again: Chapter 17

Knockturn Alley at midnight. Not the nicest place to be, even for the Ministry's top field auror. True to its name, the dark winding streets were home to even darker creatures that only ventured into the open once the safety of night had fallen, crawling out of the gutter to mingle and spread their evil. Hags leered from street corners, predatory eyes followed anybody who looked reasonably wholesome. The only light was grudgingly thrown from the odd candlelit window and the figures that slipped along the silent alleyways seemed to avoid them like the plague, cringing away from glow like a devils snare. The hardest was fighting the overpowering urge to turn her head and glance warily behind her, but even such a small action could be fatal. The slightest hint of vulnerability and the unpleasant creeping characters that roamed the darkness, would be on her like wolves.

Her target suddenly paused, and lifted an arm, presumably to check their watch. She halted just as abruptly, quickly lounging back towards the grimy stonewall, drawing the hood of her black cape a little lower over her face so that only the watchful pair of coal black eyes were visible from beneath the black folds. Up ahead, the figure glanced about and then carried on walking, their steps faster this time; the rickety sign of the Cackling Crook, swung back and forth, creaking eerily on rusty hinges in welcome.

She watched as the figure slipped inside, and paused a moment to consider her next course of action. Should she slip to the window, lounge outside the dirty pane and hope to catch a glimpse of the intended meeting, or should she do the reckless thing. Entering the famously shady pub would be likely suicide, but the results to be had were enough to make her wet her lips in anticipation. She sighed ruefully. He would kill her for this.

She stepped out of the shadows to face the heavy oak door, forcing cold arrogance into both her stride and manner. Only confidence could possibly allow her to pull this off. She squared her shoulders and pushed entered the pub.

Inside, the room glowed orange and the sudden brightness made her blink. Tables in dark wood littered the small room, with matching chairs and booths furbished with worn blood red cushions. A greasy blond haired little man leered at her from over the bar, exposing his missing teeth and flickering tongue. She hid the revulsion and made her way silently towards him, ignoring the brief glances from the other customers, who returned back uninterested to their previous activities.

"One fire whiskey."

The blond man rubbed his hands together greedily, peering into her face with wide hungry eyes as he tried to pick out her features from under the black hood.

"Of course, of course… Will there be anything else?"

"That will be all."

"As you wish, please, do sit." He nodded and smiled another twisted smile, and turned to the huge barrels that lined the back of the bar. She strode away to a seat near the door, a small smirk of triumph tugging the corner of her mouth as she glanced at the nearest table.

There were nine of them, she crowed inwardly. They'd hoped maybe three, four if they were lucky, but nine? Her informant had done her well; stalking Bellatrix Black had paid off beyond their wildest dreams.

The girl was sitting with her back to her. She'd thrown back the heavy cape, her thick black mane knotting down her back and she was talking low and swiftly to the other occupants at the table, all of whom were men of roughly her age. The smile grew. Crabbe, Goyle, the young Malfoy boy and of course Lestrange, all were facing her way, their features easily recognisable in the candlelight. The other's she didn't know and two were seated either side of Bellatrix, their hidden. She would have to wait to find out their names.

"Your fire whiskey, madam." She didn't even glance at the ingratiating little man. Kenny Crook was well known for ignoring the often very dubious dealings off his customers in return for healthy « tips » as he called them. Murderers, rapists, vampires and even Deatheaters, all were welcome if they had the magic metal. She hid a sneer of loathing. Both the pub and its owner were aptly named, and she would have given a thousand galleons to be able to heave him off to Azkaban and leave him there for a decade or two.

The handful of gold coins thrown coldly down onto the dirty table made the pale eyes gleam, and he snatched them up with groping, grasping fingers quicker than the eye could see. His wet mouth spread impossibly wide and he bowed low before pattering back to his bar.

Moniqua leaned back against the booth, taking a sip of the steaming liquid, settling herself in readiness for a waiting game. Only when she had each and every name would she thankfully escape the dark clamminess and the mutterings of the dark place. He would skin her alive if she brought back nothing for this ridiculously dangerous tactic. She was breaking her promise yet again.

Moniqua took another sip before placing the tankard in front of her, smiling sadly as she thought of his face when he'd told her.

* * *

_Flashback:_

_"This is to be a reconnaissance mission only, do you understand me?"_

_"Yes sir."_

_"On no account are you to engage in combat with any of the suspects except in case of extreme necessity. I mean that, neither you nor your squad are in anyway permitted to launch into an offensive attack, no matter what the circumstances may be. I take it your squad is ready to leave?"_

_Her head lifted at that to look him directly in the eye before speaking._

_"With all due respect sir, I must refuse the order of allowing the squad to accompany me."_

_The dark hazel's eyes narrowed and his soft compelling tones bit all the deeper for their deceivingly gentleness._

_"Don't…be…ridiculous."_

_"An entire squad numbers ten people. Ten people for a spy mission. It simply isn't doable."_

_MJ turned away from him to appeal directly to the tall stern-faced woman standing silently at his side. Amelia Bones' features were grave and lined prematurely with visible signs of past suffering, the once pretty face was now cold and harsh as that of a general. The Deputy Head of the Auror Department met MJ's pleading eyes for a moment before turning to her superior. _

_"Sir…there is some truth in what she says."_

_"I won't hear of it. That is final."_

_"Then you would have us ruin this opportunity by being ridiculously over-careful?"_

_There was a heavy silence as the man's eyes flashed with silent wrath. MJ stared stubbornly back. She was not going to back down on this; she was right and he knew it. He paused and finally spoke, quiet and smooth and cold as ice._

_"Amelia, leave us if you please."_

_Amelia Bones looked warily from one face to the other, before nodding respectfully and withdrawing in silence. The door shut quietly behind her, but the sound caused not a flicker on either visage. MJ stared him down, her chin lifted with defiance, her jaw set hard as he eyed her impassively._

_He was still beautiful, she reflected in spite of herself. The features were still classic and compelling, his hair still thick and lustrous and glowing chestnut despite his years that now numbered almost forty. Those hazel eyes still gleamed with silent mockery of the world in general, heartbreaking despite their natural hardness. His job as Head of Department had in no way diminished his rigorous exercise regime, and the muscles in his shoulders and forearms gleamed smooth and proud from beneath his velvet robes. She smiled inwardly. He'd always been a fanatic when it came to sport, as long as it was on the ground. The mere sight of a broomstick however would have him fleeing faster than you could say « Quidditch. » _

_They were opposites in everyway. He was calm and ruthless, she was impulsive and tempestuous. He drew people to him whilst doing everything possible to push them away, she was known as charm itself. For her, hiding her emotions had been her greatest difficulty; his was letting down his permanent mask of stone._

_They were as different as fire and ice, and she would have ran barefoot through both a thousand times over, simply to stand by his side._

_Henry Potter stared down into his wife's determined eyes with cold fury. She could see the inner battle raging inside his frighteningly acute mind, the iron strength and determination to bring down their old enemy waging silent war with his automatic refusal to let her walk into such danger alone. So MJ simply looked back at him, knowing already what his answer would be, because she knew him and his ability to face the hard choices. Like the whole of the wizarding world, she both loved and respected him for it. He could never be less than the man he was, the man she had pulled from the darkness, the man she had married all those years ago._

_MJ moved forward, one step and then another, until they were inches apart. His hazel orbs scorched into hers as she cautiously lifted a brown hand to touch his smooth, white cheek. He didn't move, didn't look away, but he did finally speak, the words low and emotionless from his clenched jaw._

_"If you're caught, he will kill you. As slowly…and painfully, as possible."_

_She leaned up towards him, her ebony hair falling back over her shoulder and pain in her black eyes as she met the intensity of his gaze. She nodded, a lump suddenly in her throat as she answered._

_"I know. But this gamble can only be pulled off if we risk everything. If I take my squad it will fail. All ten of us will be noticed, either we will all be caught and killed or we will simply learn nothing. This is a one-man job Henry, you can't deny it."_

_He stared back reading her determination, knowing full well that she was right, but hating himself for it. She would die, die for his mistakes, his arrogance and stupidity. And he couldn't live without her. For maybe the thousandth time he screamed inwardly, wishing as he had so many times before that they could be like any other husband and wife, he a husband who deserved to die for even thinking about sending his loved one alone into danger, she a wife safe in the knowledge that her spouse would protect her no matter what._

_But he wasn't just another man and she wasn't just another woman. She saw the reluctant acceptance in his eyes and sighed as he finally nodded. They both breathed deeply and MJ moved close enough to lean against his torso. The decision was made, time was too short to do anything but make the most of that which remained. His hand came to stroke her dark head, she grasped his robes tightly, trying not to think about the fact that in a few minutes time she would have to let him go. Neither knew how long this mission would take. It could be weeks before they could hold each other again, months before she would feel his warm firm body wrapped around her, in the one place she felt truly safe._

_The door opened and Mad-Eye Moody entered, his voice gruff as he looked away from the couple who had drawn abruptly apart._

_"Your portkey's ready MJ."_

_She sent him smile of thanks and her old friend nodded tersely before leaving the couple to say their final goodbyes. _

_MJ smiled lovingly up into her husbands face, trying to wipe away the panic leaking through his impassive mask. He stared down at her before suddenly wrenching her face up and crushing his lips to hers. _

_The kiss was bittersweet and painfully short. A second later MJ felt him let her go and pull away, his face expressionless as he retreated behind his mask of indifference to hide the inner agony. They drew apart, he once more her superior, she the lieutenant he was sending into battle. MJ spun around without another word and marched to the door with her usual determination. She paused, hand on the wooden knob and turned her head to gaze upon him one last time._

_"I love you."_

_His eyes smouldered with passion but his voice was emotionless once more as he answered._

_"Then stay safe, Moniqua. Stay safe, and come back to me."_

_She nodded. Their souls connected one final time and she was gone, leaving the man to stare with cold eyes at the empty space she'd left behind. He walked silently across the room to stand behind the great oak desk, and looked down at the single photo that sat there. The woman and boy waved happily up at him, the wind playing with their matching black hair as each clasped their own broomsticks. A strong hand suddenly shot out. The photo was slammed face down. Glass shattered._

_Henry Potter, hero of the people, feared by every dark wizard in England, allowed a single tear to creep down one white cheek._

* * *

Moniqua sighed, soft and low, before pushing the longing firmly away. Focus was essential, to the success of the mission and to keeping her promise. Her chin came up, her black eyes watched the group opposite from under the safety of the heavily hooded cape. She had a job to do.

* * *

Lily wiped away the remaining tearstains and jumped off her bed to march restlessly over to the window. The Quidditch pitch stretched out across the grounds like another smaller lake, and even from the Head Students' tower, the glint from the sunlight as it hit the golden goalposts at either end, still winked at her cheerily. But what caught and held her attention was the minute figure that was zooming back and forth over the white oval. Lily felt her temper rise once more, cursing the boy with all the names under the sun as he sped impossibly fast over the vast distance. He'd ignored her the entire afternoon, deliberately coming to every lesson despite his obvious lingering weakness, just so he could see her face whiten and her fists clench every time he staggered against one of his fellow Marauders or winced in the last twinges of the excruciating pain the poison had induced. Her hands had shook with worry, she hadn't been able to keep her eyes from his pale features for more than a minute at a time, peering through the hoards of tearful, languishing fans who didn't seem to want to leave his side for fear of him almost dying once more.

Lily glared and set her teeth. The news that two of the acknowledged kings of Hogwarts had almost died, had swept throughout the school like an Australian wildfire. By the time lunch break was over, every female in the building seemed to be sobbing hysterically at the boys' sides, from either relief or trauma, each of them apparently feeling the need to assure themselves James and Sirius were indeed still breathing by throwing themselves into their arms to burst into passionate tears on their chest.

Ten minutes into this and Sirius had had enough, and Lily winced as she remembered the words 'F-OFF!!' written in, thick, black, magical marker pen that her much tried darling had cursed onto one poor girls face. She couldn't in all honesty blame him. The blond fifth year had startled the playboy by trying to rip his clothes of in the middle of the great hall, apparently to assure herself his hadn't been scarred permanently. Sirius' face had been a picture, and Lily giggled slightly at the memory of his beautiful face for once gaping in complete and utter shock that had then transformed into terror, when suddenly every girl around him leapt upon this idea with scarily fanatic gusto. Sirius had finally recovered himself and promptly cursed the girl and sent her flying. To her not very great surprise, Lily hadn't seen him since.

James on the other hand HAD surprised her with his attitude. The moment she'd walked into the Great Hall to be met with the infuriating sight of her fellow Head surrounded by over thirty drooling females, she stalked over to her friends, nose aloft in disgust at his despicable womanizing ways. Of course he would be revelling in it the bastard. She'd sent him a look of withering distain and to her shock she could of sworn that he'd flushed slightly. Lily was still recovering from her disbelief when all of a sudden he too rose from his chair declaring the need to go to the hospital wing, alone but for Remus and Peter. The girls had all wailed but, ever the charmer, James had conjured each and every one a white rose, saying their thoughts would be enough to have him back on his feet again in no time, he simply couldn't bother them any longer.

James had then unleashed his heartbreaking grin upon the poor things and that was it, they were melting to the floor like ice cubes left out in the sun. Lily remembered her bemusement as he'd marched out of the room, head held bravely high like a soldier wounded in battle, flanked only by his two friends. She supposed they must have joined Sirius, probably in the Hogwarts kitchens; in any case the foursome had only reappeared in time for first afternoon period.

What irritated Lily the most was that her and Snape's role in the boy's miraculous escape from the jaws of death had been totally ignored. According to the latest of the rumours, the two idols had valiantly brewed their antidotes right to the end, whereupon Sirius had collapsed and James had heroically saved his brother by using his final moments to tip the vial down his brown throat, instead of securing his own safety. James had been rescued by Jenifer Backbone, via a magical kiss of life! Lily felt the rage boil over yet again at the mere thought. Jennifer Backbone! JENNIFER BACKBONE!! The blond wimp who had been too busy declaring to the entire world that SHE was at death's door, despite the little hitch being that she hadn't even taken a POISON! Grrrrrr. How that bitch got into Ravenclaw she would NEVER know.

Lily's eyes flashed viciously. It was hard to tell whether it was the bimbo's complete lack of neurons that wound her up the most, or her role as Head of James' Fan-club or even the fact that the girl played chaser on the opposing Ravenclaw team. Whatever the reason, Lily detested her. But talking about Quidditch…

Lily looked at her watch with a last tiny frown and sighed. She'd better get moving. Despite her not-so-friendly feelings towards James that still lingered from their earlier spat, she still couldn't afford to be late. James was a fanatic when it came to both his beloved game and his team. Whatever his or her feelings may be, she would be out quicker than the time it took to blink if she brought their disputes into their training time. Plus his final comment still rankled just a little. Lily scowled. She had no intention whatsoever of being late and she didn't need him ordering her around before the training even started. She was just as professional as he was.

On this final thought she threw one last approving glance in the mirror, picked up her Nimbus 500 and strutted out of her room with a pardonably pleased smile on her lips. Obviously the effort she had made to look amazing had nothing whatsoever to do with the fact that James had pissed her off earlier, just as it was even less to do with Amanda Spinnet's long legs and slim waste that the said James seemed to admire just a little to often for Lily's liking. And if she'd dressed to give him something else to think about it was quite her own business anyway. Lily grinned ruefully. Yeah. Right. Who was she kidding.

The smile widened with sudden pleasure as she stepped out of the portrait hole to meet the most beautiful face Hogwarts had ever seen. Sirius smirked back, his eyes glinting as they raked up and down her small figure from his lounging position against the wall, where his own broomstick hovered at his side. The emeralds sparkled wickedly back at him, and a white hand lifted to rest on her leather encased hip as she laughingly raised her eyebrows at him waiting for his approval. His gaze moved back to her face, his lips curving appreciatively as he shook his head in rueful pity for his best mate.

"What did he do now then?"

Lily widened her eyes innocently at her darling.

"Whatever are you talking about Sirius?"

The dancing purple orbs narrowed at her playfully.

"You're insulting my intelligence Lils. The poor git is going to wet himself when he sees you."

He pulled his body languidly away from the stone wall to move smoothly closer to her, his hand flicking the softly tousled locks of hair, his brows pointedly raised as he nodded towards the sultry eye makeup and of course the black leather catsuit straight out of the Underworld films.

She kept up the innocent front, blinking up at him though long black lashes, in a deliberately fascinating way that drew a laugh from his brown throat. He smirked down at her mockingly, one black brow lifted and his eyes gleaming as he shook his head and ruffled her burnished head.

"Save it for James Lils. However shaggable you look in that leather, it still wouldn't beat the pleasure of watching our dear captain's face when you turn up to practice looking like that."

She laughed back at him and grabbed his arm affectionately as they walked down the corridor.

"I guess from you, that's the best compliment I'm gonna get, right."

Sirius gleamed back at her enigmatically, and she giggled once more, eying him speculatively.

"Be serious now…NO, NO stupid puns!!!"

He chuckled and obediently closed him mouth, and she continued narrowing her eyes sternly at him.

"Do you…do you REALLY think this'll get his attention?" Sirius looked back at her now hopeful expression, taking in the whole ensemble with a long look. His eyes moved back to hers.

"If he doesn't drop the quaffle at the mere sight of you, then I'll ask Bellatrix to marry me."

She smiled embarrassedly up at him, a pink flush staining her cheeks with pleasure and when she moved it was with a new bounce in her step.

"Do I get to be bridesmaid?" He glanced down into her twinkling eyes and once more raised that unfairly mobile black eyebrow.

"Don't push it Evans."

She laughed and didn't answer, and they walked in companionable silence for a few minutes until Lily suddenly voiced the question that had been puzzling her.

"Sirius…" She hesitated and he came out of his thoughts to look down at her.

"Yeah."

"Don't take this the wrong way, but…why did you come to escort me down to training?" He raised both brows at her and she hurriedly continued.

"Not that I'm not glad you did, but I was just wondering if there was a specific reason you know? I mean…" she trailed off, eying his suddenly closed expression worriedly. He made no move to answer and she bit her lip, wondering if and how badly she'd offended him.

"Lily, you trust me right?"

She stared up at him in bemusement, but he simply looked at her, waiting for her answer.

"Of course. You know that."

He nodded, and moved his gaze to stare once more down the carpeted hallway. She kept her eyes on his, waiting for him to explain the unexpected question but he didn't. Instead he asked

"As much as Emily?"

There was silence. Lily's eyes turned wary and confused. Where was this coming from? They'd never talked about the fact that both had greater loyalties than to each other. There had been no need to; it didn't matter. James was Sirius' best friend just as Emily was hers. An unspoken fact that had never lessened their own bond. So why now?

He met her puzzled gaze, his eyes serious and grave. Her worry increased. There was no mockery in those pools of forget-me-not blue, no glint to reassure her that this was just another game, just another joke to wind her up.

"I trust you both. Surely that's all that matters, right?"

His eyes never left hers.

"So you would lie to Emily then."

Lily frowned up at him, the gravity in his eyes creasing her white brow.

"No…why…?"

"But you lied to me."

Lily stared up at him in sudden fright, eyes wide and panicking.

"I…no…"

"You didn't tell her the whole truth, but at least you didn't lie to her."

"Sirius, I…"

His violet eyes gazed back into hers, sparkling with hurt and betrayal. They were no longer moving, the two figures stood face to face in the middle of the empty Entrance Hall, his shaggy head towering above hers. Her white fingers were clenched into small fists around the wooden handle of her broom, he made no outwards show of emotion, only his eyes burned into hers, breathtaking as amethysts.

"So tell me Lily, what do I have to do to get you to trust me?"

"I DO trust y…"

"Not enough to tell me the truth."

There was a pause, and she finally raised her eyes to his. They were soft and sad but determined, and when she spoke the voice was clear and strong despite her trembling lip.

"I…I can't. Please Sirius. If you've spoken to Emily, you know the bet was a lie, and that's that. Please, just leave it there. Please."

He moved closer to her, his face creased with visible pain as he pleaded openly.

"Damm it Lily, why won't you just tell me what happened. Why you did it. Why you hurt him."

She looked up into his face and the concern there was so overwhelming that for a brief moment she longed to let him in, to tell him the truth and to wipe the hurt from his beautiful eyes. But…

* * *

_Flashback_

_"Besides Miss, I'm on a contract never to hurt you."_

_She smiled up at him curiously and he grinned lovingly down at her, his hazel eyes glowing in the moonlight streaming in through the windows as they passed. His smile widened mischievously at her obvious interest and he continued._

_"When I first went out with you I had to swear that this was for real. Sirius was as ruffled and flustering as a mother-hen, you should have seen him. I think his exact words were… 'If you ever break her heart, I'll draw and quarter you and feed you to M… to the nearest werewolf.'"_

_She laughed up at him incredulously._

_"Seriously? He said that about me?"_

_"Yeah. In other words, God help me if I fuck up; I'm not sure he'd ever forgive me."_

_His eyes met hers, smirking arrogantly, but at the back of them there was a hint of worry that made her think maybe he wasn't completely joking_. _She hesitated before glancing shyly up at him once more and saying softly._

_"Does that mean you're not allowed to break up with me either then." There was a slight pause before he looked back down at her, a heartbreaking smile gently curling his lips._

_"Worried you might be stuck with me forever?"_

_She blushed and looked at the floor, and he smiled to himself, tightening his grip around her small fingers. Then _

_"Forever's an awfully long time."_

_Another pause, heavier this time, and two heartbeats quickened infinitesimally to the same rhythm. The jokes were set aside. This was something different, something serious, something life-changing. Then James' voice echoed almost inaudibly down the deserted corridor._

_"Not with you."

* * *

_

Lily felt her lip split under her the pressure of her clenched teeth, and the bitter taste in her mouth was not entirely due to the blood leaking from small wound. The pain she barely felt; it was a pinprick in comparison to the gaping wound being newly torn open in her heart. She finally looked up and met Sirius' worried gaze sadly.

"I can't. If you knew how much I wish I could… But…it's just not possible. I'm sorry."

His violet eyes hardened ever so slightly, his jaw setting and he drew himself up and stared coldly past her. She ached to pull him to her and reassure him, yearned to let the tears and the truth spill out over his broad shoulder, but the thought of James and their love for each other held her back. She couldn't do that to them. Maybe that night, when the wound was minutes old, and the pain tearing her to pieces, she might have briefly yearned to tell him and watch James suffer, but even then she couldn't have hurt Sirius so. She wouldn't tear them apart, wouldn't see that that iron bond between them broken simply for her. Even if it meant both of them hating her instead. Because she loved them both, differently of course, but enough to willingly sacrifice everything to keep them from the pain of losing each other.

Sirius finally nodded, his eyes like shards of purple glass, his voice smooth and emotionless as silk.

"We'd better get moving. I doubt James would appreciate your being late on your first day."

She bowed her head silently and followed his easy nonchalant stride out into the grounds. He didn't speak to her any further and she didn't try to initiate conversation. He was hurting, badly and she hated herself for wounding him so. His beautiful back was poker straight, his shoulders tight and even from behind the muscles of his neck stood out proud as his jaw stayed clenched in anger at her betrayal.

The cold, silent, walk down to the Quidditch pitch seemed to take forever and it was with an inward sigh of relief that they entered the vast stadium and made their way towards the five people standing in a group in the very centre.

As they approached, James welcomed the pair with a glint in his hard eyes, and the cold irony in his voice was barely disguised as he said

"Perfect. Now we're ALL here, let's get on with it. Warm up people! I want five laps round the pitch right now!"

The team made to mount when James smirked an evil smirk and raised a hand to continue silkily.

"Oh no, guys. Thanks to your friends' lack of punctuality, I want five laps…WITHOUT…broomsticks."

* * *

Practice turned out to be a literal nightmare, and an hour later Lily felt ready to dig a hole and crawl into it. From the knackering first ten minutes of running, things didn't improve, as James and his ill-temper worked the team to exhaustion. Most of the other team members were used to this; James was well-known for his harsh, autocratic training regime, but they put up with it however grumpily because, like it or not, the results produced were exceptional. The other important point was that James never asked anything of his team he didn't do himself, and true to form he led the series of sprints and push-ups and crunches with a strength and overall fitness that made Lily gape.

Jenny could only shrug her shoulders apologetically at her friend as she watched Lily struggle to keep up with the others. Up to that moment she had always considered herself a relatively fit human being. She jogged twice a week and tried to keep her tummy flat with a hundred sit-ups in the evening, but twenty minutes into the practise and she was sweating like a pig. Her temper was not improved by the sight of Amanda finishing before her in every exercise and then preceding to stand and chat to James, looking fresh as the proverbial daisy in her leather suit, whilst waiting for the others to finish. James himself had stunned her stupid, the muscles she'd oogled so often were put into delicious use as he pumped and pressed and crunched twice the number of times of any of the others apart from Sirius, without even breaking a sweat.

It was a whole half an hour later when the team eventually progressed to actually sitting on their broomsticks and lapped the pitch a few times before James finally split them into their roles for separate training. Sirius and Karl were sent to the other end of the pitch to practise sending Bludgers through the three goalposts at one end of the stadium whist Jenny waited sixty seconds before zooming after the released snitch. Lily was left with Jamie, Amanda and her nemesis.

Jamie grinned at Lily's nervous face and was winking reassuringly when James suddenly cut him off, his voice hard and sharp as he interrupted smoothly.

"If you're ready Jamie then I would suggest you get to your place in front of those goalposts."

Jamie wiped the smirk from his face and nodded respectfully, when James continued marginally more warmly.

"It'll be a pretty boring practice for you, I'm afraid. The most important thing to do today is to make Evans one of the team, which'll mean a lot of bla-bla and not a lot of actual playing for the moment.

Jamie nodded and winked once more at Lily.

"I'll survive Captain. Nothing to do but enjoy the view I guess."

Lily repressed a giggle at her friend's imprepressible innuendos. James however didn't seem to enjoy the joke. His hazel orbs darkened, and the words came out as almost a snarl

"Today Mclaggen!"

Jamie took in the sparkle in his Captain's eye and decided it might be best to quit while he was ahead. He kicked off strongly and was gone, zooming towards the other end of the pitch and the golden goalposts glinting in the sun.

James glared at his diminishing figure before turning back to the two girls, who were now watching him silently. Amanda sent him a wide, appealing smile, her eyes big and blue in the late afternoon sun, but his own return grin was still forced. Concentrating with the redhead so close was harder than James had even imagined. He'd geared himself for this, for the sight of seeing her in the skin-tight black leather cat-suit that made up the Quidditch protective uniform, but all his mental training couldn't have prepared him for the sight that was before him.

She was slim and sprightly as an elf, her small toned limbs encased in the smooth black material that flaunted every curve and plane of her unfairly appetising form. Her hair was loose and fell in soft straight locks down to her shoulders and the smoky make-up around her eyes turned them greener than the richest emerald as they glinted at him with sinful amusement as though guessing his thoughts. All in all she looked good enough to eat, and the desire coursing through James' veins forced him to swallow several times before managing to regain his nonchalant composure.

"Ok, the plan for today is to create a new team of chasers." He turned to Lily and continued.

"Last year the Gryffindor team won every match it played for two reasons. One: everybody on this team were sodding good. Two: everybody on this team knew the other inside out." Lily flushed lightly as he locked yes with her, intense and grave.

"As chasers, this is doubly more important. Each of us has to know what the other will do in this situation or that. The most popular theory last year was that Simon, Amanda and myself all learnt to read minds. Obviously that's ridiculous but it shows the level of understanding that we had as a team. Before next weeks match, we need to create that understanding between the three of us."

"Next week?!"

Amanda's eyes were round in shock. James looked at her and nodded ruefully. I'm afraid so, McGonagall informed me today that this year we're playing first and due to god knows what, they've brought the match forward a week. That means we've have under seven days to pull together a reasonable team that has a hope of winning. What's more we're up against Slytherin. »

The blond girl's jaw fell open at this and Lily looked from one to the other in confusion.

"Euh…what's so bad about playing Slytherin."

They both turned to her, Amanda with an incredulous look as if to say, 'You've got to be kidding me.' , James with an oddly serious expression on his face. Lily flushed, but to her surprise James answered without any of his usual derision.

"It's bad because unlike us, they kept their entire team from last year. They're all set, all used to working with each other, and believe that's a big advantage." Lily flushed darker, sensing the unspoken criticism in Amanda's gaze, but yet again James surprised her.

"That's not a criticism Evans. If you weren't good you wouldn't be on this team, trust me. What it does mean is that we the three of us have some serious work to do. By the end of this practise I need you to know both mine and Amanda's strengths and weaknesses, our favourite moves, game-plans and strategies as well as those of the Slytherin team. It's going to be a hell of a job, I'll warn you now. But I believe we can do it."

He was speaking quickly and determinedly, his beautiful eyes glowing as they looked into hers, and she couldn't help but admire his inner strength and leadership. Even if it was all an act designed to motivate her, she could feel it working anyway, feel the words stirring both her pride and her competitive spirit.

Lily looked straight back at him and spoke, clear and determined.

"Let's do it."

* * *

The sun was almost setting when James finally called his tired team to the ground. Lily watched the weary faces that looked ready to drop but when James started speaking, congratulating and encouraging, each one picked up and managed to smile. His tall broad figure moved with an energy that could only make her wonder where he found it, and just standing beside him made one automatically draw themselves up, despite the complaints of aching muscles. He brought out the best in people, putting personnel feelings aside as he talked to each and every member of the team, criticizing and praising where due. Finally he turned to the group and said with a proud grin.

"Alright people, great practise. You head up and I'll put the gear away tonight."

The sighs of relief and gratitude made him laugh, and Lily's heart leapt at the sight of his eyes glowing and dancing as Jamie smacked him of the back, and Jenny declared him to be the best Captain ever. Both she and Sirius caught Lily's eye in a questioning look, before leaving with the others when she shook her burnished head in a negative. Amanda glared briefly, looking from Lily to James but Jamie suddenly grabbed her by the arm and, with all his god-given charm, persuaded her to accompany him back to the castle with good grace. Lily and James were alone.

James turned to gather the bats and the Quaffle. The Bludgers were already strapped down, the golden snitch locked away and he shut the case with a snap after placing the red leather ball inside with loving care. Then he reached down to pick up both handles but to his surprise Lily got there before him, picking up the heavy case with difficulty. He raised a cynical eyebrow at her and she lifted her chin stubbornly.

"What?" Her eyes were sparkling dangerously, the challenge in them obvious. James shrugged and replied

"Nothing. Hurry up." He turned and strode away towards the changing rooms where the balls and bats were kept, his teeth gritted in annoyance. Stupid stubborn girl. Well if she wanted to try and prove herself stronger that fine by him.

Lily watched him go, her expression a pathetic mixture of defiance and defeat on her face as she struggled to walk a single pace with the heavy burden. Merlin, the thing weighed a tonne. Lily gasped as suddenly she felt the wood slipping from her fingers. If it fell it would surely break every bone in her foot, but she couldn't stop it, couldn't hold onto…SHIT

Fast as lightening the case was caught inches before it crushed her black boots. Lily's head shot up and he looked down at her, exasperation in those glorious hazel eyes. Without a word he straightened up and moved quickly and smoothly away, the chest seemingly feather light in those brown muscular arms. Lily followed with the metal bats and a face that was beetroot red and creased with embarrassment. He said nothing though, not a word of mockery or dig at her weakness, her pride or anything. She stared at his back uncomprehending.

The silence held until they had deposited the case and the bats and were once more back under the evening sky. The sun was setting, streaks of red and gold decorating the sky and throwing an orange glow onto their faces. The rays set the girls copper hair on fire, dazzling the boy beside her and quickening both the pounding of his heart and the rate of his breathing. James could only stare; she glowed like a goddess of the dawn or dusk, her fiery locks a burning halo around those hypnotic emerald eyes. They smiled back at him shyly, nervous after their earlier disagreement and so tempting he cleared his throat and spoke simply to break the moment before he got too carried away.

"You didn't have to stay you know."

She gazed back at him and but her lip, before wincing suddenly in pain. He frowned and opened his mouth to demand the cause but she beat him to it, saying

"I know. I guess I wanted to talk to you. You…we might have not had the chance later."

He looked at her, waiting for her to continue, and under his cynical gaze the colour rose to her cheeks, turning them a soft, appetising pink.

"I…I wanted to ask…" She took a deep breath and found the courage to look him directly in the eye.

"To ask if you would teach me to dance." The emeralds sparkled in a strange mixture of defiance and hope, but James was too shocked to answer. Whatever he'd been expecting her to say, it certainly wasn't that.

"To dance."

"Yes, dance you twat! Waltz, Tango, the Macarena what do I know?! Whatever dances you filthy rich people dance at Ministry Balls!" The angry sparkle in her eyes made his lips twitch in spite of his good intentions and she glared at his mockery. He met her defiant gaze with dancing eyes and said as if to reassure.

"We don't dance the Macarena. The Hokey-Cokey maybe but..."

"Oh shut up! So is that a yes?!" Her eyes once more locked with his, fierce and proud despite the pleading in her voice. She was coming to him he realised, apologising in the way she hoped would best get through to him. It wasn't even really the dancing she was worried about; it was about them and where they were in this strange half-enemy-half lovers relationship they had. He'd been a prat yet again and yet again she was the one trying to fix it. He hated that more than anything.

"It's a yes," then his eyes suddenly twinkled wickedly

"On one condition."

Lily eyed him warily.

"What condition?"

The mischief deepened, his lips curling into his deadliest smirk.

"You have to call me "BAD James", just like you did the other day."

Lily's mouth fell open and her face turned redder than her hair. His glowing hazel orbs openly mocked her as she glared at him in a hopeless attempt to hide her embarrassment.

"Don't be...NO, never."

"I guess you just have to go find Sirius then, " he said with a sad sigh of disappointment still belied by the evil glint. She gaped at him and quick as lightening he changed tactics, attacking on every front.

"Come on, I'll even apologize if you put enough feeling into it." She bit her lip, and once more winced but although his eyes narrowed in concern he wasn't to be distracted that easily.

"OR, I could summon a whip if it would help you get into character." That was the last straw, Lily pulled back her hand and soundly slapped him straight across his pretty, smirking face, but instead of becoming angry he only laughed at her furious expression. Lily's eye flashed and her hand flew back for a second time but James was way ahead of her. His brown fingers caught her wrist with lightening reflexes and he grinned mockingly down into her blazing eyes, the amusement deepening as she struggled to pull her arm away.

"Let me go you pig!"

"See, look, you're almost there. Just two little words."

"Let me GO!"

"No."

He calmly met her furious gaze and seeing that he had no intention of listening to her she resorted to another tactic. She burst into angry tears.

James turned white, his hand immediately leaving her wrist to cup her cheek. He'd made her cry! He deserved to be boiled in oil! Burned alive!! Fed to that dammed giant spider, whatever his name was. He bent his knees so that his panic-stricken eyes looked into her sparkling emeralds.

"Don't cry Lils, I was teasing I'm sorry, just don't..." hang on, SPARKLING?

BAMM!! Then

ARGH!!!!! and finally

"You...little...bitch!!!"

Lily smirked evilly down at him from his position on the ground, and said sweetly

"Call me that again and you'll be back to explain to Mme Doucanne how you got your hands glued to your balls for the second time in two weeks. . And thank you for the dancing lessons; I'll see you tomorrow bright and early. Goodnight Potter."

Another second and she was gone, mounting her Nimbus and soaring away, over the stands and out of sight. James lay on the ground silently, staring up at the sky with the stupidest little smile curving his lips, as he waited for the agony in his groin to slowly subside. Damm the bitch. She'd got him well and good once again. So why was he smiling...unless....

Oh crap.

Fuck.

Double Fuck

He was in love.

* * *

The evening sky was beautiful beyond belief, so much so that not even the thought of dinner being served in the Great Hall could tempt her back to earth. She could always visit the kitchens later, she reasoned, she'd been having midnight snacks for years. Though come to think of it, not so much recently. As a matter of fact not since... Suddenly her heart gave a lurch as memory returned and she thought of the last time she'd decided on a midnight outing. Suddenly the hole in her chest was ripped open, wide and gaping and the tears welled up and blurred her vision. She could barely see. She had to land, fast.

The black lake rocketed towards her and with the last of her strength she pulled up the nose of her Nimbus at the last moment, wrenching it out of the dive just in time. Her toes brushed the water, leaving small, silent ripples in her wake and a thick glistening tentacle rose slowly out of the water in search of whatever had disturbed it's domain, before sinking just as silently back below the surface. Lily didn't notice. All she could see was the shoreline some one hundred yards away, the huge tree standing at the bank, waving it's branches in welcome, calling her home to a place she hadn't visited in over a year.

The landing was messy and frantic. she rolled onto the grass and was up on her feet and running a mere second later. Only when the great boughs drooped over her did she slow her pace. What if it wasn't here, if he'd somehow made them disappear, the two pairs of initials that proved that that night had really happened, that his words, his implied promises, they'd all really been spoken. If they weren't here, she didn't know what she'd do. Couldn't bear the heartbreak all over again.

But she had to know.

She neared the thick gnarled trunk as if in a dream, whites hands reaching out to press against the rough bark, green eyes straining in the gloom to search for the letters he'd engraved here all those months ago. The minutes passed by like hours, as her fingertips inched over the dark, scratchy wood, finding nothing, until finally...

There! She traced the lines that were barely visible in the moonlight. JP and LE. Still here, still tying them together until the end of time. But still missing that crucial piece. The symbol that had never been added.

The tears were escaping now, slipping silently down her cheeks as her knees buckled and she sank shaking to the ground. She rolled so that her the rough bark of the tree pressed into her back but the discomfort seemed so far away, so unimportant.

The vast expanse of shimmering blackness lay quiet and still as glass, the moonlight seemed to want to wrap her in a comforting embrace, across the lake a silver stag cantered under the twinkling stars and Lily couldn't help but envy the freedom it exuberated as it danced to the loving smiles of the almost full moon.

But the memories were flooding back now, trapping her in, forcing her to face the pain they brought, and white lids closed protectively over the glistening emeralds as the past washed over her like a tidal wave. How could not? This was where it had all started, just as it was here that the world as she had grown to know and love it, came crashing down around her. Almost exactly one year ago. One month after she'd said yes. Monday thirty-first of October.

* * *

_Flashback_

_Neither of them spoke during the short walk to the Portrait of the Fat Lady. There seemed to be nothing more to say, at least until tomorrow. There was a quiet, frighteningly powerful understanding between the pair that somehow rendered words unnecessary. All Lily needed was the feel of his warm brown fingers wrapped tightly around her white ones, the scorching gaze he threw at her every so often as they walked, warming her entire left side with glowing feeling that brought a giddy smile to her lips and her eyes. They were sixteen and they were in love._

_The Fat Lady's imposing figure trembled like a pink blamange with silent chuckles as the pair rounded the corner, and Lily her cheeks flushing as she waggled her overplucked eyebrows at James in a way that made her cringe. No penny for her thoughts, Lily thought indignantly. So what if the woman of pig-like proportions was well known to have a 'thing' for the gorgeous unquestioned leader of the Marauders, which of course meant the entire school. Wrapped up lump of lard. _

_James seemed to read her thoughts, or maybe it was the vicious expression her green eyes that gave her away, either way he smirked wickedly at her, shaking his messy head mockingly at her obvious annoyance. She glared at him, but with professional aplomb her cut off any rebuke or remark that was on the tip of her tongue by effectively stopping her lips with his. _

_His hazel eyes were dancing with childish pride when he eventually pulled away, the amusement deepening as he took in her slightly dazed expression, as she stood their, clasped in his arms gaping up at him._

_"Finally, I've figured out how to keep you quiet."_

_She flushed and snapped out of her trance to scowl into his taunting face, and pushed him away from her with a pout. The affectionate chuckle finally escaped and she glared at him in outrage and turned smartly away from him, refusing to respond even when he wrapped his toned arms sneakily round her slim waist in an attempt to pull her closer. HAH! Try again James Potter._

_Unfortunately he did, and his next attack was far more difficult to ignore. His ebony head bent lower and lower until the full lips were curved into smirk that barely brushed the white skin of her neck. Involuntarily she quivered and the tiny movement made the smile widen against her shoulder. Oh so gently, he pressed the soft pink flesh up and down the smooth line, from her collar bone right up to the tiny patch of skin behind her ear that was her greatest weak-spot. Lily couldn't help it; the soft moan was barely audible but by the way he concentrated on the spot with greater gusto, she could tell he must have heard it._

_Desire pumped through her veins, until everything but the feel of his lips against her skin became a blur. Her heartbeat began to pound as if she was running the One Hundred Meters, her breaths coming in gasps as his white teeth pulled on the sensitive flesh of her earlobe, teasing it with his tongue before biting down hard enough to intensify the desire but not cause pain._

_"Uh HEM! "_

_Lily's eyes shot open and she almost fled there and then as the Fat Lady's disapproving gaze scorched her already bright red face. She gaped at James indignantly. His was all HIS fault so why was SHE the one getting burnt to cinders by the porky woman's jealous glare? He shrugged, eyes dancing once more and lily felt her temper rising all over again when he spoke, light and laughing and loving_

_"Come on Lils, you better get to bed." She raised an eyebrow at him._

_"And of course you shouldn't?"_

_For a split-second she could have sworn she'd seen a flash of uneasiness in his glorious eyes, but when she looked closer a mere moment later, it was already gone. She may have even imagined it. He grinned impishly down at her and continued_

_"Nah, I've got a few things to settle and might be out late. You on the other hand need to get some sleep before our rendez-vous tomorrow. After all, I know now JUST how grumpy you are in the morning after an...active night." Lily nearly gasped in outrage at his shameless way of flaunting last night's activities in front of a now shell-shocked looking portrait. _

_"I…you, you…I am NOT grumpy in the morning!" He mocked her affectionately._

_"Oh really, so who was the red-head who almost castrated me this morning when I simply tried to prove to her that there really are much more pleasurable things to being doing in the early hours besides sleeping?"_

_Lily flushed but still hissed at him with all her usual fire._

_"James. Henry. Potter. You are without a doubt the most shameless, arrogant, uncouth, PIG-HEADED specimen of man-kind on this entire PLANET!"_

_His eyes were alight with laughter and to her surprise, his arms suddenly swooped down to pull her into an iron hug that crushed the full length of her slim frame to his deliciously hard body. _

_"If you only knew how much I long to quip back those four little words Lils. This night will probably be the longest of my entire life."_

_She lifted her copper still glaring but the anger was gone now, her eyes soft and glowing as she stared up into his intense pools of gold._

_"I really do hate you. You know that right." he grinned lovingly down at her and lifted her chin with an arrogant finger._

_"I wouldn't have it any other way."_

_Her eyes gleamed with need, need that was echoed in his own suddenly scorching expression and in unison they fiercely closed the gab between their lips, their passion and desire so strong they almost seemed to want devour the other rather than let them go. James finally pulled back, hating himself for doing so but realising he had to hurry. The meeting was in less than fifteen minutes. He needed her up and out of the way in under five, just to be on the safe side. Then tomorrow it would all be over. No more sneaking around, no more flickers of guilt or shame. He would be hers, completely and utterly; the idea that before would have had him jumping of the nearest cliff, now seemed to give him wings. But she needed to go. Quickly._

_He gave her a final chaste kiss on her swollen lips and pushed her mockingly towards the portrait hole, seemingly oblivious to the death-look the Fat Lady was sending the pair of them. James spoke the password and the portrait swung reluctantly open and he gently helped her inside. She rolled her pretty eyes at him, but he wasn't fooled. The blush in her cheeks was a deliciously appetising indication that she was pleased rather than insulted by his gallantry and he grinned back at her knowingly. One final smile trembled on those sweet pinks lips and a moment later she was gone. James allowed a sigh of relief to escape him. He would give her ten minutes, to make sure she was safely up in the dorm. Then he would end this charade once and for all._

* * *

_Lily practically skipped into the Gryffindor common room. Her entire body felt lighter than air, the wide, goofy grin just didn't seem to want to leave her lips. She was…happy. It came to her in a flash. For the first time since her parents deaths she was truly, one-hundred-percent over the proverbial moon. Nothing could rain on her parade, nothing could bring her down, nothing…_

_Nothing except HER. Lily fell back down from cloud nine with a thump, to look coldly back into the malicious ice-blue eyes of her arch-enemy, Cecilia Dale. The blond was curling her lip in undisguised dislike and distain, and Lily returned the favour with heartfelt pleasure. _

_James' slighted mistress looked the red-head up and down with a deliberately insulting slowness before visibly sniffing. Lily knew she shouldn't let the bitch of a seventh year get to her, but something in the superior smirk that was now spreading over the blond's scarlet lips, had her mind screaming at her to tread carefully. The girl was looking triumphant now, far too triumphant for Lily's liking. As if reading her enemy's thoughts, Cecilia's smirk widened and she spoke with taunting victory._

_"So you've given in already Evans. You with all your high-handed words and that stick up your arse, you still felt for it."_

_Lily narrowed her eyes at the seventeen year-old in distinct loathing._

_"Looking a little green there Dale?"_

_"You know Evans, I did have my doubts about you to start off with. But I guess you're just as naïve as every other airhead in this school."_

_Cecilia's laugh echoed mockingly round the empty room, sending chills up Lily's spine in spite of herself. Outwardly though she simply raised a pitying eyebrow at the blond who couldn't bare to watch someone else succeed where she' d failed._

_"What you're doing Dale, it won't work."_

_Cecilia raised her own brows in taunting inquiry._

_"Now why would that be? Oh let me guess, he says you're special, you're different, you're all he ever thinks about. He buys you all the gifts, the flowers and when he touches you, you feel like your entire body is being consumed by his fire." She paused and eyed the slightly paler girl derisively. _

_"All of that ring any bells?"_

_Lily stared at her for a moment before, to the blonds complete shock, she smiled evilly. The words were spoken slowly and clearly and with obvious enjoyment, her green eyes sparkling with the glow of victory._

_"You know what Dale, as a matter of fact, no, it doesn't. James doesn't shower me with every gift his billions can buy, he doesn't nauseate me with fulsome compliments to make one cringe. He mocks me at any opportunity and quite often we both make each other blazingly angry but, guess what." The glinting emerald locked with those angry blue crystals, and struck the final blow._

_"He loves me. He's going to say it. Tomorrow. For everyone to hear." Lily felt her heart glow as the blonds jaw fell open in stunned horror._

_"You're...you're lying."_

_"No, Dale I'm not. Look into my eyes and you'll see the truth there, plain as a pumpkin. Face it Dale; you've lost. Both James and our personnel war. Get over it"_

_Lily spun on her heel and skipped up the stairs leading to the girls dormitory, laughing for pure joy of being having her love and triumphing over her enemy, a spring in her step to rival a that of a Kangeroo-Tigger hybrid. The door was shut behind her with a cheery bang and Cecilia glared at the door with eyesnarrowed into slits. The silence was ugly and full of hatred until finally the blond hissed to the empty room._

_"Lost have I, Evans? We'll see about that."_

_Half an hour later, Lily was still tossing and turning in her four-poster bed. She simply couldn't sleep; not when James' scent still hung heady and deliciously MALE on the blankets and pillows, not when she remembered it was only ten hours time before she and James would be real! He was going to say it!! He loved her!! For the thousandth time in the last ten minutes Lily let out a delighted wriggle of excitement. Her body just couldn't seem to keep still. She wanted to move, wanted to dance, to laugh, to cry, to tell the entire school that, as of earlier that night, she was the happiest girl in the world._

_Then it came to her, so simple she laughed at herself for not having thought of it already. She would go for a midnight stroll. She hadn't visited Tinky, and Notty and all the other house-elves in over a week; they'd be wondering what had happened to her she grinned mischievously. She would go and set their minds at ease, and if they happened to offer her one of her favourite chocolate Ice-creams of all time in welcome, well she wasn't one to turn up her nose at generosity._

_Lily slipped softly as an elf out of the king-sized bed and repressed a giggle. She'd always thought it was a little OTT having a king-sized bed for one person, but last night had changed her view on quite a few things. Again the urge to giggle almost overcame her. She shook her copper curls ruefully; Cecilia was half-right, she was acting as silly and distracted as a bitch in heat. But for some reason it didn't really matter, in all honest to God, who cared. So what? She was happy, why shouldn't she act it? That was what first love was all about, didn't everybody say?_

_Her feet barely made a sound as she tiptoed over to the door and pulled it softly open, before closing it just as gently behind her. The fresh air floating up from the common room made her sigh a deep sigh of contentment, and she danced towards the staircase when suddenly she was stopped in her tracks by what unmistakably a very explicative moan of pleasure. _

_Any other day Lily would have already been marching down those steps to inform the shameless couple exactly what she thought of their cheek of carrying out their debaucheries in a public place. Tonight however, Lily shook her head fiercely in an attempt to push back the sudden images of her and James carrying out those same debaucheries on the worn, scarlet couch in question , which were assailing her mind in force. Damm his gorgeous body, his lips, his breathtaking eyes. Lily sighed ruefully. She was already being corrupted. Damm you James._

_"Oh JAMES!"_

_What…? _

_"Oh, yes, yes, James please…"_

_Lily felt her insides go...strange, cold somehow and twisted in knots. Painful knots. No. It…it couldn't be._

_"Ahh...Yes!!"_

_Lily swallowed, her body moving without her mind really thinking about it. All she knew was that a moment later, she was standing rigid over the wooden balcony, with a face paler than snow. Please. No it, it couldn't be. It had to be some mistake. There had to be another James in Gryffindor. Or a nickname. Jamie perhaps. A slip of the tongue would be understandable if the girl had experienced half of the sheer bliss James had given her last night. James. Her James who loved her. He couldn't. _

_She had to look. Because somewhere deep down she knew there was no other James in Gryffindor, be it in first year or seventh. But still her poor ripping heart prayed, hanging onto this last hope with everything she had, because if not she would…break. She sent up a silent plea to the gods and looked down to the couch below._

_Right there, right then, Lily felt her chest tear in two._

_Even his back was beautiful, she registered numbly, gold and gleaming with the thin sheen of sweat from his exertions that were sending the girl beneath him into spasms of ecstasy. Every muscle was clenched, from his tight, perfect buttocks to the broad rippling planes over his shoulders and his gorgeously sexy mob of hair was more touseled than usual. For a brief moment Lily thought the girls eyes flashed to hers, but she had to be mistaken. Lily blinked and when she opened her own eyes once more, the girls blue ones were wide and vacant, she was somewhere in between rainbows and stars, gasping for mercy as he pushed closer and closer to the edge. But they were still unmistakable._

_Lily felt her knees give way, and she sank to floor, eyes staring at something or nothing. She just didn't seem to be able to think properly. It didn't want to make sense, didn't want to admit that the two people shagging openly in the middle of the Gryffindor couch were Cecilia Dale and James. Her James._

_Lily vaguely felt the tears running down her cheeks, but why wipe them away. They would never stop anyway. Just like this sudden agonising hole in her chest would never heal, and her poor shredded heart would never stop it's feeble attempts to beat for him and him alone. It was…over. Everything. _

_Through the haze, some part of her brain registered the moans were getting steadily louder, and Cecilia's voice dragged Lily out of oblivion. _

_"Say the words."_

_The words….What words? Lily frowned trying to understand, trying to make sense, before finally it came, the awful truth washing over her like a tsunami as she gradually realised where this was going, what the bitch was after._

_"Say it James..." More gasps of pleasure, another harsh, heavy groan and a growl escaping from the back of a smooth brown throat. But no answer._

_"Say it." Sharper this time, harsher, more desperate. Surely from the steadily building need, to have him, to possess him once and for all. And it made a glimmer of hope flicker treacherously in her breaking heart. Don't say it. Please. Please don't. She could take it all, forgive anything. Anything but those words. The words he'd avoided, the three little syllables he'd so carefully refrained from ever pronouncing, with a smooth dexterity that she hadn't even noticed until he'd given her hope. Fatal, treacherous hope. Please._

_Another gasp, synchronised breaths coming faster and faster, until the moans escalated into one final scream of agonising ecstasy._

_"James!" White lids squeezed tight over tears that still escaped to spill down whiter cheeks, and a short sharp breath caught in heartbreak as his voice betrayed both her and him, more unbearably beautiful even than in her naïve, lovesick imagination.._

_"I love you!"_

_Time stood still. Two bodies collapsed panting onto the sofa, whilst mere feet above them, the third simply…broke. Shattered. Smashed._

_In that moment Lily Evans said her last silent goodbyes._

_To love._

_To life. _

_To dreams._

* * *

Under the tree, their tree ironic as it was, Lily's lip curled in self-mocking bitterness. A tear rolled down her white cheek to hit the first of the fallen leaves, followed by another. Drip. Drip.

That was all it had been. A sweet, childish dream. A naïve love-struck girl's fantasy. Beautiful, wonderful. And perfect. While it had lasted. She supposed she should be grateful to him. For opening her eyes, for teaching her the cruel reality of the world they lived in. For saving someone else the trouble.

Drip.

She remembered the moment when the silent screams had finally burnt themselves out, to be replaced by the first sparks of anger and hurt that would grow into a hatred she had never known herself capable of. The lust for revenge pounding in her blood, the overwhelming desire to bring him down for what he'd done to her.

Drip.

She remembered Emily's white, stricken face when she outlined the plan to hurt him back, wound him fatally in the only place she could; his ego.

Drip.

She remembered the disbelief, followed by hurt and finally anger on his glorious face, in the morning sunshine as she lied through her teeth and told him it had all been a charade, a comedy. How pathetic he'd been to actually fall for it. To actually believe she could ever love him.

Drip.

She remembered like it was yesterday the fierce, raging triumph as she watched his eyes darken in a hatred to match hers, watched his lips twist in growing loathing as she smirked in to his pale face with every ounce of cruelty she had in her body. Because she needed to hurt him so badly. She didn't just want to bring him down; she wanted him to scream in silent pain and beg for death to escape it.

Because that was what he'd done to her.

The tear was caught on a fingertip before it left her cheekbone. In the moonlight, the drop sparkled like the finest and most precious diamond. Too precious to waste on him.

She didn't really know why she felt the need to do it, it just felt right. Lily pulled herself to her feet and walked slowly to the waters edge. She stood at the bank and gazed across the Hogwarts grounds. Birds were flying overhead. Owls. Leaving for that night's hunt. The water was still motionless, the leaves in the trees still rustled but sadder now, feeling her pain. Even the stag had moved closer, his beautiful head turned her way as she squared her shoulders and held out the white hand that trembled ever so slightly. Her eyes closed, and her lips barely moved as she whispered the promise to the wind, the water, to the stag and the tree.

"One last tear James. No more."

Movement. The flash of light through water. A momentary rainbow.

Splash….

* * *

**Et VOILA!!!!!! Three flashbacks!! A record in terms of length!! and of course; There it is. Lily's final piece of the puzzle. As always tell me what you think, thoughts and theories especially are welcome after this one, there's quite a lot to think about lol.**

**As always, do make my day and review!! Only thirty more and I'll finally have reached my goal of five hundred!!!! :D :D :D If you make that happen, I will love you forever and ever!!!**

**Too tired to write any more. *sigh* must sleep… -_-**

**Finish up by saying, Read Review oh and if to fancy, check out the blog. **

**Lots a luv**

**Lili  
**

**PS: I apologise now for any spelling and grammar mistakes. Due to my lateness, I only proof-read this once instead of my usual three times before posting. I'l try to go through it again tomorrow but for now, bear with me :)**


	18. Chapter 18

**Hello everybody.**

**I'm not really sure when to start. I'm so late with this story that most of you must have surely given up on me by now, very understandably I do add. For all those who haven't I say thank you and more especially to every person, or well "friend " really, who sent me messages during what was a slightly difficult period. Thanks too to everybody who defended my honour against my first "flame " review ;) It was sweet of all of you really, and I admit it made me giggle rather evilly. But I must say that ****LaZyLuNaTiC**** really is within her rights to hate my story lol and I don't bear any grudge. It's a little difficult because, to be fair she did make a few points that were actually valid, so a thank you to her, at least for adding to my review count ;) You guys know how greedy I am when it comes to reviews. But all those people who defended me, it really was well fab of you and made me laugh and feel loads better. THANK YOU!! ****J**

**To everyone who read my note at the end of « Taster: Tears of Gold " I want to let you all know, I am NOT in the deepest **** of my entire life. I repeat NEGATIVE, Houston ;) But cheers again lol for all your support. You were really quite incredible. I dedicate this very very very late chapter to you guys.**

**Other newsflash is that Tomorrow, I FINALLY move in to my own apartment!!! :D !!!!! Yes!!!!! No more 4 hours of bus rides a day, no more weekends at home(sigh) , no more Mum's WONDERFUL cooking (AHHHHHHHH) Which should hopefully mean that this story is getting back on track. ****J**

**My one last word to everybody is "read and enjoy " and of course, as ever,**

**Love you all so so much**

**Lili**

* * *

All Over Again: Chapter 18

Happy. That was what he was; there was no other word for it. Floating on air. Over the moon. Albeit a stag rather than the more usual cow. " Aux Anges " , cloud nine, the list went on. He was happy.

That was the problem.

It was all Prongs fault really, James defended himself to his sceptical subconscious. The stag part of HIM had only two mindsets; nervous or happy, and right now, under the night sky, over the misty grounds, it was definitely the latter that held it firmly in its grasp. For the stag, the moonlit velvet-soft grass, the fresh autumn breeze and the feeling of flexing muscles and rippling fur as he ran; it was enough to make the world seem perfect. But deeper down, the saner, human part of his brain was vaguely aware that this bliss was not fully Prong's and that this overwhelming happiness was uncalled for, unwise even, and the wariness was a constant presence beneath the bubbling giddiness.

Because the rational part of his mind knew full well that the knowledge that he had fallen head over heels in love all over again with Lily Evans, was not cause for celebration.

But he was in love. James was in love and Prongs was under twinkling stars; both could only dance for joy.

The white moon smiled down upon the stag's soft greyness, turning it the purest silver as it cantered and frolicked over the sweeping plain that dipped down to finally meet the edge of the black lake. The words seemed to pound to the rhythm of his hooves; he loved her, he loved her. Again. Or maybe he'd simply never stopped.

The question was thought provoking enough to make him pause, a silver silhouette against the night sky. Was that really the answer? The feelings had somehow endured despite everything that had happened in the past twelve months. Pushed aside, ignored, repulsed with all his strength but always holding on, hanging in there? It was a disturbing idea. James knew that he loved her, there was no more doubt in his twin mind. But to have loved her for so long, despite a hatred for the redhead stronger had he had ever known himself capable of, it indicated something more. Something deeper and enduring. It was a thought that had only crossed his mind once before. That night. The last night.

* * *

_Flashback_

_"Besides Miss, I'm on a contract never to hurt you."_

_She smiled up at him curiously and he grinned down at her, loving the way she cocked her head to the side like a small bird, eyes bright and inquiring, lips pressed together in thought. She was, well…PERFECT damm her. _

_Somewhere in his apparently malfunctioning brain he realized his smile was more soppy than cool, he was practically cooing for Merlin's Sake, but the thought that would have once repulsed him to the point of vomiting, it just didn't really seem to...matter. For the first time ever he WANTED her to know he cared, for some reason, it wasn't something to shrug of with his customary nonchalant arrogance. _

_It was all he could do to keep himself from screaming it out to the whole of Hogwarts right now; he loved her! He, James Henry Potter was in love. He was bouncing and beaming like a twat and it had never felt so right. _

_But she was waiting for an answer and he focused his eyes back on her elf-like features, smirking mischievously as she tried and failed to hide her impatience. His eyes gleamed but he obliged and carried on._

_"When I first went out with you I had to swear that this was for real. Sirius was as ruffled and flustering as a mother hen, you should have seen him. I think his exact words were… 'If you ever break her heart, I'll draw and quarter you and feed you to M… to the nearest werewolf.'"_

_The word "Moony" was pulled back through his teeth at the last moment. James swore inwardly. There were slight complications though to these feelings; first and foremost this alien longing to tell her everything about him, to share the world and more with her, it made him speak without thinking. But that secret wasn't his to tell… _

_He found himself wondering though. What would she think of their illegal activities? Would she flip and turn them all in? No, he didn't believe it. Impressed then? His mind warmed to the idea, licking his lips at the tempting thought of her admiration, before she brought him back out of his rocket-speed thoughts with an incredulous laugh._

_"Seriously? He said that about me?" The pleasure made her eyes sparkle deliciously, and James felt the smallest twinge of jealously that Sirius, not him, had been the one to provoke it._

_"Yeah. In other words, God help me if I fuck up; I'm not sure he'd ever forgive me."_

_He twisted his lips into his customary smirk; thank God she didn't notice how forced the action really was. _

_Sirius. _

_His brother, his best friend, his twin. The person he would lie for, lose for, kill and die for. _

_The person he had betrayed. _

_All for his ego. All because of the horror and fury his humiliation at her hands had provoked. Sirius to whom he had sworn an oath, one more binding than an unbreakable vow because it was based on trust and love, rather than fear. An oath that he had been intending to break before even making it. An oath that had been a farce, a lie. A lie Sirius would kill him for, whilst tearing out his own heart in the process. The guilt and shame send an invisible shudder up his spine. He'd risked so much, all for his petty reputation._

_"Does that mean you're not allowed to break up with me either then." _

_There was a slight pause before he looked back down at her, smiling despite his previous thoughts at the way she said the words so nonchalantly as she pretended she wasn't even interested in the answer. Her pride was endearing and warmed his eyes and his heart with love. Surely the end justified the means. Whatever he had done, it had to be worth it. If he hadn't made the greatest betrayal of his life, he would have missed out on it's greatest blessing; Lily._

_"Worried you might be stuck with me forever?"_

_His innocent question made her blush adorably and she dropped her eyes to the floor. James smiled to himself with a rush of pleasure at the hope he'd caught in those impossibly green emeralds before she ducked her copper head. She was praying the laughter in his voice was for show, that there was sincerity hiding behind the smirking lips and to his own slight surprise, James realized that there was._

_"Forever's an awfully long time."_

_Her voice was small, shy, and touched with the barest hint of a question. She was giving him the chance to pull back the promise that he'd almost hinted at. The promise for something more, something deeper and longer and enduring. _

_It was sweet and brave and so Lily that somehow he fought back the slight panic that had flared at the thought of binding himself to something so permanent. The urge to run while he had the chance was suppressed, the sudden burst of fear at the thought of losing his precious freedom, dulled and disappeared. She was being the Gryffindor, the brave one, the one ready to sacrifice her wishes for the happiness of others. He was being a coward, balking at the thought of being tied down like a frightened horse. It wasn't fair to her. How could he truthfully say he loved her if he refused even the barest hint of commitment. She deserved better than that. And he knew deep down that it was stupid. He loved her and wanted to never let her go. What else was there to say._

_She was staring straight ahead still, he could sense it without even looking, just as he could hear her stuttering heartbeat loud as a base drum, sense the mixture of fear and longing coming off her skin in waves. It made him hate himself for making her worry as she waited for an answer and helped him find the courage to whisper the words he almost didn't dare speak, quiet and shy and for her ears alone._

_"Not with you."_

* * *

It seemed so long ago now, and yet somehow nothing had changed. She was still special, still different to every other girl he'd ever met. The kind of girl you didn't fuck up with, the kind you held on to, waited for sex for until she was one hundred percent ready. Even the kind you brought home to meet the parents, not that that was actually necessary in this case, James remembered ruefully; even if he wasn't in love with her, his Mum would have probably just adopted the girl instead. Safe behind Prong's joy though, the thought that usually hurt, couldn't do more than make him laugh at the irony of fate.

James reared up on his hind legs, cajoling to the white moon with all his typical impudence, tossing back his silken head in silent laughter before pounding his front hooves back to the earth and setting off in a full-out gallop. Muscles clenched and contracted, oozing power and speed and for the thousandth time he wondered at how lucky he was to have this.

Every Animagi form had it's own strengths and weakness, of course, for the obvious reason that so did every person. He envied Sirius his incredible sense of smell, his huge tearing canines, his black shaggy beauty, just as he envied Peter his size and stealth that enabled him to go everywhere and anywhere unnoticed. Peter was the perfect spy; who would ever notice a rat. Or smell one. James laughed inwardly as his giddiness made the pitiful pun seem hilarious. He felt intoxicated, drunk on happiness, or maybe just drunk on her. Her laugh, her smile, the wicked sparkle in her eye, the blistering put-downs that so often hovered on her lips as she fought the desire to murder him for one thing or another. She was perfect. And she would be his, even if it cost him his life. He didn't want it without her.

Lily Evans.

His love. His soul mate. His opposite and his other half. He would tell her tomorrow, after their dancing lessons, or during them if the moment arose. Another rush of happiness, this time mixed with anticipation; he would teach her the waltz first, his arm snaked around her tiny waist, their hands pressed together as he twirled her delicious body gracefully around the room. She would bite her lip in concentration, flush that tempting rose as she stepped on his foot before his affectionate laughter would draw her emerald eyes shyly up to his and he would kiss her because she would look so beautiful it would be physically painful not to.

Prongs galloped faster, the hazel orbs he kept from his human form, shining in excitement. He'd tell her he forgave her for the bet, he wouldn't even ask her to say sorry, she loved him now, he was sure of it, the past was over, it didn't matter, not when the present was perfect. The grass whistled beneath his hooves, the black trees that signalled the boundaries of the forbidden forest, flash past him faster than the naked human eye could see. Faster. Faster. He wasn't even sure where he was going, but he followed the curve of the mirror-like water, each pound bringing him closer to the castle itself, each breath quickening his speed further still.

He saw it.

Prongs slowed to a trot and the huge branches waved to him in welcome. The tree. Their tree. He hadn't even realised that this was where he had been headed but now he was here, he couldn't think of anywhere else to be this night of all nights. A question flickered in the depths of his half-human mind. Should it be here? Should he bring her here to confess as he had planned to all those months ago. He seemed suddenly fitting, the idea pulling him irresistibly. The tree had been a silent observer though every twist and turn in there relationship; would this final step would before complete without it? Plus he had something to complete, a final symbol that needed drawing on the huge rough, trunk. A promise to fulfil. A vow to make.

Just like that James wanted to see it. He hadn't visited this spot since that morning. In the beginning it had simply hurt too much, then, as his anger and hatred had escalated, he'd blocked out all thoughts of his earlier feelings for the girl that had broken him. Seeing, even thinking about the letters he'd carved into the heavy oak, eyes bright and sparkling in the morning sun, his body still tingling from her touch; it would made it all too real once more.

But now, now he wanted it to be real again. He'd grown up, he was stronger now, physically and mentally. He could face the past. Prongs eyes sparkled ruefully as his Headmasters words echoed in his duel mind.

_" You have extraordinary gifts James, and I cannot allow such a talent to go to waste simply because you refuse to accept the past and face the future. " _

He was facing them now. The old codger had been right. Change WAS coming whether James liked it or not, age and reality forcing him to grow up however hard he fought their pull. He needed her, like air and sunshine, and fighting it was as fruitless as fighting time itself. Just five hundred yards more. Four. Three. And then…

He saw it. The movement. Heard the rustle as a sheaf of silver was thrown back over a white shoulder.

Prongs slowed to halt as the moonlight lit up the piquant face, the waterfall of gleaming strands for once cold and unfamiliar, their habitual copper all put out. Her white skin like sweet silk in the bask of the moon. The diamonds slipping down cheeks of an angel. His angel.

Lily.

What was she doing here? All on her own? She could freeze! The stupid little fool! How dare she be so reckless! What was so bad that she had to cry out here to the stars….

Suddenly the thought registered. She was crying. His love, his flower. The diamonds illuminating her huge almond eyes were tears of hurt and pain and sadness. Why? Who, HOW? The words turned over and over in his human mind and the panic seeped through even Prongs joy. Nervousness replaced bliss. The stag was skittish, it wanted to turn around and flee, run somewhere safe, away from this human who made him scared. But the animal instinct was pushed aside as easily as a fly.

James stared in horror at her crumpled form, the feeling of helplessness leaving him frighteningly paralyzed. He couldn't betray his friends. She couldn't know. How could he explain his presence out here in the middle of the night? Coincidence? She'd never buy it. Worry then? He'd panicked when she hadn't come in to dinner and had come in search for her. The last shreds of his ego protested as he cringed inwardly at the thought. Not a particularly manly option James, running out into the freezing cold for a chick he was supposed to hate.

Another tear ran down to her pointed chin only to fall and soak into her white shirt. A third missed and dropped to the hard ground, silently to human ears, but to Prongs as loud as the thump of a dragon's tail. It made up his mind.

The stag reared once, legs flailing to the sky before crashing back to earth and breaking into a run. The sound of his hooves pounded in James head, again and again, till the largest of the twisted boughs was barely a meter from the tips his antlers. She was looking at him though, she was moving, pulling herself unsteadily to her feet and he took the opportunity to slip silently around the back of the great trunk.

Prongs stood there for the briefest moment. Changing into a stag was now as easy as taking a breath; changing back however that was another story. As always the desire to stay pulled irresistibly at his mind, begging him to let go, coaxing him away from the human command to retransform. So unbearably tempting and, just as always, James found himself remembering the very first words he'd ever read after deciding to begin this most dangerous of quests.

_" The process of becoming an Animagous, or the transformation at will into animal form, is one of the dangerous and most difficult of all known magic and must therefore only be attempted after years of training and both physical and mental preparation. This preparation is essential not necessarily for the transformation itself but rather the control needed to prevent the losing of ones self in the animal mind. For to return to human form after tasting the delights of the Animagous is most perilous and most difficult test of mental strength in existence. "_

The familiar shiver ran up the stag's spine as James acknowledged for the thousandth time just how much he and the others had underestimated those words. His worst nightmares still rang with the squeals of his smallest friend, the guilt still hung over him like a hangman's noose as he remembered watching helpless as Peter had so nearly been overwhelmed by the animal mind, how he and Sirius had had to force him back to human form with a spell to prevent him from scurrying into the gutter forever. It had been a wake-up call for the four teenagers, a much-needed reminder of the magnitude of the magic they were delving into with all of youth's typical arrogance. Practice had made a world of difference and after a month, even Peter had managed to resist the appeal of the animal mind, but it was still there, James acknowledged, still tangible even after more than two years had lapsed. The siren call, luring him back to the bliss, the gaiety and the easiness. Because as Prongs, he could escape. As Prongs nothing could hurt him save the bite of tooth or claw or cold steel.

As Prongs, he was free.

But the tears rolling down Lily's cheeks were reason and more for James to brush away the lingering pull as easily as cobweb. His love was in pain and love gave him the strength to force the stags form back into his human shell, swifter then he'd ever done before. A mere moment passed and he was James once more.

The loneliness hit like a tidal wave but it was expected now and no longer brought him to his knees in inexplicable sorrow. The feeling losing of part of oneself was the final trial; many a wizard went mad from the initial shock and pain of half of their consciousness slipping suddenly into nothing. Only immense inner strength could pull one through that first time, the first loss, the first heartbreak. From then on experience would temper the suffering, and James had almost two and half years of it.

The first step was, as always, unsteady, the next a little less so, until finally he was touching the rough bark of the tree with his outstretched fingertips as he peered cautiously around the huge girth.

She had moved in the brief time it had taken him to turn back into his human form; her sylph-like silhouette was black against the silver lake, her face hidden from view. Only heightened senses such as his would have realised she was crying; the shake of her shoulders was barely visible to the naked eye, the catch in her throat as she gasped for breath audible only to him.

James couldn't bear it any longer. His foot rose from the damp grass, the first step towards her pitifully small and fragile figure. Then she spoke.

* * *

The drop hit the glassy water with the faintest of splashes. Lily followed the ripples with her eyes, the fine contours ever widening until they spanned out of sight, before her lids finally closed over two shining orbs. The words still hung in the air, tense and angry and hurt. There was still so much she burned to say, so much she yearned to scream and yell and cry. Anger, pain, betrayal still warred in her heart, fuelling the hatred.

It couldn't go on, she realised. She had to choose. So much loathing and love intermingled was too much for one person to bear. Lily felt her feet balanced on the edge of a knife. This was a turning point. It had to be. They couldn't continue how they were. They would have to stumble sooner or later, fall to one side or the other.

If she hated him then loving him wasn't an option. It would tear her up inside. It would have to be a clean break. She could never think about him again. Never sigh with longing as his wicked grin made his eyes sparkle with unholy mirth. Never blush as those hazel orbs would suddenly darken to black until they would smoulder into her soul, sending her head spinning. No more battles of words, no more stolen kisses of pent-up passion, no more THEM.

A half laugh broke from her throat, and the bitter self-mocking sound cut through the silent night air. Who was she kidding? Without THEM there wasn't…HER.

The smile softened as she drew up the image of his face, the memories of them together. She couldn't let him go. He was part of her. IN her. Her other half. She could sooner cut out a lung. She needed him. He was her air, her sunshine and her rain. They were matched, soul mates. How could even think about living without him. They'd tried it once and look where it had got them.

Lily squeezed her eyes tight and then relaxed the muscles, lifting her small face to the moon. The Lady of the night smiled down at her with all the loving mockery of wisdom, as the redhead finally understood the truth that had been under her nose all along.

Without him, without James, there simply was no Lily.

Her white lids snapped open, and the emeralds sparkled with a new burning determination. She would tell him. Tell him she wanted him, tell him she needed him. Lily took a deep breath.

She would tell him she loved him.

The burst of pain took her by surprise and made her gasp. The last time they'd ventured near the forbidden L-word, everything had collapsed around them. It had been the death-blow to their relationship, the breaking point. Could she face that word again?

Another knife-thrust of anger made her grit her teeth. Could he? That was more the question. Last time he'd flung it back in her face. Lily bared her small white teeth in the moonlight, her eyes sparkling with an angry fire before suddenly letting out a sigh. She looked down to see her white fingers clenched into fists, one of many outward signs of the painful mixture of fury and resentment that still twisted her insides whenever she thought of his betrayal. She couldn't help it, the wound still stung, her hatred flaring from coals to a roaring blaze at the memories.

It couldn't work, she realised. If she really wanted to love him, she couldn't keep hurting and hating about the past. She had to live in the here and now. Either his betrayal was too great and forgiveness impossible, or she had to move on and let go of the hatred. Another twisted half-smile. She'd already established she couldn't live without him. What other choice then was there?

The moon seemed to glow with approval as she came to the conclusion, the one that had probably been obvious right from the start. But doing the deed wasn't as easy as saying the words. There was still so much anger in her, anger that had never been let out and that as such threatened always to explode at any moment. It was anger she had to let go of if she wanted this to work.

Suddenly an idea came to her, and it brought a brighter smile to her lips. Sure it was childish, she smirked to the night, but hey, what the heck. Lily's eyes twinkled. It was all in the name of love.

Her chest filled with oxygen as quick as lightening she drew the deepest of breaths, putting her plan into action before the embarrassment was enough to change mind. Her hands rose to cup her mouth as she yelled out over the startled lake.

" I HATE YOU JAMES POTTER!!! "

Her breath caught in her throat, she gasped as all the pent-up emotions rose in her gorge like bile and she couldn't help it, they all came spilling out.

" You were an arrogant, womanising piece of shit James!!! I hate you!!! I hate you with every fibre of my being!!! You stupid cheating bastard!!! You deserved the bet James!!! A thousand times over you deserved it you git!! "

She paused to breath, her eyes glassy with tears that she refused to let fall. Her voice lowered, softer but still audible.

" I would do it all over again, James, because you fucking deserved it. And I hope it tore you to shreds!! I hope it hurt!! "

The last words were a whisper, filled with the last shreds of two years of pain and hurt.

" I hope it killed you. " The second half was only in her mind.

Like it did me.

* * *

" It did."

Lily almost collapsed with shock as a voice cut smooth and velvety from mere meters behind her. She spun, eyes wide with panic as somehow her body recognised those beautiful tones before even her mind did. Her skin was already tingling with dread, her hands trembling as somehow, somewhere she new that something had gone horribly, horribly wrong.

His face was in shadow but as she turned he took a step forward from his place behind the huge trunk so that the silver moonlight was thrown across his features, and for a brief moment Lily's mind seemed to go blank as she stared in open-mouthed longing at his beauty. Then sense returned and her eyes picked out his expression with growing horror.

His face was carefully composed, smooth and emotionless as his voice, but his eyes, his eyes were terrible.

The hazel orbs were black, cold and yet blazing all at once, roaring with an inner struggle between the fury that was almost overcoming his self-control.

For a moment they simply held each other's gaze. Then, in a movement so fast Lily couldn't even follow it, his right arm flew up, his wand was suddenly outstretched and her cry of anguish tore through the night as the huge burning ball of flame tore through the air towards the black trunk of the old oak.

The tree groaned in pain, and Lily felt her heart echo the cry. She could only stare, helpless as the tendrils of fire ate their way into the bark and the acrid smell of burning sap filled her nostrils. Then reality sunk in and, in panic, she ran to the moaning oak, wincing against the lingering heat and peering through the black smoke, praying for it not to be true. Please, please no...

Lily felt her heart stop and her emerald eyes filled with tears once again.

Where the two initials had once been, there was now only a charred black circle of burnt wood. He'd destroyed it, the last physical proof of what they'd had together. Gone.

Her hair flashed silver in the moonlight as she swung back around to face him, her eyes filled with horror at what he'd done. He looked back at her, cold and hard and unyielding, his lower lip curling slowly in disgust at the obvious pain on her face.

She stared at him silently, her lips parted in wordless agony. His eyes met hers one final time and James spoke, for the first allowing his own hurt and anger to lace his words.

" Dancing lessons at nine o clock tomorrow, Evans. "

His flawless lips twisted into his darkest sneer and he turned, his parting shot thrown back viciously over his shoulder.

" If you can bear the torture! "

The boy walked away. The girl fell to her knees in his wake, arms clasped around her shaking chest, the flesh of her lip giving way beneath the clench of her white, bitter teeth.

A drop fell to the ground, just the one, but this time Lily didn't wipe her eyes. And when the blood trickled down her chin once again, this time, she made no move to catch it.

* * *

It was time. The clock ticking irritatingly on the stone wall of her bedroom said so. As did the black leather and crystal watch at her wrist and the thud of her racing heartbeat. They all knew it and obviously so did she. The only difference was that she was trying desperately NOT to know it.

Lily lifted her chin, trying with all her might for the defiance that normally characterised the gesture and strode with deliberate casualness towards the oak door. She was being ridiculous. She was Lily Evans, Head Girl, Gryffindor Chaser, top of her class and third in her year. She was afraid of nothing, especially not some guy. She could soooooo do this. Her white hand closed firmly around the golden knob, she took a deep steadying breath and her arm muscles clenched ready to push…before running back and flinging herself onto the four-poster bed.

Argh!!!! No, no, NO!! That was not supposed to happen!! Oh God, how was she ever going to do this? How could she face him after last night? After what he must of heard, what he must THINK of her!

The red and gold duvet tickled her nose and she lifted her head, turning it to the side to stare glumly at her own reflection. The Lily in the floor-length mirror was one of the most pitiful sights she ever remembered seeing. The copper frizz she'd tried so hard to tame into sleek bangs were as wild as they had been when she'd started, her cheeks were flushed, her nose was red as a clown's and the expression in her dull green eyes were tragic enough to bring a Billy-wig down to earth with a thud. Pathetic. Her plan for tempting and coaxing him out of his white-hot fury was not looking promising. She looked like Albert Einstein gone auburn.

Lily rolled onto her back and gazed up at the ceiling with depression written over every inch of her face. Having finally admitted to wanting him back, the feelings of embarrassment and self-consciousness were suddenly attacking with a vengeance she hadn't felt in over a year. The hateful desire to have him want her, to make him lust for her and of course to love her, she'd forgotten how complicated it made everything.

The redhead and pulled herself of the bed to eye her reflection hopelessly once more. What did one wear to dancing lessons anyway? Did one tie their hair or leave it down? And most of all, why was she even bothering to worry about her appearance when the guy was probably somewhere throwing darts at her portrait in his fury. Hexes even. He was probably never going to speak to her again and she was worrying about her damn make-up. Grow up girl.

Another glance at the clock on the wall reminded her that being late probably wasn't the best way to calm him down either and so with a dissatisfied huff, she walked over to the door and purposefully turned the handle, for all the world as though her fingers weren't shaking like leafs in a wind-storm.

The thud of her heartbeat seemed louder than a base drum and in a irrepressible panic that he would somehow hear it, Lily found her self launching into a high-speed, garbled apology for her lateness.

"I'm sorry!! I know I'm five minutes late and I swore I wouldn't be but, well my alarm you see, it just didn't…"

The redhead suddenly stopped mid-word and stared blankly round the Heads Common Room that was…empty? Lily's brows descended, flummoxed as well as suddenly worried by the absence of the boy who had been in her thoughts ever since the night before. She was only five minutes late, surely he couldn't have already left. He wouldn't…Her green eyes spun blankly around the room, unsure of what to do, how to act. Nine o clock he'd said, she was sure of it. But he wasn't coming. He couldn't even bear the sight of her, and after what he'd overheard the night before, could she really blame him.

Still it stung, inexplicable tears burning her eye and she squeezed them tightly shut to stop them leaking. She didn't deserve to cry, this was her mistake, her stupidity. But she'd been so hoping to be able to apologize, to explain. She'd rehearsed the words a thousand times and cringed a thousand more, all night long as she thought of the anger and the searing hurt in his golden eyes. He wouldn't even let her say them. She'd lost him all over again.

Lily swayed, her head suddenly swimming in the agony the realisation had brought on. The room blurred as her eyes filled, her lip was being torn in two by the pressure of her teeth as she clenched them in despair when suddenly a knock on the Portrait Hole made her turn as one drunk to stare in a pathetic mixture of hope and bewilderment towards the round door.

She staggered forward and managed to grasp the gold handle, taking a brief moment to blink back the unshed tears and steady her trembling knees. Then the heavy oak swung open and her heart leapt at the sight of ebony hair gleaming in the morning sunshine as he pushed away form the window and turned to look at her.

Deep violet orbs met hers and despair finally pulled her under. Lily slumped and Sirius' eyes widened in sudden alarm as his angel swayed and would fallen had he not caught her in his brown arms.

"Lily!! What the…? "

Her copped head lolled against his chest and his fingers went to her chin pulling her head up, stroking her icy cheek in panic.

"Come on, talk to me Lils!! Wake up dammit!! "

Her eyes opened, and relief squeezed the Hogwarts heartthrob's chest, but it was short lived as his brain registered the agony in his angels emerald orbs. Her whole body was trembling slightly, but she was awake at least.

Lily silently scolded herself at her own weakness. God what would Moniqua say to see her bawling her eyes out like a three year old. She was better than this. And she'd sworn. No more crying. Not any more.

The girl drew away and Sirius loosened his grip on her with a sigh of relief. Sure he was not in the best of moods with his angel but seeing her so obviously hurting was still not…not fun. Whatever she'd said or done last night, it couldn't have been deliberate. She loved him. One only had to look at the pain and self-loathing in her glistening eyes to realize that. He sighed, and as she raised her eyes to stare miserably up into his face, he shook his head ruefully and pushed her gently forward into the Heads Common Room, saying softly

"Come on Lils. Inside with you. "

She walked through the door and to the middle of the room without a word, before coming to halt with her back still towards him. There she simply waited, head hanging and fists lightly clenched at her sides. Sirius felt another twinge of pain twist his gut. The need to walk over there and drag her into his arms and whisper that everything would be alright was unbearable. But he couldn't. Not unless she opened up to him first. Because he wasn't supposed to know, wasn't supposed to have any idea that the pair had once more torn each other's heart to pieces. He couldn't tell her. It was a secret. And it wasn't his to tell.

* * *

_Flashback_

* * *

_Pain. Anger. Heartbreak. Back to pain. All twisting inside his mind, burning into the deepest recesses of his screaming brain. She didn't regret it. She would do it all over again. The words pounded to the rhythm of Prong's gallop. He meant nothing to her. She still hated him. And he was in love with her. She'd won. Once more she'd stomped all over him, crushed him and spat on him and broken whatever remained of his poor bruised and beaten heart . _

_And he'd let her._

_The stag galloped faster. Running was good. Maybe he could leave the pain behind. Maybe he could loose it in the darkness. But the agony followed him, however fast his hooves beat into the soft ground and James, tired and betrayed and broken, gave in to the temptation the stag mind offered him. He dove into the animal consciousness, and as the human in him let go, sinking blissfully into the sweet safety of oblivion, one last word reverberated around his head as he gasped it silently to the sad eye of the moon._

_"Help… "_

* * *

_Pain. _

_Sharp, burning pain that had the boy suddenly doubled over clutching, white-knuckled at the white cotton that covered his shoulder and the tiny black image beneath. The house-elf beside him that still stood there holding a tray of snacks, gasped in shock and, a minute later, fifty of the little creatures were pressing around him, their globular eyes wider even than usual and concern etched onto each wrinkled face. _

_"Sir! Sir!! "_

_"Is Sir unwell? Should Totty call somebody… "_

_"No!! "_

_The mousy head lifted and the blue eyes snapped open, filled with determination and worry despite the pain that made him want to wince. Every house-elf in the school kitchens pushed and bustled around him, offering food, water, help, but he shook his head impatiently._

_"No, I've got to go. I'm fine really. Thanks. "_

_A moment later he was running, running as fast as his slightly short legs could carry him, out the door, through the tapestry, down the corridor, along a landing, down three flights of stairs, all the while his teeth pressed into his lip in both exhaustion and worry. _

_James...._

* * *

_Anger. _

_The feeling blazed through Remus' entire being. The dreaded emotion. The key to the shackled monster's chains. Fire coursing through his veins, tearing through his limbs as he fought to restrain the suddenly awakened beast that slept within him. The fire tore through his chest until finally stopping at his shoulder, concentrating in the patch of black ink etched into his skin. _

_The ferocity took the were-wolf's breath away and the five girls who had clustered around his table in the darkest corner of the Gryffindor Common Room, staggered back in fear as, for the briefest of moments, the monster triumphed. _

_The boy's amber eyes darkened with a bestial fury, his fingers clenched and spasmed as Remus fought the unexpected attack with all his might, focusing on the image of the one person for whom he had to win. The person who needed him now as he had never needed him before, not since that morning…_

_Focus Remus!! Tousled black hair. Golden eyes. That damned impudent smirk. He had to help him. Had to save him…_

_James...._

* * *

_Heartbreak._

_The slim blue-eyed blond cried out suddenly in shock and pain as white teeth sank viciously into the skin of her neck that the boy had been busy decorating with kisses. He didn't seem to realise her discomfort or if he did he didn't care. They stayed there, white pearls still pressing into her shoulder as Sirius silently battled with the agony that was all of a sudden burning through his very soul. Breath was forced between his flawless lips that were parted in a silent snarl, his eyes seemed to blaze like blue fires in the blackness of the broom cupboard and for a full minute the school heartthrob couldn't even move. Emotions were flooding through him, emotions he'd never felt before, that weighed a thousand times heavier than the sting of his throbbing tattoo. _

_Sadness and hurt seemed to fill his chest until he was sure that it was going to burst. A human heart simply couldn't handle it, couldn't contain so many feelings and survive. Something was going to break, something that Sirius Black had sworn he'd lost a long long time ago. _

_The girl stared at her lover in bewilderment, eyes wide and suddenly frightened as for the first time in Hogwarts history, one single sparkling tear slipped out of Sirius Black's famously dry eyes. A trembling, brown hand crept up and touched the wet skin of his cheekbone and was drawn back. Sirius stared at the moisture on his fingers as one stunned. So this was what it felt like. To have one's heart ripped out, stomped on and torn cruelly in two._

_All at once, the violet orbs darkened and without another word he turned and threw open the cupboard door, fingers scrambling frantically at the zipper of his flies before moving on to the undone buttons of his shirt. The girl called after him, trying to cover her exposed body but he didn't even hear her voice. One word pounded through his head, like fists on a wall, and his feet quickened again and again to the rhythm, as the terror clawed its way from his heaving chest to his throat. He could feel the bile rising, imagine the panic on his own face that was never anything but composed, as a thousand questions spun through his frightened mind._

_James...._

* * *

_"Padfoot! "_

_Sirius turned on his heel mere meters from the old oak side-door, the voice registering through his panic as that of someone to be answered. Peter skidded to a wheezing halt and doubled over, hands gripping his knees for support as he caught his breath but a second later his eyes locked with his fellow Marauder's, wide and frightened and worried._

_"Moony? "_

_The word was a question and Sirius replied just as abruptly as he turned back towards the door_

_"He'll be here. The cloak is up in the dorm so he's got seven flights of stairs to get down.. "_

_Peter nodded, his chest no longer heaving quite so much, but his voice still worried as he asked _

_"Should we wait… "_

_The strong brown hand nearly knocked the boy over as it clamped like iron over his mouth, dragging him irresistibly behind a nearby suit of armour. The alarm on Peter's face faded almost immediately but the pale blue orbs stared up over his shoulder at his friend with a mixture of both impatience and curiosity, silently questioning the action._

_Sirius made no move, his violet gaze burned into the oak door without blinking, without speaking, barely even breathing. He didn't have long to wait. Only a moment later it creaked as somebody heaved against the heavy wood and pushed it open from the outside. _

_The two boys held their breath, both silently berating the absence of the invisibility cloak that made their night-time exertions remarkably less complicated. The shadow was all that they were counting on to save their skins. Then the intruder stepped through the stone archway and Sirius Black's brown hand fell to his side._

_Lily stumbled into the small entrance as one blind, and one swift searing gaze was enough for Sirius to take in the mud on her skirt, the black smears of mascara that ran from her swollen eyes down her snow-white cheeks. White hands too, as they reached out weakly to push the wooden slab shut behind her, and the sight of her pitiful trembling figure was more than Sirius could stand. _

_His jaw set and the boy moved when suddenly a body slammed into him, shoving him back into the wall. Two forget-me-not blue fires ignited and blazed down into Peter's blue ones, anger that the fourth Marauder hadn't seen in years. There was madness in those violet pools, madness and murder and the smaller boy couldn't help but swallow. But James was out there, James was hurting and James needed his brothers. _

_Peter glared up into his friends faced, wincing slightly from the enormous effort it was taking to keep the black-hired boy safely hidden behind the suit of armour and whispered, fierce and pleading._

_"Prongs is out there! He's losing Padfoot! "_

_"I have to go to her. Look at her, he needs me! "_

_"And so does James! You can't help them both. Not tonight. One has to come first. "_

_The mousy haired boy loosened his grip ever so slightly, but his gaze hardened, the slightest hint of anger and reproach darkening his pale eyes as he stared grimly up at his friend._

_"Who's is to be Sirius? "_

_Sirius snarled at the boy silently, his fists clenching and trembling with the force of his anger and he turned his gaze back to the shivering redhead. He watched her shakily push herself away from the support of the door and a lump stuck in his smooth brown throat. He watched her square her small shoulders, lift her chin in that adorably defiant way that was and would ever be hers and hers alone and his lips parted as silent screams of agony tore through his soul . He watched her walk away, arms wrapped tightly around her fragile little body as though it was about to simply break in any moment. He watched her slip silently round the corner and out of sight._

_Sirius sank to the floor head in his hands as the self-loathing took hold and threatened to pull him under. But James needed him. His brother, his twin, the other half of his soul. And James came first, would always come first and he begged to the Gods above that one day Lily would forgive him for it._

_Peter simply looked down at him, pity in his gaze but also hurt. Sirius had been inches away from abandoning one of his friends, one of his brothers. A Marauder. And not just any Marauder but his best friend in the world all for the girl. A girl who had torn out his best mate's heart. It was true that he hadn't been able to actually do it, but this was James. What it had been Remus? Or himself? Would they have just been abandoned for the redhead? He tried to push the thought aside, now wasn't the time or the place. James was in trouble. They had to go. But, he little voice in his head still whispered. Yes. Yes, she would have come first._

_"Padfoot? "_

_Two heads, black and blond, turned at the unexpected yet welcome voice. Remus' face was pale and taught as it hung suspended in mid-air at the end of the corridor, but he moved quick and smooth to join the pair by the door to the outside world. The sight of a disembodied human head bobbing at normal height was an unusual one even for Hogwarts and most students would have run screaming in the opposite direction. But the invisibility cloak and it's highly useful effects were no longer cause for even comment from the Marauders, and tonight more than ever, the three boys had so much more important things on their minds._

_"You ok? " The question was distracted but still worried as Remus glanced at his friend who was still crouched on the stone slabs. Sirius nodded. His expression was less than convincing but before either of his companions had time to comment, the school heartthrob stood with one tense swift movement and pulled the heavy door sharply open. _

_"You riding Wormtail? "_

_Peter glanced between the two boys slightly nervously but finally settled on Sirius strong back and nodded tersely. Remus pulled the cloak up and tawny head disappeared into nothing, his smooth voice echoing from nowhere as he asked_

_"Do you know where he is, Sirius? "_

_The black-haired boy paused, his tall silhouette framed in the open doorway._

_"No. "_

_The ebony strands gleamed in the moonlight as Sirius took a step forward into the Hogwarts grounds, lifted his arrogant nose to the stars and breathed, deep and long._

_"But Padfoot does. "_

* * *

_The shadow moved faster than the wind across the silver grounds towards the silver lake. A large black shadow with ragged edges so that the hulking outline was almost unrecognisable. Only when the beast stopped, a hundred yards from the waters edge, did it's form become clear, the thick shaggy fur heavy and at ease safe a slight rustling in the night air. The enormous dog lifted it's muzzle from the grass and looked behind, a sign to some invisible companion that it had found what it was looking for. An observer would have been puzzled, spooked even by the strange humanity in the way it nodded it's black head, the inexplicable sadness in those great dark blue eyes so seldom seen in animals._

_A moment later it was off again, huge muscles pounding as it pushed it's speed to ever greater heights, a single mindedness in it's stride and the way it's black nose never turned from the scent it was following. The dog didn't look back. The human was behind him, far enough away yet still following. Nor did Sirius pause. Remus was coming, his human legs aided by the power of the monster within yet still slower than his Animagous friend. He would catch up, his nose was still powerful enough to pick up the scent of the stag despite his human form._

_Suddenly a blur of silver flashed far away, at the very edge of the black forest that seemed to both loom menacingly and yet welcome the miscreants. Padfoot picked up even more speed, only at full sprint could he hope to catch up with the galloping stag. The rat that nestled in the shaggy fur at his scruff squealed in surprise and triumph and bit deeper into his friend's neck to prevent himself from being thrown off. The tiny sound was all but inaudible but the moon was only a week from being full and Remus' sense were waxing stronger with each passing day. Tonight he could have heard Peter's signal from three times the distance. He clutched the invisibility cloak tighter around his gaunt form and pushed his aching muscles harder, the smell of his brother thick in his nostrils spurring him on._

_The stag heard the dog and threw it's silver head back in fright before fleeing. Sirius cursed inwardly, his teeth bared into a frustrated snarl. James had let go. The animal was in charge and it sure as hell didn't like abnormally large creatures of the canine persuasion. This was going to be fun._

_"Closer, me, crawl. "_

_Sirius let back a waft of affirmation towards the rat. Communicating in Animagous forms was an odd, very complicated experience, ideas were given form more by feeling and emotions than actual words. The claustrophobic feeling of dark tunnels, the memory of Peter's rat form smell, the sensation of running up slippery fur. Sirius changed direction slightly to lope out wide and, on cue, the stag curved in to the left, towards the dense line of black that marked the outskirts of the forest. Perfect. _

_It took time and patience but by the time Remus reached the group in the shadow of the tree's, the stag was pinned, trapped between fear of the dark unfriendly forest, and the black hairy dog. He skidded to a stop, chest heaving but eyes fixed on the ripple of the grass as the rat sped towards the nervous stag. Prongs pawed and tossed it's head, eyes wide with empty fear and it reared in alarm as Peter's claws scraped against it's skinned as he shimmied up the muscular leg to sit cautiously on the stags shoulder._

_Everyone was I place, and Sirius gave in to his impatience and reached out towards the creatures mind._

_Fear threw him back like whiplash and he reeled, dazed. Peter watched the dog stagger and leapt into the breach, his whole being calling his friends name, almost inaudible through the scream of terror that attacked his mind. _

_"James!!! Return!! James!! Come James!! Fight!! Come!! "_

_A moment later and Sirius threw his consciousness back into the battle shoving memory after memory of his brother's face into the frightened animal mind, forcing them to stay there, giving them time to take root. But the fear was overwhelming. The anger too, anger and pain that were leaking up from the very deepest depths of the stags consciousness and Sirius leapt on them with renewed strength. Anger was human emotion. It could only come from James himself. Sirius and Padfoot gritted their teeth and chucked themselves deeper into the whirling mass of emotions, trying desperately to send calm and security and reassurance into the vortex of fear. Peter caught his intentions and did the same, holding back the fear just enough to give Sirius enough time to reach their brother. And then…_

_There!! He could feel it. James. A broken, crying, hurting James but still human. Still his brother. The emotional state though sent his mind whirling, and all he could do was force out one emotion towards the frail tendril of humanity. _

_Love._

_No response. Sirius pushed again, harder, desperate._

_Brother. Here. Help. Return. Please._

_Love._

_The tendril of life flickered, the rush of love acting as a shield of warmth between James and the pain, and Sirius redoubled his efforts._

_Come. Return . Marauders. Brothers. Always. _

_The flicker of light strengthened. A gush of hope wafted from it. Hope and then gratitude. A picture of four boys. Four friends. Four brothers. Then James voice echoed through Sirius's mind shaky and weak but so welcome._

_"Marauders "_

_The relief coursed through the Hogwarts heartthrob and dimly he felt the dog's knees go weak. But no, they weren't out of the woods yet. Another word, another scent suddenly burned into Sirius' consciousness like acid. Lily. Then Betrayal. Anger. Hurt. So many emotions suddenly rising and Sirius felt his brother stagger under so much pain. The dog growled and Sirius tightened his grip on his brother. No way was he letting go now._

_Marauders. Sirius threw the word back again, followed by Love. Need. Group. Brothers. Return. And James was fighting. Dragging his own images to the surface, his own memories, fighting for his humanity. Sirius' own face swam in his mind, followed Remus' and Peter's, MJ's, Henry's, Dumbledore's. Only one face was pushed back with all his strength, but Sirius didn't let his thoughts linger on the redhead. _

_Step by step, agony through agony, James won. Peter and Sirius withdrew from their friends mind and watched, exhausted but delirious with relief as the stag shuddered and blurred before forcing itself back into the form of their best friend._

_James swayed on the spot and then collapsed, falling into Remus' outstretched arms, tears already leaking from his tightly closed eyes. The other to boys re-transformed and ran to him. _

_The moon gazed down and shed her own tears. The rain fell sad and straight, till all four boys hair stuck to their necks and even their shoes seemed to be filled with water. But the Marauders never moved, holding their brother as he cried out his soul to the night until there were simply no tears left. _

* * *

During the hour that had followed Sirius had discovered an anger towards his angel that had bordered on hatred, but right now, looking at his darling's shaking form, all he could dredge up was sadness. He didn't know why she'd said those things, especially aware as he was that there hadn't eve, been a bet to begin with, but there had to be an explanation. The pair had been doing so well, he'd been almost sure that they were all but ready to get back together and then… The shaggy black her swayed as the Hogwarts idol sighed. How many times could one couple screw up? This was getting ridiculous.

A muffled sob brought his attention back to the present, and he felt his chest clench as Lily's slim form doubled over in silent spasms. A moment later she in his arms, shhh-ing and soothing as he stroked her auburn head and she clutched at his shirt with pleading fingers. Then her voice came out, choked and thick from somewhere around his left armpit.

"He…he hates me. He'll never…speak to me again. "

"Shhh…Shh. I…you don't know that Lils. I mean…Why? " The surprise in his voice seem pathetically fake even to his own ears but Lily wasn't really in a state to notice.

"I said…awful things…I said I hated him Sirius…I said I'd do the bet all over again. "

"But there wasn't a bet… "

"But I still said it…just like I said I hate him and I don't Sirius, I… "

She shuddered a final time and fell silent, face still hidden in his chest, before she finally whispered

"I love him…more than anything in the world…I was going to tell him… "

The muscular brown arms were suddenly tense around her but his voice was carefully composed as he answered quietly.

"Then…maybe should still… "

"Am I interrupting something? "

Lily tore herself out of Sirius' arm and spun to stare wildly at the boy standing in the doorframe, emerald orbs glowing suddenly in some strange mixture of hope and despair. James looked back at her, his face smooth and calm and expressionless. There was nothing on his face to show that he even remembered the previous night. His hazel orbs were simply brown, brown and lifeless, free of contempt or even anger. Lily gaped at him in confusion. James didn't even blink, his voice calm and perfectly controlled as he walked into the room saying.

"Thanks mate for doing helping me out. "

Lily glanced towards Sirius now uncomfortable looking face in incomprehension, before light suddenly dawned in her red-rimmed eyes and she opened her mouth to protest, but James cut ahead of her.

"Now that Sirius is here, Evans, your dancing lessons can begin. "

* * *

"No ."

The word seemed to hang in the air, heavy as a rock. James froze. Then his head moved slowly to meet the girl's gaze and the infuriating arrogance in that simple turn of his ebony head made her temper flicker into life. One eyebrow lifted, mocking and incredulous, and Lily set her teeth. She was not going to let them go back to this. They had grown up for Pete's sake. This was ridiculous.

"No, Evans? " Still no emotion and the cool unconcern that laced that velvet voice brought a flash of green fire into Lily's eyes.

"No. I said you'd teach me to dance. You swore… "

"And as your teacher I have to follow any method I judge the most effective, do you not agree? "

"Well…yes, but… "

"Then you will do as I say Evans. I toyed with the idea of teaching you one on one to be sure, but after thinking about it fully I realised that my being an outside observer as you might put it, would make it a lot easier to correct errors and bring you up to the standard required in a short a time as possible. If you think you know better then by all be means, be my guest. But if you want my help, then we will do this my way. "

Throughout the entire speech James' voice had remained steadily monotone, so smooth and dull as to almost sound bored by the entire thing. Lily flushed. His tone was free of all emotion, but the words stung with contempt however inaudible. She clenched her fists and turned to Sirius to hide the pain that creased her pale face.

Her darling's eyes were sad and dark but he didn't hold her gaze more than the briefest second, dropping his chin to stare quietly at the scarlet rug as though fascinated by it. Lily felt her heart give another clench. All at once loneliness hit her, cold and hard as it tightened it's grip with crushing ease.

Her emerald eyes closed and then dropped to the floor too, dull and hurting. Sirius looked up, jaw clenched as he stared at her drooping burnished head before sighing and transferring his gaze to his brother. Dark brown irises met his violet gaze, hard and devoid of anything. James nodded and straightened, stirring from his silent battle.

"Let's get on with it. "

* * *

Within five minutes of her first dancing lesson, Lily knew that she loved it. The feeling of spinning round the room, flushed and feather light and FREE, it was something she'd only ever felt before flying on a broomstick. One, two, three. One, two, three…

"Shoulders down and BACK, Evans. "

The odious voice cut through her bliss and Lily's eyes snapped round to glare furiously into James' lightly bored face. Sirius dropped her hand and pulled back, stepping well out of range of the pair's argument.

"They can't go down OR back any bloody further, Potter!! "

He gazed down at her from his infuriating height with the most insufferably mocking expression casually sitting across his beautiful features. He sighed and finally answered, as one dealing with a spoiled and petulant three year old.

"Posture is the key to grace Evans, and at this precise moment you have all the grace and elegance of Hagrid after ten barrels of mead. And it's no use looking towards your precious Sirius. He's the one having to deal with your shoddy footwork and painfully stiff limbs. And even with his skill, he's having trouble making up for your inadequacy."

Her eyes were two emerald fires, blazing up into his cool brown ones.

"You know what James, fuck you! Fuck this! I'm sick of you and your bloody attitude!! And if MJ asks why I can't even dance the Waltz at your precious ball, I hope you'll know just what to tell her!! I'm DONE!!!! "

She swung on her heal and stormed towards the room with her name sprawled across the oak panel in glinting gold. Sirius broke his fixed observation of the roaring fire in alarm and ran to grab her arm.

"Woahh easy, Lils. Cool it. "

Two green balls of flame suddenly scorched into his eyes and made him wince and she yanked her arm out of his clasp. Sirius cringed away from the blast of red-hot anger as she flashed back.

"Get lost Sirius!! Go and find someone who meets his highness' oh so exacting standards. You're both obviously wasting your time on a pathetic little Mudblood like… "

"Silenco! "

Lily broke of mid-rant, emeralds glistening and lip trembling with the beginning of tears as she stared in shock into James suddenly blazing eyes. He marched towards her, wand still raised, face dark and grim and she felt a rush of fear mixed in with the relief of finally having provoked a reaction from him. Sirius stepped a further pace back, wary and cautious as he looked from one to the other before retreating completely, to stand unobtrusively beside the fire.

Lily's breath caught in her throat as her hearts desire came to a halt in front of her, his chest wide and muscular at the level of her eyes, before his brown hand suddenly came up to grab her chin. His fingers were cruel, forcing her face upwards with furious strength and the expression on his beautiful face when finally their eyes met, sent a quiver of terror down her spine.

He glared down at her with more fury than he had last night if that were possible and when he finally spoke, she could almost hear the grind of his clenched teeth as he forced out the sound and breath between them.

"Don't you ever imply that I would think of you like that. "

The hazel orbs were dark with madness, gold fire flickering menacingly within the black as he hissed down at her.

"I would never call you by that name Evans. NEVER, do you hear me?! So don't you dare put words into my mouth that only such lowlifes as your little Slytherin friend would use. And if all you can do is resort to that kind of pitifully low accusation as an excuse for your own incompetence, then you're even more pathetic than I thought. "

He pulled back. She stared up at him, visibly reeling from the vicious lash of his sweet, silken words. The contempt etched on his strong features didn't lessen, if anything the twisted curl of his lips became more pronounced as he stepped a pace backwards and sneer down at her shaking figure. Then he turned smartly around and walked towards his own room.

"But if you want to give up, then by all means, be my guest. Humiliate yourself in front the entire Wizarding Elite. But don't come crying to me afterwards. "

The door slammed shut. The spell faded. He was gone, and Lily stood like a lost child staring at the oak door he'd passed through. She'd done it again. Hurt him. Her and her stupid big mouth. However infuriating his attitude he had still been helping her hadn't he? Even after all she'd said the night before. He still had kept his promise. And she'd thrown it back in his face. She really was the lowest of the low.

* * *

"He's right you know. "

Lily's eyes were round with shock as they flew to Sirius' unusually serious gaze. She'd been so wrapped up in James, she'd all but forgotten his quiet presence.

"However disgusting and unfair it may be, you are still muggle-born and to our kind that still matters. The people at this ball will be determined to demean and look down on you before you even walk down those steps. They will jump on any reason to justify their belief that you have no place in our world and you cannot afford to be anything less than perfect. What's more and what James didn't mention, is that you are making your debut under MJ's patronage. She was the one who picked you, she was the one declared you skilled enough to graduate the course. If you slip up, she will also be the one who will take the blame. "

Lily's face was pale as death but Sirius continued his expression grave and that of an undertaker.

"There was absolute uproar at the Ministry when the Pureblood Council Representatives found out that you, a mere muggle-born had actually been given this kind of opportunity. If MJ had been anyone else she would have been sacked merely for suggesting it. As it is she got her way, but Lily you have to understand. Your humiliation isn't just your own. This is MJ's reputation that is at stake as well. If you put one foot wrong, eighty five percent of people present will be fighting to point it out. Even Henry couldn't ignore the demand for her demission. "

Sirius struggled as he searched for the final words to his unusually long speech.

"She's…MJ is like a mother to me, Lils. I can't let that happen. James is no fool. He knows full well what she stands to lose with this, and he's worried. We all are. So please, Lils, I really need you to do this. Surely you owe it to her, don't you think..? "

He finished and simply looked at the tiny girl. Her eyes were closed tight and her fingers clenched on air at her sides. She'd never looked so racked and wretched with guilt and he cringed inwardly at his harshness. But she needed to understand.

Suddenly the sheaf of copper flashed in the firelight, thrown back as her chin lifted with the defiance he'd been praying for. Her emerald eyes met his, flashing with new determination and incredibly, madly, she smiled, a wide, brilliant grin that all but took his breath away. Sirius laughed and moved forward to pull her into a brief one-armed hug and ruffled her burnished locks.

"That's my girl. "

She smiled back at him lovingly and slightly ashamed, before sighing lightly.

"What would I do without you Sirius? "

He winked and strolled casually towards the portrait hole, turning to grin over his shoulder as it swung open.

"Probably die a hundred different and highly painful deaths, babe. Now, if you'll excuse me, by stomach is calling for nourishment, and I'll need my strength if we're going to continue these irritatingly exhausting lessons. Call me when you've sorted things out. Later, Lils."

He swaggered out with all his typical impudence, shutting the portrait behind him loudly with an elegant flick of his wand, and Lily shook her head with amusement. Sirius was never more annoying than when he was right but she did love him, to bits really. She grinned suddenly, a gleam of mischief lighting up her eyes. Not that she'd ever admit it to him. Stupid git.

But she couldn't put this off forever and so, squaring her shoulders reluctantly, Lily turned towards the door on the right.

* * *

The course knotted slab of wood had never before seemed quite so imposing, and Lily couldn't suppress a gulp as she lifted her fist and knocked tentatively.

"James…? "

Nothing. No surprises there, she had just made him blazingly angry after all. Still she couldn't put this off. The longer she left the situation, the worse it get. Gritting her teeth in determination, Lily tapped again on the door, slightly more loudly.

"Come on James, I know your in there. Let me in. "

Still no answer. No a sound could be heard from the other side of the oak, and if Lily hadn't seen him stalk in there only two minutes ago, she could have almost had believed the room was empty.

But she had, and frustration had her biting her lip as she tried desperately to ignore the first bubblings of anger that were stirring in her stomach. Losing her temper was not a option. But damn his stubbornness pissed her off sometimes.

Losing patience, she grasped the gold doorknob and twisted sharply, the whole of her weight behind her as she shoved none to gently against the heavy panel. Not surprisingly, nothing happened, and Lily glared at the innocently silent door and stamped her foot in temper.

"Damn you James Potter!! Open this DOOR!! "

"Now, now. Ain't you ever heard'a askin' nicely? "

Copper flashed in the firelight as Lily swung round in the blink of an eye, wand already outstretched, eyes wide with shock as the snapped back and forth around the Head Common Room, searching frantically for the intruder.

But there was no one. The cheery round room was empty as a graveyard and Lily felt the white skin of her brow crease into a frown of incomprehension.

"Over here, silly. "

The gleeful, snide little voice made her jump once more, as it almost whispered in her ear, it was that close. Lily rounded on the painting to her right, eyes flashing and wand just touching the canvas surface. Two mischievous black eyes twinkled wickedly at her from the most angelically beautiful little face she'd ever seen. Lily's mouth fell open and the boy, observing her admiration grinned all the wider and puffed out his chest in rather adorable cockiness. His was clad in garments that looked to be from the regency period, spotless small-clothes in pure white to match the ruff around his neck, and he sat on the edge of a sparkling fountain, a little wooden boat floating innocently beside him.

"I scared you didn't I? " he asked eagerly

Lily's lips turned up unconsciously, nodding ruefully and the boy laughed a gurgling, impish laugh in response.

"He he!!! Yes I knew it!! Got you proper willied out, did I! "

He looked so pleased with himself that Lily burst out laughing.

"Yes, I believe you did. " she admitted, eyes sparkling in mirth. The boy crowed and splashed his small feet in the water with delight before looking back and grinning an evil conspiratory smile at the Head Girl.

"I scared the boy too, I did! Scared him right silly and he got all red and furious. " Again the boy gurgled but Lily looked at him suddenly in surprise.

"You spoken to James too? But I always thought that this picture was a muggle painting. I've never seen you move before. "

"Never needed to. Lucky guesses each time so I kept shutum. "

Lily stared uncomprehending into his grinning face.

"Never needed to? "

"Nay, you found the key each time on your own. Though more by luck that good judgement, me thinks. " He winked at her but her frown didn't lift, it deepened rather as Lily puzzled to make sense of the information.

"The key… " Suddenly her eyes widened.

"As in…the key to the door?! The password??! "

The boy's black eyes glinted at her and he smiled but stayed enigmatically silent. Lily pressed on, wanting to understand.

"So each time I was let in it was because I said the password without realizing it! "

Finally it seemed the boy couldn't bear to stay quiet any longer and he laughed triumphantly and clapped his hands.

"You're definitely quicker than him; he didn't gets it with me properly TELLING him where the key was. Stupid willy wanted to curse little Perceevs instead. "

The boy opened his suddenly sad eyes mournfully at Lily, such a picture of hurt innocence that a second later she was giggling once more. The look was wiped away by the return of the boy's evil grin and he carried on, apparently very pleased at having made her laugh.

"Had a right fit, he nearly did. And there's me only trying to do my job and all that. " He finished sadly. Lily looked up curiously at that.

"Your job? "

"Aye, letting in the Heady Students if needs to. In an emergency like. "

"You help us work out how to get in if we really really have to! " Lily exclaimed suddenly seeing the light. The boy twinkled at her engagingly once more and nodded.

"Definitely smarter than dumbo in there. " He grinned approvingly.

Lily grinned straight back.

"But that's not very hard, is it. " The imp burst into a fit of evil laughter, rocking back and forth on the stone ledge until suddenly, as Lily knew it must, the inevitable happened.

SPLASH

Lily's green emeralds gleamed mischievously into the beautiful black eyes that were suddenly as round as his gaping mouth. His fancy clothes were completely soaked, the shinning ebony locks that reminded her so much of Sirius, were dripping wet and the little imp now bore a strong resemblance to a drowned rat. Lily couldn't help it; she just had to give in to the uncontrollable urge to giggle.

To her surprise the boy suddenly grinned with her, eyes glinting with wicked respect and he said in his sing-song voice.

"Right one you are, miss. Deserves a clue you do, and a good one at that. "

Lily stopped her chuckles to lean eagerly towards the painting.

"Go on! The key, what is it? "

"Hush now, you gets a riddle, so listen right. "

Black eyes gleamed, a tiny pointed tongue slipped out to wet his little lips and he finally cackled

"_In his heart t'is and in your hand twill be. "_

Lily blinked.

"WHAT??? "

"What? "

"What was THAT?? "

"THAT were your clue, I thought you was the smart one. "

"That's not a clue, that's a…a…I don't even know WHAT it is. Come on, you promised. "

The boy through back his little head and laughed manically. Lily sighed and brushed away the strand of gleaming copper that had fallen into her eyes. Ok, think. Something that's in his heart. Lily snorted. Right. She was on a real winner with that one straight off. Who the heck knew what James Potter actually cared about, unless…

"Marauder? " The word was spoken more with hope rather than confidence and she wasn't very much surprised so much as disappointed to see that the door made no movement. Another sigh of frustration.

"Sirius, Remus, Peter, MJ, Henry… " She rattled off, one after the other hopefully, grasping the gold knob and turning back and forth in case the password alone wasn't enough. Nothing.

Again she rattled the doorknob, harder this time with impatience.

"Brothers, friends, BEST friends, oh I don't KNOW!! Argh damm you James, why can't you just…? "

She stopped, eyes bigger and greener that the Fairy Queen's emeralds, staring down at the globe of warm gold she was still clasping in her white hand.

"In my hand. "

She lifted her auburn head, dawning astonishment and disbelief written all over her pale face, fingers tracing with delicate wonder the petals of the embossed flower that decorated the golden sphere. One word, whispered in confusion to the silent door, nevertheless caused the inner working of the lock to click.

"Lily… "

The heavy slab swung open, Lily breath was hissed back through her white teeth in shock and James Potter leapt from his position from the four poster bed, as though a manticore had stung him on the behind.

* * *

For a full minute, Head Boy and Girl simply stared at each other, wary, apologetic green gazing into first shocked and then cold, harsh hazel. Lily watched his features turn as hard and rigidly composed as marble; his jaw clenched, his full lips settled unconsciously back into his cruel mocking sneer until suddenly they opened and he spoke.

"I don't remember inviting you in Evans, but who knows, maybe I'm mistaken. If so let me rectify the matter immediately "

The smooth, dexterous tones, turned bitingly harsh.

"Get out. "

Lily winced and felt her cheeks flush pink, but she held her ground as fiercely as she held his contemptuous stare, refusing to break eye-contact, refusing to let her knees knock together in fear.

"I…I came to apologize Ja… "

"I really couldn't give a damn Evans. "

"I'm sorry alright!! I didn't know for MJ, how could I?! "

"I said…Get…OUT. "

He marched towards her, tall, broad and face dark as night. His brown arms lifted, obviously with the intention to make her leave if she wouldn't do so voluntarily. He couldn't handle her. Not now, not after last night. If she didn't leave now he would end up doing something, saying something that he knew deep down he would regret later. But she had to go.

Her white skin was inches away, his fingers were all but clasping her slim shoulders when suddenly she leapt forward and did the most unexpected thing in the entire world.

She kissed him.

Time seemed to stop. Nothing seemed to make sense, nothing but her, her scent, the smoothness of her skin, the warmth of her lips as they ravaged his own with so much passion that he felt his strength almost sap away from him, leaving his knees weak and shaking, his arms grasping her cruelly tight in order to keep himself standing. She tasted better that chocolate or honey and for those few brief blissful moment he could allow himself to be swept up in her pure unholy perfection and forget the pain that had never ceased since the day she had thrown him away.

His passion mounted, his lips fighting back against hers, upping the pressure and the tension and the need, his hands roaming over every inch of her, possessively, lovingly, harsh and gentle, bitter and yet sweet and barely even realising what he was doing, he turned her around and pushed her towards the four-poster bed.

If she noticed his actions, she certainly didn't seem to cared, her fingers were too busy caressing each and every quivering muscle that adorned his gold, glorious chest, fisting handful of his silky hair, determined to make it messier than ever before. Her eyes rolled into her head, her breath coming in gasps as his fingers delved deliciously lower and suddenly she was falling backwards onto the scarlet cushions and drapes, his heavenly body crushing her further into the velvet but she only clasped him closer.

His lips descended to her neck, pulling at the whiteness almost viciously before tenderly trailing his tongue over the sensitive skin. She held his head and pressed him harder, and finally managed to force out words through the moans of pleasure.

"Please. Please teach me to dance James. Just you. You and me. I'm sorry, please, please… "

Abruptly he pulled away and she cried out silently in dismay. She struggled up onto her elbows but he was already standing, eyes so black for a moment she felt her chest tighten as the word Severus sprung into her brain without thinking. His beautiful features were twisted, fighting and forced back unwillingly into his mask of calm and the hazel orbs seemed to burn with an inhuman glow. Lily's heart sank; she understood him far to well to need the words he was about to say to know his answer. The "No " echoed from every inch of his harsh face, his blazing eyes, his muscles that still quivered from her touch.

"No. "

Still it hurt, raw and aching after the feel of his body only minutes ago. She could only stare up at him, hair tousled and clothes crumpled, from the king-sized bed, green eyes pleading with the boy she loved, knowing already it was pointless.

James eyes met hers one final time and for a moment something, some flicker of emotion in their made her heart lift with hope. Then he turned, his tall muscular figure striding smartly to the open door, pausing only to throw briefly over his shoulder, in a voice of stone.

"I'll be back with Sirius in a quarter of an hour. Be ready to pick up where we left off. "

He was gone. He was gone and Lily pulled up the silken drapes around her to cover her face, so that as she choked on tears that couldn't fall, she could still pretend that he was there, his rich heavenly scent still and forever her greatest comfort.

* * *

**Ahhhhhh. It's done. Finally, it is FINISHED!!! :D :D :D**

**Can't say much more tonight, I'm up in 4 hours, for the last time hopefully and must go. BTW I apologise for spelling/grammar, there might be quite a few mistakes as I'm really too tired to reread this more than once. Anyway very very sorry will correct later.**

**One last thing, even though you have to do so via another chapter or anonamously, if you really really love me and want to make my day, R&R!!!! :D**

**Love you loads**

**Lili**

**xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx**


	19. Chapter 19

**Attention now folks!! Here it is, the big one, the one you've all been waiting for, at least since the last cliff-hanger XD. Anyway I hope you guys like it, the poor little guy's got a lot riding on him lol as this chapter is probably the most important and unexpected one yet, if I've done my job right that is ;).**

**This Chapter is dedicated to a very very good mate of mine for the simple reason that he has finally given in and allowed me to post his picture on my blog, as MY idea at least of how James looks like. In a rather weird way there's a lot of him in James' character too; both big-headed, stubborn, I suppose reasonably good-looking ;), and probably the sweetest, funniest guy I've ever met. Yeah, you've guessed it; I love my own personnel prat to bits and this chappie is for him, in memory of many long hours of Maths lessons enlivened by drinking cans of cola and sharing cookies with our long-suffering teacher. **

**Anyway there are a few new sketches up too, plus if you haven't already, feel free to check out my one-shot bonus chapter "That Night ". **

**What else is there to say? Not a lot besides one word of warning. At the end of this chapter, one of this story's biggest most well-kept secrets will finally be brought to light, so I'm going to take this opportunity to beg two favours. **

**Number One is to not skip ahead and cheat. I say this because it's always one of my worst habits and though I trust you all, well lets just say I know the temptation all too well. ;) Number two is slightly more ambiguous; quite simply to keep an open mind having finished this chapter. I'm kinda pre-empting what most people's reactions will be and, well, I wanted just to ask you guys to not judge QUITE yet, at least not completely. This secret needs to be explained so until then, I repeat, keep an open mind ;)**

**There you go, I shall leave you now to either love or hate this new instalment and, await your thoughts and comments ;) Yeah as always I'm after reviews, so sue me XD, (just make sure you send the court summons via that little green button ok!! :D )**

**As always, loving all of ya loads**

**Lili**

**Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx**

* * *

All Over Again: Chapter 19

At six thirty am, the sky above the Hogwarts grounds glowed more beautiful than any other moment of the day. Tendrils of light snaked and intertwined to create a tie-dye canvas, a rich marbling of scarlet and gold. An Omen perhaps. A vast banner of celebration of the victory that would, with luck, take place in a few short hours. An invitation to hope, a sight to stir house-pride and determination in any early Gryffindor riser.

The boy reached for his wand and pointed behind his back. One word accompanied by a slow, languorous movement, pulled the small plastic zipper smoothly, almost sensually upwards . The black leather closed over gold muscle, encasing first the cleft of his behind, the curve of his waist, the broad back, shoulders, right up to where finally it met the first unruly locks of ebony hair at the nape of his neck.

His brown hand moved to grasp the scarlet material that had been casually thrown over the back of the chair, and broad shoulders shrugged the robes into place, over the protective suit. The gold thread of the blazon caught the light, the lion seemed to roar in challenge and his full lips curved upwards with just that same quirk of arrogance.

Gloves of matching black leather were pulled over rough, tanned fingers, quicker now as he tugged on the familiar material. The product of six years of a routine that was now instinct.

A wave of the wand and the knee-length boots flew to his side, old comrades standing to attention, ready to serve. He pulled them on, murmuring softly and the straps moved to lace themselves up to his calves. The tight grasp made him sigh, not of relief but rather the feeling of coming home once more. This was him. This was where he was meant to be.

"Accio Nimbus. "

At the softly-spoken word, the broom appeared silently by his side. One leather-clad hand moved to rest on the slim handle and at his caress, the smooth mahogany warmed and trembled.

"Here we go again, old friend. "

The broom quivered under his touch.

"One last year, one last war. Then they'll be only one race left, and even we can't win it. "

The Nimbus 500 seemed to bristle slightly and the boy chuckled, fingers brushing the dark wood soothingly.

"Time, mate, our only unbeaten enemy. "

The broom pulled against the boy's hand towards the door on the other side of the room, with unimpressed impatience, and again its master laughed, turning his head for one last glance at the morning sky.

Golden light scintillated through the glass pane as, devastatingly slowly, the sun broke over the sloping horizon, and the Gryffindor banner waved one final time with the promise of triumph.

Except that the sunrise never changed its pallet. The cynical eyes had long since learnt that the red and gold flames that streaked across the sky, in reality promised nothing but fine weather. Years had flown by and the Gryffindor Quidditch Captain was long past the age of delusion that the heavens themselves were silently rooting for his house and his team.

James turned his gaze away from the window. Then he glanced one final time into the face of the man in the mirror, cricked his neck and strode out of the oak door without looking back.

* * *

Down in the Great Hall, Hogwarts trembled with anticipation. Bets were being made, sides being taken, lines drawn as the two strongest Quidditch teams prepared to do battle. Electricity hummed in the air, making hairs stand up on end and fingers tap impatiently against their knees. Constant murmurs flew back and forth down the tables, eager glances thrown across the room to where the two opposing teams sat in silence. It was always like this. The first match of a new season and school year; the first battle of a brand new war. Even the Marauder Fan Clubs were strangely quiet and subdued, each reluctantly keeping to her own house-table, obliged to be satisfied only with sending adoring glances towards their idols from across the Hall.

Ever since third year, when the four clubs had been started, it had been an unspoken rule that Quidditch Matches were sacred; no outsider was allowed to disturb the Gryffindor Team in the hours before take-off. The law had been set into place when a fan's badly brewed "Good Luck " Potion had exploded over the team's star chaser, causing James to spend the match unconscious in the Hospital wing. It remained the only match Gryffindor had lost since the two Marauders had joined the team.

The said team sat scattered across the Gryffindor benchs, alike only in their silence. Much was riding on today, old rivalries and long-established grudges to be fought out and settled. The atmosphere lay heavier than mud and Lily felt her own, sadly diminished spirits sink that much lower. Green eyes flashed towards the opposite end of the table and dropped sadly back to her plate, as she wondered for the thousandth time why she hadn't yet simply jumped off the Astronomy Tower.

The past week had dragged longer than she could have ever believed possible; seven days of being ignored or else spoken to so lifelessly that even conversation with the Bloody Baron seemed more appealing.

Lily stabbed gloomily at the eggs and bacon that made up her Sunday lunch before sneaking yet another swift glance at her fellow head from under her lashes.

The Marauder space was eerily silent. Peter ate with a disconcerting focus that could almost always bring an incredulous grin to her face, his eyes fixed on the items of food in front of him as though they were just waiting to walk of the plate.

Remus, being Remus, was reading the Daily Prophet; the only change from his everyday routine being the obvious lack of quietly ironic comments that were usually thrown over the top of the newspaper to punctuate the rest of the Marauder's conversation. Today however, those oddly intense amber eyes never lifted from the page, perusing determinedly the front-page story that showed a mass hippogriff stampede during the Newmarket races.

The two Quidditch players of the group, on the other hand, were unoccupied. Lily, observing the brooding expression on her darling's face, couldn't help but feel her nerves creep up and clench the back of her throat. The boy's flawless lips were pressed into a line McGonagall would be proud of, his chin almost touched his chest and the smart tap of his brown fingers on the wooden table was a sure sign of danger. Sirius Black never showed impatience. Such an emotion was beneath him, unworthy of the school idol.

Surely a simple Quidditch Match couldn't be the cause; Sirius thrived on pressure and excitement. The more difficult the challenge the more the forget-me-not fire in his eyes would blaze, soaking the adrenalin like a sponge, thrusting both his skill and his determination to unthinkable heights. The only hint of the train of madness that followed the Black line of old.

Which was why seeing her friend so tense was, well…unsettling. Lily eyed him warily, her teeth pulling nervously at her lower lip. Something had happened and judging by the swift ugly glances he was sending towards the Slytherin table it DID seem to have SOMETHING at least to do with the upcoming match.

The boulder-sized lumps of green that made up the opposing team, were grinning like maniacs. As she glanced over, Avery looked up and caught her eye. His grinned widened until it reached his ears, vicious and twisted, and Lily recoiled with a disgusted expression.

Jenny sensed the movement and lifted her head, following her friends gaze. Her hazel eyes narrowed and her lip curled in an expression of deepest loathing. Lily almost winced. When Jenny got that look in her eye, the two cousins resembled each other so closely it was uncanny.

The Slytherin bully sneered but reluctantly looked away and the brunette turned back to the others with a snort.

"Wanker. "

Seeing the look on Lily's face however, her scowl softened and she added reassuringly.

"Ignore them Lils. It's typical scare tactics. They're trying to unnerve the newbie; get you to crack. It's a low strategy but it, well…does sometimes work. You've just got to show you're above that kind of crap. "

Lily nodded and lowered her gaze back to her plate. It wasn't worth explaining to the girls that it wasn't the pressure of the upcoming match that was slowly but surely getting to her. Lily stabbed another morsel of egg and glanced reluctantly down the table once more, towards the real reason she had been suffering from almost constant nausea for the past week

It wasn't even as if he'd returned to their previous feud, she thought despairingly; there was no pranking, no hurting, no humiliating; James Potter was politeness itself, frigid certainly but calm, collected and perfectly controlled. And it was almost killing her.

He was sitting as he always sat, lounging back in his chair, feet all but on the table. His famous Nimbus rested quietly beside him and every now and then his leather-clad fingers would brush over the dark mahogany wood lovingly, like a master stroking a restless dog. And of course, as always, the Gryffindor Captain was the only member of his team who always changed into his gear before breakfast.

No one really knew why James did this. In every interview the question was asked, but he simply replied that he was always up early before a match and it saved time. Even during the brief period when they were going out, she'd only ever managed to coax a half-answer out of him.

_"Ok ok. Fine. It's just…part of my nerve-busting ritual, I guess. It helps me chill before the big game. "_

Nothing further would he say on the subject and Lily had finally given up pestering him about it. The infuriating boy had only laughed more wickedly with each plea or ploy. The memory made her smile slightly and almost as though he'd felt the sudden burst of warmth in her eyes, he looked up and met them.

The moment held so briefly. Just a look, a burning glance that made the air around them crackle, unnoticed by all. Her breath caught, his hazel orbs seemed to glow before suddenly he brought her out of her daze with the smallest of nods. Casual, cold and impassive. Lily returned the gesture weakly and turned away, chin drooping miserably despite herself. It was hopeless. In no way was he even close to forgiving her.

Breakfast seemed to pass all too fast and in what seemed like only minutes, James was rising from his seat, broom in hand, and signalling for his team to leave. The claps and cheers rang like bells as they passed and Lily had never felt so out of place, even with Jenny's reassuring clasp on the back of her robes. Every face was turned towards them; only the Slytherins scowled as they trailed by, everybody else beamed and catcalled and Lily couldn't help but feel slightly dazed. It was almost like the bet had never happened. She had never won the enmity of the entire student-body and she was still one of the most popular girls in the school.

Then Jenifer Backbone met her gaze and scowled, glaring at her in disgust before turning back to stare open-mouthed at James, as he roguishly winked to the different members of his fan club. The bubble broke and Lily clutched at her broom-handle tightly, her heart sinking, as though the word impostor had just been tattooed onto her forehead.

Beside her, her team-mates smiled and waved. Only Sirius refrained, ignoring the hoards of worshipping girls all his usual distain. Instead he dropped behind until his graceful frame swaggered nonchalantly beside her. His expression was one of boredom, eyebrows faintly chagrined, lip ever so slightly curled but Lily wasn't fooled. She smiled up at him gratefully and for a split-second his rather hard features softened, as he glanced down affectionately at her.

Then the huge doors to the Great Hall opened. The team turned and waved one last time and exited, the sounds of applause following them even as they marched in unison across the grounds and made their way in silence down to the Quidditch Pitch.

* * *

"Ok team; this is it. In exactly four minutes time, we are going to commence the first match of the season, guys and we…are going…to win it! Comprendé. "

"Yes sir! "

"Gryffindor hasn't lost a Match since third year. And we will not start now. Comprendé?! "

"Yes SIR!! "

"This is because we have the best team in this entire school!! Fastest, strongest, most accurate, " he paused and suddenly unleashed his gleaming-eyed smirk, hand automatically ruffling the shaggy mop of black hair.

" And sexiest players Hogwarts have ever seen. "

Lily rolled her eyes, her teeth grinding in her mouth as he winked audaciously at Amanda, before carrying on much more seriously

"Quidditch doesn't get better than this, guys, not at Hogwarts. I want you all to know that this is the best side I've think we've ever had and…that I count it an honour to play alongside each and every one of you this final year. "

James paused and nodded, for once slightly self-conscious, all trace of mockery vanished. His jaw was set, his hazel eyes glowing with a dazzling golden determination and both Lily and Amanda couldn't help repress a sigh of longing.

The seven players looked around and met each other's gazes, as team spirit brought them together, for a little while at least, in their burning desire to win. Shoulders straightened, chins lifted and jaws set as the Gryffindor Team made the most of the last moments before the whistle blew.

Sirius met his brother's gaze and sent him a rare, gleaming smile, the forget-me-not blue fires ready and blazing. He turned to Karl and in unison they reached out to grasp and shake each other's hands. Jenny grinned wickedly over at Jamie and blew him a kiss that he caught and laughingly pressed to his heart. She turned back to Lily, her impish face alight with laughter and suddenly flew across the room and hugged her with all her might.

"You'll be great Lils!! You'll put us all to shame, I promise! "

She pulled away, rich brown curls flying as she threw her friend the famous Potter smirk and winked cheerfully into her friends uncovinced face.

"I won't let anything happen to you, babe, girl's honour. "

Lily returned the grin and sighed, when suddenly the voice she had been both waiting for and dreading, boomed like thunder through the open doorway.

"LADIES AND GENTLEMAN, I WELCOME YOU ALL TO THE FIRST QUIDDITCH MATCH…OF…THE…SEASON!!!!"

The Stadium beyond the open doorway erupted, screams and yells and cheers; the din was so loud that Smith's next words were almost inaudible.

"FIRST I PRESENT TO YOU…THE SLYTHERIN TEAM!! "

More cheers. The Gryffindor Team members sniggered and shook their heads as Zinedine started calling out the opposing players ' names, one by one. James curled his lip momentarily but a minute later he was back in full Captain Mode.

"Jamie, to the door. Karl, Pads; you guys next. Then… "

"Me, then you, Amanda and Lily; we get the picture cuz. "

"NOW Dreamer! " James snarled as Jenny threw him a wink over her shoulder and moved to stand just behind the two beaters.

Amanda shot the seeker's turned back a similar look of dislike, before moving to stand in the last invisible row, a little to right, where she crossed her arms expectantly, her eyes annoyingly big and blue and an angelic smile painted on her perfect little lips. Lily's hands clenched into fists and she moved to follow her example with a flushed face, when suddenly a strong hand shot out and grasped her wrist.

Copper flashed as Lily's head shot up in, green eyes round with shock. His beautiful face was blank as he looked down at her; only the way his leather-clad chest rose and fell just a little fast, gave any indication of nervousness.

Time seemed to stand still. Vaguely she could hear the last of the Slytherin team being called onto the pitch amidst much applause, but it seemed far away, almost unimportant. Because he was looking at her, properly. For the first time in almost a week his hazel eyes were burning into hers with a ferocity that left her breathless, his fingers quivering ever so slightly through the soft leather of their gloves.

"AND FINALLY…THE SLYTHERIN KEEPER AND CAPTAIN…AJAX!! "

His head bent closer, a merest inch or two and she could see her own pale, wondering face reflected in his glasses. He didn't often wear them now, she thought a little sadly. His fan club had begged him so often to get contacts for his official photos that in the end he had finally given in. But Quidditch was different. Quidditch was a routine, a mantra, and glasses were part of it. And Lily couldn't help but smile a little wistfully; with glasses he looked so much more like HER James.

He brought her out of her thoughts abruptly, the unexpected harshness of his voice jarring her daydream as he said

"I want you to be careful out there, Evans. "

Lily looked at him in disbelief and his brows descended into a scowl.

"AND NOW…IT IS MY PLEASURE…TO INTRODUCE TO YOU ALL…THE GRYFFINDOR QUIDDITCH TEAM!!!!!! "

He glanced towards the open doorway momentarily with a frustrated frown, before turning back to her and continuing, faster now.

"Sirius overheard the slime balls talking, something about "Avery taking out the newbie ". I don't want you taking any foolish risks. Stay out of his way, you hear me? " He said.

He was still glaring, but dimly Lily realised it was with concern rather than anger. He was worried about her. About HER. Despite everything. She felt like her heart would literally burst with joy.

It must have shown on her face because a second later he was already backtracking smoothly.

"It's well-known, albeit dirty tactic, to pick on the new players. If you get hurt it distracts the rest of the team. " He continued coldly. "We can't none of us afford to waste time baby-sitting you. "

"FOR KEEPER WE HAVE… JAMIE MCLAGGEN!!!! "

Lily's eyes flashed, her cheeks flushing at the contempt in his voice.

"Don't worry Potter, I won't lose you you're precious Match!! " she spat viciously, " If he knocks me of my broom, I'll try to fall to the ground in silence. Merlin forbid I prevent you from scoring! "

"THE GRYFFINDOR BEATERS…LEGEND SIRIUS BLACK AND TALENTED NEWCOMER TO THE PITCH…KARL QUIGLEY!!! "

She made to shove past him, already trying desperately to hold back the angry tears but the grip on her arm tightened almost brutally and suddenly she was pulled back to collide against his unfairly hard chest. His other hand yanked up her chin. She struggled but his grip was unbreakable and despite all her efforts, he forced her to look him in the eye.

"FUCK…the match, Evans. I am ordering you not…to get…hurt. " He hissed out through clenched teeth, eyes blazing with cold fury.

She gaped up at him, wanting to speak, to say the words she'd been yearning to say ever since that night but they just weren't there and then…

He was gone. His tall muscular figure striding past her to stand tense and trembling slightly, to the left of Amanda and directly behind Jenny, who was already on her broom, waiting for Smith to announce her name.

"RETURNING AS SEEKER WE HAVE THE VERY LOVELY….MISS JENNY DREAMER!! "

Lily walked to her place as Jenny kicked off and soared through the Changing room door and into the stands to the applause of three-quarters of the stadium. Lily blinked as the light streamed through and almost blinded her. This was it. Her first Quidditch Match, first test. She had everything to prove.

James looked left then right, towards Lily and then Amanda and then nodded and set him cocky trademark smirk into place. He turned back to the open door and breathed heavily out.

"Ready ladies? Three…two…one… "

"AND FINALLY…THE GRYFFINDOR CHASERS…THE DANCING SWAN, AMANDA SPINNET… "

Amanda batted her eyes one final time at her Captain, kicked off and was away.

Lily could feel the sweat sticking to her fingers inside the leather gloves before the specially designed material magically vaporised it. Her heart was racing, pounding in her chest like a drum and, almost as though he could hear it too, James's lips quirked up into the smallest of grins. Suddenly he turned and looked her dead in the eye, for once his face free of all contempt. His eyes smiled reluctantly and he said

"Relax Lils, It'll be alright."

He half-laughed and added with just a touch more irony

"Really. "

Two sparkling emeralds widened in shock and then

"THIS YEARS UNKNOWN TALENT…LILY EVANS… "

"GO!! "

Lily kicked of from the broom and for the briefest of moments shut her eyes tight. When she opened them she was soaring above the stadium, to rather diminished applause but applause none the less. In the Gryffindor stand she could just make out Remus' tawny head and Emily' black locks. Alice waved like crazy beside them and even Peter had put aside his uncertainty towards this rekindling friendship between the two groups, to honour the occasion.

Hogwarts itself screamed below her, louder than a hundred elephants, but Lily could sense that somehow, they were still holding back. Then, as she stopped next to Amanda in the circle of players she heard the words that the entire stadium had been waiting for.

"AND LAST BUT CERTAINLY NOT LEAST…THE GYFFINDOR CHASER AND CAPTAIN…THE ONE…THE ONLY…THE LEGEND…JAMES POTTER!!!!!! "

Of course, Lily muttered ruefully, NOW they start to cheer.

* * *

"GOAL!!! AND JAMES POTTER SCORES YET ANOTHER TEN POINTS!!!! GRYFFINDOR LEADS 90-20!!! "

Lily grinned as her fellow chaser and Captain punched the air with his fist, and the cheers mounted to deafening heights, before the Quaffle was thrown back into play once more. Adrien-Jarvis Stax, or Ajax as the lump of muscle more often went by, grabbed it and shot off down the pitch, a scowl twisting his heavy features. Lily took off after him, urging her Nimbus faster and faster until the Slytherin Captain was only meters ahead. To her right she could feel rather than see James racing after her, waiting to support her once she took back possession.

The wind tangled her titan locks and pulled against the hair band that restrained them and Lily grinned, eyes glinting greener than ever with the sparks of pure ecstasy. Nothing in the world beat flying like this.

Ajax rolled, trying frantically to throw her off his tail but she was way ahead of him, and a minute later she was cutting him off. He glared and threw wildly towards Travis but the fierce anger in his mud-brown eyes showed all too clearly how desperate the attempt was. Sure enough a blur of scarlet hurtled out of nowhere and snatched the red ball out of the air from right under the opposing chaser's nose. Travis snarled but James was already half-way down the pitch. A moment later the tell-tale whistle blew and Smith announced the addition of ten more points to Gryffindors score.

The players moved back into position and Lily wiped the mischievous grin off her face abruptly, as the Slytherin chaser lifted the Quaffle over his head and got ready to…

"LILY!! "

WHOOSHHH!!! The Bludger slammed into the space her head had occupied a mere moment ago and Lily looked up, slightly dazed in the direction in had come from.

Avery met her eyes with an evil grin that twisted his usually handsome features. His eyebrows waggled and she glared back at him with all the hatred she could muster. Bloody bastard!! That was the eleventh sodding Bludger he'd sent her way!! The git was picking on her, anyone could see that, every minute a new one was aimed straight at her head, ignoring any other member of the team.

Jenny met her eye worriedly and Lily shrugged back. Avery hated her; it was a well-known fact. And he was taking it out by trying to kill her. All in a days work. The seeker nodded reluctantly and both girls smirked coldly as Hooch reprimanded him for attacking a chaser whilst the Quaffle was technically not yet in play. He apologised contritely and she turned away and lifted the silver whistle to her lips.

WHEEEEEEEEWWWWWWWWW!!!

The red leather ball rose and fell, as if in slow motion. The Slytherin Chaser's gloved fingers reached out to catch it but too late, they snatched only thin air and James Potter streaked down the pitch like lightening. The crowd went crazy; the catch had been incredible and Lily followed, laughing with pure joy, in the unlikely event he needed help. Faster and faster he flew, it was so easy he could have been dancing on air, the goal was meters away, his arm pulled back and…

BAMMMM!!!!

The scream of agony escaped before she could stop it, as her arm shattered in it's socket. The crowd froze, black hair spun round instinctively and by a hairs-breath, the Quaffle missed.

The Slytherins erupted, screaming and catcalling as James turned around with a face of stone and flew soberly up the pitch towards her. The pain was unbelievable but the look on her Captain's face was far worse. His eyes blazed like thunder and instinctively she winced, waiting for the tirade she was sure he was about to launch into. But instead he simply forced out a question through clenched teeth

"How bad is it? "

"Ahh…broken…I think. " James shot out a string of French, English and Spanish curse words, only half of which even she recognised, before asking tightly

"Can you heal it? "

She nodded and said painfully

"They can't know; point your wand at it. "

He did so, and she closed her eyes, braced herself before pressing her hand to the broken arm and whispering

"LlalaehI. "

Green light flashed in James' glasses momentarily, and his teeth ground together as she hissed in sudden agony.

"Potter, are you ready to continue playing?!! " Hooch's acid voice rang out loud and sharp. Lily moved her arm and, his eyes never leaving the redhead's face, James nodded grimly.

"Yes ma'am. "

He zoomed away and Lily followed suit, avoiding Jenny's concerned gaze and trying to concentrate only on the game.

Jenny huffed at her friend's stubbornness and soared over to where her cousin was waiting, his hazel eyes fixed on the ball in the Slytherin Keeper Doyle's huge grip. She called out to him, struggling to make herself heard over the deafening crowd.

"James, you have got to do something. Lily can't keep this up. "

"Dreamer, get looking for that fucking snitch. " His gaze never left the Quaffle as he snarled back at her.

"Are you f-ing crazy James?? Avery is going to end up seriously hurting her!! "

Finally he turned to glare at her, two golden fires and bloody murder blazing in his eyes and Jenny flinched.

"He's not breaking any rules!! If I assign her one of the beaters, I risk the other members of the team, Dreamer! You know that! So what the fuck would you have me do?! Plus… "

He hesitated, and looked away and Jenny's eyes first widened and then narrowed in angry comprehension.

"Plus she's keeping the other team busy, right Cuz? A distraction, like a bloody lamb to the slaughter!! " She hissed.

James made no answer and Jenny snarled as the Quaffle left Doyle's gloved fingers and James soared after it like a bloodhound on a scent. She watched him tail Ajax down the pitch before turning away in disgust, eyes automatically searching for the elusive little golden ball.

Instead a Bludger zoomed by and was suddenly intercepted and smashed back towards Ajax at the speed of light, causing him to drop the Quaffle into Amanda's waiting hands. The blond soared down the pitch but Jenny's gaze was fixed instead on the shaggy black mane of the beater who had just successfully freed the ball. All at once, her eyes lit up like golden globes and her lips twisted into a nervous but resigned smirk.

He would kill her for this.

A moment later she soaring by the heart-throb's side and, with regal distain, he turned and raised a questioning black brow at her, slowing his pace just enough to let her voice carry over the din of the crowd

Still she had to shout, the words carried away by the wind almost before they were spoken, but as always, difficulty hearing never seemed to bother her team-mate and she frowned for the thousandth time over this conundrum that both the beater and her cousin's unnatural hearing presented.

"James says to concentrate on protecting Lily! It's obvious they're singling her out and he won't risk her getting hit by something worse than a broken arm!! "

The violet orbs seemed to see right through her and despite herself, Jenny felt her cheeks flush pink. She glared at his annoying beautiful face and opened her mouth to justify herself further but just like that, he was already gone, zooming towards Quigley at the other end of the pitch. She watched them exchange a few words and then smiled with relief as they shot towards where Lily was harassing podgy Claudius Umbridge, who was in currently in possession.

15 minutes later, the Gryffindor Chasers were showing themselves unbeatable, scoring a further eight times in quick succession. As Smith yelled out once more the score, now 220 points to 40, Jenny smirked in satisfaction.

A blur of green suddenly soared passed her, black hair streaked back in the wind. He leered at her as he passed, and, goaded past all endurance, Jenny threw caution to the winds and did something that, looking back, she probably shouldn't have.

"Hey Avery!! Maybe you should mention to your Chasers that the aim of the game is to actually SCORE!! " The taunt was delivered with a wink and a wicked kiss to the air and Avery's coal black eyes flashed in anger.

The boy's lips curved into a sneer of intense dislike and he mouthed something to her in return. The words were lost in the howl of the wind, but judging from the loathing on his face, that probably wasn't a bad thing. The adrenalin had her eyes glittering with mischief and she threw back her head to laugh merrily when, suddenly, she saw it.

The flash of gold she'd been waiting for.

The broom was turned around in an instant, Regulus wasn't even looking and with every second she gained on the tiny fluttering snitch, as it dodged and zoomed just out of reach.

Experienced seekers knew that at this point in the game, you focus only on the snitch, until everything else becomes a blur, and Jenny had done this for years. She wasn't quite sure why today was different, some instinct perhaps, some chill down her spine that for the briefest of moments had her looking away from the prize and up ahead.

White teeth flashed in manic triumph. Then…

Jenny barely had time to turn her face to the side before the Bludger smashed into her skull.

* * *

"YESSS!!! "

The Quaffle flew through the golden hoop and Amanda spun round to soar past and high-five him in triumph. The whistle blew, and Smith raised his microphone but James already knew the score. 240-50; the Slytherins were being pounded, and judging by the sulky lack of noise coming from the sea of green supporters, they were well aware of it too.

All they needed now was the snitch but James wasn't worried. However annoying his cousin was, she was also the only person James would ever admit to being better with that little gold ball than he was. She was a natural, with 4 years of experience to boot. Sirius' little brother or not, Regulus Black didn't stand a chance.

Until then however, James had the rather more enjoyable role of making the Slytherin teams humiliation as painful as possible. Smirking, he spun in a tight U-turn, corking-screwing up and over waiting for the applause that almost always followed his particularly impressive tricks.

Nothing, it was if the sound had been turned off. No cheers, no screams, not even the odd pathetic boo from the Slytherin stand. Only a low, fearful murmur and James' eyes raked the pitch, searching for whatever had grabbed the stadiums attention.

When he found it, every bone in his body seemed to turn to mush.

He was too far away to hear the crunch, but his mind seemed to be adding in the sound affects. From fifty meters away he heard her breath catch in surprise, the sound of iron tearing into flesh and bone, and the gasps of fear escaping the lips of over four hundred students.

She teetered there for the briefest of moments and vaguely he could hear himself begging, praying that the Bludger had somehow missed, that any moment now she would toss her untameable curls and throw him an infuriatingly cheeky wink, mocking him for his silly fright.

But she didn't.

Instead she leaned, further and further until her muscular thigh slipped off the broom's handle, and his prize seeker, his biggest thorn, his baby cousin fell towards the hard unfriendly ground like a stone.

Time seemed to slow to a halt. All he knew was that he was moving, accelerating with every centimetre, the Nimbus responding to his emotions rather than his hands, until he was flying faster than her had ever flown before, faster than a bullet, faster than the safety regulation limits that his mother had drilled into his head ever since the age of three. And he was gaining on her, as her wild curls pulled upwards, as though fighting the gravity that was dragging her towards the hard tarmac below.

She was only meters away now, her eyes shut, a frown wrinkling her forehead and the thought flashed into his head that she would always scowl like that when thwarted. She was an only child like him, and they had both suffered and benefited from it. Jenny still sulked like a todler if she didn't get her own way but it didn't matter, because really they both knew that the only reason it infuriated him so much, was because he was just as bad. They were both spoilt brats deep down.

But she was his cousin, his baby cousin, despite their one month age difference and he was not going to let her die!

OOOFFF…

And SHIT, did she need to go on a diet...!!

James staggered and felt his poor Nimbus protest against the extra weight, but he had her. And falling slowly onto a human body was a hell of a lot better than falling straight off a broomstick from a fifty foot drop. And his old faithful steed was fighting, shuddering against gravity's pull but still managing to keep them aloft. Slowly, they descended towards the earth.

The teachers were waiting as he finally stumbled to the ground, still clutching Jenny's lifeless form. The moment his feet touched the tarmac, Madame Doucanne pulled her out of his trembling arms and laid her on a waiting stretcher. James collapsed to his knees, breathing hard and fast, panting as the grey-haired nurse bustled around his unconscious cousin, poking this and that with her wand and muttering to herself in French. James didn't have the energy to listen.

The other members of the Gryffindor Team landed beside them, both Lily and Jamie with matching white faces and accompanied by a worried Madam Hooch. The eagle-eyed flying teacher nodded sharply as James managed to force out the words "Time-Out "and moved away to speak to the Slytherin Team.

Reality came back. James took a deep, long breath and suddenly vaulted to his feet, the look in his eyes enough to make all but one member of the team flinch away. Black hair swung back and forth as he glared at each one individually before finally coming to a halt in front of Sirius' expressionless face.

"What…happened? " He managed to grind out.

Sirius didn't answer, but his eyes darkened a little with either regret or anger.

"It was Avery. "

The Gryffindor Captain spun on his heels to glare at the small redhead who had whispered the words. Lily's face was white as a sheet. She wasn't looking at him, her green eyes wide and fixed on Jenny's motionless form, her lip looking as though it was about to be torn in two by her own teeth.

The rest of the team nodded and James' expression turned ugly as he swung back round to the two beaters and demanded.

"What the fuck were you two thinking?! Not one of you thought to guard our seeker??!! The most vulnerable player on the team!! Were the two of you playing on a different pitch for Merlin's sake??!! "

Again silence, and then the same small, trembling voice spoke up

"They were protecting me, Captain. "

Nobody spoke. Nobody moved. James hands clenched into fists and he closed his eyes, forcing back the furious words that were hovering dangerously close to his lips. Lily lifted her head and looked at him, her voice a little stronger this time, stammering slightly with new desperation

"I was being targeted by Avery. They were trying to prevent me getting hurt. It's not their fault! "

Suddenly a second voice broke, angry and spiteful and Lily flinched back from the contempt in Amanda's baby-blue eyes.

"If you weren't such a newbie this wouldn't have happened!! A couple of Bludgers?!! For Merlin's sake, you're playing Quidditch not bloody chess!! "

Lily flushed a deep pink and gritted her teeth but made no answer. It only seemed to annoy the sixth year further.

"Don't you get it?!! We don't have a seeker, Evans!! Whatever points we score doesn't even matter!! They can stop the game if and when they choose!! Hooch will probably make us forfeit anyway for not having enough players!! Don't you get it… "

"That is ENOUGH! "

Amanda broke off with a gasp and took a step back, cringing away from the fury in the boy's eyes. He opened his beautiful lips once more and his voice was smooth as cold silk. He took a breath… and cut her to ribbons.

"If, next year, you are elected Quidditch Captain Spinnet, then and ONLY then will you have the right to delegate blame and to reprimand the other members of your team. Until then, I suggest you keep these outbursts off the pitch. Look over there. "

The team obediently turned to glance in the direction their Captain was indicating. The Slytherin Team were loudly and cruelly mocking, tapping their watches and doing fake fainting fits and yelling impressions. The team bristled and turned back to James, Amanda's face redder than a tomato.

He nodded and said

"That's all you're doing, showing them that their tactics are working. We can NOT give them that advantage, guys. We have to be a team, for better and for worse. "

He turned first to Amanda, pulling out, albeit with a little difficulty, his most charming grin.

"Amanda, this wasn't Evans' fault, so stop glaring at her, babe. You're playing brilliantly, so don't spoil it with hysterics. "

The deliberately affectionate name made the blond girl go pink again, this time with pleasure, and more importantly interrupted her plan to murder her team-mate with her eyes. The only problem was that now Lily seemed to be returning the favour. Raising an ironic eyebrow at the now pouting redhead he said merely

"Evans, you've done good so far. Keep at it and be ready to dodge, I'm afraid. I really can't afford to lose another player. "

His gaze ran over Jamie and hesitated. The keeper was still staring at Jenny's lifeless form, his clean-cut features stony. James looked away and turned to the beaters.

"Karl, I'm saying this for your benefit, the seeker must NEVER be left without some sort of protection. He or she is simply too important. And Sirius, quite frankly you should have known better. For Merlin's sake, mate, what were you thinking? "

He glared at his brother accusingly as if he knew exactly why he'd done it. Inwardly he cursed. He couldn't have Sirius prioritizing the girl. It was bad enough HE, as Captain has having a hard time not pounding Avery into the dust just for daring to look at the redhead. It just couldn't happen.

Sirius didn't answer, his violet eyes blank and emotionless in a way that made James instantly suspicious. Sirius only got that look when he was hiding something, or better yet covering up for someone. Yeah, thought James, remembering the time "somebody " had scoffed all the chocolate chip cookies his mum had made for their secret stash, in ONE GO. Sirius was stubborn git but he was a loyal one, and if only Peter hadn't flushed bright red, the boy's calm confession might possibly have worked. As it was… James smiled inwardly at the memory and sighed. The more he thought about it, the more the feeling grew; Sirius was saving someone's ass. The only question was whose.

Right now though, he couldn't afford to waste time on it. Time-Out would be over in just over four minutes. They needed to make a decision and fast.

James came out of his daze and grimaced, rubbing his forehead with his gloved hand, running over plan after plan in his mind as he tried to find someway out of their difficulty. Then it clicked.

He spun round to Quigley and said sharply

" Karl I need you to get Smith over here NOW, as in "arrived ten minutes ago " now!! "

"Yes sir. " He disappeared and the others frowned at him in bewilderment. A second later though, the Sandy haired boy arrived, puffing slightly from the run and, more importantly, his magical microphone around his neck.

"Microphone Smith, hand it over. "

The ratty-faced sixth year grimaced.

"Arghh, c'mon James you know I can't do that. Standard regulations and all. "

James cut his whiny excuses off with a vicious grin that made him look quite evil, Lily thought rather nervously.

"Smith. I'll put it this way; you give me that mike, and Tammy never gets to find out what you and Lexie White were doing up on the Astronomy Tower last Thursday. We got a deal? "

The boy made another face but didn't protest., and untangled the cord around his neck so that James could speak into the mike without snogging him. James took a deep breath, opened his mouth and suddenly his rich velvety voice boomed around the nervously muttering stadium, loud as thunder.

"GWENOG JONES? I REPEAT, SECOND YEAR GWENOG JONES I WANT YOU AND YOUR SPIKEY HAIRDO DOWN HERE RIGHT THIS MINUTE! I REPEAT GET YOUR LITTLE BUT DOWN HERE NOW!!! "

The Gryffindor team gaped at him in bemusement. What the hell did he think he was doing??! But James only turned off the microphone and handed back to Zinedine with an obnoxious grin. The boy took it back, muttering something about "blackmail " and " certain needs", that surprisingly enough he didn't repeat when asked. James didn't insist, he eyes quietly mocking as he added a sweet thank you. Zinedine rolled his eyes with a pout with changed immediately to a blinding, teeth-flashing smile when James quirked a challenging eyebrow at him.

" Don't mention it Jamsie, old pal. " he replied with a forced enthusiasm that made the team smile.

The minutes ticked by but the only hint of nervousness James betrayed was a single glance at his watch. One minute left; that was it. Then it would all be over. They would lose by default and James would never forgive himself for it. As if the hag could read his mind, Hooch looked up, with her disconcertingly hawk-like stare and quirked an eyebrow at him. James cast one despairing look about the stands and walked forward, opening his mouth to say the dreaded words…

"WAIT!!! "

Two teams and about five teachers spun round as a tiny shrimp of girl came shooting into the stadium like a cork from a bottle, short black being shredded wildly in the wind. James' eyes lit up like two golden suns and he folded his arms in triumph to smirk evilly into Ajax' furious face. Never breaking eye contact, he smiled his most angelic smile at the opposing Captain and said in voice of silk

"Madam Hooch, I believe we are ready to resume play. "

* * *

Ten minutes later, Lily had scored three times, Amanda once and even Gwenog had added ten points to the Gryffindors massive lead. His team were doing him proud, he thought smugly, however strange it was to only watch rather than participate. Oh well, James grinned to himself as he scoured the pitch for any sign of the tiny golden ball, they say Seekers get all the glory…

The whistle blew suddenly and his smile widened. The little shrimp had scored again, God bless her. Shame he didn't have a few more years overlapping with her, James thought wistfully. She definitely had a decent amount of potential and with a little training, the brat could actually go places.

The tiny second year zoomed triumphantly past, spiky head bobbing up and down like a bouncing hedgehog and he couldn't repress a small chuckle.

In a couple of years anyway.

Then, out of the blue, hovering fifty feet below the girl's broomstick, mere meters from the ground hovered…

A wild, wicked grin twisted his lips, as the knowledge hit home.

They'd won.

He dived, eyes gleaming like golden stars, heart pounding as the broomstick plunged vertically towards the ground. He could see it, almost feel it already beating it's soft feathers against his hand. Regulus was at the other end of the pitch. There was no way he could get there in time. This was it. Faster and faster.

From the corner of his eye something moved in his direction, something black, fast too, but James wasn't planning on losing this match. Not once did he look away from those tiny fluttering wings, not even when something seemed to crunch somewhere to his left. He could see victory!! It was his!! Just…a little…further!!

WHEWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

The whistle blew beautifully sharp and piercing as it attacked his ears. James threw back his head and let out a huge shout of triumph to the stadium, and the stadium responded like never before. The cheers pounded in his ears, the applause more deafening than a thousand unicorns, girls' shrieks and catcalls setting his blood on fire with almighty rush of victory. He'd done it!! Snatched the win away from the Slytherins snarling jaws.

He looped and soared towards his team, high-fiving a glowing Amanda, a grinning Karl, a whooping Jamie and, for once, a not-scowling Gwenog. James gave another shout of laughter and ruffled the sheepish looking midget's hair proudly, chuckling again as she flushed red as a tomato.

A second later, reality came back with a vengeance as he searched, still grinning, for the last, most important members of his team. His eyes flashed back and forth impatiently before finally focusing on the two figures he was looking for. What, for Merlin's sake, were they…?

All at once, James felt his blood run cold.

Her arm was wrapped tightly around Sirius's shoulders, her green eyes half closed as the boy steadied the two handles and lowered both their broomsticks carefully to the ground. His brother's eyes were wide and taught and although the nonchalant smirk never left his lips, James could tell, even from this distance just how much of an act it was. The calm was forced as was the casualness with which he kept the girl talking, question after question as he tried to keep her from losing consciousness.

Without even thinking, James shot towards the ground, stumbling off his beloved Nimbus as one drunk and running until finally he reached their side.

Madam Doucanne had left with Jenny, but Flitwick and McGonagall were still there, bustling round the pair like two ruffled hens.

He rushed up, panting and fell to his knees next to the two figures on the ground.

His favourite emerald eyes were shut tight in pain, and she was gasping for breath, but as his hand reached unconsciously up to touch her cheek they opened suddenly, meeting his agonised gaze directly. His cheeks flushed and his hand dropped to his side immediately, his expression suddenly colder and withdrawn.

"How…? "

Sirius made to answer but Lily suddenly glanced up at him sharply, and frowned. The boy met her burning gaze and nodded at her ever so slightly before answering, low and terse and disapproving.

"She took a Bludger to the chest. Just before you caught the snitch. "

Lily interrupted suddenly, despite crushed ribs that were making even breathing difficult.

"It's nothing. Just a lucky shot. Or unlucky, depending on how you look at it. " She said trying for a weak grin. Nobody laughed.

James glared down at her fiercely, grinding his teeth in his mouth when suddenly a shadow was thrown across the threesome as Gryffindor's House Teacher loomed above, glaring at them down her beaky nose.

James looked up and his favourite thin-lipped teacher scowled and then nodded at him tersely.

"Well done Mr Potter. Accept my congratulations on the win, but I believe that this girl should go to the hospital wing Mr Black! "

The bespectacled Professors eyes glowered balefully at the black-haired boy who was still clasping the injured girl protectively in his arms. A little too protectively, James suddenly noticed, taking the position of his brother hand on HIS Lily's body with strong disapproval.

Sirius simply nodded, his handsome face rather pale, but he pulled the redhead gently to her feet with his usual arrogant smile.

"I can't tempt you with my other arm, Minnie? "

Flitwick abruptly coughed, as two spots of pink appeared on the tall black-haired teacher's cheeks and she opened her mouth to launch into a furious tirade when suddenly the gates burst open and every Gryffindor, Ravenclaw and Hufflepuff in the school, poured onto the pitch to surround the victorious team.

Like a deer in headlights James went pale and made to run, but too late. In seconds he was being pushed and pulled and clapped on the back and kissed, and all in all dragged out of the stadium on the shoulders of fifty or so people along with Amanda, Karl, Jamie and Gwenog. All he could do was send agonised pleas for help over the hoards towards his brother. But to his deepest disgust Sirius merely looked angelically contrite, shrugging his shoulders gracefully and nodding towards where Lily still lay injured at his feet.

Right the way back up to the castle James Potter, Man of the Match, hero of the day, pouted, scowled and altogether sulked, from his positions on the shoulders of the scarlet and gold tide, like a petulant three year old.

* * *

After-Parties really were the best part of playing Quidditch, James sighed contentedly to himself from his sprawled position on the plush red sofa. It was just gone eight; the Marauder After-Party was just working up and James' earlier black mood had been washed away by liberal quantities of secretly imported fire whiskey. The Quidditch Captain lifted his personnel tankard to his lip and drained it in one steaming swallow. Ahhhh… Damm, that stuff was good.

The Gryffindor Common was filled to bursting with people from every house. Even a few tolerable Slytherins had been permitted to mingle with the masses and make the most of the free alcohol. The music was so loud they'd had to cast a soundproof charm on the entire tower to prevent it from shaking and their pre-arranged night-time visit to Hogsmede had resulted in enough food to feed the five-thousand.

Beside him, Jenifer Backbone and Taylor Swift glowered at each other, both fighting for the privilege of refilling his silver-engraved tankard. The two girls hung on both his arms and his every slurred word adoringly, one sluttily blond, the other an intelligent-looking at least, brunette. Just a shame neither was redhead, the Quidditch hero couldn't help but think grumpily.

The song changed and twenty or so people laughed and bowed and left the cleared away space that was providing usage as a dance-floor. Four of the girls ran over to him, tossing their hair over the shoulders of their skimpy little dresses, each one asking him prettily for a dance, ignoring the vicious looks of loathing been thrown at them by the two older girls. James laughed, ever so slightly hazily from his fourth fire whiskey, and was about to accept when suddenly a voice cut across the mindless giggles, wiping the smiles off every face.

"Sorry ladies, but this dance happens to be mine. Family privileges and all that. "

James couldn't quite prevent his lips from twitching. Jenny raised a perfectly groomed eyebrow at the six females and just like that, however unwillingly, they left. She watched as they strutted away waggling their lips like penguins in miniskirts, and commented thoughtfully.

"You never did have much taste in skirts, did you Jamsie? "

James looked her up and down openly mocking as he eyed the scarlet mini-dress that hugged her curved more tightly than the leather she had been wearing earlier. Her hair was curled into impossibly perfect ringlets that glowed in the firelight like bronze, her lips were a deeper, more lustful red than the dress and if someone else had told him that only hours ago the goddess in front of him had been slammed in the head by an iron canon ball, he would have accused them of stealing his fire whiskey. As it what he merely drank in every detail of her appearance, licking his lips with sarcastically fake admiration.

"But unfortunately Dreamer, we're related, so what choice do I have than to make do with what I can find? "

Jenny glanced down at him, hazel orbs wickedly twinkling, and lowered herself smartly onto the seat opposite him with a flourish. She crossed her legs, innocently opening her eyes wide as the material rode up to expose a sinful amount of thigh.

"Pissed already cuz? How sad. " Her black-rimmed eyes slanted upwards in an alluring smirk and he chuckled, playing along with the game.

"What gives you that idea, Jen-Jen? "

For a split-second her eyes widened in surprise, his lips curved into that dastardly smirk, sensing an easy victory, but just as quickly she recovered.

"Too many compliments, Jamie. " She paused, sipped her drink and then smiled angelically.

"And I'm not even Lily. "

His face hardened. Her eyes gleamed wickedly and before he could cut her to pieces with his adder-like tongue she leapt into the breach and launched a second attack.

"So where is she? I haven't seen her since I got back from the nurse's office. Old cow almost didn't let me come. " She scowled balefully at her butterbeer as though she could Doucanne's face frowning disapprovingly at her from the golden liquid.

He couldn't help it; he had to laugh. The horrified expression on Jenny's face as she contemplated the mere thought of not being present at a party, it drew from him a reluctant chuckle of amusement. Her eyes leapt to his face and she grinned back at him, airs and acting aside, and he couldn't help but think of how he'd nearly lost her, only four short hours ago, irritating baggage that she was.

Then of course she had to spoil the moment.

"So, where is she? I heard she finally did get hurt badly. But no point in saying I told you so, right James? "

The look in her hazel eyes was hard, almost accusing and all at once his black brows lowered into an identical glare as a light turned on in his mind.

"You wouldn't by any chance know who set up my beaters to guard Lily Evans would you, Dreamer? " James sent back in a voice of velvet, eyeing her nonchalantly from under half-closed lids

Again his own chocolate eyes opened impossibly wide at him, innocent as a new-born babe and the minx frowned in adorable bemusement, head tilting to the side like a tiny inquisitive bird.

"If you recall, Captain, I was unconscious during just over half of the match. " The words lilted almost questioningly and he felt his hands ball into fists at her downright insolence.

"But not all of it. Dammit Dreamer!!! I could have you off the team for insubordination!! "

Two pairs of hazel eyes flashed and Jenny leaned forward suddenly, jutting her pointed chin in obvious challenge.

"Cut the crap James. The only reason you didn't do it yourself was before you simply couldn't stand the idea of everyone thinking you might actually be worried about her. "

"You're talking a load of bull, Dreamer. "

"Oh am I James? Then what the fuck are you doing here? "

The biting retort was hovering on James' lips but her words made him suddenly pause, arrested, a tiny frown creasing his brow. Jenny's face lit up with vicious triumph and she continued, wrapping the words in silk before deliberately aiming each little needle with cruel accuracy.

"Why aren't you down there seeing if she's alright, James? Not one player on our team has ever been injured that you haven't personally gone to check up on. Not…a single…one. "

Again they hit home, hard; she could see his face turn a little paler but she didn't stop, stabbing him with yet more knives that that picked and worried old wounds, leaving them free to reopen and bleed once more.

"You really just don't get it cuz. The more pathetically hard you try to prove to the world that you don't care, the more you end up doing the exact opposite. And instead you're sitting here acting like a drunken soldier. After four fire-whiskeys, my dear deluded cousin? The James I know could down eight and still score a goal at fifty paces. "

James' jaw hardened in anger, but he leaned forward, the hazed look completely banished from his handsome face, eyes clear and focused and narrowed into glittering slits. Jenny smirked back at him pointedly and again tilted her head to side to observe his murderous expression with interest.

"Well, what do you know; Instant human hangover cure. God, I could make a fortune. "

The irrepressible snort of laughter escaped before he could stop it and Jenny's smile gleamed encouragingly, her expression coaxing, as one dealing with a rebellious child.

"James, stop acting like a baby and go and bloody get her for Merlin's sake. Your grumpiness is totally RUINING my buzz! "

She pouted, just like that returning to their earlier play-acting and James shook his head in exasperation at her lightening change of tactics. He glared half-heartedly at her before rolling his eyes and finally heaving himself gracefully off the couch.

To his surprise Jenny didn't say a word and he eyed her warm, guileless smile warily, mistrusting her lack of gloating even more than he mistrusted those innocent hazel eyes.

She rose to her feet too, hands running down her full hips to sensually re-adjust the tiny skirt that had risen yet further upwards. He raised a single black brow and she took the hint, with a knowing grin and a wink. Her impressive bust rose, quivered and fell as the girl stretched her arms in an action that was quite simply outrageous. Jenny grinned as her cousin shook his head, and she stuck out a white hand, laughingly formal.

"Well, that was a lovely little chat, but erm…if you'll excuse me cousin, I have about five more of these, really quite delicious cocktails on hold, with several equally delicious young men, and you know how I hate to keep people waiting. "

He responded immediately, lifting her small hand to kiss it with an angel's grace, so that his soft, pink lips barely brushed the skin of her knuckles. Looking up at her through his lashes, they twisted into his classic heartbreaking grin and he answered sweetly

"Heaven forbid that I deprive them of your boundless tact, sweetness and overall charm, any longer, my dear Jen-Jen. "

She threw back her glossy ringlets and laughed merrily, smirk wide and eyes glinting as she acknowledged the hit with approval.

"Spare my blushes Sandman, and get out of here. " She tossed the last words over her shoulder and they seemed to tingle in the air even over the sound of people screaming and the blaring music.

James bowed and she danced away, leaving him to watch her go with a reluctant grin spreading little by little over his chiselled features, his expression unusually warm. Damn the girl. His eyes glowed ruefully as within minutes his minx of a cousin was surrounded by seven of the best-looking guys in the school. They identical hazel irises met one final time, and she nodded pointedly towards the door before being dragged into the crowd by her minions. Another eye-roll. James never liked his infuriatingly charming cousin less than when she was right.

* * *

With new depressing determination, James downed his last swig of fire-whiskey, slammed the tankard onto a nearby table and turned reluctantly towards the Portrait Hole that was only just visible over the heads fifty partying students. Great. This was looking more and more fun by the minute. It would take him ten minutes just to cross the room, he thought grumpily. Still, best get it over with.

Squaring his broad shoulders, James repressed a wince and readied himself for the plunge into the thong of dancing couples. As predicted, the moment his feet touched the dance floor, a spotlight from the DJ booth flashed over and James covered his eyes against the blinding light.

"LOOKS LIKE IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAY LADIES, THE QUIDDITCH CAPTAIN HAS FINALLY MADE HIS WAY TO THE DANCEFLOOR!! "

Immediately every girl broke away from they're rather dazed looking partners, shrieking like a hoard of banshees. James swore and mentally reminded himself to hex that smartass little twerp Smith at the very next occasion. Then they were on him, and James found himself sweating in very real fear as they pulled and pushed and grabbed every piece of his body their manicured fingers could reach.

"Ahhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!! "

"Meeeeee!!!

"No, ME you BITCH, let me through!! Argghhhh!! "

"OW!, No he's MINE!!! "

Fighting them off valiantly his eyes scanned the crowd desperately for a fellow Marauder, who was honour-bound to save him in his time of need. And by Merlin did he need it now; he snarled inwardly, as his favourite CK t-shirt ripped loudly, and twenty more females scrambled to grab hold of it for a trophy. James' eyes blazed; that t-shirt had been a gift from last year's summer job, one of many to be sure, but unfortunately for the slightly demented girls in question, this particular example was his personnel favourite.

Wrenching the black, clinging material from one particularly stubborn bitch's grip with one hand, he drew his wand with the other, all patience out the window, and prepared to hex the next person who touched him, to Ibiza.

For his reputation and position as Head Boy, it was therefore probably fortunate that at that precise moment, a clear, dangerous sounding voice cut though the din. A pathway through the masses cleared, James breathed out heavily and grinned perhaps with more than usual friendliness as Amanda swept gracefully to his side.

A single glance from those baby-blue eyes and the girls reluctantly subsided, sending the Gryffindor chaser looks of hatred as they sulkily rejoined their previous partners, but none of them were foolish enough to make a fuss. Amanda turned back to her Captain, allowing a smile to play over her lips and James rolled his eyes at her and said gratefully

"Spinnet, from this moment on you are now officially my new best friend. The previous holder of that title seems to have abandoned me completely. "

James glared round the room once again, but Sirius was still nowhere to be seen. His scowl deepened when suddenly she interrupted his not-so-pleasant thoughts saying casually

"He's probably still fussing over Evans, look there they are. They got here a couple of minutes ago. "

James spun on his heel and to his angry surprise, sure enough, his nemesis was standing by the bar, Sirius scanning the crowds looked distinctly bored beside her. And to top it off she was wearing a pretty green dress that made her look like pure gorgeousness-on-a-stick as Remus, REMUS handed her a drink.

Vaguely, he was aware that his hands had balled into menacing looking fists and that his expression was now so black that Amanda was glancing doubtfully, back and forth from his face to where the threesome were laughing. But right at that moment, all he could seem to think about was the cheeky grin she was sending HIS fellow Marauder through those dammed long lashes.

"Euhh…James? "

He turned abruptly away and, trying desperately to unclench his gritted teeth he asked with if not his usual charm, at least politeness

"Would you do me the honour of a dance Amanda? "

Her cheeks flushed pink, her light blue eyes glowed with pleasure and it was obvious she was trying to repress her excitement so as not to seem desperate. With that in mind, she nodded casually and said lightly

"Hmmm, that seems to be possibility. " The words were accompanied with a dazzling smile and fluttering lashes. Shame they were lost on the object of their purpose.

James barely heard her answer but, never imagining any girl would refuse him, he pulled her smartly into his arms and began moving to the beat.

For a moment the music was enough to chase the scowl from his face, as his body responded to the rhythm and the melody instinctively, half of his mind already vaguely working out the chords that his guitar would play. Amanda followed his lead, raising her arms above her head and swaying to the music with all her typical grace.

His face however could only be described as distracted and, hoping to reclaim his attention, she inched herself daringly closer, turning around and pressing her buttocks into his groin ever so slightly in what she hoped was a subtle encouragement to go further.

At first, she could have sworn he had momentarily pulled away, but a second later his hands shot slid to her hips to pull her almost roughly against his deliciously hard body. The muscles of his chest and abs pressed against her back and she could feel her heart pounding in her chest. She glanced up over her shoulder hoping to see him looking lustfully down at her but, to her shock, he was staring over her head, jaw set, face grim as he stared at one particular couple who had just joined the floor. She followed his gaze jealously and her fingernails bit into the palm of her hand as she clenched her fists in fury. Damm that redheaded bitch!! How dare she try to steal James!! After what she did!!

Amanda was green with jealousy and jealous people are often not very wise. And so, desperate, she did the only thing she could think off. She pulled down the school idols beautiful head and snogged the life out of him.

* * *

James' mind seemed to simply not work straight. One moment he was scowling at the sodding traitor who, once upon a time, used to be his second closest friend: the next thing he knew, his face was being dragged down three inches and Amanda's tongue was thrashing in his mouth. Shock made James…simply not react. For a full five seconds he could only stand there, eyes wide with surprise as Amanda kissed the living daylights out of him in front of the entire, now gaping, Hogwarts Student Body.

Then relief. Air returned, the oxygen like a shove to his brain telling it to start working again but the process was definitely slow. The blond was pulling away, looking up at him in some mixture of triumph and shyness. Dimly he was aware, somewhere in his stubbornly blank mind that something was screaming at him in warning. Then, just as abruptly, thought-power returned in a flash and James turned white as he realised that what he'd hoped was just a slightly strange dream, was in fact a very very bad reality.

His eyes searched wildly the crowds until finally he found the person he was looking for. Or not. Remus looked simply stunned, his mouth was hanging open in disbelief that was gradually darkening into disapproval. But beside him, there was no flash of titan curls, no wide sparkling emeralds, only an empty space where she had been standing only seconds before.

The thought seemed to punch, kick and bite its way into his suddenly numb brain. She'd seen it all. She wasn't there.

Lily was gone.

Vaguely he was aware that Amanda was speaking, something about "Hogsmede " and "liked you for ages ", but what the fuck did he care. She wasn't THERE! She'd gone and for fucks sake, what was he DOING just standing here?!!

"So...erm, what do you say? "

He glanced down into the blonde's pretty face impatiently, struggling for an answer to a question he hadn't even heard. Again his eyes raked the crowd of eagerly waiting or crushingly disappointed faces, for the one he was looking for, his mouth mumbling something unintelligible of it's own accord.

"I...erm, sorry what? "

Her eyes filled with hurt but, praise Merlin, a second later he was saved by providence in the form of his, admittedly fuming, best mate.

Sirius grabbed hold of James' arm with a face of stone and began towing him towards the portrait hole, pausing only to throw silkily over his perfect shoulder a short, polite

"Sorry Spinnet but urgent Marauder Meeting scheduled for well, NOW. He'll get back to you on that proposal. "

The beater's beautiful muscular body wasn't even necessary; Sirius' death-glare cleared a pathway to the Portrait hole so quickly that dimly James wondered jealously how the prat managed to always do that. The crowed parted like the Red Sea before Moses and within minutes Sirius was slamming the door shut behind them with enough force to make a very tipsy Fat Lady start and protest before she realises who the perpetrator actually was. Sirius flashed the suddenly flustered vision in pink an expression of disgust, before turning back to his brother, his face hard as marble.

"Go after her. " He said simply, in a voice that left no room for question. James stared at him, uncomprehending, and Sirius' mask of stone cracked a little as he continued more sharply.

"For fucks sake, snap out of it, Prongs!! "

"Sirius, she saw… " James voice came out as a dazed croak and Sirius snarled in impatience and punched the wall with his fist, eyes filled with blazing purple flames. His voice hissed with fury and James winced as his brother lost his proverbial cool, for the first time in years.

"Of course she saw James, practically the whole school fucking SAW!! You bloody prat, what were you thinking?!! You don't seriously want to go out with Spinnet do you??!! "

"NO!! "

"Then what the hell WAS that in there?!!! You couldn't just fuck her a few times in a broom closet to keep her happy, could you? NO, you have to bloody SNOG her in front of the entire Student Body?!! Dammit Prongs, you fucked up!! Is Spinnet seriously worth it?!!! "

Some of the spark of his earlier anger returned and James' expression darkened as he threw back

"Evans looked pretty happy from where I was standing, Pads. " He sneered fiercely "Two of the most popular guys in the school worshipping her every step, I hardly think she needs another. "

Sirius' face turned blacker than his name, and James eyes barely time to widen before suddenly his brother threw him against the wall with a crash. The two boys glared into each others eyes, Sirius' hands at James shirt, James' balled into fists at his side and the portraits in the corridor muttered and gasped in shock as the inseparable pair looked as though they were about to murder each other.

"You fucking idiot Prongs…!! Do you seriously think either me or Remus would EVER betray you like that?!! " Sirius hissed with a face of fury. James glared at the floor but didn't answer. The forget-me-not-blue fires turned into a blaze, and Sirius' grip tightened, his hands trembling with rage and recognising the signs that his brother was dangerously close to the edge, James looked up and finally forced out unwillingly

"NO!! Alright!! I know you guys wouldn't…I just… I was jealous Pads!! "

He forced out a breath and the spark of black madness died slowly out of the other boy's eyes. James continued, his voice wracked with pain and disgust and hurt all mixed in.

"Fuck, Pads I thought I was just going to boil over and when she started dancing with Moony…I don't know? I just…cracked. I was bloody mad with envy. And then Amanda suddenly starts snogging me and dammit mate, I was just stunned! I couldn't even think for Christ's sake. And then when the world started working again, she was gone… "

Sirius let go of his brothers shirt and stepped away, arms folded, still angry but the fury was under control once more and when he answered his voice was as cool and nonchalantly mocking as ever. He reached into his pocket and pulled out a folded scrap of parchment and tossed it to James who snatched it out of the air instinctively.

"Go and find her, you bloody prat. "

James nodded, gripped the map and turned away before hesitating. He looked back at his brother and said softly.

"I'm sorry mate. I'm a idiot. "

Sirius' head turned, his expression inscrutable. Then just like that a true, rare smile spread over his beautiful face and his eyes sparkled mockingly.

"Yep. But someone in the group has to compensate for my level of genius. " James grinned and raised an eyebrow.

"Yeah of course man, you're right. " He turned around once more and started off down the corridor. Sirius waited, a gleam in his eyes as he counted silently.

Three…two…one.

"Just like someone has to compensate for your humungous ego. "

At the end of the corridor James turned, golden eyes sparkling with mischief and he added quietly, knowing that Sirius would hear.

"And your rather pint-sized dick. "

The hex hit the door as it closed behind him and two rich, velvet laughs echoed down different corridors, as the two brothers rolled their eyes and walked away.

* * *

The little pale-faced man looked down at him with a mixture of pity and disapproval on his face, but he sighed and said reluctantly.

"She is within. But perhaps this is not the moment… "

James didn't wait for an answer. He hissed the word "Erised " and shoved the door open, ignoring the man's wrinkled expression of outrage as he grabbed the mirror just before it fell to the floor and shattered. James' breath were coming hard and fast, he'd ran all the way here, eyes fixed on the tiny black dot in the Head Common room beside the words Lily Evans that were written in green italic. With every pace the same words had pounded through his brain; she was hurting, he'd hurt her, again.

James collapsed into the room leaning on his knees to support himself, and he heard her gasp in choked surprise. The sound forced him to lift his head, agonised eyes raking the room until they fixed on her pale, broken face, mouth half-open in an expression of shock. The normally sparkling emeralds were dull and lack-lustre, glistening with unshed tears and James' heart clenched in his chest.

For a minutes neither one spoke. She looked simply too stunned and he, finally face to face with the girl, found that all the words that had been bursting on his lips were suddenly no longer there. He opened and shut his mouth like a codfish, face flushing slightly at her seeing him so flustered. His face turned blank, taking refuge behind his mask, and despite the voice in his head yelling at him to shut the fuck up, he found that words were spilling from his mouth, hard and cold with irony.

"What is it with you and the first Quidditch Party of the year Evans? Somebody should tell the house-elves to provide extra tissues. "

Nervousness made the words more bitter than he'd intended and he winced. Her eyes stared at him in disbelief and dawning anger and he struggled for something, anything that would explain his presence there without letting her know what a complete and utter prat he was. Unfortunately, in typical male style, they didn't come out quite right.

"So, erm…what's got you blubbering up here this year? " Inwardly he swore, calling himself every name and curse-word under the sun. What was he doing?!!! He was supposed to be apologizing for fuck sake!! Say sorry, you dumb, ignorant stupid prick!!

Those stunning emeralds darkened in fury and she half-laughed, the sound bitter and hurting but still filled with proud defiance.

"Go back to your bloody party Potter, I'm sure Amanda's missing you and your fat-head already. "

He flinched and the disgust in her face as she curled her lip at him, chaffed at his already fragile ego and his temper. All thoughts of apology were thrown out the window; his eyes darkened for battle and he replied viciously in a voice of silk.

"Jealousy, Evans? How typically pathetic. " She flushed but rallied and blazed back immediately

"Jealous?!! Of what?!! Of exchanging saliva with the most arrogant, obnoxious, pig-headed arsehole in the school!! Get over yourself Potter!! "

James stepped towards her, she held her ground, two pairs of eyes flashed with loathing and pure fury. By now each was in a right royal rage and he roared back at her, face blacker than the night sky outside the open window, though which the sounds and laughter from the nearby Gryffindor tower still slipped through the soundproof charm.

"Oh really, Evans?!! So why are you up here crying your eyes out yet again?!! Getting ready to scream to the world how much you hate and despise me?!! Last Saturday wasn't enough for you to get it out of your fucking system?!!! "

"I could scream it a thousand times and it still wouldn't be enough, you piece of shit!!! " he mock-gasped

"Wow Evans, an actual swearword from those prissy little lips of yours. I'm almost impressed. "

Without thinking her hand shot out and slapped him straight across his obnoxious, mocking smirk. His lips twisted with pain, his expression turned ugly and he grabbed her wrists with cruel strength before hissing his next words straight into her face.

"Hit me again, you little bitch and I swear you WILL regret it. "

She laughed bitterly into his eyes and sneered back, trying desperately to pull her arms out of his grasp. Her emerald eyes shone with tears of rage and pain, and she fought like a wild cat, trying to scratch at him with her nails but he still wouldn't let her go. So instead she spat more words at him, furious and full of mad heartbreak

"What are you going to do James?!!!!! Hit me back, punch the living daylights out of me until I beg for your oh-so-generous forgiveness?!!! "

James stared incredulously down at her, anger giving way momentarily to shocked hurt.

"What are on you about Evans?!!! How can you…Dammit, you know I would never fucking hit any girl, let alone you!!! "

Again the choking bitter half-laugh as she met his gaze wildly through the tears that were just creeping out from the corners of her emerald eyes.

"Oh really, James?!! What, does your so-chivalrous moral code that condones torturing a girl for eight months, not allow actual physical violence!!!!! "

He flushed as the hit went home and she smiled viciously in both triumph and disgust. He swallowed and answered haltingly

"I went too far, I already told you that dammit…!! "

"Too FAR??!!!! James you bloody turned me into frigging eye candy for every twisted little pervert in the entire school!!! And what about all the months of humiliation before that?!!! "

The tears were streaming now, pouring down her cheeks and she spun her head away in an attempt to hide them. Anger still blazed in his eyes but his face was pale, and his voice was a croak as he stumbled for a reply

"I was angry! Merlin I was sodding apoplectic!!! " His face darkened, her eyes widened as his voice became stronger until he was almost yelling down into her face, his own twisted into a picture of self-loathing and fury.

"You want me to say it; YES I fucking regret it Lily!!!! I regret every single day, every word every prank!! Just like I regret every single day of the seven years that I've known you for and that I've acted like the biggest shitbag on the planet!!! "

Lily stared up at him, her lip trembling and her face suddenly as white as his as he bent his head and a choking sound came from his throat. She was speechless, and after a moment he continued, his face still hidden under the mob of shaggy black hair.

"Every day I torture myself thinking that somehow, maybe if I hadn't become what I was, hadn't been "James Potter " and everything that goes with the name, maybe…just maybe you wouldn't have hated me so much. We could have had a chance. A real bloody chance instead of this frigging…farce. "

His voice caught. He was close to tears, Lily realised and a lump filled her throat, as even now, she hated to see him cry. Then his words registered and the anger came flooding back. Her eyes hardened into two green shards of glass and she laughed bitterly, causing him to lift his head and stare into her face in disbelief. She ignored his expression and shook her copper head in disgust before saying bitterly.

"Give me a break James. You could never NOT be "James Potter". Not be the arrogant heartbreaker and hero of the school. That's just who you are; a stupid, big-headed prat who doesn't give a damm about anyone. Least of all some GIRL."

He reeled from her words and the expression of bitter loathing that twisted her elf-like features. Then he whispered incredulously

"What the hell are you talking about Lily? You… " He couldn't continue, disbelief and the beginnings of anger rendering him momentarily speechless and she leapt into the gap, words and long-repressed, lingering pain spilling from her lips

"Quit the act James! You could NEVER actually care about a girl!! She would always come second best to your stupid, bloody reputation!! Because you ARE "James Potter" and James Potter won't and never will actually admit to giving a damm!!! "

His grip tightened and she flinched as his hazel eyes turned into two blazing golden fires as he snarled at her spitting out his answer between clenched teeth.

"How can you say that?!!! You stupid bitch, you seriously think I didn't care?!!!! What planet were are you on Lily?!!!! "

"Shut up!!! "

"What…How can you?!!!! You actually think that's all you were to me?!!!! Just another bed notch for my bloody REPUTATION?!!!! "

"Let me go, for Merlins sake!!! "

Murder raged in his face as he finally raged down at her lowered titan head

"You were the world to me!!!! Nothing else even mattered because you were EVERYTHING to me and for some dumb, fucked-up reason I can't even comprehend, you still ARE!!!! "

"Stop LYING!!! "

He stopped speechless, staring down into her sparkling emerald eyes in incomprehension. The diamonds were rolling so fast down her cheeks that her white face was like a glistening waterfall, but through the cascading tears, he never seen her look so…disgusted. He couldn't help it, his expression darkened in response, his grip on her shoulders suddenly tightening in a matching anger as he roared back

"What are you on about Lily??!! You think I would say it to anyone else??!! I was head over heels in love with you and you knew it!! You fucking HAD to know it!! "

"Shut up, damn you! Shut UP!!!! " She screamed back, voice breaking on the words.

Again she tried to yank herself away and again he shoved her back against the wall, teeth gritted, eyes blazing in that same strange mixture of hurt and hatred. His fingers curled under her chin and he pushed it cruelly upwards, forcing her to look at him.

"You knew I was going to tell you!! That night!! After all we'd said, dammit!! You knew what it was I meant!! "

"Don't, don't bloody say it… "

"YOU KNEW I WAS FUCKING IN LOVE WITH YOU!!!!! "

"NO!!! "

Her scream made him stagger back. Haunted green eyes pierced his soul and she forced out a cracked, dying whisper

"No, damn you…that's just it, not…with ME… "

She broke, gasped and fell slack in his grip. He just stared down at her shattered form, suddenly paler than the snow. His hands fell to his sides and she fell to the floor, sobbing as he'd never heard her sob before. His face was a white mask, beautiful features frozen into an expression of pure shock as he stared down at her as one who had seen a ghost. Then

"Not to me, James…to…her… "

No answer. Just silence. Silence that filled the small round room, making it hard to breathe, impossible to know WHAT to say. Silence and truth. Truth long overdue. Then he spoke, a hoarse whisper that seemed to struggle through the thick atmosphere as though it were quicksand.

"You were there. "

Not a question, a statement. A realisation of a truth that already, something in his mind knew that he should have worked out months ago; it should have been obvious. She nodded, the tears falling silently now, dripping from her chin to create tiny mirror-like puddles on the wooden floor.

"How…how much did you hear? "

Her chin flew up, eyes flashing once more in bitter anger and she struggled to pull herself upright, flinching away from the hand that automatically reached out to help her. Her hands were white against the stones of the wall as she leant against it for strength, but those emeralds blazed at him with all their typical proud defiance.

"I heard enough! I heard you fuck her on the couch, for all the world to see, heard her scream over and over again as you did what you bloody do best!"

He winced from the painfully bitter words but made no move to interrupt, his agonised golden eyes fixed on the floor in front of him and she continued, pushing him, needing a reaction, begging him silently to say something, anything

"I heard her scream your name, James, and I thought…I prayed…that it…it wasn't true…it couldn't be, not after that night… "

She gasped, eyes green, wide and blinded by tears and pain and hurt that had been held in for so so long.

"And then I heard you say it,…those words that you'd never, never say,…words that…I was so sure you were saving… for me."

His eyes closed tight, as though trying to block out her voice, fists clenched instinctively against the final blow that echoed around the Heads Common Room as the smallest, softest of whispers.

"You said…you loved her… "

Her arms came to wrap themselves around her body as though she was holding together pieces of shattering glass. A gasp caught in her throat and it brought his beautiful head snapping up, breath coming quick and hazel orbs shining with so much agony and regret, as he watched her poor broken heart finally cry out all the pent up pain and hurt for the first time.

"I was...such a fool… "

James' whole body trembled with the need to go to her and to clasp her in his arms and never let her go but he wasn't stupid. He'd lost that right, thrown it away so many times. What could he say, what should he do? Time seemed to stand still, or maybe speed up, as more and more tears ran down her cheeks and her copper bangs stuck to the wetness as she hung her burnished head and let it all out.

No wonder she'd hurt him, he could only think numbly. Seeing him having sex with another girl, minutes only after he'd all but declared his love for her and her alone, how could she have not hated him. No wonder she'd carried through with her plan to humiliate him in front of the entire school, a plan she'd probably decided to give up until he'd torn her apart and..

And then he knew.

His voice came out as a croak, hating himself for hurting her further but needing to hear it aloud, knowing already the truth but dreading it so terribly.

"There was no bet…was there. "

A pause. Then a slow head shake. Copper flashing in candlelight.

James sank to his knees, head in his hands as the enormity of his stupidity, his cruelty, his twisted, vile despicableness slowly sank in and he stayed there struggling for breath as bile rose in his throat.

Minutes past. Neither of them moved. The shouts and screams from Gryffindor Tower crept through the open window, the triumph and joy so out place it almost hurt, as the two children simply tried to keep themselves from being crushed by the agonising weight of reality. Her tears continued to silently fall. His mind was simply numb. And the minutes past, slowly, sadly, one after the other escaping through the window into the night.

"How many times? "

Her soft voice made him lift his head and stare blindly at her, before answering just as blankly.

"Just that once. That night. "

Lily nodded, swallowing bravely, her hands shaking slightly as they clutched her knees closer to her chest. James' head sank once more but she spoke again, this time voicing the one question he dreading.

"Why…? "

No answer.

She looked up, those beautiful eyes pleading for an answer, any answer, any justification for the heartbreak that was tearing her apart.

And he couldn't give her one.

"Why did you do it James…, " her voice was cracking now as pride went out the window and she begged for him to please, somehow stop the pain.

"Why that night…why her…? "

His voice seemed to be stuck in his throat. The words should have been there, an answer ready and waiting and prepared, but he'd been beaten by his own arrogance. She was never meant to know, what need was there to ready an excuse? Only one answer flashed through whirling mind but he wouldn't, couldn't give it. Because those words would be the end. Of everything. Once and for all.

She choked, words that had been held in for over a year now spilling out like a flood through a broken dam.

"Was I that bad…that useless? "

"NO!! "

The word was wrenched out through gritted teeth. He couldn't let her think that!! But she had, he could see it in the agonising hurt and worry in her eyes; how the question had haunted her, she'd probably had nightmares over it, he realised with numbing horror. Tossed and turned and cried herself to sleep believing she'd disappointed him, let him down, pushed him to seek satisfaction elsewhere. She'd thought it was her fault. Merlin, he was a shitbag.

"You were…perfect. Beyond perfect. " He managed to croak out,

"Then why dammit…?? Why…? " The words came out as cry, catching in her throat, and she gasped again in an attempt to control the tears. She lifted her head and looked him directly in the eye, the emeralds dazzling through the tears and her lip trembling.

"Tell me there was reason James… "

She paused for breath, closed her eyes and he winced at the shameless hope on her face

"Tell me…that I don't have to hate you… "

And James wanted to. He wanted so badly just to tell her the truth, his whole body resisting the overwhelming urge to shout and scream that he would never have betrayed her without good cause, unless he had no other choice. But the truth would push her away forever. Expose his greatest ever betrayal, not only of Lily but of everyone, everyone who loved him and believed better than that. He couldn't do it. If he had to lose her, then so be it, but at least she would never know how low he had fallen, how badly he'd lied to her, right from the moment he'd apologized that day. Because anything, even her believing him a cheater, anything was better than that. And so loathing himself, he croaked out two words that would lose her, probably forever.

"I can't. "

He looked away, not able to bear the disappointment and heartbreak he knew was spreading over her perfect, beautiful face, dulling those emeralds once more, tearing her apart one final time, all over again.

A strangled sob stuck in her throat and he once again caught the flash of her curls as she swallowed and nodded tightly. He heard her pull herself to her feet, stagger slightly and stumble blindly towards the Head Girl Dorm.

Her hand was round the gold knob when finally, despite all his intentions of letting her go, his control finally broke and he heard his own voice, almost unrecognisable as he pleaded hoarsely

"Forgive me, Lily "

There was a lump the size of a golf-ball in her throat, fresh tears welled up and over as she heard the agony in that broken whisper. There was so much she wanted to say. Pain throbbed in her chest as her soul seemed to tear in two.

She shook her head, unable to speak and pushed the door open.

He heard the door shut, followed by the catch of the lock and he knew he'd lost her. And as the tears finally overflowed to trickle down his stubbled cheeks, the words he'd been trying desperately to find, words he should have said so many times, for so many months, finally escaped as a choked whisper, just a moment too late.

"I love you… "

* * *

Time didn't stop, however much it felt like it. Minutes ticked away, slowly, reluctantly but surely and, maybe an hour later, the faintest tapping of early autumn rain began to count away the passing seconds. Harder the droplets slapped, harder and faster until soon the wind howled outside in a fearsome gale, the rain turning into a storm that finally drowned out the last patheically romantic tunes of the After-Party.

It lashed through the open window, onto the boy who still crouched on the wooden floorboards and, seemingly taking his lack of movement as a challenge, the rain seemed to up its efforts in an attempt to provoke a reaction from his motionless figure.

Nothing. Droplets fell from the ends of his soaked hair to trickle down his brown neck and seep into his t-shirt, a t-shirt that was already dripping. Every now and then, the boy's body shivered, an involuntary action that he didn't even seem to notice.

The minutes passed and the rain continued to howl.

Some time later, there was knock on the portrait hole. Still no reaction from the boy, no life in those dull brown eyes.

A pause, then the sound of people arguing, and finally the creak of the portrait hole being shoved open. Footsteps. Heavy breathing, one breath suddenly catching sadly in a throat.

"Prongs…? "

The footsteps coming closer. A warm hand on his shoulder. A painful broken sigh and a soft, gentle voice filled with sadness and pity.

"C'mon mate, let's get you dry. "

An arm slipping under his shoulder, heaving him to his feet. The sound of a door opening and finally the warm velvet of being placed on a bed. A worried hand on his wet brow, and some small recognition returned

"Sirius…? "

"I'm here, mate. I'm here. "

"It was a lie, Sirius. "

Sirius shushed him and pressed him back onto the covers but James shrugged him of and dropped his head into his hands, forcing out the words.

"She lied. There was no bet. It was all my fault "

"Easy Prongs, maybe it's just…a misunderstanding. "

Thick messy hair swung throwing water everywhere as James shook his head fiercely.

"No!! It was all me!! MY arrogance Padfoot, my stupid fucking pride and resentment. I was a lowlife piece of shit and when I finally realised that, I still ended up hurting her!! "

There was a silence. Sirius closed his eyes, swallowed, then asked one word filled with dread.

"How…? "

"I fucked Dale on the couch. She saw. She heard it all."

Sirius swore and stood up hands balled into brown fists. James took a deep breath and continued

"She asked me why I did it. Why when I'd practically told her what, ten minutes earlier that I wanted to marry her. "

Sirius didn't answer at first staring at the stone wall with a face of marble. Then, finally he forced out tightly

"And what did you answer...? "

Silence. Sirius swung around eyes blazing with blue madness but he just managed to keep his voice level as he repeated in a voice of deadly silk

"Tell me you admitted it was a stupid, dumb mistake. That the bitch tricked you, set you up. That you wouldn't betray her like that!"

"I...I couldn't answer. I couldn't tell her why. "

"Why the fuck NOT?!!!!!! "

James took a deep breath, lifted his dripping head and finally met his friend's, his fellow Marauder, his brother's, painfully raging blue eyes. Then, in a voice breaking with regret and self-loathing and apology, he whispered bitterly

"Because that would mean telling her the truth, the whole truth, admitting that the reason I first went out with her; was only for a bet. "

* * *

**BADAMMM!!!!!!!!!!!! There you go, the big secret out. You may hate me, in fact, I'm sure you do but before you start burning photos of James and sending him hate-mail letters please bear in mind what I mentioned earlier; keep an open mind. This not the complete story of what happened!!! Just a little cliffy ;)**

**Anyway, I hope it was worth the wait, and that I didn't let you down with the big "everything coming out" and all. Talk about pressure *sigh*. **

**Do read and review, reactions, thoughts even flames about how I've ruined your vision of James forever, send'em in. PLEASE!!! :) :) :)**

**Plus final reminder, new stuff on the blog AND new bonus one-shot story!! :D**

**I Luv you all, all my readers !!! If you love me too please please REVIEW (yeah I know crap riming but still!!!!) :D MY 1000 count is almost in sight, with a couple more chapters!!**

**Lili**

**xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx**


	20. Chapter 20

**Hey there guys!!! Alright before you rant about how late I am, how much you hate me, want to strangle me ect, please just wait and read this chapter to see if it was worth it. Quite frankly it was the most difficult one I've ever written and well, you'll see why lol. There is so much in this chapter, so many secrets that finally come out and for once, honesty from someone who has been lying almost from the start. What can I say; if it's not good then I resign today XD You have no idea how I worked and worried for this one *sigh* but, all in all, it could be one of my favourites. ;) I wonder if you'll all agree with me…**

**On a completely different note, so many people were brilliant enough to leave me a review for this chapter, over one hundred in total (THANK YOU!!) but it meant that I haven't been able to reply to many of them this, so this time there are just a couple of mentions I want to say before moving on to the chapter, and don't worry feel free to skip and come back lol ^^**

**Tash27: Sorry I haven't reviewed your next chapters, I have been reading them I promise and I WILL catch up ok, and for a matter of fact, we may just find out who that bet was with…hmmm quite soon indeed ;)**

**Black16Lily: I LOVE the commentary thing!! Do it again pleeeeeeeeease lol, it made me laugh and clap my hands like a little kid XD Absolutely brilliant!!! Cheers!!! **

**Dreamer Of Destiny: Incredible review, I wish I had time to go over each little snippet of it in a long reply but I don't so just a quick thank you really for loving the story that much lol. And for that last complement, as I think I might have said, it was really well, quite frankly moving, so thank you, (she says rather blurry eyed ) ****J**

**Luny-Tic: Loved as in LOVED your review XD and the last thing you said made me want to set your mind at rest. Though the first part of this fic is officially over with Chapter 20, this story is far from being finished. To give you an idea, my rough plot that is fixed, takes me sometime into February/ March of their seventh year and for the moment we're still only in the first week of October. So don't miss me JUST yet XD**

**BErinHaribo: I must admit, the torturing part does have its plus points ;) Your review had me in stitches, it was fab and I wanted to say, I'm sorry for the lateness but I do wish you a (very) belated, HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!! **

**Jasu: Hey, obviously to say thank you, but also to say missing both you and " Tempestuous " loads!! And to anyone reading this AN, check out this fic, it's bloody good ;) as are all the ones mentioned here lol.**

**Ikay09: Hey, I know I stopped half way through and I promise I haven't forgotten " Seven Years of Lily ", okay. I will catch up as soon as possible, just wanted to reassure you lol. ;)**

**There are so many more I would give anything to be able to reply to for this chapter and I want to take this moment to say a HUGE GREAT BIG THANK YOU!!!! To each and every one of you who reviewed and left me messages. These are just a couple I picked because they were extra long, or asked an important question or just made me laugh really really stupidly but next chapter I really will try my hardest to get round to reviewing as many as possible. Doing it this way makes me feel almost worse because of all the peoples' comments and praise that I can't individually say thank you for. If anything thing this chapter is dedicated to all the people I couldn't mention, so guys, this is for you!!**

**You know this already I'm sure, but I still love you all!!**

**Lili**

**X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X**

* * *

All Over Again: Chapter 20

_Flashback_

_The door was slammed shut with a bang behind him but quite frankly? He didn't give a shit. _

_James flung himself down onto the couch with a snort; he tossed back his head and rubbed his eyes wearily, taking care not to push the stupid little plastic things into the back of his brains. Using glasses again for the OWL's had been bliss, but the girls hated it; apparently the reflection messed up his eyes in all the photos. Which meant the return of the dreaded contacts. _

_James sighed with resignation. Anything to keep the chicks happy. A happy girl is a girl more likely to put out. And talking of putting out…_

_"Long day? "_

_James groaned as those God-given hands pulled and pressed his shoulder muscles with a skill that extended to « every-other-body-part massages » as well. It was sheer bliss and James leaned into her touch, allowing himself to enjoy the absence of the ache that had settled in sometime around yesterday lunch time._

_"You have no idea. "_

_Soon though, it wasn't enough and James could feel himself growing stiff as her hands descended down his chest, lower and lower…_

_He grabbed her wrists and swung her round the couch so that she was in front of him, blond hair tossed out of blue eyes that screamed "fuck me ", and by Merlin, was he only too happy to oblige._

_"Go down on me Dale, there's a good girl. "_

_Again with that mocking smile, but instead of obeying with relish as per usual, she eyed him enigmatically and he opened his eyes properly at her, confusion written on his handsome face. James started to repeat himself but the chick had the nerve to cut him off, with another smile that somehow managed to be sweeter still._

_"I heard yesterday wasn't much of a picnic either? "_

_James raised an dangerously innocent eyebrow._

_"Pardon me? "_

_"Come now James, everybody in the schools talking about it; the Great James Potter getting turned down by a girl. "_

_The black brows sunk into a glare but he replied with impeachable self control_

_"And this impedes you from sucking my dick…how? "_

_But instead of answering the dratted girl came up with another question, again with that sickly grin._

_"What on earth possessed you to ask her out in front of the entire fifth year? "_

_James sniggered with cruel satisfaction at the memory, and laid further back on the couch, his hands moving to rest arrogantly behind his head._

_"Best way to piss Sniverly off? Going after his little girlfriend, though after calling her that kind of shit to her face, with a bit of luck she'll tell him where to shove it. " he thought with inexplicable satisfaction._

_"Apparently she did. "_

_James sighed contentedly, before opening one sparkling eye and glancing up at the girl_

_"Great. So; now that that's cleared up, if you don't mind, I've only got an hour, so if we could actually get down to business… "_

_His arms were already reaching towards her, an unusually wicked expression on his face even for him. But to his utmost shock she moved smoothly out of touching distance, and he pouted at her bewildered and not a little impatiently. The fake sweetness on Cecilia's face was beginning to make him feel nauseous especially when she did that sad sighing thing whilst fluttering her eyelashes. Yeah; just like…that._

_"Unfortunately James that's what I wanted to talk to you about. Our…business, or rather our future lack of…said business. "_

_"Excuse me. "_

_He sat up, his expression becoming blacker by the minute, voice deadly and smooth as the softest worn silk.._

_"Come now James, you can't tell me you didn't expect this. "_

_"You're dumping me? "_

_"Well dumping would seem to indicate that we had an actual relationship… "_

_James stormed to his feet, looking ready to kill but the blond held her ground. He stepped towards her, hazel eyes blazing with a murderous golden fire and he hissed quietly._

_"Who…the HELL…do you think you are, Dale? "_

_She stared up at him coldly, that fake painted smile still dancing on her perfectly rosed lips. _

_"You've fucked me quite happily for the last seven months and now you're telling me you want out? "_

_Cecilia raised a taunting eyebrow at him._

_"James you're not a fool. Yes, the entire school knew we were shagging and yes that includes Pascal, but James that when you were "James Potter ", King of the School, Quidditch Hero and Champion, The Man, the guy everybody wanted to be. Even the Head Boy couldn't compete with that much power. So Pascal turned a blind eye, as did everyone of those so called girlfriends you had on the go. "_

_She paused and smiled even sweeter_

_"But as of yesterday James, all anyone can talk about is how that little tramp turned you down, humiliating you in front of the entire school. Face it James; you're losing your touch. "_

_The smile became a smirk, and she leaned in closer, never breaking contact with his silently fuming eyes._

_"And I don't touch losers. "_

_His black brow lifted and he said with deceptively casualness_

_"Losing my touch..? "_

_"I mean please; you can't even get that bitch to go out with you, let alone shag you. What does that say about your chances with any other girl? "_

_"I could have that slut up here screaming my name on this bed in six months Dale, to the day. "_

_Cecilia's blue eyes gleamed suddenly with triumph and she grinned, a vicious twisting of an over-painted face, and replied instantly_

_"Then do it. "_

_He frowned at her, not comprehending. _

_"Do what? "_

_"Go ahead , get her to shag you within six months, and I'll agree you definitely still are the King of both the School and the Bedchamber. "_

_James raised a cynical eyebrow, pondering the idea before asking innocently_

_"You want me to shag her and dump her, is that it? "_

_Cecilia swayed closer, her eyes big and bright and tantalising as she breathed her answer across his lips._

_"Surely that wouldn't be difficult. The James Potter I knew could have a girl, any girl on her back within a week. I'm allowing you six months considering the damage you probably dealt your chances yesterday. Childs play. At least for the man you used to be. "_

_Her hand crept up his arm coaxingly, blonde head tilted innocently to the side in a gesture he knew full well had been copied from Jenny. She didn't quite pull it off as well though. In the brief moment that passed, a thousand thoughts had run through the boy's impressive cranium. _

_Still he looked down at her, his face a blank mask and she knew he was understanding way too much of what she wanted to keep hidden. Sure enough he said quietly_

_"Don't mess with me Dale. This isn't even about me. What's the girl done that's got you riled up like this. Made a move on old Pascal? "_

_The smile was quickly wiped of her face and she glared at him and hissed._

_"Pascal is completely devoted to me!! "_

_James smirked at her infuriatingly and shrugged, taunting her sweetly_

_"He must be if he's keeping clean whilst sharing dorms with Black. Though that said; if the rock on her finger is anything to go by, it's probably due more to his terror of winding up buried somewhere under Malfoy Manor, than his professed love for you. But hey, whatever helps you sleep at night babe. " _

_He winked, cruelly mocking as the bitch's teeth ground together audibly in her mouth. Everyone knew she detested Narcissa for a) her obvious beauty and b) the fact that she had somehow snagged, in Cecilia's opinion, the most eligible bachelor of the decade. Malfoy and Narcissa. To the world they were the perfect couple, and if James knew a little more of the leaden truth behind the gold-leaf image of this apparent marital bliss, that was not something Cecilia needed to know. Instead he returned to one of his favourite activities, taking the piss out of the rich but idiotically pompous Head Boy._

_"And you're seriously thinking about marrying this guy? "_

_The blond opened her mouth to throw back a snippy reply but he was ahead of her, already moving on, already there, eyes suddenly fixed and direct as the light came on, and he laughed out loud as the bitch's rage suddenly made sense._

_"It's because she's Sirius' girl isn't it? " _

_The fierce flames in the blonde's eyes and the flush of her cheeks made answering unnecessary, and again James laughed, openly mocking at the depths girls would sink to seek revenge, all because a guy. His obvious derision made her blush an even deeper red but she tossed her head angrily, her expression fierce as she spat_

_"They were down in the common room last night. The little slut was playing the "Oh, I'm so innocent ", "Oh, I'm so upset, I just lost my best friend in the world, boo hoo hoo!! " He was actually hugging her!! Letting her cry out all that rubbish onto his shoulder. I felt like puking. "_

_"I can imagine. "_

_Her gaze shot to his, instantly suspicious of the innocent sincerity behind the words. Sure enough both were belied by the laughter dancing in his eyes and she fought to regain some control of the situation._

_"That's beside the point. I'm saying that that you couldn't get that annoying little red-head to sleep with you in six months. "_

_James smirked and shook his head. _

_"You and I both know you're lying Dale. "_

_"Then how much are you willing to bet me? What, the great James Potter too scared; of getting turned down again perhaps? I suppose you're probably right; your reputation probably couldn't take another blow like yesterdays. "_

_A spark of anger gleamed in James' eyes and his voice lowered, saying darkly;_

_"Don't push your luck, Dale. "_

_Cecelia sniggered and shook her head pityingly._

_"I knew it; you really are losing it James. Pity, you were such a fun plaything. "_

_Quick as lightening his hand shot out and grasped at her chin, forcing it upwards so that she smiled sweetly into his furious face. He snarled down at her, goaded beyond endurance_

_"Whatever you want Dale. And in return what you are you intending on offering me? Beside eternal slavery. "_

_Her face lit up mockingly at the thought and she side-stepped the question, saying with interest_

_"Anything I like, you're prepared to bet? That's awfully cocky James. So sure you're going to win?"_

_James half-laughed darkly and curled his lip at her. _

_"Sure? I'm bloody certain I could do it. But you haven't answered my question. "_

_The blonde's smile gleamed in triumph and she replied smoothly, eyes sparkling will the thrill of victory._

_"I'll match your offer; anything you like Potter. "_

_He growled. She only called him Potter when he was fucking her, usually followed by a scream of unbearable pleasure. She could feel it too, pressing up against him and at the same time pressing her advantage. The friction of her legs against his lower region was more distracting than he'd cared to admit but he hid it well, smirking down into her face before replying softly._

_"Fine. If I won; you would have to break up with Pascal. "_

_Cecelia pulled abruptly away, her eyes wide with shock and growing anger but he followed, continuing smoothly with the same evil smirk._

_"And you have to do it in such a way, that he'll NEVER take you back. "_

_His words hit her for six, she gaped at him in pure horror before hissing viciously_

_"You sick, twisted, son of a bitch. "_

_His rich mocking laugh echoed round the Room of Requirement tauntingly, his smile gleaming as he said sweetly_

_"What's up Dale. You talk the talk but you can't walk the walk? I expected better from you. "_

_She was still seething, her teeth bared like little white pearls, all gnashing together behind the slabs of pink lipstick, when all at once she smiled, soft, appealing and innocent as a baby's._

_"You're on. And in exchange…I get everything. "_

_James stared at her, for once completely bemused but all she did was smile that same, victorious smile before saying finally_

_"Everything. The entire Potter fortune. I want it all. "_

_"You're…crazy. "_

_"You want my form of security, I'm just asking for another. If I can't marry a wealthy wizard I'll just take another wizards wealth. After all, what do you care? There's no way you're going to lose. Right? "_

_James gaped at the girl in disbelief, half-laughing as he asked incredulously_

_"You're serious about this. "_

_"You said you'd be willing to bet anything, that you could get that girl into bed within six months. I'm just wondering if that's really true. "_

_Again he laughed and Cecilia frowned, slightly puzzled. James only smiled more cynically, enjoying the perplexion in her rather wishy-washy blue eyes before finally tilting his head to the side in a gesture identical to the one she'd tried to pull on him earlier. _

_"So that's what you were after. Curious. "_

_The rich mocking laugh escaped again as she scowled up at him and, just like that he struck the final blow, saying with fake cheeriness._

_" Well unfortunately Dale, as I believe I said earlier; I'm not doing it. " _

_The sudden furious horror on her pale face made his smirk stretch even wider and he grabbed the robes he'd thrown other the couch and turned to the door._

_"You said it yourself, Dale. She's Sirius' girl. And brothers don't betray brothers. No Marauder would ever betray another, especially not for a chick. So find someone else to do your dirty work. See 'ya round! "_

_On those words James pushed the door open and swaggered out of the room, mind already far from the discussion he'd just had, or even the seething girl he'd had it with. Mentally, he was already running under the stars, dog, rat and werewolf at his side, and, excitement giving him wings, James threw the invisibility cloak over his head and made his way down towards the secret backdoor that led to the Hogwarts Grounds, never imagining that, at that precise same moment, Severus Snape was doing precisely the same thing._

_Cecilia never found out what happened during the few short hours between the moment her ex-lover had left, and the moment the next day when James dragged her into an empty classroom, only to throw three words in her face. _

_Nor did she find out why, for the last days of term, Remus Lupin was strangely absent; why Sirius Black was forbidden from the entire next year's worth of Hogsmede Trips and why the Marauders were suddenly, frighteningly torn apart. _

_All she knew was that those three words meant that the little redhead bitch was finally going to get what was coming to her, once and for all._

_"I'll do it. "_

_End Flashback_

* * *

If the silence in the Head Boy's Dorm had been heavy before, it now hung thicker and more cloying than bubator pus. For the briefest of moments Sirius could only stare at the almost-man who he would do anything for, die for even, unable to register the sickening confession. Then, as James had known all along he would, the absurdly beautiful dark-haired boy cracked.

"YOU BASTARD!!!!!! "

CRUNCH!!!

The fist sunk into James jaw as if it were a paper bag, and the pain, however expected, still made him hiss through his tightly clenched teeth. Again the fist came back, harder this time, smashing into his cheek bone, and he felt the skin split with a gush of blood. And still he did nothing, said nothing, not even attempting to dodge or block the blows, instead allowing his brother to hurt him anyway he chose because after all, what else did he deserve?

"You took it out on her?!!! MY betrayal; you made HER pay for it?!!! How could you?!! You twisted piece of shit!!! "

Sirius' wand was out now, and James cringed just a little at the frightening black madness in his brother's eyes as they glared into a red mist of rage, not even seeing. The wand came down with a flash and a second later James was hanging by his ankle in the air, a prisoner of one of his own favourite spells.

CRASH!!!

The pain as his body slammed headlong into the wall, crushed the air out of his lungs and James gasped despite his silent vow to remain silent. The sound seemed to bring his friend back from the edge. The insanity left his brother's eyes and Sirius lowered his wand, fighting the temper that pounded in his blood, simply staring stony-faced down at the other boy's crumpled form.

Sudden enough to make James flinch, his arm lifted, but instead of throwing a curse, to his shock it was the wand itself that flew past his face, bouncing of the rug and rolling into a corner. Sirius clenched his fists and concentrated only on the act of breathing.

For a full minute neither spoke nor moved. Then, in a voice devoid of any emotion at all Sirius murmured quietly

"You lied to me. "

James' gaze never left the floor, but he managed to spit out sheepishly through the blood

"Yeah. "

Sirius nodded then said again, stating rather than asking.

"Because I betrayed you all. "

James winced and immediately disclaimed. He knew it would happen, knew his friend would think like this. Twisting things around, making it all his fault when only he, James, was to blame. Sirius had suffered so much for that night of madness. That awful mistake.

"No!! Yes.. I was angry!! Hurt!! And…yes; betrayed but that doesn't excuse it!! I was even jealous for fucks sake!! Does that show you how dumb, and truly pathetic I was at that moment?!! All I could think was the fact that you'd betrayed us; US, the Marauders for Merlin's sake; just for some girl!! I was pissed and it hurt! I felt stupid alright, having swearing so blithely to that blond bitch just hours ago that speech about how a Marauder never betrays another, and then…the thing with Snape and I just snapped!! "

He finished as a whisper, bitter and full of shame and self-disgust and for the first time Sirius lifted his ebony head and looked at his brother. A second later James found himself being hauled to his feet and deposited, albeit rather un-gently, on the nearby bed. Finally gathering the courage, he looked up to meet Sirius' gaze but those violet eyes were completely blank, giving nothing away as to what his next reaction would be.

Again it took him completely by surprise. Without a word Sirius grabbed James' wand unceremoniously out of his hand and pointed in at his brothers jaw. James didn't flinch.

The Episky spell hurt like hell, but James stifled the whimper; his brother was not likely to be either interested or sympathetic about the pain he was feeling.

As soon as the damage was healed Sirius stepped away abruptly, as though unable to bear the proximity of the friend who had betrayed him so badly. Still looking anywhere but towards the bed, he finally asked quietly

"What happened after that? "

James hesitated, but Sirius' violet eyes flashed to his, burning with barely suppressed rage and James winced and returned to the terrible story from where he'd left off, forcing the words out of his mouth with as business-like a tone as possible, as if somehow it would make hearing it a little less painful.

"I got down to business. The first step was to make her stop hating me. After the thing with Snape, I was pretty much on her « Top-Ten-Most-Detested-Things-In-The-Entire-World » List, so as soon as we were good again well, you remember; I asked if I could come with you that time to visit her when she was working at Flourish and Blotts. "

Sirius nodded impassively, all emotions safely locked away, at least for the moment.

"You wanted to apologize. "

James looked away before continuing, his voice just a little more bitter.

"Yeah. And it was true to some extent; I needed to get that apology over and one with. The first step towards getting her just to think me tolerable as a person. I learnt that speech of by heart, delivered perfectly and even got a smile in return. Step One completed. "

Sirius let out a noise between a half-laugh and a snarl but otherwise didn't interrupt. So James carried on, the words pouring out of his mouth so easily, as he realised just how much and for how long he'd burned to tell his friend everything. But still in that stone, impassive tone.

"Step Two was to become someone she didn't mind spending time with. Slow, typical drill; finding out the girls interests, her likes and dislikes, her sense of humour; everything that could help me BECOME that kind of person. So when you were of with one babe or another, I went and visited her. Not often; from time to time. Never staying too long to begin with; just an occasional chat, maybe a joke, a quick sarky comment I knew she'd appreciate, but always being the one to leave first, always leaving her wanting more. "

The other boy's hands clenched into fists, but still he said nothing, fighting back the anger and disgust, and James continued the blank, emotionless monologue as one dead.

"Only when, for the first time, she actually asked me to stay a while, did Step Three begin; becoming a friend, someone she would hang out with by choice rather than obligation. So I'd stayed a little longer, smiled just a touch more genuinely, got her to talk about herself, always making sure to remember everything she told me. And it was easy. Because unlike most of the chicks I, WE knew, she actually WAS quite interesting. She liked things that…I didn't expect, like Quidditch and sudoku puzzles and yet drawing too and I got curious, wondering how a girl who loves to draw can still like things to do with numbers too, and was that why she'd continued Arithmacy instead of Ancient Runes like Emily? She started talking more and more; about her friends though; never her family. "

" And then finally one evening after she'd finished work she suddenly asked me if I liked ice-cream. I remember laughing. Who doesn't? I think I said and she kinda blushed slightly and said that she was sure someone, somewhere in the world probably absolutely hated it and she stuck out her tongue at me like a three year old. It was the first time I burst out laughing at one of the totally random silly stuff she just DID, for no reason whatsoever. "

The affectionate smile was audible in his voice, not only his face and Sirius' lips curved ever so slightly in echo as both of them felt a burst of warmth for the completely crazy little sprite.

Then the moment passed, the quick warmth in the room retreated just as rapidly, and the other boy nodded again for him to carry on. James swallowed and took a deep breath, fighting for the courage to spill it all out. Everything. Nothing but the truth. He owed his brother that.

"So we went for an ice-cream, " again he half-laughed, " She got chocolate all down her front and turned such a BRIGHT pink, it looked so stupid but so…adorable somehow. And it was…nice. Not wow, or mind-blowing or anything I would have expected if someone had told me I was on my first unofficial date with the girl of my dreams. Just…simple…and fun… and easy. I didn't even have to act because it all so…natural. And when we got up to go, it was just as natural that I offered to walk her back to the Leaky Caldron. She grinned and mocked me for being all protective when we were in Diagon Alley for Merlin's sake. And then Tom told her off and she laughed at both of us, calling us silly old worry-warts. "

James snorted and pushed a wayward lock of hair out of his eyes ruefully, rubbing his forehead as he struggled for his next words.

"She was right. I was worried, though Merlin know I would have died rather than have admitted it, especially not in front of Tom. So I just shrugged it off and reminded her she was technically older than me. She did that pouting thing with the lip, you know, and you just HAVE to give in… "

"I know the one you mean. "

The first words Sirius had spoken in over ten minutes; they were curt and abrupt as the accompanying nod but somehow, James could feel the tension in the atmosphere lessening ever so slightly, and he continued, just a fraction more easily.

"Tom gave me this wink as she fake-stormed up to her room, pausing at the top of the stairs to grin down at both of us, like this naughty child who'd succeeded in getting out of trouble. I think he knew even then, but I didn't. I didn't have a clue how deep this was getting. All I knew was that I liked spending time with her. It was a job, but hey it wasn't an unenjoyable one. As chicks went she wasn't that bad. Not clingy or jealous or throwing tantrums left right and centre because I was five minutes late or hadn't brought her an apology gift. She didn't…expect anything and that really…disconcerted me. If I turned up she was happy and if I didn't, she didn't bear a grudge. "

James found himself shaking his black mob of a head, still somewhat amazed by the memory.

"Somewhere around the middle of August, walking her home had become a habit, but she never expected me to…to DO anything, like make a move or ask her out. She just accepted the kindness, without the thought even occurring that I WASN'T nice, I WASN'T the kind of guy who would walk a babe home without at least a snog in return. And so…it didn't even occur to me ask for one. "

For the fraction of a second a sheepish grin flickered in James eyes and he admitted ruefully

" Though I sure as hell wouldn't have said no, I was sixteen years old and hadn't had a shag in over a month. And Lily was always cute, but somehow it just…wasn't important. "

The laughter disappeared, James eyes seemed to stare into the past, even now a little bemused by his own actions.

" Like somehow I knew it was going to happen…and I was willing to wait. Me. James Potter. Famous for shagging girls on the first date and never asking for a second. It was like I was living it this kinda dream-world. The whole thing about the bet, shagging her then dumping her; it just…faded into the background. "

James lifted his head, suddenly realising that Sirius' gaze was suddenly fixed on his face and he flushed slightly, realising how very unmanly and altogether soppy he'd just sounded, but the other boy said nothing, simply looking at him with those great violet eyes and waiting for him to continue. So he did, lips twisting into a smile that was more obviously bitter.

"Then start of Term was only week away and reality set back in with a jolt. I'd wasted so much time. I'd had all summer to get in her pants and I hadn't even gotten round to snogging her yet. I panicked and decided that next time I walked her home, I'd simply do the thing. She liked me, I was roughly ninety percent sure of this, so it was going to be easy. Walk her home like usual, make her laugh, smile charmingly down at her, she'd get that dazed look in her eye and I'd just lean down and…kiss her…at least that was the plan. "

Suddenly James looked up, rueful self-mocking laughter curling his lips derisively. He met Sirius' slightly questioning gaze and said half-sadly, half-accusingly

"You didn't tell me her parents got murdered in Diagon Alley, during the school holidays of third year. "

Sirius' eyes widened in sudden worried comprehension and he spoke without thinking

"Tell me you didn't… "

James' bitter half laugh cut him off.

"I didn't have a clue. She just asked if I minded going with her to this place. It wasn't far she said, just a quick five minute walk, it was only just up the alleyway. I knew it. It was right by my favourite Quidditch Shop and she kinda tensed but smiled weakly and said yeah, that was the place. God, was I a prat. I was only thinking about getting her in a good mood and here she was, going to the spot her parents had died, two years ago to the day. She was trying desperately to hold back tears but I was too wrapped up in my little plan to even notice. And then we got the street and I was all prepared to grab her and snog the life out of her… "

Sirius was leaning forward now, agony in those impossibly purple eyes, pleading for him to say he hadn't done it, hadn't been that stupid, that awful. But James wasn't looking at him. Instead his gaze was fixed on the fingers that was clenched upon his pulled up knees, his teeth grinding together as he said the next words so quietly that Sirius had to move still closer, just to hear.

"And then she broke. And I didn't know what to do Padfoot… So many tears…pouring down her face, she was so white, even in the darkness she seemed to glow; she was that pale. And I just…stood there…panicking. Not understanding until finally she choked it out. The truth. Why she had wanted to come that night. "

James hissed and pounded his thigh with his fists and swore, the self-hatred spilling out even after all this time.

"She apologized! The stupid little thing actually thought she was in the wrong, upsetting me with her " silly emotions " . She said she was sorry! She hadn't meant to break down on me like that…I must…think her really…stupid. There she was, reliving the deaths of her parents and she was worrying about ME!! My feelings!! Me, the person who was secretly planning on breaking her heart and making her suffer like this all over again!! "

James head sank into his hands, and Sirius winced, hating the fact that his brother was close to tears, but still too furious to force out words of comfort. James wouldn't accept them anyway. And still the truth spilled out, in a quiet, tortured whisper that made Sirius' heart bleed for both his friends.

" I never…felt so…disgusted…with myself …than I did that night. And I just took her in my arms and held her, not even saying anything in case I spilt out the truth. Suddenly I was petrified. What was I doing? How could I hurt her even more when she was hurting already so badly? That night I would have done anything…to stop her from crying. Said anything, meant every word, given her the world and more if only she would stop because for some reason, every tear hurt like a bullet in my chest, and it scared me. Shit, it bloody petrified me. "

For the first time since James had begun, some spark of pity flashed across Sirius' expressionless face, feeling his brothers fear, confusion, still angry but appreciating what the revelation must have done to him.

"When I took her back, I didn't have a clue what to think. All I knew was that I had to stop this nonsense. I couldn't start caring about her feelings, she was chick I was supposed to fuck and dump, for Merlin's sake. So I stepped back a gear, just enough to get my head straight. School started, I charmed. A week passed; I flirted. Two and she was blushing when I touched her arm. By three, I knew I had her. Easy. Simple. Step Four complete. "

James glared moodily at the wall, as though he could see his own face there, and Sirius simply watched and listened and waited. The boy took a deep breath and somehow Sirius knew that they were getting close, he remembered what happened next, but he listened with all that unnatural patience.

"It was the 30th of September and she was sitting by the lake. It was McKinnon's birthday, had been, would have been, whatever… "

A flicker of pain crossed James face, a thought for the man he'd known and liked, before continuing with the story.

" I found her there, tears running down her cheeks but she still managed to pull out that brave smile, genuinely pleased to see me, and it stung. She…talked about him and just like that I found myself reaching for her hand, just…just needing to comfort her. That was when the first stirrings of guilt crept in, up my spine, as she leaned in…ever so slowly…shyly. I was taking advantage of her so badly; I knew it. And for a single second, somewhere, conscious kicked in. I couldn't do it. I moved back. "

"But when I pulled away, she looked so…broken, so hurt that…I didn't care. The moment of pity, of guilt, it all didn't matter because right then, right there, I wanted her. "

Again James pulled his weary gaze upwards to look his brother in the eye, self-disgust and pain written all over the chiselled features.

"I kissed her Pads. And it was like the first breath of oxygen just after almost having drowned, desperate and needed and…just like that…I realised I'd wanted it for months, without even realising it. The word "bet " niggled at the back of my mind but I couldn't even concentrate on it, I wanted her that badly. I asked her out. And her smile…it was like…like… "

"Like a sunrise…blinding…beautiful and warm. "

James held the other boy's gaze and nodded ashamedly,

"Yeah. "

"Prongs, there's one thing I need to know. "

James waited solemnly, the affirmation evident without words.

"That night, the night you slept with Dale, who were you thinking of? "

Silent understanding passed between two brothers, hazel locked with forget-me-not blue in a battle and an embrace of two halves of the same being. James nodded, eyes burning with honestly as he finally spoke the words Sirius needed to hear.

"I was thinking of her Padfoot. Every moment she was in my thoughts, and it was her face that kept me going, gave the strength to go through with it. "

"She wanted it as payment. For keeping her mouth shut. "

It was a statement not a question, and James almost smiled at his friends incredible intellect and acuteness. Of course he would understand immediately, but still James felt it was his duty to his brother to explain fully.

"I don't why she wanted me to say it. I brushed it off, thinking it was just another stupid girl issue, wanting to me the first one to hear the words. I didn't care. I didn't mean them. They could have been my name and date of birth for all I gave a damn. But that was part of the deal. The Contract. "

Sirius looked up.

"You made a Binding Magical Contract? "

James nodded tightly.

"I had to be sure, that she wouldn't say anything. So I offered her whatever she wanted. I said the bet was off so she was already entitled to the money. And for her silence she wanted me to fuck her one final time and tell her I loved her. I drew it up and we signed it. If she spills she loses the money. If I don't give it to her she can tell whomever she chooses. "

Sirius simply stared at him, suddenly comprehending the enormity of what his friend had done. For a moment he was speechless then finally coherent words managed to form and he said blankly

"All of it. "

Another nod, more bitter than the first and Sirius gaped.

"You gave up your entire inheritance… "

"Leave it Pads. "

"The Manor, the Stadium…for Lily? "

"I said LEAVE IT. "

"But Prongs… "

"It doesn't matter. "

James tried with all his might to conjure up his trademark smirk, but somehow it came out as a mangled grimace. The cynical gleam in his eye was purely self-mocking and he walked over to the window and threw it open, gasping thankfully for the cool night air.

Sirius simply watched him from the bed, staring, in some strange mixture of a thousand emotions. The anger was still there, the hurt and betrayal, but stronger than that was the pity, the sorrow for his brothers pain. Because whatever James had done they were still brothers. Bound together by bond nothing and no on could ever break. They could never not be.

The softest tiniest smile curved Sirius Black's perfect lips, and for the first time that night, the one single dimple peeped out. He sighed with exasperation and leaned nonchalantly back on the covers. James turned around at the sound, a bemused frown on his face, that only increased when Sirius, to his complete shock, did the most unexpected thing he the world. He shot him a rueful grin.

"Well, what are we gonna do? "

James' expression was blank and Sirius' smirk widened tauntingly at the not particularly attractive codfish look his friend had decided on sporting.

"…we? "

"Come on Prongs we've been through this drill loads of times. One of us fucks up. The other cleans up the mess. So; lets start cleaning. "

For a moment there was not single sound in the Head Boys Dormitory. Then, just like that, a huge, goofy grin spread all over James Potter's face, something he thought would never happen again. But the moment lasted only an instant. A second later James sighed, closed his eyes and turned back towards the window, his grip tight enough to turn his knuckles deathly white.

"Not this time mate. This time, I'm the only one who can set this right. "

* * *

"So that's it? You're just going to GIVE UP? "

James look wearily up at his friend who was now pacing back and forth across the room, all his legendary calm for once thrown out the proverbial window. Sirius in fact had not taken kindly to his brothers plan for his angel's well-being, but then James hadn't expected him to. Again he repeated the same arguments, his messy head falling into his hands as his body protested more and more against it's activity at 4 o clock in the morning.

"What else do you expect me to do Padfoot? I practically ruined her life in every possible way, tore her to pieces, humiliated her time and time again! You think I can even look her in the face?!! "

"You love her don't you? "

Sirius gaze was hungry and demanding and James sighed again, wishing it were only that simple.

" Of course I bloody love her. I've loved her for almost two whole years without even realising what was staring me straight in the face. But I can't hurt her anymore. How can you, loving her as you, even want me near her, mate?!! "

Still that ravenous gaze boring into his and James winced. The idea of never speaking to Lily again, never touching her, loving her, it was almost killing him as it was and his brother wasn't exactly making this any easier. Sirius gave one final huff and threw himself unceremoniously onto the bed beside him.

"So that's it then. Over. You're letting her go. "

James' face was wracked with pain but there was no wavering in his voice as he said softly

"Yeah. I have too. "

Sirius leapt up again and began retracing the same steps as five minutes ago, finally stopping and throwing out his hands in the beginnings of angry impatience. The six foot two figure was intimidating and despite himself James winced under his friend's bitter disappointment and anger.

"The James I knew didn't take no for an answer, ever! He never conceded the game until the opponent said checkmate. And what about her Prongs?! Does't she get a say in this?!"

Sirius' eyes were dark and worried, as though already imagining the pain this step would cause, to both his loved ones. James forced out a cynical half-laugh, trying to keep his voice from catching pathetically.

"She hates me Pads and…lets face it…who can blame her? I don't want to see her face screw up in pain every time she walks out of her room. "

"You're serious then. You're really going to do this. " Sirius demanded.

And James nodded, sadly, painfully but most of all with a twisted shadow of a smile that mocked the wearer bitterly

"I'm meeting with Dumbledore tomorrow. I'll recommend that Remus be given the badge; Merlin knows he deserves it, probably way more than I ever did. "

"They'll want to know why. "

"And I'll make up something; pressure being Quidditch Captain, homework. I'll find something. "

Sirius look down sadly at his friend, pain evident in the taught lines around those hauntingly beautiful lies. He wouldn't oppose James in this; it was no other person choice to make. But still, the thought of more half-truths, more deceit and betrayal of the other two Marauders; it stung like the lingering ache of a crucio.

"More lies mate? " he asked softly

James' answer was just as quiet, filled with resignation.

"Just one more Sirius. Then I'll be out of that dorm and she can be free again. "

"You know that you're just running away. "

"I…I have too. If I don't… "

Suddenly the words burst from Sirius' lips before he could force them back.

"James don't do this. She loves you! "

The other boy winced, physical agony burning him as the words made it sound all too real. But he had to be strong. He had to let her go. Give her a chance to get over the pain and the hurt he caused.

"I know, at least I thought…hoped even. But that's why I can't be close to her, Pads. She…if she changed her mind…I'm not strong enough to turn her down. I need her to hate me. So that I can't hurt her anymore. "

Sirius swore and punched the stone wall, the force leaving a bloody mark on both the rock and his knuckles but he didn't seem to even notice. Then a thought occurred.

"What if Dumbledore refuses? "

James met his hopeful gaze determinedly. He'd already figured that one out.

"I'll skip duties until he gives in. "

"You seriously think this is the right thing? Once you do this Prongs, there's no going back. "

"I know. And… »

Sirius winced and made as if to move towards him, as his brother's voice caught but James was still stronger than anyone he'd ever known. He fought, spitting out the words as fast as possible to keep the tears from falling.

" Dammit Pads… it's like someone's tearing my heart out of my chest, like I can't breath and…it's worse…because I know it's never going to go away. But she deserves so much happiness, and for every smile I've brought to her eyes I've made her cry a thousand tears more. I can't continue doing that Pads. I can't keep watching her face crumple in pain, nothing I'm the one who's done that to her. She deserves so more than that, more than this worthless piece of shit I've become. "

"What if she doesn't want more? " Sirius asked bitterly.

James lifted his head and his hazel orbs seemed to glow with a sad, trustful smile that almost broke Sirius down.

"She will. " he said softly, never dropping his gaze.

" Because you'll convince her of it. "

Sirius spun round angrily, eyes filled with shock and furious disbelief.

"What?!! "

But James warded off the rant that was hovering on his best mates lips, holding those flashing eyes in a grip of iron, refusing to let go, forcing him to hear him out.

"I need you to do this mate. You're the only one who'll get through to her on this. Merlin knows I don't have the right to ask you for anything at this moment in time, but I have to ask this one last thing Pads. "

He paused, the pain etched into every line of that handsome face before speaking with forced numbness

"Make her hate me. Convince her that she should never speak to me again. Tell her what you've know all along. I'm quicksand, pulling in and choking anyone who comes near me. For her mate; you have to. "

Sirius turned away, clenching his fists in an effort to refrain from punching something as he forced out bitterly over his shoulder, the agony catching in his throat and making the words come out choked and hurting.

"You're always asking for more James… What if this thing I can't give you?!!"

A last sad smile lit up James' hazel eyes, love for the idiot in front of him filling them with a warm golden glow.

" You've got to. Because deep down, you know I'm right. I've never said it Pads, but I'm sorry for doing this to you, for tearing you in two every time. "

Nothing flickered on Sirius' expressionless face but the words were out before James had even finished.

" And every time I stand by your side Prongs. "

A statement. Not proud, or boastful. Just a truth, that both of them had always known. It made his heart feel a little warmer but he shook his head gently, keeping his eyes on the boy in front of him.

" But this time…you got to let her win. Got to take her side. Which means you have to do this, not for me but for her. "

The look on Sirius' face threatened to tear out his soul; the expression of pain and unwillingness agony for one who loved him to see.

" You want me to hand you the knife and watch you cut yourself to pieces. "

Two gazes locked with a ferocity that would shake the foundations of the world.

" And you'll do it. " Sirius nodded tightly.

" As always. "

And both of them whispered at the same time, one sad, the other painfully bitter

" Because you're my brother… "

The words were a reminder of a solemn pact, sending a flicker of something round the room and all at once, the tension broke. The smile moved to the hazel-eyed boy's lips, and for the first time that night, great hazel eyes filled with tears that could no longer be held back, as even James' great strength finally gave way.

The mop of shaggy hair sunk into his toned arms, and the other boy moved to his rightful place at his side and holding him in an embrace of iron until the painful, silent sobs subsided, silently hating fate for hurting the two people he loved most in the entire world.

* * *

At nine o clock that same morning, the boy's gold-skinned, dark-haired face tensed with reluctant determination and a brown hand lifted, its aim to knock unwillingly on the Portrait Hole to the Head Students Common Room, as for the thousandth time Sirius Black wondered what the fuck he was doing there.

"My Dear young man, I quite simply can NOT let you in. Perhaps it is time for you to learn that some desires, " the little man glanced towards the mirror that stood to his right, his expression hungry.

"Simply may never be fulfilled. So you see…I BEG your pardon?!!"

"I said BULL! "

The wrinkled mouth dropped open and the dreary man stammered, aghast.

"How…how dare you address me in this… "

Sirius raised one slender eyebrow in a way that would indicate to those in the know that his legendary patience was beginning to wear dangerously thin. He could feel the deadly familiar sensation of boredom creeping in, last nights long repressed temper stirring and decided that, for the shrimps own good, it was time to stop playing nicely-nicely. Sirius reached a brown hand into his pocket, drawing out a simple black marker pen and twirled it dexterously between his fingers.

"Do you know what this is? " The question was soft, gentle; a lilting caress that seemed to sweeten the air around them. The occupant of the portrait shook his head, eyeing the innocent stabilo warily.

"Zonko's latest invention: "The Ever-lasting-Any-Magic-Defying-Grafitifyer " . And guess what; come's in 10 different colours too. "

The man's adam's-apple bobbed as he swallowed. The boy's beautiful lips curved before splitting into a spine-chillingly evil grin. Violet sparks danced in Sirius' eyes as he reached once more into the black folds and brought out not one, not two, but three more marker pens.

"Unfortunately for you, there happened to be a "Buy Three Get the Fourth Free " deal on when I nipped round there last week. Now…my dear sir…would do me the immense favour of opening this door? Or shall I call Peeves and see if he's interested in taking some Art Lessons? "

Before the words were out of his mouth, the man was gone and the portrait swung hastily open. Sirius replaced the standard muggle highlighters in his pocket, reminding himself to visit old Zonky next time he was in London and ask if he'd ever thought about designing such a pen. After all, the boy smiled innocently, Hogwarts could do with a little makeover.

A moment later though, the light-hearted thought was pushed aside. The perfect face hardened until it could have been set in bronze, and a whirlwind of emotions flashed in those violet eyes as Sirius Black resolutely stepped through the open door and into the Head Students Common Room.

The sun was almost fully hidden behind the girl as Sirius loped gracefully into the brightly lit, round room without a sound. One long leg was pulled up under her chin, the other draped casually over the edge of the window seat's velvet upholstery. The smooth skin glowed like cream silk, graceful fingers floated lightly over the oak mantle as though dancing a waltz and her long black hair twisted and twirled as it tried to escape the efforts to control it. She turned as he entered though he had made no noise, and the eyes that suddenly widened in surprise were of a celestial blue that put the sky behind her to shame.

For once, Sirius Black was lost for words.

* * *

It seemed the cruellest of irony, Emily thought bitterly, that the late September morning was the most beautiful one they'd seen in weeks. The storm from the night before had been chased away by the fluffiest of white clouds, dotted casually over the bluebird sky like sheep in a field. The sun seemed to cheerily mock the world and the dreams that had been broken in the small hours of the morning, and she pushed her black locks angrily back behind her ears, defying the light breeze that seemed to take impish pleasure in teasing the ebony strands. Then she tensed, fingers clenching sporadically on the knotted wood.

She wasn't quite sure how she knew he was there. There had been no sound, nothing to announce his arrival but it didn't matter. Only one person could rake those unfairly beautiful eyes over her in that blank, emotionless way. And only one person could cause the hairs on the back of her neck to slowly stand to attention, the shiver running down her spine as though his golden fingers had traced the white skin.

Emily blushed as his eyes dispassionately took in every inch of her, never slowing, neither appreciative nor even unimpressed. He simply looked, observing her tensed figure as though it were a textbook. The reasonable part of her mind was reminding her practically, that at least he was for once actually acknowledging her existence; he was certainly showing more interest than he ever usually did; but the girl inside her couldn't help but sigh ever so slightly in disappointment.

Emily was neither vain nor a fool. Merlin knew that she possessed neither Lily's glow, nor Alice's grace, and certainly not Jenny's raw sex-appeal. She was pretty, people said, often with their heads cocked to the side as though trying to say something fair but nice. Pretty because every feature was basically fine. There was no big fault or blemish. Every part was…ok. Her nose was small but slightly retroussé, her face rather heart-shaped rather than the classic oval and her figure was well…average. Neither thin nor curvy, neither big busted nor small, not tall and not short either.

Only one part of her entire body earned any real admiration; her eyes. Eyes so blue they were famed throughout the whole of Hogwarts, with one look they could make heads turn and men stare and blush like fools. Huge, dark and fringed with lashes as black as her hair, they were perfect. So the world thought. Emily pushed roughly away the familiar clench of pain and swallowed, fighting to pull herself together. If only they knew.

Her head lifted, chin set with sudden determination and for the briefest of moments Sirius wondered at it, before a moment later the interest was gone. It was only Blackwater. What did he care about her facial expressions. Though, as he had entered, for a nanosecond he, Sirius Black, had been surprised, shocked even at coming face to face with something that for the first time, he actually found beautiful.

In his entire life, five things had ever taken his breath away. Just five. Lily's warm, loving smile of acceptance. Regulus' first gurgling laugh. The silhouette of the Hogwarts castle reflected in the lake, shuddering as the boats passed. The Marauder Tattoos, side by side, hands and lives bound together until death. And Narcissa's words of farewell, accompanied by that one last, sad smile. No more. Because when one awoke every morning to gaze into the mirror at a face such as his, physical beauty simply had no effect.

In the life of a Black, everything was beautiful. People, ornaments, art. Any member of his so-called, he spat the word viciously, FAMILY, could have made millions with their faces alone. In was in the blood, he thought bitterly, the prize and privilege belonging to those whose lineage had never been touched nor tainted by that of muggles. His face alone marked him as a member of one of the oldest of houses. The style of beauty of course varied from bloodline to bloodline; the Blacks, probably due to the incestuous tendencies, had kept that purity to its maximum; the effeminate perfection, along with flowing ebony hair, was one of the strongest traits remaining. On James' side it was weaker; the Black blood from his grandmother only softening the more masculine features of the Potter lineage.

The Pureblood fanatics always declared that blood will out, and, looking into the mirror every morning the millstone of his surname seemed to hang a thousand times heavier round his neck. A reminder every waking moment of the evil from which he had been spawned.

Perfection was a curse. Beauty simply meant nothing.

Usually.

Sirius Black was not, on the other hand, one to deny the obvious and he was ready to admit, albeit a little reluctantly, that as he had stepped into the round room, his breath had been stolen momentarily away. Thankfully however, reason had returned a mere minute later.

Momentarily dazzled by the direct sunlight streaming in through the window, he had thought the wild, untainted nymph the most beautiful thing he had ever laid eyes on. Her posture screamed of longing and wistfulness, the wind whipping up her hair as though willing to take her with it, a creature a free and unblemished as nature itself.

Then her eyes had met his and reality had dropped back into place almost instantly, and though he ran his eyes dispassionately the girls face and body for any remnants of whatever it was that had momentarily quickened his heartbeat, his search yielded nothing. It was only Blackwater, mediocre as ever, he concluded, ignoring the tiny flash of relief and returned his gaze to hers.

"Your skirt has blown up. "

Emily flushed bright red and pulled the grey fabric quickly down, berating herself inwardly for the swoop in her stomach she'd felt as he'd opened his mouth. Of course it would only be for a dumb thing like that. Bloody prat. She slid of the window seat and regained her poise, determinedly ignoring the fact that her cheeks hadn't quite returned to normal pallor. Taking her deep breath, she forced the sarcastic grin back onto her face, her hand coming up to rest causally on her hip, and quibbed back brightly.

"Like you haven't seen it all before. What can I do for you Black? "

He raised a cynical eyebrow. Emily copied the movement triumphantly and for the briefest moment she thought she saw a flicker of humour in those beautiful purple-blue eyes, just a glint before it was gone and the boys face became once more cold as stone.

"Where is she? " he asked, ignoring her question completely. Memory of the night before returned. Emily's face dropped, her eyes clouding with worry and she leaned back against the sill with a sigh.

"Asleep. Finally. If you really want I could wake her… " The offer was obviously reluctant. Up close the heavy black circles under the girl's eyes were much more obvious. Sirius shook his ebony head.

"Let her sleep. "

Emily nodded, eyeing him curiously and wondering whether he intended to wait or come back later. The boy didn't look at her but turned around and swaggered over to the leather sofa, lowering himself onto the velvet cushions with all his typical nonchalant grace. That answered that question anyway. Settling himself comfortably, Sirius folded his toned arms and proceeded to fix his gaze of the flames that flickered lightly within the confines of the stone fire.

The silence hung long and heavy and after several strained minutes, Emily finally gave in to the complaints of aching muscles and stretched, feeling more and more uncomfortable with every unbroken second of it that passed. Shrugging inwardly she moved to return to her place on the window seat and her occupation of watching the Ravenclaw Quidditch Practice, when suddenly his velvet voice interrupted her, low and strangely bitter.

"Aren't you going to gloat? "

Emily turned, registering only the fact that he was voluntarily speaking to her, rather than the actual question. Dammit girl! Focus! And then she frowned, hearing but not understanding the words and therefore unsure of what answer to make.

His chin lifted and she almost gasped as his violet eyes scorched into hers, tense and burning with hurt, painful fire. He continued, words biting and harsh.

"Go on. Say "I told you so. " "

"I… "

Suddenly the anger erupted, the fire leaping from a spark to a fearsome blaze that made Emily instinctively cringe away.

"You were right. He cheated on her. Despite swearing on a six year friendship that she wasn't going to be like all the others. That he wouldn't hurt her. "

His lips twisted into a cruel, self-mocking sneer.

"The great Sirius Black; too wrapped in his own delusions to see what was staring him straight in the face. "

The bitter half laughed echoed off the stone walls and Emily winced but stayed silent. The pain in his eyes made her heart clench and finally she spoke.

"I didn't want to be right… "

The quite words were cut off by his cynical snort of disbelief and she lifted her eyes from the floor to glare into his features that were twisted with so much hurt they were almost unrecognisable. The sight stung but the anger wouldn't loosen its grip that easily and she continued fiercely, holding his murderous gaze.

"You think I wanted things to turn out like this?!! To have my best friend sobbing herself to sleep over the Prince of the School?!! I wanted to believe he'd changed, Black! I would have given anything in the entire world just to know that somehow, she'd done it. That somehow the player had managed to be converted, however unlikely I'd always thought it was. I wanted more than anything for him to prove me wrong, dammit! "

Black strands fell into eyes that blazing with two blue fires and she pushed back the locks angrily, struggling to control the breaths that were coming fast. He stared up at her trembling figure from the couch , the black rage in his face pushed momentarily back by shock, a ludicrous expression of uncertainly flickering across his features.

Emily closed her eyes and took a deep steadying breath. She shook her head and turned back towards the open window, allowing the breeze to cool her face and slow her racing heart. When she finally faced him once more, she was surprised to find him still staring at her, cold and impassive and waiting for her next words with all that unnatural patience.

The girl sighed and voiced her question, softer now, embarrassed by her outburst.

"Why did he do it, Black? Lily says there wasn't a reason but, if you're here and if you're talking to him after what he did, somehow that means he really does care. I don't think you could forgive him if he didn't. "

The words were gentle and coaxing and dangerously close to the mark, Sirius cursed inwardly. Her intuitiveness was only making this harder. The shock and hurt of last nights discovery still ached worse than one of Bellatrix's crucios, lingering in the heart and mind, always knowing, scratching and biting at his self-control. The pity in her voice was something he despised, stoking the familiar burn of the deadly temper he always tried to suppress. But if he hesitated she would know she was right. And for James, for his brother, he couldn't let that happen. As though from far away, Sirius heard his own velvet voice reply quietly sharp

"I wish Water. The truth is you were right. He lied. He is James Potter. And James Potter and monogamous simply do not and never will go together. "

Hearing the words aloud suddenly made it all far too real. This really was the end. He really had betrayed them, hurt them. James had broken her, and now, today, it fell to Sirius to deal the final blow. The boy's head dropped into his hands, waves of ebony streaming through shaking fingers. Sirius screwed up those beautiful violets and allowed a single gleaming tear to fall.

"I'm sorry. "

Words! Then a touch, just the briefest brush of cool fingers across his shoulder but both made his head shoot up in shock and sudden panic. He scrabbled away from the person as though she had burned him and leapt off the sofa faster than the eyes could see. He stared at the girl in rapidly growing anger, anger that burned like a torrent of flames, fanned by the mixture of hurt and sudden shocked embarrassment. There was hurt on her face but he neither saw nor cared. All he could see was red. Black murderous fury escaping from every pore and his fingers clenched and spasmed as though yearning to strangle the person who had just seen him at his very lowest.

Seen him as Black as his name declared. He could feel it taunting him, hear her cruel mocking cackle laughing at him as he swore he would be different. HE would never be like HER!

"Don't…touch…me. "

Hissed words forced out with shaking breaths, the murder on his face for once banishing that hated perfection.

"I…I'm sorry…I just… "

He snarled, an all-consuming rage too great for even his legendary self-control finally escaping, spitting and roaring like an animal caged too long. And hatred; hatred he hadn't felt in years. So much…

"You're…sorry. "

The whisper was sweeter than honey, and lashed like a cat'o nine tales. Emily flinched and unconsciously took a pace back, away from the cruel, wild, inhumanely beautiful smile. He followed, graceful and languid and yet so tense she could almost see him shaking. Her breath caught as he drew closer, locking those terrible eyes with hers and imprisoning her with that deadly curve of the lips.

"For what Water? For me…? "

"No...I mean… "

"Your pity means NOTHING. Who…on earth…do you think you are?"

Emily winced. Merlin how the words bit, stung, ached. Of course she knew that. But kicking her when she was admitting defeat like that was pure evil. He didn't stop, his soft lilt almost musical, the hot breath on her cheek a scalding caress as he stepped forward yet again to torment her with his proximity. And all the while his eyes never let her go.

"You're pathetic Water. You think I didn't know. Didn't see through your feeble attempts at hiding it. "

A tiny waft of anger crept up her throat, giving her strength to croak hoarsely.

"I don't what you're… "

Then that cruel silken laugh once more, and her breath caught as his dark head lowered back down to trap her again in his smouldering gaze. Triumph and disgust waged war in those heavenly violets and he dealt the final blow with a frightening relish.

"You want me more than any of them. "

Pain. Humiliation. Hurt. Back to pain as she forced her voice to refrain from catching.

"You're wrong. " she tried weakly. His eyes gleamed darker with cruel humour and he leaned close enough to for one ebony curl to fall forward and brush her cheek.

"You pathetic little bitch. I can see it in your eyes; the want,… " closer.

"Desire… " he leant closer still , too close and she thought her heart was going to simply explode in her chest. He paused before breathing the final word over her trembling lips.

"…Lust… "

"Shut up… "

"Hiding it all the time, dreaming of being different, despising them all, when really you're exactly the same as every other airhead in this school. Dazzled by a pretty face… "

"I said shut up. "

"You think know me Water. All you know is that you craves this body and you believe that gives you the right to feel pity for me..? You think you can imagine how I feel right now. My pain. My hurt. My anger. You seriously are deluded enough to imagine that you have any idea of what I'm feeling at this moment!! How much this hurts??!!!"

SLAAPPPP!!!!!!!!

Skin collided with skin, the sound ringing round the stone room and Sirius fell back clutching his cheek as one stunned. Sanity seemed to return to his face and he stared at the girl standing before him, eyes bright, fists clenched in a mixture of hurt and furious anger. Then she spoke and for the first time in his life, Sirius Black cowed before the venom in a voice.

"Look at you. Are you even listening to yourself? The great Sirius Black stomping up and down like a three year old in a toy shop. Grow up you son of a bitch!! "

He retreated as she stormed towards him, enveloped in an black aura of altogether scariness.

"Yes, he lied to you. He broke your little pact thing and yes you probably do feel like absolute shit right now Black. But guess what?!! You're not the only one!! Why do think she never told you, wanker?!! So that you WOULDN'T feel like this!! So that you wouldn't hurt and know just how much your so-called-BROTHER played you and her for a fool!!!

Shock made him unable to do anything but gape and cringe as she threw still more at him; vicious, lashing words that hit home like a mallet and made something in his throat seem to catch.

"And here you are; sitting here, taking it out on the world, acting like her sacrifice meant shit!! How bloody low can you stoop Black?!! How selfish can you be?!! "

"That is ENOUGH!! "

Two matching ebony heads swung round in shock, two faces the very pictures of shame and guilt.

Lily stood there in the open doorway, her figure tiny in the heavy oak frame; she looked so fragile, so broken that Sirius thought he might weep. Her eyes were red from hours of crying and even from across the room he could sense her hands trembling from the vibrations in the air. She looked from one to the other, emerald eyes filled with reproach and pleading. She couldn't take more arguments, more hurting people she loved.

As if in answer to his thoughts, her white lips parted once more and her broken whisper echoed hauntingly to his ears.

"Please…don't… "

She shuddered from head to toe and collapsed , shaking, into Emily's already outstretched arms. Their personnel war was forgotten, he came immediately to her side and picked up his angel's fragile form and carried it into the bedroom, gently placing her on the scarlet covers. Emily watched blankly, before nodding and pulling the door quietly too behind them, leaving the pair alone.

* * *

Neither boy nor girl spoke; she, a white knuckled hand pressed over her eyes as if struggling for the strength to break the oppressive silence; he waiting wordlessly by the bed, unable to look at her, and to face what he now had no excuse not to do.

Lily made the first sound, a soft painful sigh as she pulled herself away from the covers up into a sitting position, automatically grasping at her knees for support. The movement made him turn, concern a momentary distraction from his self-disgust and she looked up at him, trying hard for a smile that was meant to reassure, but seemed to fall apart half-way. The eyes that met her pitiful gaze, were strangely lost, scared even, like a little boy separated from his parents and her lids stung, for him rather than herself as all the pain she'd tried so hard to protect him from, simply leaked desperately out of those beautiful eyes. But first there was something else that had to be said.

"You shouldn't have hurt her like that Sirius. It's not her fault. She tried so so hard to get over you… "

He snorted, a hint of the earlier cruelty, for a second pulling down his brows into a cynical sneer.

"How hard can it be? You can't love what you can never understand. "

"But that's where you're wrong Sirius. She really cares, if you only knew how much… "

"Enough Lily. " He cut her off abruptly and she fell obediently silent, her head drooping sadly to her chin.

His gaze lifted to fall on her fragile figure and he sighed in frustration, hating the fact that he was hurting her further on today of all days, but she had to understand.

"Lils, look at me. "

She struggled but, finally her copper head lifted, the bangs falling aside to expose those great sparkling emeralds, so sad, so trusting as she waited patiently for him to continue. So he did, staring deeply into her eyes trying to convey it all to her through his gaze alone

"You mean more to me than any other girl on this earth, but you're unique. I CAN'T care about anyone else besides James and the guys and you. You're it for me. And that's never going to change. It's not even a question of not wanting to. All the others, scurrying around their pathetic little lives so convinced that I'm their one and only. It's all I can do to make myself tolerate them, every moment is a trial not hex them into oblivion, you can't imagine how much I loathe each and every one of them… "

His voice caught and he looked away, her eyes were shining with unshed tears but he forced more words gruffly out, fighting back the pain.

"I know you want me to feel guilty, to feel bad at having torn that girl to pieces. You want me to feel shame and to know that I'll never do or say such things again, but you got to understand… "

Huge glowing violets sparkled as he met her gaze and held it with a grip of iron, begging her to comprehend

"She means nothing to me. No more than a piece of rubbish on the sidewalk. If she weren't your best friend in this world I wouldn't even remember her name of her face. I can't…feel guilty about hurting her anymore than if I'd stepped on a weed in the garden. The only pain I feel is at having wounded you via her and I know that's not what you want. "

Her expression was one of sadness and disappointment and it stung, horribly. But he was Sirius Black and he was this cruel, egotistical, son of a bitch who didn't and never would give a shit about other people. His last words came out as a croak, half shaking as he forced them out through a clenched jaw

"But it's all I have… "

He gasped as her arms came around him, hugging him to her tight enough to crush the breath from his lungs. For a moment Sirius didn't move, then the shock gave way to incredible relief and he hugged her back, his body trembling with silent sobs, burying his face into her hair and simply giving in to the need for reassurance. Needing her pardon, for having disappointed her, for having let her down, for being unable to protect her, for having been to blind to see.

Her fingers caressed his head, white ships in a sea of black, while her voice whispered soothing nothings, her arms refusing to let him drown in his misery.

Then, reality returned.

Sirius' eyes snapped open and he pulled away quick enough to bring a flash of concern into her eyes, but he couldn't dwell on it, there wasn't time. His decision was made. But if it was going to do any good he had to hurry.

"Lils, you've got to go, now! " she stared at him in bewilderment, looking from one eye to the other trying to understand his sudden panic.

"He's gone to Dumbledore. I wasn't supposed to tell you until it was all decided. He's giving in his Head Boy Badge! "

"…What..? "

"I know what he did was awful, terrible, sick, cruel, humiliating, every word there is but, if he does this, he's going to be expelled. The governors won't take it, not after last year. This was it, his last chance after that…SICK prank last year. If he doesn't succeed as Head Boy he's out. "

Lily shook her head, the words still weren't making sense

"But then why…? "

Sirius couldn't meet her gaze, he dropped his head to stare at the wooden floorboards and bit out with difficulty.

"He doesn't want you to have to see him, to spend time with him, to be forced to remember, all of it, every day. He wants you to…to get on with your life. That was why I was supposed to come, to convince you never to speak to him again, to make you hate him even more than you do right now. "

Finally he found the courage to look at her face. It was pale, frozen, eyes blank and unreadable.

"I know it sounds so pathetic to say this now, after everything that happened last night, but Merlin, Lils; he loves you! More than anything in this entire world he loves you and, being so close to you, he's scared he'll crack, he'll end up...forcing you or something else ridiculous,…I told him it was a shit idea, but he won't listen. God knows I can't expect you to want to help him, I can understand that, really, but please…just, tell me…could you, however impossibly, still manage to love him after what he did. Because if you do…, you need to stop him, before it's to late? "

He stared at her, at that pretty, no beautiful, face that was still so pale and so closed. Then, suddenly the sound he least expected escaped from those lips.

She laughed.

A soft, broken shell of what her laugh once was to be sure but still, it warmed his heart with the first stirring of hope. Her head lifted and her expression was soft and sad but the smile was still warm and still loving.

"Love him? " she snorted quietly before lifting her burnished head and holding the boy's gaze in one long, searing look.

"I can't bloody live without him. "

She sniffed and brushed the tears out of her eyes impatiently, saying with a grin that still trembled ever so slightly

"I'll need a guide. Some of us actually managed to avoid the Headmasters office for the most of the past six years. "

She barely had time to finish the words and he was swinging her up and around the room like a doll, his bright bark of a laugh enough to make her grin sappily back and she giggled as he put her down, dragging him towards the door.

Emily's voice echoed after them but they sprinted past, through the portrait hole and away, feet slapping the stone slabs over and over again, he a few meters ahead, she allowing his hand and his strength to almost drag her along. Portraits flashed by like the posters on the London Underground walls, Lily's chest heaved, breaths coming thick and fast but there wasn't time to stop. So they ran, faster than Lily had ever run before, praying with each gasp for air that they weren't already too late.

* * *

"No. "

Two faces gaped at the revolting little gargoyle with identical expressions of pure disbelief. Sirius' brows descended into a glare that would have had ninety percent of the Hogwarts population running away very very fast, his outrage so much that he, HE, even…he could never remember the incident without cringing, ugh…spluttered!!

"You've got to be kidding me! I was sent up those stairs 50 times in my first week! And you're telling me, Sirius Black, that now that I actually WANT to see the Headmaster you're not going to eff-ing allow it?!!! "

The smirk twisting the little monster's face was infuriating and by Merlin did he know it, the snide mockery evident in his sing-song voice as he said

"The Headmaster is currently engaged. Please leave a message and return in half an hour. "

"You…little…!! "

Thankfully Lily interrupted before the dark haired boy could finish liberating his wand from his robes, saying beseechingly

"Please, you've got to let me up there! I'm Head Girl for Merlin's sake! Doesn't that give me…I don't know…unlimited access or something?! "

The stone figure stroked his chin thoughtfully, apparently oblivious to the two very different pairs of eyes fixed upon him, one blue and beautiful and ripe for murder, the other greener than the brightest emeralds and just as shining as they pleaded desperately for his compassion.

"You wouldn't be Lily Evans now, would ya? "

Sirius's exasperated snort was drowned out by the redheads eager affirmation

"The one they're talking about up there? "

"YES! Now please…wait, they're talking about me? "

"Not helping Lily! "

" Right. Yes! That's me, so please, you gotta let me in! "

The last words were almost a whisper, heartfelt and so broken that they seemed to tremble with sadness. Portraits up and down the corridor muttered and glared at the stone gremlin, one witch even had tears in her brown eyes as she sighed over the little redhead girl's fragile beauty. Lily ignored them all, every scrap of her being conveyed into that silent plea.

The gargoyle looked at her helplessly before, to Sirius' complete and utter astonishment, nodded moodily.

"GAH!! Fine. Go ahead, you little witch and stop looking like the world's come to an end, for pity's sake. "

Lily was already scrambling past him, pausing only to drop a sudden brief peck of the thing's ugly head and Sirius raised one derisive black brow as the stone seemed to turn a shade darker. The girls shadow disappeared up the golden stairway and Sirius Black, closed his beautiful violet eyes and allowed himself to breathe. One deep sigh; nothing more. Just enough to grasp at the control he was so famous for and that he seemed to have discarded somewhere on his way to the Heads Common Room that morning.

The young man snorted inwardly at his own rather pathetic behaviour. A tantrum, a hissy-fit and then to top it all off, a manic sprint down several floors; all things Sirius Black had sworn never to be caught doing. Thank Merlin there had been nobody about. And if Blackwater had any sense at all, she would do better not to mention his slight off-day to the rest of the Hogwarts student-body. But the sudden madness was over. Time to regain some of his credibility.

And in true Sirius Black style, he did; sauntering off down the corridor, completely unaware of the curious eyes of all the occupants of the paintings he passed. Ten minutes later, those blue eyes fell on his watch with a smirk of deepest satisfaction. Before his attention was reclaimed by the demands of the pretty brown-eyed blond whom he was in the process of sending past the stars and into the most beautiful ecstasy.

* * *

The steps seemed to go on for miles, her feet were moving up and down in an endless, frantic march that made her calf-muscles protest and moan. The silent swearing helped though to a certain extent, each painful step punctuated with a choice word or epithet of the prat who also happened to be the one and only love of her life.

Step. Idiot. Step. Arsehole! Step. Shitbag!! Step. Son of a friggin…! Dammit, no! She couldn't insult Moniqua!! Ohhhh….FUCK you James!!! She was running out of names!! Euhhh…Prat, idiot, hmmm…nincompoop? Too formal. Not vicious enough. Vile, despicable, arrogant…of course!!! TOERAG!!! THE adjective that defined James Henry Potter! If she did say so herself.

On that happy thought, the most beautiful, wonderful, blissful sight in the world met Lily's exhausted but rather self-satisfied eyes; the door to Dumbledore's study. Praise the Lord!

First though, maybe just a teeny tiny pause, so that her lungs remembered what oxygen actually felt like. Lily collapsed onto the small rug that served as a doormat to the Headmaster's private rooms, cursing fate. This was NOT the heroine's entrance she had hoped to make. In the fantasy-slash-plan, the door would have been thrown open with flourish, earning a gasp from the audience who would each and every one of them be completely blown away by the poise, nobility and perfection of her entrée. Curled up on the floor, unable to even lift her hand to knock, was NOT quite what she'd had in mind.

Then suddenly the annoying murmur that had been buzzing in her ears since her dramatic dive for the ground, registered and Lily opened her bright green eyes in shock, her difficulty breathing immediately forgotten as she pressed her ear to the wood in an attempt to hear the discussion between the Headmaster and the Prat, with greater clarity.

* * *

"You are fully aware of the consequences your sudden resignation will have, I trust. "

The pause was heavy, but the boy's voice did not waver as he answered quietly.

"Yes, Sir. "

Professor Dumbledore sighed and rubbed the brow that was by now just a little wrinkled, with long clever fingers. His bright blues eyes for once were serious as he surveyed the boy who was arguably one of his favourite students, and who stood so determinedly before him, preparing to throw his entire future to the winds.

"James, you realize that I cannot force you to do this job. If you have decided that the almost certainty of expulsion means nothing to you, then, as muggles or even your own mother would say, the pistol I hold to your head is unloaded. But, I do beg of you my dear boy, think about what you are doing. Surely,…you will forgive my bluntness…surely your relationship with Miss Evans has not so suddenly deteriorated that your removal from her proximity is such an immediate necessity? "

James golden face was a shade paler, but nothing in his handsome features showed the sudden gush of agony the Headmaster's gently inquiring words had brought to the surface. If his hands shook at least the fingers were kept determinedly relaxed at his side, forbidden from tightening into fists, just as his low velvet voice was forcibly prohibited from catching when he spoke.

"I promise you sir; I have, contrary to your belief, thought this through. "

The old grey-haired man sighed, his long fingers coming to rest against each other in the sort of bridge he favoured and the blue eyes that peeped over the top, never left the boy's carefully blank face.

"Then please, for an old family friend who has only your bests interests at heart; explain it to me, this action that you have, as you say, thought through. "

James hesitated and then shrugged. Dumbledore was right to a certain extent; Headmaster and pupil couldn't quite cover the relationship between the boy and the man who had been brought up almost as a third grandfather to him. He had placed so must trust in him, believed in him when quite frankly he deserved none of it. The least James could do was try to explain somewhat this blatant throwing away of the second chance he had been offered.

The gentle understanding in the Headmaster's face made up his mind. He couldn't explain fully, but Dumbledore talked enough about love to hopefully understand the reason for all this. Why he couldn't stay. Why he had to try to let her go. So, guessing correctly that his Professor was probably aware for the most part of what had gone on between himself and the redhead, he took a deep breath and began to speak, in a low hoarse, croak

"It was all my fault. Right from the beginning. I hurt her. So, so badly sir. I broke her heart. "

His hazel eyes darted to Dumbledore's but the old man did not look away in disgust or anger, he merely held the boy's gaze, silently inviting him to continue. So he did.

"She was angry, she had every right to be and so she humiliated me, aiming for my ego because she believed… "

The words seemed to stick in his throat, unwilling to be spoken, to be accepted as real.

"…believed…that I didn't…care…about her. That she was just another fling, a chick to sleep with and dump and move on. "

James half-laughed, meeting the Headmaster's gaze with candid boldness, assuming, correctly once more, that the Professor knew enough of what was happening in his school to be aware of his past behaviour and reputation in regards to the members of the female sex. For the first time since the interview began, the was the tiniest hint of a twinkle in those bright blue eyes but the face beneath the bushy grey brows remained grave as pastor's. It echoed briefly in James own hazel orbs but a moment later the warmth was gone, and he continued the recital in the same painful tone.

"And that was the irony of it; she wasn't. She was anything but. It hurt… so much…when she told me it was just to get revenge for all those girl's hearts that I'd trampled on. But she didn't know, didn't realise just WHY it hurt so DAMMED much! Why I couldn't think straight or laugh anymore or even just brush it of as taste of my own medicine! I should have known, should have just waited to try and think about it. I knew she wasn't that kind of person, deep down! But I just…attacked. Lashed out without thinking, deliberately trying NOT to think because it felt like something in my chest was tearing straight in two!!

James choked, closing his eyes oh so briefly, struggling for control before managing to continue, trying desperately not to meet that compassionate gaze because if he did he knew he would just break down, once and for all.

"I couldn't breathe! Couldn't eat or sleep!! I just kept seeing HER! Everywhere… Even when I closed my eyes she taunted me; Her smile, her gorgeous, breathtaking eyes, her voice, her laugh…Day and night! Even when finally exhaustion would just make me collapse, she would still be there in my dreams… Only it would be worse because we'd be happy and together and it would all be perfect, just as it was…as we were… And then to wake up… and have reality come rushing back…it was like being stabbed straight in the heart with a knife…every single morning…every moment…"

A shudder, from head to toe.

"I was such a fool. "

James suddenly lifted his shaggy head and looked Dumbledore straight in the eye, shame and self-disgust blurring his gaze but making it no less intense

"You were right Sir. So right. I was sick, disgusting, evil… Hurting her over and over again…unable to bear the idea that she might just…forget my existence. Go back to how we were before. Never speaking to her again, never hearing her voice, never being allowed to just stare at her, for all eternity…nothing could have been worse. I couldn't face that. The indifference. Hatred, loathing, anything, just not…not indifferent. "

Anger made him screw up his eyes, raise his voice, grasp at his thick mop of hair as though wanting to tear it out, if only to block out the memory of his stupidity. Of her face. Time and time again. Hurt and bleeding and breaking, a little more each day.

Dumbledore's eyes were shut, a frown of something like pain or maybe compassion, making further lines appear on that already lined brow. There was so much he longed to say, words of understanding, comfort, reason perhaps. But James wasn't finished, and he wouldn't interrupt. There was so much that had to be said. And if the only way for her to know was through listening through closed doors then for the moment at least it was better than not understanding. Sure enough, again that velvet voice echoed through the cluttered yet somehow still airy, little room, a soft weary whisper, the voice of one who accepts and who hates but still is willing.

"I love her professor. More than anything in this whole god-dammed world I love her. And that's why…I've got to leave her alone. "

The black head lifted, hazel eyes simply brown, their golden light for once all put out, as empty as the his voice as he whispered

"I can't keep on hurting her. Even if it's just because I want her so badly, I can't just…hide behind that as an excuse. All I do is break her. I just…want to see her smile again. See her happy. Free. Even if I can't be part of it, just knowing that she's not in pain, that's I want now. The only thing I need. "

Strange how eyes so blank, so cold and so lifeless, could pin you to the ground and burn you in their intensity.

"Please Sir. Professor. Accept my resignation as Head Boy. "

Dumbledore opened his mouth sadly to reply, but before the words could leave his lips an almighty BANG!!!! Made the walls shake and the portraits shriek and scramble for balance as the door was thrown open with a slam and James and even Dumbledore shrunk ever so slightly away from the seething pillar of blazing fire that was, at this moment, Lily Evans.

James jaw dropped and Lily seemed to take even grater offence to the motion, emerald eyes flashing impressively through dangerously narrowed lids, but with a stunning self-control that Moniqua herself would have been proud of, she stalked like a tiger into the room and crossed her arms with a simple, beautifully comprehensive,

"No. "

James was too stunned for words, but this was probably no bad thing as the look in his love's eyes at that precise moment seemed to threaten immediate disembowelment if he so much as moved. Professor Dumbledore recovered himself in an instant and, very wisely one might add, did the only thing one could truly expect, when caught between a teenage lovers quarrel.

Albus Dumbledore chuckled merrily and walked with a definite spring in his step towards the door to his private rooms, pausing only to send an affectionate smile towards his Head Students, before closing the heavy wood softly behind him.

The silence he left behind him was…uncomfortable, to say the least. James would have possibly described the complete and utter terror he felt at that moment rather differently, possibly using such adjectives as "a-little-nervous-but-hey-what-was-the-worse-she-could-do? " Or if instead, he was being honest, something like "absolutely-positively-wetting-pissing-and-SHITTING-yourself-petrified!!! "

Gulping and trying NOT to do just that, was about the most James could manage under the glare that Lily was giving him right then. Somehow she'd managed to "incarnate " his mother to perfection. That thought alone was currently turning his knees to jelly. Then she spoke. Just one word but shit! did he wish she hadn't. James Potter, Hero, Captain, Player extraordinaire winced as the diminutive redhead moved towards him until they were barely a meter apart and said with the air of one pronouncing a disgusting swearword

"YOU. "

Wisely James decided that she probably didn't want an answer, and he probably didn't want to lose his tongue and so, really very very wisely, James stayed silent. Unfortunately for him, Lily was past the point of caring.

"YOU STUPID, IDOTIC, THICK, TWISTED, INSUFFERABLE, NUMB-SKULLED…TOERAG!!!!!!!!!!!!! "

Ok time to back away. Preferably very very fast. Lily wasn't having any of it. She seemed to double in size, pure fury growing into a huge burning aura of flames that seemed to surround her and make James' eyes water and his brain turn to complete mush. Shit. Why did she have to look bloody HOT when she was yelling at him?!! Definitely no fair.

Beyond thankful that she couldn't hear his thoughts at that precise moment he tried desperately to find the words, any words, that would placate the raging fireball with the voice of a banshee before him, preferably before she did something mildly psychotic like cutting off his hopes for any James Potter Juniors in the near future. Luckily however she did not seem to have the intention, as she once had threatened him, to cut off his balls and send them to him in the morning post, which, he reasoned, could only be a good thing. Then she started yelling again.

"How DARE you?!! How dare you even THINK of running away from this?!!!! You pathetic, cowardly piece of SHIT!!

Still she advanced and still he cringed further and further away, wincing at the venom in her voice, the very very dumb panic-mode part of his brain, hoping that this was only a "once a month " outburst. But the bigger, brighter and possibly more mature side knew full well that this anger was completely deserved and therefore, instead of following his natural instinct and searching for excuses, he hung his head and waited for the onslaught to burn itself out.

"How DARE you James?!! How dare you think you have ANY right to be the one who runs away here?!! Spouting this stupid nonsense about doing the noble thing!!! You think that gives you an excuse?!!! You're doing it for my own good??!!!! "

Her green eyes blazed gorgeously at him (why the fuck was he still thinking about how sodding attractive she was?!! Focus James you prat!!) and her breath was coming fast, her face flushed and pink and trembling with delicious fury, and impossibly, all his second brain could think about was shagging her as fast as humanely possible.

Then, the words she was shouting at him registered. It was like a douse of cold water. Memory of the night before returned. Her pain, her tears, the complete utter heartbreak on her beautiful face as she'd pleaded for that one last thing. A reason. A reason he could never give.

"Damm you James!!! You say you don't want to bloody hurt me, so STOP!!!!!! Try asking me what I want for a change!!! Rather than doing whatever you fucking think works best and leaving me to pick up the pieces!!! "

She was pushing him now, the anger mixing with hurt and the beginnings of tears and he felt like ripping out his heart and offering it to her as a tissue. If she cried, if he saw the diamonds trickling down those silken cheeks, he didn't know if he could stand it. He had to stay firm, stay strong, for her. But those tears, the catch, the choke in her words…

"It's for the best. "

A hollow shadow of his old voice, cold and emotionless and so far away. If he let her get closer he would never let her go.

Again her white hands shoved into his chest, bouncing off the hard muscles harmlessly but he deliberately didn't resist, allowing the pitiful movement make him stumble backwards. She followed, copper bangs falling into her eyes and sticking to the wet skin of her face, but she didn't seem to care. Her white hands were grasping his shirt, struggling between the desire to throw him as far away as possible and at the same time to drag him back, forbidding him to escape. She banged the fists once more on his chests, weaker this time, staring up into his face, with a painful mixture of anger and desperation.

"No..! You can't mean that. You can't! Tell me you don't want this!! "

"I… "

He couldn't bring himself to lie, couldn't make himself say he never wanted to see her again. Inwardly his mind was screaming. It's for her!! It yelled at him. It's for her own good!!

But she had already sensed the hesitation and leapt upon it, eyes desperate as they latched onto his beautiful face, willing him to look at her, both of them knowing that the moment he did, she would have won.

"You can't not want this James. You said it. I heard you! You couldn't not mean it!! Please! "

Still he fought, eyes screwed up tight and head turned desperately away in one last ditch attempt. Then her voice broke. The tears spilled over, the words catching in her flawless white throat

"Why can't you just say it?!! "

Her head dropped, until she was sobbing in his arms, and she whispered through the tears

"Why can't just you tell me you love me….? "

It was too much. Before he knew what he was doing he had pulled her into an embrace that crushed the air out of her lungs, his hand in her hair, burying his face in her curls and she clung to him just as desperately and right there, right then, he knew he was too weak. He couldn't live without her.

"God dammit Lily. I love you. I love you more than air or water or anything on this earth. Listen to me! "

His hands grasped the sides of her head and forced it up, so that she could gasp at the slow steady tears pouring down his own golden skin, his eyes shining pools of gold, blazing into her equally wet ones. He spoke the word roughly, for once without his famous charm and eloquence, only caring that she heard them, and believed them and never for a minute doubted that they were anything but the absolute truth.

"I love you Lily Evans. I need you, crave you like a drug. You're my sun and my earth and my life and everything else that matters, and that will never change. "

She stared at him, basking in that simple knowledge, revelling in the sound of it coming from his own lips, not just saying them to Dumbledore but to her. Looking her in the eye and saying the words she waited for, for so long.

Then his face filled once more with pain, his brown fingers grasping desperately at her flushed cheek as he stroked her hair and feasted his eyes on her face, as if… The fear suddenly returned. As if it were the last time….

Panic widened her eyes and he knew she'd understood and he babbled desperately as the tears welled up once more

"I don't deserve you Lils. You deserve a prince and I'm like the bloody…black night or something. You deserve so much better, so much more. Someone who doesn't make you cry like this,.. "

He fingers moved once more over her cheek, gentle this time as he shook his head bitterly

"I'm a shitbag, Lils. I cheated on you. Betrayed you. Tortured you and tormented you for almost an entire year. I don't deserve to even touch you right now. If I could turn back time…change all the bloody stupid times I fucked up…but I can't. I can't make it so I never hurt you. "

Hazel met green as James bent his shaggy head and eyes closed, pressed his forehead to Lily's and whispered

"I can't let you love someone like me… "

"Then change. "

James eyes flashed open, meeting hers in incomprehension. The beautiful emeralds were wet but shining with a sudden determination. They challenged him and he looked from one green iris to the other, trying to understand.

"I don't… "

She cut him of, deadly serious and in deadly earnest, locking her gaze with his and preventing him from escaping.

"You say you're not someone I deserve. Then become one. Become someone I can love, I can go out with. I can spend my whole life fighting by his side. "

James stared down at her, not quite daring to believe his ears, trying desperately to suppress the tiny part of his brain that had already understood and was now dancing a jig in pure joy.

"You're…giving me a second chance. "

Lily shook her head, all traces of tears gone, still fragile but with strength steadily growing in her gaze. Then the tiniest gleam of laughter.

"I'm telling you to start deserving me you prick. "

"But…how…? "

Lily pulled away, standing in front of him with new confidence, the beginnings of mischief in the backs of her eyes, just waiting to spring into life. She tossed her hair over a white shoulder with all the attitude Moniqua had taught her, and lifted her chin at him. Then, right on queue, those perfect pink lips curved into the most evil of smirks. Of course it was, it was HIS, damm her.

"Use some ingenuity. You're a Marauder; I'm sure you'll think of something. "

A snort of disbelieving laughter escaped before he could control it and he gazed at her as one stunned when she grinned impishly back. His hand crept unconsciously to his messy hair, ruffling it as he said half to himself

"I had enough trouble wooing you the first time, woman. "

She danced to the door with a merry laugh and a wink thrown mischievously over one shoulder, before slipping out and away, leaving only the echoe of her last words and taunting grin

"Well with a bit of luck we might see some improvement this time. "

When she had gone, James sank into the empty chair that always stood in front of the Headmaster's desk. His brown hand lifted and rubbed back and forth across his forehead ruefully, the smallest affectionate grin just curving his full lips. Then his turned, eyes glancing towards the she'd just left from and, just like that he let out a shout of laughter. Shaking his head and muttering one final sentence, he sat down to wait for Dumbledore to return so he could inform him of his decision to remain, Merlin help him, as Head Boy.

"One day I'm going to marry you, Lily Evans. "

* * *

Epilogue: of All Over Again Part 1

_Flashback_

_"You are a fool. "_

_She winced as he pulled the bandages tight, something, possibly exasperation making the gesture more abrupt and thus decidedly more painfully than she thought he'd originally intended. Her teeth clenched around her lip, holding back the whimper, but her gaze remained steady as she eyed him undecidedly through the fringe of black lashes._

_"Very likely. " _

_His eyes narrowed. She was being deliberately flippant, a glint of mischief ever present despite the candid look she was giving him as his pale fingers deftly tied the knot. He cast a wordless charm to hold the entire thing in place and threw in a quick spell that would speed up the healing process for good measure, before stepping abruptly away, his face averted as though he were embarrassed by the very sight of her._

_The girl bent and twisted the offending arm experimentally, a raised black brow the only sign of grudging approval. She stood, eyeing his rigid figure before finally saying with a slight accent_

_"T'ank you. "_

_No answer. No reaction. She could have been talking to a brick wall. The familiar burn of irritation crept up her throat, her hands clenched into fists as, for the thousandth time, he DARED to ignore her. HER!! Her chest heaved, her eyes flashed in the firelight of the Gryffindor Common Room, and she couldn't help it; the sixteen year old stamped her foot in frustration. _

_""YOU'RE WELCOME!! " Zat's it! All you 'ave to say!! POURQUOI DIABLE eez it so much to ask??!! "_

_Her fellow prefect's head turned smoothly, mahogany locks glowing amber to the roaring flames. She swore inwardly as his eyes stared straight through her brown forehead as though it were glass, cold and empty of anything but the faintest contempt._

_"ARGHH!!! _CHINGATE!_ Espece de…de CABRON!!!" The girl spun on her heel and stormed towards the portrait hole, her entire body trembling with temper. Damm him!! Damm him to hell and let him bloody rot there!!! _

_"Curfew finished some two hours ago. "_

_She rounded on him, black mane flying like a splash of indigo ink, white teeth flashing as she forced out_

_"Excuze me?! "_

_His eyebrows were slightly raised in obvious boredom, his very nonchalance made her want to scream._

_"Tomorrow is your day to patrol. Therefore you have no right to be out of bed at this hour. "_

_The girls jaw dropped. Was he seriously…? Again her black eyes flashed. She turned on her heel and wrenched the door open, cursing him under her breath for his bloody cheek at telling HER what she could or couldn't do!!_

_No sooner did her foot touch the stone slap of the corridor, then the hateful voice rung out, emotionless but somehow all the more galling because of it._

_"Detention, Thursday night Monroe! "_

_She gaped at him._

_"What?!! "_

_"I beg your pardon, I obviously wasn't clear enough. Professor Dumbledore will expect you in detention Thursday, most likely around eight o clock. "_

_"You can not be serious. "_

_"Deadly. One case of wandering about the castle after hours I can ignore. Another is quite simply, as the saying goes, taking the piss. "_

_Mountain trolls would have quelled before the look in Moniqua Monroe's eyes at that moment. The boy in front of her however could not have been less bothered. His hazel eyes were inscrutable, his admittedly handsome face a mask of stone_

_"'Who ze 'ELL do you zink you are Potter?!!! "_

_"I'm assuming that's a rhetorical question. " he replied cynically. She barely held back the need to punch the living daylights out of him._

_"You 'ave no right to… "_

_"I have every right Miss Monroe, because however unaware of it you seem to be, that name does not configure upon YOU the right to disregard any rule you choose. However much the world worships the ground you walk on, within these walls at least, your fame and fortune do not allow you to act as you desire. " Soft, emotionless, yet they stung like a whiplash._

_"'Ow much of a hypocrite can you be?!! Strutting around as eef you own ze place simply because you're ze Potter heir and prodigy. And eef you dislike me so much zen why the 'ell did you snog ze life out of me under ten minutes ago?!!! "_

_Light flared into his hazel eyes, and inwardly she couldn't help but crow at finally having provoked a reaction from him. Her triumphant grin made his lip curl in dislike and he cut back, silky smooth and cruel_

_"If you remember Monroe, you had stopped breathing. "_

_"PAH!! Don't BLooody lie Potter, you don't steeck ze tongue down someone's t'roat during mouth to mouth resuscitation! "_

_His hazel eyes flashed but he merely sneered at her, his voice laced with contempt_

_"Yet another example of your over-sized ego, Monroe. And if I did? "_

_She flushed suddenly, and glanced away, stumbling slightly over her words._

_"Well, you…must have done it for a reason, enfin... " she muttered self-consciously_

_For the briefest of moments his mask flickered. Then he said in the voice of velvet she hated most_

_"Monroe, one feels your conquests have gone to your head. You think you're the only pretty girl I've kissed? Please."_

_Somewhere in her chest, something felt like it was being crushed but she rallied, saying with careful control._

_"I don't geeve a damn how many of ze school sluts you 'ave shagged today Potter; I just don't want you passing on anyt'ing you've caught from zem. Now eef you weell excuse me, I 'ave a Quidditch Final to win tomorow. Good Night! "_

_He had to give the girl her due, her command of the English language really was remarkable, barring the inability to make a "th " sound and her infuriating habit of rolling every "r "._

_She marched to the stairs that lead to the girls dormitories, determinedly ignoring the way her hands shook ever so slightly on the wooden railing. _

_"Who were they? "_

_She paused unwillingly and bit over her shoulder_

_"What do you care Potter? You 'ave made it perfectly clear you don't geeve a damm about Katie, Simon or any ozer muggle-borns those PREECKS go around torturing. "_

_His face was once more that mask, cold as a glacier, hard as steel._

_"Their names Monroe. "_

_Moniqua sighed, too exhausted to fight._

_"Parkinson, Yaxely, Quaker and Marx. At least zey were ze ones I saw. A couple might 'ave gotten away. "_

_Henry Potter simply nodded, and Moniqua turned once more and made her way up the stairs. Her brown hand grasped the golden doorknob and she hesitated, before glancing one final time down at the common room from the landing. It was empty. Moniqua frowned and then shrugged and pushed the door open, allowing it to close behind her with a click. Down in the silent room a second noise echoed the first, as the portrait hole mysteriously opened and then shut, seemingly of it's own accord._

_The next day four Slytherins were transported to St Mungo's, the nurse having declared the curses used upon them beyond her knowledge of healing. One of them had apparently turned on the other three, before cursing himself in guilt. The investigators were baffled as to how the boy had managed to perform the spells, which were habitually reserved for the fourth year of auror training for those specializing in the study of countering dark magic. Two of the boys died in surgery, the third fell into a coma and was allowed to pass away three weeks later. The last survived but never talked. His tongue never re-grew._

_End flashback_

Moniqua awoke with start as her wand lit up and whistled to let her know she was running late. She checked her watch. 19h30. Best get moving. She sighed, inwardly cursing stake-out work. Another week of consuming fire whiskey in that dammed tavern. Moniqua tossed her ebony mane over her shoulder, as though trying to shake off her even blacker thoughts.

The daylight fought its way through the grubby window to catch on an object on the table with a flash of silver. Moniqua's face hardened. Brown fingers closed around the cool metal and then the wand lying beside it. Concentrate. She could do this. She had to.

Henry was counting on her.

* * *

**And there it is: the first part of All Over Again is finished. And it fits quite nicely in with the 20 chapters, 200000 words AND, hopefully…MAYBE 1000 reviews. If you all really really REALLY love me lol, which I probably don't deserve for making you wait this long. My only defence is that this chapter is almost 20000 words in it's own right, and, I hope, pretty decent. ;) Feel free to correct me if I'm wrong lol ^^**

**It's almost a cliffhanger and yet not; maybe more like a promise of something to come and I hope it leaves a nice taste in peoples' mouths before embarking on the next, what? Third, maybe half? Of this story lol. The bout of pure hatred is over, they both know they love each other and ALMOST all the secrets are out. All I can say is don't give up on me just yet, there is still plenty more action to come, but this next bit is going to be a little less angst and a little lighter and hopefully sweeter. **

**And there you are :D As always I hope you enjoyed and well, you know what I'm going to say lol**

**PLEEEEEEASE READ AND REVIEW!!!!!!!!!!!! :D :D :D you know you want to !**

**Lots of love to everyone who reads this story and loves it and the characters as much as I do.**

**Lili**

**xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx**

**PS: If there are loads of errors in this chapter DO tell me but please don't kill me for it lol, It is eight o clock in the morning and I have been working to get this finshed tonight since 11 pm yesterday sigh. Bear with yeah just for today? :)**


	21. Chapter 21

**To everyone,**

**I'M SORRY!**

**Long story short; Problem Laptop; Laptop had to be analysed from top to bottom; all clear; shutting up now; letting you guys read in peace. Full explanation at the end. I hope sincerely it was worth the wait. **

**Love you all**

**Lili**

**Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx**

* * *

**All Over Again: Part 2**

Chapter 21

The night was perfect.

The sky was a perfect dome of midnight blue with sprinklings of diamonds that sparkled blithely, content in their own dazzling perfection. The whispers of silver clouds rolled across the heavens like tidal waves in perfect, intoxicating synchronism, so that the odd observer could be pardoned for dawdling slightly on his weary way home, to simply stare and marvel at the sweet, seductive peacefulness of the twilight.

The moon was not perfect. One single sliver of shadow still darkened its very edge, fighting a futile battle against the almost full disk of silver. One last night it would hold true. Tomorrow the Queen of the Night would celebrate her fullness and gaze down heartlessly on the pain she would cause. Tomorrow the beast would awaken, reeking havoc and leaving chaos in its wake. Tomorrow he would bite and scratch and howl his evil to the forest and grounds, friends would be left broken and bleeding, torn to pieces by his own tooth and claw. Remus Lupin closed his eyes tightly shut and rolled over on his four-poster bed, away from the moonlight and the thoughts that tormented him.

In a similar room across the tower, Jenny Dreamer stared out the window at that same perfect sky and that imperfect moon. Tomorrow. The word taunted her, spoken in a horribly familiar voice that made her swallow and turn her gaze away from the night. Hazel eyes fixed blindly on nothing, tearless and empty. The girl shivered in the darkness fighting back the cold, numbing dread for another day, with one last glance at the moon and once last thought for him to give her strength.

Under that same moon, a thousand miles away, two dark figures cut back and forth across the blanket of stars. Two pairs of meter long wings soared in smooth, majestic harmony to the soft beat of the wind. There was a laziness in their slow regular drum, a sense of complete and utter confidence and why wouldn't there be; the eagle owl feared none, ruling the sky unchallenged from dusk till dawn.

The bright lights of London clustered around the dark snake of the River Thames like morning frost on a meadow. The owls swooped lower until the yellow mantle dissolved into individual spotlights, each one a streetlamp or a window or a car zooming down the motorway in and out of the Capital.

Lower still they descended, until human faces became visible and shop signs possible to decipher even at the still considerable altitude; the owl's night vision could see a mouse twitching down the other end of a football pitch. Feathers rippled as the two shadows flew silently into and through the slight golden shimmer that was the limit between the magical world and the non. The Alleys below them twisted like the gnarled roots of an oak tree, the well-lit respectable and upper-class areas easily distinguishable from the dark, forbidding backstreets that gentle folk took care to avoid. But it was down into one of these lightless streets that the two owls suddenly swooped, two dark bullets disappearing into the darkness.

The odd black-cloaked shadow prowled the dim streets of Knockturn Alley in search of prey, but not one head tilted upwards to observe the pair that curved smoothly between the tall crooked houses and dingy shops. The sign of the Cackling Crook swung with a scratchy creak as they flew past, unnoticed by the shady figures that shuffled through the door to indulge in whatever, probably illegal activity they had planned for that evening. Mr Burke's shifty bulbous eyes peered from behind dirty glass before turning the sign on his door from "Open " to "Closed ". The birds flapped harder, the lack of altitude meant no thermals to glide on but real hard work.

Still; not much further.

They turned the corner, sweeping down the streets until rickety houses replaced the grimy shop windows and only the odd candlelit pane of glass broke the absolute darkness. It was outside one of these windows that the two owls came to an abrupt and rather uncoordinated halt. The small glow of light from the candle on the inside ledge, made their feathers gleam as they moved, one midnight black, the other a warmer, richer shade of chestnut. Gripping the iron railing that ran outside the small pane of glass was far from easy, and it took almost a minute of flustered shuffling for both birds to finally sit comfortably enough to gaze piercingly into the room on the other side.

Through the murky window one could just make out the figure of a woman rising purposefully from the small rumpled camp bed that took up half the space in the tiny attic room. The only other furniture was a distinctly shabby bedside table, a small wardrobe and a trunk that looked like it had seen better days, that was flung open to reveal what looked like bundles of hastily packed clothing.

The woman herself was already dressed, giving the impression of having risen from a brief nap, and when she glanced at the window her face was set and determined rather than blurry-eyed from sleep. Long raven hair swirled around her brilliant dark eyes and the candle-light made her skin gleam gold. She fiddled with a few rebellious locks and straightened her robes before reaching into the dusty trunk and pulling out a flowing, midnight black cloak that fell heavily to the floor as she wrapped it deftly around her slim frame so that only her head was visible.

As the owls watched silently, she turned towards the bedside table and reached out a brown hand to grasp a small object that had been placed there. The dull light glinted on the silver barrel of the elegant pistol as she examined it minutely, her face unreadable as she tested the balance with a practised air. Then the arm holding the muggle weapon seemed to cramp. She stretched it out deliberately, twisting back and forth with a grimace and a weary sigh, her head turning ever so slightly towards the window.

In that moment, two obsidian eyes burned terrifyingly bright.

The owls barely had time to move before the deafening BANG of a shot being fired exploded into the night. Flapping their wings frantically, the two birds dodged out of danger as the tiny iron bullet shattered the dingy glass into a thousand pieces.

Moniqua stood still as a statue, dark eyes never leaving the now empty window frame, the silver gun still smoking in her outstretched grip. A few silent seconds passed before she marched to the window and leaned out, dark gaze sweeping the silent empty street. Nothing.

The Ministry Auror allowed herself only a moment's hesitation. If she hadn't imagined the feeling of being watched, whoever it was they were long gone; disappeared into the blackness without a sound. She couldn't dwell on it.

The heavy folds of the cloak's hood were thrown over her ebony head to obscure her face that was still tense. Then without a word she turned on her feel and marched to the door, her wand grasped tightly in her right pocket; the silver gun still hot in her left.

* * *

Sunday lunchtime in the Great Hall.

Students and teachers gorging their-selves silly and discussing with various levels of excitement the previous day's epic clash of the two greatest rivals in the school. Four hundred tensed figures all despite themselves waiting for the one person who was missing, the one person they'd all been waiting for since the moment they'd sat down to the table. Professors tapped their nails on the table impatiently, guy's snuck discreet glances at their watches; girls stared with pitiful expressions of hope every time some latecomer appeared through the massive oak doors, before dropping their pouting gaze to their plates once more.

And then, at twelve thirty-three precisely, the huge door to the Hogwarts Great Hall opened and a tall messy haired-figure stepped innocently into the morning sunlight.

Pandemonium erupted.

James winced and laughingly recoiled, as three quarters of the students rose from their seats clapping their palms together, cheering, screaming, catcalling and in some girls' cases, falling into a dramatic swoon. With everything that had happened both the night before and only a few hours ago, the fact that he had just won the first Quidditch Match of the season against almost impossible odds, had flown clean from his mind.

The moment could only be described as exhilarating, even now. The sight of so many beaming, adoring faces, all clapping for him, cheering for him, it was something that he had once sworn nothing in the world could ever top. Nothing could make his heart swell so much with pride, his eyes sparkle with such pure childish delight and his golden skin tingle with almost sinful pleasure.

And then he'd fallen for her.

If the smile that already stretched itself from ear to ear became just a tad cockier, it could not at least get any wider. Hazel eyes flashed round the room like stars, glowing and dancing with euphoria but not because of the hoards of appreciative fans. They raked the Gryffindor table, focused only on finding her but struggling to catch the mane of copper through the tide of students that still stood and clapped.

Realising the only way for him to spot her was to calm them, James sighed inwardly before raising his hand and waving to the masses, a nod here, a wicked grin there, shaking hands with those at the closest tables and indicating for them all finally to sit and carry on with what looked to be a very tasty English breakfast.

It took a few minutes but eventually they complied; first the male Quidditch fanatics, whose hungry stomachs called them back to their eggs and bacon, followed by the females, all of them blushing and smiling and batting their lashes like the sluts too many of them were. James resisted the temptation to roll his eyes. Instead he returned his gaze to the now thankfully calm and seated Gryffindor table, searching for that bottle green gaze that he couldn't help but hope would be looking at no one but him.

Which was why the sight of Lily Evans, laughing merrily across the table at Jamie Mclaggen, made his black brows descend faster than you could say "Quidditch ".

Jealously and rage battled with a new-found little voice in the back of his mind that screamed at him not to be an idiotl. Through the red mist he watched her bangs fall away from her face as she threw back her head in pure delighted laughter. White lids were screwed up in mirth and her smile would have held off twenty dementors. In that moment of unguarded happiness she lit up the room and even James could almost bring himself to forgive the many dazzled boys that were still staring slightly dazedly at HIS girl.

Almost.

She turned, her emerald gaze finally meeting his and the smile he had thought so perfect suddenly dimmed to nothing in comparison. There was a shyer curve to those tantalizing lips, but it was infinitely sweeter; a soft secret promise of affection and pleasure and maybe, he dared to hope, something more. Something wonderful. And so, albeit rather grumpily, James Potter smiled reluctantly back and nodded, because he wanted her badly and she was worth growing up for and he had to admit however sourly, that punching his keeper squarely in the face probably wouldn't come under Lily's definition of maturity.

Still didn't mean he had to like it.

Grinding his perfect teeth together, James swaggered towards the Marauder Space, trying to ignore the curious looks Peter and Remus were both sending him, one surprised at how long it had taken him to sit down, the other unfortunately more perceptive. The tawny-haired boy was eyeing him in a way that could only be described as enigmatic, and, more to distract his friend who was simply far too intuitive for his own good, James started piling his plate with sausages and asked just a little tightly

"You guys seen Padfoot yet? "

When Remus didn't answer, Peter stepped into the breach, his words rather incoherent through the mouthful of eggs, bacon and fried bread he'd stuffed into his mouth at once.

"He left early, sometime around nine-ish I think. Probably had an assignation with a girl somewhere. "He said rather unnecessarily, but for once James couldn't help but wonder if his small friend was wrong. His own meeting with Dumbledore had been at nine-thirty. Lily had interrupted at roughly ten o clock, and surely the only way of her knowing what he was doing could have been if a certain someone had spilled the beans. Not that he was actually displeased with the result.

"He came in early too. Long after the party had finished; four maybe five in the morning. "

Nothing in Remus' placid tone gave any indication of what he was thinking. No accusation or even implication; he could have been commenting on the weather. Still James shuffled uncomfortably, avoiding those amber eyes that seemed to somehow always see straight through him. Almost imperceptivity, those same eyes narrowed and James could feel the perspiration just beginning to mount on his brow. Damn Remus. Damn werewolf senses that had to already be picking up the unmistakable scent of fear that that was pouring off him in waves. Even his own, lesser sense of smell could taste it in the air; to lupine nostrils he would positively reek.

In an effort to distract himself as much as anything else, he turned his head to glance once more down the table, unconsciously searching for her burnished head and sparkling peel of laughter. Sure enough Lily didn't disappoint, but to James' deep satisfaction it was Jenny who was making her giggle now, probably with some wicked innuendo knowing his incorrigible cousin. Even from this distance he could see the glint in those hazel eyes that so resembled his own, mischievous and inviting but always with that famous, often irritating candour.

Yes, he grinned inwardly, Jenny Dreamer was nothing if not shameless. On not one occasion could he remember her flushing in embarrassment or dropping her head of untameable curls in humiliation. It was a trait that had always both impressed and frustrated him; from the day she had told him quite frankly that yes, it was her who had stolen his prized broomstick and flown it into the indoor swimming pool; who else was it going to be? Moriarty? A smirk escaped as he remembered his own five year old face, completely flummoxed by this WEIRDNESS. She didn't even try to find even a pitiful excuse and in James' young experience, one never admitted to guilt! But despite his outward horror it had been the beginning of a reluctant but very real respect for his three month younger cousin and he'd never forgotten it.

The memory dragged a snort of laughter from his unwilling throat, his lips curving into an expression of reluctant affection. The unexpected sound caused the werewolf's sandy head to lift from the paper and turn, amber eyes following his friend's gaze curiously. And before James could look away in sudden panic, his brother's jaw had tightened, his gaze hardened to stone. James swore inwardly at his own stupidity that had brought the sudden look of pain to his friend's already pale and weary face. It was cruel; full moon was mere hours away, Remus' temper was frayed at best and here he was reminding his brother of things he wanted nothing more than to forget.

James cleared his throat, having no clear idea what to say but knowing that he had to say something, anything, to wipe the taughtness from around the other boy's eyes. But before he could force out a single half-planned word, Remus' incurably neat hair gleamed as his head lifted and his gaze pinned the boy's mouth shut with the intensity in his glare.

"Don't Prongs. "

There was no hostility in the two simply spoken words, only an absolute finality, a silent warning that today was not the time. And James held that passive gaze sadly, until those amber eyes let him go and he was free to stare down the table once more and wonder silently for the thousandth time at his cousin's biggest ever betrayal.

It was then that distraction came, however unwelcome, in the form of Michael Davis, or Mick as his team-mates usually called him. The tall blue-eyed, blond Ravenclaw had been a firm friend of the Marauders, particularly James and Remus since fifth year, having been made both Prefect and then, in a year later, the Ravenclaw Quidditch Captain. They'd partied together and patrolled together more times than could be counted. Which was why the sudden blazing mixture of anger and jealously that was being directed at the boy from across the Great Hall made both the other two Marauder's look up in surprise.

If looks could kill Mick Davis would have been Avada Kedavra-ed then and then and Remus glanced warily from James' lived face to the other's oblivious smile as he walked casually towards their table. Closer and closer, and with each step James fists clenched just a little bit tighter until Remus's hand was half way across the table to steady his friend with a warning touch. But why was the question. Why was James so pissed unless…

Ah. That could be why.

Remus winced inwardly as Mick drew to a halt next to a certain laughing redhead and threw her his best dazzling smile, the one Remus knew for a fact James had taught him in fifth year as an infallable technique for getting a chick into bed with him. They never could resist it, and unfortunately that same rule seemed to be holding true for Lily.

The school werewolf snuck another quick glance at his best friend's seething profile and sighed. This was going to be one fun morning.

* * *

"Um, it's Lily right? "

Lily looked up at the speaker, the laughter from Jamie's comment on her Quidditch prowess and new-found sex-appeal still bubbling from her lips. She tossed her bangs out of her sparkling eyes and smiled innocently up at the tall newcomer before answering

"That would be me. Though being a prefect, Davis, you should probably know your Head Girl's name. "

Laughter erupted in the boy's navy blue eyes and he pulled one hand out of the pockets of his trousers to scratch the back of his neck,

"Yeah I probably should, shouldn't I. " he grinned, rather charmingly Lily couldn't help but notice.

The slight nervousness in the boy's admittedly handsome face had disappeared and she grinned back, pleased to have set him at his ease. Lily turned her small frame on the bench so that she could look directly up at him, before folding her hands in her lap and saying more seriously

"What's up? "

* * *

"Did you SEE that Moony, she's practically inviting him down her shirt! "

Remus Lupin allowed his brow to fall into his hand in exasperation, the other fist still holding tightly onto his brother's robes in an effort to prevent the boy from rising and starting a fist-fight with the Ravenclaw Captain in the Great Hall.

"She turned in her seat Prongs. " He pointed out wearily

"THRUSTING her rack out at the same time! Look at him, the git, he's practically drooling. "

Remus obediently turned his gaze down towards the pair who were now conversing lightly with each other and raised an eyebrow.

"And if he is? You're frothing at the mouth, which personally I find more worrying… "

James Potter swung round in a blaze of fury, and Remus couldn't help but flinch back just an inch. The look in those hazel eyes was ever so slightly scary; scrap that; completely homicidal, but he managed to keep the wariness of his face and put his mind to the rather more difficult task of calming his friend down.

"Prongs, I'm sure it's noth… "

Again with those eyes that looked as though they were ready to commit very bloody murder and Remus suppressed a wince.

"They're fucking flirting, Moony, LOOK at them! "

It was then that Peter added his mite by saying as he very often did, exactly the wrong thing.

"But…who cares? " He said with just a hint of sulkiness, before spluttering on his pumpkin juice as James shot him such a scorching glare he almost choked.

"I…care…WORMTAIL! Who does that prat thing he is? "

"Um, James…that prat is one of your… "

"Peter…shut UP! " Both Remus and James growled at precisely the same moment

Peter pouted, but Remus didn't have the energy to smooth his ruffled feathers, he was too busy worrying about the way their other friend was clenching and un-clenching his brown fists, the silent snarl hovering on those furiously white lips.

The werewolf cursed all of them inwardly; himself for losing his temper so close to the full moon, Peter for choosing now to have one of his inferiority sulking spats and at James for letting Michael rile him up so much. Ok, so the guy was smiling at Lily in a way that obvious meant " You, Me, Broomcloset? " and ok, all three of Lily's friends were shaking in silent laughter as they watched the pair eagerly, but still, there was no need for James to send silent telepathic death threats towards the poor guy. It wasn't as though…

"So, Lily, would you fancy going to Hogsmede with me next weekend? "

...he was asking her out.

* * *

It really wasn't fair for a guy to have teeth so WHITE! Lily stared up at him in somewhat of a daze, momentarily blinded by that billboard smile.

"I'm sorry…what? "

In the background Lily heard Jenny's splutter of laughter but it didn't register. Neither did Alice's concerned gaze, Jamie's wicked grin or Emily's silence. One minute they'd been laughingly arguing Gryffindor's chances of beating Ravenclaw in their upcoming match, the next he, Michael Davis, was asking HER out? Her mouth was gaping open but she was too bemused to care. Since when did guys ask her out? She was an outcast, hated, loathed or at best ignored completely. The "Bet " had made sure of that, so where on earth was this coming from?

"I, erm…asked you out. " Michael repeated with a slightly putout laugh, " then you kind of froze and started gaping at me. Like a fish."

Again Jenny tried unsuccessfully to stifle the irrepressible snort of laughter, and Jamie draped his arm round her shoulder, desperately fighting the smirk that was spreading over his boyish face.

Davis seemed to realize his mistake and added with another devilishly charming grin

"But a very attractive fish. "

This time even Lily laughed, joining in with the girls' hysteria and blushing profusely with embarrassment before shaking her head.

"I'm sorry Michael but… "

"She's late for our Head's Meeting and will get back to you on that proposal at a later date. "

Lily's head sung round in astonishment to see her fellow Head standing mere inches away from her. Her chest clenched and she looked from one boy to the other, from the blond who was raising a rather arrogant, inquisitive eyebrow, to the dark-haired sex-god who looked as if he would have happily choked his "friend " with his blue and bronze striped tie.

"James… " She began, before he cut her off with a snarl, his blazing hazel eyes never leaving Davis'.

"NOW, Evans. "

And just like that his brown fingers were around her wrist, yanking her to her feet with unmerciful strength. She gazed back helplessly towards her friends who now all look a little worried, pointing towards her bag that was still swinging from the back of her chair.

The entire school turned to watch as James dragged the redhead out of the Great Hall with a face that would have had most of them running for cover. Michael Davis looked from one face to another but Jenny, Alice and Jamie all sported the same bemused expression. Only Emily still stared at the swinging door the pair had just left through thoughtfully, her face an unreadable mask, before turning back to her bacon and eggs, the others gaping at her in confusion.

* * *

"James, for God's sake, slow down! " Lily panted, before letting out a gasp as her foot caught against a stone slab and only the ridiculous strength in his muscled arm kept her upright. But he made no answer, his jaw gritted painfully tight and his hazel eyes flashing with a dangerous fire. On and on he marched and she gave up trying to reason with him or pull away. James pulled her sharply round a corner, down the corridor and came to a shaking halt before the worried gaze of the Man with the Mirror.

"Erised. "

The word was ground out, the portrait swung slowly open and before Lily had time to catch her breath he'd flung the portrait open and pulled her inside. Only then did James drop the wrist he'd been holding, flinging it away as though it burned him, he'd turned around to glare at her with rigid fury and Lily breathed in sharply at the dark aura that seemed all at once to surround him.

"What the FUCK was that out there? "

Lily recoiled at the murderous look on his handsome face, her brows pulling together in perplexion at this sudden rage.

"I…Wha..? "

"THAT Evans! You and Davis practically sending goo-goo eyes at each other! "

Lily's mouth fell open as the reason behind James' sudden wrath became clear and her eyes narrowed incredulously.

"I…We were TALKING, James. It's not a crime. "

James lips twisted into a contemptuous sneer, the cruel lash in his words making Lily flinch slightly.

"Oh please! Every conversation like that I've ever had has wound up in either a broom closet or a bedroom. " He snarled down into her now white face.

Anger gleamed in Lily's own eyes, emerald flames dancing to a dangerous tune and before he had time to blink her small hand smacked furiously into his cheek.

"How dare you? Don't you EVER compare me to the kind of trash you pick up! ", she whispered, her voice shaking with anger just as deadly as his. Green burned into hazel, but James was the first to glance away before remembering the end of their "conversation " and why it had sent his fury to an entire new level.

"So you're telling me that prat DIDN'T ask you to Hogsmede next Weekend, is that it? " He sneered bitterly

Lily had the grace to blush but she didn't lower her gaze, staring him down fiercely as she replied tightly.

"And if you'd waited just one second before kicking up a bloody hissy-fit, you would have probably heard my answer. "

James halted, mouth open in mid-rant and glared down at her, his features hardening into a mask of stone until only his eyes flickered darkly into hers.

"Fine, " he enunciated silkily, "I overreacted. Now lets go back to the Great Hall so you can explain to the git that you are otherwise unavailable for the next or any other Hogsmede weekend this year. "

His fingers closed around her wrist once more, his tall frame was already turning to leave when the white skin was pulled sharply out of his grip. James turned, irritation and impatience making him grit his perfect teeth when suddenly the blazing anger on the girl's white face made him pause in frowning confusion.

"Otherwise unavailable… ", her voice shook with the emotion and James eyed her trembling figure coldly, one black brow raising with insulting arrogance. He met her gaze emotionlessly before suddenly his full lips twisted into such a blatant smirk of superiority that made her hand itch to smack it of that beautiful face again. His voice was smooth and mocking as he smirked down at her.

"No girl in their right mind would pick him over me. "

Lily's hands balled into fists, stumped despite herself at his incredible, overbearing ARROGANCE. She hated him when he did this, retreating behind his "society face ", the conceited, bullying arsehole who sneered down his stupidly straight nose at the rest of the world, waiting for everyone in it to simply fall at his feet. How dare he! Of course she was going to say no to Davis! How stupid did he think she was; every-body knew that the handsome Quidditch Captain was running a bet to get every girl in his year into bed with him. But even if Michael wasn't the third biggest player in the school; after all they'd said that morning? She'd thought they'd finally cleared up the fact that, like it or not, they loved each other! That he could even THINK that she would say yes after what had happened in Dumbledore's office! And then to stand there smirking at her like he did all those other airheads who languished after him, his very nonchalance betraying his obvious belief that he was bestowing a huge honour upon them simply by talking to them.

Lily looked at him, hurt and anger twisting her pale features as she shook her head slightly,

"Are you even listening to yourself…? "

The spark of anger that still remained in James' eyes ignited once more into a blaze and without thinking, without considering, he cut back in a voice as deadly and lilting as silk.

"Obviously; it's the only thing that's been worth listening to these last five minutes "

Lily's emerald eyes widened before turning carefully blank, blank as her white face. The silence was awful but neither one broke it; the girl had not the strength, the boy not the courage, a first for both of them, they stared into the empty space behind the other, wrapped up in their own internal battles.

Which was why when James suddenly seemed to wake up from his frozen stupor, Lily only saw the cruel, unrepentant smirk that curved his mouth so beautifully.

Sirius would have seen the tiniest tightening around those burning eyes. Remus would have picked up on the way his right hand quivered ever so slightly as it itched to reach up and rumple his hair in his own nervous tic. Even Peter would have noticed the bob of his adams-apple as James swallowed just the once. Any Marauder would have known immediately that James Potter was, right now, inwardly cursing himself, his big mouth, his stupid, dammed arrogance to hell, was killing himself inside for hurting the girl who suddenly looked so fragile in front of him.

But Lily wasn't a Marauder and his words lashed like a whip and so she nodded and said tightly

"You're right. You should go and find Taylor or Amanda of Jennifer or one of the other five sluts who each think they're your fling of the week and inform them that you're taking them to Hogsmede next weekend. I guess their moans and air-headed giggles ARE worth listening to. "

James' mouth was already open, the words of apology bursting on his lips but at that he swallowed them down, pride and stupid anger shutting his mouth firmly despite the voice screaming in his mind to stop this idiocy while he had the chance. Instead his chin lifted mulishly, the anger in his eyes defensive as he sneered back

"You know what, maybe I will. "

"Good! You do that! "

"Fine! "

"FINE! "

Lily swung on her heel and marched towards her room, slamming the door shut behind her with a back that made the walls shook, while James stormed out the portrait hole, inwardly cursing both her and himself every swearword in the English, French and Spanish language under the sun.

* * *

"Stupid, selfish, idiotic bitch! " Each word was accompanied by a vicious snarl and a heavy stomp as James stormed down the corridor back to the Great Hall in a whirlwind of a tantrum. Portraits flinched from the bloody murder that contorted his usually very pretty face; even Peeves himself found his wicked grin snapping closed with a single look from the furious school idol. People got hurt when James Potter went on the rampage. And rampaging was definitely what the teenage boy was doing now.

The majestic oak doors were thrown open with a bang, the initial giggles of excitement died down to a hushed silence as the adoring faces turned wary and confused. The boy seemed almost shrouded in a terrifying aura of black fury. Heat radiated off him like a furnace and his golden eyes scorched like the very darkest burnt treacle. Remus' head lifted in bemusement, tasting the blazing anger on the air and eyeing his friend worriedly. James ignored him, throwing his bag back onto the empty space beside him and slamming onto the bench hard enough to make the tiny first year sitting on the opposite end, fall to the floor from the force.

Remus glanced at Peter briefly, a swift frown of warning to his somewhat tactless friend to try at least to keep his thoughts to himself. Peter nodded back, his washed out blue eyes wide and nervous as James began shoving the rest of his discarded breakfast into his mouth, each chew as though he was tearing an unfortunate someone's head off. The silence was icy and lasted some five minutes until suddenly James lifted his head and glared at the other two Marauders balefully.

"For Merlin's sake, would you just find something to bloody talk about. "

Remus' lips twitched but he held back the laughter and lifted a deceptively innocent blond eyebrow. He replied with the blandest of smiles

"How's Amanda? "

As predicted, the fire in James' eyes leapt from a spark to blaze and he ground his teeth in an attempt to hold back the blistering put down hovering on his lips. Less than amused by his friend's sense of humour, he snarled and continued stabbing the piece of bacon on his plate to death. The two other boys watched blankly as their friend finally lost his temper with the slice of meat and wrenched out his wand.

BANG!

Not one of the three friends said a word as the black unrecognisable thing smoked and curled into a charcoal crisp. Remus kept his amber eyes fixed firmly on his nails while Peter stared at the shrivelled remains of the English Breakfast decidedly nervously, both studiously ignoring the Leader of the Marauders who was now seething silently in high dudgeon. Great. Just fucking brilliant. Of course it would be the last bloody piece of bacon left, DAMN it!

Peter glanced from one face to another before, God knows why, trying optimistically to lessen the tension.

"Erm...I, I like mine extra crispy too.. "

There was a stunned silence. Both boys turned to gape openly into the blond boy's absurdly hopeful face, complete with a beaming toothy smile. Neither seemed to find words when suddenly, just like that, James threw back his unruly head and gave a shout of laughter.

The tension gave way like a dam and all at once the atmosphere lightened as Remus shook his head and managed to choke out despairingly

"That's great Pete, really great. "

He met James' eyes as the boy rolled in his seat trying to contain the chuckles before finally allowing a grin to spread over his own pale features. James ruffled Peter's fluffy hair in a gesture he'd picked up from Sirius and let out a sigh.

"Sorry guys, really. "

He let his forehead drop into his hands, a rueful grin still pulling up the corners of his mouth.

"I guess this whole stress thing is finally getting to me. Look, something happened…earlier this morning. Something…how do I put this…big. Really big. "

Remus met his weary gaze with neither a smile nor a frown. He simply waited for James to continue and when the other boy seemed to struggle, he said quietly

"Something to do with Lily. "

It was a statement not a question, and James threw his friend a quick grateful smile for his quick understanding. Explaining to Remus and Peter what had actually happened all those months ago wouldn't be the same ordeal it had been when telling Sirius, but none the less, this interview was still going to be far from pleasant. It also wasn't really something he wanted to get into in the middle of the Great Hall. James sat there stumped for a few moment's his mouth hanging slightly open as he hesitated over what to do, how much to say now and how much to keep for a more private setting. Seeing Remus' uncompromising expression however, James thought it might be best to sate at least some of his friend's curiosity.

Unconsciously his hand reached to scratch the back of his messy head, a sure sign that he was nervous before finally James took a deep breath and told his friends the most recent spat between himself and the fiery tempered red-head.

"I said something really bad. Just now. " James winced, recalling the argumentall too well, "Something REALLY bad. " he realised guiltily.

The other two Marauder's glanced at each other.

"Because of Davis? " Remus clarified cautiously.

The skin over James' high cheekbones tinged ever so slightly, his eyes snapping unconsciously to glare at the Ravenclaw table.

"Maybe. "

The Leader of the Marauders turned on the bench and lounged back against the table, hands gripping his handsome head in what was supposed to be a casual gesture, forcing his gaze and his attention to wander. As so often happened, the latter at least wandered straight back to a certain green-eyed girl.

Now that the searing rage had cooled, the guilt was gnawing at the back of his throat and in his belly. James clenched his fists and stared darkly at the grey mantle of clouds that covered the sky outside and the therefore the ceiling too, like a woollen blanket.

Remus watched as his fingers twisted sporadically in his messy shock of hair, and the bob of his adams-apple as James swallowed. Once, twice and even a third. The Quidditch Captain's entire body was wound as tight as a spring, and Remus wondered at the reason. All the signs indicated to guilt, but that was an emotion more often found in most of the Slytherins than in the school heartthrob. Remus cocked his head, his face betraying nothing, his eyes missing even less. Yes, James was berating himself silently for something. And as always he had brilliant timing.

Remus suppressed a sigh and pushed lock of sandy hair out of his tired eyes.

"Prongs, maybe you should talk to Sirius about this? I mean he get's her better than any of us and well, " the werewolf looked at his watch, bringing it close to his nose to see through the scratched glass.

"Doucanne will be having a nervous breakdown if I'm not in her office soon. "

James mentally slapped his head. God he was being dumb this morning. And bloody insensitive. He'd almost forgotten his friend's furry problem. Of course Remus had more important things to worry about that his pathetic love-life. If he'd been paying closer attention he would have noticed immediately the stiffness in his friend's carefully restrained movements, the weary creases around his eyes. He would have never allowed himself to forget their cruel meaning, taunting reminders of the pain his friend would have to suffer for the next 24 hours. James berated himself silently, hating the selfishness she'd always detested that so often made him blind to other people's problems and feelings. He really was a heartless git! Just like she'd told him, time after time. Fuck he was thinking about her again. He needed to speak to Sirius. Fast.

"Prongs. "

Those faintly mocking tones made him lift his head. Remus' face was calm as ever, never would Remus allow himself to lose it today of all days, but there was a faint tugging at the corner of his mouth that screamed mockery to those keen enough to spot it.

"Enough with the mental self-harming, mate. You're allowed to have other things on your mind beside my furry little problem. "

Some of the tension on James' face disappeared but it was obvious he still wasn't convinced. Remus' rolled his eyes and swung his legs over the bench to get up.

"Come on, Pete will come down to the Hospital Wing with me and you can drag Sirius out of whichever broom-closet he's currently in. "

James nodded distractedly and rose to his feet, Peter echoing the movement. The boy's had barely taken a step however towards the giant oak doors when suddenly a nervous hand touched James lightly on his forearm, causing him to swing round in slight impatience.

Amanda stood there, her classically beautiful face flushed unusually red from obvious embarrassment. Inwardly James swore. He did not want to do this right now, but the girl had every right to be confused. A brown hand came up to scratch the back of his messy head as the normal honey that dripped from his lips when faced with a girl, seemed to have dried up.

"Amanda…err… "

Thankfully she interrupted his rather pitiful beginning, twirling her long fingers round a strand of blond hair as she fought to keep her voice calm.

"James. Hi. I was wondering if, well…if you'd come with me to Hogsmede this weekend. " The last words flew out in a rush. James glanced panic-stricken towards where Remus was waiting with a pointed look at his watch, only half listening before he replied without even looking at her.

"I…erm…I'll get back to you on that Amanda, I really really need to be somewhere right now "

The hurt on her face made him wince and he struggled for someway of putting this off without revealing that he'd already forgotten the question. Come on James, be nice. Think you prat, er…

"Tomorrow! " He finished with a typical charming-chicks apology grin, "We'll talk about this tomorrow ok? Breakfast first thing."

The girl swallowed but nodded her head. What other choice did she have? And James breathed a sigh of relief and practically ran out the Great Hall, almost running into his rather smaller cousin who was standing just outside the doorway, and knocking her flying. But Jenny seemed distracted somehow, refraining from even a caustic comment or dig and she barely through him a glance as he hastily apologised and ran after Remus and Peter's retreating figures. Instead she clenched her fist tighter, allowing several small flaked of black parchment to escape and fall ominously to ground before turning on her heel and mounting the stairs.

* * *

"I'm an arsehole! "

"Yep. "

"How the fuck can any guy be so dammed STUPID! Less than one bloody day and I've already fucked up! "

"Yep. "

"Dammit Sirius I practically called her a whore; a dumb piece of ass like all the other slut's that follow us day and night! I said it wasn't even worth listening to her! I practically told her I wanted her to be a fucking doll and not to open her mouth unless she wanted it filled! "

"..." and then

"Yep. "

James swung around, blurry-eyed still from the two and a half litres of fire-whiskey he had consumed in the boy's dorm over the past four hours, but he still managed a reasonable glare at his best friend who lounged elegantly on the ground beside him, his darkly beautiful face expressionless. Sirius looked up, his friend's silence finally provoking a reaction and he raised his violet eyes to meet that dirty look with a stare that was openly disapproving and unsympathetic.

James struggled for a brief moment, fighting the urge to punch his brother in the jaw but, partly because he wasn't entirely sure he would hit that swimming form, partly because of the little voice saying that Sirius had every right to be exasperated, he refrained. Instead he compromised, slamming his fist into the wooden frame of Remus' four-poster bed before flinging himself down onto the ground beside his friend, vaguely pleased that he had managed to his the right one of the five posts that had been rocking before his vision.

Sirius turned his handsome head, one brown hand lifting to push the black lock that had fallen forward out of his eyes to better observe the rather hopeless figure next to him. For someone with an IQ in the top three percent in the country, James really was thick sometimes.

He himself had missed the minor tantrum in the Great Hall, as well the more major one that had followed in the Heads Common Room. It had been Remus who had unceremoniously interrupted his third broom-closet meeting of the day with the information that James had been searching for him since lunch-time, over five hours ago, and was probably by now doing something extremely stupid somewhere. The werewolf should have been in the Hospital wing hours ago and as Sirius had nodded immediately to his friend's tired request to find their friend and do some damage-control, he'd been more worried about the weariness already taking hold over Remus' pale features.

Sirius looked out of the window, cursing James' brilliant idea to drown himself in fire whiskey on the one night they all needed their wits about them. Outside, the pale, unblinking moon gazed back enigmatically at him. Round and full and disarmingly, innocently beautiful, still Sirius' lips pressed together cruelly. Another look of hatred out the window and he turned sharply away, back to the equally beautiful boy who was now supporting his five-tonne head in one hand and muttering darkly to himself.

Sirius sighed, canine ears deciphering the otherwise incomprehensible babble and said lightly

"Killing yourself probably won't make her feel much better; momentarily perhaps but not in the long run. " he amended the glimmerings of humour in those deep purple eyes.

James shot him a nasty look before rubbing his forehead wearily.

"I know Pads, I just…Shit I can't get my bloody head straight. "

A dimple danced, before disappearing abruptly as Sirius wiped the laughter from his face and asked innocently

"How many did you have again? "

"It's not the damned fire-whiskey! " James snarled back before huffing and throwing his head once more against the wall.

"Ah. "

There was a distinctly suspicious look as James shot a dark glare towards his friend, but nothing on that perfect face gave away any hint of the laughter that was threatening to bubble over. Then, James let out a sudden groan as his head swam particularly painfully and that was it; the dimple quivered before he could stop it.

James' messy head snapped up with a great "Ah HAH! " ,pointing triumphantly at his friend's cheek!

"I knew it! You stupid ugly prat! " he shouted, before leaping on the other boy and wrestling him to the ground.

They tussled for some seven minutes before collapsing beside each other, both struggling for breath, Sirius' dimple twinkling wickedly at his victory whilst James lips turned down in a pout.

"That WAS the bloody fire-whiskey. " He muttered grumpily before sighing and staring up at the stone ceiling.

Sirius felt the mood turn heavier once more and pushed the good-humour aside, waiting for his brother to speak and tell him the plan. A brief half-smile; James always had a plan. And sure enough;

"I have to DO something. "

No objections there.

"A gesture dammit. Something to show that she different from any other girl I've ever met. Something that she can't deny or think twice over. Something to say I'm sorry; that I'm the world biggest prat but I'm hopelessly in love with her and want to have her babies! "

To his credit Sirius managed to keep a straight face. But by Merlin James would owe him later for this.

"I think it's more common for HER to have YOUR babies mate. " He pointed out mildly but James was still off on his tandrum.

"Something epic, something that will go down in Hogwarts history as the most romantic declaration of love the school has ever seen. "

Sirius shuddered and fought to keep the revulsion out of his voice as he rolled the words carefully around in his mouth before pronouncing them.

"Pray to God you don't remember this when you're sober. "

Then he sat his firm behind down on the floor beside his undeserving mate in an attempt to save both the school and Lily from James' drink inspired attempts at romance.

* * *

"How could he say that? Who the bloody hell does that head-swollen prat think he is? "

Alice sighed and continued to rub her friend's back soothingly, the other hand lifting to pull a lock of hair out Lily's flashing eyes, that was rebelliously threatening to curl. Emily sat at the window, knees pulled up under chin surveying the pair with her typically enigmatic cerulean gaze.

"I mean, he as good as said I'm practically HIS! His PROPERTY! Does he call that proving he deserves me? Showing me that he bloody loves like he claims! " Lily continued her seething monologue, kicking her heels on the floor beside the bed in furious indignation at the memory.

Alice glanced over the redhead's shoulder towards Emily but the black-haired girl stayed silent. Relationships weren't exactly her strongpoint and if it had been left up to her James wouldn't have gotten a bloody second chance anyway. But Lily didn't need to hear that right now. So instead Emily half-shrugged, indicating for Alice to take the lead on this one. The blonde's sweetness and gentle tact would make better progress than Emily's sharp-tongued irony. After a few moment's of angry silence Alice's quiet, reasonable voice probed carefully

"Potter…James, he's possessive by nature. "

The murderous look in Lily's eyes made even Emily flinch as she swooped around.

"And that gives him the right to just DECLARE that I'm to go to Hogsmede with him? Without even the courtesy of ASKING me first? "

Alice folded her hands in her lap, choosing her words carefully.

"No but…he get's jealous very easily. And Davis…"

"We were TALKING Alice…! "

"Davis asked you out. "

There was a silence, as Lily struggled for a truthful but pertinent proof to the contrary, her mouth opening and closing hopelessly as none came. Finally she folded her arms and flounced back onto the bed, her pink lips pressed into an adorable pout. Then she sighed, regarding her blond friend with just a hint of shame.

"How could he think I would say yes? I thought…after this morning…we'd gotten this straight. We… " Lily flushed a deeper red and pronounced the words with difficulty.

"We LOVE each other. We said it. And I thought…I really REALLY thought we meant it. "

The anger was fading from her face and Alice inched closer on the bed to brush back another stray curl behind her ear.

"A relationship doesn't just need love. You've got to communicate. Compromise, however difficult it is. You and James are two very different people. Who work in two very different ways. " Alice hesitated stealing a glance but Lily was staring steadily at her knees. She pushed her long hair over her shoulder and continued, keeping a careful watch on her friend's reaction.

"However much you care about each other, a relationship can't work if you don't try to meet in the middle sometimes. I agree with you completely that Pott…JAMES acted like chauvinistic prat but try to see it from his point of view. He probably felt really insecure about seeing another, attractive guy asking you out before he'd even had the chance. You said he's willing to wait to regain your trust slowly. But that doesn't make it any less hard to see other guys not HAVING to wait. Do you see? "

For a while the redhead didn't answer and Alice didn't press her for one. She felt for Lily's predicament; nothing was harder than accepting to trust someone again who hurt you so badly. Alice had been shocked, stunned even about the truth behind the entire bet, but she had smothered that shock and the inevitable hurt of being lied to; looking into the complete heartbreak in Lily's eyes the night before, all she could do was pull her friend into her arms and hold her close. Loving by nature, Alice had forgiven the lie almost immediately it was confessed, but she also had a softer heart than Emily and, although confused and shocked by James' awful betrayal, she was also insightful enough to wonder at what was still being hidden.

In Alice's eyes only one thing mattered. Whatever he'd done, he was completely and hopelessly in love with Lily, and that alone outweighed every fault. Added to the fact that Lily loved him back at least as much, it had resigned her to the fact that the only way for her friend to be truly happy, was to have the arrogant bad-boy at her side.

Seeing the pair now though, Alice couldn't help but laugh inwardly. This love would be anything but easy, both had a temper as foul and easily provoked as the other and both were stubborn as two mules. Making a relationship work between two such different personalities would be a daily battle, one that neither would willingly lose. Lily and James would never be peaceful and calm and comfortable. No, there would be sparks and fireworks and blazing screaming matches probably until the day they died. Alice shuddered, thinking of her and Frank living like that, the fights and the battles of wills every minute of the day. But Alice was also wise enough to know full well that no relationship is ever the same and that what works for one couple is torture for the next.

A tiny sigh escaped, as Frank grinned his engaging gin in her lonely mind's eye. She and Frank were like two pieces of a jigsaw puzzle; they fit perfectly, shaped precisely to match the other with smooth edges and perfect harmony. She couldn't imagine the word without him because he made her whole. Their disagreements were as often as the next couple's but knowing, understanding the other so well made finding that perfect compromises as easy as breathing. They loved each other and knew it too well and for too long to let the few differences they had, stand between them.

Lily and James, however, were new at this. Alice could see it even if they couldn't; how bad, how deep the pair were in. The magnetism between them, drawing them ever nearer however much the pair themselves had fought. There was too much need, too much passion for them not to somehow interact with each other. Hatred or love, what did it really change? They were two magnet's, North and South, ever pulled together but not yet fully accepting of the reason why.

Finally admitting that they loved each had taken the pair almost a year and a half, but they were still scared, still frightened by this degree of dependence on another person for their own happiness. Why wouldn't they be? It had taken her and Frank a similar length of time to finally realise that this was a forever kind of feeling. They were teenagers not even out of school and every rule in the book said that first loves don't last. Alice remembered the fear and the consequent fights of those first months. Frank had known way before she had. According to him he'd decided to marry her on their one month anniversary, but she been scared by the speed and depths of their feelings.

Only a year later had he actually told her he'd brought the ring, and a light smile touched her lips as she remembered the shock and the inevitable urge to flee when he'd asked her if she ever thought about the future.

It had been in the Gryffindor Common Room, the last night before he graduated. His face alone had kept her where she was, the deep smouldering passion in his dark brown eyes. Not one trace of doubt had she found there, only complete and utter certainly that he was making the right decision. Alice's round cheeks flushed slightly as she remembered her answer, escaping from her lips before she'd even thought about it.

"You're my future. "

The instant embarrassment had been swept away by the forceful kiss that had left her breathless. His eyes had shone with pure joy that had quickened her heartbeat and turned her knees to jelly. Frank had swung her round in circles, carrying her away on the tide of his excitement before whispering cheekily in her ear;

"That's lucky. Saves me a trip back to the jewellery store. "

He hadn't given it to her that night. They'd both agreed that even becoming engaged whilst Alice was still school wasn't really necessary. "It had waited a year " he'd winked at her shocked expression, "It could wait two more. "

They never really mentioned it after that. It didn't have to be spoken; they knew. That one day, whenever the moment was truly perfect, they would take the final step and say the words out loud in front of friends and family. On that day it would be official, but for now, merely knowing that one day it would be, that was more than enough.

Love didn't need to be rushed.

* * *

It was Lily's abrupt movement as she rose from the bed, that called Alice back from her thoughts. She watched as the red-head strode to the window, the one that looked out over the sparkling lake and the one where Emily as silently as a statue, waiting for their friend's decision. Minutes passed as Lily simply gazed at the tree that seemed to wave it branches at her in the light breeze, the green mantle already turning to gold.

It was so easy to storm and rage in anger. It was what she was good at, especially in regards to James. It was how it had been for almost exactly a year. Blazing hurtful words and cruel unforgiving blows to ego and heart. Lily was so used to it, whereas forgiving and discussing and trying to compromise; it was completely new. To both of them.

But Alice did have a point. A relationship meant talking things through instead of storming out the room and slamming the door. Making an effort rather than just allowing things to spiral out of control. Could she do that? Be the bigger person? Would it work even if she did?

Lily turned and Emily's blue eyes locked with hers. Understanding passed like a silent thread between them and finally her closest friend opened her mouth dertermindly and said

"If you want him, you have fight for him. "

And slowly, oh so slowly, Lily allowed her lips to spread into gentle smile.

* * *

Dinner was a singularly disappointing affair.

Two girls rushed their way to the Great Hall at eight o clock and two gazes snapped eagerly to the Marauder Space only for both faces to fall in ludicrous disappointment. The space was empty. Not one Marauder sat stuffing his face or flirting with numerous females. The minutes seemed to pass like hours, Lily's watch seemed to have deliberately slowed simply to taunt it's owner every time she glanced down at it impatiently. Emily rolled her eyes while Alice smiled softly and secretly, but Jenny's attention seemed elsewhere that night, so much so that Alice finally broached the subject.

"Is every thing all right Jen? " She said hesitatingly

Jenny seemed to snap out of her brooding silence, odd for one so usually exuberant. The girls puzzled inwardly; it had been getting quite common when they'd left school last year; almost once a month their friend had seemed to shut down completely for an afternoon. The summer holidays had driven the question from their minds but seeing it starting again, it raised all the old worries.

"Fine. Why? Do I look dead and gloomy? "

Teeth flashed as she shot the three girls her typical wickedly charming grin, eyebrows lifting in mocking challenge. The others dutifully laughed and disclaimed and Jenny seemed to be back to her normal boisterous self as the courses came and went. Only when nobody seemed to be looking, Lily noticed, did the blank, withdrawn look return to her heart-shaped face. Those hazel eyes that always glowed with life and vitality seemed oddly dull tonight, though perhaps it was merely the candlelight. Still, Lily snuck another glance at her friend who apparently had very little appetite for once, surely she would tell them if something were wrong. Wouldn't she?

When the plates of decimated puddings and trifles finally disappeared, the four girls rose from their seats, each lost in her own thoughts. Emily was still wrapped up in her Potions essay that still stubbornly sat in her bag, only half-done. Alice was worrying over a letter Frank had sent her about possibly not making the Halloween Hogsmede Trip this year; apparently attacks were getting more and more frequent with each passing day and skilled aurors more and more in demand. Jenny glanced quickly across the room before turning her eyes deliberately to the door and never looking back, the other following in her wake.

Lily however could barely contain her impatience. Her decision made to try and straighten out this latest mess with James, all she wanted to do now was get it over with. In the few short hours since their spat that lunchtime, she'd already missed the stupid boy more than she cared to admit, even to Alice or Emily. The empty square meter of table had held her lonely attention through almost all of dinner and now just thinking about being close to him again had her fingers itching in anticipation. Not just her fingers either.

Lily breath caught in her throat as the first tendrils of desire suddenly swept up and inflamed her cheeks. Taking this slow was going to be close to torture she thought desperately. If he kissed her, touched her, there was no way on earth she'd have the strength to pull away. And if he didn't…Her heart lowered immediately at the thought whilst her head berated her for her lack of resolution.

Stupid girl! He's supposed to be earning you back, not to have you falling into his arms the very first night! Her subconscious chided firmly. Those muscular, perfectly tanned, silken arms…

Lily gave herself a mental slap as she turned to say good night to the other three in the Great Hall. Pushing the thought of James and his frustratingly appealing arms out of her mind, she turned to Alice and launched at her in a huge hug of gratitude.

"Thank you! "

Alice laughed sweetly and patted Lily's shoulder.

"Don't mention it, Lily. Now, " big blue eyes twinkled almost naughtily. "Go and MAKE him ask you to Hogsmede. Any means necessary. "

Lily erupted into a bubble of laughed and drew away to grin impishly at the others. Jenny gave her a wink and smirk that held more innuendo than an entire conversation and even Emily looked decidedly mischievous.

"Remember those stockings I got you for Christmas? He'll wet himself. " chocolate curls bobbed as Jenny let out her rippling laugh and licked her lips descriptively. Then her eyes lit up with sudden fanaticism that made the other three girls groan inwardly.

"Ooooh and the leather! Ask him to put on that uniform of his! Why did I never think of that before? " she exclaimed, looking truly horrified at her previous lack of imagination.

Lily rolled her eyes laughingly and turned pointedly away from her friend who was now wondering aloud whether the Quidditch Protective suit had a zipper on it. Emily and Alice laughed back, both shaking their heads in amusement.

"Don't worry; despite what Jenny's thinking, I'm NOT planning on hopping into bed with him. "

Emily grinned, cerulean eyes dancing as she said

"Good Girl. " A pause and then, "Unless of course he asks you REALLY nicely. " A sly wink made the girls giggle once more before finally sighing and saying the typical good-nights.

"Well, I'll see you all tomorrow, ok. I'll let you exactly how it went. " Lily promised with a final grin.

Emily and Alice nodded, smirking wickedly back and made they're towards the staircase, only to stop when Jenny made no move to follow.

"You not coming Jen? " Emily asked in surprise, which increased when Jenny simply shook her head.

" Nah, I'm…eating out tonight. " She said with a smirk that left no one in doubt as to her meaning. Emily laughed and Alice sighed and both girls disappeared until Jenny and Lily were left alone.

"Want me to walk you? " Lily asked, as Jenny looked at her watch. Again the brown curls flew as Jenny shook her head in a negative.

"Nah, I'll walk you though, if you like? " She offered cheerfully

"I'm still early and you obviously can't wait. " She added with a look a pure mischief. Lily flushed slightly and laughed, both girls walking to the passage way that cut the time to the Head Common Rooms in half.

For while they walked in companionable silence. Then,

"So who are you going to see? " Lily finally gave in to her curiosity, "I thought you were bored with Hufflepuffs for the moment. "

For the briefest second Lily could have sworn her friend's face had momentarily closed up like a clam. But by the time she'd turned to get a better look, Jenny was already wearing that wicked grin.

"Sorry Lils, I can't kiss and tell on this one. Not while he's still seeing his girlfriend. " Lily frowned. That was…unexpected to say the least. It was unlike Jenny to dangle with a guy who was already taken. Usually she had them give up all prior relationships before entering into any agreement with her. Jenny was not a girl who like to share however much she herself believed in polygamy. To the best of her knowledge, Jamie, best friend as well as lover, was the only exception. But before Lily could probe further, they were standing outside the portrait hole to the Heads Common Room, and Jenny was already waiting expectantly.

"Erised. "

Jenny raised her brows, causing Lily to send her a quick, questioning look. For a moment Jenny hesitated, before finally she asked

"James choose the password or did you? "

Lily stared at her not comprehending and Jenny had to laugh at the classic expression of utter bemusement. She shook her curls and turned to leave as the portrait hole swung smoothly open. When she was almost at the end of the corridor, she suddenly looked back over her shoulder with strangely gentle smile.

"Night Lils, and...don't be too hard on him. "

Lily nodded, still frowning slightly puzzledly as Jenny turned to stare sadly out the nearby window, light from the full moon turning her left side silver. There was pain in those hazel eyes, mixed with sadness and iron resolution. Then she was gone, her last words floating back to Lily's ears even as the door closed softly behind her.

"Not tonight. "

The Head Common Room was warm and inviting when Lily stepped through the portrait hole, the cosiness of the round room washing away the strange feeling of foreboding Jenny's words had left her with. The fire crackled merrily in the grate, casting dancing shadow on the grey stones and the soft leather sofa seemed to call her name. Never one to deny a request, Lily skipped over to it and obligingly lounged back in utter bliss, a small smile of content curving her lips. Now all she had to do was wait.

* * *

It was some fifteen minutes later that the portrait hole finally opened and the tall broad-shouldered figure of the Head Boy staggered down the steps. Lily had risen in excitement, ready to dance forward with a smile of forgiveness when the undeniable waft of what could only be a gallon of fire-whiskey assaulted her nostrils, causing her nose and brow to wrinkle in distaste.

The sight of her made James come to an abrupt halt, albeit swaying ever so slightly as he cursed inwardly whichever Marauder had thought it funny to spike the hidden Marauder stash of fire whiskey. Which,thinking about it, paifully, was more than likely himself. With his balance unsteady and time running out, now really was not the time he wanted to see the girl he was hopelessly in love with, especially after their argument from earlier. James blearily rubbed his eyes and shook his head to stop it from swimming, consigning all forms of alcohol mentally to the devil.

"Jesus, James, how much did you drink? "

Lily's tone was bemused but not angry and James' brain, although not firing on all cylinders, did know this was a good thing. The bigger difficulty was trying to work out the right answer. Something was screaming that the truth would lead to little Prongs being out of action for some time to come, but a female voice was also chiding him shrilly

"Don't you ever lie to a lady again Master Jamie! T'is despicable!"

Something about that voice made him cringe in guilt and before he could stop it, the truth was spilling from his mouth like water.

"Only…three bottles… ish"

Lily's eyes widened and she gaped at him incredulously.

"How are you even upright? "

The dull pounding in his head was increasing and the best James could do was hold on the information that somewhere in his room was a pepper-up potion, that needed to be consumed before he said any more things he'd regret. So, instead of answering, he walked, staggering only once he noticed with no small pride, towards the room marked "Head Boy Dormitory: James Potter ", and pushed it open.

A voice nearby told him that Lily had followed him inside and again he swore inwardly. In French this time as it so happened. They rolled of the tongue better. Like the "R's " "Rrrrrrr..."

Shit! Snap OUT of it Prongs! James shook his head fiercely and made his stumbling way over to the chest of drawers, fumbling to get it open. An unsuccessfyl minute later and Lily was at his side, saying surprisingly gently

"What are you after? "

James closed his eyes again, fighting the growing urge to vomit and forced out

"Pepper-up…potion…Top drawer. "

Her nimble fingers did what his could not and a minute later James was sighing with relief as the mixture poured down his throat, burning reassuringly as it did so.

The effects were immediate. Suddenly his head was wonderfully clear and his vision straight and steady. With another sigh James shook his head a final time and turned to the girl waiting anxiously beside him, cursing himself anew when he saw the worry in those emerald eyes. His own expression was guarded as he said softly

"Thanks. "

To his complete shock, she smiled back, an impish grin that took his breath away and left him confused. Wasn't she furious with him? Was he still insanely drunk?

Then all at once, memory returned! A single glance out the window confirmed his fears and this time he swore aloud, a swift Spanish, hate-filled and comprehensive sentence that startled Lily. She watched in confusion as he almost ran back to the open dresser, his movements once more sharp and impossibly graceful, his face contorted in a mixture of anger and concentration. Without a word, a strange bundle of water-like material was hastily pulled from the second drawer down and then wrapped under his arm as James took one last frantic glance around the room. What was he forgetting? Come on James; THINK!

Of course! The Map! Merlin, he was not with it! With a snarl of frustration a brown hand shot out to grasp the folded lump of parchment, not even bothering to stuff it in his pocket. Instead he turned to Lily who still merely stared at his actions in bewilderment. James ran a frustrated hand through his hair. Shit, he didn't want to do this now!

Finally he worked up the courage to look her in the eye and his stare was openly pleading.

"I've got to go. "

Lily opened her mouth to gape incredulously at him.

"Now? "

"Yes! " Another frantic hand, almost tearing through the black unruly locks.

"You…you don't think we should talk? About what happened earlier? "

Still she stared at him with those eyes filled with disbelief and the beginnings of hurt. James winced and snuck another glance at his watch before groaning as he saw how late the hour was. He stared down into her white face hopelessly, begging her to understand.

"I can't Lils, I'm so late already."

Her brows descended in a glare, and he physically ached as she bit her lip to stop it from trembling.

"When you get back then...?"

James let out another sound of pure frustration and forced out the words unwillingly, however truthful they were. He shut his eyes tight, waiting for the blow.

"I won't be back. " he croaked out, " Not tonight… "

And just as he'd known it would, her face turned as white as a sheet, her emerald gaze suddenly hard and unseeing. His arms lifted unconsciously to grip her shoulders, his hazel eyes filled with desperation

"Lils, don't, please don't look like that! It's not what you think, I swear! "

That steel gaze didn't even waver and her voice when she spoke was so cold she didn't even recognise it as hers.

"Of course not. "

"Lily! "

"Just go. "

His hand crept to her cheek, fingers clenching in an inner struggle, wanting so badly to stay and undo this fucking mountain of a mistake he'd just made but at the same timing needing desperately to go. She didn't respond to the touch but her gaze softened, eyes shining too bright to be just the flickering candlelight. Inwardly his heart was ripping into shreds as he watched the tears being forced resolutely back. Tears he caused yet again! Cold, bastard that he was! Merlin how he hated himself in that moment, as she turned to finally look him in the eye and whispered soft as the grave,

"Go. "

He kissed her. There was nothing else he could do, and the warmth and irresistible sweetness of her mouth almost made his legs and his resolve turn to jelly. He could have kissed her for eternity and never be satisfied but all too soon she drew away, tiny fists clenched so her knuckles were white, and her lower lip nearly being torn in two by her teeth. His breath was coming in pants, desire already curling in his gut but he knew he couldn't stay. Every minute meant another broken bone for Sirius, another bleeding wound and howl of agony. Remus was always wildest when freshly released and after two months of solitude the beast would be beside itself in fury.

So with one last tortured look of longing, he dropped his hand and ran. Out the door, out the Common Room, down the corridor, faster than Olympics athletes could ever run, in a sprint longer than a racehorse could sustain. He ran like the hounds of hell were on his heels, and, as he finally breached the final door and gasped in that first lungful of outside air, he laughed bitterly to himself that soon they would be.

And sure enough as the huge muscled form of the stag burst out of his frame, the werewolf turned in the moonlight, turned away from the black dog it had been about to bite and ran towards him, hungry and rabid and needing desperately to run.

And so under the eye of the moon, across the silver slope of the grounds, the Marauders ran.

* * *

_"Good Luck…tonight… "_

_Silence. Cold and aloof, and finally broken. Broken by a voice colder still._

_"Thank you. "_

The words still hurt, tearing her heart in her chest more cruelly than the foreign flesh that tore into her now. The silent cry that was pulled from her lips was a reaction to both agonising wounds, both injurys that tomorrow would be equally invisible. And as her nails viciously drew blood, the moon seemed to gloat as cruelly as the face above her.

Seconds laters, he pushed her triumphantly over the hateful edge, smiling as she screamed.

* * *

**Wow. This chapter is so long overdue and so eagerly awaited, I had never been more scared of posting a chapter as I was this one. Everyone's expectations are so high and all the readers deserved only the very very best for waiting so patiently. All I can do is hope and pray Chapter 21 doesn't disappoint.**

**Obviously I want to apologise for my complete, unannounced and unexplained absence, with I can only do by say. My laptop basically broke down and I had take it to a professional to get it cleaned up. Luckily he managed to save almost everything on it, which I admit was my biggest concern. Now it's perfectly fine and my internet working. So all's basically good.**

**Next information is a one-shot from All Over Again that I've posted as the second chapter of first steps. It was originally meant to be put on the Bulletin Board but turned out again too long. It was written as a request from one reviewer who wanted to see some of the earlier moments in James and Lily's lives, their earlier interactions and relationship. So basically that's what it is ^^ It's a little different from my usually style, so my sister told me but she did also like it which is why it's being posted despite my misgivings. I hope you guys like it too ^^**

**The final thing I want to say is a big, mega, HUGE thank you to everyone who had waited and chivied and harassed me for this chapter, because quite frankly, I was sure that after a two month wait, you would all be sick and tired of me. It was every one who reviewed and sent me messages that showed me how brilliantly patient you were all being and for that I want to thank all of you and everyone who still read this even after my lateness.**

**Thank You.**

**Oh and of course, if you still love me enough;**

**READ AND REVIEW! **

**please ;)**

**That's all for now, and I'll be writing frequently from now on, so look out for chapter 22 in the next two weeks ;) **

**So so so so SO much love to all of you!**

**Lili**

**X x x x x x x x x x**


	22. Chapter 22

**Hey guys, only half-a chapter this time I know. I started my job as an au-pair two weeks ago and lets just say who knew one little four-year old could be so tiring. And scream so loud for that matter. =s Anyway, I didn't have as much free time as planned but as you can see I wanted to put up at least the first half tonight for one simple reason really.**

**As one particular reviewer, Greenly-Toxic, (Thank You!=) ) pointed out, today July the Fifteenth is the One Year Anniversary of All Over Again! **

**Yep it was exactly one year ago I first posted chapter one of this story; it doesn't seem quite real. Little did I know then that one year later I would have so many brilliant, wonderful, very very patient readers following what started out as a simple bit of fun. I guess this is a perfect time, place, and opportunity to say a huge, massive GINOURMOUS **

**THANK YOU!**

**To every one who reads this, whether you're loyal fans who've stuck with me from the beginning or newcomers just arrived. =D **

**I luv you all soooooooooo much and you are all my inspiration lol. ^^**

**Right, well before this gets too sappy I will say quite simply, This is only part one of Chapter 22, because part two isn't quite finished, but if I do say so myself, ;) this first half I've posted is probably my favourite. I dedicate it to James, whose job is to be completely and utterly God-Damn gorgeous in this chapter and I hope I've succeeded in making him so. =D**

**That was, by the way, a subtle invitation to correct me if I'm wrong: ;) Review, Review, REVIEW! Please =)**

**Luv ya all**

**Lili**

**X x x x x x x x x **

* * *

The water pounded over her body like a jet spray. Hot and pulsating, the drops were wrenched down her skin like claws, but even twisting the knob as far as it would go, it couldn't wash the thoughts away.

The bruises were appearing slowly in the morning sunlight, one by one; as if by magic, she almost laughed. But the smile broke half way and empty eyes closed as her head fell back against the wall. Her hand reached out automatically for the lump of hard, abrasive stone, gripping it tightly with fingers that finally were allowed to tremble.

Now that it was over.

Until next time.

No. She mustn't think about that. Now she just wanted to be clean. And red, rubbed and raw as it was, her skin had never felt more dirty.

So she continued to scrub.

* * *

She was lying there when he entered.

It was just gone five-thirty in the morning. The blood was still leaking heavily from his make-shift bandage, dark red pooling in his hand and leaking from his fingers. Every movement was agony, but healing it would take energy he didn't have yet. Closing the gashes in Sirius' side had used up all he'd got. Lesser wounds and scratches stung and his fractured wrist ached from the pressure of holding his stomach together, channelling the magic through his skin just like his mother had taught him to. The most basic first-aid a rookie auror learnt and used on himself. It was working, slowly, agonisingly slowly; the skin knitting, cell by cell. But the concentration necessary to keep the tiny flow steady, was making his head swim worse than it had from the fire-whiskey. Dittany would help, which was why he'd struggled back to the Head's Dorms.

The Marauders had relocated most of their medical stashes to his room after some very oblivious first years had tried to break into the Marauder dorm for a prank. The damage the kids did to themselves was so bad the Marauders hadn't even inflicted punishment. The relocation was done more for the safety of anyone else trying the same trick than worry of being found out One of the prats still turned green instead of red every time the girl he liked walked past.

But the Dittany was in his room and to get there meant crossing the Head's Common Room. A seemingly simple, easy task even with his guts almost falling out through his fingers. Until a half-glance towards the leather sofa stopped him dead in his tracks.

He hadn't consciously expected her to wait up for him, but seeing that she had, it seemed like such a very Lily thing to do. Never letting go that last flicker of hope. A painful way of living, Merlin knew, but sometimes the pain was worth living through. She hadn't given up on him. The thought made him almost weep with relief.

The second thing he noticed was the scarlet blanket crumpled into a pile next to the couch, having obviously slipped off her small frame during the night. And, tired and almost collapsing in pain as he was, suddenly his biggest worry was that she might have caught a chill whilst waiting for him to come back to her. It took several deep breaths and a few ground teeth but finally he was at her side; another swallowed groan and the red blanket was carefully pulled up and settled so that only her head and shoulders were visible.

Automatically James' eyes closed as his body protested against the movement but not even pain could keep him from looking at her for long. Not when she was cruel enough to look like that.

With the first faint rays of sunlight falling lazily across her face, highlighting the delicate curve of her cheek and casting thick shadows underneath her lashes, she took his breath away. Her mascara was still there from the night before, smudged at the corners; her skin was shiny from not having been washed and around the eyes looked distinctly red, but despite the pain and the guilt thudding in his chest all he could seem to think about was how, impossibly, she'd never been more beautiful.

His eyes stared as her chest rose and fell softly with each gentle breath. His tongue slid unconsciously over his lips as she shifted slightly in her sleep and the movement caused a thick lock of titan hair to fall into the smooth creamy crevice of her cleavage. Vaguely he listened to his brain battling out whether he loved or hated those skimpy pyjamas that left almost nothing to the imagination, imagination that right now was going haywire. Because he remembered those pyjamas despite the year that had passed since he'd last saw them and despite the very little time he'd allowed her to keep them on. The pale blue top and shorts decorated in cartoon sheep; he'd remember them till the day he died. Almost as clearly as he remembered what they hid.

James could only stand there transfixed, everything else blurring in his mind until even the agony seemed to be lessening. And he watched her, every heightened sense stretched to absolute maximum until her scent, her sounds and the way she glowed in the morning sun, all flooded his consciousness until nothing else existed.

He wasn't sure how long he stayed there. The sunlight crept higher and higher and his brain was telling him he was wasting what little time he would have to sleep, not to mention the gaping wound that was still oozing blood as it healed at a snail's pace. He needed to move, his brain yelled at him, needed to get that dittany and pour as much of it as possible into the ten inch long gash and then somehow find the strength to close the edges shut. Before the blood loss made him collapse.

Somehow that last thought penetrated, as the image of her finding him unconscious and bleeding on the carpet, made him tear his eyes away and force his tired brain to concentrate. Focus James.

He staggered over to the door to his room, almost falling against it as his legs slowly became less and less steady. The blood from his hand left a vivid scarlet smudge on the gold door knob. He'd have to wipe it away later. First he needed Dittany. Dresser. Second drawer down.

He needed to cross the room, but staying upright was getting more and more difficult as the pain escalated and his head swam. The dresser seemed to ripple and blur before his eyes. He wanted so badly to close them. It would…be easy. Just to let them fall. Lily could wake him for Potions.

Her face in his mind's eyes gave him the push even his iron will needed to stay conscious. His hand fumbled on the wooden handle but finally the drawer was pulled out, creaking noisily as it did so. Then the bottle. Even in the state he was in, James was with enough to know that picking the wrong tonic from the twenty or so stocked, could leave him worse state than any harm Remus could do. His fingers ran over the tops of the vials, forcing his eyes to focus as he searched blearily for the distinctive green lid.

That one? No; witch hazel. The next? No; blue lid. Bruise eraser. Poisonous. Mustn't drink. Green…where is it…THERE!

Closing his eyes with relief James sank to the wooden floor, pulling out the vial's stopper with clumsy fingers. Bracing himself for the inevitable pain, he gritted his teeth and resolutely pulled away the sodden bandages, gasping as the excruciating agony took him by surprise none the less. James almost swooned as his hands worked mechanically, repeating the actions he'd had drummed into him ever since his father had first started taking him training.

"Mop as much blood as possible, bandage away, every drop of dittany you stand into the wound. " James almost screamed as the entire vial disappeared into his guts . Desperately he mumbled the next step, focusing on the words to keep him conscious.

"Leave open for ARGHHHH…seven…seconds…then….SEAL "

His fingers were gripping his wand so hard he was vaguely surprised the mahogany didn't break as he pointed the tip at the very end of the wound. Then, a huge, shaking breath as he closed his eyes in readiness.

"Soldium…Dechirior! "

And, dragging the wand down the length of the tear, James screamed silently as the two gaping lips of flesh sealed together in it's wake.

Only when he reached the very edge did James allow the wand to slip from his bloody grasp and fall gasping and sobbing onto the scarlet rug, burying his face into the floor as the last thought in his head was not to wake her.

* * *

When he finally came to, the sunlight was streaming in through the open window. James covered his eyes and groggily sat up, immediately wincing as he did so. He couldn't help it; he swore softy as the pain hit like a sledge-hammer, inside and out. Breath, James, breath. In. Out.

It took a minute but eventually the pain subsided and he gingerly pulled up his tattered shirt and felt the damage. His hand came up clean. The wound was closed seamlessly, only the faintest pink line ran from his left pectoral down to the strong "V " of his hip bone on the other side. The skin was smooth and hard as ever and James almost grinned; at least the ladies wouldn't cry for his abs. Now for the next part.

It hurt like hell but finally, with ground teeth and shaking legs, James managed to pull himself to his feet. The bottle of dittany still lay discarded on the floor, completely empty, and he took another deep breath before bending over and picking it up, placing it carefully on the dresser. Then it occurred to him to look at his watch. The glass face was splattered in bloodstains, so he had to rub a little to be able to read it but eventually he could just make out the hands. 6h30. He'd been out roughly an hour. It was good and bad.

Bad because his alarm was set to go off in less than three quarters of an hours time, telling him to be up and to start moving.

Bad because it meant running on no juice for another twelve hours when all he really wanted to do right now was drown in his bed-linen.

Good because she was still asleep.

The thought made him let out a sigh of relief as his gaze automatically snapped to the half-open door. He staggered but a minute later he was standing shakily in the Head's Common Room, feasting his eyes on that perfect sleeping form James leaned against the hard stone wall and allowed his tired lids to close, the barest hint of a smile finally breaking through the pain.

She'd rolled over in her sleep, curled up into a foetal position on the couch, with the blanket wedged between her legs and the left side of her face pressed into the red and gold cushion. One tiny turquoise strap had slipped distractingly down a white shoulder to hang ever so slightly open, and the matching cotton shorts had ridden up far enough to make it necessary for James to swallow the saliva already pooling in his mouth. If he hadn't known better he would have sworn it to be deliberate, a wicked torturous punishment concocted to torment him with what he couldn't have. Could see but not yet touch. Smell but not quite taste. James almost laughed; only she could be so innocently seductive.

He moved closer, despite his unwillingness to wake her, still smiling that soft, almost disbelieving smile. It didn't seem real. Didn't seem possible to have another chance at such perfection. After his stupidity, his arrogance, hell; his despicable, vile cruelty; it still seemed wrong somehow to have this second lease of life with her.

As he knelt beside the sofa, she turned and murmured softly in her sleep, so quiet that only animagy abilities made it possible to pick out the words. No. One word. A single word that grabbed his heart and twisted it in his chest in a mixture of pain and indescribable pleasure that had his breath catch and his eyes smoulder.

"James. "

His hand was at her cheek. Smooth golden brown fingers brushing away the lock of hair from that cream silk skin. She turned into it, searching for the warmth just she'd done that first Monday back. His lids closed, as the memory of the emotions she'd provoked that day came flooding back. The shock, the lurch of his heart in joy that was immediately suppressed, battling with the cringe of embarrassment of being found out, as he'd thought. But she'd been simply dreaming, and just thinking about her dreaming of him made him bite his lip exactly as he had then. The same relief that she still felt something for him. The same pleasure that she wanted him still.

And the rush of overwhelming love he'd refused to acknowledge. A mistake. Never again.

James bent his head so that dark locks of black hair fell across her face as he breathed, softer than a sigh in her ear.

"I love you Lily. I love you, I love you, I'll love you till the sodding day I die! So please, please…don't leave me. "

The words seemed to break in his mouth as they poured madly, desperately from somewhere in his chest.

"Please…never leave… "

The need was almost unbearable and the love brought ridiculous, pathetic tears to his eyes for some stupid reason. He was breathing in her scent, the sweet spicy tang of her hair, his lips so close to her skin it was physically painful to keep them from touching. But she was probably still angry. And he wouldn't take what she might not want to give. James drew back, brow creased and lips still eagerly parted, before finally dropping his head into his hand and screwing his eyes tightly shut.

"James? "

His name murmured from her lips a second time made his head snap up in sudden panic. He half rose to his feet but she was already stirring. His heart was beating louder than a base drum so that even without superior senses, she had to hear it. Just as he was on the verge of fleeing, her iridescent lids flickered and opened so that those huge pools of brilliant emerald blinked up at him, still blurry from sleep. He couldn't look away.

She sat up, white fingers grasping her head as the sudden movement made her sway and she muttered wearily

"What time is it? "

James swallowed but replied without a pause.

"Ten to seven. You're not late. "

A smile of relief lit up her face even as it closed her eyes.

" Thank Merlin. Where… "

She frowned suddenly realising where she was. Her little nose wrinkled in an expression of confusion so adorable he was hard-put to keep his hands by his side.

"Why am I…? "

Then, just as he knew they would, those beautiful eyes widened as memory returned and a moment later she was glaring at him with a look that would have had stronger men than he, shaking in their shoes. Lily pulled her knees up to her chest and turned to scowl murderously at the other end of the sofa as though it was the leather's fault he'd acted liked such a complete dick.

For once in his life James had no plan. Any other girl who decided to ignore him, he would have either shrugged and walked away or charmed the pants of her until she relented, depending on how good a shag she was. But a soft kiss on the neck and a hand sliding devilishly high under her skirt wouldn't do it for Lily, and he wouldn't have even thought of treating her that way. But neither did he have the foggiest idea of what to say.

The silence was awful. But how to break it. James rocked back and forth slightly on his heels, feeling the first twinge of cramping but unwilling to move lest in be the wrong thing to do. And still she didn't look at him, burning a whole in the furniture with her eyes, her entire body tense as a wire.

Five minutes ticked past and James battled to stop his knees from giving way.

Ten minutes crawled past and the sweat was gathering on his brow.

Fifteen minutes…

Twenty minutes later he could stand it no longer, almost catapulting to his feet with a wince as his newly repaired muscles protested and he let out a hiss through his teeth that finally brought that fuming emerald gaze to his.

Their eyes locked. The air crackled. The moment held until…

Lily turned away once more and resumed her livid observation of the sofa.

James chin dropped, his eyes closing in guilt and frustration. Not at her; never with her! Merlin knew he deserved the cold silent treatment but frustration at circumstances and fate for making him unable to explain exactly why he'd had to leave last night. Why he couldn't ever have done anything else.

It still hurt though.

Lids still closed, James turned towards the door to his room and braced himself for the twinge of pain, when suddenly her voice cut through the nightmare, soft and bitter.

"That's it then. Not even a word of…anything! "

James swung round, too quick to pass for normal human velocity but thank Merlin she wasn't in the mood to notice. Instead she was staring up at him in a pitiful mixture of anger and hurt and the way her lip trembled ever so slightly made him feel even more miserable than he already was. The swearwords were shouted mentally inside his head, cursing himself and his stupidity with every word under the sun, whilst the smarter part of his brain, the one that sounded oddly like Sirius, pointed out unsympathetically that insulting himself wasn't going to solve the problem.

She was still waiting and James swallowed, gathering his courage and said

"What do you want me to say…? "

Not that. Emerald fires ignited in the redhead's eyes as she leapt to her feet to push him furiously in the chest.

"ANYTHING you stupid…great…PRAT! How about "I'm sorry for walking out on you. " or where you were last night? Doesn't any of that ring some kind of bell in that thing you call a brain? "

She broke off as he buckled and winced, small fists on his torso where they'd been pounding with every ounce of strength she had. Lily frowned, bewildered and suddenly worried. It wasn't supposed to hurt. It never hurt; her small hands bounced off the curves of hard muscles with no more effect than flies. So the sight of him struggling to hold in a cry of pain, made her face whiten in panic.

"James? What's wrong? You're hurt! I didn't mean…Oh God James I'm sorry! "

His hand came out to cut her off, staring earnestly into her frightened eyes as he rushed to reassure her

"It's not you! And please, don't…whatever you do, don't apologise. " James half-laughed bitterly, "Merlin, anything but that. "

Still she stared into his contorted face, her own expression one of pure helplessness that wrung his heart so much he had to continue; anything to wipe that panic-stricken guilt from her eyes.

"A bruise, nothing more. Nothing to worry about. " he struggled upright to lean heavily against the wall, forcing his lips into a ghost of a smile. Not unsurprisingly, it didn't work. Instead of being reassured, Lily glared up at him, eyes too bright and too hard to be anything but accusation. Sure enough.

"Great. First you run out on me; now you're lying to me. I feel so _loved. _" she bit out.

The words hurt as much as she'd intended them too; James' gold skin whitened and the muscle in his jaw spasmed as white teeth snapped together.

Breath. Breath. She's right to be pissed. Don't be a fool and fuck up even more. She came to you last night and you bloody threw it in her face; don't you dare lose your fucking temper with her now! The effort it took for James to swallow the blistering retort burning on his lips was almost too much, and though he'd forced the initial fire down, he could still feel the anger simmering, just below the surface. The feeling of unfairness; the need to snap at her that she had no idea of what he'd been through last night, let alone Remus, and why! The almost consuming desire to snarl at her hypocriticalness; as if she wouldn't have done the same for one of her friends, stupid Gryffindor that she was! As if she had even the slightest notion of what…

Breath. Now.

How dare she judge…

Again. Breath, now.

She doesn't have any idea…!

Exactly. So breath. Stupid bloody prat.

Through the madness, James almost smiled. The last addition was said in a voice so reminiscent of Sirius that he vaguely wondered whether his friend had somehow sensed the monumental mistake he was on the verge of committing. Impossible as it sounded, a small part of his tired brain seemed to smirk arrogantly at him. James shook his messy head in an effort to clear it. Remind him to thank Sirius later. Just in case.

James took one last resonating deep breath and opened his hazel eyes to directly meet her burning gaze.

"I'm sorry. "

Her face closed up like a fan. Looking at the floor, she turned to leave when his arms shot out to hold her still.

"Lils, please, hear me out. "

No answer but no resistance either. His hands slid from their strong grip on her shoulders, down the pale skin of her arms, refusing to allow himself to be distracted by her damned perfection.

"I do want to talk. I want to tell you everything, so badly! "

The desperate honestly in his voice made her finally lift her head to gaze with sad reluctance into his handsome face. Inwardly she berated herself for noticing just how gorgeous he somehow managed to look at seven thirty in the morning; his hair looking as though he'd just got off a broom; his skin gleaming like amber from the sunlit, scarlet curtains and his eyes more intoxicating than the cognac they took their colour from. He was so beautiful she wanted to weep and so frustratingly stupid she wanted to scream but she did neither, waiting yet again for some kind of reason that would make it all ok.

And with his record, her expectations weren't high.

"And I will. "

Lily's widened in sudden disbelief and then the beginnings of treacherous hope. He saw her expression and continued, never breaking eye contact.

"I promise I will tell you as much as I can but you have to understand; a part of this; a big part; isn't my secret to tell. "

James held her hands tighter as the redhead looked away in disappointment and he lifted her chin, words falling desperately from his lips, eyes pleading with her to comprehend why he couldn't give his brother's deepest secret away. Begging her to trust him, to grant him this one request because it was the one thing he would never, could never compromise on. Even if her refusal to accept that drove them apart.

Their gazes locked; passion and love and something more, something far deeper passing between them in the silent morning sunlight.

And then, slowly, unbelievingly, she nodded.

James stared down into that lovely face, inexplicable moisture rendering his eyes unusually bright but she spared his dignity and didn't comment. Instead she smiled, and that smile was like a burst of sunshine through the clouds, warming the entire room almost as much as it warmed his suddenly rapidly-beating heart.

His fingers crept hesitatingly up to her cheek, brown silk on cream and James' eyes closed in pure relief as she leaned into his hand. When he opened them her smile had quirked into an impish grin, the barest hint of the smirk she had cheekily pilfered, tugging at the corner of her lips. Lips that seemed to be calling his bloody name like the cruel siren she was.

And he'd used up all his self control for one day.

The famous smirk broke lose and danced in triumph as he lowered his head to hers, fingers teasing the curls at the nape of her neck before finally pulling upwards and crushing his lips to hers.

The heat was instantaneous and intoxicating. Their mouths moving greedily, tongues dancing and battling in unison and James groaned at the blissful relief of touching her, tasting her as he'd burned to ever since he'd opened that door. She tasted like honey and cinnamon and felt like heaven on earth and his hands were beyond his control as they roamed over every inch of deliciously bared skin that no over man on earth would ever be allowed to touch. She was HIS and he wanted her so badly every part of him ached in a way that bore no resemblance to his earlier pain. It was pure burning lust and the little minx's smile against his lips showed how completely aware of it she was. Like she could hardly mistake THAT for his wand. As if in answer to his admittedly one-tracked thoughts, she pressed her body impossibly closer to his, soft perfection to hard muscle and her hands in his hair made escape impossible, even if he had wanted to.

Like fucking Hell!

James growled, the sound vibrating in his throat and she gasped breathily in answer, low and hot and provoking as the scalding sweetness of her mouth.

They stumbled towards the couch, mouths still fused, hands still roaming and bodies all but on fire. And as James pushed her roughly onto the scarlet cushions nothing more in the world seemed to exist apart from the girl in his arms and the happiness pounding in his heart.

* * *

"Wait! "

Lily blinked up at the boy who had just wrenched his mouth away from hers, leaving it free to fall open in complete bewilderment. But that simple action alone was fatal. His thick glossy hair was tousled like he'd ran through a windstorm, his glorious chest still heaving from their…exertions and his lips were swollen and pink and moist enough to drive her insane.

The response was automatic; her hands reached up around his neck to yank him back to her with a moan of fierce, burning desire. That matching passion still smouldered deep in his own eyes, so imagine her shock when yet again he pulled out of reach.

"Classes. " he offered weakly, as she pouted up at him in frustration. Lily made a sound somewhere between a mew and a growl and reached up once more with purpose.

Again he slipped dexterously away and then, to her even greater horror, off her completely, moving to sit on the other arm of the sofa. Lily could only gape at him; he…was he seriously refusing to snog her?

James ran his hand through his hair with a sigh before taking a deep calming breath and meeting her confused gaze. The almost affronted look on her face made his lips quirk up in a rueful grin as he quickly leant forward and pressed them to hers, but before she'd even had time to settle back down beneath him, he broke off the kiss and moved back until only his hand still cupped her cheek.

"Transfiguration Lils, you know you can't afford to miss it. "

Lily scowled, hating the fact that the stupid show-off was right almost as much as she hated that mischievous glint of mockery dancing in his hazel irises. Stupid class. Stupid JAMES. Just because the prat happened to have a natural talent for the subject rivalling Dumbledore himself, the smarmy git thought it hilarious of someone actually having to WORK to simply pass the dumb excuse for a lesson.

Said prat smiled sweetly back at her, the picture of very very handsome innocence. It was ridiculously unfair, she sulked; how could such a shameless flirt look so temptingly angelic. Shouldn't be allowed.

A thought suddenly struck her.

"Since when have you cared about being late for classes? " she demanded indignantly.

The suddenly blank look on his face made her eyes narrow in instant suspicion as his hand lifted to rumple the back of his hair. It was highly distracting and for the briefest moment the heat stirred in her body and flushed her cheeks but she pushed it reluctantly away. She was NOT going to let him get off that easily.

Lily folded her arms and lifted her chin ominously, face hard and determined. James groaned inwardly, guessing quite rightly he wouldn't be able to wriggle out of this one. Not when he'd promised to tell her the truth only ten, hmmm…delicious minutes ago.

Didn't stop him feeling like a right pansy.

"You…you said yesterday that… " bloody hell this was difficult! Lily stared at him uncompromisingly and he sighed.

"Ok, ok. You said…and I quote, " he mumbled " 'To start deserving you.' "

There was a stunned silence as Lily tried to assemble her tangled thoughts, but he was already speaking again, forcing the words out as though they made him physically uncomfortable.

"And well, That's…that's what I want to do. Respect your wish to take things slow…until you're ready to give me another chance. Respect…YOU. "

He stopped gabbling to look at her helplessly but Lily simply stared. James grasped his hair with frustrated fingers.

"Argh! Damn why is this not coming out right? God if ever Sirius finds out about this… " the baleful mutterings were directed more to himself than her, finally squaring his broad shoulders valiantly, face contorted as though about to swallow a live frog.

"Therefore…I don't want…We're not…I'm not going to DO you! "

For a long long moment, silence followed this solemn pronouncement, made with the air of one agreeing to a sacrifice that would be physically painful.

Long, blank silence.

Until it was broken by a peal of hysterical laughter.

Oh dear. Almost weeping with mirth Lily could still just about pick out the stunned look of affrontment that was written all over her loves face but she couldn't HELP it! His air of wounded dignity only made her laugh harder, tears streaming helplessly down her face as his lip stuck out in an adorable pout and he turned his head, straight nose in the air as he huffed like a schoolboy.

"I'm sorry! Really! Don't sulk James, " another irrepressible giggle as he glared at her wrathfully. "It's just…you sounded so serious…and then to put it like that… " She couldn't continue, instead giving into hysteria once more and falling back onto the couch holding her sides.

James eyed her writhing form with deepest disgust before pulling himself stiffly to his feet.

"I'm going to shower. " he pronounced, all wounded dignity as he strode to his dormitory door. Pushing it open he suddenly swung round to gleam at her darkly.

"Before I throw aside my Gentlemanly intentions and fuck you until you can no longer even stand. "

The image was enough to stop her laughter abruptly, and his lips spread into a devilish smile as her heartbeat stuttered and then quickened. One last long lick of his lips, a wink almost dripping with innuendo and he was gone, leaving her hot and bothered and suddenly extremely wanting. The water turned on in the other room, loud enough for her to hear and Lily grinned ruefully as his rich, rippling laughter could just be heard over the noise. Damn prat. Now she had ten minutes to wait with nothing to keep her mind from imagining exactly how deliciously gorgeous, wet and naked he was right now under that cascading water.

Then, suddenly, his voice yelling through the wall startled her out of the beginning of what promised to be a very pleasant ten -minute-long day-dream.

"AND YOU'RE COMING DOWN TO BREAKFAST WITH ME! "

* * *

It was a door, just a door, Lily told herself firmly. Nothing to be afraid of. Nothing at all. Just wood and iron…and four hundred people on the other side about to lynch her…

"James I can't do this! "

James rolled his eyes to the heavens and smiled down into her terrified face with not even a hint of impatience.

"We've been through this Lils. " he said soothingly, while his hands gently pried her white knuckled fingers from his shirt before it was ruined completely.

"It's just breakfast. We are, regrettably I might add, NOT going to snog, NOT going to make-out or engage in any other pleasurable activity that might somehow give the false impression that we are going out. " he finished with a sigh of obvious regret before lifting her chin, gold fingers stroking gently and reassuringly.

"We are going to eat breakfast. "

Huge emerald eyes stared up at him, thoroughly unconvinced.

"YOU'RE going to eat breakfast; I'M going to be eaten FOR breakfast. Alive. By GROUPIES!" she whined, gazing up at him beseechingly.

James' lips twitched but he heroically repressed the laughter with a self-control she HADN'T exerted an hour earlier. Still he couldn't quite repress the smug smile, silently commending himself for his gentlemanly behaviour.

"WHY are you smirking? » Lily demanded petulantly. James quickly assumed his most innocent expression. She'd probably burst into hysterics again; he snorted inwardly at the ungratefulness of the female species. Then he shot her his most devastatingly cocky grin.

"I'm just enjoying the mental picture of Mick's face when we walk in. And hoping the real thing will be even better. " he replied in deep satisfaction. It was Lily's turn to roll her eyes, an action that he cheerfully ignored, still grinning evilly in delighted anticipation. Then, trademark smirk still firmly on his face, he held out his arm in very much the grand manner.

Lily quirked an eyebrow at him and that gorgeous smirk widened, eyes glinting with wicked laughter.

"Come come, Evans, this is all training for the Ministry Ball and I take my position as tutor seriously." he admonished cheekily before continuing with a deceptively thoughtful expression.

"As is holding hands, snogging, making out, touching you up during class…" His eyes danced but Lily had already readily snorted and pushed the door determinedly open.

As predicted, in that one stunned moment, the Great Hall fell silent as the grave.

You could have heard a pin drop. Or a jaw.

Or three hundred of them.

Hogwarts could only stare.

Lily swallowed repeating Moniqua's mantra in her mind as she forced her body to keep moving smoothly forward. One foot gracefully in front of the other, head held high, lips curved in the lightest of smirks.

James was a foot behind her but she resisted the temptation to glance back at him, knowing without looking the perfectly relaxed grin that would mischievously curving his lips as his long graceful strides took him easily to her side, complete and utter confidence oozing out of every pore. Even as she fought to keep her eyes determinedly away from the hundreds of shell-shocked gazes all fixed on her and her companion, she could sense him returning them all, revelling in the stir as he fought back the laughter.

Resisting the urge to roll her eyes, she drew to a halt beside the Gryffindor Table and raised a questioning eyebrow at him. Without a pause, he nodded and swaggered away to the surprisingly empty Marauder Space, turning around halfway to arch his own brows back at her when she didn't immediately follow.

Lily threw quick glance to where Jenny and Jamie stared and Alice and Emily smiled secretly before following confidently down the table, spurred on from their nods of encouragement. James grinned at her devilishly as she lowered herself gracefully onto the bench, fingers twisting a strand of hair nervously despite Moniqua's voice of disapproval in her head. Some habits you just couldn't break and Lily couldn't help but feel that even Moniqua would be slightly…unnerved by the aura of complete and utter hatred now emanating from every girl aged thirteen and over, in the school.

A brief glance over her shoulder and Lily was met by the fanatical glares of over one hundred crazed females, all of them swearing silently to have her murdered or at least permanently disfigured before the day was out. Amanda looked as if she'd swallowed a lemon, Jennifer Backbone's eyes were round as dinner plates through her ugly glasses and Taylor Swift was bawling her eyes out onto the shoulder of the girl next to her who looked almost as devastated. Lily smirked in satisfaction, correctly guessing that the brunette was one of the other sluts James had been shagging the past few weeks and equally secure in the knowledge that the bitches wouldn't be receiving his services any longer. The redhead practically purred in pleasure.

James smirked back at her, reading her thoughts exactly and decidedly smugly satisfied at her proprietary manner. The spark of jealously and the sadistic delight in seeing his flirts openly disappointed, it all showed that taking things slow or not, unconsciously at least, she had already claimed him as hers. And nothing in the world could make James smile wider.

Lily flushed slightly and began piling banana pancakes onto her plate, avoiding his eye. James watched her in satisfaction, only taking his eyes off her to smirk arrogantly around the room at various disappointed looking guys, Mick Davis being notably one of them. The Head Boy cupped the back of his neck in his hand and sighed contentedly

Bad luck Mick. Looked like he'd be keeping those twenty galleons after all. Another quick glance at the gorgeous girl in front of him and James closed his eyes with a smile.

All mine.

* * *

**There it is; Part One =) It's not a lot I know, (only about 7000 words but well it is my Anniversary (And hopefully still will be when my internet starts working) and what better way to celebrate that to have the first taste of something really starting to go right between our favourite couple. =D**

**Part Two will be put up as soon as humanely possible but as I said,an Au-pair really doesn't get a lot of free time for writing lol. On the upside you do have ample oppurtunity for thinking, so both the rest of this chapter and the one following are completely planned out =D Now I just need to write them lol ^^**

**Hope you liked it as much as I did ^^**

**Thanks once again to everyone who reads this and satisfys my terrible greedy desire for reviews; You are all incredible!**

**Luv ya lots (and lots and lots and lots etc...) ;)**

**Lili**

**x x x x x x x xx **


	23. Chapter 23

**Heya all. Well, you'll probably be glad to know I'm too knackered to write a huge long bla-bla at the beginning of this chapter, as it is now 4h30 in the morning and I have a train to catch in under eight hours. Yes, this chapter is posted in celebration of my going home and in mourning that my time as an Au-Pair is ended. It really was one of the best experiences of my life.**

**SO this chapter is dedicated to my brave knight, my Méchant Garçon and my Little Monster who I have grown to love ridiculously much and who's probably going to make me blubber when he waves goodbye tomorrow. I will miss you so so so so so much!**

**The other thing I want to mention; basically a plea to everyone who likes my writing to check out the first chapter of my other fic, Tears of Gold, and tell me what you think. Pretty pretty please lol ;) Oh and a very very small extra scene in First Steps!**

**Sorry as ever for my terrible lateness but I hope you like this one =)**

**Luv you All**

**Lili**

**X x x x x x x x x x **

**PS: Just thought I might warn you, there's an almost smutty bit at the end. Not REAL smut but heading that way lol, so to all youngsters out there…well, just say that I told you very strictly not to read it ;)**

**PPS: NO jumping ahead! XD XD XD You might get a shock ;)**

* * *

The hospital wing was completely silent. The only signs of life were the faint rustlings of sterilized white curtains and the soft snores of the Ravenclaw second year occupying the bed nearest to the Entrance. The stillness was eerie, the eyes of the portraits on the bland cream walls almost accusing, as if they knew who she was and that she wasn't wanted. She glared stubbornly back, slipped defiantly through the door and closed it softly behind her.

The rubber soles of her deliberately chosen trainers made no noise as she padded daintily between the two never-ending rows of beds. The second year turned over and groaned slightly in his sleep but didn't wake, and she let out a silent sigh of relief. All the other curtains were drawn back save the one at the very farthest end of the ward. Her pale lids closed briefly, stealing herself before lifting her chin and continuing her hushed walk towards it.

Only one of the thick hangings were pulled round, the other rendered unnecessary by the wall that protected the bed on the other side, so that when she edged nervously forward and poked her head around to peep at the occupant, the sight of him deeply asleep made her relax and lean back against the cool stone in relief.

The slight smile didn't last long though, he was too tired, too pale and too drained; her heart-shaped face creased in worry as she watched him toss and turn, at the mercy of uneasy dreams. The urge to wake him stung her fingertips but the need, the longing to steal a few more moments overcame it. She was still selfish and spoilt at heart.

His dirty blond locks clung to the white, wrinkled brow that was slick with sweat. Beads of the clamminess ran slowly down his pale neck and he turned his head once more as though it irritated. The thick blond lashes lay clumped and wet against his thin cheeks, fluttering constantly as the nightmares still held him firmly in their grasp and again she wished so badly to wake him.

But she couldn't. She couldn't be here at all. So she simply watched.

"Leave. "

The crisp biting voice from the shadows made the girl gasp and turn on the spot, mane of chestnut curls flying in panic. The hardness on Sirius' flawless face didn't waver, his full lips never losing their contemptuous curl. An instant later though, she recovered herself, lifting her chin and parting her lips into that gentle lilting smile with the ease of one who learnt to charm the other sex before she even learnt to walk.

"What would you have done if I'd screamed? " Jenny wondered aloud, eyes big and brown and innocent as a baby as she tilted her head to the side and eyed him with careful watchfulness.

"Strangled you. Get out. "

A flash of something crossed the girl's face, but it was gone before even Sirius Black could decipher it's meaning. His forget-me-not blue eyes narrowed slightly but the Potter smirk was already gracing her pretty pouting lips as she tossed her curls and pushed her diminutive frame back from the wall behind her.

"Easy Black, I'm already gone. "

One cork-screwed lock was pushed cockily behind her ear, she threw him a dazzling smile and made to strut past his tall motionless figure. She had only gone two steps however when suddenly a large brown hand shot out and grasped her arm by mischance on one of the many places that still ached, the gesture hard and abrupt enough to make her almost cry out. Nothing on her face would have given it away however when Jenny turned to him, one brow mockingly raised as she waited with sparkling eyes and lips stretched upward in challenge.

He said not a word but pulled his hand back, lifting it to his nose in silence and Jenny almost frowned. Then suddenly his gaze flew upwards, locking with hers in a blaze of blue-black fire.

"Bruise-remover, " he said softly, eyes sparkling enigmatically as all at once the girl's face became tense and blank. "Now why…? "

The lilting question was never finished. Jenny leapt back with a fierce glare, grasping her wrist as though to protect it from his scrutiny. The smirk didn't quite reach her eyes as she forced it back to her lips, and Sirius' canine nose was almost drowning in the sudden wave of panic pouring off her pale skin.

"These things happen. " she smiled sweetly, trying for her usual cheeky complacence. But Sirius was barely listening, staring into nothing he simply breathed in the surrounding air as though waiting for it to tell him something.

"But rarely so…thoroughly. " he finally returned, opening his eyes to rake her entire small figure up and down through his black lashes as though she were a puzzle he was trying to decipher. Jenny fought back a swallow, holding that frustratingly breath-taking gaze that seemed to see everything she was trying desperately to keep hidden. In reflex, the smirk jumped back to her lips, the mischievous gleam to her hazel eyes as she attempted to steal back the advantage.

"Is this concern I'm hearing from you, Sirius? How positively heart-warming. " she taunted merrily, impossibly long brown lashes brushing the skin beneath them in a tantalising caress. He didn't rise to the bait and Jenny pouted prettily for all the world as though he'd deliberately ruined her fun.

"Not even one smile? " she tried again, opening her already huge eyes even wider in hopeful appeal "I'm getting so jealous at seeing them only second-hand. "

Still not even a flicker of an eyelid and Jenny let out a disappointed sigh.

"Oh well, can't help but try. I will leave you to your peace and surliness. " the laughter sparkling like sunlight on water, even the stuffy ward seemed suddenly brighter. Jenny tossed her curls and threw the expressionless god-like figure one last dazzling smile and skipped blithely down the aisle towards the door.

Her hand was closing around the smooth gold handle when the words floated to her ears like silk though the shadows.

"Who would have thought it; the Great Jenny Dreamer a masochist. "

The sudden blazing glare of hatred he received in return almost startled Sirius into stepping back a pace. Jenny's eyes burned almost black in unrestrained rage, her teeth gritted behind the snarl and her answer when it came was almost a hiss.

"Sirius Black; go fuck yourself. "

Like a goddess in her wrath she turned and threw open the door with a bang that made the unfortunate second year leap two foot in the air and almost wet himself in fright. Sirius however paid no attention to the insignificant speck. Instead he stared at the door that was now swinging back slowly into place, as though he could still see her small curvaceous figure standing there. Behind eyes really too big, too blue and too beautiful to be real, the acknowledged genius' brain was buzzing into overload. The school idol stood as still and perfect as a marble statue until a faint stirring behind him made him turn smartly around and walk back to the far end of the ward.

Remus peered up at him with a weariness that had the lump of stone suddenly pounding in Sirius' broad chest. In an instant he was at his brother's side, pushing back the sticky locks of hair from his brow, his lips twisting into a small smirk too bitter and too cynical to really be called a grin. Still the look in his eyes was fierce and filled with an affection so deep it brought a faint smile to the other boy's face.

"All over mate. "

Remus sighed, nodded and stretched his aching muscles, pressing into the cushions with a slight grunt. Then he frowned, memory returning as he peered blearily up at his friend in puzzlement.

"You were talking to someone. The door banged so I'm guessing they left. "

Sirius beautiful head nodded, ebony locks gleaming bright and brilliant in the sunlight from the nearby window. Remus's eyes were already drifting closed once more but he fought the numbing weariness just enough to mutter vaguely

"Who was it…? "

If Remus had been fully awake, fully conscious and his brain fully functioning, the deception would never had worked. The werewolf would have heard the infinitesimal hesitation as though it had lasted a minute. He would have caught the flash of something pass over though flawless features and jumped on it with the reflexes of a hunter. And he would have never been fooled by the distracted, murmured excuse for an answer.

"Just another slut. "

As it was, Remus Lupin drifted back into slumber.

* * *

Five minutes into first lesson, and Lily realised what the main advantage of being "friends " with James Potter really was. She would never have to worry about a Transfiguration project again.

The task that day was proving to be straight out of Lily's worst nightmares. The stylised version of the Conjuring Spell, already complicated in its own right, was proving a task worthy of Merlin himself to most of the class. Creating a completely imaginary creature from nothing was ten times harder than a creating a known one and Lily had all but thrown her wand down on the table in disgust in the first five minutes.

So far only one person had actually produced a make-believe mutant actually worthy of a pass-mark in Professor McGonagall's highly critical opinion and Lily had religiously ignored his stupidly handsome grin for the entire one and a half hour duration of the lesson. However, on the rare occasion the obnoxious show-off wasn't throwing his trademark smirk in her face, her emerald eyes seemed to automatically drift across the room to sneak an appreciative peek. Lily couldn't help it; his strong yet elegant hands seemed to make wand-waving into an art-form; each movement was crisp and precise, yet always with that same languid ease of one to whom excelling is as natural as breathing.

The school idol had mastered the spell in only twenty minutes, a feat that had earned him an admittedly well-deserved thirty points for Gryffindor House. The strange, exotic combination of all four of the Hogwarts House Emblems, was of course deliberately eye-catching and undeniably impressive; Half of the Ravenclaws, the females member's in particular, were still clambering about the desk occupied by the only two Marauder's present, and it was hard to tell whether James or Peter was enjoying the attention more.

So far no-one else had performed the spell quite so successfully; indeed only three people had managed to conjure anything at all. Lily thought that, had they been present, Sirius and quite possibly Remus too, could have also mastered it by now, but the pair had been absent all morning. Remus had apparently fallen badly down the stairs last night and hit his head hard on the stone floor. Lily had immediately jumped up at this point in James' explanation, declaring her immediate intention to skip the rest of breakfast to go and visit him in the Hospital Wing, but James had rather quickly pointed out that his friend was still unconscious. Sirius was sitting with him until he woke up, which explained her darling's rather less unusual absence from class.

Worry for Remus fought with a grumpy sniff as Lily muttered to herself that the pair probably wouldn't even fall behind; Sirius particularly would probably swagger into their next Transfiguration Lesson and earn himself an immediate Outstanding. The redhead scowled; stupid boy's who had the cheek to ace every class without lifting so much as one haughty finger, whilst _some_ people sat waving her wand for an entire hour without even an ink splatter to show for it.

Beside her, Jenny was faring a little better, being one of the few members actually to have produced _somthing_, but from McGonagall's sniff, a half-slug half worm hybrid was not up to the standard desired. Jenny had taken said comment rather personally and had promptly abandoned the attempt as pointless, lounging back gracefully in her chair with an unusually closed expression on her face, instead occupying herself with conjuring flies to harass the teacher every time she turned her stern gaze elsewhere.

Emily and Alice were still valiantly giving it their best shots but after half an hour of failure, the enthusiasm was rather lacking and a parchment covered with two battle-ships grids appeared and disappeared magically every time the Transfiguration Teacher's head was turned.

Lily however, was furiously determined not to let the one subject on the curriculum that she DIDN'T have a talent for, get the better of her and albeit with a look on her face that would have scorched a hole through three inch concrete, not even for a breath did she pause. Again and again her hand tried desperately to copy the gentle, almost artistic movement McGonagall had demonstrated at the beginning of the lesson but as the minutes ticked past and nothing happened, the only thing being conjured was the rapidly growing desire to throw her wand out of the nearby window.

It was of course at this precise moment that the teacher in question halted in her smart purposeful march between the desks, to peer sternly and expectantly down her hawked nose at the fuming redhead. Lily gazed up at her Head of House pleadingly but the damning expression didn't even flicker, and so, with a sigh of hopelessness, Lily caressed and flicked and twirled the air with her wand…to absolutely no avail.

The black-haired professor gave the Head girl a look that had Lily squirming into the deepest depths of her chair and, with a disapproving sniff, marched to the front of the class and clapped her hands for silence. Immediately the room fell quiet. Every member of the class turned their heads towards the raised dais and the stern-faced woman barked sharply.

"Anyone who by the end of this lesson has not made SOME semblance at least of progress will be given a three foot essay, recapitulating the theory of this spell and the difficulties one may encounter. Hopefully this shall remind you all that you are in Newt Level Transfiguration and are expected to have some small skill and application in this class. "

The baleful glare was shot directly at Lily who flushed and gripped the edge of her table tightly. Professor McGonagall resumed her examination of the disgusting cross-breeds some people were just beginning to conjure and the redhead slumped in her seat, cursing the teacher and the subject with every one of the limited swearwords she knew.

"Stupid, fat-headed COW, bloody evil harpy, mean sadistic hawk-nosed BI… "

A rich laugh broke off her muttering and swing round in panic but the taunting grin that gleamed back at her made her sigh in profound relief. James' eyes danced as he folded his arms and tutted mockingly at her

"Really, Evans, is that the example a head Student should be setting? " her scowl made him laugh again, rich and throaty as she turned smartly away from him and he crept cheekily up behind her. Lily desperately tried to repress the shiver of pleasure as his head bent so that his dark locks caressed her cheek and he whispered evilly in her ear.

"You could ask for a little help. "

The almost inaudible growl made his eyes light up gold in unholy mirth and again his hot breath made her swallow and her heart pound at his proximity.

"Ask…nicely…that is… "

Gold fingers brushed her waist tantalisingly and again his velvet voice dripped with suggestion and wicked mockery , but she could hear the affection now behind the taunting, no longer malicious but almost - Lily flushed bright pink-loving.

It still didn't quite seem real, having him so close, so warm, having him at all when only a month ago he had hated her with a passion to set the sky on fire. Her mind was still marvelling silently when a gentle grip on her wrist made her start and Lily would have lurched away in shock had his muscled forearm not tightened possessively round her waist.

"Shhhh. Just go with it. "

Heart pounding like a drum in her chest, Lily obeyed, noticing with a tiny sigh of disappointment as his left arm released it's grip across her flat stomach. The sigh was silent even to her own ears, but, almost as though he had heard it, those perfect lips quirked up into his smuggest smirk, just visible from her view-point, head tucked neatly as it was just under his chin, a little to the side. Again she blushed slightly but his hand was already moving and a moment later all she could do was stare transfixed as, golden grip still gently around her wrist, he guided her through the wand movements with mesmerising grace and precision.

James grinned a little more arrogantly as the white fingers inches from his own, trembled ever so slightly. He could hear her heart beating fast and hard as a racehorse in full gallop and the unmistakable scent of desire was teasing his nostrils and mixing with her own sweet and spicy perfume. All in all she smelt good enough to eat, TOO good, he grinned ruefully as the scent did things to his body that it really shouldn't be doing in Transfiguration class. Not unless he wanted to give Minnie a apoplexy.

So, with commendable strength and fortitude of character James pushed back the waves of uncontrollable teenage horniness and forced his mind to concentrate fully on the task on hand; namely saving his love from the extra homework that would utilise way too much of her time and energy, both of which he had quite a number of plans for. Plans that in no way included writing or, gold and hazel gleamed wickedly, even talking for that matter…

BUT for those fantasies to become reality he would have to be on his best behaviour now.

The devilish smirk was firmly repressed once more until it lurked innocently in the back of his eyes, invisible to the rest of the world. Easy Prongs, be a good boy now and you can be a bad boy later. One last delighted dance and the gleam settled down, content to wait for the good things that proverbially came.

"Up, down, and CUUUURVE, as though you're drawing. Think of it as a masterpiece that you're CREATING rather than a spell. Like when you sketch. FEEL it. "

His dazzling smile made her heart stutter but she pulled herself together in an attempt to grasp what he was saying. The frown creased her brows as she followed the movement her hand was being led through so beautifully, with her eyes. It made sense, in some abstract, philosophical kind of way and so she closed her eyes and tried to allow her mind to relax, breathing long deep breaths just as she did before beginning a portrait, taking time to simply imagine the art before bringing it carefully to life.

The hand lost it's tension and frustration. James allowed his lips to tug upwards in self-satisfaction and slowly, oh so slowly, drew away. Still the movement continued, back and forth and around, smooth and elegant as the strands were pulled together in her mind's eyes; a dash, a brushstroke, a tiny highlight, building the layers, moulding the creature until…

There was a glow of gold light and Lily opened her eyes when the sight that met them made her nearly drop her wand in surprise.

It was tiny, only ten centimetres at most in height and it was…perfect. A tiny stag form, complete with needle-point antlers and black hooves danced and pranced across the wooden table before lifting its head and plunging into the air, greeny-blue, dragonfly wings beating up and down faster than the eye could follow. James and Lily stared, one in shock the other in bemusement. Inside James' mind was whirling. Was it just coincidence that she'd been inspired by a stag, a silver, brown eyed stag that he knew as well as his own reflection. For more than obvious reasons.

The little thing buzzed cheerfully up and them and all at one Lily's face broke into a huge, triumphant smile. Her white hands shot out and scooped up the…whatever it was, crooning sweetly and adoringly at it as it tossed back it's head and flapped it's translucent wings merrily back.

"Well down. Ten points to Gryffindor, Miss Evans. " Both student spun round to meet their professor's for once, almost amused bespectacled gaze.

"Does it have a name? " McGonagall inquired and Lily and James looked at each other blankly.

"Euhh… well…" Lily opened and closed her mouth feebly but James cut smoothly across her mumblings and replied with the air of pronouncing the grass was green and the sky was blue.

"It's a Mc-fly. "

Lily's eyes turned round as saucers. The redhead swallowed but just about refrained from asking the suddenly dangerously thin-lipped Professor to wait a moment while she murdered the numbskull beside her. Instead she resigned herself to a long, tedious night recapitulating the inadvisability of provoking Transfiguration Teachers with smart-ass comments.

That same teacher's eyes looked as though they were about to murder the Head Students on the spot but even as Lily was mentally writing her last will and Testament, the impossible occurred. Before McGonagall could even comment, James disarmed her with the professional aplomb only Hogwarts' resident Charmer-in-Chief could posses.

"In honour of the only teacher I would bring an apple into school for. "

The smile was heart-stopping. Lily could only gape dizzily and even Professor McGonagall herself blinked as his wand moved in matchless perfection, and drew out of the air itself exactly that:

An apple, striped in brilliant crimson and gleaming Gryffindor gold.

Lily stared, torn between shock, reluctant admiration and finally wrath as the strictest Professor in the school actually allowed her thin lips to smile. It was ridiculous. Unheard of even, but the Chief of the Marauders grinned handsomely back with not the smallest sign of surprise. If anything if could have almost been expecting it, as if it was a daily occurrence to charm the pants of the only woman who made MJ look like a care-bear.

McGonagall gave a small snort, as if to show she hadn't been completely fooled by the smile and the most clear-cut example of suck-up-ery Lily had ever yet had the misfortune to see. But none the less she flicked her wand sharply to the right and the beautiful Gryffindor apple zoomed across the classroom to land smoothly on the perfectly neat desk. The teacher eyed the pair one last time and marched away with a roll of her beady black eyes.

Lily turned back to the boy beside her with a scowl, clenching her fists in temper the obnoxious prat simply threw her his most innocent, engaging grin.

It was perhaps fortunate that at that precise moment Professor McGonagall, who had just reached the dais to stand in front of her desks, clapped her hands imperiously for silence and indicated that they were allowed to pack away their things. The few misshapen creatures that had been successfully conjured, as well as Lily's Mc-Fly, were vanished with a wave of her wand. All but one, Lily noted with strong disapproval and James' apple gleamed gorgeously back at her from the treacherous teacher's desk.

The bell rang a moment later, followed by the groans of the many who were resigning themselves to the essay due for the next lesson that would probably take most of them at least three hours to complete. Lily couldn't help it; her previous anger disappeared out the door along with Jenifer Backbone's moan and bug-eyed expression of devastation.

She spun round in a flash of copper to face the boy lounging against the wall behind her with that stupid self-satisfied smirk gracing his lips. Any other day, the arrogance in his grin would have had her glaring in irritation, however as the same conceited prick had just spared her three hours of extra homework, Lily decided that certain allowances could possibly be made.

James watched the debate going through her mind as through her face was transparent. Then finally the light turned on, the decision made and just like that, the redhead danced forward to traipse merrily in front of him, singing triumphantly

"I did it, I did it, I did it.. "

One black brow lifted in faint inquiry, the smile sudden dangerously soft and sweet.

"I'm sorry, WHO….did it? "

Lily turned, titan hair flying out behind her as she stopped mid-prance to smile limpidly up at him, wide green emeralds sparkling with a baby's innocence. Dark red lashes blinked, hazel eyes narrowed and she finally said blithely

"Me. " before grabbing her bag and sprinting to the door as fast as her legs could carry her.

James gaped for an entire ten seconds before sense returned and his brain registered the challenge he'd been thrown. When it did, two golden fires ignited. The black satchel was thrown over his broad shoulder, McGonagall's half-hearted glare of disapproval was completely ignored as he raced through the open doorway and out into the corridor.

Her scent was still heavy in the air, but even if it hadn't been, James knew where she would be headed; to the safety of the next lesson, Arithmacy, the only subject they didn't have in common. She would be running as fast as possible, sprinting at breath-necked speed to reach the sanctuary of Professor Vector and her stand against physical contact of any kind on school property. If she got through that heavy oak door, not even the Chief of the Marauders could lay a hand on her. Not unless he wanted to be castrated in front of all the future Magical-Mathematicians in the school.

Which of course meant only one thing. Catching her before she got there.

James delved into his pocket, pulled out the heavy lump of parchment and unfolded it, allowing the most well-known smirk in the whole of Hogwarts to spread wickedly over his handsome face.

* * *

Who knew the two flights of stairs up to the Arithmacy corridor could be so long?

Lily's chest was heaving, her breath coming in gasps, her legs aching so bad any minutes they were about to fall right off. But still she ran as though the hounds of Hell were on her heels. The redhead almost choked as the bubble of laughter coming up her throat fought with the air being dragged desperately down it. Even parted and panting, her lips still curved upwards in that same mischievous glee, her eyes sparkling like gemstones as she raced up the steps, almost slipping, grabbing the banister for balance and hauling herself back without breaking pace.

Finally the archway loomed up ahead and if she had been able Lily would have crowed in triumph. Almost there! Only one more corridor before she would launch herself through the Classroom door with a huge smug grin and a shout of "Sanctuary! " His beautiful face filled her mind's eye, murderous and fuming but only laughingly so. And a second later that typical smirk would escape, promising a thousand punishments later that night during the hour and a half of dark corridors and nowhere to run. Lily couldn't help but gasp in another peal of excitement because after all, her eyes gleamed wickedly, that would be the best bit.

Suddenly the slapping of her feet on the stone slabs wasn't the only sound and Lily bit her lip to repress the squeal as the unmistakable chatter meant that the door to freedom was only just around this next corner. Ten meters… Five… Three…

"So close. "

And with that stupid mocking sigh, Lily found herself with her back against the wall, pouting up into the unfairly gorgeous face of James Henry Potter.

His arms trapped her from both sides, gold hands pressing against the stones even as he pressed his stupid muscled chest up against her suddenly jellified body. Lily glared up at him, willing her mind to stay firmly on track and ignore the small insignificant detail that her hormones were suddenly throwing a bloody fiesta. And she was doing well, she thought grumpily, until the stupid prat leaned in and breathed, hot and tingling in her ear.

"And yet…so far. "

It was ridiculous Lily swallowed, no eyes should have the ability to smoulder like that! To make her knees go weak, to give her goose-bumps and make her dizzy, simply by looking at her. James inched closer, his smirk widening as her heartbeat pounded like a drum in his ears, the heavy musk of desire seeping out of her every pore. He pressed his advantage; literally.

Lily's lips parted in silent shock as the evil cheat shifted ever so slightly so that his, gulp…groin, eased gently against her lower body. A lump seemed to catch in her throat, her eyes wide with horror as he gleamed wickedly down at her…and did it again.

The friction was harder; HE was harder and she was finding it steadily harder to breath, a fact that he was blatantly enjoying. Lily concentrated desperately on inhaling and exhaling, in and out, in and out and on anything that could distract her from the way his handsome head was slowly bending closer, his thick black locks brushing her cheek, his scalding whisper a caress.

"So. Lets go through this again. " he murmured wickedly, "WHO….did it? "

His lips was curved and soft, tantalising her ear cruelly but Lily set her teeth and forced out defiantly

"Me. "

The smile was smug if a little dazed, but the silent boast was strong and invigorating. Hah! Try again James Potter!

In that split second, a memory flashed in Lily's mind of a night roughly a year ago when she had thought the same crow of victory. Lily eye's barely had time to widen in dismay before, on queue, all over again, James did exactly that.

In that next instant, several things all happened at once.

James smirked his most devilishly bewitching smile and slid his hands deftly first under her robes and then her white shirt, until they danced hot and teasing across the small of her back.

Lily almost swooned

Amanda Spinnet floated gracefully round the corner and stopped dead.

* * *

"NO! "

The shrill cry of complete and utter horror echoed down the corridor, bringing the pair's head round in a flash. An instant later Lily had slipped out of his grip and put as much space as possible between herself and a tall, vaguely disappointed looking James. His handsome face was creased into a pout of hurt, but she ignored him pointedly, all her strength and concentration occupied in keeping her emerald gaze steadily on the intruder and fighting down the huge scarlet blush that was spreading guiltily over her pale cheeks.

Amanda's blue eyes were huge, her pink lips frozen in gaping shock as she simply stared at the two Head Students, unable to even speak. Silence reigned for an entire minute before suddenly James folded his arms with a roll of his eyes and said with a hint of impatience,

"May we help you, Spinnet? "

Lily's helpless gaze flashed to him in a sudden glare as the blond swallowed and tried desperately to control her obvious humiliation. James didn't acknowledge the look of disapproval, instead he lounged back against the stone wall, arms still folded and one black brow slightly arched. His cold disinterest made Lily almost cringe and she stepped embarrassedly into the awkward silence saying pretty much the same thing but with a little more tact.

"What can we do for you Amanda? Or did you want to speak to James alone. "

The last sentence broke the object of this inquiry out of his bored scrutiny of the stone floor, to glare at the red-head's averted profile. Again Lily ignored him, her heart going out to the slim blond despite the minor detail that she also hated her guts. Amanda was obviously hopelessly infatuated with James and after the ten second snogging session only two nights before and the ensuing cold-shoulder, it was understandable that the poor girl was feeling slightly, well completely lost.

To Lily it seemed obvious that James owed his their fellow Chaser at least an explanation, but the glint in those hazel eyes with the accompanying curl of his perfect lips, indicated that her opinion was not shared. The Head Boy threw her a long look of one goaded past endurance, but nevertheless he lounged forward with graceful nonchalance, hand raking through his hair as he sighed

"Go ahead babe, I'm listening. "

The use of her Quidditch pet name seemed to ease the poor girl's nerves; the flush of pink her cheeks faded, her posture returned to it's typical relaxed grace and poise and even small smile pulled up the corners of her mouth. Her long elegant fingers reached up to fiddle with a flaxen strand of hair, as she finally steeled her courage and asked with tolerable composure

"I guess I just wondered if you'd thought about what I asked you yesterday, " her baby-blue eyes flickered briefly to Lily, "I missed our meeting at breakfast this morning and just wanted to check that…well, that you knew I was still…interested. "

A hint of the earlier blush returned but Amanda managed to keep her chin lifted and her gaze on his, hope, nerves and the expectation of disappointment all battling in her expression. Again her eyes shot to Lily, who stood still as a statue as the implication behind the ambiguous words slowly began to register.

James on the other hand was already there, cursing inwardly the consequences of his own pathetic attempt at putting the girl off the morning before. He'd forgotten the vague excuse for a promise he'd made almost as soon as the words were out of his mouth; fool he was to not have realised that she would take them much more seriously. His brown fingers scrunched his black mop of hair, this time in silent panic; what to say? He couldn't afford to break the heart of a team-mate, even less create a three-way love triangle within his team of Chasers. But neither was he NOT going to ask Lily to Hogsmede.

His mind made up, James closed his eyes and opened his mouth to hopefully prove his newfound theory that honesty was always the best policy. But before he could even string together a passably charming smile of regret to soften the blow, Amanda was already speaking once more.

"Unless you're already going with…someone. " the fierce look of suspicion was aimed openly this time and James almost sighed in relief as a light appeared at the end of the tunnel. Thank Merlin for those few females that caught on quickly! Mentally kissing Amanda for her remarkable powers of observation, James pulled out his most poignant, heart-breaking expression of regret and opened his mouth once more…

"He's not. "

Two heads, one gold, the other midnight black, spun round in unison and Lily turned bright red to match her hair. The next words seemed to almost fall out of her mouth in a stammer, cringing under the suddenly fixed look both the boy and the girl were suddenly giving her.

"Going with anyone, I mean…at least that I know of…yet… "

Amanda's expression relaxed immediately into a pretty sigh of relief but Lily didn't even hear it. She was staring up into James' face, beautiful as ever but suddenly so blank as to question his sanity. For a long excruciating moment, his eyes stared into nothing, their golden lights for once all put out, and already Lily could feel the silent scream crawling up her throat. She'd hurt him, anyone could see that, the immediate, almost panic-stricken denial winding him like a punch in the gut. Even as he seemed to blink and come out of his daze, she could tell he'd retreated behind his mask of ice, his gaze cold and impassion less, his tone so nonchalant it teetered on boredom. Lily watched his lips pull smoothly upwards, his voice smooth as velvet as he finally said

"There you have it….I am not yet bespoken for. "

Amanda hesitated, hoping he would say more, would carry the thought through to the end she desired, but he simply fell silent. She swallowed, fighting down the embarrassment, silently wishing he could make this just a little easier for her.

"So…coming back to the original question, have you thought about…my proposal? "

The boy's eyes seemed to stare straight through her, empty of all emotion or expression, his handsome face giving no clue as to the thoughts buzzing behind those hazel orbs. The silence hung in the air until it became uncomfortable, but not one of the three made an effort to break it. Amanda's hands trembled slightly in her pockets as she waited excruciatingly for his answer. Lily's fingers were white-knuckled fists in that very same mixture of fear and need for it to end. Two girl's silently praying to be put out of their misery, each hoping devoutly for it to be the word they wanted.

"Yes. "

Lily's eyes screwed tightly shut, the lump in her throat suddenly making it almost impossible to breathe. The hurt hit her like a tidal wave; the self-loathing almost as quickly. If only she'd kept her stupid mouth shut. How much more of a hypocrite could she be?

"…I have thought about it Amanda, but I must regretfully refuse the offer. " Amanda's face fell as he stared deeply into her blue eyes and let loose an adorable half-smile of embarrassment.

"I'm still hoping to work up the courage to ask this one girl to accompany me, and however warped this seems coming from me, I really like her. " he finished with a small shrug, his gaze still molten and apologetic.

Lily didn't dare lift her head. She stared at the floor, not even allowing herself to dream that the words she could have sworn she'd just heard could be true; if she actually dared believe them to be real, they might just vanish into the air. So she didn't see Amanda's nod and a weak attempt at a smile, nor did she hear James' gentle

"I'm sorry, babe. "

The unexpectedly real regret and stab of guilt was pushed aside; it wouldn't make things better. Instead he caught his team-mates eye deliberately, finally drawing from her a return grin as he said with affectionate mockery

"Maybe not about the kiss though. That definitely almost swayed me for a moment. "

Now THAT Lily did hear. Her emerald gaze snapped up to scowl at the handsome Head Boy and the blond girl who couldn't hemp but laugh . His eyes were dancing with merry mischief, the smirk curling his lips with just the faintest hint of suggestion. The glare turned fierce as Amanda tilted her head to the side with a sigh, before asking with obviously reluctant curiosity

"Who is _she_? "

Maybe Lily imagined it, but she could have sworn the blonde glanced swiftly at her at of the corner of her eye. If James hesitated it was barely for an instant. Then his golden irises began to dance once more with wicked amusement as he replied, solemn as the grave.

"The cat's mother. "

Amanda stared at him as though he'd turned into a flesh-eating slug. Lily, muggle-born as she was, couldn't quite repress the snort of laughter.

* * *

The Swan finally danced away, leaving the pair standing opposite each other in heavily loaded silence. Lily could feel the sweat building on her forehead. Her fingers clenched and unclenched the sleeve of her robes, trying desperately to find something to say that would ease the huge ball of tension between them and lighten the leaden atmosphere. James didn't move a muscle, his face averted to stare out the nearby window, all his attention apparently fixed on the sparkling blue curve of the Lake.

The seconds ticked mercilessly by, when suddenly the sound of a door being slammed shut only ten feet away round the next corner made both of them start. James lifted his muscled forearm, his brow creasing into a frown as the watch glinted apologetically back. For the first time since she said the words that still rang in both of the pair's ears, James met the redhead's agonised gaze, his own carefully neutral as he indicated reluctantly towards where the noise had come from.

"You'd better get going or Vector will have a fit. "

Again deliberately neutral, not belligerent or angry or even cold. Just…neutral. Lily stared up at him helplessly, searching for the words that would make everything right again but at the same time wanting them to be truthful. She couldn't just throw her arms around his neck and say she'd be the happiest girl in the world if he took her to Hogsmede on Saturday. She wanted to, longed to, yearned to even, but… Still she held back. Because he still hadn't even asked her yet, and the pair of them going to Hogsmede together would be like announcing a Third World War. Even if they weren't officially dating, it would hardly matter. It would be the fact that the two worst enemies in the school were suddenly back on friendly, maybe even intimate terms that would throw the whole of Hogwarts into complete and utter chaos. After that, there would be no going back.

And she wasn't sure if she was ready.

So she said nothing, begging and praying silently for him to understand why, staring at him with eyes so huge and green the emeralds in Salazar Slytherin's sword would have burned with envy.

He met her look for look before finally rumpling his hair and sighing.

"Seriously Lil's, if you're late there'll be a detention to replace the extra homework I just saved you from. " she didn't move, didn't change that expression of helplessness. James drew a deep breath and with a colossal effort, pulled his lips up into his trademark smirk.

"It's fine. Just let me tend my wounded ego for a bit and we're good. "

For a moment Lily didn't quite dare to believe it, until the warm, familiar grin made her face light up with relief and gratitude. Just that sight alone meant that he'd done the right thing, James thought, however difficult it had been to pull out that smile. She took a step forward, the urge to fall into his arms almost overpowering but the sound of the second and last bell ringing made her halt half-way.

Her copper head turned instinctively towards the end of the corridor, before staring up at him as though torn in two. The look on her face brought a quiver to his lips, the smile reaching his eyes finally and his brown fingers reached out to lightly brush her cheek.

The moment held, briefly but beautifully as she leaned into the gold silk, lashes fluttering closed at his touch. His expression turned almost fierce, some strange, uncontrollable mix of love and lust and hurt and resignation, still lost in disbelief that he could have this much and yet burning so painfully for more.

The way she'd almost blurted out the vehement denial of anything between them, it had hit him like a stunner, stung like a whip-lash, leaving him momentarily reeling from the blow. Anger had followed mere moments later, racing after the hurt and shoving it aside in roaring contempt. But before his temper could ruin his chances and his life completely, sweet, blissful guilt had stepped in to close his stupid, unthinking mouth. The cool, icy words of acceptance were grabbed and wrestled back before they could force their way out, the memory of the pain that had filled those emerald eyes only two nights ago, it had slapped him back into sanity before he could tell Amanda "yes " .

James pulled his fingers away with another sigh and her lids flickered and opened with a hint of lingering worry. So he told her the truth, however alien it seemed to one who'd spent most of his life dodging culpability like bullets.

"I meant what I said Lils. And I won't let you take me back until I, as well as you, feel I've completely earned it. "

Honesty glowed gold, alight and intense enough to steal Lily's breath away. His chiselled jaw set in stone, black unruly locks twisting rebelliously over his equally black brows, lowered into an expression so serious, so powerful and passionate he seemed almost frightening. Frightening and so ridiculously beautiful that Lily had to look away.

Her throat seemed empty, no words came to chase away the tension, she could only nod. Still he seemed satisfied. The fierceness faded from his face, leaving only the familiar warmth and affection. But when he stepped closer, the last whispered words that crept into her ear rang with that same commanding promise.

"However long it takes for me to deserve you. "

His lips brushed her temple, but Lily kept her eyes on the floor, so he wouldn't see the tiniest hint of moisture the sincerity in his words had torn from her soul. She felt them turn upwards into a smile and finally pull away, his rich, velvet voice casual and faintly mocking once more as he said over her lowered head

"Have Lunch with the girls. I'll see you in Defence, ok? "

Another nod, another sweet touch at her cheek and she heard him stroll nonchalantly away, only pausing at the very end of the corridor, to call back with a wicked ripple of laughter.

"And watch out for the groupies… "

* * *

Butterscotch and chocolate. Sweet and sticky and delicious, floating to his lupine nostrils and triggering a spark of memory in his still half-asleep brain. It was a good something, wonderful even. Something he wanted, longed for, maybe even missed. Remus fought back the heavy drag of the sleeping pills and tried to force his mind to focus. It wasn't strong, only a small lingering flavour on the air and he drew in a deep breath in an attempt to keep it a little longer. Before it faded away completely.

Butterscotch and chocolate, butterscotch and chocolate… Where did he know it from? Frustration creased the werewolf's brow without opening his amber eyes but the monster was as tired and worn out as he was and didn't stir. The image of a dark room flashed through his mind. Sweat and fire whiskey and mad release. Then pain. Crushing, agonising pain.

Remus cringed away from the lingering hurt without even remembering the reason why. His mind was so foggy, so dull. It didn't seem to want to do what he told it to, begging for sleep, promising to ponder the mystery later, even as he scent faded into nothing. The werewolf gave up, his tired brain shut down, and he drifted off into sweet oblivion with one last memory of a thought.

Present shopping was a right pain. Please let her like Butterscotch and chocolate.

* * *

"Come on Lils, don't do this. "

"Get lost Potter!"

The two Ravenclaw fifth year's turned, recognising the male voice instantly, their expressions morphing into matching smiles of deepest delight. Before being almost burned to a cinder by a green eyed glare that looked ready to kill the closest living thing that crossed her path.

The two blondes stepped hastily out of harm's way, backing up against the corridor wall, as far away as possible from the seething red-haired fireball that blazed past them, the surrounding aura of darkness enough to melt the layer of foundation and power that covered their terrified faces. The green-eyed goddess marched on, and the girls breathed visible sighs of relief when suddenly another figure followed the first, one famous throughout the school.

"Lileeeeeee… "

His tall muscled frame jogged past their frozen expression of shock, his pleading whine echoing off the stone walls as Amy and Cassandra turned to gape after him. They watched speechless, until the pair turned the corner and were out of sight. Before looking at each other and racing off to spread the ridiculous, ludicrous, impossible, most succulating piece of gossip.

Lily ignored the prat's pathetic whimperings, steam almost coming out of her ears as she fumed silently. Bastard! Stupid, treacherous, cheating son of a bitch! (Sorry MJ.) Outrageous, vile piece of…

"Lily, please, I'm sorry! Really! " The tiniest hint of laughter shaking in his voice made her see red. He thought this was funny! Some damn JOKE!

"Go to HELL Potter! "

"It's not very nice there and you would miss me, you know you would. " He was almost at her side now, bright, stupidly perfect teeth flashing in a smirk from the corner of her eye. Lily ground her teeth and upped her speed, walking as fast as her legs could carry her without breaking into a run.

"Come on Lils, it's not like I wanted to do it; it's just…habit. "

His gold fingers were brushing her shirt, trying sneakily to slip round her waist and coerce her into forgiveness. HAH!

"Take your smarmy hands off me! "

She could almost hear the puppy-dog eyes he was giving her, his annoyingly pretty lips pouting in an expression of hopeless contrition that would be so adorable she would have to snog him on the spot. Lily fixed her sparking eyes on the air in front of her and growled slightly under her breath. No way in hell was he going to get out of this that easily.

"Pleeeease… Pretty please with a HUGE cherry on top! And sprinkles! CHOCOLATE sprinkles! "

ARGHHHHHH! Must not punch! Must not punch! Just one little jaw-breaking fist to smash that pretty nose…NO! Must not give in but must not punch! Ahhhh…

Lily almost wept with relief as the portrait that guarded the Head Dormitories came blissfully into view. Inwardly Lily's brain and self-control danced a little jig. She was almost there! Just a few meters more and she could lock herself into her room where that terrible, heart-fluttering smile couldn't get to her.

The password was barked out sharply enough to startle the poor long-suffering little man with his mirror, as the portrait swung hurriedly forward and the furious red-head marched through the opening without breaking stride. Ah HAH! The door; her saviour; her friend; come, come to me my love!

"Lily, please,….it wasn't MY fault… "

"WHAT? "

So much for the door.

Lily turned round, copper hair crackling like medusa on a bad day, fists clenched, green eyes huge and ready to kill! James swallowed, the grin of triumph vanishing immediately as he tried to placate the raging tower of fury that also happened to be the love of his life. The smile was almost hopeful, certainly adorably and irresistibly charming, he stared into his love's eyes, trying desperately to make them glow molten gold in that way that made every girl in the school simply melt before him. That look of pure and utter heart-break never failed, never let him down, never once in his seventeen years had it not succeeded in it's goal of getting him out of trouble.

There's a first for everything.

"WASN'T…YOUR… FAULT? "

James began to panic, a nervous laugh on his lips as he fought to keep the smile and the glow in place. Maybe it just needed time to work when the girl was this…homicidal.

« Explain to me how your crass, smarmy, obvious FLIRTING wasn't your fault! "

Or maybe not.

* * *

_Flashback_

_"So James, any plans for later? " _

_The question hung seductively in the air and James lips curved in that old arrogant smirk, the gleam in his eyes anything but innocent as they eyed the buxom, blue-eyed brunette that was currently draping her admittedly appealing body over his desk. Some Ravenclaw he recalled vaguely, a friend of Spinnets? Anyway, whoever she was, she certainly seemed to know him. Odd. Usually he remembered breasts like those. _

_The teacher had only just arrived, class wasn't starting for another ten minutes and he and his friend were two of only five people that had for some reason arrived early from lunch. James' own reason was simple; the impatience to have her near him again was making him restless and fidgety. And playing a few little mind games always helped settle his nerves._

_He leaned forward, dark sensuous gaze never leaving hers and his smirk widened as his extra hearing picked up the stutter in the girls racing heartbeat. Her really quite impressive chest swelled up and out of the girl's shirt until they threatened to burst the buttons right off it and her smile was so wide and inviting she looked like a joker. Pffff this was almost too easy…_

_"I do. Tell me yours and they might change. " he growled just under his breath. _

_Again the girl's heart stopped momentarily before speeding even faster. James managed to repress a laugh. Now this really WAS too easy. Still, the sound racked up the adrenalin and the exhilaration. He'd forgotten how much he loved this. Winding them up like a corkscrew until they broke down beneath him. Testosterone was pumping in his blood; the challenge, the thrill of pursuit and then the capture, it felt so damned good, his tongue slipped out unconsciously to wet his lips, the taste of victory already filling his mouth. He leaned just a little bit closer…and then…_

_BANG!_

_Then book slammed onto the desk like bomb, causing his foot to slip and his chair to almost fall backwards in shock and sudden excruciating guilt. And fear._

_A lot of fear._

_End of Flashback_

* * *

"You see? She was clearly coming onto me until your wonderful, stunning self arrived just in time to save me from her inescapable and highly inappropriate attack. "

Hazel eyes danced in a way that, yes she did admit was highly distracting and not unappealing. Lily's face however stubbornly unmoved, her eyes shards of emerald glass before the beseeching smile that quirked up the corners of his stupid lips. He grinned at her, impudent and irresistible, adding

"And your put-down was one of the best-est, beautiful-est moments in my life. "

* * *

_Flashback_

_BANG!_

_Then book slammed onto the desk like bomb, causing his foot to slip and his chair to almost fall backwards in shock and sudden excruciating guilt. And fear._

_Lots of fear._

_The girl he'd been turning into a puddle on the floor threw the intruder a hateful glare and opened her pouting, painted lips as if to speak but Lily's sweet sarcasm abruptly wiped the look from her face._

_"Unfortunately Selena, LATER, he's working on our project for Defence Against the Dark Arts. My partner; your loss. Goodbye. "_

_Selena Carlisle's pretty face turned scarlet but she rose stiffly to her feet and, with one last lustful glance towards James, stalked away._

_End of Flashback_

* * *

She was still glaring, green eyes practically spitting sparks at him across the meter gap in a way that probably meant it would be best if he waited before trying to shorten it. It was becoming ever more increasingly difficult however, James could help but swallow; she always looked so damn HOT when she was furious.

Lily saw the way his eyes suddenly fazed out slightly, the sudden fiery heat in his gaze and her fingers, and her own emeralds widened in sudden fear.

No! He couldn't do that! It was low, despicable! It was CHEATING! Focus Lily! On what he did, you idiot, not what he bloody looks like! On his infuriating, smart-aleck, big mouth!

* * *

_Flashback_

_Lily dropped gracefully into her seat with a toss of her crimson bangs, pointedly refusing to look at the boy beside her who was trying hopefully to make eye contact. The silence stretched, longer and longer until finally James could stand it no longer. Keeping his privates well out of range, he asked with forced casualness_

_"Will you castrate me if I apologise? "_

_Lily's lip curled._

_"Yes. "_

_Another silence, as James reached up to rumple his hair nervously. Then_

_"Will you castrate me if I beg your forgiveness? "_

_Two white fists clenched and the girl eyes gleamed brightly._

_"Yes. "_

_Another long silence, the air fairly crackling with suppressed tension._

_"How do you feel about adoption…? "_

_"ARGHHH! _

_James sharply inhaled as the three-inch-thick hardback textbook made contact with his head with a force great enough to almost crack open his skull. The school idol blinked, pausing to admire the stars and pretty lights before letting out the silent wheeze of pain slowly._

_"Ok, I probably deserved that… "_

_End of Flashback_

* * *

"You DEFINITELY deserved that! "

Lily glared at him fiercely, before remembering that time had passed and they were no longer in the DADA Classroom. His eyes lit up in golden, wicked laughter as her face flushed a little with embarrassment but he very wisely forbore to tease. Instead he held her gaze, glinting down at her through preposterously long lashes until her vision turned dizzy. That velvet voice rippled with laughter despite his best efforts to keep it serious and penitent.

"I definitely did. " he nodded solemnly, only the barest twitch at the corner of his mouth.

James inched a little closer, sensing his advantage as her heartbeat quickened and stuttered, inwardly sighing with relief as he regained familiar ground. She still fought valiantly though, her scowl fierce and determined even when his lips were smirking inches from her own, no sign of the desire that was teasing his nostrils showing on her face. He stepped closer still, his smooth, hard muscle warm and dangerously tempting as it pressed slowly against her softness.

Her eyes were hazy, her lips parted in breathless anticipation, cheeks flushed sunset pink and just looking at her made James burn with need. His fingers crept up her side, round her back and across the smooth plane of her shoulder blade to rest, ever so lightly on her neck. Hers lifted too, white against first brown and then soft pink as they brushed over his full lips in longing. Under her touch they parted and pulled upwards, widening into the most famous smirk in the school.

Lily breathed out, soft and husky.

"Yes, you did. " James leaned in, eyes closing in triumph.

"You also deserved this…_Collium! _"

And she was gone. The door slammed shut, her bright mischievous peal of laughter floating loud and clear as a bell through the heavy oak. James stood there for a minute, eyes still shut, his lips still curved in a rueful grin, still tingling either from her touch or from the spark of magic she'd allowed to flow out from her fingertips and seal them shut. Opening his mouth was impossible so he could only chuckle inwardly, shaking his shaggy head in amusement and acknowledgment at the little minx's victory.

A silent sigh through his straight nose, a thorough rumple of his hair and James turned with resignation towards the door. Padfoot and Moony were going to have a field day with this.

As if she'd read his mind, Lily's high cheery chime called sweetly out from the Head Girl's Dormitory and James rolled his eyes, with another exasperated stuck-lipped smirk.

"Give Madame Doucanne my love! "

Stupid sticking charms.

* * *

Ahhhhhh….Long live House-Elves_. _Jamie closed his eyes in wide, cocky satisfaction as he eased his tired muscles into the cool inviting sheets. The Gryffindor Keeper stretched out, the cotton soft and smooth against his skin as he put his hands behind his head and allowed himself to enjoy the perfection of the four-poster bed he was currently ensconced upon.

The rich, velvet hangings moved lazily in the faint breeze that drifted in through the open window, refreshing and invigorating across his handsome face. The nightly routine of one hundred press-ups, two hundred crunches and of course the half an hour jog wasn't exactly fun but it did it's job; keeping his body trim and rather hot, if he did say so himself, for his numerous lady-friends.

The thought brought another, more wicked smirk to his lips as he lay back and recalled the pleasurable escapade earlier that morning, and the even better one on the way to dinner. Broom-closets really were handy things. Jamie was satisfied and "full ", as one might say, although empty might be a slightly more accurate description. And the treacle tart afterwards had been the icing on the cake. Now all his body was calling out for was sleep, the teenage boy's only other two needs attended to rather nicely.

Jamie grinned and snuggled back into the covers, reminding himself that denying one's body it's basic essentials simply wasn't good for the health.

* * *

It was some hours later that he was awakened by the unmistakable sound of the dormitory door softly being shut. Jamie grunted in annoyance and tried to go back to sleep, silently cursing whichever side of his family that had given him light-sleeper genes. It was probably only Tony or Karl sneaking out for some assignation. Or goggle-eyed Giles finally returning from his beloved Library. Either way, whoever they were, they were damned lucky he was too tired to pick up his wand.

It was at then that the sudden rustle of hangings being drawn back made his brown eyes jump start open in alarm, as a shadowy figure crept carefully through them and slid onto the bed. Jamie's wand was ready in his hand, exhaustion forgotten as he suddenly lunged forward and grabbed the intruder by the arm, recognising that riot of curls and those tiny silk pyjamas even as he did so.

"Jen! What are you…? "

He broke off in surprise as she moved closer without even a pause, small hands reaching unerringly up to undo his shirt with the sureness of long practice. For a moment Jamie was too confused to react, as her fingers deftly undid the buttons, her silky curls teasing his skin as she drew closer still and began to kiss the smooth dip of his collarbone. Then, reality return in a flash and he pulled away, reaching up to push against her perfectly toned stomach through the thin top and put some distance between them.

"Woah…what the…? "

Her eyes were huge, black and almost wild in the darkness before suddenly her mouth was on his, her lips so outrageously soft and sweet that his eyes instinctively closed. He kissed her back and she seemed to sigh with desperate relief, fisting her fingers in his hair and pulling him up towards her. Her lips became more frantic, each kiss deeper than the last until suddenly the rough, hot pleasure of her tongue caressing his, made him suddenly snap out it and practically yank her face away.

He frowned at her in confusion, scanning her face for some explanation for this sudden, unexpected rendezvous. If she'd wanted to meet up, surely she would have warned him early enough to give him time to cancel all other appointments that day. Merlin, she of all people knew that no came close to her in bed; the mere thought of touching her later was usually enough to put him off any other female all day. They both considered the hot, amazing nights in each others arms as gourmet nowadays, too perfect to lower to the level of mundane by enjoying them on a daily basis. Maybe once a week did the School's two biggest flirts meet up to well and truly quench their desire, typically on a Saturday night when they could make the most of it, often into the small hours of Sunday morning.

This Saturday however had been the Quidditch Victory Party and both Jenny and himself had been accosted and drooled over by simply too many admirers to allow the opportunity to go to waste. It was common occurrence; Jamie was medium-height but muscled to perfection and Jenny was well…Jenny. And with all the guys begging to be at her beck and call, he'd been surprised as it was that she'd even found time to pull him aside for a quick, fevered snog. Not that he was complaining.

Thinking of the party reminded him that the look she'd worn then was a lesser, weaker version that burning stare her impossibly wide eyes were giving him now. Worry creased his brow, the blank, almost desperate expression on her face wasn't normal. The Dreamer glint of mischief was nowhere to be seen, instead those hazel eyes stared into his almost ravenously, sunkern and empty in the shadows, yet somehow lost and pleading at the same time. Loneliness was there too, as well as need and resolution and even fear…his head swam; there were too many emotions to count. All he could do was lift his fingers to her cheek and try and make sense of her expression helplessly.

Then she spoke, soft and small and begging in the darkness

"Touch me. Please. "

Jamie pushed a lock of brown hair away from his face distractedly, knowing that there was something wrong in this, that he would be somehow taking advantage, but…the boy swallowed as her hands delved inside his shirt once more, her muscular legs crawling forwards with catlike grace…Merlin it was getting hard to think straight. The words chivalry and gentlemen and self-control floated around in his brain but even as he fought to string them together in a comprehensible sentence, she was already there, too close, too good. She knew him and his body better than he did himself, her fingers pressing and caressing, her curls tickling his chest as she murmured desperately into his neck again and again

"Please, please, please… "

It was too much. With a final groan of frustration, Jamie suddenly gabbed her, one hand on the back of her neck, the other seizing the smooth cream buttocks almost possessively, and crushed her mouth to his. In a swift, uncompromising movement he rolled until he was on top of her, huge bulk pressing her curvaceous frame into the sheets without removing his lips from hers. Somewhere in his brain, he registered the broken cry of relief that escaped from her throat to his, just as he registered the tiniest whimper as he gripped her wrists to pull them up and above her head.

But before he could even contemplate that fact, her legs were wrapping around his waist like vines, her back arching in pleasure, pressing her breasts to his chest, her hands sliding distractingly lower…

She was intoxicating. He was incredible.

They made love until the sky turned pink, the grounds gleamed gold and the sun rose.

* * *

**Hee hee heee! XD XD XD Well to all those who skipped ahead in hope of James and Lily goodness, all I can say is « I told you so » ! **

**I really hope you guys liked this one, as it's pretty different for the most part than my usual angst, tears, hatred ect… I promised you lighter, hopefully funnier and this is my first attempt. So do feel free to tell me to never ever become a comedian. ^^ **

**I'm sure you know the drill by now; If you liked it tell me, tell me, tell me! And if you didn't tell me anyway! Hate-mail me and I promise I'll make a note of taking every point into consideration. =)**

**Oh and extra scenes if any of you have any requests, I am taking them happily though BeRin-haribo, I owe you two already lol, ;) I promise I haven't forgotten.**

**Read and Review!**

**Luv u loads =)**

**Lili**

**X x x x x x x x x x**


	24. Chapter 24

**Dear Readers, Welcome to All Over Again Chapter 24! =) Wow, I still can't get over the feeling of pride and excitement every time I announce a new chapter lol, silly isn't it. Anyway, you've all been waiting patiently for it and as always I hope this one doesn't disappoint. =)**

**Which brings me to a quick side-note, that you should feel free to skip for now lol and come back to it at the end. It's only really an excuse of sorts and not interesting to everyone but I feel, it needs to be said. But come back once you read the chapter lol. ;)**

**Basically as you may or may not know I updated my other story "Tears of Gold" a couple of days ago, and something one reviewer said made me pause because it seemed like a very fair point and made me a) Feel guilty, and b) Want to explain myself. It's a view some people I'm sure will echo; they wished that I would concentrate on AOA instead of spending time writing the other stories at the moment as, lets face it, I make you guys wait long enough between chapters that it amazing you all stick with me as it is ;) You could say it hit a nerve, mainly because it IS true. It isn't right really when so many people are waiting for updates and all I can call it, I suppose, is selfishness and maybe a little bit of necessity. **

**How to explain. Hopefully, some of you being writers of multiple stories themselves will understand what I mean when I say; In my head, I've about three maybe four pairings all screaming to be written, four different threads of ideas and plots. The ones I ought to listen are obviously James and Lily, but sometimes the others are screaming so loud that to actually HEAR J&L, you have to first silence the others. Does that make sense? =S Or do I sound merely psychotic? Anyway, in a nutshell, the « Tears of Gold » Chapter was just such a scene, where it was so clear and so consuming with all the details, that simply to be able to concentrate on something else, I had to put it onto pen and paper. And once it's written I suppose, it seems silly not to put it up. **

**I still am not really sure if this counts as ample explanation or even if it's coherent, but it's the best I can do at the moment. =( And I make my apologies. **

**I also want to say thank you for all the ideas that people left in reviews for scenes and one of them is actually in this chapter, one from **_**Nutmeg44**_** =) So BIG thank you to her for a brilliant, inspiring idea. Next chapter will hopefully include another one, this time from **_**missnothing**_**, but I didn't really have time nor place to put it in here. As for all the others, I do promise that I am getting to them lol ;) THANK YOU! =) **

**Apart from that I've got intriguing details about someone we haven't heard much about as well as a plot-thickener to one of the side-mysteries, two in fact now that I think about it ;) Which I hope you will find interesting, as well as some good old J/L yumminesss. If I've done my job right that is ;)**

**As always, read, hopefully enjoy and PLEASE…pretty please lol…REVIEW! =) =) =) **

**Luv ya!**

**Lili**

**X x x x x x x x x x x**

* * *

He felt her leave.

The slow cautious rustle of covers being pulled back. The soft thud of her feet slipping to the floor. The silent swish of air as the hangings fell back and settled into place. Each one telling his half-asleep brain that she was going, disappearing before the guys stumbled out of bed; escaping before words and explanations were needed. Still she left a couple, whispering them softly over her shoulder, through the gap in the scarlet velvet, knowing that his tired mind would find them later.

"Thank you."

* * *

The day had started off so well, Remus sighed to himself, his gaze still hovering unseeing over the black and white print of the Daily Prophet.

He had woken up in the Hospital Wing feeling so well rested and reposed that even Madame Doucanne had finally been persuaded to release him a day early from her custody. Only one day after the Full Moon. A burst of affection warmed the werewolf's amber eyes thinking of the reason for this incredible occurrence; it was extraordinary how much difference the presence of the other Marauders could make to his transformations.

During the school year it was so easy to become accustomed to the relative ease and painlessness, that the summer holidays were a rude awakening. The two transformations without them had been excruciating, the after-effects lingering cruelly for sometimes weeks. Alone and restrained by iron bars and stone walls, the monster took out it's frustration and madness on itself; bones would break, skin and flesh torn apart by rabid teeth so that the boy would invariably awake to the clinical smell of Saint Mungo's and his parents faces, white and strained with worry.

His transformations at Hogwarts were as different as day and night. With space to run and roam, tree and branches to scratch and bite and friends to keep him and others safe, the monster slept exhausted for days after and yet Remus Lupin would have no bruises or blood to show for it. The fact that his friends often did was a thought that nevertheless haunted his nightmares, but the third Marauder had long accepted the truth that James and Sirius were not to be dissuaded, beg, bribe or blackmail as he might, they would always come and Remus could only thank Merlin that they did.

It was therefore not unsurprising that when Remus Lupin strolled into the vast Great Hall, he had a rare grin on his pale features. The smile wiped away the shadows from his eyes and the premature lines on his brow and his fan club sighed in longing at the transformation.

Remus' mood was so cheerful that for once he ignored their hopeful faces, determined to spend the morning with the people who had once again risked so much for him. And so, with a deep sigh of contentment he had pulled out his favourite newspaper and settled himself comfortably to wait.

Remus rolled his eyes. Why hadn't he just stayed in the Hospital Wing?

The England Quidditch team grinned and waved triumphantly back at him, their faces distinctly smug as they pointed up at the glorious Head-line above their photograph.

"England Through To Third Rounds!"

All across the Great Hall people were laughing and celebrating this momentous event; England hadn't reached so far in the World Quidditch Cup for over thirty years. Hogwarts drank and toasted pumpkin juice to the seven players, Mick and the gang were even doing a victory dance over at the Ravenclaw table, but for once even McGonagall didn't move a muscle. The good humour had infected every table, even the Slytherin scowls magically disappearing before the Front Page Headline to be replaced by distinctly smug smirks; the snake tattoo on the England Captain's arm slithered proudly in the very centre of the photo.

It had been the liveliest, happiest Monday morning breakfast Hogwarts had seen in years, Remus thought ruefully, and of course it had been too good to be true. The newspaper was lowered just a fraction, and on cue, the murderously black aura blazed over the top like the heat from an incinerator.

Repressing a wince and a swallow, Remus took a deep breath and tested the waters.

"Anyone for my bacon?"

Two glares, equally fierce, equally furious made the werewolf gulp and lift up the paper shield quicker than the eye could see. Hazel and violet burnt matching holes in left page and right and behind the refuge of the Daily Planet, Remus wiped a bead of sweat from his brow.

For over ten minutes no other attempt was made to break the deadly silence. Peter munched away, jaws working like clockwork and fingers trembling as he fought to keep his watery gaze on anything but the two scowls opposite, frighteningly beautiful and oddly similar, right down the muscle quivering in both clenched jaws. Remus read in silence, until finally even the ads for Hippogriff dung and half-price jarveys had been perused for the third time. A steadying breath was let out with dread, blond lashes closed and opened resolutely and the werewolf folded the paper into four and placed it resolutely on the table.

James and Sirius moved not a muscle, the first lounging mutinously in his place, glaring down the table over the brown hand that covered his thinly pressed mouth. Sirius, being Sirius, would never stoop to sprawling in public; the tall graceful figure sat straight and rigid as a poker, arms folded and eyes flashing in silent warning to any of the girls staring over at the Marauder Space in pathetic hope.

Their expressions were terrifying, their beauty unmatched but in the eyes of their oldest friend, all they could seem like was two thwarted toddlers. For a mad instant Remus felt the urge to laugh.

Instead the werewolf bolstered his courage and, spurred on by the impatience that had been gradually building since they'd stormed down to breakfast over a quarter of an hour ago, he leaned back in his seat and asked determindly

"Alright, what happened?"

The two glares that snapped to his almost drilled matching holes in his forehead but Remus simply waited, brows ever so faintly lifted.

Both boy's glowered for a moment before, in nevertheless impressive unison, turning their ebony heads to glance pathetically down the table to where a certain red-head laughed and sparkled with the rest of her gang.

Remus followed the pairs gaze curiously when, as if sensing his puzzlement, Lily turned her burnished head and the werewolf's amber eyes widened in sudden enlightenment.

If the boy's expressions were black it was nothing to the scathing look of distain that curled the girl's pretty lip. Remus almost flinched as the two emerald flames blistered and burned before closing haughtily and turning back to the other three in a snub so pointed, so disdainful that the sandy-haired boy couldn't help but thank his lucky stars he was not the intended victim.

He turned his head and looked back at his two friends who were now raising matching black brows at him significantly. Remus drew his breath back through his teeth.

"Right."

James and Sirius nodded moodily, the one returning his pouting jaw to his hand, the other dissecting the plate in front of him with his eyes. Remus glanced back at the Head Girl who was now back to giggling breezily, her good humour instantly returned now the boys were out of sight.

"What the hell did you do?" he asked in mingled pity and disbelief.

At first neither answered, both still glowering into their respective nothings. Then James lifted his chin from his hand just enough to mutter broodingly

"I got caught flirting with Selena Carlisle." he admitted sheepishly.

Remus winced.

"Ah."

The swift look of understanding faded and he turned to Sirius expectantly, brows questioningly raised. The black-haired boy glared back for a moment before answering with a strong hint of petulance.

"I got caught shagging Selena Carlisle."

There was a stunned silence, as two boys grimaced and stuck out their bottoms lips, their expressions almost tragic.

The third boy fought valiantly for his self control, truly he did, holding out for almost five seconds….before exploding into peals of hysterical laughter.

James and Sirius gritted their teeth and exchanged glances, filled with meaning in a silent promise to murder their friend just as soon as the moon waned enough to allow them to actually do so. Remus laughed harder, wiping the tears from his eyes before choking out

"Now this I have to hear."

* * *

_Flashback_

_"Come on Lils, I said I was sorry." _

_Frustration leaked through the boy's tone as he allowed his brow to fall into his hand. His companion didn't even spare him a glance, her slim legs pumping still in that same angry march that made him actually have to hurry to keep up with her. _

_The sound of small feet slapping furiously against cold stone, echoed eerily down the empty corridors, bringing another hint of annoyance to the boy's face. Even for his extended powers of audition, with all the noise she was making in her tantrum, he'd be lucky to hear a bloody troll creeping up behind them. Let alone a slimy Slytherin with stalker-ish tendencies. _

_But even as the silent huff had him briefly slow, she was already getting ahead of him once more. James almost growled, cursing the girl who was still rampaging like a literal green-eyed monster. _

_He'd played nicey-nicey, the inner ego smarted sulkily, he'd even taken her little sticking spell in good humour, arriving back at the Head's Common Room with a heartbreaking grin and a heart-felt apology. Surely it was time to let bygones be bygones he'd reasoned inwardly. Surely they weren't going to let an hour of alone time go to waste because of _Selena Carlisle. _James threw the tiny redhead a look of exasperation. _

_Apparently they were._

_For the past twenty minutes she had refused to communicate with her fellow Head Student in any shape or form. And he needed to talk to her! As soon as possible if this plan was actually going to work! Behind Lily's back, James raised his fists pleadingly to the heavens and prayed to God to give him just one ounce of his best mates inexhaustible patience. _

_This was not his area of expertise, for Merlin's sake. Coaxing wrathful females out of their tantrums was something left for pansies and hen-pecked husbands. Never once in all his years had he found himself interested in a girl enough to put up with this level of silent treatment. Remus would have known what to do; Sirius would have no difficulty in simply letting the fury run it's course; Heck, even Peter would probably have a better idea of what to say in this situation than him!_

_Again, the softened clack of her small heels against the floor brought him out of his mutinous thoughts and James looked up in sudden worry to see her already reaching the far end of the corridor. For a moment panic cleared all other notions from his mind, panic at the mere thought of her disappearing out of sight and out of reach. A memory flashed through his mind, unwelcome, of a beautiful fifth year pinned up against the stone wall, shirt ripped open and face streaming with silent tears. James shook his head fiercely, the lump in his throat suddenly painful as he shoved the shock and disgust aside along with the lingering feeling of helplessness. Because although he'd fought the bastards off, he still hadn't been able to truly save her. Not from her real nightmare._

_James didn't notice how fast he'd run until his fingers were inches from her arm, curled into furious claws about to snatch her back away from the unknown darkness. _

_Then, abruptly, copper flashed almost silver in the moonlight and she turned around._

_Shock was etched on every piquant feature of her pale face. Lily stared up at him in bemusement. She could have sworn that he'd fallen behind, too far behind for comfort she admitted reluctantly to her inner conscious. It was slightly galling and certainly against her view as a feminist to want him to go first, but somehow she couldn't help it. So despite her ever-present anger, she'd paused and turned to wait for him. Only he was already there._

_It startled her out of her furious silence, she frowned up at him in perplexion._

_"How did you…" the sudden light of triumph on his face made her own close up, "Never mind."_

_Lily made to turn sharply back around but he was too quick, strong hands gripping her upper arms and forcing her to stay._

_"No!" the spark of frustration in his voice made her lift her head in a decidedly militant glare but he was already backtracking, "I mean…please, just…talk to me. Yell at me, punch me, hell dismember me but just…enough with the silent treatment already. Please!"_

_His eyes were screwed shut, his handsome head bowed over hers and the expression on his face was adorably pleading. Despite herself Lily could feel the anger softening, leaking away under the helplessness in his voice. She exhaled in a huff, loudly and fiercely enough to let him know that she was still pissed but that she was at least listening._

_"Fine. Talk."_

_His eyes opened in almost pitiful hope and again she sniffed in irritation but he had already launched into speech, words falling from his lips so fast that she had to concentrate to follow them._

_"Thank Merlin. Ok, God knows this isn't probably the best time but…I kind of need an answer, at least, for it to work, maybe, though hopefully he should be there by tomorrow, and then back with an answer by Friday with lu…" James broke off, suddenly realising that he was rambling and that his love was looking at him with eyes rounder than dinner plates. He took a deep breath._

_"Do you…_want_…to go to Hogsmede with me this weekend."_

_Lily stared up at him in complete shock. Was he seriously asking her…now? He seemed to sense her disbelief and breathed in heavily again, as though steeling himself._

_"Because, I don't think you do." he finished a little more softly. The fleeting look of guilt, hesitation that passed over her face was all the confirmation he needed._

_"That's what I thought."_

_"James, I do, I…"_

_His hand was at her cheek, stopping her frantic and untruthful denial, calming her with a single look._

_"Want wasn't the right word. I know you want to go with me…but you're not ready for it. We're not ready for it." he said gently, reassuringly, fingers soothing and soft on her pale skin. The hint of a grin warmed his hazel eyes and chased some of the panic away. Silenced, Lily waited for him to continue._

_"And I think you're right. So…I'm not going to ask you, at least not to Hogsmede. What I do want to ask you is to leave the day open." Lily frowned but he was still speaking, _

_"Just don't make plans, with Mick" a hint of derision, "Or anyone else, if you please?"_

_His face was so close she could count the flecks of gold and green that whirled in his deep brown irises. Earnest and serious they held her gaze, she couldn't look away if she wanted to. They were eyes you could fall into, be swept away in their power and drown in them. Lily blinked slightly dazed and suddenly frowned up at him._

_"Where are we going if not to Hogsmede."_

_The trademark smirk lit up his face more beautifully than the moonlight as he heard the implied agreement through her words. Mischief danced in his eyes and his fingers as he lifted up the index and pressed it secretly to his lips. Lily stuck out her lower lip in a pout._

_"I thought you said you would tell me everything." she whined. _

_James simply threw her his sweetest smile and laced his fingers obnoxiously behind his head. _

_"Everything except surprises." he said in a sing-song voice, starting off down the corridor once more, so that this it was Lily who had to quicken her pace in order to keep up. Her emerald eyes narrowed at him as her small frame drew level with his._

_"You didn't specify," she suddenly stepped forward and planted herself slap-bang in his path, arms crossed and chin lifted in challenge. _

_James stopped just in time to avoid crashing into her, and tilted his head to the side, considering. Then, quick as a flash he leaned down so that his mocking gaze smouldered directly into hers._

_"YOU didn't get it in writing."_

_Lily's jaw fell open incredulously but he was already striding past her, wicked laughter echoing softly in his wake so that, to her frustration, she had to run to catch up with him. When he was only a foot away, Lily lifted her hands with the notion of shoving the stupid, smirking git in the back. There wasn't of course much hope of it actually hurting, mores the pity she ground her teeth furiously, but it would at least make her feel a little better. Lily set her jaw, leaned back and…_

_His hands snatched her wrists out of the air before she had even time to blink. The momentum still carried her forwards, and without her arms to steady her, Lily found herself catapulted, to her deepest frustration, against an extremely hard, vibrating chest._

_"That wasn't very nice." his rich chuckle only annoyed her further, as she realised it was that which was making his chest shake, it was shaking with sodding laughter! _

_Thoroughly pissed off, Lily heaved herself backwards out of his grip and smoothed down her crumpled shirt, muttering all the while death threats and curses. James merely watched, the grin spreading wider with every second until she threw him a look filled with deepest loathing, turned on her heel and stormed off down the corridor._

_"But anything else I suppose, you are entitled to an answer." He strolled nonchalantly after her, his voice low and horribly tempting. James' smirk widened as the redhead paused, rocking undecided on her heels. _

_Lily ground her teeth, torn in two, wanting desperately to snort in his face but also thinking off all the unanswered questions she had stored up over the years, all the mysteries that revolved around the famous foursome. It was almost unbearable; he was wafting possibilities before her nose, torturing her with everything she'd ever longed to ask him. And he was still creeping closer, that stupid smirk searing straight through her clothes like a laser. Finally she could take it no longer._

_"Fine!" she swung round so fast her hair flew out like a molten waterfall behind her, slapping the obnoxious prat right in his smirking face._

_"But I want proper answers!" she glared at him threateningly._

_"Of course." his smile was sweeter than honey, golden eyes dancing in the near-darkness like two flickering candles._

_Lily let out a huff and carried on walking at a much slower pace that her companion obediently matched. She paused for a moment, to gather her thoughts and James watched her face in amusement, enjoying her frown of concentration and the familiar way she had of biting her lip as she pondered. Half of him was slightly curious about what she would actually ask. During the first month they'd been going out, it had been still new and tentative, and neither would have dreamed about sharing real personnel issues. But now, things were different, James realised with decided relish. They were different and above all, their relationship was. Or would be. And that could only work if they let the other in._

_Finally she spoke, slow and a little hesitating._

_"Why me?"_

_James frowned, not understanding._

_"What do you mean?"_

_Lily's cheeks flushed a little but she held his gaze stubbornly._

_"You've gone out with just about every pretty girl in the school. Loads of them far prettier than me, so why…why fall in love…with me?"_

_James' face split into a teasing grin._

_"I give you carte-blanche for any question you like and you pick THE oldest cliché in the book?"_

_Lily flushed bright pink, annoyance and embarrassment battling on her face but James simply laughed, one hand lifting to rumple his hair as he pondered the question._

_"Merlin. Ok…well, I suppose, you were…different. Innocent. Guileless even." he glanced down at her and hastened to continue when he saw the frown._

_"Most girls who wanted me really wanted what I could give them. Whether it was popularity, money" he flashed his white teeth at her, "Mindblowing sex."_

_Lily rolled her eyes and he winked devilishly back, but a moment later his face turned serious once more._

_"But you…you just wanted…ME. For some weird reason I still don't comprehend. Not the presents and the expensive dates, or the invitations and notoriety." The way her brows creased in distaste at the mere thought made him chuckle again._

_"See, you hate that stuff and if anything you put up with it all, just to be with me."_

_Lily felt her heart beat a little faster at the sincerity behinds the words, but woman as she was, she hesitated slightly_

_"And…that's all?"_

_All at once he spun her round so that she could look up directly into his face. His eyes were alight with laughter, his lips twitching in an effort not to let it out and his fingers lifted to skim over her cheekbone with loving mockery._

_"AND…you are of course funny, witty, smart, WAY too attractive for your own good, and altogether completely and utterly adorable."_

_Her face turned red as a glowing sunset, and his smirk stretched from ear to ear as he leant in close._

_"And that is why, Lily Evans, I am madly, passionately and hopelessly…in love with you."_

_Her mouth was open in a silent "O", her eyes sparkling like gemstones. Before she had time to do more than sigh, he stole away the breath with a kiss that made her head swirl and her hear stop. Strong and passionate, his lips were somehow filled with all the gentleness and love of a lifetime. All too soon he pulled away, at least in Lily's opinion, only pausing to briefly drag his lips over the white skin of her temple. Then he had let her go, moving back to their earlier distance with only a small half-smile to show for the brief moment of passion._

_It was rather dazedly that Lily followed after him, continuing the slow, comfortable walk down the deserted Charms Corridor. The silence was peaceful, his presence alone made her feel warm inside and so when he spoke, she almost started, lost as she was in pleasurable day-dreams._

_"Anything else?"_

_Lily blinked up at him in puzzlement before her eyes suddenly widened as memory of their original discussion returned. Forcing her mind to concentrate, she thought for a moment before smiling as inspiration came._

_"Yes. What's your father like?"_

_James frowned slightly, looking down at her curiously._

_"My father?"_

_"Yes," Lily nodded eagerly, "I mean, I've met MJ,…" _

_For a moment she paused in worry, thinking of last time they'd brought up this slightly awkward fact, but James simply nodded for her to continue._

_"And, well…I guess I wondered what he was like, the man that she would get married to. The man who helped make you." Again her cheeks turned faintly flushed, but aside from a brief quirk of the lips James didn't comment on her odd way of defining the relationship. Instead he seemed to think the question over, as though struggling with an answer._

_"Well, he's Head of the Auror Department." James said finally, "You'll meet him in fact, at the official presentation. He'll be the one we'll have to respectfully bow our heads to." He glanced down at the girl beside him with a hint of a grin. A moment later though he was serious once more._

_"Apart from that, where do you start? To anyone else I'd just say "He's Henry Potter" and that would be enough, but I guess that name doesn't mean anything to you."_

_Lily didn't vouch a reply, guessing correctly that the question was rhetorical. Inside however, her nerves were jumping. James almost always avoided talking about his parents, he always had done ever since she could remember. From the newspaper and girls dormitory gossip she'd gathered all long time ago that the Potters were one of the wealthiest Pureblood families remaining and that Henry Potter was an extremely important member of the Ministry. Drawing James out on the subject however, even when they'd been going out, had been impossible. _

_But now he was actually volunteering information, and Lily's heartbeat couldn't help but thud alarmingly fast. HE was trusting her, confiding in her, telling her things that before would only ever have been told to the Marauders. She couldn't help but fidget in eager impatience. _

_James breathed out another sigh, hand automatically lifting to run through his hair as it did whenever he was under pressure._

_"He's…different. Special, you could say. He doesn't show emotions or feelings. Comes of being a genius I guess."_

_Lily chuckled, glancing up at the taller boy with a quick smile._

_"And I suppose that's where you get it from." The underlying mockery made James wink teasingly back but behind the appreciative smirk the was a gravity that made her pause._

_"Dad he's…well, let's just say I'm not a genius. Not by a long shot."_

_Lily half frowned, half smiled in bewilderment._

_"But you're…YOU. You're the top in everything, without even trying. That qualifies for genius doesn't it?"_

_James answered the perplexed smile with a small quirk of his own but his mind was elsewhere, searching for a way to make her understand._

_"It's hard to explain," he said, "I'm not sure how to.."_

_Then all at once it was as though a light was turned on, a light of blinding inspiration James turned to her with triumphant smirk._

_"You know the score I got on my OWL's."_

_Lily scowled, suspecting him of showing off._

_"Eleven 0utstanding OWL's, one Exceeds Expectations with an overall percentage of 97,6 %. The highest mark of our year and the highest score for the last TEN years. Happy?"_

_James' smirk was pure evil. He let out a sigh of deep contentment, swaggering just a little more arrogantly as he taunted._

_"That really got to you didn't it."_

_Lily vouched no answer, instead throwing him a look that could have curdled milk. James wiped the grin off his face, replacing it with a wide-eyed, innocent stare that only faltered when Lily shoved her shoulder into him as they walked._

_"Anyway, eleven O's, that's not too bad," he paused to enjoy the seething expression on the redhead's face._

_"My dad, got Twelve O's, wait," as Lily made to interrupt, "With an overall percentage of 106%"_

_On cue, the expression of pure disbelief he'd been hoping for, spread adorably all over Lily's face. She gaped up at him in shock, mouth opening and closing like a fish and he couldn't help it. James had to laugh. Finally she managed to choke out _

_"That's not…POSSIBLE."_

_James shrugged._

_"That's what I mean when I say genius."_

_"But…HOW? I mean, how can he have got MORE than a hundred percent?"_

_James slipped his arm round her waist in order to keep her moving; the Head Girl seemed to have been frozen into motionless by pure indignation. Biting back the laugh, he said_

_"He found three errors in the written test papers, and in the practical," James did chuckle this time, "Lets just say he performed spells that some of the examiners hadn't even heard of."_

_Lily's eyes were still round with shock as they stared at him blankly. Eventually she gathered the courage to ask weakly_

_"NEWT's?"_

_James's eyes glinted pure gold as he said apologetically_

_"Nine, all O's."_

_The stifled cry of dismay bounced back and forth of the stone walls and James slipped both arms round her waist this time, just in case his love gave in to her emotions and keeled over. _

_"The third best results in the past century." he finished, chin resting lightly on the top her head. _

_Lily's only response was a strangled squeak. Her fingers lifted, ghostly pale in the moonlight and began to rub her temple's agitatedly, muttering to herself all the while. James bore with this patiently for a few minutes, before deciding that enough was enough and he grasped the frenzied hands and forced them gently to her side. _

_"Easy Lils, as I said, he's a certified genius." _

_He took her by the shoulders and moved her carefully round to face him, almost choking on laughter once again as her horrified face pushed him to the very edge of his self-control. Her look of complete and utter hopelessness was the funniest thing he'd ever seen. Eventually Lily swallowed, forcing her mouth to close and her lungs to breath. In and Out In and Out. Ahhhhhhh._

_"Who…who beat him?" she managed to say with some degree of composure. To her surprise, James' face became abruptly closed and hard as stone. Lily reached out to touch his cheek with questioning fingers, silently wondering why the enquiry had provoked such a reaction from him. The cool feeling of her skin seemed to soothe him, and a minute later James sighed a little ruefully and replied_

_"Professor Dumbledore of course, and," the barest hint of hesitation, "Tom Riddle…"_

_For a moment Lily frowned, unable to place the oddly familiar name. Then all at once, the memory of a boggart and a frighteningly handsome man made her gasp in realisation._

_"You mean…Voldemort?"_

_A tense nod was her only answer, as James turned away and refused to meet her stunned gaze. All at once the atmosphere was heavy as lead and Lily swallowed thinking desperately of a way to try and alleviate the tension that had descended between them. Finally she smiled weakly_

_"So…he's a genius. Anything else?" _

_James said nothing for a long moment but eventually his hand reached up to ruffle his hair and he let out a sigh._

_"Yeah. Don't piss him off." he turned with a rueful grin that became a little less forced at the frowning look on the redhead's face. She wrinkled her nose at him curiously and he had to laugh._

_"He can be pretty scary when he get's mad. Because he never gets mad, and mean really never. So when he does it's…scary." he explained with a tiny shudder._

_"What happens when he gets mad?" she peeped up at him, trying to judge his emotions from his expression. To her surprise his beautiful face lit up in laughter._

_"Well this is the guy who, entirely on his own, took down the unfortunate dragon who felt like I would make a tasty breakfast." he chuckled glancing eagerly down at her, waiting for the reaction._

_Just as he was hoping, Lily's mouth again fell open in a silent "O" of disbelief._

_"He…beat a DRAGON?" she whispered, eyes round as stars. James nodded, gazing into nothing as he tried to dredge up the old memories._

_"Unofficially, yeah."_

_"What…HOW?"_

_James opened the corridor door and indicated for her to go through before him. Then he cleared his throat to tell the family story. _

_"Well, it was when I was about seven, seven or eight perhaps, and we were on a family holiday to Romania to see the dragons."_

_Lily swallowed but did her best to act like the idea of going to visit dragons for a holiday wasn't completely and utterly unheard of, at least to a muggleborn. She nodded weakly and he continued._

_"Anyway, We'd all been under severest instructions not to leave the lodge on our own, which made sense," he paused, eyes gleaming gold with mischief, "But not of course, to my younger and far less wiser self." he finished with a rueful grin. Lily rolled her eyes. Of course._

_"I grabbed my broomstick and soared off without telling a soul. And of course I found a dragon, just as I wanted to."_

_James grimaced at the memory, the tiniest shudder of fear carefully repressed as he went on._

_"She was huge, massive and she was also very hungry. A horntail, all black spikes and deadly fangs. I screamed and ran for my life but of course outrunning a dragon is like flying to the moon; impossible. Anyway, I would have been cooked to extra crispy if my Dad hadn't just appeared out of no where."_

_James' voice dropped a little lower, so that Lily had to lean in to hear the words._

_"All I remember is this flash of blinding white light, then silver swirling all around us. Then a sound no human should ever hear." James did shudder this time, hazel eyes dark and unseeing, wrapped up in the past and old fear._

_"When it faded , the rangers were already on their way, and the dragon…" he paused, "The dragon's eyes had been burnt to ashes and through the empty sockets there was just…nothing."_

_He turned his head and met Lily's expression of dawning disbelief._

_"The spell was so strong it had burnt through the eyeballs and straight into the creature's cranium. It was just an empty skull."_

_Lily repressed the urge to throw up, swallowing heavily. James turned back to the nearby window and whispered almost to the stars._

_"Of course out there, killing a dragon is a punishable offence. Dad could have been looking at three years imprisonment. Except that, when they examined his wand, all they could find was a protection spell. Circumstantial evidence doesn't count when you're trying to lock up the Head of the British Auror Department. Dad denied having anything to do with it, and without actual proof the rangers had to let him go."_

_Lily's gaze was almost incredulous._

_"He must have used wandless magic, right?"_

_James shrugged._

_"I don't know. But I do know that, according to my mum, Dad has never been able to perform wandless magic, not even once. Maybe she's lying but…" again he shrugged, rumpling his hair distractedly._

_"I just don't know."_

_For long while there was silence, as Lily digested the information he'd just shared with her and James seemed wrapped up in his own thoughts. The corridor was lit by ten huge windows, looking out onto the silver sweep of the ground and the black shadow of the lake. In the cold silence, the scene's beauty escaped her tonight; instead she shivered slightly as the tree rustled eerily in the breeze and a few more leaves fell to the ground below. Autumn she realised vaguely, soon it would be winter, and she would finally meet this man. _

_Henry Potter. _

_Lily shook her burnished head and pushed the surge of fear that the name now inspired. Instead she looked to James, silently wondering what it must be like to be the son of such a man. To have so much to live up to and compare yourself to. _

_She wondered also whether they looked like much like each other. James smooth gold skin surely had to have come from Moniqua and her French background, but the rest of his eye-catching beauty. Was his ebony hair a trait from both his parents? The unruliness couldn't be from Moniqua after all, just as neither could his eyes, those breathtaking pools of gold were nothing like MJ's stern blackness. Nor was her slight frame anything like her son's, though hisz skill on a broomstick couldn't be anything but. His talent for excelling in everything he tried, however, could surely only come from this unknown genius. _

_James voice and half grin brought her out of her musings with a start._

_"I've given you a lot to think about, haven't I?" he said softly, "Maybe we should leave the rest of your questions for another patrol."_

_She smiled weakly back, simply relieved that he wasn't angry with her for asking about things he obviously wasn't comfortable talking about. Instead of replying she moved closer to him, until their shoulders were almost touching, before, to his surprise, she slipped her hand into his and squeezed it tightly. A moment later he returned the grip and they walked in silence, simply enjoying the other's proximity and the still-not-quite-real pleasure of having this after so long._

_The minutes passed by like seconds in soft, almost gentle silence, and it was only when they were almost half-way down the History of Magic Corridor that James suddenly remembered the promise he'd made earlier to NOT visit this particular part of the castle. Shit, shit, SHIT!_

_Immediately he halted, mid-stride, his mind whirling at unnatural speed as he sought a way to get them out of the corridor without making her suspicious. _

_"Erhhh Lils, how' about we head back a little early tonight? Maybe…snuggle up on the couch before bed."_

_For a brief second he thought he'd done it, as her emerald eyes lit up in a sparkle of pleasure, but before his brain had time to crow at it's own cleverness, her pretty face hardened into a stern glare._

_"James Potter! We are NOT skiving off duties to…snuggle." she said sharply, ignoring the blush that was spreading over her cheeks. James inwardly swore. Come on Prongs, THINK! _

_Lily turned to continue down the corridor at her favourite, stompidy-stomp march but quick as a flash, James slipped his arms round her waist and nuzzled the soft white skin behind her ear._

_"Just this one time…" he allowed the question to trail off, instead darting his tongue out to trace the curve of her neck teasingly, revelling in the way she tensed and let out a hoarse choke of surprise under his ministrations._

_Then suddenly she pushed him away. James teetered off balance, mind momentarily numb with shock, so that he didn't see her draw level with the broom closet until far too late. When he did, his eyes fell shut in silent prayer to any higher being listening, that for once in his life, his best mate had remembered the silenco charm._

_The higher being in question obviously didn't like him, because at the precise moment that Lily strode past the innocent looking door, a high-pitched moan of ecstasy floated through the would all the way to even his dammed ears. Even as he ran, despair was already making him squirm as Lily fixed the offending door with a look that could have burnt a hole straight through it, stepped back and threw the door open with a wave of her wand._

_"Out NOW!"_

_Behind her James resisted the urge to run very fast in the other direction, instead choosing to lean against the wall with a hand covering as much of his handsome face as humanely possible, waiting for the inevitable…_

_"SIRIUS ORION BLACK!"_

_The tall, dark-haired figure lounged out through the open doorway shirtless and stunning in the moonlight. His long black hair was in considerable disarray and the zip of his pant had been hurried drawn up, obvious by the way the fly's were half-folded open. All in all he looked like he'd just been interrupted in the middle of a highly vigorous shagging session, which of course he had._

_"Lily, babe, what a pleasant…_surprise_." _

_James winced at the heavy irony in his best mate's tone, hand jumping up to his hair in guilty discomfort. From the safety of Lily's turned back, he threw his brother an apologetic shrug. Sirius rolled his forget-me-not blue eyes and snorted softly. Unfortunately not softly enough._

_Lily stepped back, narrowed eyes snapping from one handsome face to the other and a look of panic entered James' eyes before he could successfully hide it. _

_"You KNEW!" she exploded like a volcano, causing both boy's to wince in acute pain, "You knew he was down here participating in these activities and you deliberately tried to distract me!"_

_"That's not exactly…"_

_A wand pointed in his direction made James shut his mouth extremely fast, as two snapping emerald fires threatened to hex his balls off if he so much as spoke. The tiny smirk that had just begun to curl Sirius' lips abruptly vanished as the blistering glare was turned on him and, to his deepest shame, the school heart-throb couldn't help but swallow._

_Both boys terrified into silence Lily turned her attention to the one remaining occupant of the broom closet, determinedly restraining her fury as she called out bitingly._

_"Out. Whoever you are I want you out NOW!"_

_The shadows moved for a moment, and then the girl stepped lazily into the moonlight, her pouty lips curled into a taunting smile as swung the remains of her shirt over her shoulder. Lily's eyes threatened to pop out of their sockets, as the same buxom brunette that had been draped over her love's desk only three short hours ago, placed her hand on her hip and threw the same love an enticing smile._

_"Still can't persuade you to join us, James?"_

_Lily Evans' face became beetroot red. James Potter turned an rather interesting shade of green. _

_End of Flashback._

* * *

Remus threw back his sandy head and laughed a laugh so loud that it had almost every gaze in the Great Hall snapping over to the Marauder Space.

James and Sirius exchanged mutinous looks once more, ignoring their friends hysterics as well as the bemused stares from all over the room. Sirius flicked a lock of hair out of his face with haughty elegance.

"It would never have happened had _idiot _here remembered our deal." he sucked sourly on the insides of his mouth, glaring balefully over at a traumatised group of Hufflepuffs.

"It would never have happened had SOMEBODY remembered the bloody Silenco Charm!" James retorted just as icily.

Remus fought desperately to regain his composure, breathing out heavily to try and stop the bubble of laughter than still threatened to escape.

"So now she hates both of you." he clarified with a carefully straight face. Sirius suddenly turned round to glare at his friend in pure indignation, his legendary self-control finally snapping like a rubber band.

"Do you know what she said? She insinuated that we were obviously so used to sharing the chicks we sleep with, that it didn't surprise her in the least that we'd partaken in a few…ORGIES in our time!"

The look of complete and utter horror creasing the idols perfect features was almost Remus's undoing. His voice was almost a squeak as he replied, so hard was he trying to hold back the laughter.

"How _dare _she."

"ORGIES! As in BOTH of us in bed TOGETHER!" for a moment Sirius simply seethed, when suddenly a nearby giggle made his head snap round to shoot a murderous look towards the silly bitch who was obviously imagining the scene all to clearly. Before Sirius could send the girls' remains to the Hospital Wing however, James cut in with a moody huff.

"Bully for you. I now have lost all right to even speculate on the routes we are going to patrol, are forbidden to speaking during said patrols from now until Christmas AND, I quote, "If you so much as flap your smarmy, gang-banging hands anywhere near me I shall cut off each and every finger and shove them down your throat.""

Remus raised his brows slightly at that one.

"Gang-banging?"

"Gang-banging." James muttered darkly. "Merlin, help me."

Remus let out a silent whistle, that had both boy's snapping round to glare at him murderously. He met their looks and shrugged

"You're in shit."

Before reaching forward as though oblivious of his friend's matching gapes of furious indignation and helping himself to a large slice of toast.

* * *

The morning passed without any further issue. Charms had always been Lily's favourite subject besides potions and Flitwick's enthusiastic comments and commendations as they left the classroom had the red-heads face glowing like a sunset in pleasure.

James' hopeful attempt at flattery with equal success was summarily ignored much to Jenny and Emily satisfaction, though Alice shook her blond head and sighed ruefully at the couples latest disagreement. Still she couldn't hep but smile when Lily pointed out defensively, that this time at least, it was all his fault. The look in the taller girl's eyes was almost wise as the foursome made their way down to Transfiguration, but she kept quite, knowing all too well that interfering in another couples business rarely ends in good results.

Lily's least favourite class went by considerably more slowly, a fact that left her decidable irritable for the simple reason that she was annoyingly aware that it wouldn't have if a certain messy haired Marauder had been at her side. Lily jabbed her wand moodily at her pencil case, causing the entire thing to contentiously combust and she had to endure a humiliating ten minute lecture in front of the class about playing around simply because she had finished the exercise the day before. The redhead scowled, refusing to meet James expression of barely suppressed laughter.

Instead she lifted her nose and proceeded to sulk throughout the entire lesson, only breaking her abstraction to throw a look of loathing towards Carlisle as she slipped out of her seat in an attempt to ingratiate herself with the famous foursome. In fact Lily's only satisfaction from the entire lesson was the way Sirius acted as he couldn't he even hear a word the put-out brunette was whining in his ear, and it was left to Remus to eventually ask the furious Ravenclaw to return to her seat.

Perverse and childish as it was, her darling's merciless way of dealing with girl he'd shagged only ten hours ago did nothing to advances him in her good books. Lily didn't quite know why the scene from last night had made her so inexplicably irate. She knew Sirius was the schools biggest playboy and that three quarters of the female student body had had the dubious honour of entertaining him in one broom closet or another. So why did last night affect her so profoundly? ARGHH!

"It's alright to be a little jealous, you know."

Lily spun round, mouth hanging open in complete and utter shock to stare into Emily's knowing smile. The dark-haired girl shrugged slightly turning back to scribble a quick mark on her grid before throwing a cautious look towards McGonagall and whispering

"G9."

Lily stared at her best friend, who was now grinning at the disgruntled look on Alice's face as another ship went down into Davy Jones locker.

"How do you do that? Read my mind like that." then she sighed putting her face into her folded arms.

"Or am I really that obvious?" she muttered into the white cotton fabric, one emerald eye peeping tragically out. Emily laughed, but whether this was from the question or the fact the Alice had yet again missed, Lily wasn't immediately sure. Those luminous blue eyes suddenly flicked to hers, filled with a loving mockery that made Lily groan.

"Don't answer that."

Emily laughed, ebony locks flying back from her face as she bit her lip in an unsuccessful attempt to repress the smile.

"Whatever you say."

Lily huffed and turned to glance discreetly at the four boys who, having all by now completed the task, were lounging at the back, all their attention focused on a game of exploding snap. James was winning, she couldn't help but allow the glimmer of a smile, Chasers reflexes so good that he was flattening the other three, especially one unfortunate Peter. Remus and Sirius looked about tied, the sandy-haired perhaps a shade faster when it came to hitting the cards and ducking out of the way to save his eyebrows.

A burst of laughter, quickly stifled with a glance towards the teacher, came from the boy's table as Sirius leaned back in his chair in disgust, chaffing at the singed ends of his perfect locks. Lily couldn't help it, she had to chuckle but a second later the grin changed to a scowl as Taylor Swift and Mary McDonald rushed up with flushed horrified faces, screaming to bring glasses of water for the idol, uttering matching wails as they saw the damage that had been done. Lily turned away with a huff, only to see Emily looking at her with that same knowing grin.

"Possessive much?"

Lily scowled returned her chin to her arms.

"I am NOT possessive." she muttered balefully. Emily laughed.

"Hey, this is what you have to deal with when you date _and_ you're best-mates with the two most popular guys in the school."

Lily huffed but didn't answer and Emily took the silence as a hint not to press it. She turned away when suddenly a little voice, slightly muffled by shirt, floated to her ears

"Why did they _both_ like her? Is she _that_ pretty?" the redhead sniffed. Emily fought valiantly to keep a straight face.

"Carlisle? Ugly as a troll, but you know, I really don't think that they're the one's to blame in this instance. Don't you think it's just possible that Selena was looking for a good shag and set her sights on one of the Marauders?"

Lily snorted, throwing a decidedly vicious glare at the Ravenclaw in question across the room before returning to her mutinous observation of the wooden desk three inches from her nose.

"They didn't have to say yes." she finally muttered. Emily paused to keep her composure before replying without a shadow of the laughter that was fighting break lose, to show for on her face.

"And James didn't. Sirius did, but even though he's your best guy-friend, he is actually allowed." she pointed out gently. Lily sighed but lifted her of her arms to lean back ruefully in her chair.

"I'm being stupid aren't I." she said, with a quick glance up at her best friend, who nodded but said with a grin.

"But think about it this, neither of them should be making plans on how to carry out such activities after curfew." she winked "So I think you're perfectly within your rights to let them stew a little while longer."

Emily allowed the smirk to spread over her face, eyes gleaming with mischief as Lily's lips quirked in sympathy.

"Until they think of a really good apology."

Both girls looked at each other for a moment before, in unison, collapsing into helpless giggles. Jenny raised her brows and laughingly edged her chair away from the pair, the expression on her pointed face one of fear for their mental health, which only made them laugh harder. Alice shook her head as people round the room turned to stare in bemusement at the group. The blond shrugged, saying with wide, innocent eyes, and the barest hint of a smile.

"St Mungo's wouldn't have them."

* * *

The bell finally rang and the girls hung back as twenty people fought like lunatics to be the first to push through the door and escape to the Great Hall to fill their bellies. From First year to Seventh, some things never changed.

Some of the Ravenclaw were rushing as fast as they could to beat the crowd before stopping so fast it reminded Lily of the Muggle road-runner, when the Four Marauders turned round in Unisom, brows raised as though daring some poor fool to shove them in their haste. Jenny's mocking impression of their expressions of absolute terror, earned a quick ten loss of ten House Points for Gryffindor, and the girls finally made their way out of the classroom with somewhat lessened enthusiasm

Outside Emily lowered the mood further still by excusing herself from lunch with an apologetic shrug, saying that she really needed to finish her Ancient Rune's essay before the afternoons lesson. Alice offered to keep her company in the library and the two girls disappeared with promises to meet up after lunch, and left Jenny and Lily to make their solitary way down to the Great Hall.

Before they'd gone ten paces however a cold, horribly familiar voice crawled out of the nearby shadows and made both girls turn around, with suddenly cautious expressions.

"Lily."

Just her name, but still the sound of it coming from his lips after so long, after so much betrayal, it stung in a way that she could never begin to explained. With an effort she kept her face blank, anger and hurt already seething below the surface but the memory of his actions in that never to be forgotten Potions class, stopped her from glaring in disgust as she once might have.

"Snape." she whispered back, and his skinny, bat-like form slipped closer, away from the wall where he'd been waiting silently like a wraith. His black eyes flickered for a single instant to her companion, with an odd look that was gone too fast for Lily to decipher but a moment later his gaze locked once more with hers, searing and so intense it sent chills down her spine.

"What do you want Snape?" she said finally, when he made no move to speak. The boy's pale lips opened hesitatingly but again he glanced towards Jenny, before finally licking them and saying expressionlessly

"To talk to you. Alone."

Lily swallowed, half expecting Jenny to tell the Slytherin where to shove it, probably with an explicit gesture to make the point clear, but she said nothing, her hazel eyes watchful and oddly wary. Then, to Lily's even greater shock she said tightly

"I'll wait for you at the stairs, Lils."

The girl walked away in that familiar, hip-rolling gate that had even Snape's cold gaze linger for the briefest second. Then he turned back to the girl he loved, bony fingers clasped and his entire posture tense, swallowing in his unsureness. Lily could only watch and wait, her soul silently reaching out for old friend with her need that almost made her leg give way, only to be repressed by the cold, hard memory of that agonising word.

"Mudblood."

"I'm listening." she eventually whispered, pushing aside the waves of loss with an effort. "So talk."

The prominent adam's apple bobbed in Snape's pale throat, and when he spoke, it came out a hoarse croak.

"I came to tell you, to warn you, Potter, you must, you HAVE to stay away from him."

Disbelief made Lily's jaw drop, befoe her emerald eyes suddenly ignited into green flames as anger, unbelievable anger overwhelmed her.

"How dare you!" she seethed, ignoring the frantic look etched onto his taught face, "How dare you even think about spouting those same old lies!"

"Lily, please…"

"You gave up any right to had to lecture me long ago, and who I go out with or who I…I love, is none of your business and never was!"

The agony that creased the boy's face at the word "Love" was terrible, he almost reeled as though she struck him, but the redhead was too wrapped up in indignation to notice or guess as to it's reason. Her eyes were bright with angry, unshed tears, her lips parted in silent hurt at how, for a briefest moment she'd hoped that maybe, maybe he'd some back, come back to the light and to her side. That maybe saving his enemy's life had proved to him that that their was good inside him, if only he would let it out. But instead he'd done what she hated the most, tried to set her against James for their old grudge.

Snape cringed before the fury and the pain as she lashed out verbally, but he tried again, his expression almost desperate

"You don't understand, you'll get hurt, Potter…Potter isn't safe to be around."

Lily stared at him in rage and bewilderment, half-laughing, half-crying in disbelief

"What are you talking about…?"

"It's dangerous! The Dark Lord…"

Lily's gasp made him bite off the sentence before it could fully slip out, but it was too late, the damage was done. Her eyes were round and suddenly burned into his, fear and dreadful understanding filling them so quickly, Snape winced and mentally cursed his stupid tongue.

"What? What about Voldemort?"

Snape was already turning away, black greasy curtains of hair flapping as he sought to escape, but her small white hand suddenly latched onto his robes, her face pale and pleading as she said

"Please Sev, what? Is he endanger? What could Voldemort want with a student, were not even out of school?"

Every inch of him screamed to run, to leave now before he showed too much, but her touch was intoxicating, drugging him.

"Nothing," he spat, "But he's the son of the Head of the Auror Department. And he plans to fight."

Some of the initial terror faded but the sad determination on that white face almost hurt even more. Her great eyes gazed painfully up into his black ones, her chin set as she said softly

"Yes. And so do I."

Snape let out a strangled snarl. He spun round, bony fingers grasping, clutching at her arms, spluttering in his anger and fear.

"You can't! You…I, I won't…You'll die!" he garbled, his grip painfully tight, so frantic he was.

"And you shouldn't care!" Lily flashed back, silencing him instantly.

"I.."

She drew away, her face taut but painfully set, despite the pressure on her lower lip that threatened to split it in two. Lily's eyes were huge and filled with cold, hard brightness, like glittering green gemstones, as she stared back at the last remnants of the boy she'd once known and loved so dearly.

"You were right; I am a Mudblood, and I'm proud to be one. And maybe one day, when we're on opposites sides of the field, you and your _Dark Lord _will see just what a Mudblood can do." the bitterness in her voice bit deep, his pale limbs cringed away, into the shadows.

"Lily…" a soft despairing whimper, it pulled at her heartstrings but she shook her head, choking on the words

"Thank you, for saving him," she lifted her wet gaze, the anger all but gone so that only tears and loss filled the endless green depths. "And thank you for caring still, even though it's not enough."

One final tear dripped up and over to roll down her pale cheek, down to her jaw well it fell silently to stain her shirt.

"Lily, I…I'm sorry…"

The girls head nodded dumbly, but for once the copper strands held no gleam, their fiery light all put out. Severus Snape looked like he himself was fighting not to weep or scream. Instead he stepped back, back into the shadows beside the window, with one last broken whisper as he turned away.

"Your friend, the Dreamer Girl. Tell her I'm sorry too."

For a long minute the words didn't register. When they did Lily looked up with a frown, her lips already open in urgent question, but by the time she found the words, Sev, her oldest friend, her greatest loss, was already gone.

* * *

**Et voila, all done and only two days later than the other. I'm quite pleased lol ^^ Again thanks to Nutmeg44 who provided the idea for the first part. =)**

**Not much else to say than perhaps a dignified pleading to take a look at my other; Lucius and Narcissa fic "Tears of Gold", especially if you like the way I write lol. Maybe even leave a review. ;) There's also a one-shot of Bella and Roldulphus for anyone who's interested. **

**As for this Chapter, I hoped you liked it and as always, whether you did or you didn't TELL ME lol! XD**

**Read and REVIEW! =D**

**Luv ya all**

**Lili**

**X x x x x x x x x x**


	25. Chapter 25

**Hey there all! **

**First things first. THANK YOU for your fabulous, wonderful responses to the question or poll I put up as Chapter 25. It was brilliant that so many of you took the time to answer me and I couldn't be more grateful. =) Now for the results; well in general the "_For_ knowing more about MJ and Henry"s have it. BUT quite a few of them did mention that some info would be better than lots of flashbacks, SO my plan is formed and here it is.**

**There WILL be a certain amount of Henry/MJ MENTIONED in AOA, just as there will be the odd necessary flashback like the one that is to come. And I do mean necessary really. However any other scenes going into more detail about events that are simply mentioned in AOA, will be posted as little one-shots in First Steps. That way they are there to read for those who want to, but won't irritate those who don't. As I said, I enjoy writing about the pair and all of their history is almost completely planned out already. **

**One of these one-shots is up at the same time as this Chapter but it will probably make more sense after reading Chapter 26 six. I'll explain why.**

**Basically this Chapter became so ridiculously long it's been split into two. But to give you an idea it's STILL around 16 000 words! XD Which is basically why this has been taking so long, because most of the OTHER part of Chapter 25 (which will become Chapter 26) is almost done ;) BUT now that I have actually finished this first part I had to put it up to say thank you for everyone waiting on me! **

**As for what I've got in store for you, well obviously some good old James/Lily action. Remember they're still not talking after last Chapter's argument. Sirius will be playing a big part in this chapter too, but a different side of him to normal. **

**Chapter 26 will be up as soon as possible, with the scene I promised that was inspired by **_**missnothing**_**'s review , and we will of course meet for the first time one of my favourite characters in the flesh. ;) No prizes for guessing who. ^^**

**Well, that's about it for now. =) As always, Read, hopefully enjoy and (please please Pleeeease) Review! **

**Luv ya lots!**

**Lili**

**X x x x x x x x x **

* * *

Like most of the towers that decorated the black silhouette of Hogwarts Castle, framed by blue velvet and silver moon, the Dark Tower was aptly named. Empty and forbidding, it stood in the shadow of the taller, more imposing North Tower like a stalker or a bodyguard, slender as a wand and silent as the grave.

In times gone by, the castle's jail had been situated at the very top, a round circlet of cold stone cells that now imprisoned only dust and darkness. The terrace ran around the pinnacle, protected by a waist-high fortification, another perhaps futile deterrent against escape for those desperate enough to sacrifice life in their fight for freedom. In those days the single, iron door would have been held firmly closed by a myriad of charms and enchantments, that only the master of the chateau could break or lift. Five hundred years later, the cells lay open and unoccupied, the black metal door, unlocked and unguarded. The Tower's emptiness was now from choice rather than rule.

Emptiness save the boy perched, head tilted back and legs a-swing, on the grey stone barricade.

The wind and the huge, heart-stopping fall to the shadows below, seemed to take his obvious nonchalance as a challenge; building in determination, it howled and pulled with furious fingers, dragging at the ebony hair and the heavy robes before swirling back in its frustration when the slim figure merely smiled at its efforts. The boy leaned almost tauntingly forward, his black trainers stretching with mischievous deliberateness out over the never-ending darkness.

The moonlight was almost curious as it half-lit the face partially concealed behind the long, twisting strands of blackness. He was familiar this boy and yet not so. Ghostly pale under her gaze, with dark eyes that held a glimmer of mockery, he was also undeniably beautiful. And as if acknowledging the thought, a strange mixture of naivety and bitterness lifted his lips into a smile.

"I see why you like this place. " He sighed almost sweetly, before glancing over his shoulder at the shadow that stood there, silent and motionless.

With a deft movement the boy swung his legs over the wall and slipped gracefully to the ground. The wind, tired and angry at being thwarted, threw itself into battle with new gusto, rushing through the gab between the pair with an unearthly wail. The black school robes looked as though they would be torn from their shoulders, the equally black manes yanked away from their faces with relentless ferocity, so that in the shocked, pale gaze of the moon, the features themselves could be seen to be almost identical.

"What do you want? "

The harshness in the taller youth's tone made the boy wince, but the smile did not waver, however fixed it was. He met the blazing blue fire with grey determination, his voice soft but crystal clear.

"I thought you would want to know. She miscarried. She's at St Mungo's now. "

A pause, a swallow and then

"She's dying. "

* * *

The schedule for Wednesday was probably James' favourite out of the entire week. Double Transfiguration, followed by Charms and then Double Defence Against the Dark Arts, followed by Quidditch Practice, the day could only be called his. James threw his bag moodily on the bed before following it with a huff; it was also a day he was well and truly sick of.

His guilt was undeniable, the provocation undoubtedly strong but, the school idol growled inwardly, this was getting bloody ridiculous!

The four-poster frame creaked in protest as James' fist slammed into the mattress beside him, the bag jumped an inch into the air and banged noisily to the floor. Great. Fucking GREAT.

In typical James fashion, one brown hand unconciously lifted to grab a fist-full of hair, his handsome face screwing up in an attempt to stop the profanities spilling out. Easy; breath, James, Breath! Quidditch practice was in twenty minutes and he'd be dammed if he brought this into training. She could ignore him all she wanted on her own time but any attempt at sulking on his pitch and she'd be off the team before she could say "prat ". That same rule applied equally to him.

A deep sigh of frustration escaped but the fist was finally allowed to fall heavily to his side, concentrating only on inhaling and exhaling. The ruby red hangings covered the oak framework like a tent and someone had had the creative idea of embroiding golden stars on the velvet underside so that staring up towards the ceiling, they twinkled back at him vibrantly. The rich colour was echoed in James' eyes, staring vacantly into nothing as he thought of just how excruciating the day had been.

It didn't seem possible that, before this truce, he had managed to live an entire year without her. It had hurt, it had burned but somehow he had managed it because, quite simply there wasn't any other option. She hated him, she'd betrayed him, she wanted nothing to do with him. What else could he do but grit his teeth and bear it? But now, now he couldn't believe how much it hurt.

James rolled over, burying his face into the duvet, resisting the urge to bang his head in pure frustration. Two days. That was all it had been. Forty-three hours, twenty-seven minutes and approximately nineteen seconds since he'd last touched her, talked to her, seen her smile for HIM. He screwed his eyes shut; as the memory of kissing her sent a new wave of agony and longing through his chest, making him snarl into the pillow and thump the duvet once more.

Two days was nothing. Nothing to the year beforehand, the months of hatred and irrepressible, unsatable need. Yet somehow after only two days it was eating him up inside like acid.

The first day he'd been patient. Guilt, resignation and more guilt weighing down on him like a tonne of bricks so that he bore with her silence and her glares, admitting that they were, he supposed, probably deserved. He'd accepted the punishment and obediently stayed away, eating every meal with the Marauders and remorsefully bowing his head when she scathingly asked whether there was any particular place he wanted to patrol that night. The sarcastic return was held forcefully back, the penitent expression had not been allowed to waver and the hour and a half had passed in slow, almost unbearable silence.

When they'd returned to the Head Dorms he'd wished her a soft "good night " which she'd ignored with a swish of her fiery mane. He hadn't even glared. Instead he'd simply bowed slightly and moved silently to his own room, hesitating at the door for one last look of pure, painful longing before whispering "Sweet Dreams " and leaving her alone.

He'd hoped that the night's reflection would have made a difference, that just maybe she was missing him as much as he was her. The night had been pure torture, long, endless hour after long, endless hour of wanting to feel her, to smell her, to wrap her in his arms and never let her go. The king-sized bed he had always happily sprawled himself on had never felt so horribly empty.

But he was a big boy, and when the morning finally arrived, with it came another wave of guilt and a resolve to prove to her that his brief, undisguised flirting with Carlisle was a mistake he never planned to make again.

James had leapt out of bed over an hour ahead of schedule, eyes burning in a blaze of determination, his typical smirk set jauntily on his lips and he moved with all his usual swagger. A glance at his mirror told him he'd never looked more sexy; his hair in windswept disorder, his tie loose over his exposed neck and collar-bone, his face thankfully bearing no sign whatsoever of his sleepless night. Striding out of his dormitory at seven thirty precisely, he oozed confidence from every pore, bathing in the glow of realisation that today he would show the girl he loved that, no matter how much every other female in the building wanted him, he was well and truly hers.

James growled remembering the fading bliss, the growing confusion and finally the indignation humiliation as the minutes ticked by. He hadn't wanted to believe it, that she could have got up and left over an hour in advance simply to avoid him, it was so ridiculous, so…childish, that until he saw her, at ten to nine laughing with her friends in the Great Hall, it hadn't actually sunk in. When it did, all his earlier good intentions went out the window with a crash.

He could feel her emerald eyes following him as he stalked down the room with not even a glance in her direction, the smirk on his face betraying not a hint of the bitter hurt he was feeling inside. Her gaze was uncertain, even a little apologetic but it didn't even matter anymore. Remus had eyed him curiously, wondering at the apparent reversal of humour but besides a few brief worried looks neither he nor Peter had said anything. Had he been present Sirius probably wouldn't have been so restrained but he'd been strangely absent and so had James' voice of reason.

James had spent those remaining ten minutes before classes making sure that every female in the room was ogling him. He'd lounged in his seat with an athlete's grace, his laugh a low, seductive ripple that had half the room sighing, his grin an enticement to every pretty girl present; the perfect blend of pure sex and cocky charm, he'd had each and every one staring in a daze.

The anger was killing him inside but James wasn't yet at point of doing something he knew he'd later regret. However much her morning stunt had irritated him, when the hordes rushed to the Marauder Space to accompany their idols to class, he was firm in saying a dashing yet definitive "No ". The girls had traipsed away with disappointed looks and seductive pouts but his mind was on one person and one person only. Lily had gathered her things and vanished with her friends without sparing him a glance, her smile stretching from ear to ear, her pretty laugh causing his fists to clench in irritation.

James' eyes burned with a fierce, golden fire as he glared now up at the scarlet canopy in that same lingering frustration. His teeth ground audibly, white and perfect and bared in a snarl as the memory of the Transfiguration lesson stung like a whiplash all over again.

* * *

_Flashback_

_"Today's lesson will be an extension of the stylised conjuring spell you have been working on this week. In turn you will pick three folded pieces of parchment out of this hat, all of which contain the name of a certain animal. You will then have the duration of the lesson to conjure a hybrid mixture of your three creatures, to present when your task is complete or the two hours are up. Speed, imagination and artistry will be taken into consideration when determining your grade. "_

_Lily couldn't hold back the groan. This week was officially turning out to be pure, merciless torture. Resisting the urge to throw the beady-eyed teacher a vicious glare she turned to the girls with a hopeless expression that was echoed on all their faces._

_Alice sighed and picked up her notes, shuffling them resignedly._

_"Well, let's get on with it. "_

_Professor McGonagall's sharp voice made them turn their heads once more towards the front of the room. The black-haired woman's nostrils were flaring dangerously, taking in the looks of despondency of the class with an evil eye. _

_"If it is…necessary, you are permitted to work in pairs. " Sourness laced her tone even as the twenty or so students' faces lifted in sudden hope. McGonagall's lips compressed so tightly she could have been sucking on a lemon as she finished ominously_

_"Each student however who desires to pass this class would be well advised to refrain from cheating. "_

_In unison the Gryffindors and Ravenclaws swallowed nervously, but after a few moments the Transfiguration Teacher decided that she had made her point and marched to stand imperiously beside her desk, the spotless black witch's hat held in her stern hand._

_Immediately the students bustled forward, unwilling to waste one precious minute of the time that each knew from experience, would fly by like lightening. Preferring to avoid the pushing and shoving, Lily turned to Jenny with a pleading expression. _

_"Partner? " Jenny raised her brows teasingly, _

_"I don't know Lils, I kinda want to pass this assignment… " she said, biting her lip in fake apology before allowing the wicked to grin to finally escape as Lily visibly pouted._

_"_Ah la la, " _the French expression was trilled in mocking homage to Alicia,_ "_I suppose if you insist… "_

_"That won't be necessary, Dreamer. "_

_Brown curls and copper bangs swung round in surprise, but the dark, almost sneering expression on James' face didn't waver. He curled his lips slightly at his cousin's hesitant glance between Lily and himself, the look in his eyes a silent warning not to intefere. It was a look Jenny knew of old, one that often bode ill for whoever was stupid enough to cross the rampaging teenager's path but Lily was one of her best friends. Eyeing her cousin warily, she stood her ground, waiting for Lily's answer. She didn't have to wait long._

_"Excuse me? " emerald sparks flew as Lily's hands balled into fists and she fought to keep the words hissed and quiet. _

_Jenny stepped back a pace; the repressed black fire in James' eyes was way too similar to her uncle's for her liking. The smooth mask of his features concealing almost completely the murderous fury inside, the soft drawl that nevertheless bit in it's gentleness, it send a worried chill up her spine._

_"I repeat, 'That won't be necessary' You'll be partnering me for today. " _

_The smooth disdain made Lily grit her teeth in suppressed fury. _

_"Like hell. " she bit out, and a flash of triumph pulled her lips up into a smirk as a muscle quivered lividly in his cheek. For the first time a hint of frustration could be heard in his voice as he glared at her in a mixture of contempt and disbelief._

_"For Merlin's sake Lily, just admit that, like it or not, you need my help on this one. Unless of course you're getting attached to the letter D."_

_The sarcasm was heavy and although she would rather die than show it, the cruel deliberateness of the taunt struck a nerve. Anger and hurt flared painfully in her eyes; did he enjoy making her feel stupid? Did he seriously get off on pointing out her weaknesses. _

_The words had barely left his mouth before regret clouded his gaze. She could see the flicker of guilt, the inward tongue-lashing he was giving himself but right then she was too angry to care._

_"Go fuck yourself Potter. "_

_Jenny winced. Lily snarled. James looked as though she'd physically punched him. Then, with bitter half-laugh and a cruel sneer he turned away, shaking his head in obvious derision._

_"I could. " he paused, contempt twisting both his lips and his velvet voice. He met her green eyes one last time in a smirk, before delivering the knife-blow with agonising precision._

_"But why deny other's the pleasure. "_

_Jenny stared at the floor as his tall, muscled frame sauntered arrogantly away to halt beside one of the Ravenclaw desks. _

_Lily's face was white, her eyes carefully blank as Selena Carlisle turned around in her seat and threw him her biggest smile. For a single second, Lily thought, hoped, prayed that he wouldn't do it…and for that single second he almost didn't. _

_His eyes flashed to hers, molten, smouldering gold, burning her with their intensity, silently daring her to stop him, to say something, do something, anything… taunting her, testing her, pleading with her to just…stop this…pointlessness…_

_But she didn't._

_Lily watched as though in a trance as his beautiful face hardened, his eyes turning dull and derisive. Thick black lashes swept his cheeks as he seemed to brace himself, closing of his emotions from her until all she could feel was anger. Anger and the sting of hurt. _

_She watched as his lids opened once more, the glint in them hard as diamond but the gorgeous trademark smirk curling his lips was breathtaking enough that Carlisle wouldn't see. He bowed with matchless pureblood grace, that same smirk barely curving his mouth in scandalous enticement, taking her flustered hand in his and lifting it to brush her knuckles. Words were spoken, his seductive gaze never leaving the brunette's and Lily's heart clenched silently as a quick flush covered the Ravenclaw's cheeks. _

_Jenny's gaze flickered from her motionless friend to the pair across the room who were now moving to the seats reserved for the Marauders. As Selena sank triumphantly into Sirius' vacant chair the other two boys looked up in bewilderment. _

_Remus' pale face flashed momentarily to the red-head in worry, but a moment later the werewolf's typical composure took over, and he answered the girl's sultry smile if not warmly at least with politeness. Peter simply looked lost, glancing openly from James to Lily with his mouth open in utter confusion, until Remus drew his attention away with a word. _

_Jenny could only stand, eyes on the floor, for once without the mischievous glint, waiting silently for Lily to move. When she finally did, when she finally turned away from the soul-shattering sight and met her friend's sad gaze, Jenny thought she might weep. The red-head forced her lips to smile, her eyes empty and her voice heart-breaking behind its brave, fake enthusiasm._

_"Well, let's go and see what we can pull out of a hat. "_

_End flashback_

* * *

James rolled over and buried his handsome face in the pillow again, cursing bitterly into the fabric. It all seemed so fucking POINTLESS! He was a prat, a git and an arsehole. She was a stupid, stubborn bitch! So why the fuck did he need her so damned badly. Part of him screamed that he was sick of it; sick of the arguing and the glares and worst of all, the ignoring. Sick of watching her smile so damned determinedly! Sick of watching her blatantly forcing herself to laugh and flirt and sick of his damned pride lashing out and making him do the same! Feeling her hurt him, hurting her in return, only to begin the entire shitty cycle!

Was this really worth it…?

James half-sighed half-snorted, staring into the distance. He was just so damned TIRED. Arguing with her…hurt...so badly, exhausted him until all he wanted to do was just shut the world out. Hide from his patheticness. His eyes screwed shut. Hide from the bloody pain.

It didn't work. Even through his closed lids, already she was there.

Her hair glowed like a river of fire, her smile warm and bright enough to outshine the sun. She was glancing over her shoulder at him, her lips mischievously parted, her eyes sparkling in pleasure, so perfect, so clear he could count every tiny freckle, so tangible he could taste her scent on his tongue.

Already his heartbeat was quickening, swallowing as his throat was suddenly dry, his hands trembling with such NEED to touch her, despite the callous voice in his head reminding him that she wasn't there. Wasn't missing him. Wasn't wanting him, wasn't BURNING for him in this mad mixture of agony and bliss.

Was she…?

The beep of his watch going off made him screw his eyes shut one final time and take a deep, steadying breath. James rolled off the bed with a dull, resigned sigh and reached up to yank his tie over his head. The loop of scarlet and gold fell silently, almost mournfully to the floor, followed swiftly by the crumbled shirt. Bare and beautiful from the waist up James hesitated, brown hands hovering on the waistband of his pants, eyeing the leather protective suit in silent debate. Could he be bothered?

A shake of his messy head and James glanced around the room for a simple t-shirt instead and a pair of sweatpants. The black ones lay haphazardly thrown on the chair by the window and he yanked them on distractedly. Ok, it was technically against regulations to play with Bludgers without protection but he wasn't in the mood to care. Who knows, maybe if he got banged up a bit, she might actually bother to look at him. Or not.

His trainers were pulled on a little more ferociously than perhaps called for but other than that and the faint suggestion of gritted teeth, James thought he was doing pretty well at hiding the anger bubbling below the surface. A glance at his watch told him he was running late and with a frown of frustration, his hazel eyes swept around the room for a clean t-shirt that was readily to hand. Nothing. Black brows descended into a glare. In no way in hell was he going to be late because of her!

Then the splash of green caught his attention, vibrant and innocent against the grey stone. James almost laughed, albeit bitterly, and moved across the room to tear it carelessly from where he'd flung it over the corkboard almost a month ago. Maybe it was the despair, mixing oddly with the adrenalin and the bitterness but James was feeling well and truly reckless.

Gold skin gleamed and the defined muscles of his arms and torso quivered and oozed as he pulled the green cotton over his head, the smirk on his lips just a little wild. Yanking it ungently down over his abs, he deliberately didn't look away, staring at the board with an odd glow in his eyes and that same rash smile curling his lips, feeling the pain and longing crash over him like a wave, just as he'd expected and intended it too. After all, the next three hours was going to be torture. Why not start with the masochism now?

The laughed echoed round the room with just a hint of craziness. And when he grabbed his Nimbus and strode nonchalantly to the door, pair after newly exposed pair of bright green eyes followed him as he went.

* * *

"One hundred and Ninety-eight." GASP!

"One hundred and Ninety-Nine." Lily could see tiny black dots flickering before her eyes as she forced her aching stomach-muscles to push her upwards on more time…

"TWO HUNDRED."

Bliss. Sweet, beautiful relief as she collapsed onto the ground, not even caring how her gasping pants were louder than any other person on the teams. All she could concentrate on was the pure exaltation of cool air flowing freely into her lungs as her body lay limp and twitching on the rough tarmac of the pitch.

It took a minute but eventually she summoned the energy to turn her head and open one emerald eye at the girl lying two feet to the right of her. Jenny's face was flushed and her chest heaving equally as hard but the wicked grin was not to be repressed even by complete and utter exhaustion. She was far more used to this than Lily, and it showed as the tiny brunette sat up only a moment later, a feat that Lily was as yet incapable of achieving. Jenny grinned down at her friend's pout, wiping the beads of sweat from her brow.

"It's good for you, Lil's." she panted, too tired to manage a laugh.

The red-head glared back but finally dragged her unwilling body upright as well, groaning as her abs protested forcefully at the movement. The sight of a certain messy-haired prat nearby did nothing to soften her expression. Already standing straight and relaxed, Lily couldn't help but growl under her breath as she noted that his t-shirt, despite moulding to his unfairly distracting body, wasn't even damp. The git was a fresh as a bloody daisy, despite having completed an extra fifty sit-ups whilst the rest of the team were still finishing their third lap of the pitch.

James was eyeing the members of his team with a faint gleam of amusement but in true Captain style he forbore to comment, waiting patiently for them to get to their feet, Karl and Jamie first, then followed by the girls. True to form, Sirius had vaulted upright the moment the last crunch was finished and was now standing like a statue, rigid and unusually tense, his tanzanite irises staring blankly into nothing. The hint of worry crept back, creasing James' brow as he watched his best mate worriedly.

After having been absent all day, it had been a welcome sight to find his brother on the Quidditch Pitch at all, and James had silently breathed out a sigh of relief. But the calm was not long lasting, and ten minutes later the niggle of worry had grown into a large knot in his stomach.

Abstraction was not unusual in his best friend but this level of…coldness, the empty look in those violet eyes, the rigid, blankness of his face, James hadn't seen it in years. It was as the person standing next to him was an empty shell, doing nothing, saying nothing, James wasn't even sure if he was fully with it. Sirius was lost in some deserted polar region of his mind and he, his best mate, didn't have a clue why.

As if in answer to his thoughts, that same shaggy head he was thinking about, turned silently towards him and James could only frown in helpless confusion.

Those mesmerising pools of cobalt blue stared straight through him as if he weren't even there. James' swallowed, holding that empty gaze, trying to force some kind of …anything from them. Any hint as to what was going on. But Sirius didn't even focus. Instead he said in a voice so dead it hurt James to hear it

"What next?"

The team were waiting, the beginnings of curiosity in their gazes that flickered from Captain to Beater, and James mentally shook his head to pull himself together. Pushing thoughts of Sirius out of his mind, at least for now, he forced his typical charming grin onto his face.

"Right. The whole team's been working damn hard these last few practices SO… I thought we'd treat ourselves to a mini-match today, guys."

A cheer went up from the team, and Lily blinked, glancing at Jenny curiously but before she could ask, James was already speaking again.

"WITH a little condition…" his handsome grin was almost obnoxious as the excited chatter broke off abruptly and his team-mates turned to glare at him with distinct suspicion. James' smirk stretched innocently wide.

"It's going to be a left-handed match, and DON'T groan Dreamer." he winked at his cousin's horrified expression. "This is good training for everyone. Saying a Bludger's smashed your right arm ain'tt going to cut it as an excuse anymore."

Jenny's eyes batted dolefully, one hand tapping on her hip and her lips turned down in a heart-breaking pout. James smiled sweetly back, before turning to the slim, dark-haired Irish boy on his left who was suddenly grinning rather cockily.

"Karl, being ambidextrous already, you've got an extra challenge. I want you alternating each hit, left-hand, right-hand. Let it be a lesson not to be smug."

The pale boy's jaw dropped, before rolling his deep blue eyes with a half-hearted huff. Then, abruptly, they narrowed, and a second later Karl had swung round and wacked a grinning Jamie sharply round the head with his Beater's Bat. The burly Keeper wrestled the club easily away from his smaller team-mate when James' amused voice made both boy's turn their heads sheepishly.

"McLaggen…" the sixth year visibly winced, bending his head against the blow he was sure was about to fall, whilst Karl folded his arms in smug anticipation.

"As keeper you have the right to retain usage of both hands."

Jamie's head lifted in a crow of laughter, rubbing his hands together with unholy relish before throwing his muscled bicep around a disgusted Karl's shoulders and poking him teasingly in the cheek. The team had to laugh, James returned the Keeper's wicked smirk with his own before getting back to the matter at hand.

"Jenny, you'll be acting as chaser. Sort out the teams between you," he paused, swallowing infinitesimally before forcing the smirk back onto his features. "Just make sure you and Evans aren't on the same team."

Lily's head swung round from her fixed observance of the tarmac at her feet.

"Why?"

There was a hint of a challenge in her green gaze, her chin mulishly set as she frowned up at him suspiciously. James fought the urge to snap back that she would bloody well do as her Captain told her, but he'd sworn he wouldn't bring any argument into training and damned if she'd make him break his own rule. Taking a deep breath, he turned to face her head on and answered with careful restraint.

"Because we want the teams to be relatively well-balanced. Jenny's not usually a Chaser, and you're the least experienced. Common sense dictates for you two not to be on the same team, don't you think?"

A flush of colour tinged Lily's cheeks at his polite and undeniably logical explanation and she cursed herself inwardly for flaring up. She knew him well enough to know that, however livid he was, James would never jeopardize his precious team by bringing their arguments onto the pitch. She'd been unjust to hint that he would. The red-head swallowed and finally nodded sheepishly.

"Yes Captain."

A flicker of surprise flashed in the said Captain's hazel eyes but Lily's head was still bowed and didn't see. A moment later she felt his toned frame move smoothly away, and his voice, once more sharp and business-like, made her lift her gaze once more.

"Jamie, you know the drill; protect the goalposts from whichever team's in possession. Chasers, have you worked out the teams?"

Jenny glanced at her friend before strutting forward with all her typical, catlike grace. White teeth flashed in a dazzling grin as she threw her arm round Amanda's shoulders, much to the blonde's surprise and barely hidden distaste.

"Come on Mandy, I've had to play with the cocky git since I was old enough to steal his broom. And he ALWAYS hogs the ball." she finished with a soulful look of hurt towards her cousin, who was watching her antics with a grim smile of comprehension.

Jenny's long lashes dipped in a sinful wink the moment Amanda's back was grumpily turned and James sucked on the inside of his mouth, debating whether to thank her later or give her an extra three laps for cheek. As if she read his mind, the brown curls were tossed out of eyes that were glinting with wicked mischief and the diminutive seeker grabbed her broomstick and mounted it with an innocent smile.

James avoided looking at his new designated team-mate, instead clearing his throat and saying to the rest of the team who were patiently waiting

"Karl, you'll be playing beater for Dreamer and Spinnet; Sirius, you'll be on our team." a pause, a hint of frustration, then,

"Sirius!"

With almost insulting slowness, that beautiful black head turned to raised one elegantly curved eyebrow. James' brows lowered in unison, a growl of warning in his voice as he said with careful deliberateness.

"Great, now that you're with us…"

James' kicked open the crate and, with a flick of his wand released one of the Bludger's straining against it's straps in desperation to escape. The team watched it soar upwards before mounting their brooms and preparing for take-off. James lifted his hand, glanced around and yelled…

"GO!"

* * *

"LEFT hand, Dreamer!"

James couldn't repress the grin as Jenny tossed the Quaffle moodily over her shoulder and showed him the finger with her LEFT hand. Lily had to laugh; watching her team-mate snatch the red ball out of the air without difficulty, he could have been left-handed since birth. The sight of Amanda's frustrated pout made her smile stretch even wider, her eyes emerald shards of triumph as she pulled up into a faultless U-turn and soared after her partner.

James could feel her accelerating to max speed in support on his right side and his arm drew back in readiness, waiting for the perfect moment to lob it out towards the right-hand hoop. He could sense the Nimbus gaining with every second; James' teeth grit in concentration; he could almost see her doing the same. Another five meters, three, two,… NOW!

The ball was punched forward with all the whiplash in his straining biceps. Immediately, he pulled his broom up to a complete stop, head turning instinctively to watch her snatch it from it's designed path and pound it into the opposite hoop.

On cue, blaze of fire flashed past him, small white fingers outstretched to snag the Quaffle in mid-flight when suddenly, seemingly out of no-where, a black canon-ball hurtled past and caused Lily to reign in with a yelp of surprise.

The Bludger missed her arm by inches.

The Quaffle fell into Amanda's waiting hand, by James was too furious to care. A glance having assured him that Lily was unharmed, his lived gaze was already seeking out the perpetrator, his expression one ripe for murder.

"BLACK!"

A hundred yards down the pitch, the unmistakable ebony mane turned so that the strands gleamed and danced in the light breeze. James zoomed off down the pitch, leaving the other members of the team waiting with awkward faces and twiddling thumbs. Brilliant a Captain as James Potter was, his temper was enough to turn the most hardened player into a quivering mess.

Sirius' eyes were wide as he approached, flickering with the faintest hint of apology, but even that was already disappearing as James pulled to a standstill three foot away.

"What the FUCK was that, Sirius?"

A muscle clenched in that smooth, chiselled jaw. Violet fire flashed briefly but Sirius' mouth, wisely, stayed closed. James' expression was murderous, one fist clenched around the broom-handle, the other quivering by his side as though forcibly refraining from plating his best mate a sock in the mouth.

"Five Bludgers, mate. FIVE sodding Bludgers you have completely IGNORED in the last sodding twenty minutes! Dammit Sirius, everyone has an off day but this is bloody ridiculous!"

"...My apologies,...Captain."

The words were drawled; James' eyes burned at the blatant disrespect but three years worth of experience made him bite back the blistering reprimand and take a deep, steadying breath.

"Come on, Pads. I need you to work with me here." he said, much more softly, "Whatever it is, we can deal with it later. All four of us, but right now I need some semblance at least of my best Beater!"

For a long moment, James didn't think his words had even registered and Sirius' gaze didn't even lift. Then, just as the anger was beginning to rise once more, that black head turned with a painful sigh, and nodded silently to the wind.

James exhaled in frustration but didn't push it, instead throwing a light punch at his brother's shoulder, light but full of meaning, both silent warning and reassurance. Then he gripped his Nimbus and soared back to the other end of the pitch, a wave of his hand indicating for the rest of the Team to draw near.

They were worried, disconcerted by this unprecedented behaviour by the member of the team who was known to be one-hundred percent reliable. In almost six years, Sirius had never once allowed his cool, impersonal, impenetrable calm to publicly falter. Insults, swearing, catcalling or cheating; it left the Black prodigy outwardly unmoved and only served to somehow improve both his deadly accuracy and his cold-blooded power. To see the school Casanova distracted and unfocused as newbie, it made the entire team bite their lips with nervousness.

James paused for a moment; should he say something about Sirius' abstraction, make up a reason? Or should he just ignore it. Almost instantly James' shook his head. He wasn't going to get rumours going that would be as false as they were stupid. Instead the Captain turned to Karl, whose thin face was still pale and wary.

"Quigley, it wasn't your fault. You've been playing brilliantly; just like in a real match, you can't blame yourself for the opposing Beater's inattentiveness." the worried expression was replaced by a quick, grateful grin, which James widely returned.

"Come on, people. Give me another fifteen minutes of your best and I'll let you go." the team cheered and James nodded encouragingly. He lifted his hand, threw one last look around and dropped it. Immediately the game was back on.

The minutes passed like a blur, the goals accumulating rapidly for both teams despite Jamie saving one in every two. James grinned as Lily soared by hand raised and they triumphantly high-fived at yet another ten points to their score. Somewhere in his chest, his heart was thumping frantically. It was like the argument had never happened. Her smile sparkled like sunbeams on the lake, he couldn't help but wink devilishly back, his spirits soaring once more as she laughed and shook her head merrily. Then Jamie launched the Quaffle back into the pitch and they were off once more.

Jenny caught it, her pink pointed tongue slipping out to waggle tauntingly at him as her tiny frame zoomed up and out of reach. James growled at the challenge and took off after her, knowing that Lily would already be harassing Amanda, delaying her as long as possible.

The Bludger hurtled out of now-where forcing him to roll over completely on his broomstick in order to avoid and Jenny took advantage of his distraction to escape with a crow of victory. James swore and tore off down the pitch after her, mentally cursing his best mate with every swearword under the sun. Instinctively he glanced around, searching for Lily to indicate the game plan when suddenly his blood ran cold.

"Lily!"

Her name was torn from his lips before he could stop it. Her head turned with a flash of copper, emerald eyes huge at the sight of the black ball tearing towards her. Too fast for her to turn though she tried, too close for her to dodge. She knew it as well as he did, her eyes screwed up tight in readiness for the pain. Jenny's cry ripped through his mind, Amanda's gasp…

"THWACK!"

The Beater's club soared through the air and smashed into the Bludger a second before it crushed the girl's averted skull.

The bat shattered into a thousand pieces, splinters of wood flying everywhere before falling unnoticed to the ground. The cannonball was knocked a hundred yards off course, hissing angrily as it changed direction but Karl was already there to beat it back again. James could only close his eyes in relief, forcing himself to breath in and out, before finally Captain's instinct took over.

Lily's heart was thudding like a drum as the reality of how close she had been to being very badly hurt took over. Wordlessly she stared towards the beautiful boy hovering over fifty feet away, his hands now empty, his face wracked with pain and guilt and overpowering relief. Past arguments were forgotten. All at once she needed to reassure him, to wipe that haunted look from his violet eyes, tell him she was fine, it didn't matter, not to worry…

But a tight, furious yell brought her head spinning round and she obeyed the Captains command, as did the rest of the team, instantly. Seven players swooped to land, their faces pale, for most of them with fear; in their Captain's case with white-hot anger. Lily couldn't help but swallow; the tension in the air making her skin crawl, the look in James' eyes black enough to send shivers down her spine.

He turned, furious and graceful as a god and the team winced at the tirade they expected to explode from his lips. But when he spoke, James' voice was rigidly controlled.

"I think we can call Practice over." he bit out, soft and succinctly, and the rest of the team silently nodded. Shaking slightly from anger he moved to look at each of them in turn, still carefully restrained.

"Amanda, you played well. Just watch how you shift your weight when you aim with your left hand. It gives away your intentions." he took a deep, steadying breath.

"Jamie, great game. But next time I see you get distracted by Dreamer's smile, it'll mean five laps and I don't mean on a broomstick." Jamie coughed sheepishly but for once didn't smirk.

"Jenny, clever use of diversionary tactics, though I doubt that in a game against Slytherin they'll work quite so effectively." Jenny smiled weakly, "But you did pretty well once you stopped kicking up a fuss. Good job." .

Lily wasn't listening, her eyes were fixed on Sirius' mask-like face and without thinking she'd moved to stand by his side and lay a hand worriedly on his muscled forearm.

His dark blue gaze flashed to hers, darker, colder and more bitter than she'd ever seen it, and suddenly, to her shock he wrenched himself from her grip, words blistering on his lips that made her cringe away

"Don't touch me!"

The burning resentment in his eyes hit her for six, her mouth dropped open in hurt but still he hissed at her, the words and the tone lashing like whips.

"Don't pretend you're worried about me now." his half-laugh was bitter. "After ignoring me for two day's I hardly think I warrant that pale-as-death act!"

His full cupid's bow lips twisted into a cruel snarl as her face turned pale with shock. He stepped back, almost spitting his final blows at her

"Quit the theatrics and just fucking leave me alone!"

James had turned to give the red-head her praise and critique but the acid blows from his brother's lips made his jaw drop. Before he could say a word Sirius had mounted his broom, kicked off from the ground and was soaring away towards the castle.

The team stared, open-mouthed. Lily's face was white as a sheet, convulsed in pain and guilt and it was that that finally brought James to his senses.

"Practise OVER!" He said loudly, jabbing his finger towards the changing rooms with a look on his face that promised bloody murder to anyone who dared disobey.

Only one person did not see it; her eyes were lowered to her small white hands that trembled in the dying sunlight. As the rest of the team scuttled away, James' hand came up to run through his unruly hair, the only outward sign of nervousness as he hesitated, swallowed and finally crept silently to her side.

"Lils…?"

The name on his lips felt almost foreign, unused for the past two days, and it came out slightly mumbled. She didn't answer. James cleared his dry throat and tried again, brown fingers reaching out to graze her forearm warily. She didn't turn but her chest heaved slowly as she let out a painful breath and he could smell the waves of guilt pouring of her, bitter and acrid. It made him wince.

"He didn't mean it." he murmured, his other hand lifting so that he held both her shoulders in the lightest of grips. "He hasn't resented you for it. This isn't him talking."

He could feel the ripple of hope shudder through her entire body; suddenly it struck him how unearthly silent the pitch was, cold and empty save the swish of the breeze that pulled at their hair and chilled the skin. Her closeness was intoxicating, worry was his primary emotion but underneath it was the growing realisation that he hadn't been this close to her since the moment they'd turned into the forbidden corridor Monday night.

The soft comforting motion of running his hands down her arms was all at once the sweetest of tortures. He wanted to reassure her, to hold her and wipe the stricken look from her pale face. Touch her, soothe her, kiss away the frown and replace it with her most dazzling of smiles but the other part of him, the honourable half screamed at him that he would be taking terrible advantage of her hurt.

Lost and lonely as she was, she wouldn't push him away, she would welcome the comfort as a kindness she needed badly, but he would know, the little voice in his brain would taunt him with the truth. It was pure selfishness; she'd thank him and cling to him silently and he be nothing but the purest of hypocrites. He couldn't do it.

So James didn't move, and as the seconds ticked by the atmosphere changed. Her head lifted and shook slightly, as though chiding herself for her weakness. The moment where she would have welcomed his embrace passed, and all too soon she turned around, chin set and gaze determined, and James let his arms drop painfully to his side.

"I'm fine. Hurry, he'll be wondering where you are."

He couldn't deny it, and so with one last look that seared her to the soul, James picked up his Nimbus and mounted it.

"If I'm not back before patrol, don't go on your own. I'll make our apologies tomorrow so you won't be blamed."

His hair tangled and danced in the wind, the worry in his eyes sincere enough to make her heart ache with longing but she couldn't be selfish; she'd held him here too long already and Sirius, her darling, he needed his best friend now. Lily forced her lips upwards into a weak smile and nodded, silently thanking him for being there despite everything that had happened that week.

The look in his eyes was undecipherable; dark and scorching with some burning emotion that she couldn't place. Then, quick as lightening his hand shot out, her breath caught, and gold fingers ran down her cheek leaving it tingling as they passed. But before she had time to do more than close her eyes in bliss, his muscular thighs kicked off from the ground and he was gone, soaring up and over the pitch in a blur faster than the eye could follow.

When he was long out of sight, Lily's hand slipped from her flushed skin and fell to her side, before picking up her broom and turning towards the Gryffindor changing rooms.

* * *

As the sun set over Hogwarts grounds, a black shadow cut across the scarlet and gold rays like an arrow. Purposefully and recklessly it flew, speed favoured of safety so that barely four minutes after leaving the Quidditch Pitch, James came to ninety-degree dive to land perfectly on the pinnacle of the Dark Tower.

The Nimbus was dropped to the ground without a thought, as the boy's seething gaze snapped back and forth across the stones, searching the shadows for the unmistakable black mane. When he saw it, a hiss of both annoyance and relief escaped through his gritted teeth.

Sirius didn't raise his head as his brother strode relentlessly towards him and planted himself, arms folded, right in the path of his unseeing gaze.

"Right; Out with it! What the fuck has got you so worked up that you're even taking it out on _her_?"

No answer. James growled, perfect teeth grinding together in frustration. Then his jaw set, his eyes hardened and he spun on his heels and marched over to where Sirius' broom lay, summarily discarded. In a sharp, lithe motion, James picked up the Cleansweep and, before Sirius could even blink, lifted it in the air and brought it down onto his best mates head with a resounding CRACK.

"FUCKING HELL PRONGS!"

James stared unmoved as the other boy leapt to his feet in fury, one hand clutching his ebony head, the other clenched into a fist that quivered on the point of slamming into his friend's face in retaliation.

That cold hazel gaze never wavered, muscled arms regaining their former position over his broad chest. Sirius glared into his brother's impassive face for a long minute before finally, with a bitter huff, throwing himself back onto the hard stone beneath him.

"Dammit Prongs, that hurt!"

"It was meant to."

Sirius growled dog-like under his breath, unusually pointed canines gleaming in the last hint of daylight. James didn't flinch, instead leaning against the wall of the prison and slipping down it silently to his friend's side. They sat there for a moment, both simply testing the atmosphere, both unsure of where to start, one rigidly upright, the other sprawling with all his natural arrogance against the stone.

It was Sirius who eventually broke the silence, in a voice empty as it echoed softly through the twilight.

"I shouldn't of blown up at her."

Silence, then

"No."

The brief uncompromising syllable dragged a half-laugh from Sirius' lips.

"I don't even why I did. It wasn't her fault."

"What's happened?" the question was posed without accusation or reproach yet there was a firmness behind it that demanded an answer, an explanation for the stupidity. Sirius was silent for a moment, before finally a whisper was torn from his throat.

"I spoke to Regulus."

Beside him, James' entire posture tensed. His eyes widened, still staring at the cracks that covered the grey slabs like spider's webs. Sirius continued in that same hoarse, emotionless tone.

"She's in hospital. She miscarried. They think…they don't know if she'll make it."

James eyes tightly closed.

"Shit."

The breeze picked up, dragging through the two boy's hair, pulling at the matching black strands and raising Goosebumps on smooth brown skin. The last blaze of red dipped below the dark line of the horizon, as the sun finally set and only the rich scarlet and gold glow remained to dye the sky that seemed to go on forever.

James leaned back, lids still shut again the rush of emotions, feeing the October air on his face, listening the sounds of rustling leaves that carried from the Forbidden Forest to his sensitive ears. In truth he didn't know what to think, let alone say, and so he stayed silent, waiting for the turmoil in his head to lesson before attempting to provide the words of reassurance they both needed.

Then, to his surprise, his brother beat him to it, still in that same empty tone but he could hear the fear behind it, the silent cry of a lost boy.

"I don't know what to feel, Prongs."

Bitterness took hold, making the words bite and hurt.

"I loathe that vile excuse for the word family. I would see them all burn in hell, without a second thought! They're not my blood, not my kin, NOTHING! They're DEAD to me!"

James said nothing and Sirius' voice seem to catch.

"But she saved me. And that means something, Prongs. But I don't have a clue what."

For the first time, Sirius turned his shaggy head and looked, really looked into his best mate's eyes. Those purple black orbs were wracked with so many emotions; confusion, guilt, worry and a defensive, instinctive hatred all fighting for dominance. It hurt for his brother to see.

"I don't miss her. I don't feel affection or trust, I don't even know if I can truthfully say I feel gratitude. I feel hatred and betrayal for them all!"

He paused, holding back the rage, before breathing out carefully through his perfect teeth. His brown fingers were balled into white-knuckled fists at his side, fires of the Black madness flickering in his haunted gaze as he whispered almost brokenly

"But most of all…I feel guilt."

"You have nothing to feel guilty about."

The response was immediate and sincere.

"I should have taken her with me." the words were wracked with a long-concealed agony. James' black brows descended as he answered, sharp and intense.

"She wouldn't have come."

"I should have forced her."

James' eyes glowed like red-hot coals in the growing darkness, scorching into the other's boy's perfect features. He wouldn't let Sirius tear himself to pieces over this. But he already was; it was plain to see in that forget-me-not blue gaze, broken and shattered and filled with self-loathing. James grabbed his brother's shoulders and yanked him unmercifully round to face him.

"Then you would be no better than them!"

Madness and guilt swirled in those dark pools of blue, and James' grip tightened instinctively. Sirius' voice was laced with hysteria, his legendary control breaking so that the emotions couldn't but spill out to the night.

"She wanted freedom Prongs! I knew it, could see it every time he used that damn contract against her! Every time he broke her into pieces! And now his THING is killing her! She risked everything, James, to give me what she couldn't have! What she yearned for so badly! But I couldn't do the same…"

James' own voice shook as he threw words straight back, forcing his brother to meet his gaze, forcing him to listen and hear and let go.

"Because she wanted him more! Padfoot, dammit look at me! " His brown fists shook the other boy's shoulders, desperate frustration making the words lash and bite more harshly that originally intended.

"She did want her freedom; I remember when she told me, when she whispered it..._that_ night. But things changed. She changed! She did the one thing she knew she mustn't do!" Sirius's beautiful face convulsed in loathing at what was coming but James was relentless.

"She fell in love with him. And once that had happened, there was nothing in the world that you could do!"

Sirius tore out the grip that restrained him, jaw clenching in a new wave of fury.

"She's dying. Dying because of him!"

Suddenly they were both on their feet, two shadows hurling words at each other in the darkness and the first glimmerings of moonlight. James set his teeth, refusing to let his temper get the better of him.

"He won't let her."

Sirius' laugh shook the night; twisted, frenzied and mad enough to send chills down the spine.

"Why?" the sickly mockery stung like a whiplash, the ghastly excuse for a smile still on his lips "because he CARES about her?"

The silence was heavy with meaning and in an instant Sirius spun round, violet eyes wide in shock and disbelief.

"You think he does! " the words were a furious accusation, lips drawn back in a silent snarl. James took a deep breath and said carefully

"I think he… "

Sirius' eyes flashed as he cut his brother off with a low, fuming growl.

"Don't you say that he loves her! Don't you DARE say that that BASTARD feels love…! "

James didn't look away, holding that seething gaze relentlessly, breathing slow and deep as he replied

"He didn't give her away, Padfoot, even after what she did. He kept the secret and he married her anyway. "

Sirius spun on his heel and marched lithely to grip the stone barricade with his hands, his icily pronounced words thrown out into the bottomless darkness.

"He thinks of her as his toy, his property. "

James watched the silhouette of his brother shudder with distaste, the tension in his posture obvious even in the faint glow of the rising moon. He nodded slowly but regretfully.

"Almost definitely. But he won't let anyone touch what he considers his. Not even death, I don't think. " he said softly, knowing his brother's canine ears would pick the words out of the mournful wail of the wind.

Sirius didn't turn around. He stared out over the huge, endless blackness, the shadowy outline of the castle and the silver sweep of the grounds below. Some of the madness had left but the bitterness was still there, tight and painful as the words were torn unwillingly from his smooth brown throat.

"He'll warp her Prongs. He'll change her and twist her until there's nothing left. He'll turn her into one of them! He'll turn her into HER! " his voice rose to finish on a heartbreaking cry. James winced but took a slow, wary step closer, for once his hazel eyes a dull, empty brown.

"You can't blame yourself for that. " he stated softly. Sirius made no answer so he continued, more firmly now, willing his brother to listen.

"In the end, she made her own choices. She did what she felt was the best she could do. For herself and for her family. At the end of the day, that's all any of us can do. "

James drew level with the silent figure staring like a ghost up at the blanket of stars just beginning to appear. Constellations that were so horribly familiar, they seemed to twinkle tauntingly down at the pair. Sirius' gaze refused to soften, the purple fire flickered defiantly in their depths but at long last James felt the excruciating tension slowly drain out of his shaking frame. Still he waited, shoulder to shoulder as he knew he always would be, a silent tower of strength as the last of the strain and the rigidity finally faded.

The two brothers stood there in the moonlight, the minutes slipping smoothly and silently into the night, neither of them moving, neither of them speaking, two halves of the same being simply making the other one whole. Then eventually, Sirius whispered to the darkness.

"I never thanked her. "

Neither gaze left its silent contemplation of the silver mirror of the lake.

"If she lives, maybe you should. "

A pause, as the words were digested and accepted.

"And if she doesn't? "

James gripped the stone fortification until his knuckles turned white, and for the first time since they'd started his own voice turned blazingly fierce.

"We beat the shit out of him, side by side! "

For a moment adrenalin tingled in the air, determination, rage, promise and brotherhood lifting both chins and setting both jaws. Then, almost as a reluctant afterthought James added

"Until we get arrested and hauled off Azkaban by Dad. "

* * *

For Lily, Thursday passed horribly slowly.

As predicted, James hadn't returned to the Head Dormitories after Quidditch Practise and Lily had spent a sleepless night worrying about the two boys she cared about most in the world. Her previous anger was still there but greater still was the overwhelming feel of guilt Sirius' words had inspired.

He was right; she had been hypocritical, ignoring the pair for two days straight and then waltzing up to him as though the argument had never happened. She couldn't blame him for lashing out at her. And James hadn't even done that. Instead he'd stayed by her side until she let him go, comforting her and reassuring her and temporarily easing the waves of culpability.

The day had dragged by like some kind of mental torture. Lily had leapt out of bed at seven o clock precisely, pale and gaunt from lack of rest of filled with a burning determination to apologise to both dark-haired boys. With this plan in mind she had sat, crumpling her skirt between nervous fingers at the Gryffindor Table, almost three quarters of an hour earlier than most. Nausea twisted her stomach, the eggs and bacon she usually dug into with gusto now physically repulsed her; all she wanted was to see them, see them and talk to them and put this entire mess behind them. It no longer mattered that they hadn't apologised; all she wanted was to have them back.

But when the four boy's marched into the Great Hall at half past eight, one look at their faces kept her frozen in her seat.

The Marauders had gone into lockdown. Every hopeful glance was ignored, every smile brushed off like an insult unworthy of anything but contempt. All four members of the famous clique kept their unusually impassive gaze fixed on the Marauder Space, the aura of darkness surrounding them warning enough to any foolish bimbo not to make the mistake of following. They sat in silence, ate in silence and finally just as the bell rung, they rose in perfect unison and strode out of the room without uttering a single word.

For the entire day, hushed voices and worried looks followed the foursome wherever they went. The teachers were startled at this sudden unexplained attentiveness to their lessons, whilst girls wept in devastation as their idols marched past them without a second glance. Not one moment were they apart, never more than two foot away, never out of touching distance. The school watched stunned as the life itself seemed to have seeped out of Hogwarts Castle.

Lunch went by the same way as breakfast, dinner the same way as lunch. The invisible barrier erected around the group was so strong, so unbreakable that after third period not even the most hopeful of fans carried on the attempts of regaining their heroes' favour. The Marauders had shut the world out, all their attention focused on themselves and whatever it was that had made them retreat from the rest of the student body. Rarely speaking, it was as thought they needed no words to communicate; a nod here, a glance there and they moved about their business as a single entity.

Plainly and uncompromisingly shut out, sitting on the leather couch in the Head Dormitories after dinner, Lily had never felt quite so alone.

Her knees were drawn up under her pointed chin, her eyes glazed and unseeing as she sat in silence, staring into the roaring flames. They danced and crackled cheerily nestled within the arch of sandstone, but the red-head on the sofa was too wrapped up in her own thoughts to find either comfort or mockery in their merry movement.

Half of her wondered whether he would come back that night either. It seemed unlikely. The Marauders had withdrawn from the rest of the world to protect and comfort their own. Lily couldn't quite repress the sigh that escaped, painful and just a little envious.

It was times like these that brought home to her how much James was never quite completely hers. Even growing up, watching him mature into the man he had become, he had always seemed more than just "James". More than a single person. A part in fact of some bigger, vaster ensemble. Sirius was the same. However much they loved her, however much they would sacrifice for that love, there was another bond there, one that somehow she knew, even if she wanted too, she could never fully sever.

She didn't; she would rather die than see the pair loose such a huge part of themselves; it would kill them both. But some part of her mourned the realisation that there would always be some tiny piece of his heart that would belong somewhere else. The knowledge that even if, in some far-distant future, they were happy and together and content, there would still be that tiny part of him that would ever be running free over the grounds of Hogwarts, the other three Marauders at his side.

It was a truth that, looking back now, she realised, had always been there, silent and hidden in the back of her mind. And yes, in a small insignificant way, she was aware that it hurt, just a little, just as she was aware that that same truth would never go away. He would always, in some secret place, yearn for the days when the Marauders were simply that. Four friends, four brothers who lived only for themselves and their pleasure.

Stepping into that world, trying to carve a place in it, it had scared her from the moment she had realised just how hard and how fast she was falling for him. Later on, the other three would settle and find their own soul mates, further easing the foursome apart. But for now, she was the only one, the catalyst, the reminder that one day, all too soon, playtime would be over. School would be out, childhood would come to a close and life would end as the Marauders knew it.

Part of her wondered if they resented her for heralding the bittersweet reality. Whether they secretly wanted her gone, wanted James to turn back into the boy they knew. Or if perhaps it hadn't yet fully dawned on them just how much things were changing. Remus' sad smile flashed in her mind. Sirius' rueful, almost wistful grin. No. They felt it too, but they were strong, and they loved their brother too well, too completely to begrudge his being the first Marauder to loosen the knot.

Dark red lashes brushed the white skin beneath them as the delicate lids closed in silent apology to both her friends. Sorry, her lips whispered soundlessly. For taking part of something which has always been yours, for secretly wanting all of him, for taking that dominant chunk of his heart regardless.

Her chest rose and fell, the air tingling around her as the silence endured, oppressive and unforgiving. Seconds ticking by too slowly, it seemed as though her watch must be cheating her; surely twenty minutes couldn't stretch so unbearably long.

And then, just as the Castle clock chimed the ninth hour, the sound she had been straining to hear echoed softly down the corridor from the portrait hole. The sound of the painting swinging open on creaking hinges.

Her head spun round in a flash of copper, heart thudding like a drum in her breast because it could only be him; no one else knew the password for one thing, but more importantly, she would recognise that strong, arrogant step anywhere.

Sure enough, a second later, that shock of thick unruly black hair emerged from the entrance, bent slightly forward as brown hands rubbed a tired neck, his groan audible even at this distance.

Lily felt a strange lump creep up her throat, and - she could have laughed at the irony - preventing her from speaking when she finally knew the words to say. But it caught and gagged her and left her mute, huge green eyes staring at him from over the back of the couch, waiting paralysed for the moment when he would see her; when he would lift that handsome head.

Then, finally, when she felt like her chest would burst in anticipation, he did so, taking in the Common Room in swift searing glance before fixing those glowing orbs on her face, his tiredness instantly vanished.

For a moment neither one moved. The air hung with so many things to say, too many that had been left unsaid for far too long. Electricity crackled from their fingertips, nervous and unsure, both silently wondering where to begin and how to finish this pointless impasse. Then his hand moved, long fingers reaching up to rumple his hair awkwardly, clearing his throat as though it had suddenly become quite dry.

"He's alright. Sirius, I mean. He feels bad. But I'll let him make his own apologies; he doesn't get enough practice at them."

The grin was weak, more hopeful than humorous and Lily could only swallow and nod back. It slid off his face, he blinked once, twice, tufts of hair being fisted now in his stressed grip, before stealing another glance at her pale figure.

Lily's eyes darted nervously around the room, searching for anything that would keep her attention away from his face. She swallowed again, so loudly she found herself wondering wildly if he'd heard it. A deep breath helped; she knew it was her turn to try, to force out something that would hopefully break the leaden heaviness of the atmosphere.

"I made our excuses to McGonagall. About last nights patrol." her eyes briefly skimmed over his face before ducking uneasily once more to her shoes. She had been going for a jaunty tone and a friendly smile; his expression indicated both must have come out rather mangled.

"Right. Thank you, I totally forgot. We…maybe we should get going a little early then, on tonight's I mean." he said, trying for a similar lightness of tone and succeeding rather better. He'd always been better at this than her.

The girl nodded blindly and grabbed her robes from the arm of the couch where they been haphazardly discarded, before jumping to her feet and crossing the room to his side. Her gaze never strayed from the floor and neither did his as she drew level.

The pair took a step towards the corridor, when suddenly, both of them swung round to face the other in unison.

"James, I…"

"Listen, Lils. I reall…"

They broke off abruptly, the girl's cheeks flushed pink, the boy's tinged with the barest hint of colour. They stood face to face, neither of the meeting the other's eyes, both of them struggling awkwardly to continue the words that the other had interrupted. Eventually it was James who moved, a small half-laugh fighting free from his lips and Lily peeped up at him through her lashes in astonishment.

"This is bloody ridiculous, look I'll go first," he took a deep breath and finally locked his gaze to hers, glowing and gold and achingly beautiful in their sincerity.

"I'm sorry. For the thing with Carlisle, for aiding and abetting Sirius, for all the DUMB things I've done in the last two days. Really, I am. Since that evening, everything's just been…stupid. Flirting with those girls, trying deliberately to hurt you like that, it was childish and pathetic and…damn it, Lils I'm sorry! And I really…really need you to forgive me because _this_…this silent treatment…it's bloody killing me."

His fists were clenched at his sides, his eyes never left her face, his entire expression so heartfelt, so pleading that already her head was shaking in regret.

"No! We were both stupid. I shouldn't have let Carlisle wind me up. You didn't even DO anything for Merlin's sake!"

Her expression was so anguished it drew a laugh from him, a lighter warmer laugh than had been heard from him in days.

"Well, apart from encouraging my best mate to commit unholy acts on the school property." he said with the beginnings of his trademark smirk curling his lips. Lily's brows snapped down into admonitory glare.

"Yes, you did do THAT."

"But he would have done exactly the same without my help." James took the opportunity to point out hastily, inching closer to her tiny frame even as she was distracted.

Lily lifted one eyebrow at him, and James bit back the cocky grin as another step forward took him closer still.

Her eyes suddenly widened, realising what he was doing but it was too late; the wall was at her back and his deliciously toned chest was only centimetres away. And after three days of ogling him longingly from a distance, her self-control was in serious trouble.

In one last ditch attempt, she forced out through heavy breaths,

"Disclaiming all responsibility? How very _Marauder_-ish!"

His fingers were at her chin, tilting it teasingly upwards and his eyes, gleaming down into hers, were alight with laughter.

"For you Lils, guilty as charged."

His mouth descended, hers reached upwards to meet it in pure burning need. His muscular frame pressed every delicious inch of her up against the stone wall, hands roaming in fierce possessive longing, desire that had been repressed for too long set their skin ablaze. Lily gasped as his hands slipped under her shirt without hesitation, his lips never leaving hers as a moan of pure pleasure slipped out at the feel of his fingers skimming over the edges of her bra. Tongues mingled and clashed in a battle of bliss and heat and almost painful feeling of finally coming home. This was where she belonged, here clasped so tightly in his arms that she couldn't breath, her form welded to his so completely that she could never escape. As if she wanted to.

He broke away with a gasp, wrenching back to stare down into her slightly hazy gaze, his irrepressible smirk earning him an embarrassed punch in the shoulder and a terribly alluring pout.

"Patrols." he offered, the cocky grin not quite leaving his face. Lily gaped at him in bewilderment.

"We don't have to start patrolling till ten."

"Yeah, well…you couldn't wait to be off just a minute ago." he threw her a wide-eyed innocent smile, so identical to Jenny's that Lily almost blinked. Then the glare returned, fingers reaching up purposefully to grip the collar of his shirt as she said with a distinct edge to her tone.

"Ten minutes ago we weren't speaking."

"Well, TECHNICALLY we're still not…"

Lily cut him off with a growl of frustration. Her fingers reached round the back of his neck as she promptly yanked his head down and fastened his lips to hers.

It seemed she'd won. James' body responded instinctively, his tongue reaching out to caress her lower lip before plunging deep enough into her mouth to draw a moan of ecstasy from her. Her hands were running through the silken strands of his hair, caressing the back of his neck and pulling her closer to him than seemed humanely possible. Through the cotton of his shirt she could feel his heart pounding, there was a distinct hardness pressing against her lower abdomen and with a mischievous smile she drew back and twinkled naughtily up at him.

He returned the look of obvious enticement with a sigh somewhere between rueful amusement and frustration.

"You really find this funny don't you; watching me suffer whilst trying desperately to remember my upbringing as a gentleman."

His tone was accusing, his full, swollen lips pouting in exasperation as she ran her hands distractingly over the muscles straining through his shirt.

"Hmm…" she smiled sweetly, "Maybe."

James bit back the growl as her hands slipped sneakily under the cotton to glide teasingly over the rock-hard planes of his abs. The little minx would be the death of him and in a last-ditch attempt to regain control, he forced out through gritted teeth.

"How about we talk about this." her eyes narrowed, unimpressed. "In my room?" he hastily added.

All at once the frown disappeared, leaving only a blithe, innocent smile as she removed her hands from his torso to lace their fingers together. Breathing out deeply in relief, James allowed her to lead him towards his own dormitories, fighting back the irrepressible cocky smirk as she skipped eagerly ahead.

The door was shut behind them and Lily immediately leaned up greedily, but the triumphant sparkle in her eyes vanished abruptly as James caught her wrists and held her laughingly away from him.

"Talking, Lils! It tends to help to have our mouths free."

The redhead's pretty mouth in question fell open.

"You're actually serious about this!" she realised, stunned. James grinned devilishly back.

"Just a little extra motivation to forgive me." his eyes danced with pure mischief as he dropped her wrists to fold his arms across his chest, the action as obnoxiously mocking as his stupid grin.

"Changed man you wanted, changed man you'll get." his smirk broke free as she glared up into his face. "So no making out with anyone other than my official girlfriend."

Lily's eyes narrowed, her jaw setting just as stubbornly as his.

"You're not going to kiss me until I agree to go out with you?" the words lilted with deceptive sweetness. James couldn't resist winking back.

"Ah but there's kissing and _kissing. _I'm still a single man, and there's no law against stealing a quick snog here and there if the female is willing. _However," _he cut of her fierce retort and sidled closer, that impudent grin never leaving his lips.

"However, gentlemen that I am," Lily snorted. "Anything further than First Base is strictly off-limits except, of course…"

Lily sucked on the inside of her mouth, fixing him with such a look of loathing it would have had most people shaking in their shoes.

"Except with your girlfriend."

James' smile was the picture of innocence.

"Precisely."

Lily finally gave up controlling her emotions and stamped her foot in temper. She swung round, copper bangs flying, so that her back was towards him, teeth gritted as the git only laughed. Her entire body turned rigid as those gorgeous arms slipped sneakily round her waist and with considerable difficulty, she refrained from elbowing him sharply where the sun don't shine. His muscular chest was shaking against her back, as his lips and his deep velvet chuckles crept over her shoulder to caress her ear.

"Have I ever told you how seriously HOT you look when you stamp that foot of yours?"

The rich chocolately tones were almost her undoing, melting her resolve so that before she knew it she leaning into him, her scowl gradually fading into an expression of bliss. But the sudden return of the heat in her lower body reminded her exactly how low the git was hitting, and spurred on by frustration she pushed him away with huff, deliberately tossing her head so that her hair hit him in the face.

Ignoring his ripple of laughter, she marched tempestuously to the other side of the room, arms determinedly folded, eyes snapping, when suddenly an item on the wall caught her attention.

The corkboard was hung so that only with the door closed could one actually see it. Lily remembered that from the first time she'd walked in here, the time when… Lily pushed the image of James in nothing but a towel, out of her mind with a gulp. Stubbornly she forced her reluctant brain to concentrate, trying to remember what was different about it when finally, the green t-shirt lying on the floor made her eyes widen in comprehension.

Of course! He'd been wearing it the day before, she thought, throwing a quick glance at the Head Boy before she could stop herself. He smirked arrogantly back, enjoying her tantrum and she turned around with a huff. The t-shirt had been thrown over the top left-hand corner. She'd wondered at it at the time, wondered what he wanted to hide but then that god-like body had flaunted itself in front of her and all other thoughts had been thrown summarily out the window.

Curiosity overwhelmed her, and before James had time to protest she had stepped across to stand directly in front of the board, perusing it eagerly even as he leapt forward to block her view.

He paused as she raised one eyebrow haughtily at him, one hand reaching up to rumple his hair. He was nervous and the thought made her heart soften; the action that had so often irritated her in the past, suddenly seemed adorable now that she knew the reason for it. The uncomfortable expression on his beautiful face finally dragged a reluctant smile out of her and Lily took a small step back, asking for permission. Finally he sighed.

"Come here."

She beamed as he pulled her back against his chest close enough to look her fill, wrapping his arms snugly round her waist and resting his stubbled chin on her shoulder. The contact made Lily sigh with pleasure and her hand came round to tuck behind his back, holding him tightly as she took in the contents of the board with a slightly awed smile.

The entire right hand side was dedicated to the Marauders. Thirty or so Sirius', Remus' and Peters, waved and grinned at her from every school year. Sneakily taken in class, flying on the Quidditch Pitch at night, _Hogsmede_ at night!, in the Great Hall surrounded by girls, stuffing their faces ignoring the girls, swimming, drinking, pranking; the list went on and on. Remus seemed to be the most frequent photographer but it changed from picture to picture; even Peter had managed to take a couple of shots in focus and of the right people.

Lily couldn't help but grin as she reached out with one hand to touch a younger James' face as he and Sirius grappled desperately with huge tentacle rising out of the lake. James chuckled throatily in her ear.

"Remus told us that if we hugged him, he would squirt ink like a fountain. Bloody git thought it was hilarious."

Lily tried desperately to repress the laughter but he felt the tremors and poked her in the side in mock indignation. The giggles escaped, and James shook his shaggy head ruefully.

There were snippets of Quidditch magazines, depicting various broomsticks and engraved snitches. A shiny black motorbike gleamed up in the very top right-hand corner, scribbled over in red marker pen with the words "Hands off Prongs! Mine!". A decorative Spanish fan was stuck spread open so that Lily could clearly pick out the beautiful painting of a girl and a boy dancing, followed by the girl running and finally an rather bleak image of the young man lifting a knife to his heart. Lily shivered slightly at the depressive imagery and quickly turned her gaze elsewhere.

Down along the bottom of the board, there were picture of James' earlier childhood. Jenny winked cheekily from a few and Lily recognised the man and woman in one particular photo to be her parents. Ethan or "Mr Dreamer" as Lily could never quite get out of the habit of calling him, had Jenny's messy brown curls and wicked grin. Jenny's mother Kate, was as short as her diminutive daughter and the stern look she was throwing James and Jenny in the picture, was one that Lily remembered from various sleep-others.

MJ was in many of them, her thick black hair either poker straight down her back or blowing in invisible wind. Lily felt a twinge of sadness as she noted that Moniqua was impeccably dressed as always and in one photo her foot was tapping impatiently as she glared at whoever was taking it. In another she was taking James for what had to be his first ever ride on a broomstick. Baby James gurgled and clapped his chubby hands in pleasure, trying desperately to clutch at the broomstick handle himself. The biggest one, right in the center, showed him older, wrapped in his mother's arms, both of them holding their brooms, black hair flying madly in the wind as they waved up at her.

Only in one single photo was there any male who could be James' father, but it was old and folded and stained by dust and dirt. He was turned away from the photographer, his obviously powerful frame lounging at ease, his head resting on his hand as he stared out an arched window. Still Lily thought she could just make out James' impossibly chiselled cheekbones and a hard jaw line.

But it was the left-hand photos that Lily had been curious about and when she stretched on her toes to look closer, her mouth fell open in surprise.

James' body was suddenly tense as he waited, uncertain of her reaction. That there would be photo's of her was no great surprise; everything he cared about was on this board, and he cared about the girl in his arms more than all the rest. But Lily wasn't blind and even Peter would have noticed that too many of those pictures dated back long before he had asked her out even the first time.

Lily stared at picture after picture. There were images of her studying in a dark corner of the Library with Sev, kicking into huge pile of automn leaves, of her laughing and jumping on Emily's back. There was a doodle on a scrap of paper, with the letters LE carefully embellished with a scarlet rose, next to a more hastily drawn snitch. Next to it was a black ribbon she'd worn in her hair and lost some years ago. There were photos of her splashing in the lake, playing in the snow, reading by the Common Room fire, the list went on. Before one in particular made her blush bright red.

"How on earth did you get a photo of me in my bra?" she demanded, as James sheepishly rumpled his hair.

"We were Marauders, and somewhere round third year, we found out that girls didn't actually have cooties. But they did have certain…body parts. Changed our lives."

Seeing that Lily was less than impressed by this masterful explanation for spying on her in her underwear, he tried throwing her a devilishly sexy grin. It wasn't particularly successfully but thankfully a thought occurred that distracted her enough to change the glare into a confused frown.

"But…these pictures go back years." she said, turning back to look at them, "You didn't like me then."

James ran his hand through his hair, shrugging uncomfortably.

"To be honest, I didn't think I did either. In fact I was damn near certain I hated the very sight of you." Lily flushed slightly but laughed it off as sad but true. Seeing it though, James wrapped his hands once more round her waist, nuzzling the smooth whiteness of her neck apologetically.

"But it seems this board think differently." he murmured into her hair.

A shiver ran up her spine and his smirk against her skin indicated he'd felt it. Lily swallowed and looked at a few more pictures to distract herself from the way his mouth was now placing light kisses on her collar-bone.

"I remember this one!" she said suddenly enough to make him reluctantly stop his ministrations and raise his head. "It was at your birthday party. Sirius took it, I'd forgotten!"

A half-laugh from her companion made her look up in curiosity. He met her gaze slightly ruefully.

"I remember." he exhaled deeply in something akin to frustration.

"I remember that damned dress." he clarified, seeing her confused expression.

"The dress?" Lily turned back to peer at it closely. "It's one of my favourites. What's wrong with the dress? I like that dress!"

The mixture of worry and indignation in her tone dragged a laugh out of him, and he pulled her tighter against his chest.

"Trust me. So did I." he inhaled the rich spiciness of her hair, remembering the moment when he first seen her wearing that waterfall of white gossamer. "That was the problem."

Lily's eyes widened in comprehension and the beginnings of a grin tugged at the corners of her mouth as she spun in his arms to face him.

"You liked ME in that dress!" she accused, the smile stretching impishly wide when he made no answer.

"You DID! Hah!" she giggled wickedly as the skin over his cheekbones turned a shade darker than the rest of his gold skin.

"No. I distinctly remember thinking at the time that I hated you in that dress." she looked up at him unconvinced, when suddenly that famous smirk curved his lips wickedly upwards. Lily's breath caught as he dipped his head to whisper devilishly in her ear.

"In fact I distinctly remember wanting to get you OUT of that damned dress as quickly as possible."

Lily blanched and James drew back with a shout of laughter. His hair gleamed in the candlelight as he shook his head at her obvious dismay that couln't quite conceal the tiniest hint of pleasure.

"That dress pointed out things that I had been desperately forcing myself to ignore. Namely the fact that you had grown one of the best pair of…" he broke of as one dark red eyebrow lifted dangerously slow.

"I mean," he backtracked immediately, "That you'd become rather pretty. Beautiful even. Gorgeous. Lovely?" the winning smile he hopefully threw her way, was so filled with fear that Lily couldn't stop her lips from quivering.

"Uh huh."

James let out a sigh of relief, but the wicked glint in his eyes was already dancing as he lifted her chin teasingly towards him.

"You were stunning." he breathed over her parted lips, "And MERLIN did I hate you for making me admit that!"

The mischievous giggle told him that his inelegant turn of phrase had been forgiven and as her bright emerald eyes smiled into his, he could help but swallow. Before she could even gasp, he'd dipped his head and captured her lips in a searing kiss that sent instant heat flooding through her entire body. It was softer, gentler than earlier, with less of the painful need and more tenderness. Each movement was a caress, from his fingers gliding over her cheekbone to tangle in her hair, to the slow, sensual massage of his tongue against hers.

When he eventually drew back, her lips followed, craving more before pulling away again with an embarrassed smile. James returned it as though in a daze, simply marvelling at her perfection and at how unbelievably lucky he was to have this again. His thumb ran over the white curve of her cheek almost in wonder, and on queue the soft skin flushed pink at his touch. His smirk turned just a little cockier.

He bent his handsome head and kissed her once more, swift and chaste, before glancing at his watch with a significant raise of his brows.

"Patrols."

Lily sighed, but obediently removed her hands from their place around his neck and stepped reluctantly away. She grabbed his hand and pulled him out the door and into the Head Common, the stompy march of her feet indicating just how unimpressed she was with his newfound sense of responsibility. Then, just as they approached the portrait hole, she swung back, her emerald gaze suddenly intense.

"I take this means that we're still good for Saturday." the hint of anxiety in her tone made his lips quirk.

"We were always good for Saturday Lils, even if it meant me having to drag you out the door by your ankles."

Lily stared blankly at him for a moment, before suddenly bursting into hysterical laughter. Shaking her head at his abominable lack of any idea of romance, she pushed him out the door and into the darkness of the corridor.

James was obviously expected to laughingly protest, and protest he did, loudly and petulantly declaring to the portraits that lined the walls that the girl beside him wouldn't know romantic if it hit on the head. Inwardly though, he couldn't help but swallow with a tinge of worry. James glanced out the window to the night sky, as though praying for something to appear out of the blackness.

"Any day now, Dad..."

* * *

**WHEEEEEEWWWWWW! Sorry, massive finger cramp, bla bla bla! XD Anyway, I hope you liked, I hope it gave you lots to think about and most of all, I hope you review! Even if it's to tell me I'm a lousy writer who obviously spends too much time fantasying about James and Sirius. ^^**

**Luv ya lots and I'll see ya some time next week with chapter six! ;) It's already up to 9000 words lol ^^**

**Lili**

**X x x x x x x x **


	26. Chapter 26

**Heya All! Ok, It's finally FINALLY DONE! Whooooffff. And it's ABISMALLY late of course, for which, as always, I apologise sigh.. =( BUT as this chapter is somewhere round 20000 words long AND I've put up another chunk of Moniqua and Henry's story in First Steps I'm PRAYING you'll all forgive me! (Please?)**

**There's such a lot going on in this chapter and most of seems quite filler-ish to me which is annoying BUT all of it is necessary for setting up the future plotlines. The last 5000 words or so however, well I love them, I just hope you all do too ^^ But a couple of mysteries will also be "solved" for want of a better word. At least if you've got a good memory ;) The hints are there if you're sharp lol **

**Oh and well I hope this doesn't sound churlish (=S) but for the people who skip some of the non L/J bits, I really hope you don't in this chapter just because we learn…THINGS about J/L that if you miss them, might make you be a bit confused later on =S I wouldn't insist but this chapter is a HUGE plot-setter-upper lol. So please bear with me. **

**The other thing to note is that this chapter is a sort of "knot" in the sense that all my the threads of my stories will interlink here, creating the rather good metaphor of the knot or a crossroads or whatever you prefer ^^ Therefore there are what you might call "spoilers" in this chapter, not big ones but hopefully tantalizing tastes of what has or what will happen. ;) Of course these can only be picked up on if you've read the other stories lol. Hint hint XD Sorry, couldn't resist ^^**

**Ok one last thing, is to say a huge thank you ALL the people who take the time to read and review this story! There are so many now that answering each one is becoming more and more difficult sigh, but I want you all to know just how much I appreciate your thoughts! And any reviews with questions, I do promise to faithfully reply! **

**One particular thanks has to go out to **_**missnothing **_**who's idea inspired one of the scenes in this chapter and so a BIG thanks to you! =) I want you to tell me what you think lol, because it ended up being a little…harsher than I originally intended and I'm still undecided whether that's good or not**

**Another HAS to go to my anonymous **_**"fan"**_** who only goes by that name but who really must get full credit for making me get a move on and finish this chapter lol. I'm not sure how many reviews you left but each one gave me a well-needed kick up the behind XD so THANK YOU!**

**Again BIG thanks to **_**Lucius Malloy **_**and **_**Hollowpoint headers **_**who both took the time to read and review just about every chapter! In answer to **_**PeneMuzBubbles **_**I say Yes, James IS Moniqua's son lol ^^ Tash,Jasu I luv you both lots! **_**Adorable, Smile-pass-it-on, Kitcat1234, awakeatnight, GreenlyToxic **_**all of you thanks for the fabulously longs reviews. Thanks to all my "oldies" as I very affectionately call them, ;) who have followed this story for so many months and to whom I am indescribably grateful to! The list goes on and on! =)**

**You are each and every one of you completely fabulous! THANK YOU! =)**

**I now am going to shut up and let you get down to business XD**

**As always, Read, hopefully Enjoy and even more hopefully REVIEW! ;)**

**Luv y'all**

**Lili**

**X x x x x x x x x x**

* * *

…."_Get away from me, you cowards!"_

_The raucous laughter echoed horribly down the corridor to his ears, cruel, vile and evil enough to make the blood boil in his veins. His vision was red, his feet already carrying him forwards. Gryffindor rage and Gryffindor recklessness driving him towards the Sixth years with his wand raised and ready to kill._

"_Feisty ain't she; for a discarded whore."_

_The girl wrenched her arm out of the biggest one's grasp, her other hand flashing out to slap the bastard across his leering face, uglier even than usual as he grinned down at her frightened form. The other louts grunted stupidly again, and their crude laughter seemed to spur the leader on. _

_His tongue slipped out to wet his thin lips, greasy blond hair clinging to the eager sheen on his brow as his eyes gleamed with gross anticipation. The girl cringed away as he ran his clammy hand down her cheek but with unexpected courage she snapped at his fingers with pearly teeth causing him to remove it in a hurry._

"_Bitch!"_

_He was close enough to recognise them now; Yaxley's crawling, wet-mouthed smile, Bulstrode's' thick tree-trunk neck and finally Crabbe's gorilla reach. The Slytherin threesome had been making girls' lives misery ever since their fourth year, but the Slytherin green and silver tie hanging loosely round the girl's neck didn't make sense. Disgusting though they were, the louts had always had enough of a perverted and twisted sense of loyalty to keep them from harassing members of their own house. Or more likely, the pureblood ladies were almost always betrothed from birth and therefore off-limits._

"_Can't think why he cast her off. But hey; I'm not complaining."_

_Yaxley leaned closer, his thick fingers clasping the girl's chin to prevent her from twisting and throwing back her head in disgust as he leaned in with a hateful smirk. Still as she turned desperately to the side, a shaft of moonlight lit up her features in the shadows._

_The loveliest face he'd ever seen was contorted into an expression of absolute, unbearable terror. _

_It was too much for the boy to bear, and a second later, it was all over. James' three stunners blasted the shitbags' unconscious bodies fifty feet, where they smashed into the ancient stones with a sickening crunch._

_As he moved to stand before her crumpled figure, her head lifted in the shadows so that the thick waves slid back from her face like silk over skin. Then, with a dignity that left him numb to the very core, she opened her purple bruised lids._

_Two pools of the deepest, darkest blue stared proud and fierce despite their wet shine and seared straight through his soul._

_Two pools of absolute misery._

James' sweaty torso convulsed as his eyes tore open, his mind wrenched away from sleep and he hurtled upright from his bed with a hoarse, painful yell.

* * *

Preparing to walk into the Great Hall at James' side was not quite the traumatic experience Lily had been subjected to on that first Monday morning; nevertheless, her pulse quivered in her throat as the heads turned, expressions of devastation and resentment far outnumbering their friends' tentative smiles. James could feel the waves of nervousness pouring off her but despite a treacherous twitch of the lips, he kept his face neutral and as always, supremely confident.

Touching before the entire school was a no-no; rumours would run rife before they'd even had the chance to sit down, and he sighed inwardly. Not for all the galleons in the world would he press Lily to reconsider, but the urge to reach out and pull her into his arms in blatant defiance, to kiss her in front of students and teachers alike and be damned the consequences, it still stung his fingertips as he clenched them tight in an effort to keep them at his side.

Instead he did the best he could, stepping smoothly closer to her, hoping that his nearness would alleviate her obvious tension just a little. A weak smile was his reward, as she turned her head and glanced gratefully up at him with eyes so green he felt almost giddy from looking at them. Still he tilted his head to the side and smirked down at her with all his typical cockiness. She had to fight to repress the giggle. He looked so childishly pleased with himself, so pleased period, to be at her side, that her heart warmed in a rush of affection.

They approached the Marauder Space and acknowledge both Peter's distracted "Hello" and Remus' knowing grin with slightly embarrassed nods. Boy and girl slipped into adjacent seats with their eyes fixed firmly on the silver plates in front of them, still avoiding each other's gaze even as Remus innocently inquired if Patrols had gone smoothly.

James raised a dangerous black brow and Lily's cheeks turned faintly pink but Remus merely smiled sweetly back, amber eyes dancing wickedly between each bland bat of his lashes. Peter looked up from his pile of pancakes to glance back and forth between the pair, as though only just realising they were there.

"You're talking again." he said in confusion and James barely repressed the urge to roll his eyes. Instead he took a deep breath and replied with careful control.

"Yes Peter," doing his best to be patient with his friend. It was after all just gone eight in the morning.

"You made up." Peter stated again, as though not quite sure he had understood right. James sucked on the inside of his mouth in order to repress the growl. Patience…

"Thank you Pete, for stating the obvious."

Ok, so patience wasn't his thing.

Peter flushed a little but grinned embarrassedly round a the others before continuing his assault on the pancakes' stronghold. The smaller boy's attention once more elsewhere, James did roll his eyes expressively at Remus, who merely shrugged and continued to smile placidly back.

They ate for a few minutes in mechanical silence, but Lily couldn't help but fidget nervously before finally working up the courage to ask in a very small voice

"Is Sirius…coming to class?"

Peter dropped his fork with a clang, Remus' gaze froze on the black print of the Daily Prophet and the hand James was resting lightly against her leg twitched. The boys exchanged glances and Lily swallowed, feeling suddenly completely out of place. Blushing furiously, she stared once more at her plate, doing her best to avoid the others' eyes and concentrate only on her breakfast. But Remus' carefully neutral tone made her lift her head in a mixture of nervousness and hope

"We don't really know'" he said a little reluctantly, exchanging another brief look with James, "He didn't come in last night. He wanted to think."

Lily sat up incredulously.

"But he didn't spend the whole up there!" she exclaimed, staring from one tense face to another. When no once answered her mouth fell open and a gasp of horror and disbelief made both and James Remus look away uncomfortably.

"The Dark Tower at night? He could have frozen! How could you let him?"

Again that secret look of unease passed between all three boys and Lily felt a pang of hurt well up in her chest. They obviously all knew what Sirius had planned, just like they knew what had so badly upset her friend and were helping him deal with it.

Lily felt almost hollow. Even now they were debating how much to tell her, how much she deserved to know and Lily had the new and unpleasant feeling of being just like any other girl in the school. She had become so used to being Sirius' one and only female friend, so used to adoring her darling and being adored by him in return, that the way they were acting, as if she were just another nosy groupie ferreting out gossip, hit her like a slap in the face.

James saw the hurt expression on her face and winced. He had sworn only last week that he would never again lie to the girl he loved so much, but the secrets of the Marauders, they simply weren't his to tell. Every bone in his body ached to pull her into his arms and promise her that her friend would be fine, that the huge, shaggy coat of fur made the natural elements the least of Sirius' worries. That he simply needed to escape for a little while and decided what action he would take. To go or not. It was one that none of the Marauder's could answer for him; all they could was stand beside him no matter what path he chose. Shoulder to shoulder, side by side. Whether he went or stayed.

A lump came into his throat as the memory of the nightmare returned unbidden, and his lean frame shuddered repressively. A flicker of concern passed momentarily over Lily's face but he turned away, so that she couldn't see the fear and disgust twist his features. Seeing it happen, seeing the evil, disgusting pieces of shit in his mind's eye as they leered down over her like a piece of meat, feeling the overwhelming surge of anger and hatred as though it were yesterday, it was all James could do to stop himself hitting something.

Finding Lily waiting for him that morning had made it, if possible, even worse. Just imagining that happening to her, in some dark corner of the school, alone and helpless and unable to call for him, it had the bile rising up his throat. He'd ran to her side in one impossibly fast movement and before she'd even had time to blink, he'd yanked her unceremoniously into his arms and held her so tightly she'd almost gasped for breath.

He hadn't told her why; he couldn't bear to. That memory was a nightmare that would haunt him till the day he died. James' lids screwed shut as those impossibly blue eyes flashed again in his mind, filled with a terror that made him want to scream, huge and desperate and the colour of the very deepest depths of the ocean, only suddenly they were green, the bright green of emeralds and the gasp of terror was one he knew like he knew his own name, wild with fear as they loomed over her tiny frame, hands tearing at her shirt, bruising her wrists, touching her…

"James!"

Black slashes of thick unruly hair cut through the air like knives, so fast did James' head spin round.

They were all looking at him worriedly. Lily's hand was clasping his wrist, it was her voice he realised that had dragged him out of his waking nightmare, and it was her warmth he suddenly desperately needed. His throat was hoarse, the words didn't immediately come so he simply held her hand, gripping it so tight it must have hurt, but she didn't pull away.

He took a deep, steadying breath, forcing his lips to curve into something resembling his trademark smirk but although all three figures sighed in relief, only one of them looked convinced.

James reached up to rumple his hair and rolled his eyes, deliberately flippant

"I forgot that essay for Sprout. She'll have my guts for garters." he groaned in exaggerated frustration. Nobody laughed and James tried again, opening his eyes in dramatic fear.

"She'll feed me to that Venomous Tentacula!" he mock-wailed, "The one that ate the second year's fingers, she give him mine instead, one by one, like frankfurters! Complete with ketchup _à volonté_!"

His expression was so traumatized even Remus cracked a grin. Peter sat back and laughed whole-heartedly, while Lily smiled and shook her head at his antics. Relieved at his success he put on his best puppy-dog face.

"I'm about to be made into hot-dogs and all you people can do is laugh."

Lily giggled at his affronted expression and Peter spluttered over his words as he choked back

"More like a venison steak, mate. Sirius would be the…"

Immediately the atmosphere turned cold.

Lily glanced in bewilderment from one face to the other, as baffled by the suddenly black look on James' chiselled features as by Peter's expression of complete and utter panic. She hadn't understood the joke nor the mention of Sirius but it was the boy's reaction to both that made her stare in incomprehension. It was left to Remus to cover the awkward moment, which he did with all his natural suavity.

"Sirius would probably offer to feed you to him mate, at least unless you've finally given in and accepted that MJ's going to leave her old motorbike to him, not you."

James rose to the occasion and threw his friend a baleful glare.

"Over…my…dead…body." he enunciated silkily. Peter grinned a little stupidly.

"Nah mate, over MJ's."

The rest of them immediately groaned.

"Don't say that!"

"Aww…Merlin, Pete, that's just morbid."

"Let's just…avoid tempting fate Peter, yeah."

Remus' quiet, sobering comment wiped the expression of disgusted laughter of all their faces.

James fell into abstraction, staring at his plate as though he could see his mother's face looking back at him. She would be smirking, he thought, laughing off his fears with the reckless optimism she was famous for. Her black eyes would gleam with mischief and affection, black strands of hair falling into her face as she shook her head ruefully at both his and Dad's expressions of worry.

It wasn't that she felt no fear. He knew she did; he knew she was secretly terrified, not for herself but for her family, the people she loved so passionately, so completely it shone from her like a light from a lantern. But she never allowed the fear to show, denying herself that weakness because somehow, when MJ Potter admitted to fear, there really was no hope left. Her courage was an inspiration to the entire Ministry; her fierce determination, her sparkling charm, her dauntless fire would burn Voldemort himself to a shrivelled crisp and it was that belief that kept so many young, scared aurors from turning on their heels and fleeing after each horrifying battle.

MJ Potter dead…it would truly signal the beginning of the end.

Lily's hand warm and soft squeezed his brown fingers reassuringly. He looked up to see her smiling sadly at him, her eyes bright and honest. She couldn't tell him it would be ok. Couldn't promise that his mother would be fine, that MJ or Moniqua as she inadvertently called her was a fighter, the best auror the Ministry had. That nothing could douse such a blazing inferno. It wasn't true.

All she could do was hold his hand and silently swear that she would be there. Stand there, fight with him. Shoulder to shoulder, hand in hand. Whatever fate had in store.

Somehow, it was enough.

Suddenly, a stifled exclamation made Lily, James and Peter all turn there heads. Remus was staring in open-mouthed horror at the crumbled edition of the Daily Prophet as he could see Voldemort himself staring back at him from the open page. Feeling everyone's gaze upon him, he suddenly shut his mouth with a snap, hastily stuffing the paper under his plate with an attempt at a casual shrug.

"Sorry, misread it."

James raised one black brow, eyeing the faint tinge of pink over his friend's cheekbones with a kind of amused curiosity. Then his face cracked into an evil grin.

"Pass that paper would you Pete."

Remus hurried to grab hold of the wad of parchment.

"It's nothing. I'm just keeping it to send home to mum; you know for the…"

But James' eyes were dancing in wicked delight.

"Moony,…give me that paper." he said gently.

Comprehension was dawning now on even Peter's face. Only Lily looked completely at a loss. James seemed determined to get that paper from Remus one by either bribe or blackmail, and as Remus eyed his rather larger friend with distinct wariness, Lily caught Peter's fingers inching sneakily towards the corner, unnoticed. James had obviously seen him, the absurdly handsome smirk curling his lips was way too triumphant for him not to and as Remus concentrated fully on what he deemed the bigger danger, Peter suddenly snatched the paper away with a crow of victory.

Remus made a grab for it but Chaser's reflexes were unbeatable, and James nicked the newspaper out of Peter's fumbling fingers with a grin that was, if possible, ten times as evil. With mocking deliberateness James leaned back on the bench and shook out the paper, pausing only to raise his brows deviously at his now uncomfortable-looking friend over the top of the parchment. With Peter avidly waiting, and even Lily slightly curious James grinned, cleared his throat and began to read out loud

_"Daily Prophet reporters can announce that the world-famous model, Charis de Belle-Isle was today admitted to St Mungo's almost immediately after having arrived in England! _

_The stunning, silver-haired goddess was originally scheduled to make port sometime next week, however eye-witnesses have testified to seeing the model descend from her personnel yacht, "The Veela", before being taken away by private limo. A St Mungo's representative has refused to comment on the identity of a "patient X" who records prove is currently in the famous hospital's care."_

James looked up with golden light dancing mischievously in his eyes.

"Nothing, huh?"

Peter roared with laughter, clutching his sides as Remus, unshakable, unflappable Remus actually blushed. Lily couldn't believe her eyes. She shook her auburn head in bewilderment until James finally noticed her confusion and explained

"Remus has been crushing on _Mademoiselle Charis_ since she became the face of "Gladrags Wizardwear" two and a half years ago. He even has a life-size poster up in his room that Jen…one of us brought him for his birthday."

James' lips were quivering with the effort not to burst out laughing as Remus' head sunk into his hands with a groan. Lily stared in disbelief at him for a few moments before suddenly breaking out into giggles, narrowly missing knocking over James' goblet of pumpkin juice as she did so.

"Ma…Maybe you should go and visit her…" she finally choked out through the helpless chuckles. James let out a shout of laughter.

"Yeah, mate. Tell her _your_ life will be officially over if she dies."

Remus rolled his eyes with the most disdainful of sniffs, ignoring the others mockery with all the dignity he had left to him.

The threesome were too busy laughing good-natured at their friend's humiliation, that only the sudden screeches of thirty or owls streaming above them made them lift their heads, the smiles still lingering on their faces. Lily and Peter turned back to their breakfast almost immediately but Remus paused for a moment, his cheeks still slightly pink, watching the suddenly intent expression on the face opposite him.

James was scanning the mob of soaring owls with fixed concentration, his black brows lowered into a frown as apparently whatever he was looking for wasn't there. Remus groaned inwardly. Today was the last chance, if James' plan was to work, a plan he of course had helped work out to minute detail. Remus almost grinned remembering the usually cool and confident self-proclaimed stud pacing up and down the boy's dormitories like a girl with her first crush. It had been hilarious, not to mention fabulous blackmail material for a future date but the idea that the owl simply wouldn't couldn't help but sober him slightly.

James felt a lump of panic steadily block his throat as one by one the birds descended to be greeted warmly by their respective owner, until finally only five owls still hovered above the tables. None if them were black.

Then, just as he was fighting back the despair, a flash of russet glided with impeachable grace through the stone arches, soaring towards the Marauder Space before landing smoothly on a very surprised James' shoulder.

Lily and Peter turned to stare at the bird in confusion, a confusion mirrored even on James' handsome face before it gave way to an huge, overwhelming glow of triumph.

The eagle-owl lifted its leg to allow James to tear of the roll of parchment, and Lily blinked in surprise as it suddenly flapped it's huge wings and hopped jerkily down onto the table. Enormous round golden eyes stared back at her, and Lily had the odd sensation of being looked up and down in rather cold critique. She shook it off with a small laugh, reaching out a hand to pet the magnificent animal, when suddenly James' sharp voice made her jerk it back in surprise.

"Don't!"

Lily frowned at him in bewilderment. James merely shrugged somewhat apologetically, his hands and attention still busy unrolling the expensive looking vellum but seeing her rather hurt expression he rolled his eyes briefly and explained

"He doesn't like being touched."

Lily nodded and drew her hand carefully away, still smiling hopefully at the bird as she feasted her eyes upon it. The feathers that covered his huge, muscular form were a deep, glowing brown, like the colour of the conkers she'd smashed on string with her friends as a child. All save the face and chest, both of which were a stark cream that contrasted strongly against the rest. He was almost double the size of her own darling Kester, and undoubtedly impressive, especially when it looked her up and down in that haughty way, like it was doing now. Lily's smile faded just a little and the owl turned away with a disdainful click of his very sharp looking beak.

She turned back with obvious curiosity to James, confused and intrigued by the huge, decidedly arrogant smirk that had stretched up his lips almost to his ears as he scanned the letter. He looked completely and utterly self-satisfied but the irritating complacency was also mixed with a strange, rather endearing gleam of childish excitement.

Lily waited, brows pointedly raised, waiting for him let them all in on this fabulous secret, but to her unpleasant surprise he merely folded the letter up and stuffed it into his pocket.

James glanced up to see them all staring at him impatiently, and the golden glint of mischief sprung into life. With infuriating innocence he reached into another pocket and pulled out an owl treat, that had probably been there since Merlin knew when. As though oblivious to the other's expectant looks, he fed it to the waiting owl, grinning down impudently into the bird's unimpressed eyes.

Finally Lily had had enough. Her chest swelled, she opened her mouth to demand to know exactly what in that letter had James smiling like a kid in a candy store when suddenly James smoothly cut her off, with a wide, winning smile.

"His name's Riké. Gorgeous isn't he?"

Lily was momentarily at a loss, her lips parted in a silent "o" as the blatant attempt at distraction worked and the dashing gleam of his smile chased all other thoughts from her mind. A minute later though, she was furiously recollecting herself and she said with some asperity

"I thought your owl was black. Black and…well, rather mean."

James stifled a laugh as Riké turned to stare at her with the air of having been greatly insulted. Ridiculous though it was, Lily couldn't help but stammer out hastily

"I mean, this one looks much…" she eyed the distinctly unimpressed owl rather dubiously, "Nicer?"

James tried, really he did. But Lily's embarrassed face and adorably flushed cheeks had the laughter bubbling up his throat and out of his mouth before he could stop it. Snorting helplessly, he managed to get out

"You do realise you're…sucking up…to my owl."

A stifled choke and a barely repressed giggle, courtesy of their other two companions, escaped from across the table and Lily felt her cheeks burn in shame. James gave up all attempt at preserving a grave front and promptly collapsed into minor hysterics, his chest vibrating so hard he almost fell off the bench. Lily threw him a look of deepest loathing.

With one final gasp, James finally managed to compose himself, sitting up and straitening his tie in an attempt to look dutifully penitent. When that did nothing to alleviate the scowl that was narrowing his love's very pretty eyes, he pulled out his most trusted weapon; his trademark grin. Bright, beautiful and blinding, Lily couldn't help but blink.

Seeing this James pressed his advantage, carefully tilting the corner of his mouth to add a decidedly more alluring flavour to the smirk, seductive and beguiling but before he could crow at his success Lily raised one uncompromising eyebrow. Ok. Best leave it there for now.

"It's cute." he tried with a devilish wink, before giving up and saying "Anyway, he's not actually mine. And that "mean" owl you described was Moriarty, who doesn't really belong to me either."

Lily's face didn't soften so James charged valiantly on, hoping that charm and distraction would win out, preferably before breakfast was over, so that their pre-class snog wouldn't be in jeopardy

"Moriarty is to all intents and purposes my Dad's, but I suppose you could call him our family owl. But Riké…" he held out a diffident finger to the bird, who after a faint pause finally consented to nip it somewhat affectionately.

"Riké isn't really a pet. My mum kind of adopted him you could say, or rather he adopted her." he said with a dashing grin, observing the way Lily no longer looked forbidding but instead simply curious.

"You means he's wild?"

Lily's face was doubtful. James shook his head so that the black shock of hair seemed to have a life of its own, his lips quirking upwards as he tried to repress the ever so slightly mocking grin.

"Nah. Look at his wings."

Lily frowned but, keeping her fingers warily out of reach, she obeyed. Her emerald eyes turned round as saucers.

Streaked across the very tips of both meter long wings was a vine-shaped pattern of silvery white, twisting and intertwining as though it had been painted by an artist's brush. The pale outline stood out strongly against the rest of the deep brown plumage and as Lily stared in wonder, the owl seemed to sense her interest and, with a faint huff, obligingly spread its wings so that their full glory could be shown.

"He's magical alright," James continued, breaking her out of her daze with a slight start, "Probably escaped from a shop somewhere. But he comes and comes pretty much as he pleases. And he gets on with Moriarty, and let's face it, that alone deserves an Order of Merlin First Class."

The owl was obvious impatient of all the chit-chat and showed it with one last disapproving click of its beak. James leant back warily out of reach and Riké flapped his wings and took off into the air, circling the table once and soared out of the Great Hall for some well-earned rest. The foursome watched him go before turning back to the last remains of their breakfast in thoughtful silence.

Lily picked up her fork and stuffed the last morsel of her fried eggs in her mouth with a soft sigh, her mind already slipping back to Sirius and his present whereabouts; so occupied that she didn't even feel the two pools of chocolate and gold that were fixed discreetly on her face.

James swallowed, trying desperately to hold back the flood of excitement that was threatening to burn him up from the inside-out. They were good. His dad had come through for him as swiftly and effortlessly as ever, and of course he, James, hadn't doubted him from a moment. His hand lifted unconsciously and ran through his untidy hair, catching Remus' amused eye as he did so. James' couldn't quite repress the rueful grin. Course not. Hadn't been worried for a minute.

Remus shook his head and finished his breakfast with a knowing smile.

* * *

The gloomy closeness of the castle corridors was disconcerting after the warmth and heat from the morning sunrise, even with the huge arched windows that allowed the light to stream half-heartedly though.

A rat ran by from under the fringe of one of the medieval tapestries that lined the walls and for moment he almost thought… But it was too small, too mangy and judging by the way it had let itself be seen, too stupid. It scampered away.

He rounded a corner and the light from the window faded as he walked, to be replaced by the oppressive red glow of the familiar candles. Pete hated the feeling of awe-inspiring vastness that gripped one at the top of the Dark Tower; it made him feel small, helpless and even more insignificant than he felt already. Corridors like this were much more his thing, corridors and secret passages, tiny nooks and dusty crannies.

For Sirius, it was the exact opposite.

The boy's feet moved across the uneven slabs of stone as silently as a ghost, so quiet he could have almost been prowling in the shadows. But the poker -straight back and the arrogantly causal strut seemed to deliberately say otherwise. His arms swung at his side, he marched down the passage as though he owned it and as a steel suit of armour drew near, one finger nonchalantly lifted to flick against the metal and send the sound echoing loudly in his wake. The silence seemed to bristle at the challenge and for the first time in days, Sirius Black almost smiled.

He hadn't consciously decided to return to class but as his feet took him closer and closer to the dark gloom of the Dungeons, he made no attempt to stop them. They walked as they willed, his attention was obviously else-where, his beautiful face creased and tormented in the black and red dappling of shadow and light.

As he neared the Great Hall the sounds of laughter and chatting became more and more audible, breaking through his concentration and causing a brief frown to flicker over his features. He hated the throng of people in the more inhabited parts of the castle, only a little less than he hated the claustephobic darkness of the rest.

A spawn of the House of Black, raised in darkness since birth, Sirius craved the sunshine like a drug. It's warmth and goodness held back the memories, the pain and fear that still gnawed at his conscious, the evil that could never be fully vanquished. The people that invariably accompanied the light he lived for, well they were nuisance, but one he unwilling put up with.

So as the sounds, the groans and giggles and feet and rustle became almost painfully loud to his extra-sensitive ears, Sirius suppressed the wince and the flicker of irritation, concentrating instead on the window just up ahead. As he stepped into the burst of sunlight, his eyes closed and his lips parted, air escaping in a sigh of pure unguarded bliss.

Lost as he was is the morning's warm caress, the sounds of footsteps approaching didn't register so that the two girls were mere meters away when they sharp, rather nasal titters made his lids snap open in shock.

"Yes, she's in St Mungo's, look, it's right here, all on the third page."

Sirius's entire body was frozen like a statue, his eyes fixed and unseeing as they drilled a hole in the space before him. The girl on the right sniffed and added cruelly.

"Serves her right stupid bitch. Strutting around like a stupid Veela, with her _perfect _hair and _perfect _eyes; oh and lets not forget her _perfect_ SMILE!"

Her friend's voice was sympathetic,

"Luke's still crushing on her then?"

The first girl hissed like a cat, her manicured nails clenching like claws around the crumpled newspaper in her hand.

"He actually had the audacity to ask me if I'd ever thought about dying my hair. As if I'd want to look like that blond, blue-eyed, fake bimbo! Whatever it is I hope it's serious! With a bit of luck maybe she'll just DIE!"

In that split-second several things happened all at once.

The boy turned and lifted his wand with a face like cold black murder. The fourth year girl's eyes widened as the non-verbal spell shot straight towards her heart. A gasp echoed down the corridor from a newcomer followed by a one single screamed word. Sirius Black's eyes blazed like raging blue infernos.

A flash of blinding light lit the corridor and in the moment of confusion, a rough hiss of pain slipped out through fiercely gritted teeth.

When the flash faded, the Protego spell still hovered like a silver shimmer in the air between the girls and the youth's rigid form. Before it had vanished, the fourth years had turned on their heels and fled, their paper fallen from numb fingers to the floor, their terrified feet slapping the stones as fast and as hard as their pounding heartbeats.

The ebony head didn't turn. The brown hand still holding the wand outstretched, quivered slightly in the sunshine. With her heart in her mouth, Emily simply concentrated on calming her heaving chest, her bright blue eyes never wavering from the boy's averted profile.

The he moved.

Faster than the human eye could follow, his tall muscular frame blocked out the sun and his wand was at her throat. Emily could barely breathe. It was all she could do not to scream as his face, his beautiful, blazing face was suddenly inches from hers, his perfect lips parted and drawn back to show unnaturally pointed canines, his breath as scalding as his anger against her skin. And in that instant, one terrified thought flooded her mind.

He was going to kill her.

She could see in those breathtaking eyes, the murderous rage, the deadly intent. In that moment there was no trace of humanity left in the boy she was desperately in love with. No conscience or thought. Only a fury so black, so consuming he seemed to burn from the inside, sparks of anger licking across his skin. Purple-black madness was all she could see as her life seemed to hang on an invisible thread. His chest rose and fell in sharp, strained breaths. Tendrils of black blew across his features, mirroring her own.

And the silence hung in the air as loud as a dying man's scream.

Then the red stain soaking the upper arm of his shirt chased the fear momentarily from her eyes as the words escaped without a thought.

"You're bleeding!"

He didn't even glance at the wound, his face still taught, his expression still terrifyingly close to unhinged. Emily stared in growing, silent worry as the scarlet seemed to bloom like a flower, until thin tendrils ran all the way down to his cuff only to escape and drag down the brown skin to pool at the very tips of his fingers. The droplets filled like leeches, before falling silently to ground in a steady drip…drip. Even with the burn of the wand against her jugular, Emily couldn't tear her eyes away.

So much blood…

The whisper seemed to stick in her throat, soft and filled with a dazed kind of disbelief.

"You could have killed her."

She didn't lift her head, so she didn't see the madness fade just a little from those pools of violet. Didn't see the veil of ice fall over his face, turning it hard and cold as stone. His lip curled a little more, twisting in silent contempt and revulsion, a lingering trace of the fury that still simmered below the flawless surface.

The girl's head suddenly lifted and in reflex, the wand pressed deeper into her skin. She didn't even feel the sizzle of sparks against her flesh. Her eyes were huge and round in a mixture of horror and anger, her mouth open in an incredulous gasp.

"That girl…You really meant it…you really would have…."

She couldn't finish, couldn't bear to utter the terrible truth. He didn't even flinch, his beautiful face a mask of ice, the sneer of hatred still curling his lips. Then in another impossibly swift movement he wrenched himself away, so fast Emily had to blink.

His tall frame turned on the spot with all his typical mesmerising grace, shoving his wand once more into his pocket and stepping away down the corridor without a word.

Emily gaped, and before she knew it her feet were chasing after him, temper building in her chest and sparking in her deep blue eyes.

"You're just going to walk away…?"

Her voice was pained, weak with disbelief and the beginnings of anger, anger fuelled by the after-effects of shock and fear. Sirius tall frame paused but almost immediately he resumed his unhurried, impossibly nonchalant gate. Emily let out of choke, her eyes narrowed her jaw hanging limply to the floor.

"That girl could have DIED! You would have murdered her in cold-blood." she whispered blankly. "All for what…?"

Again the boy halted mid stride, before revolving on the spot with mesmerising grace. With the yellow glow of the sunlight behind him, casting dark shadows and sunken hollows, his face seemed too beautiful to be real. His lip still curled, his eyes still flickered with that deadly fire and he spoke with a cold detachment that made her shiver.

"For personnel satisfaction."

Emily stared at him, her brows creasing into a frown.

"You don't mean that. You can't… "

His laugh echoed bitterly down the corridor, wild and unrestrained but never warming his eyes. Instead his magnificent head slowly lowered, and they gazed at her in a mixture of contempt and a strange, bitter loathing.

"I'm a Black, remember Water? The scum of the wizarding world. The spawn of a family of murderers and terrorists."

The words bit, as though he was deliberately trying to hurt, only it wasn't her he wanted to wound; it was himself. The disgust was for himself, Emily realised in a flash of inspiration. The hatred was all for him, the words cruel and vicious like knives as he drove them into his skin. Immediately she wanted to scream at him that it wasn't true. The denial was written all over her face she knew it, and it lifted his lips into a twisted sneer.

"Still don't want to believe it. Still prefer not to see. Still don't want to imagine that your fantasy, your ideal, your image of male perfection is actually just a cold-hearted, murdering son a bitch."

The wand lifted with mesmerising slowness until the very tip caressed the curve of her throat once more. Emily swallowed, pain and pity creasing her deathly pale features before her jaw hardened and she took a deep breath

"That's bullshit." She stated deliberately. His brows lowered over the bridge on his nose until they could have rivalled McGonagall's in their ferocity.

The wand pressed deeper still, so that the smell of burning skin floated around them and Emily winced at the sting. Sirius' canines were stark white and almost vampirish in the gloom and the sight of them sent another shiver down the girl's spine.

A low growl vibrated in his throat, his lips were lifted in a silent snarl and the image of a rabid dog flashed into Emily's head. But she refused to back down.

"What did that girl do? What crime did she commit that decided she deserved to die for it?" she repeated fiercely

He didn't answer but she caught the flicker of his gaze towards the discarded newspaper and she followed it, her face creased in incomprehension. But before she had time to run through the day's news in her head he was speaking again, low and languid and deadly as hemlock.

"I repeat; I'm a Black. Or have you forgotten; we don't need reasons to murder people. We torture and maim and kill on a whim."

Again that self-loathing, belying the casual words.

Then he flinched a little in surprise as Emily jutted her head suddenly forward, the wand tip hissing painfully but the fury on her face indicated that she was to angry to notice.

"Yes, you're a Black! That's not something you can change but it sure as hell doesn't mean you have to act like one! Merlin listen to yourself! Are you proud of it?" she demanded fiercely, "Cause it sure as Hell sounds like you are?"

"Don't you DARE imply that I'm proud of belonging to that Family!"

His voice was a hiss. The fires blazed, madness igniting the purple-blue flames and air escaped through the girl's parted lips as the wand seared her skin deeper still. But it was unconscious; the pain wasn't really registering as she continued to speak, fiercely and furiously, all thoughts of her own safety flown out if her head.

" Then stop saying it like it's an excuse! You almost murdered those girls and all you can say is "I'm a Black; what did you expect?" You're a lot of things Sirius Black but right now, you're just acting like a spoilt, egotistical coward!"

"How dare you…" he hissed.

"You look down on everyone in this school! You think us all shallow and pathetic for fancying you for your pretty face but you don't even stop to think that maybe it's not true of everyone! If anything; you're the one who thinks himself perfect! You EXPECT everyone to fall over themselves for you! EXPECT us to be dazzled and dazed by your "Black" beauty and hate us for it without even knowing if it's true! You're nothing but a filthy hypocrite!"

Sirius' jaw was grimly set, but there was something else flickering in those eyes. His wand was drifting back, the adam's-apple in his throat bobbing as he swallowed. A downpour of hurt slowly dousing the fire's of hell. And still the words flew from her lips, blistering and brutal and leaving bruise after painful bruise.

"All you see is what you expect to see, just like you declare yourself a Black only when it suits you! Because it's easy to hide behind that name! To shrug your shoulders when you fuck up and curl your lip at everyone who thinks you better than that! All the people who know you're NOT like the rest of them! That you DON'T have the right to act like them because you're NOT like them! Because you're BETTER than them! The people who have faith in you, like Lily!"

_She smiled. The smile was beam of light from heaven itself, dazzling him with it's overwhelming warmth and understanding; the smile of an angel_

The briefest flutter of long black lashes; an indication of the excruciating lash the memory caused.

"Don't." he bit out.

"Lily and James, and Remus and Peter and all the Slytherins who look at you and wonder if maybe, just maybe things don't have to be the way Voldemort says they should be! Everyone else who looks to you as an inspiration, a symbol of hope, a sign of change and courage and progress! Every Gryffindor who sees you as the epitome of what our house stands for!"

_"I've never met a Gryffindor who deserved the name more…"_

Emily was too worked up, too furious to see the signs. The shaking finger's, the gulping throat, the strained tension lining that beautiful face. The tiniest hint of moisture. His lips formed the silent words. "Please…"

"All the people who you don't deserve to call your friends if you can't even be the person you swore you would always be! The hero, the symbol, the beacon…!"

_"He's hope, my beacon if you like, that tells me I deserve this.."_

"…The light that keeps us all fighting! Even when the darkness seems overwhelming! The thing that makes us remember why we fight and why, one day,…"

_"Because if he believed it so strongly, that he was willing to defy his entire family to defend that belief, how can I do anything less?"_

"... One day, we will win!"

"SHUT UP!"

The scream shattered the air and the tension like a mirror crashing to the floor. Emily seemed to blink from a daze, staring down in horror at the boy who crouched on the floor in front of her, head in his hands, shaking with each agonising sob.

Regret filled her like a sponge as she stood there, helpless as a babe. Because it couldn't be real. Sirius Black was unbreakable, impenetrable. Her words wouldn't even reach him and if they did they wouldn't even scratch the ego that protected him like armour. But he was crumbling before her eyes, his body wracked with silent screams, his fingers tearing at his hair and she'd never felt so scared.

Then suddenly he was up, up and running down the corridor faster than human velocity made possible. A shadow sprinting away from her and her words before they broke him completely. And still she stood, paralysed, silently hating herself and her temper for shoving the truth down his throat until it strangled him.

Emily spun round on the spot and ran in the opposite direction, only one coherent thought repeating itself over and over in her head! She'd broken him. She had to find her, find the person who could put the shattered fragments back together.

* * *

"Lily!"

Half the students lining the Dungeon corridor turned their heads at the urgently uttered cry, twenty curious pairs of eyes watching the girl come to a skidding stop in front of her very surprised friends.

Lily frowned down at the familiar black head, bent over double as she tried to regain her breath. At her side Alice looked equally worried; Emily could run for England so to see her heaving and gasping for air meant she must have sprinted from the either the top of the Astronomy Tower or the very edge of the Forbidden Forest. Either that or something was very, very wrong.

A glance down the gloomy passage assured her that the rest of the not-so patiently waiting class had resumed their previous conversations and were now chattering animatedly, so that their voices echoed eerily of the damp stones like a ghostly orchestra. Only one pair of eyes still hovered discreetly, and the pools of chocolate and gold met hers briefly in a flash of curious concern. Lily sent him a quick, secret smile and James turned his full attention once more back to what Remus was saying.

Emily's lung were no longer crying out for oxygen and her two friends waited in curious bemusement, still confused and disconcerted when the panic-stricken look on the dark-haired girl's face never faded.

"Em what's...?"

Lily didn't have time to finish, Emily was already grabbing her arm and pulling her away from the classroom as fast as possible. Lily could feel rather than see, James' head snap up in alarm as well as Alice's now complete confusion but Emily didn't seem to even hear her laughing protests, only coming to a halt when the rest of the Gryffindor and Slytherin students were out of earshot.

Then she spun around and Lily felt a slow welling up of fear in her chest at the look of pure remorse and terror in her friend's eye.

"Lily I'm sorry! I don't know what came over me! I mean, I do, but it's no excuse! You've got to find him! Before he does something stupid! Please…I didn't mean…!"

Lily was frowning helplessly, trying to understand the disjointed mixture of half-phrases.

" But…I don't understand…who? Who's going to…"

"Sirius!" Emily's blue eyes screwed up tight in terrible guilt, her hands wringing as she fought the urge to tear at her hair.

"I said…awful things! Terrible things Lily!"

The redhead's right hand was on the other girl's cheek, the left brushing back the damp tendrils of blackness from her face, soothing, calming, trying desperately to reassure her.

"Shhh shhhh….It's alright."

Emily wrenched herself away, her face pale, teeth knowing on her lip as she shook her head fiercely. Lily had never seen her friend so upset, so torn between fear and bitter self-hatred.

"He tried to curse a girl! I stopped him and I…I told him he was just like the rest of his family! That didn't deserve to be your friend! You have to go and tell him it's not true! Before he…"

The girl suddenly swallowed, fighting for control and after a few moment she forced out three huge, shaking breaths.

"Part of it…it was true, but I shouldn't have said it. Not like that… Please, Lily…" her gaze was empty, her voice quivering ever so slightly but she wasn't going to lose it again.

"Please, find him."

Lily nodded vigorously before suddenly sweeping her truest friend in a huge, bone-breaking hug.

"I will. It'll be alight, I promise! You stopped him from hurting someone, from doing something he'd regret so thank you!"

The sheer warmth of the smile that Lily sent her way seemed to finally calm the other girl. She nodded slowly, and even managed a weak one of her own, before stepping back to clear the way for her friend.

"Do you know where he's gone though?" Emily said, suddenly assuaged by doubt. Lily nodded purposefully.

"Yes, at least…I think so." she paused scanning her friend's pale face, taking in the lingering strain there but she knew the only way to wipe that look away was to show Emily that everything would be alright. So, unwilling as she was to leave her friend berating herself inside, Lily blasted one last grin at her, hoping that it conveyed everything she didn't have time to say.

Emily smiled back, a small smile but at least this one reached her eyes. Then she waved her hand towards the passage that led to the winding staircase out of the dungeon up into the higher an brighter levels of the castle.

"Please, tell him…I'm sorry."

Lily bowed her head one final time and grasped her friends' hand tightly. Then she turned on her heel and disappeared down the corridor, round the corner and out of sight.

Emily closed her famous blue eyes and leaned back against the grimy stones with a sigh of overwhelming relief. Logic was returning, accompanied by her typical common sense, both of which were telling her that she'd said nothing but the truth. He HAD acted in a way that…she shuddered, remembering the spell flashing towards the fourteen year old's chest, his feverish murderous expression as the wand trembled in his hand, the masses of blood spurting from where the rebounded curse had only just nicked his shoulder. Sent straight at the heart…Emily couldn't finish.

Instead all she could hear was that broken, final scream that she'd torn so cruelly from his lips, echoing down the corridor and through her head, sending shivers down her spine and guilt twisting her insides. Nobody should hurt like that.

She wasn't sure how many minutes passed, as she simply relayed the scene over and over in her head, despite all her best efforts to block it out. His face, his hatred, and his overwhelming pain. All she knew was that a little while later, the loud pompous steps of Professor Slughorn made their way to her ears and then his huge barrel-like bulk rounded the corner at high, puffing and panting speed and came to a stop by her.

"Come come Blackwater," he wheezed " Punctuality is encouraged at all times in this school, except of course when circumstances…regrettable of course… intervene."

The walrus moustache quivered, a sure sign that the pudgy Proffessor was lying and his greedy hands rubbed over his round belly in unmistakable guilt. But for once Emily was too distracted to comment or even care about the Potion's Teacher's obvious hypocrisy. Instead she followed blankly, as though in a daze; the sights and sounds of her fellow students groaning and traipsing dejectedly into class didn't even register.

Emily was just about to follow when suddenly a harsh hand grabbed her arm and yanked her round, pulling her out of her silent self-lashing and back to reality without ceremony.

"Where is she?"

Emily forced her dazed eyes to focus and when she finally managed it her lips turned down in an automatic pout of distaste. James Potter didn't even flinch. Neither, she noticed with decided irritation, did he let go of his bloody painful grip on her bicep.

With a silent growl, she pulled her arm pointedly away, stepping back as though to deliberately avoid his proximity. James rolled his eyes.

"Blackwater, just answer the damn question."

Emily sucked in a dangerous breath, forcing her teeth to remain tightly shut despite that arrogant drawl and the overwhelming urge it provoked in her to kick him soundly where the sun don't shine. Focus, she loves him, you love her. Therefore…her brain's conclusion was distinctly regretful…therefore you must, you WILL learn to love him too. Arrogance, pratnishness and all. Said conclusion having reluctantly been reached Emily forced a weak impression of a smile onto her face as she said with careful politeness

"Fixing my mistakes," she sighed, "As usual."

James frowned.

"What mistakes?"

Something about the way Emily suddenly ducked her head and avoided his gaze made him instantly suspicious.

"Blackwater…" he said warningly.

Emily looked up, her chin lifted in obvious defiance, her eyes cool as blue ice.

"Mistakes made by me and my big mouth ok, Potter."

One brown hand lifted to run through his shaggy black hair in frustration and James lifted his eyes to the heavens as though asking whatever higher being existed, why on earth he had to be saddled with such damn STUBBORN woman. His lids briefly closed, long lashes brushing the silken skin beneath as he fought to keep his voice and his temper under control.

"Look Blackwater, EMILY…" he corrected, with a huff, "I know you don't like me. No scrap that; you weren't mad about me a year ago and now you positively DETEST me!"

Emily made no comment. Who was she to deny the obvious? James rolled his eyes once more as her expression remained stony.

"God knows I get why you hate me. I tore her apart, I ruined her life. I hurt her and broke her until she shattered into a thousand pieces and then I come back with a glib apology and saying that I regret every moment of it and expecting her to take me back. Of course you bloody hate me; For Merlin's sake, I hate myself!"

Her face had softened slightly but James was too wrapped up in his own confession to notice.

"I don't expect you to like me and I sure as Hell don't expect you to trust me after what I did but I really need you to believe one thing at least…"

He paused, or maybe swallowed, Emily wasn't sure. Again he rumpled his hair, making the thick, midnight black strands stick up even more chaotically than usual, before saying almost like a sigh

"I'm in love with her."

Emily blinked, her lips falling open in silent shock but he carried on, never lowering his molten gaze from hers.

"Ridiculously so. I love her so much that every second she's not near physically aches and every smile is as precious as my own life, and as long as she wants me, I'm never going to give her up, whether you disapprove of me of not. Not now; not ever. Some day I'll marry her, if she'll have me; despite the fact that I'll never deserve her, and I'll never be able to make up for what I did."

Pain flickered ever so briefly across his handsome face as Emily waited, a curious lump in her throat.

"But I'll do my damndest to get somewhere close. So that by the time she asks you to be her Maid of Honour, you'll say yes, not because of _your_ love for her, but hopefully…. because you trust in mine."

His eyes glowed with a golden determination that seemed to blaze like a forest fire. His jaw was set, his lips completely still, absent of any hint of his typical smirk so that she almost didn't recognise them. Part of her still screamed not to fall for the pretty words and the prettier face; James Potter had a tongue of honey as golden and sweet as his glorious irises. She would not be tricked by either, her stubborn unconsciousness declared furiously.

But as he held her gaze, so proud, so defiant but filled with such certainty, her lips had parted of their own accord and despite her mind's silent screams and curses Emily found herself whispering softly

"If you hurt her again…I'll kill you."

James nodded gravely, accepting and grateful for the unspoken signification behind the words. He held out his hand and, after moment's hesitation, Emily grasped it in her own slim fingers. James' grin finally was allowed to escape, and as the mischievous golden lights danced in his eyes, Emily found herself smiling just a little back.

"It's a deal," he smirked before adding as afterthought, "Though you might have to get it line. Dreamer, my mum and Sirius have all called first dips on the right to murder me if I fuck up."

It was a casual joke, meant to ease the tension and hopefully begin building the first step towards a bridge between the pair of them so James was bewildered when suddenly the girl's face, already pale next to his brown tan, turned whiter than the proverbial snow.

"Euhh Blackwater…it was a joke…you know…"

But Emily was already shaking her head her vigorously, impatiently, her lids screwing shut as she said

"No, that's where she's gone. To find Sirius, to…"

"She's done what?"

Suddenly the grip on her hand was agony, the huge strength crushing her fingers like a tonne of bricks. Emily winced both from the pain and the sheer deadly lash in his voice. She swallowed and said worridly

"I said…bad things. I asked her to go and find him. He's bleeding…inside and out."

James snarled, forcing his grip to loosen despite the sudden unbearable urge to crush the girl's wrist into smithereens. His face was dark as night as he stared down at her until she finally dared to meet his eyes.

"What did you say to him? Dammit Blackwater what did you say?"

"The truth!" she snapped back "That being a Black doesn't allow him to murder innocent people!"

James could feel his body grow cold, his mind going numb but his lips were still moving as some part of him, the trained auror part perhaps, still focused on the problem, on the danger.

"When was this…?"

"About twenty minutes ago." Emily replied, her voice low and filled with lingering regret. James nodded sharply and with a speed that made her blink, dropped her arm and spun on his heel. He was already half-way down the corridor before she found her voice and called out after him

"Where are you…?"

But he was already gone.

* * *

Lily could feel her entire body freeze. Her chest refused to move, refused to breathe. Her slim frame seemed to tremble like a ghost, at risk of being swept away and over the edge by the sheer force of the Autumn wind. It dragged her hair in every direction as though trying to force a reaction from her, a hand to push the copper mane from her eyes, a shake of the head to flick it away.

The movement never came.

Instead she stood there like a figure carved in stone, emerald eyes huge with silent fear, pink lips chapped and parted in a gasp that never escaped from her rigid throat.

Her mind was screaming, screaming at her to run, run back down the winding steps and cry for help until a teacher finally came. But she couldn't bring herself to move, fear sending her muscles into lockdown. Pain blossomed in her chest. She still wasn't breathing, she realised and as the truth registered suddenly the need for air made her gasp. She swallowed, once twice and a third time. The oxygen seemed to bring rational thought with it, analysing the situation as Moniqua had taught her, running through possibilities.

Then the dark eyes finally blinked. The beast shook it's huge shaggy bulk just once and slowly, carefully rose to it's feet.

The gasp escaped.

The animal stretched to its full, impossible height.

Lily turned to run.

* * *

Shit shit SHIT!

Air escaped through James' teeth, gritted painfully together as he ran full hint towards the secret passage that could cut the time it would take to reach the pinnacle of the Dark Tower, in half. Sprinting down the corridors at a speed impossible for normal human beings to achieve, he silently swore, praying that nobody would be wandering this part of the castle. He'd donned the cloak almost as soon Blackwater was out of sight but running full speed down a hallway whilst simultaneously keeping a heavy Invisibility Cloak wrapped around you is not the easiest thing in the world. The last thing he needed was an inquiry by either the school or the Ministry at how he had been seen reaching speeds of just under thirty-five mph.

Suits of armour whipped by like silver blurs. The cloak floated out behind him so that to any unsuspecting onlooker, it would seem that a disembodied pair of legs were sprinting down the corridor. Tapestries rustled as he flew by and portraits gaped openly, blinking rapidly as though they couldn't believe what they'd just seen.

James didn't care.

His brain was in turmoil, a thousand scenarios flashing through his mind, each with their own accompanying worries and fears.

If she'd found Sirius; had she seen him transform? What would she say? Would she hate them both for lying to her? Would the other's secrets come out too? Remus' darkest secret? His deepest shame… What would she say? Surely she wouldn't care, wouldn't think any less of him.. No she wasn't like that!

Would Sirius lash out? Could he actually hurt her? Surely he wouldn't, couldn't physically… But he'd thought that his best mate couldn't hurt any of them, couldn't hurt Remus, couldn't betray their friendship and James remembered all too well how wrong he'd been about that.

Blackwater had said he'd tried to kill another student…NO! His mind denied fiercely, he would never! But he did! He already had…He's changed, his subconscious threw back. And he loves Lily, adores her. He would NEVER EVER hurt her!

On that last adamant denial James shut the voices out, closing both his lids and his mind. He needed to get there, he could deal with the rest when he found them. When he knew what he had to deal with. But if he hurt Lily… James shook his head and upped his speed even more, growling under his breath.

He would not let that happen!

* * *

A grip on her robes heaved her back before she's taken a single step. Lily let out a cry, more of shock than anything else, as she was yanked back with furious strength, away from the doorway to safety. She fell backwards onto the hard stones, her head thrown back and the cry broke off into a gasp as the huge black shadow loomed over her, its jaws still locked around a fistful of her robes.

Immediately she struggled to get out of them, inching away from the…what was it? A dog, her mind screamed but no dog could be this BIG! Big and black and hairy and all but ready to huff and puff and gobble her up. Her shoes scraping the stones, she fought desperately to crawl away, trying to find her way out of the school robes that restrained her movement when suddenly the most unexpected sound in the world made her stop dead in pure shock.

The animal…dog, let out a low, pitiful whine.

* * *

James rounded the corner, just as his thigh muscles began to ache, protesting at the sprint up two staircases and at least a kilometre of passageways.

But the smile was tugging at his lips, despite the air fighting to get in and out of them and with a new burst of energy James shot down the corridor towards the last twisting flight of stairs that would take him to the top of the Dark Tower.

* * *

Lily stared. Surely it hadn't just…and then she heard it again, a low keening sound from the depths of the animal's throat, like a wounded puppy, lost on the roadside.

Just like that, Lily found her heart melting.

The dog looked at her with the biggest pair of dark blue eyes, so hopeless and beseeching that the abnormality of the colour didn't even register. It dropped the robes it was still holding, and they fell to the ground with a wet sloppy splat and the sound suddenly seemed so irresistibly funny that Lily let out choke of laughter.

The dog eyed her for a moment before squatting back on its massive haunches, never taking its gaze off her as though she was going to attempt to escape again. Then, with another oddly sad whine it lay down on the ground beside her, lowering it's magnificent head to rest heavily on its front paws.

Lily hesitated, inwardly chiding herself at her recklessness. Every particle of common sense she possessed was screaming at her to run and find help as she'd planned, to warn someone that a black Dutch Sheepdog the size of large bear currently inhabited one of the most deserted areas of the school. But when it rolled its liquid lapis-lazuli eyes to look at her, instead Lily hand herself nervously stretching out her hand.

The enormous head lifted, watching her every movement carefully then, with a final flick of its ears, it leaned forward and pressed the velvety black snout to her hand.

Lily let out a squeal of laughter as the cold nose touched her skin and for the first time, the dog moved its tail in happy wag.

* * *

Only ten…steps…MORE!

James felt the sunlight and the wind hit his face at exactly the same moment as he almost fell onto the stone floor of the Dark Tower keep in exhaustion. The gusts whirled and moaned, tearing his hair to black shreds and instinctively he lifted one hand to force it out of his eyes, whilst the other snatched at the cloak, looking around frantically for the pair of them.

He took a step forward, the howling winds rendering it necessary for him to clutch the cloak tightly around his body with both hand to keep it in place as he made his way around the huge circular ledge that rather resembled a ship's crows-nest. Finally, half way round the circumference, he saw them.

A huge breath escaped in a sigh of rueful relief.

* * *

"I'm worried about him. I thought he would be here…this is where he always comes when he's lonely or hurt or just wants to think."

Her hands pulled automatically at the huge silky ear she was currently scratching and the dog seemed to snuffle in response, burying its huge head deeper into her lap. Lily looked down at it with a half-smile and one eye blinked up at her before closing and settling itself more comfortably.

"I wish…Merlin it sounds silly doesn't it. Any girl in the school would kill just to have him _look _at them and here I am moaning that he doesn't tell me every little detail of his life." she shook her head ruefully, so that the crimson bangs gleamed in the sunshine but didn't move, protected as they were from the wind by the stone barricade behind them.

"I guess Em was right, I am possessive by nature."

At her words the dog seemed to tense, and somewhere deep in its chest a low growl vibrated against her legs. Lily glanced down curiously, but the dog simply nosed its way under her hand, nuzzling the cold wetness under her fingers. A little confused Lily stroked the velvet fur soothingly, her mind wandering back to the original problem as the animal settled down again.

"I just wish that he would…talk to me. So I know what's wrong. Rather than imagining and…" she let out a sigh and turned back to smile down at the animal currently trying to fit as much of its bear-like bulk into her lap as possible.

"I love him to bits and I just…I really hope he knows how much. "

Lily paused with a wistful sigh and on that sentimental note, the dog lifted its head and, to her immense shock, gave her a long, sloppy lick right down her face.

"Hey!" she squealed, rubbing the drool off her skin between helpless giggles, mock glaring down at the animal who was suddenly looking downright smug. The huge pink tongue that had just assaulted her face now lolled out of the huge mouth in a distinctly wicked canine grin.

Lily shoved it away lightly, crinkling her nose at the strong dog-breath that was way too close to her nostrils for comfort but just as the dog pushed back something made it prick up its ears. Big and black and rather batlike they swivelled left and right before suddenly the dog turned its head completely to stare at, as far as Lily could tell, absolutely nothing. She put out a hand to stroke his head reassuringly and asked

"What's up boy?"

Obviously she wasn't expecting an answer but still Lily waited, completely still as the canine's head stood poised like statue of Anubis, staring at a particular grimy part of the prison wall as though he could see a bone there.

The dog's tail gave a brief but vigorous wag and Lily blinked but a moment later it had returned to its former position in her lap, snuffling slightly into her robes and snorting comfortably as her hand came up once more to scratch behind one ear.

Lily sat back, leaning against the stone with sigh and a small smile, as her thoughts drifted to James. She hoped he wouldn't be worried about her; he had probably found out from Em where she'd gone and even if he hadn't, the Marauders always seemed to know. Later she'd go back down and wrack her brains for where her darling could be, but right now the heavy weight of her new friend's head in her lap was oddly comforting, the repetitive motion of her hand over the thick black fur as soothing as a lullaby.

Lily lent her head back against the wall and closed her eyes.

* * *

James felt the smile spread over his face as her flaming head lolled peacefully back against the stone barricade and those impossibly green eyes slipped under delicate lids. Silent as a ghost he crept forward, carefully not to wake her as he drew his wand from his pocket and whispered the warming spell over her gently rising and falling chest.

It worked instantly, and even in her sleep the welcome heat brought a sweet smile to her parted lips, so perfect and pink it was torture not to lean down and kiss them. But it might wake her and she looked so peaceful as she slept that disturbing her would be nothing short of criminal.

He couldn't however resist the temptation to brush the top of her head just briefly, softer than a sigh on her burnished locks before drawing away as just as silently.

With a regretful sigh he moved back, pausing only to give the black dog who was lying with one blue eye knowingly open, a pat on its velvet head. It made a low rumbling sound of deep contentment and again nestled itself more comfortably into the girl's lap.

James stepped away with an affectionate grin and turned to go back the way he'd came, down the steps and return to class. Just before he slipped away however he glanced back one last time over his invisible shoulder and whispered a few words only canine ears could hope to hear.

"Oh and Pads, any further up that skirt, mate and I'll tell her you were off shagging Carlisle again instead of coming to class."

The dog let out another deep rumble and shook its head slightly. One eye opened and shut in an unmistakable wink before snorting and settling back down to sleep.

* * *

James allowed his trademark smirk to curve his lips as he walked away towards the nearby archway and began descending the stairs at a rather more leisurely pace than when he had mounted them. His chest heaved in a deep sigh of satisfaction and just a little relief as he pulled the cloak off and stuffed it in his bag.

A glance at his watch told him Slughorn would be less than happy with his arriving over half an hour late to class but hey, James grinned complacently, a subtle hint that the Potions Teacher had yet to organise a SlugClub Party this year and all would be forgiven. The Marauders rarely deigned to attend these cosy evenings, in general only after a particularly vicious Anti-Slytherin Prank did they feel it wise to suck-up to the walrus and regain lost favour. The added bonus of this was the infuriation on the Slytherin's faces seeing their own Head of House falling completely under the Marauder Charm with just the lifting of a finger.

James rolled his eyes just a little cynically. A member of the Potter family had no need whatsoever of assistance from any of Slughorn's admittedly impressive contacts; if anything it was the other way round. Slughorn would have given his entire stock of crystallized pineapple to be able to say he had "collected" the sole heir to the famous Potter fortune, especially having missed one chance already.

James grinned, remembering Dad's short but beautifully succinct description of the ingratiating Professor along with countless of his Mum's hilarious recollections of the hundreds of times Slughorn had desperately tried to befriend the Potter Prodigy. James' Mum had been part of the group, never being one to miss a chance to socialise and she'd cheerfully made use of the contacts the club had provided, Jasper Nimbus, the Founder and Chief Executive of Nimbus Racing Brooms Company being one of them.

The appreciative grin suddenly faded into a thoughtful frown as the memory of both his parents reminded James of his other task for the day, one that might be rather more difficult that sucking up to Sluggy.

His feet descended the steps of their own accord; James' attention was elsewhere as he silently debated the best plan of action to take. Later he decided, this evening after class he'd ask to see the Headmaster and, hopefully persuade him to accept James' proposed plan for the following day and more importantly give his permission. James rumpled his hair automatically.

Marauder Charm was as useless as a flobberworm when matched against the all-seeing blue eyes of Professor Dumbledore. This was going to take calm, logic and reasoned arguments, he thought, jumping the last three steps and setting off on the long route down to the dungeons.

The three words he hated most.

* * *

Albus Dumbledore surveyed the boy before him over the gold rim of his half-moon spectacles, the bright blue eyes as piercing as crystal shards. The pale lined face gave nothing away, but James was oddly enough used to this. Growing up in a house with Henry Potter made one immune to such lack of response or emotion, if anything it made him feel rather more at ease.

No, what was making James twitch and fidget and flick his fingers from the safety of his pockets was the sheer time it was taking for his Headmaster to reach a decision. It was out of his hands now, he'd presented his desired plan and the arguments in favour of it, he'd listened to the old man's pleasantly posed questions and answered them as best he could. All he could do now was wait for the verdict and pray to what ever higher being existed that it would be the one he wanted.

Because if not, he was totally fucked.

After what seemed an eternity, the long fingers pulled apart from their characteristic bridge and folded themselves ominously on the desk that separated the old man and the youth.

"Very well James. You may have your way."

The boy's eyes lit up in such pure childish delight that Albus Dumbledore couldn't help but smile. James restrained the triumphant smirk with enormous difficulty, fighting the urge to pump the air and crow. Instead he fixed a bland, polite smile onto his face and said with careful control

"Thank you sir, I cannot say how much I appreciate your trust."

Dumbledore chuckled and cocked his head to the side knowingly.

"You are welcome my dear boy. Now please, run and find Mister Black or Mister Lupin and tell them of your success before you explode with repressed excitement."

At his Headmaster's words James finally allowed the massive grin his was trying so hard to repress break free from his hold, so that it spread all over that his face in a flash of brilliant white.

"I'll do that sir."

Dumbledore was still smiling but the expression had become a little pensive as though he was concentrating on something. Then just as suddenly he blinked from behind his glasses, almost in shock but before the boy before him noticed the Headmaster was already speaking once more, his smile almost as cheerful and beaming as James' own.

"I shall expect you both tomorrow around ten-o-clock if that suits you."

James nodded, the grin still stretching to his ears making him look suddenly much younger and decidedly mischievous.

"Yes, sir. Thank you."

He turned and strode out of the door to the Headmaster's office and barely had it shut behind him, when a huge triumphant "WHOOP" floated through the wood to the old man's ears.

Dumbledore shook his grey head and chuckled at the joys of young love.

* * *

For a long time the elderly man made no move, his posture relaxed, his chin nestled in the mass of his long grey beard and his fingers resting gracefully together, tip to tip, to form the strange sort of bridge he so often favoured.

Magical instruments continued their methodical, repetitive ticking. Fawkes shuffled slightly on his golden perch, opening one bleary black eye before tucking his head behind his wing once more and returning to his nap. The rich velvet hangings that partially veiled the huge, arched open window, rustled slightly as if in protest at the chilly autumn breeze. Even the many gold-framed portraits that lined the walls, seemed oddly subdued and still, their only movements small and discrete; a scratch of the nose here, a faint yawn there, before settling back down into a comfortable position, content it seemed to wait for whatever it was that would surely happen.

Another swift icy breeze flew in through the triple arch, ruffling the tendrils of grey hair around Dumbledore's face and, whether from the cold or the movement, he finally stirred.

The faintly rustling papers on the desk were stilled by an old, distracted hand; the elderly man let out a faint sigh and withdrew his gaze from the door, returning it instead to smile benignly at the joined tips of his long fingers.

"It is, of course, a pleasure to see you, my friend, but I must inquire; to what do I owe it? "

The intruder stepped out of the shadows with no visible sign of surprise, moving to stand tall and imposing before the desk with rigid yet unhurried grace.

"Need you ask? " Smooth, deep and rich, his voice gave nothing away as to his thoughts.

Dumbledore finally lifted his head, to survey the man with that twinkling gaze that was nevertheless uncannily piercing.

"To plead their cause? "

A slow, rather forbidding nod.

"If it had been necessary. "

Dumbledore's smile grew wider as he leaned forward and then gestured to the empty seat before him.

The man shook his head curtly, his expression the same careful mask as it always had been all those years ago, the same rigid posture, that tightly restrained power still battling for dominance. Twenty years had made little difference the former Head Boy; his face still the picture of harsh masculine beauty, his body as lithe and muscled as a man half his age. Even that familiar thick lock of chestnut hair falling elegantly over his brow brought back a flood of memories.

Dumbledore made no comment but continued to smile kindly at his visitor. His voice when he spoke again, however, was unusually grave.

"You still have difficulty placing your trust in others, even after all these years. "

The man's dark golden-brown eyes had been surveying the portrait that sat exactly behind the Headmaster's chair with a face devoid of any expression, but at this he returned his passionless gaze to the older man's suddenly piercing one. He paused for the briefest of moments, before replying in that same deep tone.

"I do trust them. " he said neutrally, "I will not gamble their wellbeing on that trust. "

Dumbledore chuckled softly, and the man raised one faintly haughty eyebrow, the only sign of emotion he had shown since the interview had begun. The air in the room seemed to drop ten degrees colder.

"I will organise a portkey to transport them tomorrow morning, if it is agreeable to you. I'm sure you are as busy as ever and will not waste more of your valuable time, sir. " the gentlemen finally said with the softest of drawls.

Even as he spoke, his broad-shouldered frame was already turning away from the desk but Dumbledore immediately lifted an apologetic hand to stay him.

"My apologies Henry, forgive an old man's unfeeling humour at youth's expense. Talk with me a while; it has been too long. "

Henry Potter did not freeze, rather it seemed that he was all at once still, somehow the ceasing of movement as graceful as the forward motion itself. He stood there poised and perfectly balanced for a moment, as though weighing his old Headmaster's words carefully and emotionlessly before at last, revolving just as efficiently on his heel to face the man and the desk once more.

He said not a word, those pools of molten gold as harsh and yet unfeeling as ever but the air was noticeably lighter as he took a smooth step and regained his previous position.

Dumbledore beamed and bowed his grey head in recognition of the gesture, leaning back in his chair as though wondering where to begin.

"What progress? " he finally inquired, his tone gentle and deceptively placid.

A flash of humour flickered over the younger man's face for the first time since he'd entered the room.

"Time reverses all roles, it seems. " he murmured, "None to speak of save an enigma that perhaps you may help to unravel. "

The Head of the Auror Department moved abruptly forward, his smooth white hand disappearing momentarily into the pocket of his robes only to pull out a piece of parchment and place it on the Headmaster's desk.

"A month ago our undercover auror was captured and killed in his muggle hideout. All traces of him were destroyed save only an eight digit number typed into a simple muggle mathematical device I believe is called a calculator. " he paused in his deep, curt monotone as Dumbledore picked up the parchment and surveyed it curiously through his half-moon spectacles.

"Our cryptologists have been working non-stop in an effort to unlock it's meaning but so far all attempts have been unsuccessful. Your aide in deciphering the code would be greatly appreciated. "

Dumbledore raised his blue eyes to stare pensively at elaborately crafted silver bracelet that twisted round his former Head Boy's wrist, as though the Celtic pattern could shed some light on the number's meaning.

"21052106 " he murmured pensively, "A vault number perhaps, or it's key. "

Henry shook his head so that the shining chestnut locks gleamed in the last of the evening light that filtered through the open window. As always forcibly restrained into order, the strands were longer than Dumbledore remembered, sleeked down the back of his muscular neck.

"Gringots have sworn that no such vault nor such key exists in their records. "

Dumbledore's thoughtful blue gaze returned to the small scrap of parchment, staring at it silently for a few minutes more. Then he placed it on the side with a faint sigh.

"I will think on it, Henry. " he promised, before suddenly a swift smile crinkled the skin around his eyes.

"I presume it was MJ who discovered the message. "

A secret sign of understanding flashed between the two men, and though no hint of it appeared on Henry Potter's handsome face, Dumbledore could feel the flicker of rueful amusement behind his stoic expression.

"Evidently. " then more gravely. "He was an old friend of hers, from her Muggle Studies class. "

A echo of pain flickered over Dumbledore's lined face as he pressed his hand to his brow and said softly.

"Ben Burbage. I accompanied his daughter to the funeral. "

Henry made no answer but simply waited for his former Headmaster and now trusted ally's grief to pass. A few moments later Albus Dumbledore's eyes opened, albeit with a distinct weariness but the sadness had been locked away along with the loss of the many others who had given their lives to this war. His long fingers rubbed his temples tiredly before falling back to their habitual position, the tips delicately joined before his bushy brows.

"How is…_he_? " he finally said, his voice careful and his eyes suddenly intent. Henry's mask-like expression seemed to momentarily waver, his hands clenched slowly into fists but before the man opposite could even comment, the flicker of…something, was gone quick as it had come. When he spoke, the deep velvet voice was as languid and bland as ever.

"Immortal. " Henry's lower lip curled in the faintest of sneers. Dumbledore did not laugh; the grey head simply nodded rather sadly, omitting to press further but the tall, rigid figure was already almost reluctantly continuing.

"He is tired. Life itself becomes more wearisome with each passing day. "

Henry's eyes briefly closed but a second later the flash of emotion had vanished; his face became smooth and blank as white silk once more, only his eyes glowing deepest gold seemed to show any scrap of humanity, staring upwards over Dumbledore's grey head to hover, unseeing on the sad face of the portrait behind him. Then the faintest of bitter smiles curved the very corners of his beautifully shaped mouth.

"You pronounced me guiltless all those years ago, old friend, so now tell me; if there is no guilt, how then can there be remorse? "

Albus Dumbledore did not reply and Henry Potter did not repeat the question, posed so softly, so musingly to the silent room he could have been uninterested in the answer. Instead he sighed almost wistfully, the expression on his handsome face moulded into the unreadable mask that Dumbledore remembered so well as he murmured with only the faintest hint of mockery.

"One day, he tells me. Soon, my…_soul _seems to say, but not…not quite yet. "

Dumbledore's intense gaze never wavered from his former student's face, as though trying to pierce the veil of deliberate abstraction with the power of his bright blue eyes alone, but the deep sigh a moment later could have been indication of either success or failure. The intake of breath was silent even to Dumbledore himself's ears, but as though he had heard it Henry Potter's sleek chestnut head turned, that elusive smile still curling his lower lip. For a moment his hazel eyes gleamed in cynical challenge before he smoothly changed the subject.

"And now perhaps it is your turn to enlighten me Professor; what had brought my son out of the blackness that was shrouding him so completely? "

Dumbledore eyed the man thoughtfully before answering with another, lightly curious question.

"Did you not search for an answer yourself? "

Those striking golden-brown eyes narrowed in shrewd incredulousness.

"I? I who have not used that skill for almost twenty years; No, Dumbledore, I did not. Might I ask, or is it an impertinence, why you thought I may have? "

Still the tiny furrow creasing the elderly man's already lined brow did not disappear, he frowned at the space where James had stood only fifteen minutes before, and when he finally replied it was with distinct hesitation.

"Did you not then teach him Occumency, during his training? " he murmured pensively.

Henry's expression turned unusually intense.

"I taught him the theory, but the skill is not a required element of the course. Again I ask, why these questions Albus? "

The words were spoken in the same impassive tone, but underneath there was a sharpness, an urgency that hinted at worry or even, Merlin help them, fear. Dumbledore seemed to choose his words carefully.

"At the end of last year I had reason to delve into your son's mind, " a pale, bony hand came up to check the biting comment hovering on his guest's tongue.

"Good reason, as I'm sure I need not add. " Dumbledore continued firmly, "Only when I did, I found a…blockage there, a shield that would not let me pass. "

Henry's face was absent of any hint of emotion; only the silent fire in his hazel eyes showed how grimly and how urgently he waited for the Headmaster to continue.

"At the time, James was both exceedingly angry and battling with a mixture of self-loathing and hatred that I, perhaps foolishly supposed was the unconscious cause for the walls that were locked tightly around his mind. "

Henry waited, his gaze burning with icy patience.

"It is rare. " he acknowledged with biting restraint, "but not unheard of. "

"Just so. " Dumbledore nodded, still blandly examining at the bridge formed by his touching fingertips. "And perhaps not so rare considering his parentage. "

Henry ignored both the implied complement and the brief smile in the other man's eyes, and simply nodded for Dumbledore to continue. He did so.

"Out of vague curiosity I did the same today, not expecting to find anything except the overwhelming happiness that, thank Merlin, has as you say, thrown off the mantle of darkness that was smothering him. Imagine therefore my surprise when, yet again this…shield was there, obstructing my path. My interest fully caught, I tried again, with more purpose but despite all my best efforts the wall protecting James' consciousness would not break. Instead…"

Dumbledore's face was very serious as he held his former Head Boy's scorching gaze.

"Instead…_something…_ I do not know what, lashed back against my probing which such power it almost scratched my own, you may imagine, well-guarded defences. Yet when I withdrew from James' mind he seemed to have no knowledge, no suspicion even that anything had taken place. I must ask, my boy, is this your own or MJ's doing? "

Henry moved in his swift rigid motion towards the window, staring out into the dusk in silence.

"It is possible that it is a side-effect of the spell. " he finally said slowly. He turned abruptly back to meet Dumbledore's serious gaze. "But you do not think so, do you Albus. "

Dumbledore almost smiled at the familiar acuteness that so many found disconcerting, but repressed it, shaking his grey head.

"No, " he admitted softly. "I do not. "

"Then what do you think, Dumbledore? "

The Headmaster paused, never raising his blue gaze from the tips of his fingers and when he finally pronounced his slow, cautious answer it seemed as it was with considerable reluctance.

"I think it would perhaps be best for you to trust your own judgement " without looking up he raised a hand to silence the biting irony hovering on his guest's lips, " And I think that there will be ample time for you to do so in the future. I did not feel to be malignant. "

The air in the Headmaster's study fairly crackled with tension; several of the portraits swallowed, their nervous gazes flickering nervously to the man's pale face. Once more the handsome features were closed and empty and once more only the look in Henry Potter's eyes hinted at the burning blaze of power encased in his smooth cream skin. A look of one who has passed through the fiery gates of hell itself and emerged only stronger from the other side.

Henry Potter nodded and the silence itself breathed once more.

"I will hold you to that, old friend. "

A challenge, an acceptance and a deadly promise. Dumbledore dipped his grey head in return, with a soft, suddenly weary sigh.

Another silence, longer than the last yet somehow lighter, less awkward and more thoughtful as the waves of power rippling outward from the two occupants of the room died a simple, silent death. When Dumbledore finally raised his bushy brows, Henry Potter's fathomless gaze had once more lifted the portrait behind the desk and the portrait's crinkled eyes smiled back with weary affection and almost…apologetically.

Unwilling to break the moment though he was, Dumbledore finally cleared his throat, soft and apologetic, and the Head of the Auror Department slowly lowered his hazel eyes in faint humour.

"Ask, Albus. " he prompted gently, the cynical hint of a smile just tilting the corner of his mouth. "Only by questioning do we gain answers, no?"

The Headmaster chuckled at the familiar words and the bright blue twinkle danced with a youthful gaiety somewhat at odds with his obvious age.

"I was merely reflecting Henry, that in the space of a single month I have induced quite an extraordinary number of people to lose their tempers with me in this room. It would seem I am becoming cantankerous in my old age. " he said quite cheerfully.

For a wild moment it seemed that the corners of the other man's lips twitched; portraits goggled in shock leaning forwards and rubbing their eyes to clear the fog that was obviously cheating them. But the smile that would have stunned them completely never came, and the previous Headmasters and Headmistresses leaned back in something almost akin to relief. Dumbledore however only narrowed his eyes shrewdly, the smile deepening as Henry said with smooth arch of his brows

"It would appear so. Were any of them _not_ members of my family? "

This time Dumbledore's laugh echoed softly round the room, he leaned back in his chair, hands resting easily in his lap.

"Professor Slughorn was kind enough to gratify me with his opinions on the salary I bestow upon him, but otherwise… "

The gleam in Henry Potter's could have been of either understanding or amusement. His muscular chest rose and fell in what may have been a rueful sigh

"Sirius will never change and James…James is his mother's son. " he allowed.

Dumbledore's blue eyes twinkled once more.

"And yet it took me the best part of ten minutes to convince her that he resembled her in any way whatsoever. " the Headmaster chuckled. Henry's brows raised before suddenly descending into an almost hawk-like intensity, his face once more a mask, his eyes blank.

"You would say he is…like me? " the words were soft and silken, lingering in the airs like toxic fumes, too uninterested, too gentle as the atmosphere once more became…tense.

For a long heavy moment it seemed as Dumbledore would not answer; certainly no hint of decision or reluctant resolution creased the lined face but even as the seconds stretched into minutes, Henry Potter did not move.

MJ, Dumbledore reflected with a brief inward smile, would have already be tapping impatiently with either fingers or foot, her black eyes glinting in frustration, her brilliant white teeth grinding as she fought back the outburst. Patience would never be one of the woman's many virtues; her husband however was it's human personification.

The portraits stirred uneasily as the silence drew out longer and longer, yet the two concerned parties themselves did not so much as blink. Fawkes again lifted his handsome head to throw a beady look of affection towards his master's visitor, eyeing him placidly for a moment before accepting that his friend's attention was elsewhere. The phoenix dipped it's golden beak and scarlet crest once more beneath the magnificent plumage of his wing. The wind blew softly into the room, swirling around the cluttered space, brushing copper instruments and rustling papers with childishly naughty fingers, before sweeping once more out through the arch of the window.

But the silence could not last forever and so, carefully choosing his gentle words, Dumbledore lifted his head to survey the other man over the rim on his half-moon spectacles.

"I believe he embodies the best of both of you, and yes, perhaps some of the worst. Indeed so often, one is just the exaggeration of the other. " he said quietly.

Henry Potter did not answer; only the rigid tension of his jaw seemed to hint at the force of the inward denial. Dumbledore hesitated for a brief moment before gently continuing.

"He has your ruthlessness, Henry, your cold, controlled cruelty even and he has your power though not, I would say, in it's entirety. He also has your dedication, your iron will, and most of all, he has your presence and authority of a born leader. The hero in him, the spotlight upon him, it comes from you. In short, he has your soul. "

The shortest of half-laugh was ripped from the other man's throat.

"And you find that cause for celebration Dumbledore. " The irony bit, hard and heavy with significance, the gleam in his hazel eyes pure mockery in it's challenge. But Dumbledore's blue did not flinch.

"In combination with MJ's heart, why yes I believe I do. " he affirmed softly.

The air around them crackled as Henry held the headmaster's gaze in a long look, his face unreadable in the fast fading light. Then, all at once, his fine lips did, for the first time since the meeting began, curve upwards in the very smallest of smiles.

"And who should know better than I the cataclysmic force of nature that woman's heart is. "

An affection so vast, so overpowering it was almost frightening, lingered beneath the cynicism and Dumbledore chuckled deeply, as a thousand memories flooded back.

"A force of nature indeed. Nothing, not even you, could rid her of her conviction that the pair of you, forces united, could be a team worthy of legend. Head Boy, Bodyguard, Mentor, Superior, and finally husband. She was determined to have you at her side. By your own choice. "

Laughter and fun danced in the old man's eyes, the look of a man who finds no greater joy than in observing the wonders of love. Even when Henry's eyes rolled despite his almost unbreakable mask of politeness, the school-boy grin on Dumbledore's face never wavered.

"Moniqua is nothing if not determined. " Henry murmured, refusing to meet his former headmaster's meaningful smile.

Dumbledore finally sighed, eyes still twinkling with merriment but his tone had regained some of it's earlier seriousness as he asked suddenly

"How is she? "

Henry Potter had lowered his gaze to the impressive silver and leather time watch on his wrist but at the Headmaster's words his chestnut head lifted, handsome features abruptly careful and unreadable once more. He hesitated infinitesimally.

"She is, as I'm sure you are aware, on a reconnaissance mission. In accordance to protocol, she has sent no word of either her whereabouts or her activities. "

The words were impassive but somewhat deliberately pronounced as though reciting word-perfect from a rule-book. Dumbledore looked down at the desk with a accepting nod, but the shrewd watchfulness in Henry's eyes implied he was not convinced. Sure enough, Dumbledore continued a moment later with barest hint of ingenuous amusement in his tone.

"Of course. " the tiniest of pauses, before

"And yet I cannot help but feel that, word or not, if the information was of interest…you would…invariably…be informed. "

Henry had turned towards the open window but not before Dumbledore's innocently cheerful gaze caught the brief twitch of his lips. The tall figure strode away from the desk with that inimitable fluid grace, his voice deep and rippling with faint appreciation as he said softly

"Cantankerous perhaps, Albus, but your memory would seem to be as retentive as ever. As indeed, would your infallible omniscience. "

Dumbledore leaned back in his chair with a smile filled with deep affectionate amusement.

"I fear you flatter me Henry " he chuckled "Yet I do not feel at all unjustified in returning the compliment. "

Henry Potter was already moving, his tall muscled frame poised on the point of departure but at that he paused one last time, movement ceasing as smooth and effortlessly as it had begun. He hesitated, broad back still turned towards the Headmaster as he seemed to debate internally. Then finally, soft as a touch yet as unfeeling as a ghost he said with just a lilt of cynicism.

"She is well. "

Albus Dumbledore's beaming smile stretched knowingly to his ears, his eyes two twinkling stars behind the gold rimmed glasses and above his long, crooked nose.

But his guest was already gone.

* * *

_Flashback_

_"I am sorry Mister Potter, but he has sent no word, of either his whereabouts or his activities. "_

_The boy's eyes narrowed almost shrewdly, before saying in a voice bland and smooth as silk._

_"I'm sure. And yet I cannot help but feel that, word or not, if the information was of interest, you would invariably be informed. " His words lingered on the air before the boy added almost reluctantly "Professor. "_

_The girl's black gaze flicked somewhat impatiently over to the intended hearer of this speech in a mixture of unwilling curiosity and her typical, rapidly growing impatience. _

_Moniqua Jasmina Monroe, fifteen years old, France's star seeker and almost single-handed victor of the Quidditch World Cup, was not used to being asked to patiently wait while others finished their conversations without her even sparing her more than an apologetic glance. She suppressed the natural urge to tap her brown fingers moodily on her folded arms, throwing a silent glare towards the man who still sat behind the ornately carved desk as serenely as the handsome phoenix that eyed her nearby from it's golden perch. _

_In the daylight streaming through the nearby window, it was difficult to decipher the expression on the older man's face, but some brief twinkle in those oddly piercing blue eyes made her wonder if he was inwardly laughing. The lined pale skin however remained grave and politely apologetic. The streaks of grey gleamed slightly amidst the long auburn hair and beard as the man leaned back in his chair with a rueful sigh._

_"Alas my dear boy, you place too much faith in me, but I promise that as soon as word is to be had you shall be the first to know. "_

_Moniqua glanced back at the tall rigidly standing figure, wondering if he would take offence to the implied closure of the subject, but to her surprise he made no move to press the point further. The headmaster was silent for a moment, when suddenly he turned his head and clapped his hands together, startlingly her as a beaming smile of welcome almost made her blink._

_"And now to happier things. Please Miss Monroe, forgive us for making you wait. Come forward so that we may welcome you to Hogwarts. "_

_Moniqua obediently walked to stand before the desk, hips swaying slightly in her typical lithe march and taking the hand stretched out to her with a equally friendly grin._

_"Professor Dumbledore, yes? "_

_The man had stood up at her approach, resplendent in rich purple and gold flowing robes, and she could see that although significantly past middle aged, he stood as tall, as straight and restless as a man of half his years. From close-up the twinkle in those blue eyes was unmistakable, set behind half-moon glasses and below bushy greying brows, they smiled benignly and seemed to pierce right through any façade to the very soul. His handshake too was warm and stronger than she had initially expected, and Moniqua, so used to adoring fans and ingratiating admirers felt an immediate liking for her new Headmaster. _

_Her long, thick black hair was tossed out of her face with a wide grin, showing a flash of brilliant white teeth._

_"It is I, I t'ink, 'hoo must beg a t'ousand pardons for lateness. Two days of it, _plus exactement _"_

_Dumbledore chuckled and waved his hand with a shake of his head. _

_"A memorable match and well worth the delay, Miss Monroe. And I must say, my complements on your familiarity with our language. Now before I may send you on your way to prepare yourself for tomorrow's lessons, one last formality must be completed. Mister Potter, if you would do me the favour? " _

_Moniqua turned with an odd sense of relief and excitement. She had been longing, she realised in slight surprise, for an excuse to look at the tall boy standing so cold and so rigidly beside her, ever since she'd heard his voice. The feeling annoyed her vaguely, and she forced herself to move only slowly to finally observe him with not a look to reveal the impatience she felt. The boy turned as she did, and for the briefest of moments, two gazes locked and sparks flew._

_Liquid gold and black velvet met and clashed in that single instant, his cool and faintly disdainful, hers with a brilliance and a fire that ignited into a blaze under his insultingly aloof scrutiny. _

_Then, just as suddenly, he turned smartly away, striding smoothly and surely across the room to where a shabby, black wizard's hat was jammed untidily into the space above the ornate cabinet. His back was facing her as his strong arms reached gracefully upwards, so that, to both her pleasure and irritation, she had ample time to observe him fully._

_That he was tall had been obvious from the moment she walked in, but face to face, the full affect of his height, the broadness of his shoulders and musculature of his entire physique, could be had. The uniform she had originally thought rather dull and boring was suddenly brought to life on his toned frame, neat as waxwork doll with not a crease nor a stain in sight. The gold and red cravat was beautifully tied over his fastened top button and a tiny shield glinted as it caught the light on his impressive chest. _

_The bundle of stained and creased folds carefully collected, he swung back round with that uncanny grace and walked towards the Headmasters desk without sparing another glance in her direction. Moniqua bristled, her arms unconsciously folding and her jaw setting as she now deliberately stared almost rudely up at him, as though her glare alone could compel him to give her the attention she was so used to._

_If his body had been delicious, it was nothing to the face that sat proudly lifted upon a strong, smooth neck. That pale, almost white skin stretched over high, chiselled cheekbones and a square, decidedly masculine chin. A long arrogant nose sat above lips that were full and sensuous even pressed as they were into a unmoved line. The thick, slicked-back mane of rich chestnut hair gleamed as he moved, one heavy lock falling forward to caress his broad alabaster brow. _

_Surrounded by stars and celebrities for the past four years, Moniqua had no hesitation in describing it as one of the most compellingly attractive faces she'd ever seen. _

_The tiniest of chuckles broke the Quidditch star from her thoughts and she spun round with her chin defensively lifted and her gaze defiant. _

_Professor Dumbledore smiled knowingly back, taking the hat from the marble-faced boy's grip with a buoyant nod of thanks. He gestured towards the chair opposite the desk, indicating for her to take it whilst with the other hand shaking out the folds of the hat till he held it only by the very tip._

_"If you, please Miss Monroe. "_

_Moniqua sat, pique forbidding her to throw another curious glance up at the motionless figure beside her as she did so, and crossed her legs with easy grace. She was reaching out to take the hat from the Headmaster's pale grasp when suddenly the boy gave a low cough; she couldn't help it, her eyes flashed quickly to his face, echoing the old man's who nodded politely in permission to speak._

_"If you have no further need of me sir,… " _

_The question trailed off in a slight drawl, but Dumbledore seemed not to notice the faint hint of sarcasm. Instead he nodded cheerily towards the silent figure, beaming down his crooked nose at the boy and waving towards the door with an elegant hand._

_"I beg your pardon, Mister Potter; you are of course free to go. "_

_Moniqua stared stubbornly ahead as he executed a graceful bow, turned on his heel and strode silently out of the room. _

_Professor Dumbledore returned his smiling gaze to hers and picked up the shabby, old hat once more, holding it out towards her with patient fingers. She took it, but hesitated, swallowing before finally summoning up the courage to ask in a voice carefully controlled._

_"'T'at boy; 'hoo…'hoo iz 'ee. "_

_The glow of infinite wisdom and comprehension on the elderly man's face for a moment took Moniqua's breath away. The headmaster's blue eyes danced in pure, delight and his smile crinkled and deepened the criss-cross of laughter lines around them. _

_"Henry Charlus Potter. " he said, in a voice so warm and so filled with gentle understanding that a faint flush actually tinged the Quidditch Legend's cheeks. To hide it she lifted the hat above her head and pulled it abruptly over her ears, but not before the rest of the Headmaster's words slipped slyly beneath the brim._

_"Henri as the French would say or, in your own admirable mother-tongue, Enriqué. "_

_End of Flasback_

* * *

**ET VOILA! =) Well? What d'ya think? Was it worth the ridiculously long wait? Do you forgive me my terrible lack of punctuality? PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE tell me what you think! Any questions, comments, queries send them all in really! There's so much TO talk about in this chapter, so many hints about both the future and the past that I'm practically jumping up and down in my seat waiting to see what people picked up on, what they're curious about, what they liked or didn't like. I want to hear it ALL! So please ask away and make me smile to forget my cramping fingers lol ^^ **

**PS: The very last bits I wrote haven't been proof-read as much as I try to usually do, mainly because I really just wanted to get this posted. So please bear with the faults and I'll try to get round to editing it as soon as possible; =)**

**I really really hope you enjoyed it, and as always REVIEW! =)**

**Luv y'all LOTS**

**Lili**

**X x x x x x x x x x**


	27. Chapter 27

**Alright people! This is it, part one is officially up and part two is almost finished AND I am on holiday! There's so much I want to say, apologies to make, explanations, thanks, the whole lot, but rather than saying them now, I will simply let you read this in peace. Part two will be up hopefully before the week is over and I'll leave a HUGE AN at the end to do all of these things ONCE you've read the chapter lol =) I hope you like and I really hope you like the next part even more lol, **

**Lots of love to you all! BIG big love lol =)**

**Lili**

**X x x x x x x x x x**

* * *

" Beep. Beep. Beeeeeeeeeeeeep. "

The sunlight bled through the scarlet curtains like a sponge soaking up the morning. A single slit of light shone blindingly bright through the gap between them, to beam rather brutally into the boy's eyes as he rolled over in the bed.

A brown hand shot up automatically against the glare, his lids screwing tightly shut through the thick mess of hair partially protecting them. The other hand felt blindly for the still beeping clock on the bedside table, slapping against the wood impatiently before letting out a groan as the stupid thing fell to the floor where it continued cheerily sounding it's alarm.

James Potter swore in three languages and decided it wasn't his morning.

With a grunt of disgust, he pulled himself upright against the mountain of red and gold cushions, shoved back the haystack of hair from his eyes and grabbed his wand.

" Accio alarm-clock. " he muttered blearily. The offending object soared towards him obediently, still chirping happily like some deranged bird. Without even looking up, James snatched the thing out of the air moments before it crashed into his head. At least his chaser reflexes hadn't deserted him for a lie-in. James ran a tired hand over his face and forced his eyes to focus on the little round clock-face. Nine thirty am. What the fuck was he doing up on a Saturday at nine….

SHIT!

James Potter leapt out of bed as though a manticore had stung him on the behind. Standing there rather like a cornered rabbit the seventeen-year turned his head wildly around the room. Easy, focus James. Half an hour, that's fine, no problem. They were still good. Whoooh. Shower. Ok.

James grabbed the towel from the pile of folded ones the house-elves replaced every night and ran to the bathroom door, his mind buzzing with everything he had to do, and silently praying that Lily at least had got up on time and wasn't still using the facilities.

On the other side of the wall in the Head's Common Room, Lily Evans, listened with an evil grin to the sounds of someone frantically running around the bathroom. With a satisfied sigh, she leaned back against the couch and settled back once more into her book.

Should she remind James that he'd moved the hands forward one hour to avoid any chance whatsoever of being late? A tiny yelp from the bathroom, possibly from someone nicking themselves whilst shaving just a little too fast, floated through the stones to her ears. Lily smiled.

Nahhh.

* * *

" I still can't believe you did that. " James was still grumbling just over an hour later. Lily lifted her nose out of the book and smiled up at him innocently.

" Correction, Potter. YOU changed the time on the clock to an hour earlier. I merely… " the smile stretched into an all-out smirk. "…observed. "

James shot the grinning red-head a glare and continued running over the plans for the day in this head, ticking off each phase on his lean fingers, much to Lily's amusement. She'd hadn't seen James this nervous since ex-chaser Nate, got himself landed in the hospital wing with pneumonia less than a week before the Quidditch Final in fifth year. James Potter never showed signs of stress, never second-guessed himself, never worried about plans and organisation. Heck, he never made them in the first place.

James lived life as it came. Looking before leaping was for wimps, taking the safe option for cowards. James was a Gryffindor and therefore neither. Lily looked over to her fellow Head once more, allowing the loving grin to tease up her lips and warm her eyes. She had fallen in love with him _because_ of his recklessness, his decisiveness and his iron determination to live life to the full.

He was the complete opposite of her more cautious, logical nature. So brave he seemed almost fearless, so brilliant he'd never imagined not succeeding and so sure of himself that arrogant or not, one couldn't help but trust him. He was a leader and tower of strength, unbreakable and unwavering even in the face of impossible odds.

He was the reason that she closed her eyes and jumped because he was the one waiting to catch her at the bottom. And knowing that, nothing else could hurt her.

Which was why seeing him in an unguarded moment, out of control, checking and re-checking every little detail, it seemed all the more adorable.

In a burst of affection Lily leapt up from her seat and flew across the room to jump onto his back and hug him so tight he almost choked.

" Erghh…Lils… "

She slid down his back till her feet touched the floor but her arms stayed in place, wrapped around his torso as she buried her face into his black t-shirt and simply breathed in his clean, unfairly _male _scent.

James waited for a minute, expecting her to let him go, but when she didn't he dropped his hand and laid it over her joined ones, curious at what was running through her mind. His calloused palm rubbed over her smooth white fingers soothingly, simply taking a moment to simply wonder at the fact that this was really happening. She was really here, she really wanted him and this dream wasn't one he was going to wake up from.

The minutes slipped silently by as Lily buried her face deeper into the folds of black cotton to press against the hard muscle beneath. Excitement for the day ahead was still there, tickling her throat and playing havoc with her tummy but right then… She sighed in a mixture of contentment and longing. Right then, a very very big part of her just wanted to drag him over to the couch and fall back to sleep in his arms.

But however tempting the idea was, James was not going to let his brilliant plan go to waste.

" Lils, much as I like where this is headed, Dumbledore's orders were ten o clock on the dot! "

She slid her fingers round his stomach and interlocked them in silent challenge. James exhaled in a mixture of laughter and exasperation.

" Evans… " he said warningly.

A muffled giggle was her only reply and a martial glint sparked in his hazel eyes.

" Right. "

He reached round his back and without warning, began mercilessly tickling the girl's sides. Lily let out an almighty squeal and almost choked on his t-shirt, squirming and wriggling away from his evil fingers like a deranged eel. James grinned wickedly and redoubled his efforts, teasingly them madly around her waist, up and down, back and forth as she tried desperately to cringe out of danger.

" James…no, STOP! " another muffled squeal. " DON'T! "

The battle raged for almost a minute as the girl latched on with a grip of iron, giggling into the boy's back as he determinedly fought to prise off her limpet fingers. Finally James managed to reach round right up to her arm-pits and with a whimper of laughter, his assailant pushed away from him to protect her most ticklish area with her hands, her glare rendered rather pointless with her chest still shaking with giggles.

James put on his most cocky smirk and folded his arms triumphantly. Lily snorted and turned her little nose away from him. The smirk stretched wider still.

" Hey, no one likes a clingy girlfriend. " he shrugged apologetically and grinned his most innocent grin, tiny lights of mischief dancing in his eyes.

Lily's jaw dropped in pure indignation and the sight of her struggling for words to express her outrage made his throw back his handsome head and let out a deep shout of laughter.

A second later he was at her side, arms slipping sneakily round her waist before she had time to blink and wicked grin grazing the soft curve of her neck. Lily pushed him away with a huff, ignoring the effect of the his warm breath and vibrating laugher had on her heartbeat. She folded her arms and raised her brows pointedly.

" Are we going? "

James winked impishly and checked his pockets, miming words too quick for Lily to catch as he ran one last time through his mental list. Then he lifted his gaze back to hers and smiled as angelically as a baby.

" All good. "

Lily sniffed and marched over to the portrait hole, only to pause with one hand resting lightly on the handle.

" You sure this is alright? " , she asked for the seventh time, indicating the formfitting jeans, black jumper and matching boots with a worried expression. James smirked, fixing his gaze on the rather low neck-line obediently, all innocently appraising. He tilted his head consideringly and shrugged.

" Well, if you can't go naked… AIE! "

Lily snorted as he theatrically rubbed the back of his head and fought to repress a rather satisfied grin. But the doubts returned a moment later; James had refused to even hint at where they were going, and had merely laughed when she'd pleaded wardrobe advice.

James noticed her biting her lip and his grin turned softer.

" Trust me, it really doesn't matter what you wear to get there. "

Lily's eyes widened.

" We're changing th… " his finger pressed against the warm pad of her lips, effectively silencing her.

Lily glared up at him threateningly but oddly enough, rather than pulling away from his mocking touch, her lips spread slowly into a smile, which turned into a grin, which became a smirk before;

" Ahh! "

The boy's hand shot back as though he'd been zapped, his face a picture of disgusted disbelief. Lily burst into a gurgle of laughter and waggled her pink, pointed tongue tauntingly at him, the same tongue she'd sneakily surprised him with. James wiped his hands on his jeans with theatrical distaste before shooting her his most devilish grin,

" No chance of you aiming a little lower…? "

On cue the Head Girl flushed to the roots of her matching hair and James chuckled with wicked triumph. The love of his life eyed him darkly for a moment before shaking her head and raising her brows in laughing exasperation.

" We're already late, Potter. "

James' eyes turned wide and, if impossible, even more wicked.

" Now she tells me…Aie, Aie Aie! Not the t-shirt; this baby got me on the front page of " 'Mazing Muggle Menswear! "

He dodged out of reach of her poking fingers, slipped behind her and before she could pull out her wand, had deftly pinned her arms to her side. She struggled for a minute before finally accepting defeat and pouting up at him with a heartbreakingly wounded expression that would have made a tiger weep.. James fought to repress the adoring grin and didn't quite succeed. With a sigh he leant down and pecked her on her nose before gripping her shoulders and directing her firmly towards the portrait hole.

" Out. " he said commandingly, looking down his long, straight nose at her like his Dad did when he wanted something done.

Lily stared at him blankly over her shoulder for a moment before breaking into peels of laughter. She was still giggling as he steered her out the archway and into the corridor and James rolled his eyes and inwardly huffed at the meanness of bloody-minded females.

The man with the mirror watched them go with a faint smile upon his wizened features until the sound of the teenagers footsteps was all but gone.

He turned back to his heart's desire and was still, his hungry gaze never wavering.

* * *

Albus Percival Wulfric Brian Dumbledore was sitting behind his desk, facing the young man who stood, tall and rather arrogantly on the other side of it, when his two head Students burst unceremoniously through the door to his study. At their entrance both youth and elder turned, the first with a toss of silky black hair, the second with a benign welcoming smile.

Lily and James heaved for breath for a few moments, holding their chests after running through eleven corridors and down three flights of stairs at full pelt. James recovered first, as was to be expected and the diminutive redhead at his side glared at him ferociously as he stifled the mocking grin and strode forward towards his brother.

The two grasped each other's forearms in a brief but meaningful gesture. Worried hazel and gold locked with those sparkling pools of forget-me-not blue in a silent flash of deep, limitless understanding but for the other occupants of the room it seemed, James spoke the wordless question aloud.

" You're going then. " he said softly and Sirius grinned his wild, almost manic grin.

" Hell, yeah! I've got a pale, pointy nose to smash if…well, you know. "

James nodded gravely, gripping a little tighter in discreet sympathy and Sirius's gorgeous smile flashed again, still reckless but unquestionably strained too. Lily heaved one final, straightened upright and came forward, staring at her darling with a frown between her brows, glancing from one handsome face to the other.

" Sirius is…coming with us…? " she asked dubiously.

That she adored Sirius was obvious, but somehow even as easy-going a girl as Lily couldn't help but be a little less than thrilled at the thought of her love's best mate and crony coming along on what she had assumed was to be a romantic day out. The boys read her expression like a book and cracked into identical smirks.

James shook his shaggy head mockingly at her silliness, causing those pretty lips to pout once more but before she could comment, Sirius reached forward and pulled the redhead into a breathtaking hug that all but crushed the life out of her.

" Have a good day, yeah babe? And give Mrs Flipsy my love. "

" Sirius! "

" Shit, sorry mate. Moving on, " Lily giggled. James rolled his eyes and Sirius grinned at his brother in what was supposed to be an apologetic manner, before turning back to the redhead and squeezing even tighter.

" When you get back, we'll talk ok? " he whispered in her ear, " Marauder's honour. "

His beautiful face was unusually serious as he pulled away and Lily searched it worriedly for answers. None were forthcoming and before she could open her mouth to ask, Professor Dumbledore who had so far been waiting silently for the teenagers to finish their goodbyes, coughed gently.

At once James's head flashed round to the stately grandfather timepiece that stood between two huge bookcases and at the sight of it, his eyes widened.

" Lils, " he said, indicating towards the desk horridly and she was there immediately, looking back with one last smile towards their friend who was grinning at them rather sappily. As though he realised it, Sirius made haste to dab mockingly at fake tears and said fondly

" Ah…they grow up so fast. "

James rolled his eyes and took the scarf his headmaster was holding out to him with a nod of thanks. Professor Dumbledore chuckled merrily at their antics but as the Head Boy handed one corner of the material to his partner, the elderly man said a little more seriously.

" You will be back here at five-o-clock, Mister Potter. " James nodded quickly and grinned his most innocent smile. Dumbledore's blue eyes twinkled and he said even more meaningfully.

" And you will not leave the confines of the grounds. "

Again James nodded earnestly, trying his hardest to look both responsible and mature but the effort failed when the boyish excitement escaped and he grinned like a schoolboy caught out planning his next mischief. Lily giggled and shook her auburn head, smiling up at the Headmaster.

" I'll make sure he does Professor. " Albus Dumbledore returned the smile kindly and glanced at the clock.

" One minute to ten, you should be gone…now. "

And with a loud pop, they were.

The two remaining occupants of the room gazed at the spot the pair had occupied thoughtfully for a moment. Then the ageing headmaster turned to the youth with a slightly sadder smile and indicated with a lined hand towards the fireplace.

" It is, I believe, time, Mister Black. "

Sirius nodded wordlessly, and with a swish of his hair marched forcefully in the direction the hand was pointing in, pausing only when he stood right in front of the carved oak mantelpiece. He reached out to the little pot that sat on top of it and when his hand was pulled back, his fingers were clasping a fistful of curious green power that sparkled secretively in the morning daylight.

Sirius lifted his arm to throw the powder into the fire when that kind, understanding voice said softly

" Do not feel in any way obliged to do this, Mister Black. If you do not wish… "

" I do. "

Sirius cut him off, rather rudely he would realise in hindsight, with a fierce shake of his head and took a deep breath. He cast the handful of Floo Powder into the flames and at once they roared and turned a poisonous green.

" Saint Mungo's Hospital. "

* * *

The room was dark when the boy and girl tumbled to the floor with protesting muscles and rather queasy stomachs. The ground they landed on was a magnificent parquet flooring that gleamed proudly in the half-light as the pair got unsteadily to their feet. Lily accepted the hand outstretched to her with an absent smile, taking in every detail of the little room eagerly, from the rich wood panelling to the elegant cream wallpaper, obscured in parts by huge floor-to-ceiling bookshelves crammed with volume after volume, all spotless and beautifully arranged.

They were in a medium-sized, rather formal looking reception room. Two scroll couches, with a matching cream upholstery formed an " L " in front of the fire place, and luxurious mahogany side-tables and cabinets caught Lily's eye, as did the ornate silver candelabras that gleamed proudly in the sunlight pouring in from the huge windows that lined one wall. Through them, Lily could just make out the cold but sunny day, a formal garden with a carpet of green grass and fruit trees framing a beautiful stone fountain.

But pretty as the picture was, it still meant nothing to her. No clue at all in fact as to where they were or what they were doing here. The curiosity had been eating her up inside all week; now that James' " plan " was about to finally be revealed, she was quite annoyed to find herself on the point of squealing with excitement.

The trademark smirk on James' face showed all to plainly that he knew exactly what she was thinking; it was even more arrogant than usual; his entire posture screamed of self-satisfaction and Lily rolled her eyes at his childishness.

He grabbed her hand and pulled her to towards the door, his own excitement easily the equal of hers. He was almost skipping, Lily struggled to contain her laughter. James would be appalled at such an insult to his precious macho manliness.

" Come on, this way. " he beamed boyishly over his shoulder at her, and she thought her heart might just explode with love for the idiot. She followed him willingly, not even protesting as he half-dragged her down the gloomy corridor in his enthusiasm. Her peels of laughter echoed off the walls like bells, and several portraits stirred from their slumber to eye the pair curiously as they passed.

" James! " she giggled, " Slow down! Where…where are we going! "

James threw his most devilish grin over his shoulder and kept infuriatingly silent, his eyebrows waggling manically at her.

They turned a corner, arriving in a stone gallery with an immensely high vaulted ceiling and stone archways dipped in shadow. There were no portraits here, and it was oddly silent, with a staircase descending underground to their left and again, huge floor-to-ceiling windows obscured by velvet curtains, this time closed, blocked out the daylight on their right side.

" James…OOF! "

She collided with that muscular back with such a thump it was like running into a brick wall. Lily straightened her rather dishevelled hair with a expression between exasperation and rueful amusement and was just about to demand why they'd suddenly stopped when the boy in front of her swung around and promptly fastened his smirking lips to hers.

Lily's mind, as so often seemed to happen around the prat, went completely blank, so that all she could feel was the hot pressure of his mouth ravishing her own, the strong caress of his tongue as he delved deep inside, his hands scorching through her jumper.

The hard discomfort of stone on her back made her eyes fly open briefly; she hadn't even notice him pushing her towards the wall. He had deftly steered them into one of the arched niches in the wall, out of sight of any passer-by, but all at once her lids were fluttering closed again, as his brown fingers tangled themselves in her thick tresses. The other hand danced tauntingly across the bottom of her jumper, before slipping teasing underneath and dragging slow enough across her skin to leave goosebumps in their wake.

The minutes flew by, the teenagers were too lost in each other to notice, their touches becoming more and more frantic. Her soft curves moulded to his hard frame. Her hands delving under that fitted black-t-shirt and running up golden muscles to press his broad shoulders even closer. His hips grinding slowly but with gathering need into hers. Tongues battling, heartbeats pounding, and lips fusing in raw, heated desire. She ran her tongue across his lower lip and sucked on it, the smile tilting the corners of her mouth. Her pearly teeth parted and then nipped and his throaty groan escaped before kissing her even harder. And talking of hard…

Almost as he had read her thoughts, James suddenly pulled away, the picture of sexiness with those pink swollen lips and his hair even more dishevelled than usual. Her hands slid down to splay appreciatively over his broad chest and she leaned up, wanting more but to her surprise and disappointment, he pulled further away. The satisfied smirk made her scowl and she huffed as the golden lights danced mischievously in his eyes. His voice was still slightly hoarse when he spoke, but none the less teasing for it.

" One last snog before I behave myself, " he grinned, enjoying her expression. Lily looked distinctly unimpressed. Then she frowned in bemusement, lifting her head to stare up at him in adorable confusion.

" We're not…you're not going to…kiss me? " she blushed but her tone was indignant, and James had to smother a laugh.

" Hell yeah. But this, the _real " _throwing-you-against-the-wall-and-snogging-the-living-daylights-out-of-you " kissing…will have to wait under later. Trust me; you'll see why. "

" Hmmf. " Lily pouted, unconvinced, but allowed her infuriating love to take her hand once more and resume his pulling her down the eerily silent gallery. Their feet sounded unnaturally loud, slapping against the flagstones, and the suits of armour that guarded each stone pillar seemed to watch them silently as the passed, but maybe it was her imagination. James looked completely at ease, marching down the fifty-foot long space as though he'd lived here for years. But where _was_ here?

" James, where are we? " she asked with a little difficulty, as most of her breath already in use to keep up with the long-legged Quidditch Captain. " And what are we _doing_ here? "

He hesitated before giving a rather pathetic half-answer.

" At the moment? We're running like maniac's to get to the place where we're supposed to be. " he shot her a grin over his shoulder and she exhaled in frustration.

" Don't play dumb, Potter! »

" Couldn't even if I wanted to. " he threw back promptly, his smile a blinding flash of unfairly white teeth.

Lily sucked in her breath and prepared to launch into a beautifully direct and detailed description of his more-or-less permanent stupidity but just as she was about to deliver this masterful set-down James slowed to a stop before the large wooden door at the very end of the gallery.

A twist of the gold knob and Lily suddenly blinked as blindingly bright daylight struck her eyes like a slap after the gloomy corridors. When sight returned, she gazed around their new surroundings blearily.

They were another long hallway, lined with over twenty doors on each side, but the sunlight poured in from a roof that, Lily gasped in wonder; was made, entirely from glass.

James followed her gaze and grinned but didn't allow her time to admire it fully. He reached out, grabbed her hand once more and led her towards the fifth door on the right, knocking on the wood politely, his cocky smirk widening as Lily's expression became even more confused.

Barely had he drawn his hand away from the door, did it swing open and a little creature, wizened like a dried out apple looked up at them with huge tennis-ball eyes. Lily stared at it in surprise, taking in the smartly-ironed tea towel that was draped around the little body, and the emblazoned " P " embroided in gold across it's breast. What did it stand for?

James took a deep breath and batted those thick long black lashes innocently and pulled out his widest, winning smile.

The wrinkled creature folded it's bony arms and pronounced in direst accents

" Master Jamie…you is LATE! "

* * *

The words fell as awfully as a death-sentence and looking at the effect they had on the cocksure seventeen-year old, they almost might have been one. Lily blinked. James let out a nervous half-laugh and his hand reached out to rumple his thick black hair.

" Well actually Mrs Flipsy, ahhh, Dumbledore's watch is a little slow and he messed up the portkey timing, and so the one to blame is really… "

He trailed off as the house-elf glared even more ferociously.

" Master Jamie…you is LYING! "

Lily almost burst out laughing as, under his golden tan, James turned almost pale.

" Master Henry is telling Flipsy how he has set the portkey for ten-o-clock and you is here at twenty-past. "

The red-head's cheeks flushed the same colour as her hair, remembering all too clearly where the ten minutes had gone. But watching James Potter being though roughly given a tongue-thrashing was too much of a treat to ignore and so she turned her attention back to the pair; the boy was down looking sheepishly at his shoes and the tiny elf who stared up at him almost thunderously.

" You is eleven minutes late AND you is lying to a Lady!"

With a mountain of experience behind him, James recognised defeat decided to cut his losses. Putting on his most penitent face, he promptly bowed his head in deepest shame.

" Mrs Flipsy, I most humbly beg your pardon. It will never happen again. "

The snorted, taking Lily by surprise before suddenly the creases all over her little face deepened as she broke into a wide toothy grin.

" And now you is, how does Mistress put it? PISS-TAKING! "

Lily burst out laughing. The elf turned to her and her wrinkled smile stretched even wider.

" You is Miss Evans. Mistress has talked of you much. Flipsy is happy to meet the protegé of Mistress Moniqua. "

Her ears flapped wildly, echoing the warmth of her grin and Lily smiled shyly back, holding out her hand. Mrs Flipsy took it a surprisingly strong grin and pumped it up and down enthusiastically.

" You is pretty, the Mistress says and t'is true, yes very very much. Come with Flipsy. Hurry, we must hurry, to make up for Master Jamie's foolishness. Come, come with me. "

The elf pulled her into the room with the hand she had just shaken and Lily followed, gurgling with laughter at the look of business-like determination on her face. She stumbled through the door, taking in the new surroundings with wide-eyed curiosity so that she almost didn't hear Mrs Flipsy's short but beautifully succinct

" YOU Master Jamie, will learn also to wait! "

And the door slammed shut in a very surprised looking James' face.

* * *

Lily could barely stop giggling and Mrs Flipsy shook her head indulgently.

" He is a nice boy, is Master Jamie, oh yes, but firm with him you has to be. He will change in his…ahh, in another room, yes. "

Lily broke out of her awe-struck contemplation of the gorgeously decorated bedroom they were standing in to turn quickly around with a wondering smile.

" James is changing too? Ahh, Mrs Flipsy. " she added on hurriedly, pink staining her cheeks, but the elf returned the smile kindly, her head bobbing happily up and down in affirmation

" Yes, Master Jamie has everything planned, Miss. Quite a ruckus he caused too, " the tennis ball eyes twinkled, " Everything had to be just so, perfect-perfect for Misses coming. »

Lily blushed even redder and laughed a little self-consciously, but the elf gave her no time to feel uncomfortable.

" Now come, we too must be busy busy. " she grabbed the girl's hand once more and pulled her eagerly towards the magnificent four-poster bed, hung in gleaming blue silk and silver tassels, that dominated one half of the room. Again an entire wall was made of crystal clear glass, leading out onto a balcony and beyond aces of green fields almost stung the eyes in the bright October sunshine. Mrs Flipsy was fussing over something that lay across the bed but Lily's attention was suddenly completely elsewhere. She stepped closer to the French doors, one hand pressing against the glass as the dark forest on the horizon, the small grey building just before it, all at once was abruptly familiar.

" We're in the Manor! " she exclaimed, so loudly and with such surprise that the house-elf behind her started.

" Miss? "

Lily swung round impatiently, pointing out the window towards the out-building that she had spent almost two and half months in.

" That's the training outpost! I stayed there all summer with Moniqua, I mean, MJ. But why…? " she turned to Mrs Flipsy who was suddenly blinking up at her very innocently. " Where are we, Mrs Flipsy? "

The elf spread her knobbly little hands and answered immediately,

" We is in a Wizarding Manor Miss. "

" But… "

" Master Jamie wants it to be a surprise Miss. " she lifted her finger conspiringly to her lips, " So Flipsy must say no more. Flipsy promised. "

Lily huffed impatiently but with one final frown out the window, she allowed the elf to push her back towards the bed and the object she was obviously so intent of showing her. When Mrs Flipsy held it up Lily blinked in shock.

" Euhh…is that…for me? "

Mrs Flipsy nodded so hard her head seemed in danger of being thrown off. Completely oblivious to the blank look on her guest's face, she continued enthusiastically

" Yes yes Miss, the Master had it taken out especially! For the first time in years and years! "

Looking at the plain white cotton sack, Lily found herself able to agree wholeheartedly with whoever had put it into storage in the first place. The dress being so reverently clasped in the elf's bony fingers was, quite possibly the ugliest she had ever seen.

Mrs Flipsy was beaming at her as though presenting an Olympic medal and unable to disappoint such sincere kindest Lily fixed a bright smile onto her face and took it from her with as much pleasure as she could muster.

" It's…Thank you! " Mrs Flipsy waggled her ears and dabbed at the beginnings of tears. She took the dress from her and waited, wreathed in smiles and Lily, understanding all too well, shelved her outraged sense of style and began to undress, until she stood clad in only her lace white underwear.

Any embarrassment she might have felt being so exposed in front of an absolute stranger, was quickly put to rest by Mrs Flipsy's kind and professional manner. The little elf barely spared her a glance; instead she carefully helped her charge to step gingerly into the dress and closed it up at the back with a snap of her fingers. The ribbons on the corset-style back threaded themselves and knotted with a bow just above the shoulder blades.

Lily sighed, reflecting that however plain, the dress was at least comfortable. Very comfortable in fact, she twisted side to side; it fit like a second skin, soft and smooth and luxurious over her body that she found herself frowning. She turned to the elf, her brow still creased in confusion but the question on her lips was never spoken as she blinked at the sudden awe-struck expression on that small wrinkled face.

" Miss is… " she couldn't seem to continue. Lily half-laughed, completely perplexed and fiddled uncomfortably with a lock of hair.

" Is it…that bad? " she asked, wincing as the elf's mouth fell open in shock. Mrs Flipsy gaped at her, unable to speak for almost a full minute when suddenly, inexplicably she burst into peals of choked-up laughter.

" You not know? Oh bad master Jamie! He is not telling you and Flipsy thought… Come, come! And look, "

With another snap of her fingers the huge two meter tall mirror on the other side of the room, rose into the air and crossed the space to hover silently before the pair.

Lily stared.

It was without a doubt the beautiful, perfect, stunning dress she'd ever ever seen. Lily couldn't drag her eyes away. The drab smock was gone; in it's place was a gown of sheerest white sarsenet, over whiter silk, with pearls and tiny flowers embroided almost invisibly so that only when the light them, did they gleam like a thousand stars. Full-skirted and close-bodiced, it made her waist as tiny and delicate as a fairy's, the strapless corset hugged her breasts and lifted them lovingly. Sleeves of trailing translucent material ghosted over her arms from the curve of her bicep down past her wrists.

It was perfect. As perfect as a dream. Lily felt a lump in her throat and had to fight to speak.

" It's…wonderful. " she breathed, " But how…? "

" T'is goblin made Miss, " Mrs Flipsy said soberly, " Twas Mistress Dorea's; Master Jamie will tell the story, much better than Flipsy he knows it. But come, Flipsy will bring your shoes. "

Lily gasped as the elf disappeared into the side door and returned with slippers of, no not quite glass, but softest white silk. She put them on as though in a dream, one that she would wake up from any minute, marvelling at how well they fit and how the dress seemed moulded to her form.

Unable to resist Lily stood up and moved to stand speechless in front of the mirror once more, taking in every detail with awe. The gown rustled as she moved, she couldn't help but feel grateful for the sound; without out it she would have wondered if she was indeed imagining things. The dress was simply to perfect to be real.

Mrs Flipsy's low cough startled her out of her thoughts.

" If Miss is ready? " she asked politely, and Lily gave one last, long look at the vision in the mirror. Then she turned with a brilliant smile and nodded, laughter suddenly escaping from her lips like peals of bells.

" Yes, Miss is definitely ready…to go to the ball. "

The elf looked blank but Lily was too caught up to care as she twirled around, in a swirl of silk, skirts and smiles and finally Mrs Flipsy shook her head indulgently.

" Then to the ball, we is going. " and snapped her fingers.

The Fireplace at Saint Mungo's was not a public one. It wa

* * *

s well known to be in fact reserved for professional usage only, linked to the Ministry, to Hogwarts, the Muggle Parliament and other such important edifices. Therefore, the sudden flash of green in the roaring flames rather understandably caused every occupant of the Entrance to jump in alarm. They were, oddly enough, of quite a remarkable number; the entire hall was in fact filled almost completely to the brim.

The youth who stepped out the flames in a cloud of dust, blinked but otherwise showed no outwards sign of surprise at this invasion of reporters and photographers. Until they all swung round and leapt on him with almost fanatical gusto.

Sirius cringed back from the microphones and the camera flashes in alarm and barely concealed disgust. But the sneer seemed to go unnoticed; the women's eyes sparkled with huge hearts and even the men were momentarily awestruck as the young Adonis glared around him in obvious contempt.

"Sir! Are you too here to see Mademoiselle Charis? A fellow model perhaps? "

"How long have yourself and Miss Charis been dating? "

"Where did you two meet? "

An particularly rotund reporter found himself knocked forwards by the pushing and shoving crowd, so that he all but fell on top on the seventeen year-old and Sirius threw the podgy idiot off him with a clenched jaw, his temper rising more every minute. Searching impatiently for a way through the eager throng, those beautiful eyes sparkled like polished tanzanite, his lips curling as his hackles rose and both Sirius and Padfoot snarled silently in frustration.

"Get out of my way," he growled as another bimbo all but smothered him with the breasts pushing out of her too-low-cut blouse.

But happily for everyone, just as Sirius drew his wand and prepared to hex them all into oblivion, a man hustled his way to the front, slightly out of breath from the effort.

"Monsieur Black I beleeve, come come, pleeze follow me. » He wheezed before turning on his heel and preparing to launch himself back into the hoards.

Sirius scowled but didn't comment, partly because the man was almost out of sight, his rather short stature swallowed up by the tide. So the seventeen-year-old simply rolled his eyes and did the same.

They were unwilling to let their headline face escape but ten minutes later, Sirius finally reached the door the stranger was doing his best to hold out for him and, with one last "accidental" kick to one of the photographers, he slipped through and slammed it shut behind him.

They were in a side-passage way, clean and white in true-hospital fashion with large windows looking into what looked like the Healers offices and just up ahead five or six men and woman in quite coats sat on couches in a large open space that could only be a coffee break room. It was obviously at the back of the building, out of the way of the public but no one seemed to blink when the pair stumbled through the door with a loud bang. Instead many of them waved and nodded with understanding smiles and rueful sighs.

Decidedly dishevelled and his temper in shreds, Sirius ignored them summarily and turned to the man who had helped with a face like thunder but to his credit, the little guy didn't flinch. Instead he broke out into a boyish grin, black eyes twinkling like as he pushed back the strands of equally black hair that obscured his gaze.

"Ahhh, you English are so _enthusiastic_, yes?" he spoke jovially with a strong French accent, apparently oblivious to the acid look the youth was now giving him. Sirius ground his teeth but kept his lips tightly closed. His rescuer held out his hand, friendly manner not in the least impaired and said almost excitedly,

"Monsieur Black, may I beg leave to introduce myself." he beamed, "I am_ Louis François Delacour_, and it is a pleasure!"

"For you perhaps," Sirius muttered but instead of taking offence, the man burst out laughing.

" Ah ze English humour! It is _merveilleux_! Now come, come. Mademoiselle, she is waiting. "

Sirius frowned, confusion and curiosity momentarily overcoming his bad temper.

" I'm…expected?" he said, staring at the Frenchman as though wondering if he was in fact, quite sane. Monsieur Delacour nodded earnestly, that beaming smile never leaving his brown face.

" But yes Monsieur, Mademoiselle was present when Monsieur Malfoy received the Headmaster's owl. "

At the mention of the name Malfoy, the atmosphere immediately turned heavier. Sirius' eyes flashed with deadly hatred and even Monsieur Delacour's cheerfulness faltered momentarily at the thought of the tall, pale and very dangerous man. But the smile returned, though at little strained and Louis continued after a brief moment, his voice warming once more as he spoke

" Yes, ze monsieur was…not best pleased but Mademoiselle Charis was able to…smooth things over. So young, so fearless; she is _incroyable_, but assuredly. "

Sirius frowned again, his dark, brows meeting in a black " v " as he fought to comprehend the man's ramblings.

" You are an…associate of the Model Mademoiselle Charis? " the question was coldly uttered, but Louis Delacour nodded again without any trace of rancour.

" Yes, I am 'er manager, 'er how do you say it…her _agent, _no? "

Sirius carried on as though he hadn't even heard the answer.

" Then what…what does this have to do with me? I am here to see Mistress Narcissa Evangeline, " he hesitated before spitting out the word, «…_Malfoy!. _You say Miss de Belle-Isle was present when Dumbledore sent word. Why…? "

" _Mais Oui, Monsieur. _Mrs Malfoy she sleeps finally, so Mademoiselle was awaiting in the ze Private Waiting Room with Monsieur and myself. As I have said ze Monsieur was not pleased _mais_…"

Sirius took a deep steadying breath and with all his legendary calm, said slowly,

" So your Miss Charis, is not fact ill as all the world supposes; she is here….to visit Narcissa. "

The words seemed torn between a statement and a question, as Sirius himself was not entirely sure if the conclusion he had drawn up was correct. It seemed incredible, that the world-famous model should happen to be a friend of his cousin, but then, Sirius remembered suddenly, she had been brought up in France. For four years, no less. How could he of all people have forgotten her arrival during the Marauder's third year.

That beautiful face darkened as the memories flew back, very few of them pleasant and another deadly wave of loathing swept over him for the son of a bitch he would have to speak civilly to in less than five minutes times. Disgust seeped through his veins, sending tingles of anger to his finger-tips, clenching them into brown fists

With an effort Sirius controlled the black rage, frowning as Monsieur Delacour nodded his head once more.

" Yes yes! But come we will go and you will speak to 'er! She is eager to make your acquaintance, _oh mais oui_! "

But before the two men could take a single step a door up the corridor opened. A gust swirled through, tousling the golden hair of the woman standing like a queen before it, thick and shining like a waterfall of sunshine. Monsieur Delacour caught his breath in adoring wonder.

Sirius breathed in that deadly familiar odour, flinched as though struck before baring his teeth and snarling like a rabid dog.

Padfoot's vision turned red...

* * *

When Lily opened her eyes, she was standing in a room so huge it could have swallowed the entire Entrance Hall at Hogwarts and still had space to spare. It was too big; her mind boggled and the sunlight streaming in from the circular cage of gleaming windows was all but blinding.

The floor was like a chess board of gold, the staircase reared before her like a huge molten basilisk spitting into two waterfalls, curling around the raised dais that stood between them. The curtains were bronzed velvet, the galleries ran around the top of the room to join with the stairs and the huge pair of doors that stood like monarchs at the top of them. The ceiling was a masterpiece of paintings of angels and paradise with the great golden sun glowing in the very centre, and from that shape hung a chandelier of such proportions that a giant would have not the strength to lift it.

Lily stared with eyes as round and as sparkling as stars until the voice she loved broke her out of her stupor.

" Surprise. "

Lily swung on her heel so fast the white skirts twirled like a winter snow storm. He was standing a little behind her, his smirk tilting up his lips, his eyes like blazing suns. He was dressed in robes of deepest black, contrasting with a white shirt and gold tan. His hair was wild as though he'd just flown through a tornado and his glasses glinted on his arrogant nose. Lily could only gaze. His eyes danced with mischief and he held out his hand towards her, with so much laughter, so much wonder and so much love glowing in his face that she thought her heart might stop.

His fingers closed around hers before she even knew she had reached for him. He drew her close, holding her just away from him and looking into her face with a radiant smile. Lily struggled for breath; he was…too handsome in the sunlight but she forced out the words like a sigh, still staring in disbelief.

" Why…what is this? "

James grinned and released one hand to click his fingers. At once music, heavenly, unearthly music began to play from nowhere and James, with impossible grace bowed and held out his hand once more.

" This is me keeping my promise. " he replied, almost beaming in self-satisfaction.

" Today, we are here to dance. "

* * *

**As I said, short chapter guys because this is Part one and it's the easiest place to take a break. But Part 2 should be up in two maybe three days, and I promise it's even better! =) This Is just the setting up bit lol, **

**As always read, hopefully enjoy and if you forgive me enough for having made you wait so long, Review!**

**Love you all and see you all in a couple of days lol ! =)**

**Lili**

**X x x x x x x x x x**


	28. Chapter 28

**Hey there people. Right this is part 2 out of, well as probably guessed, three. I know it just keeps on growing lol ^^ but it seems easier to post this HUGE lump as three different chapters of roughly 10000 words each rather than one big one of 30000. Plus it gets posted quicker ;) Which is a good thing right? **

**Oh and for those who don't usually read the AN, READ THIS ! (please ^^)**

**- Next thing to note is that as was always planned, part of this LUMP was going to take place at Hogsmede with Jenny, Emily, etc… I know that many of you hate only OC bits which is why I am warning you in advance ^^ It is however necessary to the Jenny/Remus/Jamie subplot so if you're interested in that feel free to read it. =) If not, no worries but I am saying this NOW before people start shooting me to having almost half the chapter dedicated to OC's. The things is that ALL of the OC bit is in this Part of the Lump, which is why it seems like a lot, whereas L/J is spread over all three parts, as is Sirius/Malfoy. Moniqua will star in part three of The Lump, which will be up as soon as I can ok =) I hope that's clear, so no flames please. **

**Apart from that, read, hopefully enjoy and even more hopefully review =)**

**Luv y'all!**

**Lili**

**X x x x x x x x**

* * *

All Over Again: Chapter 28

Odd how a simple train of notes could break a dam and flood one's consciousness with a tidal wave of memories.

He'd never been one to lose himself in music; it wasn't part of him, didn't move him or touch something deep within his soul. His ripped, mangled soul. It didn't raise goose-pimples on his skin, didn't squeeze his heart like a clenching fist. A brief flash of cynical amusement. Not even a giant had the strength to do that; stone was not made to be squeezed.

Any love he'd had for music had come from her; she had replaced his soul, as she had his heart. And music, from dance to song, every aspect of; it was part of her. In her blood, and in her being. It defined her as much as her courage, her dauntless spirit, her skill on her broom, her fire and her passion, her iron will and her extraordinary capacity to love. A piece of the jigsaw puzzle that was the girl once known as Moniqua Monroe. The woman now revered throughout the Wizarding World as MJ Potter.

The song had been written for her. Officially for him also but he was not such a fool as to not realise for whom it was truly created. He was a part of it, to be sure, part of the story, but Cicero had drawn those notes and those emotions from the love of one person and one person only. His wedding gift to the daughter he loved more than life itself but could never bring himself to beg for her forgiveness. Historians said it was his greatest work, perhaps the greatest piece of Wizarding music ever written. Books had been written about it, every child of each new generation was brought up to listen and to revere it's haunting melody. Duels had resulted from the debate of what or whom had inspired the mythical tune.

But the secret had never been told. Save perhaps in the bedtime stories of a young boy from his mother's lips.

To hear it again, echoing across the vast space of the Manor ballroom, it hit him with a force he had not experienced in years. A yearning so powerful it seared like a physical burn through his entire being. Because she wasn't there. Wasn't laughing with that infuriating, provoking recklessness. Wasn't stamping her foot, fighting to keep the old-age scream of "Potter!" off her lips. Wasn't ghosting her fingers up his chest and pulling him close enough to feel their breaths mingling, until his legendary control finally broke and the world would cease to exist save only their passion, their desire and their love.

His hand gripped the banister, so that the knuckles turned white with the force. Beside him Moriaty clicked his beak in sympathy, breaking their long silence but the gallery was one hundred foot above the ballroom floor. The couple laughing and flirting below were too far away and too lost in each other to notice anything around them. As it should be.

A soft sigh of satisfaction. Yes, it was indeed how it should be.

He had been right to allow his son this day. Had been right to order Flipsy to take out the dress. Had been right to grant his son this happiness. However much the memories intensified the ache that hadn't ceased since the moment she'd walked out that door. His own pain was nothing; not compared to the joy that glowed in his son's eyes, a glow mirrored in the girl's.

The irony almost made him smile; had he been anyone else it might have. The girl's dress, James' robes, the reels of music that were gradually binding them together without them even realising. One head of ebony, the other a blaze of fire. The entire Manor could feel it, the whispers of fate and history repeating itself. The secrets stirring, the promise of a new heir, a new love and a new legendary story in the making. A torch being passed on, a future on the brink of beginning. Another golden couple to light up the world and change it for the better.

Today history was being made, a love that would be remembered and revered for generations to come. His son and this girl, their hearts joined forever as one, would be the hope of thousands of people across the world. Just as, all those years ago, his own and hers had done the same.

He closed his eyes and allowed her image to swallow up his entire consciousness. The huge black eagle owl at his side watched and blinked before suddenly stretching out his meter long wings and launching himself off from the banister. A few hard flaps and he soared upwards with one last reassuring hoot. The man lifted his head and nodded just the once. Moriarty blinked those round golden eyes in response and a moment later, was gone.

The man standing tall and lonely on the gallery turned his hard gaze back to the ballroom floor, wishing silently with all his might that he could go with him.

* * *

Down below the boy and girl were oblivious to their not being alone; the thrill of being young, dressed up and in love, it dulled even James' acute senses; although he'd heard an owl leaving the room, it didn't worry him; it was only that bloody black demon or Riké.

In fact he was having rather an embarrassing amount of difficulty concentrating on anything at this particular moment in time, beside the enchanting face staring up blissfully into his. James swallowed yet again, forcing his body's natural reactions to remain under control. This day was for romance, for sweetness and proving how he'd changed. However much his libido disagreed.

Because she was simply too beautiful. Even knowing, expecting her to be so, having advance warning of the wonders that the dress could do, if Lily even needed such thing in the first place, his teenage imagination still hadn't come close to the vision of perfection clasped tightly in his arms and, occasionally, treading on his toes.

"Sorry!" Lily bit her lip, peeping up at him through her lashes, torn between apology and mischief. James grinned and put on an expression of intense pain.

"Eleven…" he winced dramatically, adding another stroke to her tally. Lily grinned sheepishly, not buying his look of agony for a moment.

"Sirius didn't complain about me stepping on him." she said innocently, enjoying the sudden pout of her love's handsome face, " I guess he's just a better teacher than y…Whaaaah!"

She squealed as without warning James spun her around and dipped over his arm so low that her hair almost swept the floor. Their faces were inches from each other, so close that she could count those unfairly long black lashes, in his eyes a laughing challenge, in hers a breathless excitement.

"I'm sorry, would you like to rephrase that?" he raised his eyebrows expectantly. Lily chuckled and after a few moments he carefully lifted her so she was upright once more, a decidedly smug expression on his face. Lily shook her head and sighed, repositioning her arm once more so that it was at precisely the right height on his. She looked up at her teacher questioningly and he smiled, all professional once more as he carefully pressed one hand on her waist towards him, whilst gently teasing her upper body backwards.

"Shoulders back…back, back, _back_." he said, ignoring Lily's wince as her muscles groaned. Dancing was incredible, but it was also a lot more a work-out that she'd ever suspected. Perfect posture was not as simple as James and Sirius made it look; it took a huge amount of core strength to keep her shoulders gracefully down and curved away from her partners body. And that was before they actually got to the steps.

After running one last minute gaze over her posture James finally nodded and slipped effortlessly into his own position. His hand rested gracefully on her lower back, the other supporting her fingers as gracefully as if they were made of glass. He met her eyes, grinned and began the count once more.

"Three…two…one, _and…."_

They were off. Lily lowered her head to his chest, counting the three-beat timing in her head, and her expression looked so focused that James couldn't quite repress the grin. She didn't even realise that she was pulling her lip into her mouth and chewing on it, just like she did when struggling with a particularly hard essay. Her head nodded ever so slightly to the first of the numbers as she silently counted them,

"_One_…two, three. _One_…two, three.."

They swirled around the room like a leaf upon the autumn breeze, and with each slow rotation, Lily relaxed into the dance and music a little more, until soon her feet seemed to move of their own accord, and time stood still and yet flew by in seconds. The melody had them in it's grip, pulling them this and that when conscious decision deserted them. The song itself rejoiced, twirling them round until they were light-headed and dazed but to happy and too perfect to stop. The vast floor shrank to the size of a broom closet, they needed not the endless space. The angels smiled down from the painted heavens, the sun blazed with the lights of the thousands of candles that hung beneath it. And still the couple danced, lost in a dream, unwilling to wake. The music played on, smiling, loving, an old love transforming into new, an old storyteller retracing its steps. Because the music was storyteller, and the young couple gliding round the room were the story. Not quite the same one but rather a new harmony set to an old and beloved tune. Because life moved and times changed and old lights blow out just as new ones are lit. A new generation must at some point take over from the old, new loves, new hopes and dreams. Because love never dies; it only changes shape and the present becomes the past only with the promise of a new future.

And when the music finally stopped as everything at sometime must, the couple stepped back; boy bowed; girl curtsied and the next dance began.

* * *

The vision of beauty did not move. The dog growled and snarled, teeth white and abnormally long no longer hidden by lips that were now drawn back and twisted. The air trembled with rage, madness and an old, festering agony that was now burned into him body and soul. Padfoot bent his knees to spring; Sirius glared with black fires blazing in those shards of tanzanite; both hissed, their entire body's trembling with tension.

_"Veela!"_

Monsieur Delacour gaped. Mademoiselle Charis de Belle Isle blinked, her features frozen into marble perfection in one brief instant. Equally beautiful, equally tense, two pairs of deep blue-black eyes locked and scorched across the way. The young woman' breast rose and fell quickly, the youth's heaved with deep, hoarse pants. Then her impossibly perfect lips parted, pink and inviting but the tremor was there in her voice for those listening carefully, as was the flicker of fear in those sapphire pools. She swallowed and then spoke with a heavy French accent, rich and throaty.

"Eeef Veela I am, what z'en are you,…Siriuus Black?"

He did not answer; he could not. The deadly Black rage held him still in his feverish grasp and Sirius could only glare, only hate and snarl and curse silently. The woman did not flinch under that murderous rage. If anything she stared all the more intensely, taking in every inch of the teenager before her as though behold some fascinating yet dangerous puzzle she was trying to comprehend. She took a step forward, a slow measured one so as not to alarm or incite the swirling anger.

"Well?" she said, softer this time, lilting over the syllables, "What manner of creature recognises my blood-line so?"

The words were wafted over the air; sweet, seductive, they danced to an invisible melody. Magic was in those words, magic so rich, so enticing and delicious that that intoxicating scent was almost too much and Sirius felt his body relax in response to the silent soothing. Then sanity returned, his eyes snapped open, the scent that had smelled so sweet turned sickly in his nostrils and Padfoot snarled again, the rage returning in a flash as with a huge effort he threw the Veela's spell off and focused on only the hatred he felt for her.

"Stop…" he ground out through clenched teeth, "Stop messing with my head, damn you to hell!"

Mademoiselle Charis felt the sudden heave and she took an involuntary step back as though he had physically struck her. She recovered almost immediately though and fixed her piercing gaze on the boy's beautiful face, devouring it in her shock and curiosity.

"You can…sense ze power." she murmured, "But you are not beast Sirius Black, nor lycan, no… and yet…some'ow…" she trailed off, still searing a hole through boy's creased brow. Then her face, that unearthly beautiful face became serene, she took a deep breath, held out white hands and took a step closer.

Sirius flinched backwards, Padfoot growled but the woman did not back down. She whispered instead,

"I know…I know 'ow little love you must, you should 'ave for my kind…but I do not mean you 'arm."

"I know that smell! I would know it from a thousand! It was yours! Yours!"

The woman sighed, for the first time that sapphire gaze dropping to the floor to avoid those tanzanite fires

"Not quite. Ze lock of 'air, it was from my mozer. I am only what some might call a 'alf-breed Sirius Black. But in essentials, you are correct."

She lifted her golden head suddenly, her face pale and sad despite its perfection. Pride and determination was there too; she was not the kind of woman to bow down for long. All at once she seemed to grow, in size, in strength and in majesty. Her chin set, her eyes blazed and she stepped forward with all the grace her name stood for.

"I know of your curse, Cici wrote to me of it but once ze lock is cut, ze Veela 'as no more power over its magic. I would release you from zis… _enfers_ if in any way it was possible; I cannot. The potion must be left to run its course. Hate me, resent me if you please, but you came for a purpose and zat purpose, it was not to mourn your own fate. No?"

Sirius swallowed, fighting back the lingering blackness that crawled up his throat, battling tooth and nail to be let loose. To take out his wand and inflict on this creature the same ever-present agony, her kind, her magic had subjected him to for over three long years.

His fingers clenched and unclenched sporadically, his entire frame trembled with the effort but her face was there, laughing that horribly familiar laugh, mocking him, cackling with glee at his pain, at his lack of self-control. She would give anything to see him crack, to watch him give in to the darkness and become the evil creature she wanted him to be. Those wide, scarlet lips, lustrous black tresses partially obscuring eyes that were burned into his mind and his soul. The hatred, it was so strong it was almost agony, the curse rippled over and under his skin, waking those first tendrils of desire, ever-present, constant, unsatable. Lust without love, bitter, cold and artificial. A drug so potent the addict himself detests and loathes with every part of his body and yet cannot give it up. And still the bitch laughed and laughed until her image blurred into an aura of darkness shrouding him, cutting out the light…

Sirius gasped for breath, fought for life. The two French people watched, one curious and not a little alarmed, the other filled with a deep, compassionate regret.

"I am sorry. Much." she continued so softly only canine ears could pick out the words.

"I cannot help you."

The boy's jaw clenched so tight it seemed on the verge of cracking. His hands trembled, stiff and rigid as a corpse: he would not let them ball into fists. With a self-control beyond the usual human capacity, the youth forced his entire body to remain still and motionless. The seconds passed; the despair in every limb. The agony of hope curling into a crisp, shattering like glass, dying a slow, painful death. Hope he hadn't even consciously acknowledged. Hope he'd been fighting against since the moment that cloying, intoxicating scent had filled his senses.

The bitch's curse could not be broken.

"I came…to see Narcissa Bla…_Malfoy!" _he forced out the words like poison expelled from a wound, they tasted vile on his tongue. "If you would be so kind…as to lead me to her."

Mademoiselle de Belle Isle hesitated, a faint frown creasing her white brow but rather than demurring she nodded and said simply,

"Come. We go."

A sheaf of silver floated out behind her like a river in moonlight as she spun gracefully on her heel, her deep blue robes echoing the fluid movement. She marched with a sharp, determined stride and in the back of his mind Sirius remembered sneering that models were airy-fairy bimbos, all simpers and tottering on stilt-like heels. The sharp snap on Charis de Belle-Isle silver stilettos against the tiled floor seemed to rebuke him with every step.

His chest heaved with one steadying breath before he squared his shoulders, pinned the smirk firmly to his lips and followed in the rich, heady fragrance of her wake.

* * *

The air beside them seemed strangely empty as they walked down the busy, bustling street. The sun shone more brightly that it had any right to on this mid-October Saturday and Hogwarts students chattered and giggled everywhere one looked. Still it wasn't quite right. Something was missing, some-_things _plural in fact… A soft, musical laugh. A bright, happy giggle. Blond grace and copper brilliance. It was…

"Odd."

The girl who had been carelessly ignoring the adoring glances of at least three different males turned her head with a toss of thick, chaotic curls. She lifted one unfairly mobile brow and said with a laid-back smile

"What is?"

Emily started and glanced at her friend with a quick grin.

"Sorry…thinking aloud."

Jenny laughed, that merry sparkling laugh that seemed to dance for joy and for life. Emily felt her own lips twitch and then spread of their own accord. It wasn't surprising; Jenny had that effect on people. Even her closest friends and her cousin who had know her since birth weren't immune. One look and the sun seemed brighter, medicines turned sweet and even Slytherins resembled something marginally palatable.

"Sounds like fun; hmmm…I got: why the hell didn't I wear my gloves today, I wonder if Lils is using protection, DAMN that guy has a cute arse!"

Emily burst out laughing as the guy in front of them turned round and blinked at them in mild surprise. He was tall, with deep brown, almost treacle-coloured skin, his hair shorn into a military style buzz-cut and very dark, very intelligent eyes. He was, as Jenny had cheerfully observed an extremely fine specimen of a man, with powerful shoulders and a pair of hard buttocks that filled rather deliciously his smartly pressed trousers. He eyed the two girls thoughtfully for a moment before his face spread into slow smile.

"Unfortunately I am on duty Miss." his voice was unusually deep and resonating, undeniably pleasing to the ear , "Or I would return the compliment."

He bowed slightly, a spark of humour in those unfathomable black eyes. Emily grinned, liking him instantly and Jenny gurgled her irresistible laugh.

"Damn. Better luck next time." she eyed the man with her head tilted to the side, her gaze suddenly serious and oddly penetrating, "I didn't offend you, did I?" she asked with all her typical frankness, "If I did, I do apologise."

Emily smiled, used to her friends lightening-fast changes of mood. Jenny Dreamer lived her life at a pace no other human being could hope to sustain. She could jump back and forth with fifty ideas in her head all at once, with no logic and less reason. Her frankness was disarming and her charm irresistible and the young black man was no different from every other male. His smile stretched wider, disturbing but not banishing the natural calm and gravity of his face.

"You did not." he pronounced, his tone almost majestic and Jenny's grin flashed white and blinding as his own.

"Good. I like you, you see and offending people doesn't usually start for a good friendship." she laughed sunnnily

"No kidding Einstein." Emily smirked, shaking her head at her friend and this time the stranger laughed, deep and rippling.

"Again I would return the compliment." he looked at them again with that penetrating gaze and said thoughtfully. "Perhaps even introduce myself but my superior would possibly object,…" he paused before continuing slowly, "…Miss Dreamer."

Emily blinked, warning bells suddenly going off in her mind but Jenny's eyes narrowed, her lips lifting into the trademark potter smirk.

"I was right. "she said triumphantly, "I was sure you were with my Uncle that day! I never forget a…" she broke of with a devilish gleam. Emily rolled her eyes knowing full that that the end of that sentence had not been "face."

The Auror bowed again with a ghost of a smile.

"I will send him your regards." he said in his slow, deep way. "I wish you an enjoyable day as you both made mine."

Without another word he was gone, his muscular frame moving swiftly yet unhurried down the street, and watching him Emily thought she could pick out what made him different from the other civilians ambling about their business. He moved with a purpose, confidence was evident in his every gesture and those dark eyes never stopped searching, his body never quite relaxed; he was completely at ease and yet always on guard.

It was somewhat awe-inspiring to watch.

Jenny's thoughtful hum brought her out of her thoughts an Emily glanced at the diminutive brunette a little mischievously.

"Next target?"

Jenny was silent for a few moments before replying perfectly seriously.

"No. I liked him."

The enigmatic words were thrown out as blandly as the time of day, but before Emily had time to ponder them Jenny was tossing her curls once more and staring towards the very end of the street ahead of them with a fixed, round-eyed look. Emily followed her gaze and shrieked with uncontained excitement.

"CALORIES!"

Her squeal all but shattered the nearby windows; heads turned to stare and Emily felt a slight blush tinge her cheeks. She lowered her head to avoid the gazes of the numerous passers-by but since when had Jenny Dreamer cared for that? With her wickedest of grins thrown tauntingly over her shoulder, she broke into a sprint, arms outstretched, running towards the familiar sign, calling out

"MINE!"

Emily chuckled and launched herself after her, allowing Jenny's energy and dynamism to raise her slightly low spirits, to wash away the embarrassment and simply enjoyed the feeling of mad, ridiculous silliness. Old snooty witches looked askance, puffing up their feathers like ruffled hens. Wizards started and watched bewilderedly and children cried out in encouragement and pulled on theirs mother's hands.

The shops flew by and the faces flashed like traffic lights. Emily basked in the pure bliss of using muscles that had gone too long without exercise. Running was in her soul, her strides lengthened without dropping her speed and within moments she and Jenny were pelting side-by-side, cheeks flushed, howling in excitement, hair torn back behind them with the force of the wind.

Honeydukes loomed bigger and bigger before them, calling them on and when they drew level with those famous gates to paradise Emily skidded to a halt with shout of victory. Jenny however didn't stop, pelting up the steps and into the sweet-shop as though the hounds of hell were on her heels and crowing triumphantly as she threw herself across the hallowed threshold.

Emily shook her ebony locks and followed, only a little more…leisurely.

* * *

Twenty minutes later the two girls existed the store with their arms laden with goodies beyond imagination. Chocolate Frogs to Sugar Quills, Fizzing Whizbees to Acid Pops, they had at least five of every kind, both for themselves and for their absent friends. Jenny struggled with the six bags for a moment before finally huffing and drawing her wand. A quick spell and five of the bags soared up into the air, trembled for a few moments and then plonked back to earth. Emily fought to keep a straight face as Jenny glowered at the baggage with a glare that could make a dementor cry.

"Emily." she spoke so sweetly it was like birdsong, "Laugh and you die."

The glare suddenly switched direction and fixed on the other girl's face, a face that was desperately trying to retain its expression of grave sympathy. Jenny eyed her darkly for a moment, pondering whether to hex now or wait until the laugh escaped, when suddenly an arrogant male chuckle floated to their ears from down the street; one she knew like the back of her hand.

Her face lit up with light-bulb style inspiration. Emily frowned and glanced warily in the direction those huge hazel irises were suddenly staring at so fixedly and just like that her face cracked into an equally evil grin.

"About bloody time!"

The group of five boys turned in mid-stride, their faces still creased in laughter that increased ten-fold when the two girl's predicament became clear. The tallest one, dark-haired and elegant, tilted his head to better take in the scene before lifting his gaze to Emily's and holding it.

"Feeding the five-thousand are we?" Karl's quiet voice held the edge of a laugh in it. Jenny folded her arms and smirked knowingly,

"You are aware that only you and Emily got that probably pathetic muggle-joke, Quigley?"

Karl smiled slightly and shrugged.

"Downside of being purebloods. And they laughed out of loyalty none the less." And indeed the other teenagers were still grinning. The broadest one rolled his eyes and thumped his friend and team-mate on the shoulder, before shoving both his large hands into the pockets of his jeans and eyeing the tiny brunnette in affectionate mockery.

"Before you even ask Jen…"

Jenny's smile was melting.

"I knew I could depend on you, Clag. Now; you take the blue one, Karl if you could grab the red…"

"…the answer is no."

Emily grinned as her friends mouth dropped into a heartbreaking pout. Her eyes were wide and almost soulful, if one didn't know better one would have thought the Gryffindor Keeper had just announced his intention to drown kittens. Jamie smiled back as cockily as ever; she was his best friend in the world and he could list every one of her tricks from memory.

The two fifth years however, Tony's brother Max and Neil Abbott shifted in their shoes, their adams-apples bobbing in their throats as Jenny turned her pleading gaze on them. Neil blinked behind his steel rimmed glasses and Tony shook his head mockingly as his younger brother flushed slightly. The tall, blond boy ignored his elder and stepped manfully forward

"It would be a, a pleasure Miss Dreamer, if…if we could assist you in any way."

All at once Jenny was wreathed in smiles. She danced forward and threw herself around the boy's neck, reaching up and pressing her lips merrily to his cheek. It turned from lightly pink to bright red.

"THANK you Max! At least SOMEONE is gentlemanly enough to come to the rescue of a damsel in distress."

She looked pointedly at Jamie who grinned and replied immediately

"You know what? You're absolutely right Jen." he stepped forwards and made the classical pureblood bow….to Emily.

"Allow me to assist you , Mademoiselle?"

Emily grinned back and allowed him to kiss her hand with theatrical flourish, before handing him three of the bags she was struggling to hold onto.

"Why certainly, kind sir."

Karl rolled his eyes and came swiftly forward.

"Give them here," he said in a low tone, "That prat will probably scoff them when you're not looking."

He took the bags out of Jamie's hands with a determined expression, steadfastly ignoring the twinkle in the said prat's eyes. Jenny also smirked but too quickly for anyone to notice. In a moment she was pouting once more, her lashes fluttering sadly towards her completely oblivious friend.

"_Et tu, Brutus?"_ she said soulfully and Karl quirked an eyebrow.

"Probably pathetic muggle joke?"

Jenny's grin flashed like lightening.

"Learned from the best."

* * *

"So where to now, oh Empress?"

Jamies's mocking voice was barely audible over the bitter wind that had just picked up. Both girls had stuffed their now-free hands in their pockets, after zipping their jackets up to the throat. The boy's were moaning theatrically about frostbite and blue fingers but the bags had been spread evenly around, in exchange for permission to occasionally sample the delights within.

Neil was licking gingerly at a Blood-flavoured Lollipop, his nose wrinkling in disgust much to his mates' delight. The dare was to finish the entire thing and Tony and Max were watching like hawks in case the sandy-haired body tried to cheat. Karl was talking to Emily in a undertone, and by the looks of him deliberately slowing his pace to draw them a little apart from the loud and boisterous threesome. Looking back at the pair, Jenny smiled secretly before tossing her curls and peeping up at the boy beside her in pure mischief.

"I believe to the Three Broomsticks, my minion." she declared like a queen. A very cold, shivering queen. Jamie grinned and shouted the plan back to the group behind.

Jamie McLaggen was not the tallest of young men but the girl next to him was small enough to just top his shoulder. The swift, dancing glance she shot up at him through her lashes had the usual effect of making him grin lazily back. They were a good-looking couple; he more so than her and yet neither close to being Gladrags next top model. Yet, despite this, the gazes of a good many of the young people passing down the same street couldn't help but linger. The youth's muscular, _male_ frame and easiness of carriage, the confidence that he emitted as well as a grin that turned him from good-looking to something decidedly sexy, made one glance back for a second look. And as for the girl; well, one didn't look away the first time.

Just walking down the street, Jenny Dreamer shone. The boy at her side was one she knew and loved more than any other on earth. Her laugh chimed like bells on a summer morning, her limbs moved as though to a secret dance, hips a-sway, legs a-strut. Hips round and curved. Legs short, wide and muscled rather than long and slim, a fact she did nothing to disguise in skinny jeans tucked into lace-up ankle boots with three-inch heel. Heels she had nevertheless managed to sprint down the street in only an hour earlier.

Oddly enough, only the pair themselves were unaware of how good a couple they made. They laughed and mocked and flirted and joked, oblivious to the admiring glances and the corner-of-the-eye stares and a few meters behind, Emily shook her head and wondered when they would realise it. Would they ever? Surely they had to. Best friends who enjoy nothing more than sleeping together; when do you start to simply call it love?

But this simple truth that seemed so evident to everyone else had never even crossed the pair's mind and Emily had no intention of bringing up the subject before they did. She turned back to Karl, a smile already on her lips from the quietly ironic comment about the new challenge being laid on by their friends up ahead; eating Droobles Best Blowing Gum and a Pepper Imp simultaneously.

"Come on bro, be a man. A _Gryffindor!"_

"Looks like we're about to have our own pet dragon." he murmured, quite close to her ear. Emily grinned and waited eagerly, watching as Max took the two pieces of candy and after a brief hesitation, stuffed both into his mouth and screwed up his eyes.

It took about a minute for the boy's face to turn red. His eyes watered with the heat and Jenny and Jamie turned back to watch. Suddenly his mouth burst open, as though unable to keep the blaze inside any longer and a ball, a huge purple ball began to grow…

Bigger and bigger and bigger it got, until it was the size of Quaffle and inside, as suspended in a vacuum a fireball writhed and burned like a living thing. Tony and Neil high-fived, Jamie swore at not having a camera. Jenny whooped and jumped onto Emily's back in excitement.

"Let's try it! Let's try it!" she pleaded, squeezing her friend as tight as possible. Emily grinned, glancing at Karl who returned the humorous look. He shrugged as if to say, "Your choice."

What the hell, why not? Emily chuckled and why about to agree when suddenly the massive purple fireball popped with a huge…

BANG!

The explosion threw all seven students back several feet and they got to their feet, blinking through the haze of thick violet smoke. Jamie coughed and waved his hand in front of his face, trying to clear the air.

"Everyone all right?" he yelled out and six rather shaken voices finally replied.

"Yeah…"

"OW! Kinda.."

"Euhh…Em…babe? Can't breathe…"

"The fact that you can talk seems to indicate the contrary."

"Oh yeah, sorry Jen."

"Ahhh…Quigley? Go and inhale some toxic gaz."

"I think I'm good..."

"I have no eyebrows!"

Eventually the smoke dispersed enough for the teenagers to grab each others hands and stagger out of the fume-cloud. Max's face was a picture, a bright purple picture with, sure enough, no eyebrows. One second later, the entire group cracked up laughing.

Tony clapped his brother on the shoulder proudly, and Jamie declared solemnly it was the most Gryffindor-est act he had ever seen. It was just as Emily was getting out her wand to attempt to fix Max's violet face, that a snide, horribly familiar voice cut through their laughter and silenced them all immediately.

"Well well, just when I thought Gryffindors could get no stupider."

All five boys and two girls turned round to face the newcomers, four Seventh Year youths, dressed all in varying shades and patterns of green and black. The leader sauntered forward, his black hair slicked back from his brow, and his lips spread into an unpleasant sneer, showing very white even teeth. Without the look of superiority, he could have been eye-catching attractive; with it he simply came across as evil.

Avery twirled his wand between long white fingers, very much at his ease as though not even aware of the looks of disgust being directed at him from all seven Gryffindors.

"Nice make-up Boot. Sorry, _Little Boot_." he smirked, enjoying the grind of both Tony's and Max's jaws.

"What do you want Avery?" Jamie growled, his anger carefully controlled. Being on the Quidditch Team largely inured you to Slytherin taunts. You couldn't afford to let them get to you. Inside or outside of the Game.

The handsome smirk widened, as he moved his gaze and allowed it to run, slow and knowing down Jenny's frame.

"Depends what you're offering, McLaggen."

Jamie clenched his fists but otherwise didn't react or answer, not trusting his voice. It was Jenny who responded to the obvious insinuation, in true Dreamer style.

"Oh poor Avery.." she said pityingly. Everyone stared at her as she were mad but she continued with her most soulful expression.

"You're actually reduced to drooling over Gryffindors…because no girl in your own house would touch you with a ten-foot pole."

The Gryffindor males burst out into mocking laughter, applauding loudly and ruffling Jenny's curls. Emily couldn't help but grin, but her attention was elsewhere, fixed on her friend's face. That expressive, open face that was suddenly closed like a locked door.

Avery had curled his lip at the comment. Mulciber had crawled to his side, his pink tongue dabbing at his wet mouth, pale eyes round and filled with hatred mixed with lust. Emily watched her friend shiver slightly, but whether at Avery's cold fury or Muliciber's disgusting, pawing, creepy desire she wasn't sure.

Wilkes, big and blond and beefy just looked gormless as ever but Snape,… Emily glanced at that white face curiously. It was almost like he was apprehensive. Well that wasn't a big surprise; Slytherins were cowardly by nature and none more so than Lily's ex-best-friend. If he hadn't been…maybe it wouldn't be ex.

But it wasn't just that…Emily frowned, watching how those coal black eyes flickered between Jenny and the Slytherin leader. As though expecting something, or wishing something _not_ to happen… Wariness, reluctance, even…Emily shook her head. She was just imagining things. Because why would Severus Snape feel pity for Jenny. Obviously she wasn't as good at reading people as she liked to think.

The boys were still exchanging insults back and forth, the usual stuff; stupid, heroic Gryffindors; slimy, evil snakes. It was classic. Traditional. And they all knew Avery wasn't stupid enough to take it further. So why was she worried? Even if things did degenerate, the Slytherins were outnumbered almost two-to-one. They had the guys if things got physical and they had their wands. Nothing could happen. It would be, reckless, dumb…altogether un-Slytherin.

So why…

Emily glanced up to hear Avery aim one last attack at her friend, his voice cold and cruelly mocking.

"Maybe Mulce would like a turn with you Dreamer. Test out all those little fantasies on the real thing."

Jamie and Karl both growled stepped forwards, the Gryffindor Keeper cracking his knuckles menacingly but the wicked smirk on the Slytherin's lip never wavered. He was staring at Jenny, his glinting eyes fixed on hers, as though trying to see through her head into her mind. And by the cruel look of enjoyment on his face, she could almost believe him to be revelling in just that. By chance, she was looking at Emily's face as the sick comment was thrown out. So only by chance did she see the lightening fast expression that disappeared before she had time to blink.

And expression of pure agony.

But then the tiny brunette was marching forwards, strutting to stand before both her bodyguards, almost close enough to touch the slime ball. One hand was placed on her hip, she relaxed the weight of her body on to that same leg and said as sweet as sugar

"Avery? Go fuck yourself. Or if you fancy a change? Take the arsehole beside you and go fuck him."

The Gryffindors crowed in triumph. Jenny Dreamer tossed her curls and smiled her most lilting smile towards. Avery looked ready to commit murder on the spot, but after a moment of pure hatred, he shrugged nonchalantly and took himself off, bodyguards in tow.

Tony, Max and Neil all proceeded to swing their champion around above their heads, laughing and joking and tussling and promising dire retribution for every words out of the snake's mouth. Jenny responded in peels of laughter, kissing them all soundly so that Max's cheeks turned scarlet and Neil swallowed convulsively for several minutes. Then she skipped over to Karl, demanding that he admit how brilliant her last put-down had been and alternatively coaxing and tricking him into saying the words.

Emily watched, and as she watched she noticed someone else doing the same. Jamie was staring at the group, his face calm and composed and outwardly relaxed. A small smile played on his lips, their was affection in his face as he stared and the girl as she danced among her adoring fans. Only in his eyes was there something else. A doubt perhaps. A shadow of gravity. The reflection of a darkness only he could see.

Jenny's eyes suddebly met hers, laughing, glowing with gold and green and butterscotch candy. The sparkled like topazes, gleamed like tiger's eye. Her lips parted into breathless peels of laughter, and she stuck out her pink pointed tongue and waggled it tauntingly.

"Smile Em! We won! _Victoire pour le peuple!"_

Emily obeyed, wondering if her best friend's smile, that bright, beaming smile, really could possibly be as fake as her own.

* * *

The time seemed to escape as slyly and skilfully as a shadow. Seconds, minutes and hours passed like heartbeats, each one so perfect, so magical Lily yearned to lock them all away and treasure them forever. Every moment in those strong, familiar arms, every grin he flashed down from his superior height, every twirl, every dip and every dive; they were as precious to her as chest of gold.

The music was unbearably beautiful, particularly one piece, the first one. It seemed it was James' favourite too because every half an hour so it would replay, and that smiled she loved so much, the true, warm, golden smile she had chased after ever since she'd seen it, it would curl his lips and light up his handsome face from the very first note.

The fifth time it happened, she asked him why.

"What is this song?"

James blinked; he'd been lost in thoughts of how the day was going perfectly_, too _perfectly, so that now his brain was already worrying what was going to go wrong because, when everything is going well, something is_ bound _to go wrong_._ But her face, her genuine interest pushed the pessimistic thoughts from his mind and he smiled, thinking about how much he could tell her about the song_, _wondering how much she ought to know.

_"La Reina y el Soldado" _he finally murmured, bending his head so that his lips just brushed her ear. Lily felt her heartbeat rocket. Even without having a clue what the words meant, just the way he said them…Lily swallowed, ignoring the smug grin on his face and demanded more

"Meaning?"

James turned her before him pulled her back towards him gracefully.

"It translates as "The Queen and The Soldier." It was written by the greatest Wizarding composer of this century and perhaps all time."

"It tells the story of a queen and a soldier, two very different people who believe in very different things and yet set aside all their numerous differences because…they love each other. And that one shared love was stronger then everything that should have kept them apart."

He waited, wondering if she would notice his omitting one crucial piece of information and ask or whether he could leave that particular disclosure for another time. But Lily simply nodded dreamily, lost once more in the intricate tones and threads of the melody.

"It's beautiful." she whispered. Suddenly she looked up, her face animated and focused once more.

"Everything's beautiful, James. The idea, the music, this place…" she shrugged as though to indicate the golden ballroom in which they danced. "It's all…perfect. Beyond perfect."

James grinned so widely it felt like his face might just crack open entirely.

"Thank Merlin. You have no idea how…" he paused suddenly realising that he was on the verge of pronouncing words he'd never spoken in his entire life. Lily smiled, just a little mischievously and prompted

"Nervous you were?"

"I was NOT ner…" he trailed off as his love raised an unconvinced eyebrow. He frowned, unsure of this new idea. Nervous wasn't something he was used to, quite simply because he had never NOT succeeded. Without possibility of failure there are no nerves and James Henry Potter had never once in his life failed at anything. Except…

"I was nervous." he suddenly said, disbelief in his tone. He lowered his gaze to hers, his face suddenly serious, almost grave.

"I am nervous." he repeated, softly, barely more than a sigh.

The air suddenly seemed closer, his arms were tighter, warmer, pressing them together as though moulded as one. His expression was so open…more open and honest than she'd ever seen him. He bent his head once more, gazing down into her eyes, willing her listen to what he was going to say, to understand it and everything he had left unspoken.

"I am...terrified. Terrified that, for the first time in my life, I'm not going to win this. I'm going to mess up. To make an error that I can't repair. I'm terrified that I'm going to lose…you."

Her heart was thumping in her mouth. His eyes seemed to burn with ungodly fire. There faces inches apart, their breath mingling as it left their lips. He was so close.

"Losing you…is the only thing I've ever done that I've wished I could change. Hurting you, breaking you, crushing you,…is my one failure it life. The thing that, if I had a time turner right now, I'd go back and erase that single night, just that one night because, if I hadn't fucked up that night? I believe we would be together right now." he quirked an impish grin, "Maybe even married with two, no three kids."

She chuckled, just a little watery, ducking her head to hide the emotion. He raised his hand and, with one finger, lifted her chin until those bright emeralds sparkled into his.

"I'm terrified that I might mess up again. That I might lose this second chance you've given me. By not... treasuring you enough, or telling you enough, or not showing you that…you are…my entire world,...wrapped up in a white dress and red hair."

They both grinned, rather sappily, James would later admit, and not very romantically Lily would later laugh but when you're happy, grinning sappily is what you do, and right then Lily and James really could not be happier.

* * *

**Well, there you go =) I know it's not ery long is it, especially for those of you who are skipping but I have a party tonight and I won't be able to finish part 3 before going so it was either post this part and apologize for the percentages OR post nothing until Part 3 finished which could be in another few more days. =S I hope you think I made the right choice..**

**If not tell me! =)**

**Luv ya!**

**Lili**

**X x x x x x x x**

**PS: I know there are LOADS of typos but its now 6H30 in the morning! :'( :'( :'( I BEG forgiveness!**


	29. Chapter 29

**Hi there all! Well here we have it, the last part of The Lump as it has officially been christened XD It's longer than the other parts because we work up to the climax of Sirius' sub-story and of course we end on a very important cliff hanger. But it's about the Malfoy sub-plot that I want to talk to you first.**

**First Off: WARNING! DARK MATURE CONTENT! DO NOT READ IF UNDERAGE! Yes I'm insisting but I do think I might have applied it a little heavily in this chapter, (though hopefully still tastefully), even though everything I write comes under the M Rating. Please do not come and tell me you're offended later 'kay? Right, moving on…**

**This is the first time we've seen the Malfoy's in AOA and to any readers who aren't already aware, these are the same characters from Tears Of Gold. Of course All Over Again is set roughly four years after those events so anything I write will be technically a spoiler for the other story, but I've tried to do it in such a way that it doesn't stop people wanting read TOG. Obviously we learn a lot about what has gone on between Narcissa and Lucius and we know that they love each other; the detailed events however are only vaguely hinted at in the hope that it will leave you all wanting to fill in the gaps ^^ That's the plan anyway. We have a very detailed insight into Lucius and Narcissa's relationship past and present and in that respect it quite fun to write but also very difficult because it means a lot more plot-working-out of Tears of Gold than I usually can be bothered to do for my stories. I'm notoriously impatient and tend to write first and work out the consequences later. ^^ Also we learn a lot about Lucius' secrets than we'll do for a long time in TOG, because of course it's following more Narcissa's thoughts than Lucius'. **

**Then we move on, back to our favourite couple and of course we're finding out about the past more and more. Specifically here, MJ's family, though not quite the whole story, just glimpses and hints. AND of course it's not QUITE all perfect because of course this is James and Lily and well, I'm just mean like that XD**

**AND we have the cliff-hanger, one I've been waiting for for AGES! It's been one of the major plot-steps since the beginning of the story lol so to actually get here, it's quite exciting so forgive my squeals XD XD XD**

**Anyway, must stop babbling,**

**PLEASE READ, ENJOY AND REVIEW!**

**Luv y'all **

**Lili**

**X x x x x x x x x**

* * *

In the silence of the brightly-lit, clinical, white-painted room, death seemed to smother all like a shroud of mist.

The man standing with his broad back turned to the door was no stranger to death; he had looked her in the eye many times and dealt her to his victims many more. On the road he walked; she was his companion and his ally; albeit a treacherous one. Never before had he feared her; with each brush he threw himself out over the precipice willingly, mockingly; hers to catch if she willed it so. So far, she had always let him fall.

She was his first love; he had fallen into her intoxicating arms and drowned himself in the wild, glorious ecstasy that accompanied their meetings before his seventeenth year. That first kill had been for his father's approval; the next, the mudblood's pretty whore, had been to prolong that delicious, trembling, feverish sensation as long as possible.

He had had her first. Abraxus had smirked that deadly Malfoy smirk at him, offering the suggestion with gentle simplicity. The words had sunk in slowly; a minute had passed, a minute of blood soaking his white shirt and dripping from his throbbing fingertips. Splatters covering his handsome face, running down his chin almost vampirically, the scarlet too strong, a sickening contrast against the stark white skin. His steel grey eyes wide; stricken and yet fanatical, lost in the horrific frenzy. Then the light had come into them, oddly enough darkening the piercing irises. His head had turned, that phantom stare fixing on the girl barely older than himself, cowering on the tarmac of the deserted alley-way.

It was the first time he'd ever taken a girl by force and that night, in the seductive darkness, under his father's gleaming gaze, he'd discovered in himself such a taste for it that had shocked him even in his semi-madness.

Even when he'd spent himself inside her, when his father had held out the knife wordlessly, when he'd drawn in with relish across her sobbing throat and listened to her final gargling screams; something in his mind cowered in fear at this nightmare he'd let out of himself. A monster with neither restraint nor any vestiges of humanity. And even as he'd dropped the knife, heart pounding with the desperate desire for more, more blood, more pain, more domination, something in him cringed away, in the sudden terrible realisation that he had found his own greatest weakness.

In the five years since that night, he'd never allowed himself to loose control like that again. Every kill, murder though it surely was, had been swift and painless. He would not give in to the temptation; even though it burned his blood every second of every day. In truth he dared not. His self-restraint was rigid; his love for her had made it vital.

Because she had been his greatest temptation of all. As she was still. The need, the desire to break, to crush and to destroy had never consumed him so terribly as in that single moment of setting eyes on her pure, innocent loveliness. If it hadn't been for the old fool's meddling…

The man swallowed, his jaw clenched so tight it threatened to crack asunder. The tension in his beautiful face looked as though it might shatter the glass he was staring through so fixedly.

Yes, that much at least he owed the old muggle-lover. If his demon had not been chained so absolutely, he did not think, no he knew, that her pride mixed with that delicious fragility, would have pushed him over the edge within mere weeks. Never again had he forced a woman; not only because he had no need. The sadist in him slept, uneasily it was true but the pleasures of physical love had been great enough for his younger self to somewhat ignore the crawling desire in him for other's pain. But she had stretched his control and his sanity to breaking point. Too many times, each of them close enough to give him nightmares still. Nightmares of her face, of her cries, that last terrible day when he'd so nearly…

The chill ran down his spine like a premonition and he screwed his eyes briefly shut, in an effort to block the image of her sobbing form, the bruises from where he'd pinned her down, the mark on her cheek from where his hand had, for the first time ever, been allowed to express his rage. Another mistake, one he would never make again and yet should never have been made to begin with. But that day, the truth, the hatred and fury of everything in his world crashing down upon him, Merlin knew it had almost destroyed him completely.

It was the single light in his dark memories that even that day, pushed to the very brink, he had not been able to. With the blood boiling in his veins, anger, hatred and rage of betrayal, lust that had been repressed and denied for so long as to become agony, jealousy that had ached all the more because of the faint tendril of hope. He had had her naked, defenceless and shaking with convulsions, hatred and tears, and her pitiful weakness only made him burn for her even more. Each sob caused his lips to part in panted triumphant, his member throbbing so hard it was a physical agony. Every instinct in him had screamed at him to do it, to punish the bitch completely, to throw her away with nothing, to take everything she had and then kick her back to the piece of shit she obviously preferred.

The moment he realised that he couldn't do it, the knowledge that he'd lost, that he was hopelessly, agonisingly in love with her, it had finally broken him.

It seemed so far away now, but that single instant of mercy was what had brought them here. That single moment was what had kept her from fleeing. Despite all the pain, all the hatred, she hadn't run. Neither to him nor from him. And when he'd needed her most, needed her so badly, she'd made her decision, stepped to his side and had never left it again.

Even now, she knew the danger she ran, every time she took him in her arms. His instincts for cruelty, his pleasure in other's pain, his desire and bloodlust; she knew them all too well. His love for her was like a glass shell, containing the overwhelming darkness within but so terribly, frighteningly fragile. Consciously he would rather die than let any harm come to her; unconsciously, the urge to break her into pieces crawled under his skin every waking moment. Part of her flirted with the danger; she'd always been reckless, always stubborn. But the other, greater part knew that it was precisely the trust she showed in him that prevented the unleashing of everything she most feared. If one day that faith waned, nothing else would keep him from surrendering to it completely.

She showed it to him as they made love, letting him relax just a little of that control, encouraging him to bite, to nip and to take her as he wanted, even enjoying the game of submission they played secretly by night. Trusting him to never let it go beyond, never spill into the daylight hours, trusting in his love to restrain his own baser instincts, the darkness in him that she acknowledged and accepted. And when he'd brutally rode out his own need, he would thank her in the way he knew best, pleasuring her and her solely until sunlight streamed in through the Malfoy green drapes.

He would allow her anything, even brook her defiance and her stubbornness in a way that no self-respecting pure-blood would ever imagine. She offered him her public obedience; he gave her complete private mastery. It was the unspoken contract they had made. She allowed him his dignity and his self-respect amongst his chauvinistic peers; it return she demanded his expressed affection, his trust and his complete honesty. Every sordid act he committed she would demand to know, every murder, every injury she would hear him out in silence before granting him silent absolution and making love to him until the scars and the nightmares faded away for a few sweet hours.

If death was his first love, she was his true one. A tainted love to be sure; too much had gone before, too much hatred, humiliation and hurt for it not to be. Part of them loathed each other still; the control that love gave them over the other was too powerful, too unwanted and too restraining for two such free spirits; they hated it, the bond, the need. Hated the dependence on another being, the frightening truth that each made the other weak and truly vulnerable. In the Dark Lord's service it was unwise to have a weakness and he cursed the fear that filled him every time he bent his knee; not for himself but for her.

The fear. So strange, so vile; for the first time he looked upon death as his enemy. Beside him she seemed to raise a cynical brow. His old friend now turned deadly foe. Because if she took her, with all the spite and jealousy of a spurned and neglected woman, he didn't know what he would do. He fancied he heard his old companion laugh, mocking him, mocking the Great Lucius Malfoy now turned whipped and desperate spouse. It was so ironic. How many wives have you killed Lucius, she seemed to shake her veiled head, how many mothers and daughters and loves have you stolen?

"I will not let you take her." he growled under his breath, and again that ghostly laugh rang delightedly in his ears.

* * *

The sound of the door behind him opening made him tense. He hesitated, before revolving slowly on the spot, the faint sneer set firmly in place, his posture oozing arrogance and nonchalance. He would not give the brat the pleasure of seeing his weakness.

De Belle-Isle glided into the waiting room first, hands folded demurely in her lap, the very picture on innocence and a deception that in no way fooled him. His lip curled slightly in intense dislike, despising the intoxicating effect she had on his mind and his libido with just a waft of her perfume. Nothing could exceed his dislike for Veela and their unnatural power of persuasion. Even if the cub was less dangerous that the lioness. He forced his body to remain relaxed, repressing the urge to gape at her impossible loveliness. The days spent in her company had largely accustomed him to her power, but it was still there, lingering, coaxing below the surface. Why else would he have allowed the family turncoat within a hundred miles of her.

The brat himself had developed a height and breadth enough to challenge the term. Lucius allowed his steel gaze to wander nonchalantly over the younger boy, noting his expression of cold fury with malicious enjoyment. He flicked an imaginary speck of dust from his flawless black robes before allowing his full, beautiful lips to curve into a smile of pure mockery.

Sirius met that evil smirk with a clench of vicious rage. To see the bastard standing there so damned arrogantly, as though he wasn't responsible for this, as through he wasn't a fucking murderer, it made his blood boil. Hatred flashed in those forget-me-not blue eyes, hatred and disgust and the desire to kill the piece of shit, to rip apart limp from limb, to clamp his jaws around his throat and tear out the fragile jugular.

"Well well. If it isn't the _White_ Sheep" he lilted sardonically over the syllables. Sirius snarled at him, hand automatically reached into his robes but suddenly Mademoiselle Charis strode forward.

"_Assez! _You stupid _Imbeciles_!" she snapped, glaring from one youth to the other, "You are here for _Cici, non_? _Alors le laisse le passer, Diable!"_

Malfoy ground his teeth silently as she rebuked and ordered him to let the boy pass, his icy gaze never leaving Sirius' face. Then with a mocking bow he stepped aside, the very courtliness of the gesture an insult.

"By all means, salve your conscience, Black." he rose, the sneer abruptly vanished. His eyes glinted with cold promise.

"Upset her, and you will find yourself extending your stay here…permanently."

Sirius growled, fighting the urge to mangle the bastard's pretty face. Instead his swung on his heel and marched toward the second door, the one to enter the room separated from them by the large window. He wrenched it open, shot one last sneer back at the two occupants and stepped into the ward without a word.

* * *

The room was luxurious even for Saint Mungo's. Malfoy was obviously paying through the nose for it. As he should, Sirius snarled inwardly; all of this was his fault! All of it!

It took a few moments to calm himself sufficiently to close the door with slamming it. Sirius' head was thrown back, eyes tightly shut, chest rising and falling as he fought for the control that had never abandoned him. When even his fists had loosened their white-knuckled grip, he finally turned, scared of what he might see.

She was as pale as a ghost, as white as the crisp sheets drawn up tidily under her delicate hands. Lovely as an angel in slumber, with golden curls falling like snow against the pillow. For a moment his brain was puzzled; she look peaceful, perfect and the picture of health.

The smell that assaulted his nostrils told the true story.

Sickness filled every corner of the room, sour and cloying despite the faint fragrance of the many bouquets of flowers decorating both the small table on the left side and the floor around it. It clawed down his throat, turning his stomach. He fought the urge to retch and swayed slightly as he stepped silently closer until he stood, torn and at a loss by the side of the bed.

His first glance had been deceptive; the smell had warned him of that, but not even the vile odour of death could have prepared him for the sunken hollows that made up her features. Her lids were purple bruises, set into dark shadows so deep and so heavy they could have been black eyes. For a moment he thought they were, and he was half-turning to go and punch the life out of the son of a bitch when the more rational part of his brain pointed out the matching shadows under her cheekbones. Her lips were dry and cracked, so pale they were almost bloodless. But that was to be expected, he registered blankly, she had suffered a miscarriage, losing so much blood they had feared for her life. Pints of it, now staining the Malfoy Manor floor. Regulus had said she was six months gone, that after a number of false alerts the pregnancy showed promise. Hah!

His snort of derision rang louder than he'd expected and a look of something a little like guilt twisted his handsome face as a movement from the bed brought his gaze snapping round.

Narcissa was stirring. Sirius couldn't move, simply stood there frozen as little by little she returned to the world of the living, her long lashes blinking blearily with the lingering vestiges of sleep. As the world began to make sense, she became aware of someone standing at her bedside, and with a wince at the effort even such a simple movement took, she managed to shift her body slightly to angle it upwards towards the visitor

"Lucius…" she mumbled, before her tired eyes began to focus and as they did a light frown creased her brow in confusion.

"Sirius…?" bemused, unconvinced, as though wondering whether her mind was playing tricks on her. Sirius racked his throat for saliva, but finding none, his reply came out as a tense croak.

"Yes."

A faint smile lifted her lips as she gazed blearily up at him,

"You've grown."

It was such an random, gentle comment that Sirius was at a loss. He stayed silent, hoping reverently that she would begin to regain her wits. She did so, memory began to return and her frown deepened accordingly

"What are you doing here?" she asked, eyeing him in a mixture of confusion and concern. "Wait a minute,…does Lucius know, you didn't fight with him…?"

"He knows."

But she was waking up fully now, and she had never been slow of thought. Her cobalt blue eyes narrowed at him, and she said with her old frankness

"He can't do. You're alive." she said flatly

Part of him almost laughed, the other part plunged deeper into anger, hating the open acknowledgment of her husbands murdering ways. It was the rage that won out, and he snapped coldly back

"Oh, I'm sure that his death-eater buddies are probably on their way."

Immediately her expression closed up, retreating behind her public face, behind her dignity and pride.

"I'm sorry, was there a reason for your visit?" she inquired coldly, as though dealing with a rude guest at one of her weekly galas. Sirius struggled with his temper for a moment and only when he had it tightly under control once more did he take a deep breath and answer.

"Yes."

He exhaled through his clenched teeth. Narcissa regarded him silently, her expression still haughty but in her eyes, a sad understanding flickered.

"You don't have to." she said softly.

Sirius finally raised his eyes to her face. They burned purple-black with the all-too-familiar strangled madness that recently seemed to have taken up permanent residence in her sister's fierce gaze. His expression was as torn as his heart and mind, twisted between too many emotions, hatred and guilt the two foremost. Narcissa felt something in her chest convulse, remembering that look, that wild, trapped stricken gaze. The past reared up like a tidal wave between them, shared hurts, old sufferings, unspoken grudges and thanks alike.

"I do." the words broke in the silence, in his convulsing throat, "I never did."

Her lips curved into a faint half-smile.

"Neither did I." she hesitated, the smile becoming just a touch more rueful, "We're not very good at thanks in our…"

"You are not my family!"

The denial was sharp, fierce and instinctive, spat from his lips with years of practise. For a moment he almost looked guilty but Narcissa didn't flinch, nor did the smile waver. She nodded a little sadly, the look in her eyes was more affectionate than insulted. There was a long silence, that neither made the effort to break. Then he made an odd movement, a strange shudder going through his entire frame.

"I have to say it. I think it'll drive me mad if not." he turned away from his glaring at the flowers on the opposite side of the room, and came closer to the bed, until the two cousins were mere inches apart.

"Thank You."

Stiff, unwilling and yet Merlin knew how heartfelt. Narcissa held that painful gaze and bowed her head slightly.

"And I thank you, you and the others. Especially James Potter. Tell him for me. That I haven't forgotten."

Sirius nodded, a curious lump in his throat somehow preventing speech. Then he struggled to his feet, with a haste that could have almost been rude if the object of the rudeness had not been smiling with such rueful comprehension. He stood as straight and rigid as a poker, his fiery gaze once more boring a whole into the white plastered wall. The girl in the bed was also lost in her thoughts, a faint smile on her lips as she stared at her hands, as though considering their pale fragility.

"I never understood."

Narcissa lifted her gaze to his face, curious and wistful, she waited for him to continue.

"I was too childish. Too proud to see. I hated you, for offering to do it. Liking it. Enjoying it. I didn't see the truth until you…"

Understanding gleamed, her lids fluttered closed as she sighed inaudibly.

"We were all children. You hated me as I hated Bella and Bella hated Andy. But it didn't matter; I knew, as they did, that the truth would come, in time. And as for enjoyment…" her half-laugh rang out cynically, "None of us enjoyed it. No," she said as he made to sneer, "Not even Bella."

His mouth snapped shut; Narcissa glanced at him before looking down at her hands again sadly.

"She adored you, you know. Deep down, I think she still does."

The tall youth snarled, his rage and hatred too great for words.

"She couldn't accept it. That we'd lost you. Didn't want to admit that you deserved better."

"Stop…talking….about that bitch." he swung suddenly on his heel, his beautiful face seething with loathing and fury.

"She was one of the ones who attacked the train, did you know that? That she tortured three children? Tortured them while laughing! That she asked Regulus to round any muggle-born first years he found into that last carriage! And he did it, the stupid fool! He and Crouch!"

Narcissa stayed silent, pain creasing her lovely face, the horror in her eyes obscured by the pale bruised lids.

"Dammit Narcissa!" his hands were balled into fists, his teeth bared, his eyes flashing with either tears or rage.

"You shouldn't be here! You're…you're not like them! Why do you pretend to be?"

Her eyes flashed open and her voice was cold as frozen steel.

"Enough."

He broke off, they stared at each other in silence, tension rippling throughout the room, cracking, sparking. The woman in the bed took a deep breath.

"Leave Sirius. Leave…and don't come back."

For a split-second she saw the hurt fill his expression like water. Then, just as she'd intended, his face closed up, the doors slamming shut with iron chains. The sneer curled his lips, only contempt flickering in those beautiful eyes she'd always envied. She could see it, the last shards of hope shattering and dying a cruel death. As it had to be. However painful, however cruel, Merlin knew it had to be this way. He mustn't be dragged back into the darkness, not even by his own conscience. She hadn't freed him for this.

Sirius, the boy who once upon a time had been her favourite little cousin, gave a stiff nod. Then he swung on his heel and marched out of the room without looking back.

* * *

For a few minutes the private ward was silent, as she waited patiently for him to come. And he did, just she'd known he would, striding into the room with all his natural swagger. Her eyes were closed, her golden head laid back on the pillow but he marched to the bedside and waited too; he knew she did not sleep.

With a sigh, she shifted and turned towards him, meeting his harsh steel gaze with that same, faint smile. He did not return it; she hadn't expected him to. But she and she alone could pick about the tiniest softening in those eyes that glared so icily down at her. The sneer was evident in his voice when he spoke, but they both knew how much of an act it really was

"Well, ma'am. Did you withstand temptation or has your _Chevalier _simply left in search of a stretcher to bear you away?"

Her lips lifted, and the spark of mischief in her eyes turned the smile into something resembling her old, mischievous grin.

"And Thou art the dragon, Lucius?" she teased, finally allowing her hand to reach out for him across the gap. After a moment's hesitation he took it.

"Rather the devil; does the Veela not call me _Diable_?" he said sardonically.

Her face clouded briefly, he cursed inwardly and sought for another topic of conversation.

"Your cousin would have the babe as the dragon, I believe. My way of keeping you locked in your tower. No doubt he is relieved at your freedom from it."

The words were as ever laced with that faint undercurrent of sarcasm Lucius Malfoy was famous for, but only his wife could pick out the bitterness hidden deep beneath it now. She gripped his hand as tightly as her weakened strength would allow and the pressure made him bring his gaze obediently back to hers, the sneer still curling his lips. Narcissa ignored it, her expression suddenly worried and unsure

"I will give you a child, Lucius. Please…have faith in me."

Lucius stared into her huge, intensely blue eyes, reading the silent message there. Do not divorce me, she was whispering, pleading. And in pureblood society he would have grounds to do so. The healers had admitted her chances of ever carrying a child to term were slim and a barren wife was as useless to the Malfoy line as a squib heir. Many other men would be seriously considering the question, he knew, as did she. His handsome face darkened, the beautifully carved features sharpening in anger.

"Don't be a fool." he enunciated coldly. Her eyes widened with shock. It only served to enrage him further, and his tone was icy as he continued.

"We will not try for another child until you are fully recovered, be it weeks, months or years. I will not lose my wife to gain a son."

So much that was left unsaid nevertheless was understood in those two simple lines and Narcissa's face turned peaceful once more as she leant back against the pillows. She stole a glance at her husband through her lashes, and his expression of distain brought a laugh to her lips. His eyes flashed, he made to pull away but she tightened her grip on his hand, leaving him the choice of either pulling harder and perhaps toppling her from the bed, or staying where he was. His full lips set into a grim line at her trap, but he made no further movement, not even when that naughty, knowing grin slipped out again.

The minutes passed in a sweet silence and the scene would have astonished any unsuspecting onlooker. Lucius Malfoy was not generally considered the man to sit by his wife's bedside rubbing gentle circles over her hand. He did not smile; that dazzlingly angelic beam was a tool to deceive and dissemble rather than any true expression of mirth. Instead his face was closed, his eyes resting on his wife's face, with an intensity that denied the seeming boredom of his posture. And after a while she spoke again, drowsily, as she wavered on the verge of sleep

"Thank you."

"For?" he said caustically. Narcissa settled more comfortably into the pillows, her eyes drifting shut.

"Not hurting him."

Lucius was silent for a moment, before replying quietly.

"I do not break my word. And now my angel, it is time to fall…"

Her lips lifted at the old, familiar words. His curved upwards for the first time as he pressed her palms to them, one after the other.

"…asleep."

* * *

Somewhere in the distance a clock chimed, it's melodic toll indicating the lateness of the hour as surely as the fading light as the sun made its weary way towards the shadow of the forest that made up the horizon. The boy lounging peacefully on the swing in the centre of the ornamental garden stirred and turned his head away from the bleeding sunset. He settled back against the rough texture of the painted wood, his foot resuming the leisurely push against the grass it had abandoned some time earlier, causing the swing to rock gently back and forth once more.

The girl in his arms sighed in her sleep and clung to him a little tighter. James smiled, an odd mixture of triumph and rueful amusement, as he reached up to thread his fingers amongst her startlingly vivid tresses. They seemed to match the gold and crimson rays that merged across the sky and he wrapped one lock around his index admiringly, before leaning back and staring up at the dying day with a faint sigh of contentment.

The day had gone perfectly, perhaps too well for the hours had slipped by like minutes. They had danced till their legs had given way beneath them and then picnic-ed under the tree's on the feast that Mrs Flipsy, bless her, had prepared. They'd laughed and talked and bickered and laughed some more until the grounds had echoed with Lily's light-hearted giggles and his deeper chuckles.

He had taken her to the stables and introduced her to the pegasi and the horses, grinning as she cooed over each and every one, even his Dad's formidable chestnut Aethonon, Sylvester, not that he told her so. The Head Groom Riddian and his many underlings had been given strict instructions concerning their visit and thankfully, besides the odd grin or wink, none of them made the mistake of calling him "Master". The presence of Salamanca and Cloud also had to be explained to his love's satisfaction, a feat that used up all of his ingenuity. Finally however Lily had accepted that the majestic black stallion and the pretty grey mare did indeed belong to his mother, but that the owner of the Manor housed and cared for them due to his parents being rarely at home, and made no further demur, simply delighted to see her old riding teachers again.

Cloud was equally pleased to see her and demonstrated her joy by making know her wishes to be taken out for a ride most forcefully. James had always preferred brooms to horses but no one could resist the pitious appeal in those huge emerald eyes and so he had agreed, praying to God that his mother never found out that he had saddled and mounted her horse.

Salamanca was at his most docile, much to James' relief as he placed the bridle over his head, and seemed pleased for a chance to stretch his legs. Of course he should have known better. Scarcely were they out of the stables when the magnificent animal launched into a full-pelt gallop and the boy astride him could only be thankful that over two years without practise had not diminished his horsemanship. Once Salamanca had rode out his energy, James pulled him back round and cantered back to where Lily was watching with awed eyes. He'd brought the black horse abreast of Cloud and they had ridden over the grounds for another exhilarating two hours.

Later, having handed the two horses over to Riddian, James had taken Lily to see some of the ornamental gardens, including his favourite, the one they were now sitting in. James stretched his legs out lazily, smirking a little as he remembered that particular triumph. Lily had fallen in love with the mini-maze just as he'd know she would. The swing they were sitting on was at the very centre of the knee-high hedges and he'd told her stories of how much he'd loved finding his way through in his younger years, on visits of course.

James grin twisted a little ruefully. After all his commands to the servants, he'd been the one to slip up the most today. It had been so easy, losing himself in the childhood memories to forget that Lily wasn't supposed to know he'd lived here all his life. She would be stunned, even troubled by such unfathomable riches. She knew of course that he had money, the entire Wizarding world knew and envied it. But the sheer size and scope of the fortune was something the Potter Family did their best to keep out of the public eye. James was society's most eligible bachelor without correcting people's already huge expectations.

There had been so much he'd had to hold back today. So many times he's had to bite his tongue and pull back the recollections or family jokes hovering on his lips. There was a huge amount she didn't know amount him, and whole lot more she'd never guess about his family.

Just like when she'd asked about the music.

If she'd asked for the name of the composer, she would have recognised it immediately. Who wouldn't? It was created by the Greatest Wizarding composer this century and bookworm as she was, Lily would have come across the name a hundred times in her studies. Most people would never make the connection with his family; his mother's maiden name was a closely guarded secret and had been for years, for reasons he'd never really found out. But Lily hadn't met MJ Potter; she'd met only Moniqua Monroe and he was sure that, if the name Cicero Sonatra Miguel Monroe was ever uttered in her presence, clever as she was, she would pick up on it immediately.

The thought of his Grandfather brought a slight pang to James' chest. It had been five years now since his death, six since Mami had gone before him. As James sat there, swinging the seat lightly back and forth, he couldn't help but wonder what they would have thought of Lily. His gazed dropped to rest on her copper head, still nestled into his shoulder, and he briefly pressed his lips to her hair before straightening up once more.

Mami Marie would have adored her, he was sure. She would have had them dance together, clapping and tapping her foot to the world-widely famous music, while Grandpere would smoke his pipe, grumbling in his armchair, but nevertheless watching with a eagle-eye under his brows for the even smallest fault. Mami would smile lovingly, shaking her head before telling them to ignore "the old man", "he knew nothing and start again." because if anyone was the judge on dance it was Mami Marie.

The story was still his favourite, and James tilted back his head, eyes closed and his mother's, warm, spanish tones echoed in his mind, lulling him to sleep as they'd done all those years ago. Even now he remembered it word-perfectly, the rebellion, the treachery and the flight. The return many years later, the thirst for vengeance, and then every plan undone by a girl's ability to dance and to steal away a heart.

The last of the all-but-forgotten Ronaldo line smiled a little ruefully, and stroked his love's head. Would he ever find a time to tell her the family legends? Would she whisper them one day to their own children, only in English rather than Spanish, with a little French dropped in here and there to bring the words alive. Would they ever take their offspring to his other homelands, drag them up the Pyrenees, chase them along the Mediterranean coast, dance to their Great-Grandfather's music until night came, the Spanish sun slept and the stars danced along with them.

He hoped so. But who really knew.

Lives were lost so easily in war, and secrets and memories with them.

* * *

As the sun sank below the tree's the temperature dropped noticeably. Lily had changed out of the magical ball gown and into her own clothes before embarking on their outdoors adventure, but even the black jumper and jeans couldn't quite keep out the chill. She shivered slightly, and buried her face into the warm chest and the arms around her tightened immediately. Blinking blearily, she lifted her head to find James grinning down at her, his teeth very white and even in the fading daylight.

Lily returned the grin a little sheepishly.

"How long was I out for?" she asked, sitting back away from him to stretch her arms over her head with a yawn. James smirked.

"Hmmm only about two hours; at least that's how long the snoring lasted." he teased and Lily eyed him balefully.

"I do not _snore_." she announced with a sniff, "And you will _not_ provoke me into arguing about it."

James opened his eyes wide and nodded obediently, the very picture of innocence.

"Of course not." he agreed meekly, "It must have been the pegasi snorting. Sound carries incredibly far over the grounds." he blinked at her with bright beaming smile and despite her best efforts the silly expression tugged her lips upwards in answer.

"Idiot." she shook her head at his smirk of triumph and settled down back into the warmth of his arms, her head resting comfortably on his broad shoulder.

James let that pass, the smirk still floating cockily on his lips, and resumed playing with the long strands of red hair blowing and tangling in the slight wind. He began to swing the seat once more, so that it moved gently back and forth and Lily was closing her eyes when his voice, low and curious made her turn her head to look up at him.

"How do I score then?" her creased brow betrayed her confusion and he explained, grinning down at her teasingly

"As a date. Good enough to get a second?"

Lily broke out into a loving smirk, tilting her head to the side consideringly. He waited, still smiling down into her pretty face, enjoying watching the way her nose crinkled and her teeth pulled on her lower lip as she thought it over. Then her bright green eyes flashed back to his.

"Hmmm, a little…unoriginal." she shrugged.

James' jaw dropped. Lily choked and burst into giggles at the pure indignation on his face, the way his mouth hung open in very un-sexy disbelief. After a moment the expression disappeared, it's place a dark look of determination that had her eyes sudden widen in fear,

"James,…"

James' lips stretched into his most evil smirk and suddenly he was tickling her unmercifully, brown fingers racing up and down her wriggling sides until she was almost screaming for forgiveness.

"STOP…please, NO!" again laughter overcame her and she tossed and turned in his grip, trying to escaping, shaking with helpless giggles.

She could feel his chest vibrating with low chuckles. Her fingers snatched wildly at his t-shirt, pushing him away and at the same time clutching at him helplessly, causing the smooth black material to ride up over his abs and stretch down at the collar. In the end it was this that saved her. Unable to bear any more damage to his already torn and hastily repaired old favourite, James stopped his assault to remove her grip before the shape was stretched out of all recognition.

He shot her a mocking frown, carefully fixing the t-shirt back into place while she recovered her breath, cheeks still flushed, hair mussed and streaked across her face. Staring up at him from his lap, chest heaving, the silly smile still just touching her mouth, she looked ridiculously desirable and before he could stop himself he had bent down to quickly capture her parted lips.

She returned the kiss readily, small hands slipping up to tangle in his shock of hair, using her arm around his neck as leverage to pull them closer. He could feel her smile and a moment later her pink, pointed tongue ran tantalisingly over his lower lip. He grinned at the unspoken challenge and took the hint, pushing he lips roughly apart and exploring her mouth with a deep, contented male growl.

Tongues battled and danced, their grip on each other became more frantic, more frenzied, until somehow he could feel her fingers ghosting over his back, teasing up his chest, everywhere at once in a way that was making his skin burn and sizzle with heat. His own hands were equally pleasurably occupied but such was her effect on him that it took him a few seconds to remember where they had roamed to whilst his brain had apparently decided to go on holiday. He found them fiercely engaged in working to unhook her bra-strap, the other hand enthusiastically squeezing her breast through the material.

Shock and sudden overwhelming guilt made him almost drop her, and Lily gasped in surprise and made a grab for him to save herself from tumbling to the grass. A half-laugh was on her lips but the overriding emotion was confusion, and she blinked up at him in bewilderment. James wouldn't meet her eye. She lifted a brow and sat up on the swing beside him, crossing her legs with a huff and an expectant looked. And there she waited.

James' head was thrown back, his eyes shut and his swollen lips muttering things to fast for her to catch. He was obviously berating himself, knowing him for his lack of self-control. Lily pouted impatiently; her love was seriously starting to irritate her with his noble intentions. Her arms folded grumpily, she glared at the pretty flowers around them as though the rejection could be laid at their door. Eventually James stopped insulting himself and turned to face her, his handsome face the picture of remorse.

"I'm sorry Lils. I shouldn't have let it get that far. When it comes to you my brain seems just to fly out the window but I will, I WILL keep my word, I swear."

To his surprise, instead of being gratified at this manly pronouncement, his love raised clenched fists to heaven and exhaled in frustration.

"ARGHHH!"

James flinched back in alarm before very quickly resuming his previous position with a frown at himself for being so damn whipped. Pansy, a voice in his head mocked. James growled and put on his most nonchalant smirk, lifting his chin and lounging back lazily. Then the look on Lily's face chased all thoughts of his ego and endangered manliness out of his head.

His love's eyes were spitting sparks at him and even on her pretty face, the expression was so murderous as to make him gulp, pathetic or otherwise. Sirius could try facing that look; they'd soon see who was whipped!

The tiny redhead was sitting rigidly upright, glaring at him as though he just announced his intention to join Voldemort. Her small index finger suddenly bounced off his chest, hard enough for his hand to come up and cover the painful spot reproachfully. Lily ignored his pout with all the contempt it deserved.

"James…Henry…POTTER!"

Damn, he knew he shouldn't have told her his middle name… AIE!

"Enough with the poking!"

"This is getting ridiculous!"

James glared at her sulkily but the look that usually couldn't fail to drag a grin out of her had no effect today. Lily looked ready to kill; the treacherous, very dumb part of his brain wondered if she had her…you know, _things_! James shoved the thought quickly aside, guessing quite correcting that his love would possibly object to such an assumption and he did his best to look innocently bewildered.

"What?"

Inwardly he rolled his eyes. SO eloquent, Prongs!

"THIS! This running away with your tail between your legs every time we get even CLOSE to each other!"

James stared at the seething redhead blankly. Then he snuck a glance down at the area in question that hadn't quite settled back down again, eyeing it in confusion.

"Muggle's call it a tail?" he hazarded, all at sea. Lily's hand slapped into her face, and her lips formed an "o" as she breathed out and forced herself to remain calm and collected.

"No, just…what I mean is…" she frowned at him, her expression suddenly more serious. A flicker of hurt lurked in the back of her green eyes and it was this that suddenly brought James' mind fully to attention. His brows lowered in worry, already threatening himself with bloody murder for whatever he'd done, whatever he'd said to bring that look of disappointment into his love's eyes.

Lily stared at her crossed legs for a moment, and the boy in front of her waited, his gaze fierce and intense and fixed on her face. When she finally looked up, it was with a shyness that surprised him all the more. Her teeth chewed on her lower lip, a sure sign that she was uncomfortable, and when she spoke the words came out in a rush

"You're…_allowed_…to touch me." Lily blushed bright pink, fingers gripping the fabric of her jumper tightly. She peeped up at him through her lashes, unsure of his reaction but the sudden closed look on his face made her frown in exasperation. Shyness was forgotten, for Merlin's sake this was the twentieth century and if she wanted her boyfriend to feel her up she would bloody well tell him so!

"I love you!"

She dropped her hands to the seat before her, leaning forward earnestly, her brows still frowning in irritation at his making her say the words.

"I love it when you kiss me, I love it when you touch me, James! I want you! There, I said it! My Grandma is probably turning in her grave right now but, so be it! It's true! I want you, you want me! And don't you dare insult me by trying to tell me that you don't, the truth was poking me in the back not five minutes ago! What is there it that that's so complicated?"

James's face was completely expressionless, impassive. Sirius could have told her that this mask was inherited, a defence mechanism against those he loved to well to hurt with either his wand or his biting sarcasm. In truth it proved just how much he cared for her, that he forced himself into lock-down rather than lose his admittedly nasty temper and say something he would later regret. Finally he spoke, in a low tone void of any emotion.

"I told you, I'm not going to do this while we're not…defined. While our relationship isn't defined."

It was cold, almost clinical and it immediately set her back up even more. She unconsciously moved away from him, her chin lifting defiantly, a militant spark in those emerald eyes.

"So you're telling me this is just blackmail material? Until I give in and go back out with you?"

James turned his head, his mask cracking slightly under the lash of her half-mocking, half-bitter tone. Part of him knew she was deliberately winding him up, trying to make him lose his temper and his control, but it was working. He ground his teeth, trying to push aside the anger and resentment flaring up at her unfair words.

"You do have a low opinion of me, don't you Evans. Any attempt I make to treat you with respect has to have an ulterior motive! Anything I do to try and convince you that I changed only damns me all the more! I just can't win with you can I?"

He jumped to his feet, standing with his back to her with his fists clenched and held forcefully at his sides. His white, even teeth were gritted so hard they threatened to grind away to nothing, his hazel eyes had darkened to treacle, flashing dangerously with rage.

Lily followed him stubbornly, arm's still folded across her chest, ignoring their difference in height and the disadvantage it put her at. She glared at him just as fiercely; she was SICK of this, sick of getting everything she wanted only to have it pulled away at the last second! Sick of him making her doubt herself! She knew he wanted her, but Merlin! any girl would agree that the rejection when he pulled away still stung.

It wasn't reasonable or logical! Somewhere in the more rational part of her brain, a voice pointed out that he was being noble, and mature and respectful. He was trying his best to win her forgiveness and prove that she wasn't just another conquest. So yes, she was being unreasonable; did he think she didn't know that! But still, the frustration every time he left her hanging, every time his lips seemed to promise what they wouldn't afterwards fulfil.

"I _want _you to respect me! I know that you do! But I also…Merlin James, I've thought about you every night ever since we…we fell apart! I've _wanted_ you , every night, even though I hated it! Even though I hated YOU, it still didn't stop me thinking of how you kissed me, touched me,…."

She trailled off a little bittterly. She hadn't been like him, shagging girl left-right-and-centre for the past year; all the desire, the longing for him she'd locked up, eating her up inside like a cancer. She couldn't even think of any other boy touching her like that; it had to be him and that knowledge alone bothered her. And the fact that he didn't seem to have the same problem had made the pill even more bitter to swallow.

He read her thoughts as though they were written on her face, the ones that hurt her the most all too audible despite their being left unspoken. Frustration, guilt, shame, they all mixed together and made him spin round and face her. With an expression so dark, so intense Lily almost cringed away, he locked their gazes and said almost cruelly

"Right, lets play this cards on the table. You want the truth, Lily? Of course I fucking want you!"

He was close enough to touch, and dangerous enough to fear.

"I've wanted you since the first time I snuck into Prefects' Bathroom for a laugh and ended up trapped there watching you get fucking naked in front of me! For the past year every girl I slept with I had my eyes shut! Because if I didn't imagine it was you I couldn't even get it up! I wanked to you, your photo, your memory whatever! on average between once and five times a day! Even when I loathed you more that Voldemort himself it was bloody torture just to walk past you on the way to class and NOT throw you against the wall and fuck you till you screamed for me to take you back!"

She was pale in the fading light, his eyes flashed like forest fires.

"Just having you near me makes me want you more than I've ever wanted any girl in my life! And the more we touch, the further we go, the more damned _difficult_ it is to stop!"

A bitter smile half-twisted his lips, he cracked out a laugh.

"When you walk down the hallways in your little skirt, smiling at every one who passes, watching them ogle you as you leave! Knowing that I can't slam their faces into the wall or hex them till they can't see straight! When Mick, or Snivellus sit there drooling at you down their shirts, and I CAN'T punch them in the face for even thinking about MY girl that way! And then we get back to the common room and you smile and look like perfection itself, dammit Lily, it's all I can do not to drag you to my room and never let you out! So that they can't look at you, can't see you, can't have you!"

The anger was gradually seeping out of his voice, giving way to frustration, even weariness.

"Want you? I want you so much it scares me, Lils. So much that if I don't do _something…._some kind of control, I'd end up treating you like one of those dammed blow-up dolls the muggles use when they can't get any action,….and I WON'T do that!"

His jaw was set in stone, his expression so unyielding, so dangerously determined that at first Lily could only nod dumbly. James' face relaxed a bit, his words coming more easily.

"Just try to understand me on this. I want to do this the right way; like we did last time only without my major fuck-up at the end. Courtship, relationship and then sex! Just for a change." he quirked a little grin. "Every other girl I just skip one and two and go straight for three."

Lily sniffed, unimpressed by this modest and sensitive pronouncement, however true it no doubt was. She eyed him with a look of dislike, annoyed by the fact that he seemed likely to win this argument. In a last ditch attempt however, she stuck out her chin and said warningly

"I do, sort of understand your very twisted reasoning," she said reluctantly, "However…!"

James narrowed his eyes warily, mistrusting the expression of mischief fighting its way through her unsuccessful attempt to appear innocent.

"However…?" he prompted guardedly. Lily smile was sweeter than honey.

"However, what silly rules YOU choose to impose upon yourself, in no way has any effect what I do or don't do, correct?" James, glared at her in dawning comprehension of where this was going but she continued blithely without letting him speak,

"Therefore I think it only fair to warn you now that I will be doing everything possible to persuade you to…rethink your stance on this argument." she ended with the Potter smirk and little triumphant lights dancing in her eyes. James groaned. Lily crowed merrily.

"We'll see how long it takes for you to crack!" she winked at him, lips quivering in an effort not to burst out laughing. James tilted his head to the side, his trademark smirk tilting up the corners of his mouth consideringly,

"That, Evans, sounds suspiciously like a challenge." he said, an answering gleam in his eye.

"I suppose it does, doesn't it." Lily's laughter sparkled like sunlight on water. "Why? Is the Great James Potter not up for a challenge?" she taunted him shamelessly. Mischief bubbling on her lips, she danced closer, tantalizing him as he smirked down at her appreciatively.

"Stakes?" he said simply. Lily paused to think about it for moment.

"Well if I win, the prize is rather obvious." she grinned impishly. He rolled his eyes and Lily fought back the giggle, "If you win, well that's for you to decide."

James stroked his chin, fingers scratching the coarse stubble.

"What count's as me winning?" he asked shrewdly. Lily blinked up at him innocently through those long dark red lashes.

"You not jumping on me…before we are officially going out?"

James chuckled and folded his own arms across his broad chest, copying her favourite stance.

"Not on your life, Lils. Surely you don't think the Chief of the Marauder's is dumb enough to fall for that one? I want a definite time period, no vague 'until I decide otherwise' bullshit."

Lily pouted, then sighed theatrically; she'd known full well he wouldn't buy it. One can but try.

"Fine. Until…Halloween." she finished with a grin. "That's three weeks away? Think you stick it out that long?"

James tilted his head lazily back and proceeded to throw her his most arrogant smirk. The sun was completely out of sight by now, the sky a glorious shade of crimson. In the half-light his beautiful face was a painting of shadows and gold, somewhat tigerish, rather like that annoying self-satisfied grin.

"Like taking candy from a house-elf."

Lily smiled sweetly back, refusing to rise to the bait.

"It's a bet then."

She spun on her heels with a triumphant peel of laughter and began to run towards the West Side Entrance to the Manor, copper bangs streaking out behind her, her delighted giggles carrying over the breeze to the boy's ears. He didn't hear them.

James face was a picture of shock, tense, even stricken as the word made his entire body clench in a wave of guilt that almost brought him to his knees. It only lasted a moment. A second later the rigid control was back in place, and as he turned to follow in the red-head's wake only the bob of his adam's-apple as he swallowed one last time, gave any hint as to his inward turmoil.

He raced into the wind, depending on it's howl to drown out the dreaded word that still rang painfully in his ears.

* * *

The fire-whiskey spat and steamed as it vanished; it felt the hundredth during the six long weeks. She drained it to the dregs, smacking her lips theatrically, before snapping her fingers towards the bar for another.

Kenny Crook was waiting eagerly for just that sign, and the next steaming tankard was on the table before she had time to blink. Inwardly she laughed; with all the galleons she was throwing in the shit's pocket, he'd better give the best service a bar could offer. The pale, wet-mouthed man no longer lingered jealously at the booth after each drink for his dues. Instead he waited with his greasiest smile, tallying up the bill in his head as the nights went by and the empty tankards were filled and emptied once more. Six weeks of being his best customer had earned a little privacy at least. If only the poor man knew she was vanishing his best stock wandlessly every time she took a sip.

She came every night, under cover of a hopeless alcoholic, one no less dangerous after 10 drinks than after her first. The poor fools who had tried to pluck her at a game of poker had wriggled away cringing after only an hour, with empty pockets and glares of hatred towards the figure shrouded completely in black. The next evening the thugs had returned, this time with reinforcements and less savoury plan to get their losses back. It took all of her resolve not to kill them. No one had attacked her after that; the word had spread fast. That the newcomer in the cloak was as lethal with his wand as he was at cards.

Her quarry didn't always come. She hadn't expected them to; if she made an appearance every night it was to try and establish a pattern as to when they _did _come. This was a reconnaissance mission after, MJ repeated her husbands words with just a touch of loving irony.

So far she'd learned much about the pureblood youth's shady dealing but nothing that would hold up in court against sackloads of gold. To convict Bellatrix Black, she would need to find her in the arms of Riddle himself, and even that would mean nothing if she couldn't bring forth the evidence to prove it. The corruption in the Ministry still held as strong as it had almost twenty-five years ago.

_Mais bon, _if it hadn't been for that same corruption and greed, where would they be now?

Under the safety of her hood, Moniqua sighed ruefully, thinking back to the days when they young, stubborn and foolish. _Mon Dieu,_ how they were foolish. She hoped James wouldn't take so long to see the truth that was staring him in the face. His face crept into her mind with a pang. An ache of love and longing. Her little one, her darling, her greatest gift. She'd never thought she could love another human being so much, so unselfishly. Even her love for Henry wasn't so fierce. Desperate, needing, eternal yes, but not so irrational and consuming. Motherhood had changed her as it changed all woman, she smiled remembering her own Maman saying those timeless words all those years ago.

"To be a mother is to become a lioness. To defend her mate she will kill, without pity or hesitation. To defend her cub she will die, with a smile of triumph on her lips."

The chill stole up her spine like an cold finger. How much longer; if she'd wondered once she'd wondered a thousand times. The decision she'd taken all those years ago, it was present in every aspect of her life. The idea of not knowing, the truth that time was slipping away. The knowledge that with every second that went by, two were being struck from her lifespan… It was frightening reality to live with. So many would have crumbled under it's weight and yet MJ Potter leaned back in her booth and smirked her famous smirk.

The words that had once seemed so ridiculous now made sense rigt down in her very soul; she would die, yes and she would also smile.

But not yet.

Moniqua sent another quick, watchful glance around the dingy pup, eyeing each table under the shadow of her hood. They were few in number tonight, and she wondered why. The Malfoy boy, the Blacks and the Lestranges were all conspicuous for their absences. The meeting had been planned for tonight, she was certain. But only two sat and drank at the table in the darkest corner of the room, neither of which she recognised. Poly-juice potion? No, it seemed unlikely. What would have put them suddenly on their guard. Why the sudden change of plans?

It was at that moment that the Pub door opened, blowing a gust of icy October wind into the grimy, low-celinged space. The bell rang, Kenny Crook hurried forward rubbing his hands together greedily but the stranger on the doorstep's expression made him fall back, mouth hanging open slightly in shock.

Moniqua stiffened, her entire body tense as a knife as her senses picked up the taste of magic. A taste so familiar that it send shivers down her spine and set her hands trembling as they grasped her wand under her cloak.

He was lingering in the doorway. Any movement might attract his attention and so Moniqua forced herself to remain rigid in her seat. The gall of the bastard, waltzing into a _lieu publique_ as though he owned it. Again the urge to strangle Kenny Crook stung her fingertips. The slimy shitbag was actually harbouring the world most wanted man, and offering him whiskey. The danger she was in suddenly hit her like a tonne of bricks, and the first thought that came into her head was a desperate longing for Henry. Her love, her heart, her other half. Henry who perhaps alone on this earth that could defeat the demon before her.

He had paused on the doorstep; now he moved and glided into the room, fully aware that every eye was fixed upon him. The air around him seemed to die an agonising death, he gave off an aura that brought looks of fear into the faces of every man present, hardened criminals and murders though most of them were.

She daren't lift her head, nor lower it. Just as easily as she had picked up the flavour of his insanely powerful magic, so too she knew that one look in his eyes and he would know her immediately. He would pass her table to get to his own. If she could hold it together for just a little while…

Lord Voldemort glided closer until he was less than a meter away. As he drew level with her booth his tall thin frame checked ever so briefly. Moniqua waited, heart in her mouth, screaming silently for her galloping heartbeat to not betray her….

He moved on, reaching the furthest booth where the two men sat as obviously nervous as everyone else, and seated himself gracefully.

The minutes passed like hours. Moniqua forced herself to pick up the tankard before her and drain it properly. Any hint of magic and she was lost. It burned as it went down; she fought the urge to choke and splutter. Now she had to get out of here fast, before the mind-numbing s effects slowed her reactions and dulled her senses.

MJ stood up, trying to be both inconspicuous and at the same time giving the impression that she was unconcerned by the arrival of the newcomer.

Marching up to the bar, she forced herself to breath, her ears automatically listening for movement behind her. She reached into the pockets of her cloak, searching for the galleons crook was waiting for, his pale eyes darting from hidden face to the table behind her. She heaved out a handful of gold, putting them down onto the counter and turning to go, go and get out of there as soon as possible. Then Crook unctuous tones made her turn back, eyes flashing with frustration.

"Ma'am is...one galleon short, I'm afraid." he smiled that greasy smile, still watching the far table nervously out of the corner of his eye. Moniqua swore inwardly and forced herself not to do the same, fought to remain calm as she nodded curtly and delved once more into her robes for the one remaining galleon.

It seemed to happen in slow motion. Her fingers clasped over the smooth metal, and began to slowly, oh so slowly lift it out. She felt the hem of her sleeve catch on something, registered her mind screaming at her to stop. It didn't. Her fist came out and with it came the pistol, caught on the fraying material but only just, so that when it was free of the pocket, it fell.

MJ could only watch it hit the floor.

The bang shook the building. The bullet buried itself mercifully in the wall but by then it was too late. Before she even had time to turn, the wand was at her neck and that soft, hateful voice musing quietly in her ear.

"Moniqua Monroe… how long it's been."

Chin lifted stubbornly to the sky, Moniqua ground her white teeth and hissed back in tones of deepest loathing.

"Not…long….enough!"

* * *

**OOOFF! Wow, that was definitely a heavy one! But we're getting there! =D =D =D I can't believe how excited I am about the next bit, because as I mentioned in First Steps, this is the part when everything starts to COME OUT! All the secrets about Henry, James, Voldemort, Moriarty, they all begin to link together in the next chapter! And I can't wait! Also because I've written the scene which you may remember from the boggart, you know with Moniqua and Riddle? Well I've finished the scene it comes from in first steps and it should be some where after the next Chapter. DAMN I'm excited! XD XD XD Sad isn't it ^^**

**Ask me questions, throw me ideas and theories, I love them all and I do try to get back to as many people as possible concerning them! **

**The gun! SOOOOO important is the gun BTW, I think I mentioned it before but I can't stress it enough! **

**One last thing I forgot to mention was a little note about Lily's character in this story. A reader messaged me a few days ago that while he liked All Over Again, he found Lily's representation not very well…Lily-ish basically. **

**Don't get me wrong this isn't a rant, but it was a valid enough point that I found it turning over in my own mind and therefore ended up wanting to explain it a little here. **

**In a sense it's true, most fics that I've read portray Lily as more of a bookworm, often uptight, rather like a female version of Percy until James comes along and gets her to let her hair down. I love loads of these fics and that "style" of Lily has never bothered me, but I guess in my own mind I've never actually imagined her that way. Maybe I'm wrong, I haven't re-read the books in almost three months so I could be, but I don't remember anything in them that ever indicated that Lily was bookish or a rule-freak. (As I said, if I've missed some crucial passage to tell me. ^^ lol if I'm making a complete fool out of myself here which is very possible, indeed probable. It happens quite a lot ;) ) **

**Anyway, back to the point, I've always got the impression that Lily was spunky and fearless, with lot's of charm and humour, a strong sense of justice, exceptionally loving and kind-hearted, but stubborn a lot of the time and with one heck of a temper. Which is how I've tried my best to portray her, is what I'm basically trying to say. To explain MY reasoning behind her character but lets face it, when you read a book, you automatically create the characters in your head and so no-one's idea of James or Lily or any of them will ever be the same. Sorry for the ramble XD As I said, it seemed a point worth expanding on. **

**Anyway, please I want your thoughts on this one! READ AND REVIEW! =) =) **

**Luv ya!**

**Lili**

**X x x x x x x x**


	30. Chapter 30

**Hello, I'm not sure you will even remember me, and if you do heaven knows I don't deserve it. I know that many of you have been wondering if this story was discontinued, as well as First Steps and Tears of Gold. I owe every single reader, reviewer, loyal fan, ALL of you an apology. Such a big apology that it would take too long to put into words and the same holds true for the explanation. It's…personnel and I really don't want to go into it, and therefore I apologise for not even being able to justify this absence. **

**I will understand if most of you have given up on me and this story, I certainly don't deserve anything less. For anyone still willing to read AOA, despite my disappearance off the face of Fanfiction-Earth , well you're really too generous lol. In any case, here IS the Chapter that has been so long in coming. There is a HUGE amount of stuff going on and COMING OUT for want of a better expression, one reason that it has been so damn hard to write. To all who are fab enough to still read and review, I promise that this chapter will pose TONS of new questions, new mysteries lol. Feel free to send them all in, I am officially BACK and answering. My next goal is to get up First Steps 12 and thirteen and answer all the brilliant people who have been messaging me and who I haven't responded to. I can only promise that such a thing will NOT happen again. Oh and before I forget, for those who aren't as interested in the MJ/Henry sideline, I do apologise as this chapter is very much around them BUT there is a reason for this. And this chapter overlaps with First Steps lol, the knot that joins everything together. I'm sorry there isn't more Lily/James in this one but the next chapter will be much much more centred on them, promise.**

**Again my sincerest apologies to everyone, and I truly hope you enjoy this.**

**Lili**

**xxxxxxxxxxxxxx**

* * *

All Over Again Chapter: 30

The silence was absolute in the normally bustling department. So absolute it was almost eerie. Chilling.

The staff of secretaries and Aurors either sat and worked wordlessly at their desks or tiptoed down the aisles with nervous glances at The Door, their faces pale and solemn as the grave.

Quills scratched, coffee was sipped and replaced onto desks with greatest care to avoid even the chink of china on wood. Eyes met conspiringly across the room, tense and grim before lowering back to the papers in front of them. Ears listened and waited in dread for the soft silken voice that would indicate the necessity of one poor soul crossing the threshold and confronting that cold, expressionless face with stammered words of failure on their lips.

Pity for their fellows and fear for him or herself stained their faces alternately green and red and deadly white. Muggle traffic lights on a never ending loop.

The hands of the huge clock clunked by, each one as loud and ominous as a funeral march's drum.

A bad omen. And the silence held.

It was broken by the heavy, limping footfall of a well-known figure. A lopsided yet powerful body topped with a horrific face that was gnarled and twisted like a lump of wood carved by an amateur with only a vague idea of what the human features were meant to resemble. Frightening scars tore the cheeks and brow to shreds, and as his cloak billowed out behind him, the reason for the repetitive "thunk", "thunk", "thunk" as he moved became uncomfortably apparent; a club leg, from floor to knee in the likeness of a lion's paw.

Moody was his name, Alastor to those few he called friends and he had earned his title of Squad Leader over fifteen years ago now. The toughest , roughest and bad-ass-est of some of the most well-trained and exceptional Wizards in Britain. Respected rather than admired and feared far more than either; he was famously paranoid, invariably gruff and bad-tempered. Nevertheless, he was arguably the Ministry's top Auror.

Personally, Moody thought it was a load of bollocks. If anyone deserved the useless honour, it was MJ. But sexism still ran strong in the pureblood society and if Moody pointed out with scathing frustration the actual numbers, the old fools higher-up stuck stubbornly to their guns and principals.

Not that MJ cared. It was one of the things he liked best about his old fellow trainee. She didn't give a shit of what snooty, prejudiced officials thought of her. And they could grumble all they liked, as much as the snivelling cowards dared. If they tried it within one man's hearing, their career tended not to last long. "HAH!"

Laugher cracked like a whip from the man's throat, causing half the department to look up in horror. Moody ignored them, still limping towards The Door, the doorway in fact that separated the office of the Head of the Department from the rest of the floor. The present holder of this title being one Henry Charlus Potter.

Now there was a name to send a fair tingle down your spine.

Alastor Moody was not one to shrink at reporting to his superiors. He had faced more death eaters than most of his fellow aurors put together, and the fact that he had escaped every one of them almost intact, said a lot for his skill and grit.

The rest of his colleagues kept a respectful distance. Mad Moody they called him when out of hearing but not even the most sceptical could sniff at his records. The single-handed capture of the Aramus Twins, the rescue of Hannibal Abbott, his wife and young son from their family Mansion that had been sealed and set alight, the protection of the entire village of Jacobs Well in Surrey,…it was a list of exploits worthy of a hero. They said he'd even duelled You-Know-Who himself, though the grumpy cross between a snort and a growl neither confirmed nor denied the rumour.

His astonishing bravery as well as his stubborn resolve to kill only as a last resort were legendary. If his rather rough and brutal manner was deplored and his distrust in anything and anyone he had not known for a minimum of fifteen years mocked by the younger pureblood rich-kid trainees, when push came to shove, Moody was one of the foundation stones both the department and the Ministry, and if he ever tried to leave, they would have sold their children's souls to keep him.

Indomitable courage and stubborn resolution; he was the living example of both. But when asked by an eager reporter if anything in the world truly inspired fear in him, he had barked a grim laugh and growled

"HAH! A cranky Head of Department."

The poor interviewer from the Prophet had blinked in disbelief and then playfully supposed he was joking, but his fellow aurors, reading the paper when it was published the following week, had all cracked up laughing, knowing exactly what he meant.

Henry Potter rarely left the Ministry nowadays. As personnel adviser to the Minister, Head of the Auror Department and member of the Wizangamot, the occasional field missions had gradually dwindled and finally had had to be abandoned some years previously. Not at his own request; if anything in spite of it.

The uncomfortable truth was that good aurors were uncommon but, if with difficulty, replaceable. Henry Charlus Potter was not. For the simple reason that, while he was perhaps the greatest, certainly the most successful auror the Ministry had ever had, those skills made up not even a fraction of his actual worth.

Strategy, Diplomacy, Financial Affaires, Law, Politics, his genius and complete mastery extended to every domain. If it had been at all possible, the Ministry would have had him heading every department. As it was, he had been offered the post of Minister twice, and twice he had refused it. To most's despair and certain politicians' greedy relief, he had sworn a binding oath after the second request, to remain the Head of the Auror Department and no more.

The Ministry had been understandably outraged and infuriated, and so they had got round this stubbornness by simply making him an unofficial adviser without a title. The summons had initially been met with a curt refusal but after months of haggling, begging and one final appeal to the headstrong auror he was married to, Henry Potter had grudgingly accepted.

But it was not solely the man's genius that provoked the laughter nor the comment. Moody, however secretly impressed by an IQ approaching 200, was not one to bow down to a man because of it. Nor was it the legendary power he was said to possess in a duel or the skill and finesse with which he wielded his strange wand. Both were off the charts and inspired fear in the department's lesser minions but Mad Moody was made of sterner stuff.

What sent a shiver down the hardened warrior's spine was simple enough. Henry Potter's manner. One look from those striking eyes of dark, empty hazel, he frankly admitted, was enough to make him break out into a cold sweat.

Anger was a lesser emotion and one that Henry Potter indulged in on average twice a year. The few times he had however, had left a scar on the minds of every traumatized soul in the department. Invariably, he was cold, unreadable and uncannily acute to the point of rumoured omniscience. Every word spoken in his department, every comment, grudge, friendship, or problem he was aware of and would react to if deemed necessary, in a way that was as swift as it was decisive.

He had sent packing without a minute's warning the arrogant pureblood cad who believed his money and his father gave him the right to any woman when and where he felt like it. No official complaint was ever made. But barely one hour after Katie Spencer had tearfully admitted to her outraged friend and superior Marlene McKinnon that the new foreign exchange auror Dolohov had attempted to sexually assault her during the lunch-break, the dark-skinned, faintly accented womanizer had been called to The Door.

Dolohov had swaggered inside with a white-toothed grin on his chiselled face. He had come out pale, swaying on his feet and incapable of speech.

He hadn't returned.

Marlene had swallowed and swore truthfully that she hadn't said a word. Any disbelief they other members of the department might have felt had been speedily put to rest by their superior himself. Henry Potter had glided out of his office with that vampiric grace and summoned all seventy staff members to a short and succinct meeting. Any similar assault would be dealt with just as mercilessly. Anyone failing to report such an incident either against themselves or another would be severely reprimanded.

The next day, Katie Spencer received on her desk a letter of apology from the Minister himself, and compensation of three thousand galleons, for the humiliation and suffering she had endured. It was not long before it leaked out that the money was funded by Potter himself, and the respect felt for their Head of Department increased tenfold.

Aie, respect, and damned if he didn't deserve it too. Henry Potter was holding this government together by his fingertips and purse-strings. Without him, Voldemort would be already in power; with him, they were hanging in there, barely. Him and Dumbledore. The Order of the Phoenix had been slow in its creation but between them they had pulled together some of the best and brightest witches and wizards of the age. Not that he trusted many of them. Hah! Constant vigilance, that was the ticket! None of this brother's in arms tosh. They were fighting a war, dammit! But if there were two men he did reluctantly have faith in, it was Albus and Potter.

Faith however would not make this interview any easier, and experience told him that what awaited him through The Door was a very unpleasant ten minutes.

With a growl to cover his inward qualm, he thumped roughly on the polished surface, throwing as he did so a contemptuous glare around at the blanching staff-members. They quickly turned back to their work. A low voice call out for him to enter and with a growl, Mad Moody did.

* * *

Being an auror was a hazardous profession, with a high-death rate and injury statistics that leaned towards the ninety-nine-point-nine percent "inevitable". Moody hadn't signed on blind or stupid. He'd known damned well what he was getting into. Scars, loss of limbs they weren't unusual by any standards in this line of work and Moody had never been one to care much about his appearance.

His battle-wounds were well-earned and fought-to-the-death-for; damned if he wasn't proud of them sometimes; in general the better you were, the more you were sent out and the more scars you brought back with you.

If you came back.

But it had to be said that looking at the man sitting gracefully back in his leather chair in front of him, well he couldn't quite repress a huff.

Henry Potter was the living exception to the gory House Rule. And as he lifted his gaze from the single slip of paper that lay stark and white against his mahogany desk, it could be seen that neither time nor hard, gruelling work had done much to mar those impossibly chiselled features. His chin was perhaps a little stronger, his cheekbones so defined they bordered on gaunt, but he supposed he could see why many foolish females of the department still declared him a devastatingly attractive figure of a man and languished after him hopelessly. Pffff, silly twits.

As always Henry's cool gaze pinned him to the floor. They were still some of the hardest eyes Moody had ever seen, a kaleidoscope of colours that merged into a fathomless pool of hazel. The sort of eyes that froze you where you stood, raked through your soul and spat you out the other side.

Moody knew the man too well to be much put off by that disconcerting absence of any emotion at all. But the indefinable aura of power and authority that radiated from him still took a few moments of getting used to. And powerful he still was, Moody gave him grudgingly. Potter hadn't fall into the trap of allowing a desk job to soften his lean muscles and punishing exercise regime.

He was all in all, far better looking than anyone who could boast of over twenty years of working in the Auror department, had any right to be.

Not that he hadn't always been pretty. A wry grin slashed upwards, twisting the distorted features even more. The first day of his training, aye, he remembered that day. Moody had obnoxiously demanded who had let in the puppy. Henry had raised a beautifully shaped brow and replied with deadly calm that as the superior officer and their Head Trainer for the next three years, he had let himself in. MJ had fairly pissed herself laughing.

That same brow lifted in present day, a touch of amusement in the rather cynical motion.

"You were indelicate even then, Alastor."

Moody started and glared at him in deep suspicion. One corner of Potter's mouth twitched. His eyes held a great deal of comprehension and even a glint of friendly mockery. He looked at his guest apologetically,

"You were staring disgruntledly at my face," he said by way of explanation, "As though my lack of mutilation or scarring still wrangles. In addition to your reminiscing look, it seemed a likely explanation."

Moody was surprised into a bark of laughter.

"How was I to know we were to be taught by the great Henry Potter himself. Though I should' a guessed there was something up from the way the other dimwits were begging and scraping at your feet," he added after a deliberate pause and a hint of a grin, "SIR."

Henry didn't smile; Moody would have been alarmed if he had, but the gleam - it _was_ bloody amusement - still lingered and Moody breathed a little easier. It seemed his superior was in a better mood than he had been recently. This was encouraging though it was unlikely to last when he delivered the dismal news of yet another day's worth of failure.

Moody grumbled to himself and pondered how to admit the truth. But before he could even half-form an opening statement, his superior interrupted with one of his extremely disconcerting moments of omniscience and commented with an undercurrent of sarcasm,

"There is obviously no news worth relating Alastor, or else you would have informed me immediately. Do not grasp for ways to make the truth more palatable."

Moody's brows snapped together and he replied through his teeth,

"No sir."

The return to formality showed that the man's rather volatile temper was exasperated. Henry stared at him haughtily aloof for a few moments before finally sighing.

"My apologies Alastor. This lack of progress…wearies me." he pronounced the syllables with distaste, his face a mask, unreadable and undecipherable. Moody snorted with a distinct lack of respect.

"Lack of news you mean," he muttered.

Henry's eyes flashed.

"I beg your pardon?" the question was posed silkily. Moody had the grace to look a little sheepish. He reached up and scrunched his rather wild hair.

"We're all missing her, Potter," he muttered gruffly.

Henry said nothing, his eyes staring into the void in front of his face, his expression frozen and blank and dangerous enough make Alastor Moody swallow. For a few moments, power, ripples of power pulsed back and forth in the room, Moody could feel it lapping at his skin like waves. The lamps flickered, the vase on a nearby cabinet trembled at the pressure but before Moody could work out whether to stick his ground or get the hell out of there, the tension suddenly washed away.

Henry relaxed in his chair and breathed in slowly.

"Think Alastor. What did they talk about? What did they have common?"

It was a low murmur, half to his guest half to himself. His lids were creased tightly as his remarkable brain buzzed at its full potential. Moody scratched his chin thoughtfully,

"MJ and Burbage went way back to their Hogwarts years. They were muggle-fans both of them. Top in that class I think." he chanced a quick gnarled grin, "At least out of those who went to class."

Henry rolled his eyes distractedly but continued staring grimly down at the piece of paper. On it was printed a simple sequence of digits, the same digits that the cryptologists had been trying to crack for over a month. 21052106. A pale hand crept up to push the rebellious lock of hair out of his eyes as he murmured

to himself at a speed that Moody couldn't hope to catch. Only the odd word could be occasionally picked out; muggle studies, fifth year, half-blood, calculator,

"They've tried all of the standard codes; they've performed every combination of every mathematical operation in existence on every possible combination of these numbers." he finally said slowly, and shot one of those paralyzing stares at the man before him. Immediately though he turned his hard gaze back to the parchment.

"An impossible _riddle_; you were always better at this than me." he added to someone no longer there, just a little bitterly.

Suddenly he squared his shoulders and pushed down the sleeves of his robes. Then, to Moody's absolute shock, he did the unthinkable and slipped off the silver loop around his wrist. THE loop.

The bracelet that was never removed.

Moody almost expected some kind of explosion; his mangled face was already etched an expression of horror, as though somehow, some instinct told him that it was not good; the band of silver was not supposed to move; not supposed to be re-moved. But nothing happened.

Henry fixed his elbows on the polished surface of the desk and stared at the shining ring so intensely one half expected it to catch alight.

His fingers ran round the smoothness of the silver, caringly yet coldly, affectionately yet with a lingering distaste. His iron gaze never once wavered from the empty centre of the circle, as though if he focused all his attention upon it, the answer would appear right there.

"Yes," a low murmur, "You always hungered for the impossible. Always aimed for the moon. Forgetting that sometimes the simplest of things could upset an otherwise perfect plan. You always…overlooked…the pawns."

And suddenly it was there; the sudden gleam in that otherwise expressionless face that on the field meant they were saved; faced with an impossible conundrum, the crucial element had been found. The bracelet was slipped back over his wrist where it immediately shrank to a snug yet comfortable fit. His head snapped up and his voice rapped out harshly,

"Simple, Alastor! It must be simple or Lord Voldemort would have remarked and erased it. What is the most usual usage for a sequence of eight digits?"

"Euhh…"

Henry waved a hand and picked up a luxury eagle feather quill from a drawer and quickly printed in beautiful French script the same sequence with only one noticeable change. Eyes aflame he presented the parchment to his guest, waiting for his comment. The adjustment was a simple line diagonally cut down the symmetrical centre of the number. 2105/2106. Moody blinked at it blankly, before frowning heavily at his superior.

"Twenty-one five; twenty-one six…you mean in years Potter? But that's almost a hundred years into the future? Even Voldemort will be long gone. What the hell has this got to do…?"

Henry held up one long finger and took back the parchment, frowning at it as though in silently compelling it to give up its answers.

" A date," he murmured, "Yes, it is possible…but is the purpose only to hint at a date you would know, my termagant? Or is it simpler still…" he was silent for a long moment. Without looking up he suddenly said,

"Bring me Burbage's file, » a slight hesitation, "and MJ Potter's."

Moody nodded briskly, slightly put out at being thrown a secretaries job but if his superior was onto a lead...

Ten minutes later, Moody had glowered the archive keepers into handing over the required documents and both men were back in their respective places, either side of the desk. Henry held the deceased aurors file and associated documentation in his elegant fingers, scanning page after page at a speed that in anyone else Moody would have deemed impossible. As it was he simply waited in impatient silence until after barely ten minutes, his superior eventually closed up the folder and placed it neatly to the side. He was frowning slightly but catching Moody's questioning brow he said shortly,

"I was hoping I had perhaps somehow missed a vital piece of information in my original inspection. I had not."

Moody huffed, trying his best to appear outwardly unfazed by the knowledge that his superior knew each and every member of the department's file by heart. Probably most of the other Ministry employee's too. Potter's face was unreadable once more, slipping back into the confines of his stone mask to better ponder the enigma with all his inhuman brain-power.

Conversations after conversations ran through his mind, the memories perfectly catalogued, in vivid detail and clarity. Every word his love had ever spoken was there somewhere; but sifting through each and every one would take months. Habitually patience would be the simplest of his worries, but with Moniqua away, in danger and trying her best to solve the riddle by far riskier means, he wanted the solution _now_.

Think Henry! Numbers…dates…muggles…technology…There had to be something…He closed his eyes and leaned back, handsome profile tilted upwards towards the ceiling as the drawers were unlocked and searched, memory after memory, each in their right place. He sifted through like a search engine, skimming over the conversations and keeping only those where a promising word leapt out at him…so many there were…Henry took another deep breath and drowned himself deeper in the whirling humdrum the past…

* * *

_"What precisely is it?"_

_"_Dis donc _Potter, you know nothing! It is a calculator _evidement_!"_

_"Accept my apologies for my ignorance. Does it in fact have a purpose, one that somehow pertains to me and would therefore explain why you are waving it in my face?"_

_"Tch! It is to calculate big sums! You could perhaps use it to add up your millions and millions."_

_"Your attempt at humour is pitiful Monroe. And I thank you but I believe I possess something better equipped to calculate my financial worth."_

_"Oh, please, do share… what would YOU use to multiply 975 442 by 670 999? "_

_"My brain."_

_"BAH! _Idiot_! _Vas-y! _What makes it…"_

_"654520606600.00"_

_"…"_

_"Well?"_

_"Bah! It..! _Ce n'est pas…! _How you…?"_

_"Good night, Monroe."_

* * *

_**Explosion….**_

_**Silence.**_

_**Smoke. Blind. Chaos. Terror. Cries. Screams. Pain. Panic. **_

_**Fear… where was she…?**_

* * *

_"Potter…Potter!…POTTER!"_

_"Yes! Monroe."_

_"When eez your birthday?"_

_"…I beg your pardon?"_

_"Your BIRTHDAY! _Ton anniversaire! Cuándo es tu cumpleaños? !»

_"Why the question?"_

_"Merde Potter! Answer eet, _c'est tout!"

_"…November first."_

_"Ok! Attend deux minutes…attend...AH! You are a Scorpio!"_

_"A…what?"_

_"A Scorpio! You are outwardly detached and unemotional but _dedans_, you are passionate, independent and persistent!"_

_«….Passionate… ?»_

_"_Mais OUI! _But of an intensity! And you have a sensitive soul and are very jealous. Me I know, your horoscope eet tells me all!"_

_"…Monroe are you a secret alcoholic?"_

_"_Quoi?"

_"Or a drug addict?"_

_"Euh…non."_

_"Then from where do you drag up this utter nonsense?"_

_"But NO! It is true, perfectly true! Look, me I am a Leo, I am ambitious and confident and enthusiastic and dynamic and…"_

_"Modest?"_

_"Hah! But no I am VAIN! Because I am a LEO! _Et TOC!"

_"And your muggle paper informs you of this."_

_"My magazine! And muggles read it, oh every day! To know z'at day it will bring!"_

_"Fascinating."_

* * *

_**"Non! BEN!"**_

_**"MONROE! DON'T BE A FOOL!"**_

_**Crash. Screams. Running. Laughing. Screams**_

_**"LACHE MOI! LACHE! BEN!"**_

_**Monroe falling to her knees. Gasps. Splutters. **_

_**"It's too late!"**_

_**"NON!"**_

_**Too many. Too close. Too stubborn.**_

_**"Avada Ke…"**_

_**"NOOOON!"**_

_**No.**_

_**Two…**_

* * *

_"Did you here the rumours? They're saying Ben managed to bag Moniqua Monroe as his Muggle studies partner! Lucky bastard!"_

_"I'll say. Damn what I wouldn't do for a piece of that. Burbage going to get himself lynched, just for daring to approach her."_

_"Well, I heard that she asked him! Imagine it! Bookish Benny with the school's own international Quidditch star."_

_"Probably doesn't even know what a broom is."_

_"Hah! Maybe she'll explain it to him. Polish the wood a bit…woah Potter. Erm sorry, I wasn't looking where I was going!"_

_"It happens. Though if you could refrain from assaulting my ears with inappropriate insinuations I would be grateful.."_

_Swallow. "Yes sir, I mean fine. Errrm.. Sorry Potter, we were just having a laugh."_

_"Hmmm. The imagery is too nauseating to make a mockery of. But please by all means, continue when I am not by.»_

_"Hah! I'll give you that! She's got more muscles in one arm that in his entire body. Erm, see you round Potter?»_

_"…"_

_"You know he's not that scary up close."_

_"Idiot; the only reason he wasn't scary was because he hates Moniqua more than he looks down on everybody else."_

* * *

_**No!**_

_**No Choice!**_

_**Musn't!**_

_**"…davr…"**_

_**MUST!**_

_**WHITE…**_

* * *

_"POTTER! Where 'ave you put it! Tell me now, you stupid, English barbarian!"_

_"I'm sorry, please accept my belated invitation for you to enter."_

_"_Oh tais toi! _Tell where you 'ave moved it to!"_

_"I fear I have no idea what you are talking about Monroe. Perhaps breathing between your words would make them more lucid."_

_"My BOOK! My novel, z'at I left in plain sight on z'e table! You have displaced it! Tell where now, you fool!"_

_"Did you try looking on the bookshelf?"_

_"No, why…you ARGHH! You 'ad no RIGHT to move it! Stupid, stupid…"_

"…"

"Attend_, it is not there! WHY is it not there?"_

_"…"_

_"…POTTER!»_

_"Monroe. What an unexpected pleasure to see you again…so soon."_

_"Potter stop now z'is foolishness! What 'ave you done with my BOOK?"_

_"I have not touched it."_

_"You 'ave! You 'ave moved it, you said so!"_

_"I believe I said no such thing. I merely pointed out that the logical location for a book was on a bookshelf. _You_ made the assumption that I had removed your book to that place."_

_"ARGHHH! Z'en WHERE Bon Dieu, eezz eet?"_

_"Think back…"_

_"Pardon?"_

_"…this morning at breakfast…"_

_"I 'ave no idea…attend!"_

_"A certain Ravenclaw with two free period and nothing to read…"_

_"Mais OUI! I leant to Ben!"_

_"You leant it Ben Burbage."_

_"OUIIII! I remember, Ahhh , but of the relief, attend…!"_

_"You're welcome, Monroe."_

_"WHY did you not tell me at z'e beginning! _Enculé!"

* * *

_**Earthquake. Crumbling. Screams.**_

_**Devastation.**_

_**Round black eyes. Half-closed slits of blue. Shock. Terror. Disbelief.**_

_**But Alive….**_

_**Alive…**_

* * *

_"You're reading another of those magazines."_

_"_Oui_."_

_"…You are I suppose aware that it is a load of complete and utter rubbish to induce unsuspecting muggles to waste their money on the pathetic hope that some supernatural phenomenon can be blamed for their own shortcomings.."_

_"_Oui oui_."_

_"And yet you still read it."_

_"Hmmm…oui."_

_"Monroe you are twenty-one years old."_

_"And?"_

_"Do you not think it time admit that the idea of a date of birth seriously influencing a man's nature and fate is impossible."_

_"Non, I think you are simply being a Scorpio, Enriqué. Suspicious and wishing to control all. You do not like the idea of fate or chance."_

_"Only you could actually fall for such nonsense."_

_"No, Ben reads his horoscope every day, _et TOC!"

* * *

Henry's eyes flashed open so fast that Moody almost flinched. There was a fanatical flame in those piercing irises, as one word thumped in his brain, in time to his quickening heartbeat. He rapped out harshly,

"Get me the first muggle female Magazine you can find and bring it back here."

"Muggle…female…"

"Alastor!"

Moody growled ominously but wasn't foolish enough to comment. He turned on his heel an limped out of the office as fast as possible, thanking MJ silently for her firm stand on equal rights and hoping devoutly that one of those grateful muggleborns girls would have to hand one of the "Magazines" his superior was for some reason in dire need of.

Ten minutes later, Katie Spencer was goggling up at him open-mouthed and Alastor Moody was mentally consigning his boss to the devil. The week's edition of "Vogue" was handed over with wide-eye curiosity and a wider smile that the auror returned with a murderous glare. Swearing to high heaven under his breath, he snatched the thing from her grip and swung round to make his limping way back to Potter's office.

The second his back was turned, the entire group of secretaries burst into hysterical giggles. Alastor grit his teeth and marched away furiously.

He'd never live this down.

* * *

Night was falling, the sort of light autumn nights that heralded a cold winter. The sky was a stormy grey, empty of stars and the thick mantle of clouds were pushed and shoved across the heavens by the plainly audible gales outside. The wind howled and whined like a bitter housewife, the window frame creaked in protest, tiny squeals slipped through the ancient stones and faintly ruffled important papers that sat awaiting the Headmasters attention.

Albus Dumbledore was sitting behind his desk, his aging brow clear and peaceful as he re-read a letter addressed to the Head of the Auror Department, pausing every now and then to dip his fine eagle feather quill into the nearby inkwell and correct some trifling fault. Fawkes hummed quietly to himself on his golden perch. Magical instruments chinked and tinkled every now and then when a particularly forceful gust teased its way triumphantly around the mortar and the wards into the study. But otherwise the room was silent and serene as the Headmaster himself.

Until that same serenity was interrupted by a deafening CRACK!

The phoenix squawked in protest, spreading his glorious wings and flapping them as though to repel the loud complaints and laughter of the intruders. The dust cleared to reveal the culprits, two of which, a tall handsome youth and a very small very irate house-elf, were still arguing volubly while the third intruder, a pretty redhead, fought hard to keep her face solemn. Needless to say, it was the redoubtable elf who was clearly winning the verbal battle.

The Headmaster himself looked up from the various papers on his desk and bestowed a complacent smile upon the threesome, leaning back in his chair and pressing his fingertips together thoughtfully.

"Ah Mr Potter, Miss Evans, Thank You, Flipsy for returning my students to me."

The now aging house-elf shot the male of the two students she had delivered, a dire glare and squeaked furiously,

" We is sorry sir for the lateness!" she apologised, before throwing another glowering look towards the guilty party, "Master Jamie is a BAD boy, Professor Dumbledore Sir! He is DELIBERATELY missing Master's portkey! He is to be punished!"

The Headmaster's blue eyes were twinkling with merriment as he turned to gaze calmly at Master Jamie, who was now rumpling his shock of black hair with a sheepish hand.

"It wasn't actually what I would call deliberate, Professor." James in turn threw a pointed glare at the pretty red-head by his side who was desperately holding back giggles.

"Ah."

"Master Jamie, you is locking yourself in your bathroom!"

Lily bit hard on her lower lip in an effort to keep her face straight.

"I was…having a shower." James said with heavy irony, raising a brow at the love of his life who simply smiled back innocently.

"And leaving your guest unattended! What your mother would say?"

James Potter, famous womanizer, jock and all-round man's-man, blanched, swallowed and turned a pleading gaze upon his once nanny.

"Mrs Flipsy, you wouldn't!"

The elf waggled a bony finger at him.

"Flipsy wouldst, she wouldst! Oh Yes!"

Professor Dumbledore decided that, highly amusing as this discussion was showing signs of being, it was perhaps best if it be saved for another moment. With a beaming smile he stood and said with great courtesy,

"It was nevertheless kind of you to bring them back safely, Flipsy. Alas, we must comfort ourselves with the knowledge that Mr Potter is rarely unpunctual without good reason. I would assume that if he considered this shower of such importance as to risk missing the return Portkey, it no doubt was."

He bestowed upon the two Head Students a benevolent smile that was still far too knowing for either of their likings. Lily's cheeks tinged red and her small fingers twisted the hem of her jumper. James stubbornly held the Headmaster's gaze, a sheepish grin tugging of his mouth that grew bigger as Dumbledore's eyes twinkled merrily.

Mrs Flipsy gave a loud snort to show she was less that convinced of these qualities her charge apparently possessed but she bowed to Professor Dumbledore with tremendous respect, so low that her wrinkled old nose almost brushed the carpet.

"Flipsy is happy to have been of service, Professor Dumbledore, Sir. T'is an honour to serve such great wizards!"

James' famous smirk slipped out wickedly.

"Arghhh Mrs Flipsy, spare my blushes!"

A piece of cheek that earned him a sharp clap round the only part of her master she could reach; his knee. Ouch! The little elf still had a mean left hook, thought James as his legs buckled beneath him. Mrs Flipsy waggled once more her most dangerous weapon in his crouching face; her right-index finger.

"Master Jamie is sure he is wanting to be cheeky…?"

It was an ominous question and James' eyes widened into an expression of pure terror. Thick black spun as he shook his head so furiously it was at risk of flying off. The fiery little elf nodded with deep satisfaction and turned back to bow once more to the smiling Headmaster.

"Flipsy then leaves the young Master in Professor Dumbledore's care. "

Dumbledore bowed his head gracious and said with a twinkle in his eye,

"Ah Mrs Flipsy, I suppose I could not persuade to offer your services as a teacher here?"

Flipsy laughed, flapping her bat-like ears and snorting at James' sudden expression of panic, but declined not unsurprisingly with a determined shake of her wrinkled head. She bowed once more first to the Headmaster, then to Lily and finally threw an indulgent glance at the youth who was now looking nothing short of heartbroken to see her go. The old elf sniffed disparagingly and tutted. Then she sent her former charge one last proud smile and disappeared with a loud CRACK!

The moment she was gone both Head Students turned matching penitent expressions towards the elderly Professor.

"I really do apologise sir," James stepped forward immediately, "Mrs Flipsy was right; it WAS my fault. You put your trust in me and I abused it."

Dumbledore surveyed him with a look of amusement.

"My dear boy, it is I who must apologise," those bright blue eyes twinkled, "I admit that I was not expecting you for another hour at least."

James blinked and then looked somewhat outraged as the meaning of his Headmaster's gently smiling words sunk in, but Lily leapt into the breach offered my his momentary silence to say quickly,

"And it WASN'T only his fault Professor." she interjected, "If anything it was mine. I was the one who lost track of time, it was such a beautiful place."

Dumbledore held up his hand with a beaming smile,

"Please Miss Evans, I assume the day was a success?"

Both students nodded their heads vigorously and Dumbledore continued,

"Then we shall think no more of it. I am delighted for the pair of you. That you enjoyed your day out, of course.»

Again there was a gleam in the old man's eyes that sent a quick blush flooding to Lily's cheeks. A knowing look that indicated he was not referring merely to their enjoying themselves. She sneaked a glance at James under her lashes and was annoyed to see him smirking cockily at the Headmaster, blatantly encouraging the man's train of thought. Dumbledore caught her flash of indignation and chuckled, waving his thin hand towards the door.

"I believe the Feast is just about to start. You timed your arrival quite neatly." he said, still smiling from one to the other behind his half-moon glasses. "I imagine your respective friends will be waiting impatiently for your day's account. As soon as this letter is sent, I will see you there shortly."

The pair nodded and turned to leave but just a he reached the threshold, James looked back over his shoulder, a curiously serious expression on his lightly-stubbled features.

"Sir," he hesitated before setting his jaw firmly, "Is he…back?"

No need to ask of whom he spoke, the hard, almost dangerous look in those hazel eyes indicated all too clearly how important the answer was to him, almost as important as the subject of the discussion. Dumbledore sighed and leaned back in his chair, suddenly looking as though he had aged a good many years in that single instant.

"He is." he replied quietly. There was no twinkle in the elderly man's gaze, only the piercing edge that seemed to cut right to the very soul. The boy standing in the doorway waited with obvious impatience. Albus Dumbledore frowned lightly and continued.

"He said nothing of what passed between them. But I believe…yes, I believe she sent him back."

James' face was very pale, his lips pressed tightly together and his gaze pinned even Albus Dumbledore to the floor.

"She refused to see him?"

"She saw him, St Mungo's sent word of it. But I do not think…she will see him again."

James nodded dumbly, staring into nothing as his entire being filled up with only one coherent thought; his brother. His face was a mask and he bowed automatically, instinctively polite from years of pureblood upbringing but in reality, already far away. Without another word he turned on his heel and exited the room leaving his aging Headmaster to sigh and to stare pensively into the space he had just vacated, alone with what could not be very pleasant thoughts.

* * *

Lily was waiting for him at the bottom of the stairs, talking cheekily with the stupid lump of stone that had the bloody _nerve_ to keep on winking at her even as he descended the last step. She had looked up as soon as his legs had come into sight, an anxious look on her pretty face that had him immediately smoothing the coldness from his own. With only a little effort he conjured up his trademark smirk, allowing it to pull up his lips with sinful slowness and a look in his eye that spoke all to plainly of the real reason behind their lateness. He swaggered nonchalantly to her side, throwing a smug grin at the pouting gargoyle and tugged at one crimson bang teasingly,

"Lost track of time, huh?"

His love's cheeks flushed but she replied with great dignity,

"At least I didn't stand there SMIRKING like an idiot. Did you WANT to give him ideas?"

"No offence Lils, but I think he might have had them already."

"You didn't have to CONFIRM them!"

"If anything CONFIRMED them Lils, it was these," he chuckled, tapping her pink cheeks and raising one black brow pointedly.

Lily scoffed and pulled away, tilting her nose up in the air and folding her arms over her chest. Her sniff echoed over her shoulder as she spun on her heel and marched away with a deliberately playful flounce. James allowed himself a moment to admire the rolling effect this had on her hips before cheerfully making his way after her, his smirk still wide and utterly shameless.

They made their way down to the Great Hall in comfortable silence, she still keeping up the pretence of being virtuously affronted, he simply enjoying her teasing and still a little distracted. Sirius' face kept flashing through his mind, each time upping his pace unconsciously but even when she was practically having to skip to keep up with him, the red-head at his side made no comment. If her gaze slid to his profile every now and again, his eyes and thoughts were obviously else where, his handsome head proudly lifted and staring straight ahead. Lily watched discreetly as his jaw clenched and released sporadically, the rest of his face carefully controlled. The suits of armour flashed by, the portraits on the walls sighing and shaking their heads knowingly across the corridors at the way the pair walked just a little bit too close for friendship.

The noise of five hundred students enjoying a hearty feast snapped James out of his thoughts with a daze. Lily grinned at his momentary startled expression; like a deer caught in headlights; he rolled his eyes to the heavens and pushed her through the massive doors, fighting back the answering smirk.

For a moment, the world continued to turn. Students munched and chatted and laughed and munched some more all far too occupied to notice the two latecomers pausing in the entrance. Then the heads began to turn, only a few at first, those who had finished their meals or were waiting for their own absentees, followed by those on either side, opposite and down the table until whispers ran back and forth as swiftly as thoughts, low murmurs of curiosity and confusion.

James sighed and slowly removed his hand from the position it had lingered in on his love's back. A quick glance at her proved his theory right; she was frozen where she stood, the laughter half-escaped from her lips so that it seemed to hover there, uncertain. Then her red bangs gleamed as she shook her head briskly. Those huge green eyes flashed to his, her chin set and determined and held fiercely high.

In that moment, he'd never loved her more.

* * *

"Remind me again, what you're doing here?"

Jenny jumped, startled out of her reverie and immediately sought to cover up the confusion. A peal of laughter gurgled on her lips, long lashes swept her cheeks appealingly but the boy opposite knew her far too well to miss the wary look in her eyes before her lids hid the flash of emotion away. She feigned a shocked pout.

"Are you…IMPLYING that you do not WANT me here? Clag! I'm hurt!"

Jamie quirked his slow grin but said nothing, waiting for her to leave her tricks and her airs aside.

She blinked at him like a lost child, her full lower lip trembling heartbreakingly, so that across the table Tony, Neil and Max all turned to send reproachful glares at the Gryffindor Keeper. Only Karl refrained, glancing instead down to the Marauder Space before returning his attention fully to the English roast that was currently smelling like pure heaven.

Jamie snorted at the two fifth years, dazzled and struck-dumb as they were. He leaned back in his seat and folded his muscular arms across his chest, head tilted to the side in a pointed look. Jenny eyed him darkly for a few moments. Then suddenly, in one of those lightening fast changes of humour of hers, sighed and allowed her gaze to sweep back to the other end of the table, towards the Marauder Space and its three new occupants.

It was a huge development. The entire school was already buzzing with curiosity but the three boys and three girls seemed completely oblivious to the stir they were creating. Jenny half-smiled. It was so JAMES. So…The Marauders, to care not one cent for the world and their opinions. Her cousin was practically radiant in triumph, sexier than ever with his brilliant grin and rich, wicked conversation.

She was pleased for him, that went without saying. Just like she was over the moon for Lily. They deserved to be happy, the pair of them. But watching the seven of them laughing and joking like the best of mates, she couldn't quite repress the tiny stab of longing.

They'd invited her of course. OBVIOUSLY. Repeatedly and vehemently for over ten minutes before finally letting it go. Lilly had begged and pleaded and Emily had simply INFORMED her that refusal was not an option, but nothing they said could convince her. She'd tossed her curls and gurgled with affectionate laughter before throwing her arms around Clag's neck and declaring passionately that she had to protect him from his latest cast-off. The poor girl was determined to seduce him back to her bed, completely ignoring the fact that everyone knew Saturday nights were HER nights!

Alice had shook her head and Emily and Lily had grinned appreciatively at their friend's antics. They eventually shrugged and accepted that she wouldn't have dinner with the group, leaving her, as Emily had winked, in the boy's capable hands. Jamie had twisted his lips into that sexy smirk of his but Jenny had known how much of an act it really was. Her truest friend would never let her down but neither would he allow her to get away without an explanation. They both knew his latest fuck-buddy had moved on quite happily to one of the Ravenclaw beaters.

So here they were, at an impasse, with Clag waiting expectantly for her to spill the beans and Jenny doing her best to find something to tell that wasn't the truth but without it being a lie. They never lied to each other. Ever.

As if he'd read her mind, Jamie suddenly leaned his huge bulk towards her, his expression unusually serious.

"You've been looking up their end every five minutes since the Feast started." he said simply. Jenny winced, her eyes darting to the other guys but none of them were listening.

"I'm checking my babies are alright!" she shot back with an easy smirk, "All alone with the school Casanovas and no one around to protect their virtues!"

It dragged a grin from him.

"You? Protecting THEIR virtues?"

She lifted a brow and smiled sweetly.

"Why ever not? I am the STRICTEST of chaperones!"

Jamie broke into deep chuckles and Jenny beamed impishly at him, the slightly wild look in her eye suddenly softened.

"I do love you, Clag!" she said impulsively, "You do know that, don't you."

There may or may not have been a moment's hesitation, just a heartbeat of surprise. Then Jamie turned to the girl next to his with that slow smile of his.

"Sure I do." his eyes at the corners crinkled appealingly and his grin widened, "I also know you're too damned good at distractions, so come on; out with it. Why don't you want to sit with the Marauders."

Immediately the guarded look came back into Jenny's face. She tossed her curls petulantly and lifted her nose into the air. Then she sighed and all at once, her pointed face seemed very very tired, weary even, her lips twisting into something between bitterness and acceptance.

"It's…complicated. ARGH!" she interrupted herself in frustration. "I swore I'd never say such a cliché! Me! Jenny Dreamer!"

A few brown curls flew upwards as she blew the air from her mouth in a huff and her long-time best friend reached up to tug one playfully.

"Terrible," he agreed, shaking his head sadly, "How do I say this Jen?…I don't think we can hang out any more…"

Her mouth fell open. Then, barely a second later the twinkle in his eye registered and she squealed in both laughter and reproach.

"EVIL! How dare you scare me so! You git, it would serve you right if I took you seriously." she suddenly shot him a swift glinting look from under her lashes, "How long do you think we'd last? I know I'D be fighting the urge to come back begging within a week…"

Her hand trailed along his thigh. A spark of lust ignited in the Jamie's eyes and again that slow smile curved his lips upwards, only now with sinful tilt.

"Would you now…?"

Suddenly he let out a snort.

"Nice try Jen. But you can stroke my ego or anything else you like for that matter," he flashed a swift grin, " You're not getting out of this so easily."

"Jamie McLaggen you are positively…!»

"Pig-headed, I know." he winked, "Lucky I'm good in bed huh."

"Tch!"

Jenny turned away with a flounce and her best friend shook his head in amusement. He snuck his arm around her waist, pulling her into his body despite her rigid stance and chuckled into her curls.

"Come to the dorm tonight Jen," his sigh tickled her ear and melted her resistance like snow in the hot sun. Not that she had really been sulking. Only trying desperately to stop the patiently relentless interrogation. Impulsively she brought up her small hands to grip the broad muscle of his arm, clutching it tightly and shutting her eyes against reality

She felt him stir when she didn't answer, knew he was hurt, surprised, knew he had noticed the oddness of her behaviour. Jenny Dreamer was not clingy. Merlin forbid; she shied away from anything vaguely resembling commitment like a child from a stranger. She loved the games and delights of love, never more so than with the only boy she really thought of as her "lover". But she could feel those hateful blue-green eyes watching her, stripping her from across the mayhem. She would pay for today's folly, for her stupid impertinence. The dark promise burned her face from the other side of the room, a twisted smile, a vicious gleam. Jenny was waiting for the blow to fall and even knowing that her display of affection would only provoke her tormenter more, she couldn't help but cling to Jamie's strength just a little while longer.

Her dear friend felt her silent shivers and said not a word. The frown creased his smooth brow and stung somewhere in his chest but far more overwhelming was the need to hold her, to give her this small comfort she usually refused so scornfully. Jamie clasped her tighter for a moment and then moved carefully back until only one hand still rested possessively on her knee.

Their friend's called them back to the present, the conversation swelling out effortlessly to include them in the laughter and the ribald jokes. Jenny Dreamer glowed with a fire beyond even her normal radiance, witty and bright and all but imploding with vivacity. The crowd around the group grew steadily, with people leaning closer to hear that merry peal of laughter and feel their own grins answer instinctively. The Queen of Flirtation held her court and her faithful knight watched and wondered what she was waiting for with such terror behind the mask.

It appeared just as the desserts were filling the magical gold plates. One moment; nothing, the next it was there, silent and unobtrusive by the tip of her knife. If anyone noticed her fingers spasm, or the swiftest convulsion in her throat, both were gone so quickly they couldn't really swear to either.

With her brightest smile she clapped her hands and squealed with laughter at Tony's ribbing his younger brother. When she drew them back to settle easily on her lap, the small black paper bird was no longer there.

* * *

They came and came for what seemed like hours, until she gave up trying to count them.

She stood there motionless, wandless and wordless, her arms pinned by the same two huge thugs that had dragged her out of the Cackling Crook on their Lord's orders, and aparated with her to this lonely moor. Straight-backed despite the pain, expressionless despite the fear that crept hatefully up her spine to tingle in her numb fingers, those dark eyes never wavered from her enemy.

Still they came, more and more of them in the half-light of the three quarter moon. Dark figures apparating in a swirl of hooded cloaks and white masks. So many, her heart clenched.

A few moved forward to the front of the circle. Most hung back, content to create a black, murmuring sea around the small island of silver grass where she stood, flanked by the black towering figures of her guards.

Two huge hands grasped her arms painfully tight, two more holding wands to her neck and heart. If she moved she was dead. Even wandless magic could not help her. The panic rose in her chest, she threw it aside contemptuously: she would not let him see it; and with a burst of defiance, forced her lips to twist upwards into the smirk she had made famous.

Riddle stood, poised and very much at ease on the opposite side of the circle. Despite herself she felt a certain morbid curiosity. It had been over fifteen long years since she'd last seen him face to face and she took in his appearance with a sort of horrified fascination. God, what had the years done to him?

The face even she had once acknowledged to be nothing short of beautiful was now a white, faintly glowing mask. The red-tinge to his eyes that had all those years ago confused her, now had taken over completely. Rimmed in scarlet, those black pupils sparkled as malevolently as ever, the mocking smile lilting on thin bloodless lips.

Moniqua shuddered; what had he done to warp himself so? What forbidden magic had taken his beauty and melted it like putty. He stepped forward, tall and still graceful, with his black robes pooling around his thin frame. His expression was calm, serene, almost pleasant, but the aura around him told the truth; she could feel the hatred oozing from him even at this distance. Hatred for her, the promised loathing that had never faded and would never be allowed to rest.

For a moment, a brief moment they were once more in the Potter library, fencing both of them behind fake smiles and subtle jibes; MJ smirked wide and wicked, and just as it had then, irritation flickered in those snake-like orbs. It was foolish, reckless, still she couldn't help but look him in the eye and crow, hoping he saw, hoping it drove him mad.

No, _attend deux seconds, _he'd already accomplished that himself.

The laugh crept up her throat, she let it loose and the rich, husky sound floated over the deserted wild land he had brought her to to die.

It seem to stun the assembled death-eaters. Then enrage them as her effrontery sunk in. Low, threatening murmurs hummed and buzzed like a hive of angry bees. So many of them, there were now; at least fifty and still more came. Ignoring the sting of the wands, she tossed back her thick black hair, flipping it over her shoulder, lifted her chin and waited.

Everything seemed so much more defined; was it because death truly was just round the corner? Was it the end? Her dark eyes flitted once more over the mass bodies, calculating, measuring, planning. It was a tide of enemies, impossible to beat and impossible to escape. But he didn't know all, and while that still was true hope was not extinct. She still had weapons up her sleeve, other than the silver mounted gun he was twisting lightly in his long white fingers. Following her gaze Riddle smiled and stepped again towards her.

"Who would have thought you would cherish my poor gifts so carefully."

Soft, mocking. MJ allowed her eyes to roll back in her head, knowing he would recognise the action. He did; those oddly flat nostrils nevertheless flared in dislike and again the smirk gleamed of it's own accord.

"I hoped one day to return it in kind." she forced her voice to remain light, almost friendly. It would irritate him all the more and if die she must she would do it as infuriatingly as possible.

Those long white digits caressed the metal as one might a lover. Pah! As if the man was capable of such a thing. She hated seeing it in his hands. It had served her well over the years, and time had all but dulled the memory that it had been intended as an insult, indeed the greatest insult one could bestow upon a pure-blood bride. Seeing him touch it made her feel ill, her stomaching turning with disgust and anger and the deadliest poison of all;

Fear.

Lord Voldemort tasted it on the air and again those pale, bloodless smiled curved upwards. He suddenly raised his voice and called out to the throng that surrounded them,

"See, my Deatheaters! Loyal friends! The one who has thwarted me; the hope of the entire Ministry; here she is…at…my…_mercy!"_

The whispers grew louder, hushed mutterings of "Yes, my Lord." Riddle gazed about them all, his expression faintly mocking before turning silently back to his captured foe. Those blood-red eyes watched her every breath, every flickering glance. Then he flicked his wand and said lazily,

"Crucio."

Agony… Ripping, tearing, agony reaching through her skin and slicing her insides into pieces. Moniqua's clenched her teeth so hard they drew blood, the taste bitter in her mouth. Her body convulsed, side to side as she desperately held in the screams and the torture went on and on f or what seemed like forever…

Riddle lifted his curse and she collapsed, limp and unresponsive with only her captors arms holding her semi-upright.

"You have been a worthy adversary, oh yes I admit that. But tonight you have lost Moniqua Monroe." scarlet eyes gleamed with triumph and hate. "One way or the other, tonight you will finally give me what I have wanted for so long."

Moniqua shakily raised her head and forced out an incredulous laugh.

"You may…kill me with my goodwill…Riddle," her lids were heavy but her gaze was full of scorn, "You will have signed …your own death…warrant. »

The Deatheaters growled menacingly. MJ ignored them, all her strength, all her determination fully occupied in trying to keep the grin set tauntingly on her lips.

"Do you believe you finally are powerful enough to defeat it?" she gasped.

A few of the masked and cloaked figures shuffled and jerked forward as though in outrage. Voldemort held up his hand and they fell instantly silent. Not for a second did his gaze leave her face.

"Perhaps. But I shall not have to."

Again MJ's laugh ripped the silence like a scornful blade.

"When will you give up Riddle? Henry will never be yours. _JAMAIS, pas dans cette vie!_ That ship it has sailed! _Il y a bien longtemps, oh que oui!"_

Voldemort smiled silkily and aimed his wand once more, the "Crucio" as soft as a caress.

This time Moniqua couldn't hold back the screams. The seconds passed, her agony disappearing into the warm night air, echoing eerily on the back of the gentle breeze. Her auditors seemed to enjoy it. It was almost five minutes later that Voldemort finally ended it, with another bored flick. Moniqua slumped only half-conscious and Riddle courteously allowed her a few moments to somewhat regain her wits.

"Perhaps you underestimate my methods of…persuasion, my dear Moniqua." he said with an apologetic smile.

Moniqua looked up at him, her gaze unfocused. Every movement was an effort, the lingering aches seeping through every muscle. Her enemy stood tall and straight before her; hatred steadied her shaking knee and blurry vision. With a supreme effort of will she made her lip curl into an expression of pitying distain.

"Torturing me…will not work." she wheezed slowly, wincing at the fresh stab of pain each breath triggered.

Voldemort looked amused.

"You think so?", he said thoughtfully, "Now I, I would imagine otherwise.»

He reached out and she hated herself for flinching. Almost lovingly he pressed the tip of his wand to the smooth plane of her cheek. It stung, smoking against the skin and Moniqua drew air in through her teeth in a hiss. Little scarlet lights gleamed in Voldemort's eyes. His expression of triumph was almost bestial, a fierce, burning insanity that seemed to glow red from within. Those white, abnormally long fingers pressed the wand a little deeper, his lips drawn back from his teeth in a grimace of feverous enjoyment.

Then, quick as a flash he slashed it across her cheek. Moniqua gasped, as the force snapped her head to the side. A spray of blood splattered against the black robes of the Deatheater at her right arm, bright as a bouquet of roses. It came back again, this time on the other cheek, and again ruby droplets sprayed in the gentle moonlight to seep into brown stains on those billowing cloaks.

Moniqua's head was spinning. The wounds were deep and rivets of blood ran down her face like scarlet tears, some dripped into her mouth; she spat in out defiantly; the rest pooled at her chin and fell silently to the grass. Voldemort watched her for a moment and then snapped his fingers. Immediately Moniqua felt the two deatheaters force her brutally to her knees.

"You made him weak, Moniqua. You introduced him to "love" and now that same "love" will doom him." MJ flinched away from his disgusting touch, furious hatred baring her teeth and chilling her soul. "Henry will come back to me, will serve me unfailingly…in return for your life. And with him by my side, this world is mine."

"He won't do it." she forced the words out through her teeth, by it was a weak protest and they both knew it. Voldemort smiled a wolfish grin.

"Oh, I think he will. And even if he does not, if he is truly willing to sacrifice his heart for "The Greater Good", then no matter, even in death you will serve my purposes."

She tried to understand him but her brain was a blurry haze. The words floated around her consciousness aimlessly, senselessly. She peered up at her captor and his tall thin figure seemed to shimmer like a desert mirage. Only his smile remained clear, the lips stretched wide and white around the black crescent. It was coming nearer. She could feel the sickly sweetness of his breath on her face.

"You see, I now…know… HOW."

No colour but those spots of red.

"Such an ingenious spell, and of course so selfless. And so simple So brilliant."

Cold. Not outside but in. Stealing up her spine. The spell. He mustn't know… he can't have…

"Such madness, such foolishness to sacrifice so much."

A face in her mind. Young. Beautiful.

"To willingly sign away their own life…"

Eyes. Her favourite eyes in the world. Autumn golds and browns and a few last traces of summer green. Something in her chest swelled and ached with a enormous rush of love. Her most precious being, her heart. Grinning at her, winking, smirking, his head an ebony haystack, his skin a rich sun-kissed gold.

"…For their son."

An icy touch ran down her cheek. She flinched away in horror, as sense forced its way back. Terror for her child suddenly ignited in her brain and took off like an Australian wildfire. She was lucid. Alive. And terrified to see the truth, the triumph on his face.

Sure enough, his smile was almost peaceful, serene. Victorious.

"How I long to see him finally. The son of Henry Potter! And of course yourself…", he added as though fearful of offending her, "What a marvel he must be! What an asset ! After so many years of imagining it a lost cause."

Voldemort strode restfully a few paces and then turned back, his long fingers twitching as through unable to keep them still in his excitement. He marched closer once more, that strange, inhuman eagerness transforming his mask of a face, blurring it into something even more unsettling, even more frightening.

"Seventeen years. Unable hold neither his image nor his name in my mind. Unable to hold onto his very existence. He is a mystery to me. No matter the images I look at or the details my followers faithfully report, they do not linger for more than minute. A piece of magic I would have never imagined anyone to perform let alone create, save perhaps that muggle-loving fool or my old friend."

There was a curious mixture of wonder and hatred in those scarlet eyes as he sneered suddenly down at her. The complacent expression disappeared, his teeth bared and when he lent close he all but snarled at her.

"I was so sure! No one else could have such power! And who but you could have bewitched him into such madness! So much genius, all slipping steadily into oblivion!"

The wand flashed. The pain took her by surprise. Moniqua had been so focused on that soft, silken monologue that she barely saw the curse until she was already writhing on the grass, screams pouring from her mouth like the blood that still oozed from the cuts on her skin.

Minutes passed. Minutes of agony, of delirium, of despair until suddenly the knives vanished once more and again Moniqua forced her head to rise, forced herself to meet that cold, mocking gaze and not give in to the blackness. He curled his lip at her contemptuously.

"But no. I, Lord Voldemort, was fooled." a murmur ran through the silent sea of cloaks but Voldemort held a pale hand to still them.

"Yes, I admit it. I overlooked my enemy. So many years wasted, pondering and plotting how to counter this masterstroke. For Lord Voldemort was trapped, snared. So badly did I want the boy, yet to have him I must destroy the one thing I desired more. I made my choice. I would not gamble on the child when the father was already known, already…perfect. I let the matter rest."

Voldemort sighed, staring into nothing with an almost nostalgic expression.

"I was content to wait, to ignore. The boy was a child. I could afford to allow him a few years of life. There was so much to be done, battles to be fought, victories to be won. I had all but forgotten my enemy's spawn. Until…"

"Fate dealt me the most unexpected hand." he breathed out softly, reverently, those snake-like lids sliding shut and lifting to the sky as though in prayer. "Ahhh…imagine my astonishment. Could it truly be possible? After so many decades of yearning…"

He spun, so that the black robes flew out like great raven wings before slowly pooling to the ground once more around that thin, ghostly white figure. Voldemort eyes glowed, two pits of boiling lava. The slit-like nostrils flared in vicious triumph, in hatred, in madness. His entire body seemed to tremble. This was it; the climax her enemy, with his love of dramatics, had been working up too for the past thirty minutes. Moniqua stared up at him in silent dread and finally, his long crawling fingers moved, vanished into black folds and then reappeared once more, no longer empty.

The silent whimper caught in her throat before it could escape.

That silky smile showed every vampirish tooth.

The wand clasped in those pale, quivering fingers sat silent and twisted in the moonlight.

"No…" Moniqua breathed the words through the pain, "It can't…"

"It can. It is." Voldemort's expression was gleeful, his bloodless lips parted in sick excitement.

"It's a fake." she murmured, "They were…destroyed…all of them."

"So we all thought. Imagine my incredulity when my spy came to me with the news. Of a wand, locked away deep in the Ministry where men no longer walk. A wand seemingly made of two halves, joined and the base and twisted into one pure magic. A wand I knew so so well…"

He came closer, turning the black thing in before her horrified gaze, showing off his prize to her. But she did not need to look; every detail was engraved into her memory. She knew its every curve, every undulating arc. Its camber was as familiar to her as the smooth clean lines of her own ebony wand that lay discarded in Kenny Crooks greasy bar. Only the chaotic squiggles that ran and trailed like dark brown rivers against the lighter tone, were not quite the same. In every other way it was identical. Right down to the very core that made this wand, along with its four brothers, the most unique, secret and magical core in existence.

Two vocal cords from the neck of the Lernean Hydra.

Such magic could only be contained by a substance equally as powerful and the wood was Olive, though not just from any tree. Moniqua remembered the story; could hear his cold clipped voice as he reluctantly recited it to her, all those years ago.

The same legendary expedition to Greece that had unearthed the remains of the legendary beast had also visited the sacred grove of the Acropolis, hidden magically from the prying and destructive muggles for millennia, and had taken from there a branch of the very tree gifted by Athena to the people of Athens in return for the Allegiance of their fair city. Both wood and corpse had been taken to England and preserved by the most advances magical methods of the time, held in secret in the department of mysteries until the mysteries of the ancient texts that had first intrigued the wizards of the day, could be completely unlocked.

It was these texts that had sent the team to Greece in the first place They had told of a mysterious wand used by the High priest that channelled the unique nature of the Hydra to create a magic thought impossible. A single wand that split into two. Two wands wielded simultaneously by one man.

It had been many century before the Ministry had finally managed to replicate the Hydra wand, deep in the Department of Mysteries, known only to the most powerful and important members of the Ministry. It was expected to be the beginning of a new age, a new level of power beyond all realms of imagination. In the strictest of confidence, under the supervision of the Head of the department of the Time, Charlus Leonin Potter, did the Unspeakables fabricate five examples with the materials they had. Five wands that if used correctly, could each one split into two identical twins.

It was a turning point in the History of Magic.

The Ministry had waited with baited breath as the five men had stepped up and attempted to wield them. Of the five, four could awaken no response from the silent shafts. As for the fifth, the only one with the power to split his wand, he had not the mental strength required. In a burst of white light, he'd collapsed and when awakened, all that was left was a babbling half-wit. A madman. A lunatic.

Officially that was the end of the matter. But the Ministry were not so ready to give up their dreams of such formidable power. It was hypothesized that the five men had already been claimed by their own wands. Perhaps the hydra wands chose themselves the wizard. So it was, that in the deepest secrecy, Pureblood families offered either sons or daughters up to the Ministry in the hope that their offspring would have the supreme honour of being the first to wield the Hydra wand. A neat one hundred eleven and ten year old were tested and of those, only six had the power. Four died. One was so broken entirely; she was whisked away and was not heard from again. The last, a female of the eldest and richest Wizarding line, sustained only minor effects. She was summarily mind-wiped and continued her life without due incident.

But the risk was finally deemed too high. The practice was prohibited. The events expunged from record. The Ministry ordered the wands to be destroyed and the texts detailing the method of fabrication, burnt along with them.

Moniqua squeezed her lids closed, but when she opened them the wand was still there, silent and inconspicuous. Such a small thing to hold so much power. To be so incredibly destructive in the right hand.

She raised her head and looked her enemy in the eye.

"Then for what do you wait Riddle? You posses that which you have coveted for so long. What need have you now of Henry."

A flicker of irritation crossed his appalling excuse for a face. He frowned before forcing the cold smile back to his lips. It came out wrong; a ghastly grimace.

"I am content with the wand I posses." he replied coolly, "But this then posed a conundrum. Who should wield the second Hydra wand? For who else but myself and Henry could truly harness such unthinkable power?"

Moniqua felt the cold touch of dread slide down her spine.

"_Non_..." she whispered, but the widening of that horrible leer spoke the truth.

"And then, like a thief in the night it came to me. Who else but Henry's son.?"

MJ lunged at him but the too deatheaters gripping her arms wrenched her painfully back. She glared up at him with hatred, teeth bared as she hissed and writhed like a wildcat, trying to scratch and bite her captors, spitting at her enemy when he came to stand directly before her, looking down at her struggle with obvious pleasure.

"You see, my dear I cannot lose. If Henry betrays the Ministry in return for your life, I shall have what I desired in the first place. If he does not; if he sacrifices your life, then he as good as hands me his son. A second wielder. A second chance at what I seek."

"_BATARD! Que te jodan GILIPOLLAS! Touche-le et je te…!"_

"Language… Dumbledore would not approve at such vulgarity. "

In answer she lifted her head and spat at him. Voldemort tutted and shook his head sadly. Then his expression turned cold, all mockery vanishing in a single instant. He looked at the deatheater to Moniqua's right and nodded slowly. At his master's command the man's already powerful grip tightened. He brought his other spade-like hand to grab her wrist and forced it painfully upwards as though obvious of her efforts to pull free.

Voldemort gazed down at her outstretched hand thoughtfully and ran a long finger down his chin. His glowing red eyes fixed on the third finger and the gleam of dislike became even more pronounced. Moniqua glared up at him, splaying her fingers wide so that the heavy gold ring, encrusted with diamonds and rubies and emblazoned for all to see with the single letter "P", shone proudly and defiantly in the semi darkness.

Voldemort eyed it impassively. Only the slight curl of his lips indicated his inward fury, his hatred. Then he recovered and forced himself to smile down at his enemy, to enjoy this moment of triumph, to revel in her defeat.

"So long have I wanted to do this.", his leer was pure evil as he drew his wand and just touched it delicately to the polished metal. Before comprehension has time to make MJ's eyes widen in horror, he hissed sharply into the gloom,

"Sectumsempra!"

MJ's scream shattered the moonlight like glass. Almost in answer, an owl's high-pitched screech echoed back.

* * *

A thousand miles away, eleven men were seated around a long oval table in a richly furnished candlelit room.

Their looks were as varied as their ages; in fact at first glance, the only obvious similarity between the different members of the group was wealth, displayed by their velvet robes, shiny shoes and the odd ostentatious pieces of jewellery that each flaunted in what they seemed to think a discreet and modest manner.

Further observation would be necessary to pick out more subtle resemblances. The sharp intelligence, for example, that flickered warily in every set of eyes, glancing back and forth from rival to rival. Every figure, either plump or rapier thin, were tense as a cat in unknown territory. Utterly still save for one tiny movement. Rookwood's finger tapping on the desk, Crouch's nostrils flaring wide, Malfoy's slow, chilling smiles that would stretch and then fade, ebbing like a tide.

Each had their own idiosyncrasy, along with their particular faults and individual strengths. They were the most important members of the Ministry for a reason, the most powerful men in England and supposedly the wisest.

Millicent Bagnold snorted inwardly, her tall, extremely thin figure, rigid and superbly aloof as she stood before them, her innermost circle. Not one amongst them did she trust,; only one did she acquit of scheming to take her office. She hated two, disliked at least four and stood in not inconsiderable awe of _him_. But she needed them. Every one among them was indispensable so bear with their individual faults she must. And after three hours of long, laborious discussion and frequent descents into conflict, they had finally dealt with most of what had had to be done.

"Gentlemen." she nodded curtly, "I believe we have covered the essentials. Thank you for your time."

Ten gentlemen sighed, stretched and rose slowly and stiffly to their feet, a few muttering to their neighbours, most locked away in his own private thoughts. Even as they moved towards the marble arched door, their gazes were always shifting, always appraising. They especially snuck glances at her as they passed, as though to assure themselves that none of their rivals was stealing a march on them. Plotting, scheming, Madame Bagnold pursed her lips in distaste. Frightening how power and the hunger for more, could reduce a human to nothing better than a snake.

The mirror on the opposite wall caught her gaze. The woman looking back at her half-smiled grimly. Not one grey hair escaped from the bun that was tied tight enough to stretch the many wrinkles that lined the thin, gaunt face. Lace peeped out from the neck of her marine robes, decorating the impeccably neat blouse she wore beneath. The woman was old, old and cynical; you could see it in her hard grey eyes, the sharp "V" of her brows and the weariness that was only just held at bay by the iron will she was known for. Tough, they called her in the Alleys, hard and pitiless but that was what was needed. At war, the people wanted a general, someone they feared and therefore, reason said that the enemy would too.

Madame Bagnold resisted the urge to snort. Lord Voldemort fear her? She thought not; a fool at least no one could call her. But she was not alone and while there was still breath in these tired old bones she would not allow the enemy victory.

Only one man still sat like a statue, as though oblivious to the movement around him, his face turned away with his square chin resting on his hand. It was noticeable that his skin was very pale in the orange glow of the huge, magically suspended chandelier, and that the pallor was emphasised by the heavy ring that sat on the third finger of his left hand. A wedding ring then, and a famous one for that matter. The red diamond glowed almost like a living thing from the centre of the ornately inscribed "P".

The Minister for Magic watched him for a moment. Then when he made no sign of movement she cleared her throat, loudly enough for the sound to echoes around her private office, causing the rest of occupants who had been on the point of departure, to turn back in surprise.

"Henry?" The inquiry was clipped, impatient but carefully polite.

Henry stirred and lifted his head so that the impossibly chiselled features were exposed to the light. He took in the room with one swift, disconcertingly keen glance and rose to his feet in one fluid motion.

"My apologies." he said curtly. The others, unwilling to stay past the already late hour were already herding sheep like towards the door and threw a few vague nods over their shoulders in answer.

It was at that precise moment, as Millicent Bagnold was marching back to her desk that a single sharp cry brought every head round in alarm. Then there was chaos.

"Potter?"

"What on earth?"

"Henry! Can you hear me?»

"Potter! In Merlin's name, what is the matter!"

Henry blinked, realising in a heart beat that he was half crouched over in pain. Big noses, piggy eyes and clipped moustaches swam all around him, their concerned, fearful voices echoing in his head. And pain, searing pain of white-hot metal against human flesh. And even through the haze of agony, the meaning was all too clear.

"Moniqua…" he breathed. And then his lids screwed shut.

Power, raw terrifying power was suddenly released as every drop of magic in Henry Potter's body and soul suddenly exploded from its flesh and blood confines. Ministry officials were thrown back with a force equal to a giant's. Such ferocity, it shook the very walls around them, plaster cracked and fell, glasses tingled and a priceless antique vase fell to the floor and promptly smashed into dust.

Madame Bagnold was the first to regain her wits, jumping to her feet and then swaying from the efforts. Frantically she stared through the dust clouds that had yet to settle. She could hear the moans and sounds of stirring people around her, but the heavy film obstructed her view entirely. Then suddenly he was there, directly before her, his face white as snow and…terrible.

The Minister drew herself upright, trying desperately to force every bit of authority she could muster into her glare.

"Henry Potter, you will explain this…immediately!"

He barely seemed to hear her.

"Out of my way."

Empty, the lack of emotion at frightening odds with the pure rage that seemed to emanate from every pore. The dust was finally beginning to settle; she could make out shapes in the room, the furniture, the bodies, some moving and others unmoving, still lying where they had been thrown by the explosion. Madame Bagnold glanced over her shoulder and realised he was aiming for the fireplace. Deliberately she moved to stand in front of it, her expression harsh and unyielding. Something flickered in his jaw as she folded her arms in an unmistakable gesture of refusal.

"As Minister for Magic and your superior, I order you to explain this madness."

He was on the verge of cursing her, she realised suddenly, her title and authority be damned. Shock and the beginning of fear crept up her spine but Millicent Bagnold was shrewd enough to know that if she backed down now, Henry Potter would never again submit. She had to bring him back, had to break through his inexplicable rage and reach that cold genius mind within. So although her thin frame was rigid and slightly trembling she did not panic; instead she simply stood firm, upright and dignified as a queen, albeit a decidedly furious one.

"Tell me what has occurred, Henry." she said freezingly, "Or so help me, I will have no choice but to have you arrested this very moment."

He seemed to come back to his senses a little, and just like that his mask fell back into place. Nothing leaked through, none of that terrible rage, nor the contempt his cold words implied.

"You may try."

"And perhaps not succeed," she said bitingly, "But you would be delayed. And I do not think that is what you want, Potter."

The curl of his lip showed that she had hit the mark and, spurred on by her triumph, she took aim once more.

"Every second you refuse to obey me is another second wasted, Henry." her sudden use of his first name softened the effect of her harshness and although Henry's lips pressed tightly together, he still made no move. Then, finally, he seemed to swallow down his icy rage.

"My…wife…is currently in danger. Therefore I must request that you remove yourself from my path, Minister."

Madame Bagnold eyes widened behind her thin, steel-rimmed spectacles.

"Auror Monroe? But…how?" She seemed to pull herself together, "I cannot allow you to go after her, Henry! You know that!" she glared at him accusingly. Henry's face remained blank.

"It is not in your power to prevent me."

"Henry LISTEN to me for Merlin's sake! You know the protocol! You known why it must be followed! I cannot risk losing you to Voldemort, as you are fully aware!"

Henry's expression was cold as ice.

"If you refuse to let me pass, you will have already lost me."

"Henry, think of our cause! This is not only about you! I am trying to prevent the Wizarding world from anarchy and chaos! To save our people from tyranny and a murdering dictator!"

"The only person I have the slightest interest in saving is currently in that same murderer's hands." he interrupted bitingly, and Millicent couldn't help but flinch; the truth of that statement was all too plain in his pale face. She realised that her frail, liver-spotter hands were shaking slightly, in a strange mixture of fear and frustration. How could such genius and such blinkered foolishness coincide?

"You are willing to sacrifice everything we have worked for…?" she said shakily,

His cold, expressionless silence was answer enough. Still she battled on, desperately trying to break through to him. To find something that would touch his conscience. Merlin knew she could not let him go!

"Then you condemn us all Henry Potter! You condemn the cause your wife dedicated her life to, the cause that so many people sacrificed their lives for! You are not thinking logically! Your reason is impaired by your personnel feelings! If you but reflect, you must see that…"

He cut her off with a voice that was already miles away.

"Unfortunately Minister, it is you that have refused to see the truth for so long." suddenly his eyes fixed on hers, and the fire in them made her step back a pace.

"I have never fought for your cause.", he said silkily, "I have fought against one man, and for the love of one woman, both of whose fates are at this precise instant playing out in someplace I known not. Let us be clear, if you force me to it, I will not hesitate to kill every auror currently in my department. I will murder every man in this room and if you truly push me to it…I will kill you...without barely a moment's hesitation. Whether I am capable of all these things, who knows. Do not put it to the test. It would be madness, as I believe you are well aware."

He paused, relaxed his shoulders ever so slightly and shot his superior one level stare.

"Decide, Minister, and decide quickly…"

* * *

It was hard to tell in the moonlight whether the blood or the gold gleamed brighter. Certainly the rubies were indistinguishable from the scarlet droplets that sat and trembled on the precious metal that still decorated the severed digit sitting in Lord Voldemort's pale hand.

Looking at it made Moniqua light-headed. Strange that she could still feel the pain in the finger even though it was no longer attached. Or maybe it was simply the wound that ached so terribly. A huge gaping eye, with a white bone pupil and red tears.

The spell had cut cleanly but cruelly, as though some dark magic was magnifying the pain rather than dulling it. The circular wound where between her middle and third finger was scorched black around the edges. A terrible corrosive magic that continued to eat its way deeper and deeper into the bleeding flesh.

Merlin, but it hurt..! But another tiny voice whispered in her mind words of comfort. Voldemort had made his first mistake, slicing the ring from her body. It was the only way to remove it to be sure, but it had already played it's part, better than she could have hoped. Henry would be warned, but his only method of tracing her would be quite literally cut off. It could buy her time. She prayed that the Ministry would delay him so more. He must not come! And she, she must move, somehow she must get them to take her away from this spot, leaving the ring behind them. If she could almost escape, lead them away from this place…

The thoughts played hazily in her mind, trailing back and forth with too little purpose. Frustration bubbled somewhere in the depths. She had to focus! She had to throw off the mantle her own consciousness had created to protect her from the pain she was too weak to deal with.

With a huge effort, MJ lifted her head, forcing the images before her to come into focus. Shoving the weariness aside, she took a deep breath, sucking in as much god-given oxygen as possible. Through her half-closed lids she glanced up at first one, then the other of her guards. Both stood to attention, their faces black shadows under their hoods but the grip on her upper arms was merciless.

Voldemort himself was still admiring his trophy. His head was bent, but her mind filled in the blanks, she knew all too well the twisted smirk that would be splitting that horrible excuse for a face in two. In any case he was distracted; she had to move before he grew bored with gloating over his prize and returned his attention back to her.

It was then that she heard it once more.

Closer now, she couldn't quite fight the instinct to lift her head in disbelief. She had thought her mind had been playing tricks on her. That the angry, high-pitched screech was some delusion brought on by fear as he carved her finger from its knuckle. Because she knew that screech, like she knew the rhythmic beat of her own heart.

MJ tried desperately not to tense. Anything, any sudden change in her attitude could give her away. She mustn't look, mustn't listen, not too hard, voices swam in her head, repeating the old lessons. Sylvester's voice, gruff and impatient but loving, her heart felt a pang for that old sorrow. Henry's voice too, smooth as silk but clipped, businesslike. During her training they were forbidden even to have contact, despite finally having made it to man and wife. Alastor and Ben's voices, repeating the words along with her, Jones, Sanders, D'Aquin with his strong accent, far stronger than hers, and ten, twelve more faces to match the names that didn't quite want to come…

Again, she silently prayed, _je vous en pris_, just one more time, to be sure…

A moment later, it came.

Hope swelled in her heart like a sponge in water. With renewed strength she forced the fog in her head to fade. This was her chance, the only one she would get, something in her heart told her that. She must not waste it, this unlooked for gift! She must THINK!

As though somehow her thoughts had drifted on the wind, the sound did not come again. She did not listen for it. She concentrated only on the magic, what little shad left, the power gradually building up inside her, stealthily and slow. He was there, silent in the shadows. Waiting for her to act.

Unsuspecting, Voldemort glided away, his arms thrown out to crow, pale and sinewy as the black silk sleeves slid down to the elbows.

"SEE!" he held the severed finger high above his head, showing it to the crowd, "SEE!"

His eery cackle echoed over the moor and the deatheaters called back in answer, cheering and clapping like the shameless fools they were. The circle shuddered, strained and finally broke, as cloaked figures followed sheep like after him. MJ felt the rush of cool air at her back. The very last deatheaters continued to float past her, in rustles of fabric and muted whispers, those who stayed back, unwilling or perhaps too wise to venture to close to the Master they feared as much as they adored. The way behind her was clear. She could hear the trees, feel the caress of the breeze as it crept over her shoulder. In that moment, the pain was but a far-away twinge, every nerve, every sense was tensed and focused fully on what was to come. On what she had to do.

With a hiss of rage, MJ sent every last reserves of magic she possessed into her forearms. The shock, the pain and the screams were immediate. The two goons cried out, releasing her instinctively and in that brief moment of freedom she ran.

Or tried to.

MJ staggered as her legs all but gave way beneath her. Adrenalin was dulling the lingering effects of the Crucios but her limbs still shook, her lungs still fought for air and her head still swam unpleasantly at the sudden movement. Still she forced her body to respond, pelting through that small break in the circle. She could here the shriek of fury behind her and barely a moment later the first stunner streaked past her left side.

MJ dodged, veering off to the right, then left, then right once more. She had to get nearer. The huge shadowy forms of the trees stood like mountains, so close and yet not close enough. He would have heard her, she knew, if only she could keep moving.

Another stunner, and again, again, streaks of red light flashing in the extreme corners of her vision. MJ's gaze didn't waver, not even when a sudden emerald glow, brought her heart to her throat.

"FOOL!"

Voldemort's screech followed immediately, screaming at the culprit that he wanted her ALIVE! Just as she'd counted on! But they were getting closer, she was too slow. It had to be now, now or...

"KEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!"

MJ fell to her knees as the huge black form shot like a bullet from the gloom and soared over her head with a screech of fury. Chest heaving, she swung round to follow its path, a wild half-smile just touching her mouth and her saviour called back to her, shrill and sharp.

The deatheaters suddenly halted in their stride, then cries, oaths, confusion rang out. They ducked and dived, dodging desperately out of the way of razor-sharp talons. They were distracted, for those few precious seconds and MJ did not waste them. Frantically dug her fingers into the earth around, searching for just one minute little pebble. All she needed! The grass was thick, she tore through it impatiently, searching desperately for the hard touch of….

THERE!

No time to wipe of the mud! It was tiny, barely bigger than her fingernail, but she clutched in her hand as though it were a nugget of gold, forced her mind to focus on one single image and frantically whispered,

"Portus!"

No instructions. The porkey would activate after the minimal amount of time. Ten seconds. Ten seconds to stay alive. MJ stared about her, eyes wide in both horror and hope. Nine…

The deatheater closest to her suddenly looked up, their gazes locking even though his face was a shadow. Instinctively she threw out a hand,

"STUPIFY!"

Eight…Seven…

The spell was loud, other heads turned. Six… She could sense their confusion. How had she defended herself? Then the truth sunk in, she could feel their bodies tense even from ten feet away. Three more wands lifted. Three burst of red light erupted from and flew towards her. One hand tightened on the stone. The other waited until the last possible moment before she yelled out,

"PROTEGO!"

Her palm glowed silver, then the spell bloomed like a flower before her, lingering just long enough to absorb all three stunner before fading to nothing. Still on her knees, MJ swayed. She had never felt so empty the very last drops of magic were busy gradually healing her injuries, only the devastating wound to her finger refused to close. Filled with dark magic, it sapped her strength as her own reserves fought stubbornly to seal it. In a few moments she would have nothing less, but a few moment were all she needed…

Four… Three…

As though from far away she saw the tall pale figure of Lord Voldemort push his way to the front of the chaos. Blood poured down his robes from a long, deep cut that ran from his brow all the way down his cheek. It blinded him in one eye, the other however was fixed on her, glowing with a terrible frenzied hatred that seemed to chill her right down to her very soul. It was too late.

Voldemort lifted his wand and somehow, MJ knew that he was not going to attempt to stun her. The expression of fury contorting his unnatural features said murder as plainly as though written with a quill in the blood running down his chin. This light would be green and it would be the last thing she saw…

The wand lifted, and then came down like a hammer's blow.

MJ lifted her head, and stared through the emerald glow to look her enemy in the eye as she died. Two…

"KEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!"

MJ screamed as Moriarty tore over her head and threw out two meter-long black wings. The Avada Kedavra hit the black owl straight in the chest, and its magnitude was so great that for the brief second it took for the green glow to be absorbed, he seemed to be suspended in mid-air, wings thrown out, still screeching that same brave battle cry.

One…

The stone tingled in her palm and just before it burned, MJ threw out her hand and pressed it to the back of the owl's ebony plumage.

The world began to spin.

* * *

"Minister! Minister!"

Neither pair of eyes moved as the young, acne-prone messenger boy ran full-pelt into the Minister for Magic's office, his speckled face flushed from the exertion. He skidded to a halt, his brow suddenly wrinkled in confusion as the devastion of the room sank in, as did the sight of the Minister of Magic standing in a dead-lock staring constest with her Head of the Auror Department. Millicent Bagnold cleared her throat and said carefully,

"What it is, Piebald?"

"An…unauthorised portkey, Ma'am!", he was terrified poor, soul, staring anxiously from Henry to her and back again. She cleared her throat loudly at him to focus and, taking an unsteady breath, Piebald did so. "In the Entrance Hall. The Head of Wards and Magical Protection says the intruder is in critical condition, barely conscious! But he thinks it's Auror Potter.

Both Henry and the Minister's heads flew round and Piebald blanched under the ferociousness of their two glares.

"Allow her entry." Henry's voice was pure ice. He was already moving, his tall powerful frame already at the doorway in an impossible amount of time. Madame Bagnold blinked but quickly recovered and turned on the poor boy like a fury.

"You will do no such THING!" she rapped out sharply. Henry paused and then swung back around to face her, his expression terrible.

"I beg your pardon…" a deadly whisper. Madame Bagnold's hard grey eyes blazed.

"We will follow protocol, Potter! You!" she said sharply, pinning Piebald to the floor, "In the Entrance Hall? Inform Jahanna that on no account is she to allow this intruder entry unless Auror Potter's password is correctly given!"

Piebald blanched, sending a terrified look at the suddenly rigid figure of the other man in the room.

"But Minister, she's…she's barely conscious…"

Madame Bagnold stared at the boy in disbelief. His knee, already knocking together, all but gave way and he stumbled out of the room like a drunk man.

As Millicent turned, the wand was already at her throat.

"If my wife dies, rest assured; you will go the same way before this night is out." those pools of hazel were so dark they were almost black, and despite herself, The Minister of Magic couldn't help but swallow. She glared back at him haughtily and, after a long minute, Henry turned on his heel and marched out the door.

* * *

"Password?"

MJ could hear the voice echoing in her head. She must answer, some tendril of consciousness probed her, poking her despite her desperate desire to sleep…

"Password?"

Again. There was an answer here somewhere. Something important. A word that felt good in her mouth. A name that made her smile. But she was so so tired…

"Give me the damn password, MJ or Merlin help me I'll finish you myself!"

More urgent, familiar, the rough gravely voice grated and scratched her poor exhausted mind. Alastor. A name bubbled up out of the fog, followed by a face, gnarled and almost horrifying, at odds with the rush of warmth that welled up inside her.

"Give me the bloody password NOW!"

Password… What, no…WHO? She waited for a name to come, to float to the surface and suddenly it did.

"_En- riqué… Oui c'est ca…"_

_"R…Riké…"_

* * *

"That's it! Let her in! TODAY you little squirt!"

The unfortunate soul whose job it was to take and verify the password of any person attempting to apparate into the Ministry almost wet himself as Moody, THE Mad Moody himself, grabbed his shoulders and shook him like a rat.

"Ye…ye…yes sir," he stammered, teeth clanging together in his head. Moody huffed and let him go with a ferocious glare that sent the poor man hurrying to perform the spell the moment he was released. Sweat was pouring off him in buckets loads, the words came out a little fumbled but finally, the Ward was temporarily lifted.

Without another word Moody swung around and made for the exit, his wooden leg clunking heavily as he moved too fast for comfort towards the elevator. Soon even the "thunk, thunk" every other step could no longer be heard.

The Wards and Magical protection employee promptly melted into his chair and fainted with relief.

* * *

The vast space that made up the Entrance Hall to the Ministry, was filled with the shrieks and babbling of the mass near hysterical spectators that had congregated around the center of the commotion, when the one-way fireplace to the Minister's private offices flared emerald green. Heads turned eagerly but the figure who stepped sharply out from the flames was clearly not the most powerful witch in Britain; it was to the crowds surprise a man.

Most of the gawpers were low-level, many didn't even work for the Ministry but were simply civilians either summoned or visiting family members or the like. In any case only half the people present recognised the man who had just stepped out of the most famous fireplace in the building. They were the ones who recoiled and quickly moved out of his path. The other's didn't take the hint.

Without pausing in his stride Henry Potter moved as fluidly as oil on water, as though some invisible force propelled him smoothly forward without touching the ground. The goggling men and woman in his path were as insignificant as insects. As he drew nearer, those close enough to catch and absorb his expression shrunk hurriedly back, pushing into those behind them who were in turn shoving and jostling to get a better look. In the near distance the huge golden fountain gleamed with the brightness of the sun. That was where she would be. The designated point where all apparaters appeared. It was equally where the crowd was thickest and some two hundred feet of desperately curious lookers on stood between himself and the centre of the uproar. The look in his eye was the only warning he would waste on those in his way.

Behind him another sudden flare of green caught the attention of the public. This time it was Millicent Bagnold herself who stepped out, followed immediately by a stream of men and woman all carrying the aloof expression experienced aurors gained after the first few kills. They were the best of the best, the Ministers personnel bodyguard and the swarmed around her like a hive of bee's as she marched forward with obvious impatience, her irritated gaze already fixed on her wayward subordinates back.

"Yes, Yes, move!" she snapped at the two men screening her from the crowd, "Clear the way! Now!"

Instantly the huge bellowing voice echoed over the chattering onlookers, deep and toneless, the magical megaphone.

"All members of the public are asked to immediately vacate the Entrance Hall. You will be escorted to another room to wait until further notice. All aurors to the Hall, I repeat, all available aurors to the Hall immediately."

The clambering and babbling became even louder, angry indignant and hysterical voices all merging into an insupportable cacophony. Suddenly fireplace after fireplace were flashing green, each and every one, and dark-robes men and woman marched out of them in a constant stream.

Henry Potter reached the edge of the mob and did not even pause.

"Menser Propulsum."

His wand flashed out, a curiously formed wand that seemed to resemble two interwoven branches, joined at the base but before the closest woman could even process this vague thought, a gigantic burst of light exploded and every man, woman and child in it's path were flung backwards and to the side by an invisible force.

Henry's fixed stare didn't even flicker.

Millicent Bagnold muttered a word under her breath that no respectable Minister should even know.

Immediately screams and caterwauls and complaints erupted from the people now splayed out uncomfortably on the hard stone floor some fifty feet away from where they had been a moment ago. Madame Bagnold rolled her eyes and snapped her fingers, inwardly seething. The aurors responded instantly, picking up the indignant members of the public and firmly shepherding them away. With a sharp jerk of her head, Millicent indicated for her bodyguard to advance, following in the path Potter had summarily vacated.

No more spells were needed. The few remaining stragglers cringed out of his way as though he might burn them with a single look. Henry didn't even register their presence. Because there, splayed out at the foot of the glitting sculpture, her hair a dark halo around her face, another black shape over her breast, Moniqua lay still as the statues looming over her.

It took less than a heartbeat for him to reach her. To drop to his knees and push back the thick mane of jet. To take in, in one, swift terrible look, the injuries she had been dealt. To pick up her slim, delicate hand with its gaping wound and stare down at it with a face set in stone.

Moriarty stirred, his great head turning slightly to open one yellow eye. Henry's gaze snapped to him. In that single look comprehension passed between them and a muscle in Henry's jaw tightened. The eagle owl hooted softly but the tone was unmistakeably sardonic. Henry ignored him, instead lifting the other hand not holding Moniqua's and silently holding out his finger. Without preamble the owl clicked his beak, once, twice and then suddenly latched on to the digit deep enough to slice through skin and flesh like butter. Henry didn't flinch, his eyes once more fixed on his wife's bloody, disfigured face.

Using the finger as leverage, Moriarty pulled himself upright, shuffling on his talons, shaking himself and finally stretching out his wings stiffly. He released his grip on the finger and without a word Henry silently removed it.

It was though the rest of the world was on mute. Henry knew the exact moment that Bagnold and her entourage arrived, that Alastor and Amelia rushed up behind him. More aurors, he knew each and every one present by name and without even looking at them. The precise second that the healers burst onto the scene in full gear, dropping to the floor beside him and assessing the situation. They were nothing to him. Only Moriarty's talons seemed real, as they bit suddenly into his forearm, sharp enough to slice through his robes as though they weren't even there. The familiar weight of a very large eagle owl on his muscles seemed as though from another world. Only when Moriarty deliberately dug his talons particularly viciously into his flesh did Henry deign to look at the flustered woman from St Mungo who was desperately asking him to release Moniqua's hand.

"Sir! SIR! We have to get MJ Potter to St Mungo's immediately! Your wife requires urgent medical attention…."

Just like that, the world became real again.

"Thank you for that moronically obvious conclusion." he said bitingly, and the young medic flinched back from the contempt in his voice at the hazel eyes that snapped to hers. She swallowed and bent her head once more over MJ's still body, twitching slightly as Henry rose to his feet without warning. When she made the mistake of glancing up at him, Moriarty snapped his razor sharp beak and with a small squeal she busied herself once more.

Silent as the grave, Henry waited until the Healers declared that Moniqua was ready to be moved. On three, they waved their wands simultaneously and the entire group vanished. At the precise same instant, Henry turned on the spot and marched towards the nearest fireplace.

"Potter!" not even a backward glance for The Head of Magical Law Enforcement, calling out impatiently to him as he passed, "Potter, we need to discuss the implications of this incident. Auror Monroe is in safe hands and it cannot be said that she is the priority he…" He broke off under the ferociousness of Madame Bagnold's glare. Crouch's clipped moustache twitched disapprovingly but he said no more, turning with a sniff back to the other members of the Minister's private counsel.

The thought of killing Bartemius Crouch came and went swift then any normal human thought. It was discarded as satisfying but not vital at this moment in time. Henry flicked his wand, muttered a word and a handful of floo power zoomed from the nearby pot and into the grate. Emerald flames erupted, there was a cloud of soot and without breaking stride Henry stepped into the furnace and was gone.

* * *

**Et voila. If you can forgive, leave a review. If not I understand. PS: I am sure there are HUNDREDS of faults in this one but bear with me, I will try to get someone to be my beta, I think it's become vital lol But for the moment sorry!**

**Luv ya lots**

**Lili**

**Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx**


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